2. Self-Leadership: Becoming a Leader Worth Following

What if the hardest person you’ll ever lead is the one in the mirror? In this episode, we dig into the real work of self-leadership—aligning your faith, mindset, and daily habits so you can become a man worth following at home, at work, and in your community.

We walk through Romans 12, the “six inches” between your ears, and the small private wins that shape who you are when no one’s watching. You’ll hear practical tools for breaking autopilot, keeping promises to yourself, setting goals that matter, and building routines that actually stick—plus a few honest stories and friendly jabs along the way.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a nudge, and let us know: what’s the first small win you’re stacking this week?

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Transcript

Defining Self‑Leadership

Jon 0:10

Welcome to the Uncommon Man Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jon Pearce, along with Mr. Devin Jeffreys. How are you today, sir?

Devin 0:19

As you would like to say, I am fantastic.

Jon 0:24

I am fantastic.

Devin 0:25

Yeah.

Jon 0:25

I'm always fantastic.

Devin 0:26

Okay.

Jon 0:27

There's no reason not to be fantastic.

Devin 0:28

That's right.

Jon 0:30

Well, today, we're just let's just dive right in here. Today we're talking about self-leadership, becoming a leader that you want to follow. And so I th I think before we go any further, we had to talk about what self-leadership is. So, Devin, what do you think? What do you think self-leadership is?

Devin 0:54

I feel like it it starts number one with where your heart is, with where your heart is postured. Is your heart postured to God? If it's not, I just think you're gonna have a lot more difficult time of being able to identify what it means to truly be the CEO of your life. Think about it this way: as the CEO of your life, you're in control of the hiring and the firing. You're in control of who's in your life and who's not. You're in control of every bit or most of your surroundings and how you respond to them. So I think for us to be able to truly identify what self-leadership, we have to look at within ourselves. Where's our heart pointed at? If it's not pointed to God, like I said, I just think you're gonna have a lot harder time to be able to lead yourself because leading yourself to me, it begins with controlling your thoughts, your

Heart Posture And Core Beliefs

Devin 1:51

actions, your disciplines. I think it's whether whether they're spiritual or they're physical in really any area of your life, but as well, as you pointed out in the preparation for this episode, and I'm gonna steal this because I love it. Your core beliefs also will play a huge part in how you lead yourself.

Jon 2:10

Yeah, because what you what you believe at your core, whether you even know what your core beliefs are, whether you know what they are or not, you still have them, you've developed them over the course of your life, and they play a huge, huge part in how you live your life every single day.

Devin 2:30

Exactly.

Romans 12 And Renewed Minds

Devin 2:31

The the verse for today where we're gonna camp out is going to be in Romans chapter 12, verses one and two, and it says this it says, I appeal to you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Fun fact about Romans chapter 12 in college, I had to memorize and stand in front of the class the entire chapter of Romans chapter 12. Prove it. I can't do that. I have a degree that can prove it.

Jon 3:14

That doesn't prove anything. That proves you memorized it long enough to get the facts. Don't tell me you never did the same thing.

Devin 3:25

I got my gold star, all right. I'm proud

The Six Inches Between Your Ears

Devin 3:27

of my gold star, anyways. Yeah, it's a soft clap. But anyway, so so alongside having your heart pointed to God, I think self-leadership involves and really begins with winning that war within your mind. Winning the six inches of the battle that you face every single day, that it's you versus you, right? Yeah, I heard it put this way one time that we are six inches away from the greatest miracle of our lives. And if you want to put it in a sports term, think about it this way. What game is known as the game of itchance, John? Football. I'm honestly impressed you knew that. Me and you both.

Jon 4:06

Honestly, I was I was a guess.

Devin 4:08

Yeah, because you're like the yay sports guy, and I'm and I'm the guy that's like okay, okay.

Jon 4:12

Truthfully, I really do like sports. It's just I care less and less about football every year.

Devin 4:17

It's the greatest sport ever done. Anyways, and to all you baseball fans, you're wrong, I'm right. But that's besides the point. But winning that war within your mind and winning those six inches, if football is known as a game of inches, then that means that games are won and lost by those inches. I believe this. I believe your day is won or lost based on whether or not you've won that war of six inches in between your ears. I think that it involves how you view yourself every single day, plays into how you respond to things, how you treat people. I how you view yourself starts with going back to that first point, having your heart postured to the Lord.

Jon 5:05

Yeah. And how you how you see yourself in the mirror, what you see in the mirror when you look in the mirror,

Shadows, Triggers, And Discipline

Jon 5:12

what your sh your shadow. Yeah. You mentioned at some point during small group about a book you were reading with a shadow.

Devin 5:23

Correct. Yeah, I'm reading a book called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality right now, and in it, he's talking about identifying the shadows within your life. And the shadows within your life are the things that you look at, you know they're there, but you don't want to do anything about. Yeah. They're the reason you respond the way you do to things. Like, right. Have you ever had something happen, John, and then you were like, Why did I respond that way? Yeah. Yep. You know, a lot of it can be pointed back to the things that you either you either like most of the time you don't like the things that are in your shadow. It's kind of like for me, that load of laundry, that like I've I've done it.

Jon 6:01

You know you need to do it, but you don't want to do it. Exactly. It's kind of the definition of discipline is doing the things that you know you need to do.

Devin 6:09

Yeah, but uh but I'll

Jon 6:10

if you're Mike Tyson, you do it like you love it.

Devin 6:12

That's right. But also, I mean, I don't I don't love folding laundry, so you know I think I do what every man does, and uh you just stick it in the basket and then stick the basket on top of something, and then you just pick from the basket as you need it. Wow, or is that just me? Am I the only one that does that? Yep. Okay, well, the good news is I have a wife that that helps me through all that because otherwise I would absolutely do that kind of do what? It's took a left turn when she listens to this. She's gonna go, excuse me. As she should. Exactly.

Jon 6:45

But all right, so uh well, we identified one of Devin's shadows.

Devin 6:50

That's correct. Devin hates laundry.

Jon 6:53

All right. Keep it going. I think the shadow is more like disciplined to do the laundry. It's okay that you hate it, but you still gotta do it. That's right. That's the point I'm trying to make. So let's let's let's shift and talk about why we would even need to make it better. So to be a good leader, you have to you have to first be someone that's even worth following. Yeah. Like I'm not gonna go follow the homeless dude at the corner down there. He's not worth following. Right. He's gonna lead me. Where's he gonna lead me? Death and destruction is where he's gonna lead me. Yeah. Into a we won't go.

Devin 7:32

He's gonna lead you down dark alleys in the areas that you don't want to go down. And but the thing is, is I think when you're talking about being someone that's worth following, that is so broad because we have to we have to look at what it's like to lead, lead your family, to lead your kids, to lead your wife. Yeah, but before you can do any of that, you have to lead yourself first. That's right. Exactly. So why why does it need to be better? I think I think one of the things you have to ask yourself is what are some of the areas in your life that

Being Worth Following Starts Within

Devin 8:05

you're not leading yourself well in? What are areas that need more discipline? Do you have someone, and this is a big one, do you have somebody who is willing to call you out on your crap?

Jon 8:19

Yeah, you definitely need somebody or multiple somebodies.

Devin 8:24

You know, like I I would love to believe, John, that that if if I if I just showed up all the time in a bad mood or showed up all the time and I was just uh cursing one way and uh uh you know, up and down the other, that you would pull me aside and go, dude, what's wrong with you? I wouldn't pull you aside. You would just call me out right then and there? Yep. Okay, that's fine. But somebody that that will somebody that will do that, somebody that'll tell you, hey, look, you're not yourself. What's going on? And if this is yourself, you should change it. That's right. But but asking yourself those those questions. What are some areas of your life that you're not leading yourself well in? Areas of your life that need more discipline, and do you have those people to call you out on your stuff?

Jon 9:05

Yeah, we absolutely need people in our lives. That's why I think small groups are so one reason to me that small groups are so important is just having so people have

Accountability And Calling Out Blind Spots

Jon 9:20

their small groups, and so let's say it's like a Bible study or something, that's wonderful. But when you get a small group of like we have, like the small group we have is something special, man. Very it is something special. I've been to a few. It's called Fatherhood. This is yeah, Cultivate Church, Alabaster, Alabama, Fatherhood, small group, be there at B Square. But it is something really special because we can sit and we're it it's like a I don't know what's that what's that movie, Banda Brothers? Yeah, that's what it feels like. Like we're not in it's an amazing movie. I want to go watch it now. You can after the episode. But we can sit there and talk about whatever we need to, but at the same time, if we're trying to talk about something that's going on in our life and it's just something that we just need to fix, somebody's gonna say that.

Devin 10:14

That's right. But here's the thing, I think when we're talking about the areas that we're not leading ourselves when what we're talking about there, truthfully, is bad leadership. Bad leadership of yourself, right?

Jon 10:26

You're a bad CEO.

Devin 10:28

Yeah, you've got in other words, this would you hire or fire yourself that day? Like, did you work in the way that you that you knew brought the most honor and glory to the father? You know, I I I had a job one time that had me working under just poor leadership. And I I remember being there, and in that season, what I felt like was I was like, man, I really feel like if this dude were to truly take a look in the mirror and look for why things are the way that they are within this organization, why it's not grown to its potential, and why the staff turnover is as high as what it is. I think if he were to truly look in the mirror, he might be able to identify some areas that he needed to look in his shadow. And truthfully, I think I think for a lot of you listeners out there, you probably either have been or are under bad leadership. I mean, John, you've been there? Oh, yeah, plenty of times. Learned from it.

Jon 11:30

Learned what learned what not to do.

Devin 11:32

Yeah, that's right.

Jon 11:33

And so we when we're talking about being truthfully, that's probably a lot of people's stories. You ask people how many good leaders have you had in your life and how many bad leaders have you had in your life, they remember the bad ones. Yeah. Most people have had one, maybe two great leaders. Or great, you could say great bosses, but bosses that actually led their team.

Devin 11:53

That's right. Jordan Peterson said it this way: treat yourself like you're someone you're responsible for

Bad Bosses, Mirrors, And Self‑Audit

Devin 12:00

helping.

Jon 12:00

I believe that's chapter two, 12 rules of life. Is it chapter two?

Devin 12:05

I think so. Yeah, that sounds about right. It's been a minute since I've He's going to get the book.

Jon 12:11

I mean, I mean, I had it on standby. What chapter is it? I don't want to get it wrong. I can't get it wrong. Chapter two.

Devin 12:19

It is chapter two. Gold Star for John Pierce, ladies and gentlemen.

Jon 12:22

We both get a gold star today. How about that?

Devin 12:26

That's right. But the the biggest question here as we as we kind of shift to the next part of this is gonna be where could we stand to lead better in a way that is uncommon?

Jon 12:38

Well, I think leading yourself in general, pretty uncommon. Like actually putting the effort in to lead yourself and just be a better person, be all that God created you to be, is uncommon in and of itself. Your average man is gonna just flow through life, and whatever happens, happens.

Devin 13:02

Well, this is just how it was always it always is this is just how it's this is the story of my life. You know what? Guess what? Write your own freaking story, man. Yeah, for real. You get to write your story as the CEO, as the author of the of your own book, you get to write that and you get to decide for yourself. You know what?

Jon 13:22

You know that being said, while you're writing your story, you should be pursuing God's purpose for your life.

Devin 13:31

Absolutely. But if you want to identify the areas that you suck at the most in your life, and you want to identify ways to improve them, it's gotta be done through scripture.

unknown 13:47

Yeah.

Devin 13:48

I would argue this.

Jon 13:49

If it's not in scripture, it's not of God. Well, it has to be it has to be in scripture, and you also have to have it in you have to have it in the right perspective. So let's let me let me explain where I'm coming coming from with that. Let's say your goal is to lose 12 pounds. Point blank period, that's the whole goal. Lose 12 pounds. When you lose 12 pounds, you met your goal. Okay, great. Now what? Well, you're probably gonna gain that 12 pounds back because you don't have anything to work towards anymore unless you create a new goal and you're just creating goals on goals on goals. What you need is a long-term

Uncommon Leadership And Writing Your Story

Jon 14:28

goal. Like, I want to be able to run a 10-minute mile when I'm 90. I wanna I wanna roll around in the yard with my great grandkids. That's a long-term goal. That's a goal for that's a goal to be fit and you can make choices now that are going to affect that goal way in the future, not three months from now to lose 12 pounds. You're you're too you're too short-sighted there. You can't just make a list and say, I want to do these things. There needs to be, you need to have a perspective and they need to be in the right they need to be in the right place in your mind in order to actually accomplish them. And if it's a discipline of some kind, to stay disciplined, you have to have a reason for doing that. And if that is the pursuit of God's purpose for your life, or which generally I think it probably should be, uh depending on what the thing is, but God's purpose for your life is gonna drastically drive something far more than anything else will, any short-term goal.

Devin 15:38

Essentially, like this: what has God called you to do, and what are you willing to do to fulfill that calling? I think maybe for a lot of people, they don't know what that is. They don't know that it's something that truthfully they need to sit down, spend time. You know, one of the senior pastors of our church says it this way you make time for what's important to you. Oh, yeah. If you want to, you will. Exactly. And that small tweaks will small tweaks for your life will lead to the higher peaks for you. So for

Long‑Term Goals Over Quick Fixes

Devin 16:10

you to figure out the things that you don't do well, you're gonna have to sit down and spend some time. And let me go ahead and tell you, it's gonna suck.

Jon 16:16

Yeah, you're gonna feel about that big whenever you're done because you're gonna be like For all those listening, he held up his fingers about one and a half millimeters apart.

Devin 16:26

Exactly. But you know, for so for a lot of people, they need to figure that out for for what God has told them to do in their lives that they're not. How do you serve others or at all? And are you stewarding what God has given you? Are you obeying him? Philippians 2.8. Is my spiritual health suffering? No, wait. I skipped over something. Sorry. In Philippians 2.8, in being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death. Even the death on a cross. That that man, that is such strong wording. That's one of my favorite verses. And he he was so obedient. And to do that, you have to be obedient. It's about being obedient to the Lord, what he's called you to do in your life, and then what he's trying to call out of you. The things and the people in your life that that are there that quite frankly either do or don't need to be. Right.

Jon 17:28

And not in addition to that, not squandering gifts and that sort of thing.

Devin 17:33

You're right. Ask yourself, is my spiritual health suffering? Is my physical health suffering? Do I keep my word to others? And and do they trust me? In other words, this are you dependable? I know for me, if you really like if somebody truthfully uh wants to get on my, you know what, he's not gonna talk to me, so I be somebody who's not dependable. Side sidebar.

Jon 17:55

I think I don't have specific wording to explain

Obedience, Stewardship, And Priorities

Jon 18:00

why I think this, and I haven't fully thought this out yet. But I'm I kind of think being dependable and keeping your word are ever so slightly different things. Okay. I think they're I think they're I think they're separate topics to be explored. That's fine. Yeah, in the in the future.

Devin 18:19

Yeah, I would love that. I think that would be great. We're gonna be here for a minute anyway, so I sure hope so. Exactly. But so so for that to be understood is that being somebody who is dependable is going to be a very key quality, I think, for self-leadership. Keeping your word to yourself. If you told your if you tell yourself, you know what, I'm gonna get up at 6 30 in the morning. Maybe you maybe you're like me and you don't you're not a morning dude, right?

Jon 18:46

You know, you're definitely not. He bragged about getting up at 7 the other day.

Devin 18:50

Listen, I am blessed. What? First off, I'm blessed with a toddler. Like my half half of my day is gone by 7 a.m. Are you one of those psychos that gets up at 4 a.m.? Not by choice. I kind of have to. Buddy, you're waking the Lord up at 4 a.m., okay? There's something so far beyond wrong with that. But regardless, you know, if you're somebody like me who who does not like getting up in the mornings and you say, well, okay, I want to get up at 6 a.m. or at 6 30 or whatever it is. I personally don't believe anything good comes before 6 a.m. It does. A lot of good things. I think you're wrong. But if being true to that word for yourself, you set that goal for yourself. So be true to yourself for that. And and then, you know, come hell or high water. I'm going to do whatever it takes. How determined are you? How bad do you want it? I heard it put this way you'll never achieve the goals that you have set for your life until you first determine how bad you want them.

Jon 19:51

Yeah. And you're not going to determine how bad you want them unless you know why you want them to begin with.

Devin 19:57

Exactly.

Jon 19:58

Right. And so when you're going through

Dependability And Keeping Your Word

Jon 20:00

Through your list that you've made. Now, I I will say this. I personally hate lists. I don't like people telling me what I can and can't do. And I especially don't want a piece of paper telling me how much I suck. Even I mean, even though I put the words down there. I I don't like lists. I don't like I don't even like grocery lists because it's telling me what I gotta get. Like, don't tell me how to live my life. I'll get whatever I want to get at the grocery store. Yeah, go to telling your girlfriend that well. Anyway. Now as a person that hates lists, this is something that's helped me. And it's something I should didn't preparation of this. I probably need to do again. Because I've got like things in my life are changing every other day, it seems like. And as as things change, as your circumstances change, sometimes you just need to reprioritize things. And while you're doing that, some things just kind of fall by the wayside. Your spiritual health might suffer. You're not spending time with the Lord like you need to every day. You're not working out like you need to every day, or whatever insert thing here that you may or may not have identified on your list. Now, some people, if and we hope everybody does actually make a list like this. And if you do, like share that if you're if you're willing to. Some people may not be. If you don't want to, fine. But share that and we can all learn and grow together. Because someone may see something on someone else's list that's right.

Devin 21:42

By the way, if you think you're the only one whose lists look like that, you're dead wrong.

Jon 21:47

Mine is so lopsided because I'm like super critical of myself. And I'm like, so you might tell what's something I'm good at, Devin.

Devin 21:55

I gotta think a minute here. Okay. All right.

Jon 21:59

Just

Lists, Reprioritizing, And Community

Jon 22:00

one random thing.

Devin 22:01

You're you're good with uh sound and audio equipment. Oh equip equipment.

Jon 22:06

Yeah, see, I think I suck at it to you as a normal like muggle, if you will. Like, I'm a wizard. But to someone that does it every single day of their life, I'm a muggle. I have no idea what I'm doing. Yeah. So I'm critical of myself. I'm just I look at everything and I'm like, I could do better at that. What is something I'm good at, John?

Devin 22:29

You're a pretty great dad. I'm a good dad? I think you're a great dad. I don't know, man. My daughter got mad and threw a teddy bear at me earlier, so well toddler. That's right. But I show up for my kids, and I I think for me it it's it's something that, you know, and people have asked me before, how did you become, so to speak, the father that that we see you to be? And I'm like, if you only knew, as I shared in episode one of this, that a literal small group was born out of our church because I told my wife I felt like I sucked at being a father, you know? And so the once you have determined for yourself the things that you need to identify, I think kind of the next thing to to kind of put a bow on it is you've got to put it in action.

Jon 23:22

Aggressively put these things into action.

Devin 23:25

Like you're almost like your life depends on it. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. You know, and and and here's the thing, I would recommend tackling them one or two things at a time. If you depending on how long your list is, right? Right. Yeah. So don't just look at your list as a whole and go, oh my gosh, I'm this horrible human being. No, listen, first off, there's 20 other lists that are that that look exactly like yours, number one. But then number two, if you tackle them one at a time, it's kind of like climbing out of debt, right? What do you do? You tackle the smaller ones first.

Jon 23:59

Example, if one of your things on your list is I have no morning routine, I don't do like I would like to do these things. Let's let's say that you want your morning routine to look like you want to read your Bible, pray, get a quick workout in, I don't know, shower, whatever. God, please shower if you work out. Well, it's recommended. Regardless, whatever you want that to look like. But you're doing none of those things. If you try to do all of those things at once, you're Oh, you'll last a day, maybe two. Exactly. Exactly. So that's the point. Like some of these things on your list might be small things, like, oh, I used to do that really well. I'm really sucking at that here lately. Let me let me fix that.

Devin 24:44

And identify for yourself what how important what's the important level, right? Maybe you need to put a one or a five, one through five out beside it.

Jon 24:53

We've we've mentioned this like how many times so far about how important things are to you, like your the your priorities, basically.

Devin 25:04

Yeah. How important is it to you? Because it and to put it into perspective, if you have a family and somebody said, I'm going to destroy everything you own unless you climb Mount Everest. Oh, you climb Mount Everest? You're climbing

Start Small, Stack Wins, Stay Consistent

Devin 25:20

Mount Everest, dang it, right? Yeah, you know, so how important is it to you that if you had to do it, it meant that you were going to keep them safe or you were gonna die trying. Right. And how important is it to you? Because until you identify that, it's not going to matter. You have to have your starting point and you have to have the level of important things, important things labeled out. If your life's a dumpster fire in regards to your physical health, and then you try to be David Goggins overnight, you won't stick to it. You'll kill yourself. You you actually will. I met so fun story. I actually met David Goggins in spring or in early 2025. Did he cuss a lot? Every other word, every other word, every other word. And even more awkward was about midway through when he's like, My mom is down there. And I was like, Man, I know your mom cannot feel good about you setting the record for the number of F-bombs. I mean, but that dude is an animal. Yeah. Like, I some of the things that he talked about, it was one of those where I was like, you know what? You you just a better dude than I am. Like, you live, bro. It's kind of like going to the gym and you see the dude who's absolutely ripped. For me, I look at that guy and I go, Why are you here? Right. Like you won.

Jon 26:40

Yeah, but see, the thing is, he didn't win because he has a goal. He's thinking way farther ahead in the future. That's right. Or he's just addicted to the gym. I don't know, but you get the point.

Devin 26:50

Exactly. But if you try to go, if you try to take your physical physical health and go from a couch potato to David Goggins, it's not gonna stick. And then the rest of the list just goes down the drain. You may already be doing pretty well and not have a very long list, and that's good too. Or you may not even be leading yourself at all. Right. And you may have 15,000 things on your list.

Jon 27:15

Don't hear us, don't hear us wrong. There is absolutely, as a matter of fact, if you've ever read David Goggins' book, he cusses in the book too, by the way. In case you're wondering, it's a good book. There's there's a lot of F bombs. But anyway, he went from a couch potato to David Goggins. Yeah. He was, I don't know, but it became but it was a process. I don't know how many pounds he lost. That man the point of his yes, but there's there's absolutely nothing wrong with having those lofty goals, but he didn't go run for 24 hours straight, like straight away. No, he started out small. He started out doing as much as he could, as much as he could do, and how much and as much as he could maintain. And he

Goggins, Process, And Progressive Load

Jon 28:00

also had a goal in his sights in the future that he wanted to be a Navy SEAL.

Devin 28:08

Exactly.

Jon 28:09

And and he worked to get there. And he what his goal is now, why he's still an animal, I couldn't tell you.

Devin 28:16

But he's a rich animal now. But besides the point is he identified his shadows, he tackled them, he changed them, and he began to lead himself in the best way possible. Absolutely. Maybe not towards the Lord. I don't know. Maybe he does know the Lord, maybe he doesn't. But again, identify those things, posture your heart to the Lord, and then make your list, attack your list aggressively, and spend some time this week. This will be my encouragement for everybody out there. Spend some time this week to think about these things and to pray. Why are they important and why they should be? How can your life be better if you do these small things better? John, why don't you pray us out?

Jon 29:01

Lord, thank you so much for the opportunity to sit and discuss self-leadership, how we can all become better. Lord, help us to identify these things in our lives and help us to help us to be better leaders of ourselves, Lord. Help us to be better leaders of ourselves so that we can be better leaders of our families and our communities around us. Lord, please be with us. Thank you for everything that you do in Jesus' name. Amen. Let's get out of here. Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.podcast at gmail.com. Keep pursuing excellence and above all, pursue practice.