Rock Bottom to Purpose, How One Moment Can Change Everything, with Steve Gamlin

What if one of the lowest moments in your life was actually the turning point?

In episode 30 of The Influence Exchange, J.V. sits down with speaker, author, and coach Steve Gamlin for a powerful and honest conversation about setbacks, loss, purpose, and rebuilding your life from the ground up.

Steve shares the raw story of hitting rock bottom, facing debt, self-doubt, and one of the lowest points of his life including a moment hitting golf balls alone in a thunderstorm that unexpectedly changed everything.

From that moment forward, Steve began rebuilding step by step into the speaker, comedian, author, and leader he is today.

This episode goes beyond motivation. It’s about real life:

How to find purpose after failure

Turning pain into progress

The power of small decisions over time

How to keep going after loss

Why your lowest moments don’t define you, they redirect you

You’ll also hear about Steve’s journey through love, loss, and honoring his late wife Tina through kindness, purpose, and impact.

Connect with Steve:
Website:
https://www.stevegamlinspeaker.com

Schedule a call with Steve:
https://stevechats.com/have-a-chat-with-steve-page

Steve’s Vision Board Mastery: https://www.motivationalfirewood.com/visionboardmastery

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What if one of the lowest moments could completely change the direction of your life? Today's guest knows that feeling firsthand. Steve Gamblin is an award-winning speaker, author, and coach who has turned setbacks, loss, and real life challenges into powerful lessons that inspire others to move forward. From hitting rock bottom in depth and self-doubt to becoming a speaker, comedian, and leader focused on kindness, gratitude, and purpose, Steve's journey is both real and relatable. His message is simple. No matter where you are in life, it's never too soon to start again and never too late to grow. Please join me in welcoming Steve Gamblin. Let's get into it. Hello, Steve, and thank you for joining the Influence Exchange. It's a pleasure to have you on the show today. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

I'm doing great, JB. Thank you so much for having me. I am definitely looking forward to our conversation. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Absolutely. It's a pleasure. Steve, there's a lot of inspiring topics that we could talk about today. Your story, your bio, who you are is inspirational to myself and for my audience. I can't wait for my audience to listen or watch this episode. So, Steve, there's a few things I would like to talk to you about today. Discovering the Love of Your Life, Tina. So far, you published four books. Seven years of stand-up comedy. You co-founded a 501c3 dedicated to acts of kindness. More than 300 podcast guest appearances. That is stunning. And you are an award-winning speaker. Steve, I want to jump in and let's go back to something that fascinated me when you and I was having a conversation earlier today. Talk to me about the day you're hitting golf balls in a thunderstorm, please.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Yeah. And I appreciate all the things you you shared about all the great things I've gotten to enjoy in my life. In between each one of those winning moments are some severe crash and burns. And the bucket of golf balls at a golf driving range in a thunderstorm was at the time of one of the lowest lows. It was in the early 2000s. And I had walked away from a successful radio career. I had gone through a divorce. And at age 35, I was about $62,000 in debt. My self-talk was horrific. According to my journals back then, I referred to myself as Hurricane Dumbass Category 5, which is what I'd done to my life. So it was August 2003. It was hot and humid here in southern New Hampshire, and I was driving past a mini golf place that had a driving range. And I had a couple of bucks in my pocket. So I figured I'd exercise some demons and get out some frustrations and take out my aggressions on a bucket of golf balls. So I went to the farthest tea box on the property because I'm a horrible golfer and I didn't want to dent anybody's car, you know, in the parking lot. So I went to the farthest tea box. Well, there was this big long line of steel power line towers. And so I'm hitting and I'm hitting, and it's humid, and all of a sudden a thunderstorm came ripping through. And everybody but me ran from the storm. And I just stayed there in the pouring rain, the wind, the thunder and the lightning, barefoot in the wet grass, hitting golf balls, getting out my frustrations. And at one point, I just held the club over my head in a slow, sarcastic circle and looked up and dared the lightning to hit me. And nothing happened. So I went back to hitting golf balls. Well, I emptied my bucket, and then I found two other buckets in the tea stalls near me from two guys who ran from the storm and never came back. So I hit theirs too. And at the end of about an hour, I couldn't even lift my arms anymore. And I picked up all my stuff and I got out to my car. And just as I did, the rain stopped, and the first couple tiny little rays of light were coming through the cracks in the black clouds. And I thought that was kind of cool and funny. You know, hey, God, well played. Nice. Thanks for not hitting me. And thought nothing of it. And then the next day, I was on the phone with a brand new life coach I just started working with. I was actually one of his first clients. So he guinea pigged me on everything he had learned. And he asked, How was your week? And I said, Well, listen to what this ding dong did yesterday. And I told him the story of hitting golf balls in a thunderstorm. As funny as I could make it, brutally self-deprecating, but he was laughing, which is something really, if you're a coach and your client's life stinks, you really shouldn't laugh at how bad his life is. But when he stopped laughing, he says, I got two questions for you. First off, are you this open and honest about your life with everybody? And I said, Yeah, you know, self-deprecating, but sure. I like to make people laugh. And he said, Yeah. Have you ever thought of being a motivational speaker or a stand-up comedian? I think you'd be really good at both and you'd enjoy them. Well, what he did not know is when I was 11 years old, I wanted to be a radio DJ, an author of my own books, a stand-up comedian, and a teacher of people, but not in a classroom. And he didn't know that. But he asked me if I'd ever thought of doing two of the things that were already on my life's bucket list. Sure. And he had in the junk mail pile on his desk was a brochure for a local community college that two weeks later had a class starting called Intro to Stand-up Comedy. He hadn't thrown it out yet. It was sitting there waiting for me to come along. And then he told me about Toastmasters. So two weeks later, I was in a comedy class, and a couple of weeks after that, my first Toastmasters meeting. And within a year, I was getting paid, not much at all, to do stand-up comedy. And I was actually getting paid a little tiny bit to be a speaker within a year. Sure. For a $3 bucket of golf balls. Not a bad investment because you're really it's it's not bad.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

And look at Steve, look at where you are today. You had this moment of your life that wasn't going so well. You were either in financial debt or whatever the situation was. You wanted something bad to happen, I would say. And at that moment, God, something happened to you that changed your life for the better. And fast forward to today and we having this wonderful conversation because you are such an amazing, incredible human being. And we will continue our conversation. I just wanted to pause and just tell you that, Steve, coming from me directly to you, how you are just a fascinating human being. And I'm glad you made it through those challenges back when you were in your 30s.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Oh, yeah. There's been many more since, but that one is the one that really got my life on track to the good stuff. And uh, you know, that's it's part of the reason that one of my keynote stage stories is called Some Days Your Phoenix Rides a pogo stick, meaning you fall back in the fire, you burn your tail feathers off. But here's the beautiful thing about it they grow back. And every time they grow back, if you learned something, the colors are brighter and you can fly higher the next time. And I've been very blessed to I'm on about my fifth or sixth set of tail feathers since that day. But I'm great, very grateful for the experiences that have gotten me this far.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Of course. Of course, Steve. To change the topic a little bit, Steve, is let's talk and dive into your books. You publish four books. Talk to us and the mission behind your books and the motivation that took you to author not just one, but one through four, please.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yeah. Um when I first said I was gonna write a book, of course, you get the people that say, Who's gonna read a book written by you? Because my first book actually came out, you know, right about the time of the uh fucking golf balls. Yeah. But um in addition to the other things I did, I had owned uh a DJ business for 28 and a half years. So my first book, which came out in the December of 2004, was actually a collection of stories, funny stories of just the weirdest things that had happened to me at weddings over the years. And I used to just tell them to nervous brides who would say, Well, I hope nothing goes wrong. And I'd go, well, tell you what, I'm as a DJ, I lead a charmed life. Here's some of the other things that happened. And I had three brides in one week on phone call say, Oh my gosh, you should write those down and make a book. There's there's a sign right there. Somebody's looking for something. So that was my first book. And the other three have been personal development, motivation. But I'm not a person who will read a two, three, four hundred-page book. So all I wanted to do was just create some spot motivation. So a quote, whether I wrote it or it was some a quote that inspired me. Sure. And then uh a little call to action, an explanation of it, maybe create a scenario. And I called that motivational firewood, which is a trademark that I own as a speaker. And I just started to put those together. So my first one came out around 2007, uh, another one a year and a half later. Uh the first motivational book was called 20 to Life in a Good Way. 20 quotes. Uh, the second one was called Oh Yay, another quote book. That was the sequel. And my fourth book was actually written uh not by me, technically, but by a little dog that my wife Tina and her mother had adopted. Uh, he was a rescue from New Orleans and was brought up to New England by one of those amazing nonprofits that brings dogs north to be adopted. Well, they adopted him, and I started mentioning him a lot on Facebook and sharing a lot of pictures. And at the end of, oh yeah, you know, the quote book, I tacked on three quotes that were by him. His name was Super Teddy, and people started to say, Oh my gosh, I read Super Teddy's quotes. They were my favorites. When's he gonna write his own book? Again, the world says we would love this. Right. And that was the fourth book I wrote. It was called Bust Out of Your Crate, Super Teddy's Top 20 Tips for People to Be As Happy as Dogs. I love that. And uh it almost didn't happen, except I said I was gonna write the book, and I could only come up with one or two things that Teddy would have said. And then, God love my friends, they're amazing. One of them called me up a couple weeks later. Hey, so how's Super Teddy's book coming? I said, It's not. I I struck out. And they said, Well, what was it gonna be about? I said, I was gonna write all these quotes and then, you know, take pictures to put with them and make a book. And here's what my friend asked, How many pictures do you already have of Teddy? I said, Well, I don't know, a couple hundred. He goes, Why don't you pick your favorite pictures and think what he would be saying in that picture? In 90 minutes, the book was written. I had all 20 that I wanted.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Wow. Yeah. What was that message? Why do you think it took you 90 minutes and that quick?

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah, I looked at the pictures. I was putting they always say the cart before the horse. Well, apparently I was just running over my own horse all the time. Yeah. Because I was striking out left and right. But when I looked at the picture, I thought, what would Teddy be saying to a person about what he's doing or how he looks or whatever in this picture? And the quotes just started falling out of my brain. And I put them with each one and I showed them all to Tina, and she's like, Oh my gosh, those are that's really good. And and she said, Let me know if you need any more pictures of Teddy. So we took a few more and some got replaced, and it was just wonderful how when you stop overthinking and you just pay attention to the energy, it's amazing what can show up.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

And it did. It really is. Yeah. I'm glad you did it. Yeah, me too. It's fascinating that for myself, Steve, when I think and when I'm doing an interview, or um want to write something, it's sometimes I doubt myself so much. And an hour later, I only wrote two sentences.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

So I could relate because sometimes you have to look at something else or ask questions to a family member or friend, and boom, right there, a light just lights up in your mind, and okay, you can move forward. And then an hour, like you said, 90 minutes later, you have so much written down and you can move forward. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

Yeah. And the way I refer to it a lot of times, and I've had so many projects and ideas over the years that went absolutely nowhere. But the ones that did, and so many people use the word pivot. Well, pivot got so overused, especially during the pandemic. You know, we all had to pivot. I've never really used that word. Here's how I describe it. You just bounce it off the wall a different way. And you change your view, and you kind of look or or you kind of, you know, lean a little bit to one side and you take a look, even over your shoulder. Sometimes you look at something differently. And all of a sudden it makes sense and it gets you excited about it again. I mean, I was, I it was literally that book was dead in the water. And a conversation with a friend that probably lasted maybe five minutes.

unknown 14:30

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

I looked at it a different way, had a different perspective, bounced it off the wall a different way, and it just wrote, it literally wrote itself.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Yeah, that's awesome. Something I want to um bring out. And if you're watching on YouTube, you can see what I'm about to say. That message right behind you, Steve, that says inspire. Yeah. What is that about?

SPEAKER_00 14:54

My Tina, who I got to be in love with for 17 and a half years. Sure. Um, when we first fell in love in 2007, my speaking company was called Inspired by Steve. And over the years, she's bought me at least four works of art or pieces of creativity that have the word inspire in them. She loved that word. So I've got all these things. Well, she bought me that blue neon light that says inspire. When we bought this house in March of 2018, I built a recording studio in this room. It's my second studio. The first one was at my dad's house. And after I bought it, she said, I got you something for your studio and it fits you. And I said, Okay. And I no idea what she had. And I opened up the box and there was the blue neon light that said inspire. She'd had it custom made for me.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

So after she passed um almost 17 months ago, um, I hadn't plugged it in in a while. And then I redid the wall behind me a year ago, shortly after she passed away. And I made that the permanent light for this for this wall. So it's with me every day, and I love to just light it up and and share conversations with people. So that's that's from my Tina. It's it's blue just like her eyes.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

I love it. And Tina's with us today, and your background looks amazing. Thank you. Now that we're in the topic of your lovely Tina, let's talk a little bit about your journey and what motivated you, inspired you actually to move forward after her passing and discovering the love that you have with Tina even to today.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

Yeah. We were we were that one in a million couple. Um we went to high school together for four years, graduated in June of 1986. We were great friends in high school. And uh we just lost touch. And I went off, had my radio career, I got married, I got divorced, and I had several crashes and burns in between. And uh I learned about visualization and vision boards and the law of attraction and manifestation. And I didn't buy anybody else's programs. I just kind of took a little bit from here and there and developed my own thing. And in the early 2000s, after my divorce, I started to create vision boards. And I said, okay, I only want to fall in love, real true, honest love, one more time in my life. And I need to work on myself to be the best version of me. Also dream up my dream woman in relationship. But I said, you know what? I've got to, I've got to work on creating a better, more confident version of myself to so that woman will be attracted to me. So I had vision board pictures of a couple standing at the railing of a ship at sunset, walking hand in hand on a beach, laughing together in the kitchen, cooking a meal together, which is all the things I wanted to do in my dream relationship. Yeah. And in January of 2007, I built that year's vision board, and of course, had all these pictures in there, among all the other areas of my life. And I said, this is the year I'm going to find her, whoever she may be. And in early June, I wrote in my journal, I am ready to fall in love. Amazing. And 10 days later, on June 16th of 2007, I got an email that I almost deleted. I thought it was spam. Thank God I didn't delete it. From someone named Tina. And then I read it, and it was Tina from high school, and she said, Hey, I saw your name online. I live in Florida now. We should keep in touch. Wow. And I thought, it's been 21 years. What are the odds we're going to keep in touch?

unknown 18:45

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

But I emailed back and she emailed me her phone number. And a couple days later I called. First words out of her mouth in 21 years. It's about time you call. And I just thought, I go, oh my gosh, she has not changed a bit. Her voice, her sarcasm. We started, you know, phone calls and texting and emails. And I started to remember I'd had a crush on Tina in high school, but having no confidence at all, I never had the guts to ask her out. And so for five weeks, we texted and called and emailed. And um, you know, she said, Oh, did you like anyone in high school? And I said another girl's name.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

And she goes, She didn't even give you the time of day. I said, Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

And five weeks after that first email, Tina sent me a text. I was DJing a wedding where I wasn't even supposed to be. But another another DJ got sick and my agent sent me there. So we were just texting her. Sure. And uh she said, Can I tell you something if you promise not to freak out? And I typed back, sure. And she said, here's how I really felt about you back in high school. Here's how I felt about you when I saw your name online. Here's how I felt when you answered my email, when I heard your voice. Here's how I feel right now. And she typed, she texted one four three, which I had to Google really quickly. 143 is text slang for I love you. One letter, four letters, I didn't have any. Three letters. And I typed back, I love you too. That's awesome. Now here's the cool catch about it. She had never sent me a picture of herself. And I hadn't seen her in 21 years, and she had zero social media footprint. I mean, you could Google her name, and there's not a picture of her to be had in the world. Okay. Yeah. And we fell in love that summer from 1,350 miles apart with our eyes closed and our hearts wide open. And on August 17th, the month after the I love you text, she flew to New Hampshire because her grandmother was having surgery. And that was the first time I saw her in 21 years. And I absolutely melted when I saw her.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Stunningly, naturally beautiful, sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful. Yeah. It was in even the weekend that I saw her for the first time in all those years. I had written in my journal that this weekend is going to be amazing. Loving everything. And after she left, I wrote in my journal I got what I asked for and so much more. I love this woman.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

That is awesome. Yeah. Steve, that is awesome. Yeah. To Tina, that is a great story. And thank you for sharing that. You know, it's sentimental, also motivational. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

If if she was here right now, I would go upstairs after this conversation and she would go, How was your podcast? And I'll say, Oh, it was amazing. And she would always look at me and roll her eyes and go, Did you tell our story again? Yes. I did, baby. And um yes, I did. That's great.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

That's great. Steve, you know, there's someone watching, listening to this episode, may have lost a grandparent, a wife, husband, a child. What is your inspiration to though those individuals that has lost someone and don't know how to move forward?

SPEAKER_00 22:24

It's it's difficult. What I suggest to people, and this is actually my biggest hashtag for this whole year in and for last year as well. Hashtag honor my Tina. So what I encourage people to do, as sad as it is, and as many pieces as your heart may have been broken into when you lost somebody special to you. And it doesn't matter who it is, if they were special to you, they were special to you. I encourage people to think of what that person taught you in life. What example did that person set for you? What did that person inspire you to do? How did that person convince you to believe in yourself more? How did that person make you feel loved? How did that person make you feel welcomed and valued? And then take on all of those things and do them for other people. And then that person is living on within you. So if you can honor those people as best you can and celebrate them, that's why I love the phrase celebration of life versus a funeral.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

If you can go forward and with every breath you take and every day that you wake up on the right side of the grass, which is a good thing and it's a gift, because gratitude is a huge part of everything I do. Yes. If you can do that and honor that person, I mean, every time I do something that I know Tina would have done, I always look up and I wink and I go, thank you, baby, for the for the opportunity to make a decision to honor you today. So and my family and I have that nonprofit uh 501c3 that we founded. We created a giving mission inspired by Tina. And we work with a local program that helps it's it's single parents with kids, uh, mostly moms, but some dads as well, getting back on their feet just just because life happened to them. And they're part of a shelter program for up to a year, and then they hopefully can graduate to their own place. Well, when they do, this program reaches out to us and says, We have a family moving out, they've got X amount of kids, these ages. We put together this thing called Tina's Buckets of Love, which is a laundry basket, a kitchen trash can, and a mop bucket, all overflowing with every household item, cleaning supply that they could possibly need for their new home because they have nothing.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

That is awesome.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

And we just uh my mom and my stepmom, known as the Beach Bum Moms, because it's Beach Bum Philanthropy, or 501c3, they are locally, they are famous. Anytime anyone sees the Beach Bum Moms coming, they know either it was baked with love or bought with love. We've been able to help 15, our 15th family actually, I think next week is moving into their apartment and they'll deliver Tina's buckets of love. So that is great, Steve.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

So Steve, if someone wants to make a donation, I will be posted the websites on the episode description, but just verbally, if you could if someone is interested in donating to your act of kindness and beach bum moms.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Yeah, I appreciate that. Uh at the moment we are rebuilding the page, but when it is back up, it is Beach Bum, one word, beachbumphilanthropy.com. Okay. And we we we just had a new website built for my speaking and my visualization coaching. And that page is still in process of being rebuilt. But yes, beachbumphilanthropy.com. You can also find us on Facebook if you just look up Beach Bumphilanthropy. That's a good place to get some info about us.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

Perfect. Perfect. I will be posting everything on the episode description, Steve. So thank you for sharing that with us. Steve, what is your vision board mastery method? What is that about?

SPEAKER_00 26:21

It's it's actually a method that I created because it's what helped me to put my whole life back together. And a lot of times when people say, you know, oh, a vision board, and and someone will jump and go, Oh, I made a vision board. And I go, okay, send me a picture. And I laugh because I know what's coming. It's a picture of a Lamborghini, a yacht, a private jet, a mansion, a helicopter, a big honking gold watch and a bank vault full of gold bars and piles of cash. And there's nothing wrong with any one of those things. Absolutely. But my question is always it's not so much what do you want to get, but who you want to become in the process. So for me, my method, it's about building the best version of you moving forward. And many people build vision boards, they go to a vision board party or something. And again, nothing wrong with it. But if you're gonna have wine cheese, cracker, scissors, glitter, glue sticks, and poster boards, it's an arts and crafts project. If you haven't done a lot of introspection and inner work. So the method that I take is a is a bit longer of an approach than just a vision board party. But it's 10 simple steps. And it starts with where your life is right now in eight major categories of your life. And we use a life wheel, which is a pretty standard tool in personal development. It looks like a wagon wheel, or if it's laying down, it looks like a pizza. It's got eight spokes to it. Right, right. And it's your physical health, your emotional well-being. Imagine that, setting goals for the emotions you want to feel every day. That's it's phenomenal. Your closest relationships, your core values that guide every single thought, word, and action you put into the world, your faith that that's an important part of your life, your connection with the world in real ways. And boy, didn't that take a beating a couple of years ago during the pandemic? Loneliness, isolation, depression, addiction. Oh, yeah. And then your career and your money. And people get overwhelmed by that. And I say, well, tell you what, all eight of these things are happening 24-7, whether or not you're paying attention. So wouldn't it be a good idea? And another thing that I encourage people to do is evaluate where their life is right now in all of those categories. And then think one year in advance. Don't start with the 20-year goals. You're going to scare yourself to death. Absolutely. One year. Even if it's a bigger goal, what is one year's worth of progress you'd like to make? And start to paint a picture and create a story, a narrative of what you want that version of you to look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, taste like. What are the experiences of it all? Start to really salivate over that next level version of yourself. And then the biggest thing that I encourage people to do is create an emotionally connected why. Why do you want this? Because life in its infinite wisdom and humor, just like the pandemic, it was like a big clump of trees fell across our path. Absolutely. Now, if you really want to see the view from the peak on the other side of those trees, you're going to climb over, dig under, or you're going to start walking left to right. Eventually you're going to come to either treetops or a root system and you can walk around. So if you have a super strong, emotionally connected why to what you want, a tree is not going to stop you. A pebble in the road is not going to stop you. The wind blowing a certain way stops some people. If you have your why. And then after that, you start to find or create the pictures, the words, the hashtags, the mantras, the whatevers to represent it. And then you assemble, and even the way that I assemble the board is different from what a lot of people do. Whatever's most important to you in your life, I believe that deserves to be in the center. Everything else works outward from there. So ever since my 2008 vision board, my Tina has been the center of every single board. Matter of fact, for this year, she still is. I've got more pictures of her on there now than I ever have before. Everything I do honors Tina, and it all works out from there. But that's the approach that I take with regard to vision boards. It's a living, breathing, Wal-Monted GPS for the best of your life.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Yeah. And if someone says, Steve, it's easier said than done. Where do I start? How do I start? What do I do? What would you say to that individual?

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Go somewhere quiet. Turn off all things electronic.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Pen and paper. Just go sit somewhere. I like the beach. That's my favorite place to go. Yes. Um and just write. Write about what your life is like right now and how you would like it to improve. Think back to when you were younger. What did you want to be when you grew up? Is that still important to you? Does that still have appeal for you? Even if you can't do it as a full-time job, how can you bring even the littlest things of joy and passion and purpose into your life? And that's the bare bone start. We're also addicted to our phones and our laptops and our tablets and everything beeps, buzzes, and vibrates and distracts us all day long. Even in our sleep, people sleep with their phone next to them and it vibrates. It wakes them up at two in the morning and they're distracted.

SPEAKER_02 32:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

Right. Shut down everything but your heart and your mind. And just go nuts like you're a kid. Now I'm dating myself, a kid with the Sears catalog, you know, at Christmas time. Right, right. Just start to write what you love your life to be like. And start from there. And somewhere in there, and don't text it to yourself. I'm talking pen or pencil on paper. Because when you hand write, you're using both halves of your brain.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Get it out there. And then read it back. Even if you put it away for a week, go back and reread it again in a quiet place and see how it still makes you feel. And even if it, even if it doesn't mean that you you chuck your entire life and create something new. I I still remember one of my first coaching calls, and this was when I was first starting, I didn't even call myself a coach yet. And a woman was saying she was burning out at her job. She was working 60 to 70 hours a week. She was an accountant and she'd always wanted to work with children with disabilities, but she had so many financial responsibilities, she wasn't, she wouldn't be able to find a job that would pay enough money for her to justify making that move. So I suggested to her, is there any place in the city you live nearby that does activities with those kids? And she goes, Probably, yeah. I said, How about if you volunteered one Saturday morning a month for two hours? I said, it's like it's like slivers. You find these little slivers of time to do something that really touches your heart. Two weeks later, she sent me a picture of her with a few other volunteers with a dozen kids with disabilities at a bowling alley having the time of their life. Wow. She's been volunteering ever since. She is still a very successful accountant. But all of those things that she started to just bring in as slivers, it was worth working all those hours just so she could go and do that for free on a Saturday morning. That is awesome. Look at that.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Wow. Steve, talking about coach R I read about you that there was two coach questions that disrupt your narrative. Let's talk a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Yeah, the biggest questions, and it's funny because these change often. Um the first thing I love to ask people is what do you want? It's very often not what they're doing. That is true. And they go, Well, here's what I want. I go, Well, why aren't you doing it? Oh, I can't. Um and it's a big interrupter. And uh another question I'd love to ask people, it's it's almost the polar opposite of that first question as far as the results. Sure. I'd love to ask them, what's your favorite part of your life right now? And and that has a few sub-questions. If they say, Well, I don't know, I don't know. I'll I'll ask, what was your favorite conversation you get to have this week? Yes. What person did you get to help? What pain did you help make go away? And all of a sudden you start to see this pride come in. They go, Oh my gosh, I had a client call the other day, and I was able to help them in in less than 20 minutes, and they said I was the fourth person they'd called, and nobody else could solve their problem, and I did it.

unknown 35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

And I'll if I'm on a Zoom call with them, I go, look at you. Look at your face on the screen right now. Look away from the camera, look at yourself, look at you. Right. You jolly. So it's it's it's what do you what do you really want and what's working well right now? And you know what that is? That's a toe hold. Yeah, that's a brick and a foundation. Now I'm a big fan of old classic comedy stuff. If you remember, uh, it's from 1974. I get a couple of years on you. Uh the movie Blazing Saddles. Uh it's a comedy slash Western. And at one point early on, there were two of the workers on the railroad were in quicksand and they're sinking and sinking, and one of them finally gets his toe on a rail at the bottom of the quicksand. Yes. And that's how they got out. And that's what I try to find with people is a rail for their toes. What's working right now and what's good in your life. And that's a lot of times that's where we start.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Yeah. My podcast, I released a few episodes talking about a challenge or a 48-hour challenge to challenge yourself.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

And at times I speak to the audience and I and it's something to motivate themselves to do better. Inspire themselves to do something positive in their lives, especially if they're going through something. Right? And you said it perfectly. Isolate yourself in a way. Take a piece of paper, a pen, pencil, and write something down. And then one up it, let's say, challenge yourself, motivate yourself no matter what's happening in your life. Challenge. Even if it's 24 to 48 hours, two days, and see the outcome, and then write down the outcome after the 24 hours, and then try it for a week. Write down the results, then try it for three weeks, and so on and so forth. And then in the blink of an eye, Steve, it's a year later, and your life has changed for the better.

unknown 37:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Absolutely. I had a friend, a fellow speaker, who challenged me to something very similar to that. And this year is my 15th year of my gratitude journal. And it's it's evolved over the years, but what it's been for most of that time is I write down the date and I write the words good stuff. And I write one, two, three. And in less than a line each, because some people say, Oh, I don't have time for this. In less than a line each, I describe my three favorite moments from the previous day. I don't broad brush. Because I asked somebody one time, hey, what are you grateful for? He goes, Oh, my house, my spouse, and my job. And about a month later, I said, Hey, what are you grateful for? He goes, I told you, my house, my spouse, and my job. And I go, Oh my gosh, look at the energy drain you had. I said, if you're just going to say the same thing every day, save your breath. Go get a potato and carve the letters and get a stamp, you know? And I said, Well, what's your favorite part about your house? What do you mean? Yeah. I go, what cool things happened in your house? Or what's your favorite room or your favorite chair? He goes, Oh, yeah. Well, whenever, whenever uh, well, I'm in New England, so you know, whenever the Patriots are on on Sunday, I always sit in the same spot in the same chair. I got my snacks, my beer, and I wear my Patriots jersey. I go, so that's your favorite spot in the house on Sunday afternoons. He goes, Yeah. I go, write that down on Mondays. Write that down, exactly. And just in less than a line each. And of course, like I said, some people say, I don't have time for that. So one day I filmed my process. I set up my phone on a tripod and I just hit record. It took me 38 seconds to write the date, good stuff, one, two, three, and all three moments. 38 seconds to write all of that. Sure. And the coolest part about it, and I actually did this live on a podcast one time. I just happened to have had one of my old gratitude journals here in the recording studio. And the host said, All right, Steve, seriously, how long is that even going to impact you? Do you even remember anything? And I said, Oh my gosh, there's a gratitude journal in here. I'd been looking up something. I opened it to a page and started laughing. And the host said, All right, what is it? I said, Here's what it says.

unknown 40:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

Got Nelly home avoided the cop. Got Nelly home avoided the cop. Nelly was my dad's old plow truck. Now it was not inspected, insured, registered, showed legal. And one night we had to have a mechanic uh do some work on it. So at night we snuck it down to his place. The next night we went back to get it.

unknown 40:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

My dad said, I'm going to stay right on your bumper so no cop will get behind you and see that it's not registered. So we get to the first rotary. Who's there at the next, you know, coming in is a cop car. Now I've got the right away. So I stick my hand on and go, go ahead, sir. He goes, Hey, thanks, buddy. And he's gone. Oh, he did it. Oh. The next morning I wrote, Gotten Ellie home avoided the cop. I like that. Yes. I mean, that now my dad's been gone since October of 2018. So that probably happened about 12 years ago now.

unknown 41:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Because I wrote it in such a way that it it I encapsulated the whole memory in that one phrase. I believe the greatest gift you can give to your future self is something you're grateful for today. So again, like with what you said, even if you just do it for a week, give yourself that gift and put pen to paper and just describe, even briefly, your favorite moments of the day. I do them in the morning when I get to my desk. So I'm taking the best of yesterday and lighting the fire for today with that. Some people do it before they go to bed at night, and they say it actually helps them to sleep more peacefully, which it's beautiful. Okay. So whatever works for you, do it. Do it your way. It's like Burger King of personal development. Have it your way. Yeah. Have it your way.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Steve, why do you believe so many people are missing their purpose in life?

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Because they listened to their parents who said, get a good education and a good job with a good company with good benefits. Yeah. Put your head down for 45 years, retire, and enjoy your golden years.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

It sounds so familiar.

SPEAKER_00 42:23

It's an outdated model, especially now with technology and everything. But it's an outdated model. And there's so many people who feel stuck in their jobs. I can't remember the name of it. I just got it on Audible today. But it's all about finding meaning in your life. And so many people don't have meaning or a purpose. My life's purpose is very simple. I want to be a human plus sign, meaning wherever I go, even in conversations on the phone, on a podcast, at the grocery store. I want to leave as many situations better than I found them in even the smallest ways, through kindness or generosity or a smile or good energy or whatever. I just want to be a human plus sign. So it doesn't matter what I do. It's not, it's not what I want to do, but it's how I want to do it and how I want to walk through this world. And it seems to be working pretty well. I'm, you know, for as challenging as life has been, especially since losing Tina, that's what keeps me going every day. I could, I could easily shut down and hibernate, and nobody would probably give me any trouble about it.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

But getting out of the house, even for a quick little run into town, to commit a simple act of kindness for free, that's what keeps me going if I see an opportunity. And for your viewers and listeners, my favorite way to do this, because especially some people say, I don't have time, I don't have money. Great. Do you ever go shopping? Grocery store? We all do eventually. Look for a carriage that's been abandoned, or somebody who might be putting the last couple of bags in their car. Maybe they have kids in the car. They don't want to obviously walk all the way to a corral because that's unsafe. Offer to return their cart for them. Or if you find one abandoned, don't get all upset because somebody was lazy and left it there. You don't know that person's situation. Go get it, add a few steps to your workout that day, bring it all the way back. And now, if you're an outgoing personality like I am, despite being a natural introvert and actually somewhat naturally shy, I go into full-on car salesman mode when I have a cart that I don't need and I see somebody else coming in and go, excuse me, you need a carriage? They go, uh, yeah. I go, hey, you're gonna love this one. I warmed up the hand grip and the wheels hardly wobble. I think you're gonna dig it. Yeah. And they're laughing. I don't know what kind of day they had. Right. They're laughing. I bump into them four aisles later and I go, hey, did I lie? Is that a good carriage? They go, it's a great carriage. I'm like, all right, have a great day. Exactly. Both guys are trailing behind, and you know, the most beautiful part about that, I own the factory. I'm never gonna run out. It fuels me up and it makes me feel so much better.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

That is awesome, Steve. Steve, I like to um end our interviews with one final question that I like to ask my guest. What final thoughts or message would you like to share with the world?

SPEAKER_00 45:37

This one is straight out of Super Teddy's book, and it's my favorite of all the quotes. It was number two of 20 in the book. Wake up every day and wag yourself happy. And the meaning behind that is now we're inundated by media, social media, the news, all these things. Just rage bait all day long and things that are intentionally created to divide people and get them screaming and yelling, even if they don't have a horse in that race. Wake up every day and wag yourself happy. If there's music that you love that gets you fired up, put that on in the morning instead of the news or instead of doom scrolling through social media. If your faith is an important part of your life, keep whatever your good book is in your bedroom. And each morning just read a couple of pages, something to inspire you. I love to laugh. So one of the first things I love to do in the morning is just pop a video on YouTube of something funny. You know, either either movie scenes or just funny things, or the or the show, Whose Line Is It Anyway, which is hysterically funny, improv. Yeah. Uh I do that. Or if you like to meditate in the morning, maybe a nice little relaxing piece of music that just aligns your chakras and puts your heart and your soul in a good place in the morning. So wake up every day and wag yourself happy. Put something good in your mind, in your heart, in your mouth, something healthy, please. Because uh, you know, I'm pushing 60 and I look back at some of my dietary choices in my 20s and 30s when it would all burn off and I can get away with it. Uh, I encourage people, wake up every day, wag yourself happy. Start with some good stuff. Because the world's gonna try to tear you down anyway. Look at that person in your mirror in the morning. Speak nicely to that person, and then put something good in your ears, in your eyes, in your heart, your soul, and in your stomach.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Steve, I love that. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Well, Steve, my friend, it's been a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you again. I truly appreciate it, and I can't wait to have another conversation with you. Enjoy the rest of your day. You too. Thank you very much. Thank you. Before I go, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for pressing play. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching on YouTube. I truly appreciate you taking the time to be here with me. And if you're watching this on YouTube, make sure to hit the subscribe button. And if you're listening on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other platform, follow the podcast so you don't miss out on the next episode. Because we're going to keep having real honest conversations like this. And remember, your influence grows every time you choose courage over comfort. I'm JV. Stay curious, stay consistent, and keep influencing others.