Why You Can’t Let Go — What Personal Growth Requires to Finally Heal

You’re not stuck… you’re holding on. 

In this powerful episode, Joe Mittiga breaks down why letting go feels so hard and why the real problem isn’t “letting go” at all. 

From fear of change to the deeper emotional patterns that keep you stuck, this conversation reveals what’s actually happening beneath the surface and how to finally move forward. 

If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unable to move on… this episode will hit home.

Transcript

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If you felt lonely, isolated, disconnected, with an empty feeling inside and just yearning for more, knowing something is missing, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Joe Mittigga.

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Hello, and welcome to We. My name is Joe Mittigga, and I'm the host of the We podcast. Right now, more people feel stuck, overwhelmed, and unable to move forward than ever before. It's kind of strange. From the outside, you know, most people's life looks pretty good. You're functioning, you're moving forward. You know, we're all doing what we're supposed to do. But on the inside, something just hasn't let go. Something is bothering you, something is holding on. And that's what this episode is about. It's all about why we can't let go. You know, sometimes we have to let go of relationships, sometimes we have to let go of the moment, sometimes we have to let go of life as we knew it. And a lot of times we just don't know how. The truth of the matter is it's not because you're weak, it's not because you're bored, it's not because you're unloved. It's none of those things. It's because, quite honestly, the letting go process isn't the answer. And in this episode, we're gonna really talk about what it means to let go and what it means to really be able to do it. And of course, I'm gonna share like I always do, and I'm gonna share my experience, strength, and hope. And I want to welcome everybody here today. You know, the Wii podcast is absolutely exploding around the globe. So if you're here for the first time, welcome. I always like to start off by letting people know you know what, I'm not a teacher, I'm not a therapist, I'm certainly not a doctor, I'm just a guy. I'm a guy like you, and you're like me. And that's why, quite honestly, I truly feel like the relationships I'm building here at the We Podcast are so real, because the facts of the matter are, I'm not a how-to show. I'm not gonna tell you what to do and how to do it. I'm gonna share with you what I did. Because, you know, if I can move through life, if I can grow and live the type of life I'm living today, going through all of the different challenges from the depths of the darkest places that humanity could imagine, to quite honestly being in a very cool spot. If I can, you can, that's for sure. And that's the message here. It truly is. And I'm super excited to make some announcements. And at the end of the show, like always, so I hope you stick around. You know, I'm gonna tell my stories, and you know, sometimes I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished, and I don't mind telling you if I'm proud of myself. A lot of times, though, the stories I share, they're embarrassing. It's just the truth, they are why? Because the person I used to be was full of fear, was full of doubt, was full of angst, and quite honestly, was full of pain. And back in the day, I just didn't really know what to do about it. I had some awakenings over time, and you know, but to say that there was guidance and there was true understanding and there was support beyond the one voice, my counselor at the time, there wasn't. And quite honestly, there wasn't because we're talking 30 plus years ago, pre-internet. A lot of my path, a lot of my darker times were before the internet existed. So that's why there's so much hope today, and that's why I believe a show like the We Podcast is truly helping humanity heal. Why? Because we're all waking up. The feminine side of self is waking up, humanity is waking up. And even though there's huge parts of you waking up, there's other parts that say, Hell no, I'm not changing. You can't make me, you can't force me, and I'm gonna win. So stop trying. And if you got any of those parts in you, welcome, because you and I are friends. I'm telling you, folks, that was me. I fought, I cussed, I screamed, I pushed back, I pushed back against everything all the time. And it wasn't because I knew what I was doing, it's because I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have a place to come. Well, the We podcast is that place. So I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you've made it here. I'm glad you're connecting, I'm glad you're listening to multiple episodes. I want people to understand that by design, we create an art in the episode series so that it's something that you can find different answers to, whatever you're going through. And that's why I hope you keep coming back to the Wii podcast and tell people about it. Because you know what? We're in this together. And we are in a time that, unlike any other time in human history, knowledge is doubling and tripling itself every day. The craziness of our political scene, the wars and the divide, you know, we just live in a very different world than we ever had before. And although there's all sorts of literal physical challenges going on out there, we live in a time where there's more wealth than ever before. There's more technology than ever before, there's more possibility to have possibility than ever before. And for some of you, you're on the top of that. You're riding it, you're doing it, you're making it. And I'm super excited for you. But for the rest of us, there are things holding us back. And I want to talk about those things. And I don't want to just talk about it, I want to explain it so you can understand what's truly going on inside of you and answers to how to fix it. And you know what? I'm gonna try to stay calm because I literally, right before I got on to do this podcast, I'm listening to a young man, handsome guy. I don't really even know his name. I know he's one of these people out there that have multiple tens of millions of followers. And I'm hearing this thing. What now he's not the thing, this episode, this epilogue, whatever you call it. I don't know what the hell you call it. I was on Instagram and find my Instagram. I've got 25,000 people that follow me. I think I follow two dozen. Why? Because I'm not an internet person, I'm really not. The only reason I'm on the internet is because it has such a mass availability, a click of a button, and people can hear a message. And that's why I'm here, is because I want a hundred million people a month to hear this message of divinity waking up. And I want people to understand that my message is not the message of yesterday. It's not. I'm not a new thought guy. And you know, the new thought movement basically says, change your thoughts and everything's gonna be fine. Well, folks, how's that working for you? Truly, how's it working for you? And the bottom line, if you're here, it isn't. Why? Because if you could just literally change your thoughts and everything would be hunky-dory and life would be great and wonderful, you'd have already done it, don't you think? And I literally, reels, that was the term I couldn't think of. Reels. I learned what a reel was not long ago. So, for those of you that are laughing right now, join the club. My kids make fun of me unmercifully. They're like, Dad, how the hell can you be on the internet? You know nothing about it. I'm like, listen, my podcast producer, Miss Wendy, said, Joe, you push, play, talk, push, and we'll do the rest. And here we are. And anyways, a reel came up, and this young man is saying, Take a breath and say this. I'm not stuck, I'm starting. I'm not lost, I'm learning. I'm not failing, I'm growing. And he goes on for about 15 freaking minutes. And I'm thinking to myself, the hell does he think he's trying? What is he trying to do? Like, like, literally, what is that trying to accomplish? And honestly, folks, if that worked, you wouldn't be on this podcast, that's for darn sure. You wouldn't be. And I want you to know that if you're the person out there like I was, positive affirmation, that's just this young man. Positive affirmation started in the 80s before this young man is even alive, probably. And I'm not criticizing anybody, I'm not, but I want you to understand that we are the generation of change because we are no longer pursuing the answers to our emotional issues in our head. Your mind cannot heal your heart, your mind cannot heal the issues in your heart. And if you're feeling stuck, it's not in your head, it's in your heart. If you're feeling lost, it's not in your head, it's an experience you're having inside of you. One of my podcasts, the moment you realize your mind cannot heal your heart, listen to that one, please. It goes through a step-by-step-by-step process on how to get on the other side of it, how to truly heal so that your life can be different. And, you know, I never mention names here ever, but there are certain things I see online, and those concepts were around started 40 years ago, the new thought movement. And folks, if that worked, we'd all be walking on water. There would be no poverty, there would be no death, there would be no drugs, there would be no codependence. The entire world would be a wonderful place if all you had to do, if the answer was, I'm not stuck, I'm starting. I'm not lost, I'm learning. Well, you know what? If it's working for you, great. But since you're here, it's probably not. And I want to explain to you why not. And why am I so passionate about it? And that's why I caveated ahead. I was gonna stay calm and I'm not gonna cuss. Maybe I might later. But because if you're like me, I will never forget the day I learned this concept called positive affirmation. It was in the 80s, it was 40 years ago, older, more years than most of you listeners, I learned about the concept of the positive affirmation, and all you have to do is change your mind. Well, it didn't work, it didn't. I thought it would, I thought it could, should. They said it could, they said it should. Well, you know what? It didn't. Now, did I just say, well, something wrong with me? I'm stuck, I can't move forward, and I'm not sure what's going on. No, folks, I shamed the crap out of myself. I belittled myself, I made myself wrong. I said literally over, I'm the only person on the planet that positive affirmations don't work. Why? Because this expert on online or on a video, back then it was on TV, said, All you have to do is change your thoughts and it works. Well, no, it doesn't. A thought is not where your issues are. And the truth of the matter is, folks, humanity's waking up. She is waking up to the feminine side of herself more and more and more and more. And what does that mean? That means that all of us have two basic essences of life inside: a male side and a female side. The male side of self is the part of you that is in control of your mind and your body. Your female side of self is the part of you who is the essence of your emotions and your spiritual sense of self. So, this whole concept of changing your mind and making your life better, if it's working, great. If it's not, please understand there's nothing wrong with you. Please understand that it's not because you're doing something wrong. I hear a woman out there saying, just get your ass off the couch and go do it. I'm like, yeah, no kidding. If they could, they would. Why can't you? And that's what this episode is about. You know, we live in a world that it's changing fast. There's more people afraid of their jobs than ever before. With AI and the technology that's going on out there, and the rate at which things are changing, people are afraid. And if you're afraid, I get it. It's okay to be afraid. It's not okay to let your fear stop you, though. And that's what this episode. I'm gonna go into some details on how you can figure out not if you're stuck, but why you're stuck. And the whole concept of being stuck, the answer is not in your head, the answers are in your heart. And that's what we're gonna talk about here in this show. I did a podcast not long ago, it's one of my top podcasts now that it's called Why You Can't Move Forward. I hope you listen to that one. Listen to that one a couple times. Because if you're not moving forward, you're literally having the experience of being left behind. Are you being left behind? Uh yes, but not really. But if that's the experience you're having, I'm not gonna tell you no. And it because the world around us, humanity around us, is moving so fast, it's growing so fast, things are changing so fast. We have to be able to change to keep up. And sometimes we're being asked to change so quickly, we just hold on because we don't know anything else. So, the topic here today on this podcast, right here, is why are we hold on? Why can't we let go? And what is the personal growth needed to be able to move forward? And that's what we're going to talk about here today. First, let me say this the single most confusing reason to start off with the reason people can't let go, and the true reason that they can't find solution is because the answer to why you can't let go is not in the letting go process. That's not where you find the answer. The question that needs to be asked is why are you holding on? Not why can't you let go? Hear me, and let me repeat that. Your solutions for the experience of I can't let go is not in, you're not going to find the answers in the letting go process. You're not. You're gonna find the answers, the solution, the personal growth is in the asking the question, why am I holding on? Holding on is not our natural state of being. Holding on is a fear-based reactionary pattern that is developed early on, literally. I have a new nephew, his name is Lucas. He is about as precious as he can be. I have a new niece, her name is Everly. Precious. Now, you look at a brand new baby, do they look like they're holding on to anything? No, they can't even hold their freaking heads up, they're not holding on to anything. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, nothing. Why? Because they're safe. Why? Because the parents around them are creating a safe environment. So we in our natural state are not a holding on essence. That's not our birthright, that's not our living as God's image, the holding on concept. Holding on is a creation concept, it's humanity's concept. And when we hold on, that's when later in life we can't let go. So, what is it that causes us to hold on? Why do we hold on? And the answer to that why is fear. Period. And we're going to talk about that today. You know, I say it all the time: we are a multidimensional being, higher self, human self, inner self. The we, higher self, divinity, I call it, inner self, your your deeper emotional side of self and personal self, your humanity. And I tell people all the time, you know, from the divinity perspective, in a personal growth type of episode like this, I don't talk about, I'm I'm not here to tell you what adjective to put on your person on your divinity. I, you know, I my podcast is so new, and um so Apple in the beginning, they don't give many ratings, they don't put the ratings out. I've had tens of thousands of downloads, and right now there's 10 people that have given me stars. And just today I got a star, a one star. And my guess is the person who gave me a one, everybody else has given me a five, is that they don't like my definition of a higher sense of self. And I honor you, I do. I know there are a lot of people out there that have been taught and raised and genuinely believe there's only one spiritual essence called a higher power, and that's whatever your religion calls it. And please know I honor you. I do. I'm not here to change you in any way, shape, or form. I'm not. I'm not here asking the question, what do you call your higher power? I'm here asking the question, are you following your higher sense of self, your higher power? If you're a Christian, are you following Jesus' message? If you're Native American, are you following your great spirit? If you're in a program, a 12-step program, are you following the higher power that you've been, that you have been taught to rely on? The We podcast doesn't tell you what to call your higher sense of self. The we podcast asks and challenges you. Are you following it? Are you living with that part and part of your guidance? And that is one of the parts, and that's why the reason I bring that up is because in this particular podcast today, we're not going to talk a whole lot about surrender, because letting go from the spiritual perspective is called surrender. And what surrender really is, and I've got a whole podcast coming out about that in a couple of weeks, surrender is when the spiritual experience happens inside of yourself where you allow a higher power, a grander essence of yourself to start guiding your life. For example, humanity versus divinity. Is divinity guiding your life? If you're an addict or an alcoholic, is your higher power guiding your life? When you move from self-running your life to a higher power running your life, that's surrender. Who's doing the surrendering? Your humanity. Who's doing the guiding? A grander sense of self. I've got a whole episode that I'll be doing on that here in a couple of weeks. So today, the letting go conversation, we're not going to talk a whole lot about the spiritual side of letting go. We're going to talk about the physical side of letting go and the emotional side of letting go. Because basically, there's different components to you. So, in turn, there's different solutions in the letting go process. Basically, letting go in an overarching picture, there's physical letting go, there's emotional letting go, and there's spiritual letting go. Like I just said in a minute ago, the spiritual letting go or the concept called surrender is in another podcast today where we're going to really focus on the physical and the emotional letting go. Process and why we can't do it. And as I continue on today, I'm going to give you techniques. I'm going to give you step by step on what you need to do to be able to actually accomplish the experience of I'm failing. I'm being left behind. I'm feel lost. I am a person that does not negate the part of you who's literally in that experience as we're speaking. Folks, if you feel lost, there's nothing wrong with you. If you feel stuck, it's okay. Now, I'm not saying that lost and stuck in all of that is where we want you to stay, but there's techniques that can help you heal the reason why. And that's what we're going to talk about here now. So I want to ask the question, I want to kind of bring it up in that way. So let's talk about it. So why, not just why do we need to let go or why can't we let go? But why do we typically need to let go? What is it that's going on in our world that says time to let go? And 99% of the time, the letting go process comes into our world and we can feel great and everything can feel wonderful, and we can really life can be going wonderful. And then we change, we grow, we shift, we age. And that in which we used to do it, how we used to do life, doesn't work anymore. But the natural process, the consequence of shifting from your old to your new, it's not easy for a lot of people. The letting go process, literally from the physical position, it's a lot of times we have to let go of an old job, or we have to let go of an old location wherever we lived, or we have to let go of old friends, or we have to let go of a spouse or a partner or a family member. We have to let them go. And what does it mean to let them go? Basically, what it means, the letting go, what does letting go mean? It means you have to change the action steps which you called normal and do different action steps. And when you change the action steps from the physical position of the letting go, basically you're letting go of something by simply changing actions, doing the physical world differently, i.e., like changing jobs. You let go of the old job, you started a new job. Well, if you've ever tried to do that, why is it hard? Why can't people just effortlessly do it? If you're in a relationship that's toxic or hurtful or hateful, if you're in a relationship where you've just outgrown the person, why is it so hard to let them go? And the answer is change. In the physical world, the single hardest, the single most fearful thing that people have to go through is the fear of change. So the reason that we don't let go of that in which is familiar, even if it's hurtful, hateful, or not good for us, is the fear of change. And people say, well, that's that's crazy. I'm changing into something better. I know, of course you are, but that doesn't mean it's going to make it easier. So the technique and what we have to do to help is we have to address and become aware. This is where the personal growth part of this episode comes in. We have to become aware of the voices in our head that are telling us not to change. And how do you do that? You get out that handy dandy piece of paper. If you're new here, I do this a lot. I am not somebody who ignores experiences or ignores voices or acts like the voice isn't there by trying to change it with an affirmation. Why? Because it doesn't freaking work. If it worked, you wouldn't be here. If all you had to do is change your mind. I'm not stuck, I'm starting. If that freaking worked, everybody would be starting and nobody would be stuck. Well, folks, you're here. So the reason it didn't work is because the part of you who feels stuck is a real live aspect of you. I say it all the time: give a voice to your darkest part. Ask, listen, and then live. Ask who in me feels stuck. Instead of the hell with you, stuck part, I'm just going to ignore you and act like you're not there by saying something else. We wonder why self-esteem is so low. We wonder why personal self-worth is so low. Because the quote-unquote gurus of the internet out there are literally teaching techniques that abandon very large parts of you. If you're feeling stuck, folks, there's a part inside of you who feels stuck. How? So the question is, what do we do about it? Well, the answer is right. And let's say you want to change jobs or whatever your it is that you're feeling like you're holding on to, the old job, the old partner, the making more money, the new create, whatever the it is. I want to do a book, can't do it. Whatever it is, what you do, how you do it, is you write that on a piece of paper with your dominant hand. I'm a right-handed writer. So if you're right-handed, dominant hand is right hand. If you're left hand, dominant hand is left hand. So you write it down. You say, I want to change jobs. I need to change jobs. I am stuck in my job. I'm going to change. And then that's the asking. That's the stating of the statement. And then you listen. And when you hear the voice that says, Oh no, we're not. No, no, no, that's way too scary. What if we don't make enough money? What if they don't like us? I've got great benefits here. People know me here. I'm not good enough for a new job. I'm too fat. They won't like me. You know, I'm too old. You have to listen because we all have hundreds of those voices. Because if you didn't, you know what? You wouldn't feel stuck. Because you don't feel stuck on everything. When it's time to go grocery shopping and you're a Kroger shopper and not a public shop shopper, you don't feel if you have to go to publics, you don't feel stuck, you gotta go to Kroger. No. But big stuff, big change. Oh, that's right. Fear of change. Well, how do we identify the fear of change? We have to identify the voices that are causing the fear. Well, what are the voices? Every one of the glass empty voices that positive affirmations say, just ignore and act like they're not there and try to change their minds. That's why I always say, if it worked, we'd all do it. That's why the podcast I have the moment you realize your mind can't heal your heart. Listen to it. Listen to it over and over. Why? Because I go through step by step those voices in your head that are telling you you can't, I'm afraid, we don't deserve, I can't do it, no one's gonna want us. All of those guilt-based, shame-based voices, those are the voices that are causing your inability to let go. Not the letting go themselves, the voices. Well, a lot of times, all you have to do is write those voices down. Step one, tell somebody else, which is the hard part, step two, and then ask for support in the taking of the new action step. Step three, ask, listen, live. The live part is then move forward and take the new action. And in that whole process, quite honestly, there's a discovery, a personal awareness that happens. And the awareness, the personal awareness that happens that most people don't realize is most people have no idea how many self-limiting voices they have. They just don't know. You just don't know. And you're always trying to fix the I can't let go action, and you're never addressing the voices that are causing you to hold on. The no one's going to like me at my new job belief system. What the hell? Who's gonna voluntarily go to a job where you know no one's gonna like you? Well, nobody. Now, is that voice true? No. But when it's rattling around in your head times a hundred other voices, that's exactly why you can't do it. That's exactly why you can't change those voices. Now, for Joe, I never stopped at the voice. For Joe, I always had to find out why do I have the unloving voice in the first place? And that's where the voices, the unloving voices, the glass empty voices, those parts of you are in your humanity. Those are in your ego part of self. And sometimes, most times, for most people, simply becoming aware, personally aware of those voices and then telling somebody else, it cuts the power of the voice in half. And what happens when the power of the voices get cut in half or cut in half again or cut in half again? What happens to the what happens in your actual world? Your ability to move forward and do something different is the consequence. Well, the doing something different is the opposite of holding on. Why? Because holding on is trying to keep you stationary, doing nothing or doing the same thing over and over and over. Why? Because of fear of change. Yes. Well, fear of change is the emotional, is the emotional fear. The voices in your head are convincing you over and over and over, no, don't move forward. Not moving forward is the consequence of not letting go. Moving forward in whatever the act is, whatever you feel like you're holding on to, changing the behavior, changing the action step is the opposite of holding on. It's moving on. If you write out down all those voices, you the power of those voices controlling you, your awareness, your personal awareness. You awaken to the possibility that you can do something different when the power of the glass empty voices aren't dominating your life. And that's why writing them down is very, very, it's very, very enlightening. It brings a lot of awareness for people. But where the real healing happens, where the real power happens, is when you tell somebody else. And it's in the telling of somebody else where you're literally living your multidimensional self. The part doing the telling is the part that's going to be moving on. The part that's being told about is the old you. And the old you is the part that wants to hold on and stay stationary and not change because I'm too afraid to change. The new you is the part that's going to be sharing about that other part with somebody else. And it's in the sharing where two or more are gathered. God is there. I firmly believe that. I know that for a fact. That's definitely an experience I had numerous, numerous times myself in doing first steps. My very first first step was, I don't have any voices. Nope, don't have a one, none. Well, I wrote 12 legal size pads of paper of voices. Bullet point, bullet point, bullet point. It's a technique that works, folks. Now, I will say, does that heal the reason why you have the glass empty voice? No, it doesn't. That's deeper work, that's therapeutic work, that's self-discovery work, that's getting into the emotional sense of self. That typically you're going to need more help. You're going to need a therapist, you're going to need somebody to guide you deeper. For most, though, the only thing bugging you in life is that you're afraid to change jobs. Writing down the voices and telling somebody those glass empty voices is all you really need. Your life has changed. You do a new job, and everything is fine. Or leave a relationship. You want to be the president of the homeowners association, or you want to write a book, or you want to start a non-profit, whatever your it is, the holding back, write down the voices, and you'll be amazed. That's the physical side of self. That's the physical component of the letting go process. Now, a step deeper is the emotional side of self, the emotional change. And emotional change happens when your behavior patterns out into the world are causing you harm or somebody else harm. Codependence, for an example, or addiction, for an example. And the reason those behaviors have to change and we hold on to those behaviors is not fear of change, but fear of the pain that happens as a consequence of change. We're afraid of the emotional consequence if we change our behaviors. I'll give you an example. Convinced. And for three years, he played boyfriend, lover, provider. He played dad role, mom role, sister role to his own girlfriend. I'm like, John, you have to stop. A, you can't fix her. And B, the only reason you want to fix her is because when you see her in pain, you think the pain inside of you is hers. It's not. Let me repeat that, folks. What is codependence? Codependence is when you use a behavior pattern, a fixing of somebody else, a controlling of somebody else, the taking care of somebody else as a consequence of your own pain. And that is a hard one. Trust me. Codependence is a difficult one. Why? Because in your heart of hearts, in your mind, you know you're loving them by helping them. No, you're not. You're hurting them by helping them, and you're abandoning yourself. Literally. That's the truth. That's why codependence is such a toxic experience, truly toxic. The other thing, besides when some people are really codependent, some people are addicted, numbing. Here's the truth, folks. Why do you drink every day? Why do you put alcohol in your body every day? There's no health benefit to it. None. Zero. Nada. Oh, a glass of wine. Don't get me started. Don't get me started. And you know what? I get to bitch and I get to moan and I get to tell you when was the last time you went 90 days with no alcohol, no drugs? I'm asking, you the listener, right now, when was the last time? 90 days. For a lot of you, you're fine. You don't do it at all. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking about everybody else. And why do I get to say it? Because back on February the 13th, 1994, now 32 years ago, I asked myself that question. And you know what the answer was? The first time I ever asked the question, I was 15 years old. The time I asked the question, I was almost 31. So I'm asking you right now, when is the last time you went with no alcohol in your system, no drugs in your system, no smoking in your system, no vaping you? I'm not smoking, I'm a vaping. You're an addict. And I don't care if you wear a suit, tie, and you look cool as crap, vaping, if you're vaping, you're suppressing something. How do I know? Why else would somebody put smoke in their body to suppress something? Why? Because there's pain. So think about it. Remove the alcohol, what's left? Pain. Remove the drugs, what's left? Pain. Remove the cigarettes, what's left? Pain. So the holding on to the need to take care of somebody else, the holding on to the need to a substance, the holding on to the need of fixing somebody else, the holding on to a numbing something, whatever the it is. And yes, exercise can be. Yeah. You're working out six days a week, no break, always trying to get jacked, never satisfied, always that's not for the health of it. It's not, it's for your boosting of your ego. Is there a balance you can find when it comes to exercise? Yes. Is there a balance you can find when it comes to everything? Yes. And if you were already in balance, you wouldn't be having to let go of the need to take care of somebody else or the need to numb. So the emotional side of letting go isn't in the I'm just gonna put it down, not drink anymore. Good luck. I'm just gonna stop. Yeah, good. I hope you do. Good luck. Why can't you? Why haven't you? Why can't you do it? You know why? Because as soon as your pain starts creeping up, your voices come in and say, Oh, I gotta check on Johnny. So I something's going on. Johnny needs some of me. And I said, My friend, not just the other day, another gal I sport all the time. I'm like, listen, John's fine. Sit your ass on your couch. I I cloaked this term, keep your backside on your couch. And then when you hear the voices, just like the voices that say, I can't change my job, I can't change my location, I'm not good enough to be the homeowners association, I can't write a book. No, that same set of voices in the physical world are gonna say the same thing in the emotional world, but it's gonna be a different cloak and it's gonna be it's gonna be covered in the delusion. I love them. That's why I'm doing it. No, that's a load of crap. That's not love. Fixing somebody is abusive. Taking care of somebody, now, caveat, of course. If somebody is in true need, of course. If you're taking care of an elderly person or a young person, yes. And everybody on this podcast knows exactly what I'm freaking talking about. I'm not talking about caregiving somebody who needs physical caregiving. I'm talking about your boyfriend who's perfectly fine, but you believe you got to fix him. That's called codependence. And the reason you're fixing him is because your own inner self is hurting. Period. No hurt, no need to fix him. That's a fact. And how do I know? Well, folks, I was the absolute king of addiction. I was addicted to everything. Thank God back in the 80s, 70s, and 80s, when I was doing it, they didn't have the drugs that today. I'd be dead. There's no question. But I thought addiction was hard. Codependence was 10 times harder. I always say addiction is the king of discovery. Well, codependence is the queen, and we all know who rules the house. That's the queen. And so codependence is hard. It's hard to get over. Why? Because it's so freaking confusing. We swear on a stack of Bibles, we're helping them. You're not helping them. You're not. If somebody in your life is drinking too much, you can't fix them. You can't fix them. And quite honestly, if you enable them and never let them hit a bottom, you're participating in their death. Fact. Now, you might not ever come back to this podcast. I don't blame you. Nobody wants to face the truth. I had another friend. I said, Kathy, you have to stop. Why? Well, he can't this and he can't that, and he can't this, and he can't that. I said, you know what? You know what he needs? He needs to sit three days in his vomit with piss all over himself, hungry, and reach out to somebody else besides you. Why? Because if your friend John never reaches a bottom and reaches out to a power greater than himself, saying, I need help, he's gonna die. Alcohol's gonna kill him. And Kathy, you can't fix him. Every time you cushion his bottom, he drinks the next day. That's a fact. That's a brutal reality for codependence of alcoholic partners that you have to face. But the great news is, folks, there's an in global network of meetings out there now that you can get help on. Global. Al Anon is global. And it's the same on the other side. If you're the alcoholic and you can't stop drinking or you can't stop drugging, why are you doing it? Powerlessness, of course, addiction, of course, but what's under all of it? Emotion. And it ain't the fun ones. It's the mad ones and the sad ones and the scared ones. Not a whole lot of glad ones. Why do we then act out? Fear. It's the same. In the physical world, the holding on process, the I can't let go process, the underlying root is fear of change in the physical world. New job, new location, new whatever. In the emotional world, it's not fear of change, it's fear of the emotion that's underneath when you change. Stop drinking for 90 days and just see how. At first, you're going to feel fantastic, but there's probably some emotion that needs to come up that you've been suppressing with alcohol. Stop fixing Johnny. Stay on your couch. Stop, write those voices down. Whenever there's a voice, I tell my friend all the time, I said, Kathy, every time you hear when you're sitting on your couch and you hear a voice that says, I need to go fix John because write it down. I need to fix him because I need to fix him because I need to help him. He can't. He this, he can't. Any sentence in your head that has somebody else's name in it, write it down on a piece of paper and tell somebody. Why? Because your ego, your codependence, is trying to get you to act out instead of feel the feelings that are underneath you. Why? I used to call those parts protector parts. My my counselor Nancy would say, Joe, what are you protecting yourself from? I said, All the pain. All the pain inside. That's what I was protecting myself from. And it was that pain I didn't know at the time. I learned this that I'm sharing with you now. No one told me. I would spin. Those voices would go nuts. And I would spin and I would spin and I would spin. Spinning meaning the voice going over and over and over. I had a I had an old girlfriend, her name was Amy. And I said, and just so everybody knows, I change names here all the time. My old girlfriend's name wasn't really Amy, but I'm not gonna call her by the name. My old girlfriend, Amy, I'm just gonna call her. I would say, when I would get in pain, I wonder what Amy's doing. I should call Amy. I wonder if Amy would have sex with me. I bet we'd have I oh we had great sex. I wonder if she would, I wonder if she'd like me still. But you know the insanity of that? Amy was on her third boyfriend after three years and was in a serious relationship getting engaged. Literally, you think my ego voice cared? No. Why? Because the voice wasn't about me and it wasn't about Amy, it was about Joe acting out a behavior pattern, in this case sex, that would keep me out of the depths of my pain, my feelings, my emotion. Why is that all important now, folks? Because the emotional side of you is opening up at a rate it's never done in human history. The emotional side of you is coming up, is coming out at a rate faster than ever before. So the voices, we have to do something with the voices so you can feel your feelings. You can emote your emotions. It's when you emote the emotions, you feel and express the deep emotion that the part of you that feels stuck feels stuck because it's buried in suppressed emotion. The part of you that feels lost is lost because it's buried in fear, it's buried in anger, it's buried in emotion. That's why I get so passionate and I have to calm myself. I don't want to guss these people. But when they say, I'm not lost, I'm learning. That's a load of shit. Excuse my French. You're not learning anything if you don't listen to the part of you who's lost. Now, you want to learn something? Put your pen in the left hand and listen. Ask the part, okay, inner child or inner Joe who feels so lost, talk to me. What can I do for you? And let that part speak, the lost part, give a voice to the lost part instead of constantly trying to change its mind. Give a voice to the stuck part instead of always trying to change its mind. As those parts deeper, and this is the emotional awareness, this is emotional healing. This is where true emotional healing happens. When you give a voice to the deeper parts, those parts feel heard, they feel honored, they feel worthy, and they will emote. And when they emote, the glass empty voices go away. When they emote, their fear goes away. Well, when your glass empty voices go away and your fear goes away, what happens? The need to hold on evaporates. So the letting go process is no longer an issue. Let me repeat that. A part is holding on because of fear. In the physical world, it's fear of change. In the emotional world, it's fear of the emotion, the pain. In the physical world, the fear of change, you write down all those glass empty voices, which are the source of your fear of change. You write them all down, you tell them to somebody else. It cuts the power of that in half. So your fear of moving forward, the fear and the need to hold on lessens. And if you're not holding on, the consequences you let go. When you heal the reason you're holding on, the consequences letting go. Letting go is not an action step, folks. It's it happens as the consequence of taking action steps. From the emotional side of self, we're afraid of our feelings, the emotion. How do you heal it? What do you do? You give a voice to the part who's hurting. How do you do that? You put your pen, in my case, in my left hand, and I let that part. I say, any part of me who feels stuck, feels lost, feels lonely, feels scared. Any part that feels like it's being left behind, those parts, let those parts talk. Instead of making them wrong by thinking I'm stuck, so I'm wrong. No, you're not. You're not wrong. That's a real life experience in you. Give a voice to that part and watch what happens. As those deeper parts feel heard, they open. As they open, they emote. You grieve for a while, you rage for a while, you get some fear out. Yes, there's going to be emotion. You're going to suppress, you're going to express suppressed emotion. Where'd that come from? Years of never honoring it. Where'd that come from? We grew up in an environment years ago that didn't know how to didn't know how to embrace our emotional sense of self. So we're doing it now. Why do we need to? Because humanity's waking up. The feminine side of you is opening up more and more. Why do people feel more lost, more concerned, more left behind than ever before? They think it's because of AI. They think it's because of politics, they think it's because of something outside themselves. No. It's because your inner sense of self, the inner you, the inner emotional you is waking up. And if that part doesn't get honored, then it doesn't feel and it doesn't experience and it doesn't actually get the emotion out, then the experience you're going to have is not being able to let go, which is holding on, which is caused by fear of change or fear of emotion. Heal the root, the fears go away. When you don't have a need to hold on, the consequence is letting go. When you're not holding on, that means you're able to let go, then you're able to move forward. And that's what we're wanting. That's why we're doing it. We're wanting to move on. I always like to share some stories, and this is where sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not. I like to share in in the different context, right? I years ago, now this is pre, I was still a drinker, and I would shoot pool. I really, I was pretty good. And it was something that we'd shoot pool at the local bars and strip clubs and places like that. My game, my friends, my people that everybody knew my name. And back in the day, I was pretty proud of that. I had friends that worked at the bars, I had friends that were dancers, I had a lot of buddies that would shoot pool, and that's what we did. And there was a time where I knew it was time, and the whole in that 50 days after after after I became aware that I had gone 15 years without drinking, February 13th. I guess I'll tell that story real quick for new people. February 13th, a buddy comes in screaming, hollering, what the hell is wrong with you, Lincoln? He says, You're never gonna guess what these SOBs want me to do, Joe. They want me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and not drink. I remember thinking that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Who would want to go 90 days without drinking? That's what I said to myself back then. February 13th was the day, 1994. And I and I asked myself the question. It was my second conscious thought ever. First conscious thought was after my third DUI, I realized that the police weren't trying to get me to stop driving. They were trying to get me to stop drinking and driving. I remember thinking, oh, okay, I won't drink and drive anymore. I'll just smoke marijuana. Marijuana was my drug of choice. That was awareness one and the wisdom of a 26-year-old. So fast forward, I'm almost 30. My birthday's in March. This is February. Seven, I make it seven days. On the seventh day, alcohol disease has me by the throat. I'm at a buddy's house. I raised my hand, and I was a not a god guy, that's for sure. Listen to my story. If you haven't listened to my story, it's the one that Wayne Dyer quotes Jesus. That's my true story, my inner child story. So definitely listen to that because it gives you a real good insight to me as the man, the person where I started and really what happened. So, anyways, I raised my hands and I said, God, if I'm not supposed to drink a drug, I need your help. I feel a rush of energy come down my body, a tear comes out my left eye, and compulsions for drugs and alcohol were removed, literally. For the next 54 days, life was different. I wasn't drinking, wasn't drugging. I was on that path of no drugs, no alcohol. And but I was still visiting and doing the same old behaviors. I would still go to the same bars, I just wouldn't drink. I would still shoot pool and I just wouldn't drink. And I just wasn't ready to let go of that. I didn't even know I needed to, to be honest. And the story I'm gonna tell about that, it isn't though I knew it at the time. I can look back and say, God doing for me what I could not do for myself. But so I'm shooting pool, and we're in this place, and we had our own pool queues. We were it was fun, it was a great hobby. And at the time, I could probably beat eight out of nine, eight out of ten guys. There were a couple of guys you never beat them. You play them all the time, you lose your five bucks just to see if you could, but they were elite. I was really good, I wasn't elite, but I had the queue, and so myself and my buddies were at this place, and there's this young kid that's doing the shell game. And the shell game, if you're not familiar, there's a marble, and then there's like three small shells, and he would ship the shells underneath the marble, and he would show the marble under shell C, and then he'd ship them all around, and you'd bet whether you could tell where the marble was. People would bet. And if you got it, you won. If you didn't, you lost. So I'm standing back, Mr. Cool, you know, tough guy. I think I've got everything under control. I'm cool, and I'm watching, and I'm watching, and I'm watching, and then eventually they're reeling me, and I had no idea. They meaning it was more than one, which I did not know at the time. He says, 10 bucks, 10 bucks. I said, fine, 10 bucks, and he let me win. Double or nothing, double or not, fine, double, because I could see it. I was back far enough, I could see the ball, and then he just kept leading me up. Now he's got me because I won. I'm up to like 40. He says, double or nothing for your pool cue. If I win, I get your pool cue. If you win, I give you$100. I'm like, what the hell? That's the easiest hundred bucks I've ever had. And so this is all part of the letting go, right? I'm 50, I'm probably about 38 days without drinking. And sure enough, does it the whole thing? And this time I miss it. He grabs my pool cue, runs out the door. It happens so fast, I don't even know what's going on. And I was big, I was mean. I almost went chasing after him, and then something stopped me. And then a couple of the guys grabbed me and they laughed. They said, You just got hustled. Like, what the hell are you talking about? I was watching and blah, blah, blah. It's my big ego not letting go. I was a pool player for Christ's sake. Well, you can't be a pool player if you don't have a pool cue, right? He said, Joe, did you feel the girl bump into you while she was while he was doing the shells? Yeah, what uh what about it? When she bumped, he switched. I got hustled, like literally hustled. There were three of them. He says, You don't want to go after them. I said, Why not? They'll kill you, they will shoot you. Oh. Like, I wasn't gonna let that go. Just wasn't happening, wasn't letting go of not shooting pool. God did for me what I couldn't do for myself back in the day. It's kind of embarrassing. You can't let go of a pool cue. I didn't let it go, it was hustled from me. But because of that, I never went back to the bar. And because I never went back to the bar, I never was tempted to drink. And wasn't ever tempted to drink, I didn't drink again, never did from that point forward. So if there's something in your world that you got to let go of and you can't get some help, write the voices. I didn't know to write the voices back then, and an emotional letting go that happened for me. Fast forward, you know. I ended up having memories of being abused as a kid. So my sobriety date is April the 16th. For those of you that don't know, listen to different podcasts. You can hear my stories, and there's a podcast that that talks about why love requires emotional growth. That's a really that's one of my powerful ones. I really am proud of that one because it shares my story, it shares the emotional part, the emotional growth I had to go through. Well, I got married, married the preacher's daughter, and my past wife, Elizabeth, and I we had a good time, good marriage, had babies, the whole thing. And then we just grew in different ways. We parented differently, we grew differently, and our paths eventually separated. She came in one day and said, Joe, I've divorced you. And I remember thinking at the time, I didn't want a divorce. I knew I couldn't give her what she wanted, that I knew there was a need she had that I could not, I couldn't do. I couldn't give it to her what she needed. She needed, and I don't want to sit here, but she needed something I couldn't give her spiritually, and so she divorced me. And then I became a built-in babysitter. And all I wanted from my divorce was I was going to be close to my kids, and I didn't go through a brutal divorce because I didn't try to keep anything, I left with what I had in my front seat of my car. And I've got a woman that's gonna come on this podcast that's building a really powerful website for divorce and supporting. And this is a great place for me to start talking about. I'm creating come June, we're gonna be doing two episodes a week, and during the week, we're gonna have somebody's story. I'm calling it We Voices, where I'm gonna have some people share their stories and so other you can hear other people's stories, spirit and strength, and hope. And this woman will be on, so I don't want to talk about it too much now. But, anyways, about 18 months into my divorce, I find out that my past wife has started dating. We're 10 years different, so I'm in my mid-50s, she's in her, I'm in my early 50s at this point. I had my second child at 49, y'all, just so you know. And she starts dating. And she'd been dating a man for a while, and it hurt, it really hurt, like ouch hurt. And then one day she comes up to me and she says, You know, Joe, it's none of your business, but we really care about each other, and that hurt. Now, was my pain about her? Yes, some, but man, woman, dating a long time, the natural consequence of men and women dating a long time, it ends up going from holding hands to holding necks to touching belly buttons, and that whole process, right? The thought of my past wife belly button to belly button with another man was brutal on me. Why? Because the voice is in my head. She's she was my one, she was my person. So I made a sacred covenant over and over and over, four months of grieving. Why? Because I couldn't act out the voice. She had moved on. Everything she did at this point was perfectly healthy, loving, had nothing to do with me. She went through it in an amazingly loving way. Did that matter to Joe? No, it hurt four months, three hours a day, somewhere in there, two or three times a day. I'd grieve the loss of my past wife, the loss of my past marriage, the loss of my sacred covenant, the loss of the woman of my dreams, quite honestly. And then it would go into deeper and deeper, well beyond my marriage, into childhood neglects and all of that. Now, for Folks, I am super practiced at it, right? Still had support, but I'm practiced. So what I'm telling you, and the reason I'm saying this to you, is there are going to be experiences in your life because my voices in my head were saying we should still be together and we made a commitment to each other and we had a covenant with God together and she was my person. My voices were saying that. She hadn't been my person legally in almost two years. We'd had our challenges months before that. So nothing that was going on in my head was actually true. Did I deny it? No. Did I make it less then? No. Did I do anything? No. I sat in front of a music box and I grieved and I grieved and I grieved. Why? Because the voices were trying to keep me out of my grief. The grief needed to come out. And in my case, unlike most, I'm just connected deeply to that kind of stuff and very, very practiced at it, honestly. So it came and I grieved. And eventually, eventually. Now we're got to fast forward now to about month 48, four years. I'm down in Florida and have a guilt-free attraction to a beautiful woman. Now I say guilt-free, and why I say that is because when I was married, I'd be attracted to a woman. Of course you are. Hey, and just FYI. Women, your husband's going to be attracted to another woman. He just is. That's called human. Now, doesn't mean he gets to do anything about it. And just like I would do, I could be attracted to a woman, and immediately there's healthy guilt that says, yes, she's beautiful, and I'm with my wife. Yes, she's beautiful, and I'm with my partner, my life partner. And in this particular, I was I had a guilt-free attraction. In other words, I was attracted to a beautiful woman with no boundary, with no separation. And I knew then I had done it. I had healed, I had grieved my marriage long enough. Now I didn't grieve for three years. I did grieve for three months. But that was a real live experiential sensation in me that says, I'm attracted to a woman with no guilt, no boundary, no anything. I finished grieving my past wife. And I did that because every time I heard the voice, I sat on my couch. Now, my couch is the floor of my bedroom with my doors locked in front of a music box, listening to music, because that's how I do it. I grieve. That's how I grieve. And so if you've got a process, if you've got something you're going through and you hear the voices that are putting somebody else's name in your sentences in your head, you need to write those voices down and you need to sit on your couch because those voices are trying to get you to act out your codependence instead of feeling your feelings. Period. That's the key. And the last story I want to end with is just kind of happening why I'm here today, quite honestly. 20 years. I had two books come through me 25, 30 years ago. First one is called Your Inner Childhood's Rights Two. Second one was called 21st Century Sales from the Soul. Both of those books have been rewritten. Both of those books are going to be published here soon. All of you are going to have the opportunity to buy those books, and I'm going to be giving a bunch of them away for free. And but it was 20 some odd years that my desire, my spiritual essence was kept inward to my family. I wasn't guided to put it out into the world. September 22nd, 2022. I'm listening, I read a document of a woman online. I've told this story a lot of times. And she's talking about a grander tomorrow. And I know that's her divinity. My divinity starts waking up. I can feel it inside. And then I hear this same woman share a story. And as she's sharing this story, she's sharing from her heart. She tears up about something that happened in her past. And my heart opens. And out of nowhere, I'm feeling my heart open. And I'm feeling my divinity re-engage. And a book called Unequally Yoked comes pouring through me just like it did 25 years ago. And my book, We, which is coming out here again soon, eventually starts pouring through me. So for the past three and a half years, since that day, Joe has had to let go of the old Joe. And what was the old Joe defined as? Single dad, not public. I had five pictures of me online. I wasn't in the public world. I wasn't. That's just who Joe was back then. And I had to, for these past three years, I've been going through the psychic death, the spiritual change, because the old me, single dad, and all of that, and not dating and all of that, I've outgrew that. Sharing my message in the world. It was time for Joe to get back on the stage. I went to South Africa, did a TEDx. Find my TEDx, you'll see it. 300 and 750,000 people have watched my TEDx. I just did another one here now. So I share all that because the past couple, two or three years, from a spiritual sense of Joe, literally, my divinity is sharing back out into the world. And it didn't for 25 years. So I went through, I don't go through the quote unquote holding on anymore. I'm practiced enough to where I don't hold on. But it doesn't mean there's not grief. You have to go through the grieving process. And I've done that a lot, shifting from the old me to the new me. And why am I telling you this story? Because there's a new you waking up more and more every day. Right now, you wouldn't make it this long in my podcast if it wasn't. My podcast wouldn't be exploding. We wouldn't be on the top 200 global charts at 141 if it wasn't something different. It's not Joe, it's Joe's divinity speaking, and it's your divinity that brought you here, literally, and it's happening around the globe. And in this past three and a half years, I had to grieve the old me so the new me could come out and share. And that's what we're doing here on the We Podcast. We Voices is going to be an additional set of voices. So you can hear stories of experience, strength, and hope from people that have had their own challenges and made it through and got on the other side. I will never be a how-to. I'm not going to tell you what to do. There'll never be a commercial on the Wii podcast. Never. And if you ever hear a commercial on my podcast, you write me a letter and stop listening. I'm promising you right now, there'll never be a commercial on this. Why? I'm not doing it for the commercial or the people ask me all the time, what are you making money? It's not why I do it, folks. I don't do it. I do it for a life purpose. And what is that to heal humanity? How do I do that? Well, if we can get enough people like you, like your friends, like me, moving from living as a humanity and pursuing their divinity, the more people pursue their divinity, the more people wake up. The more people wake up, the more people pursue their divinity. The consequence of pursuing of divinity, humanity pursues gratitude, which is the receiving of energetic pleasures based on putting it out there and accomplishing. Divinity pursues grace, which is the experience you feel in your heart, your soul, your mind as you're giving back, as you're sharing, as you're helping, as you're helping the world become a better place. The goal here at the We Podcast is 100 million downloads a month. And we're going to make it. Why? Because together we're doing it. Together we're waking up. Together we're making a difference. And together we're healing humanity one smile at a time. Thank you so much for your support. And thank you so much for being here with me on this path as we make a difference. Thank you for being here.

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So that's it for today's episode of the We Podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a$25,000 private VIP day with Joe himself. Be sure to head on over to WePodcast.