8. Communication Is More Than Words

Communication isn’t just what you say—it’s how you listen, how you respond, and what your body language communicates before words ever leave your mouth. In this episode, we talk about why men internalize so much, how phones and distractions damage real connection, and why listening to respond instead of listening to understand breaks relationships.

Drawing from James 1:19 and Ephesians 4:29, we look at how Scripture calls us to communicate with patience, self-control, and purpose. Stronger relationships and better leadership start with learning to communicate beyond words.

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Transcript

Cold Open: House Hunt & Life Updates

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Welcome to the Uncommon Man Podcast. We're your host. I'm John, along with Mr. Devin here. How are you doing today, bud? I'm good, man. Glad to be here. So anything interesting happened in your life lately?

Devin 0:22

Gosh, no, not really. It's been pretty boring. Yeah, well, well, mundane, but we're also like very much counting our blessings, and we're trying to buy a house right now. So good luck with that. Appreciate it. It's you know, dude, they make it the literally, it's so stupid how overcomplicated we've made it. Buying a that process of buying a house? Yes. It is complicated. Like I had a friend of mine share that he went to go buy a house, and he said, I told them I wanted the washer and dryer to come with the house. He said, dude, they had this brand new state-of-the-art Samsung washer and dryer. Control it from your phone. And I turn around and I said, Yeah, I can control my dryer from my phone. You know what it does? It sends me an alert and goes, Hey, your clothes are dry. You know what I do? I clear the alert and let the clothes sit in the dryer for three days. Okay. Plus, I know it's done because it goes ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and it sings a whole daggam tune to me. Wow, mine just buzzes. No, no, no, no. So mine sings like, and don't get me wrong, me and Britney came up with lyrics for the actual washer and dryer song. No, I will not share because that is private between me and her. And one day I'm convinced we'll be able to make a video and I'll be able to make a lot of money off of it. That's my retirement plan. But anyway, so my buddy calls me and he's like, hey, yeah, we're we're trying to buy this house. And I told him that I wanted to, I wanted this washer and dryer, or I wanted this washer and dryer to come with the house. So the couple took that washer and dryer when they sold the house, went and bought brand new like $300 washer dryer sets. That's the absolute biggest piece of crap on the market that Lowe's has to offer, and then sat it in there. And whenever my buddy calls his realtor and he's like, Hey, we said we wanted this, we wanted the washer and dryer in the house. And he said, Yeah, but you didn't say you wanted that one, like you didn't say you wanted the Samsung model number, blah, blah, blah, blah, in there. So they took it with them. And I was like, Are really wow. So yeah, that that's

Valentine’s Day And Hockey Chaos

Devin 2:45

that's where we are. We're trying to buy a house, but that's that's besides the point. We're we first world problems, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Yeah, that's the definition of first world problems. So as we record this, this is the morning of Valentine's Day. Yes. And Laura for Valentine's Day said all she wanted to do was go to the hockey game because they were having wiener dog races. How awesome is that, though? Wiener dog races. Like between the first and second period, they raced wiener dogs.

Devin 3:18

Did they did they run on the ice or did they?

SPEAKER_02 3:20

No, they were on the ice. One of them took a dump on the ice. Like I heard the announcer yell, uh-oh, code brown. I was like, dear God. But the smile on her face was just like, all right, this was worth it.

Devin 3:33

How awesome though is it that like your your your girlfriend is that woman that's like, hey, dude, listen, I want to go watch grown men beat the snot out of each other on an eye shrink and have a steak. Like, that's the ultimate.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

What was hilarious is after the Wiener Dog races, her and I were sitting there, and there'd be a penalty or something, and I'd be like, What happened? She's like, I don't know. Like, neither one of us have a clue what in the world's going on the whole time. Like, I mean, I have a little bit of an idea. Like, the one of them was offsides, like, I know what that is. But she was there, was other things that was happening, and both of us were just like, I don't know.

Devin 4:13

Somebody up north who really loves hockey is cringing in their skin right now.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

No, for real, I like hockey, I just don't understand what the heck's going on most of the time. So if you if somebody knows and you want to enlighten me, I would be I'd be happy to say that.

Devin 4:29

Please, somebody do that. No, so uh when Britney and I were dating, we went to the ice hockey rink in, you know, the town nearby from us. And I I've never felt more uneasy on my ankles in my entire life. And we'd only been dating. Well, just kill the whole set, John. Sorry. Good God, man. This is why we can't take you nowhere. Continue. Anyway, so I was I was telling her the whole time, I'm like, I got this. Like, I'm gonna go out there and I'm suddenly gonna be able to, you know, skate on ice, never done it before a day in my life. I could skate, I could, I could stay up, but I couldn't stop. So at one point in time, she and I decided that we were going to race 10 feet. And I think I went 50 feet, won the race, and then crashed into the glass. Nice. So at any rate, yeah, it was so it is Valentine's Day. My wife and I are gonna grill steaks and probably watch some tootie fruity love story out on the I'm doing the same thing. Out on the patio. Yeah. So hopefully minus the love story, but we'll see. Well, at any rate, uh I do have to give my dad a shout out though, real quick. Okay. For for Valentine's. My dad does one of the coolest things, in my opinion, that that grandfathers and papas and whoever whatever can do. My dad goes to all of his granddaughters. So he's got my two girls plus two others. Uh so he's got a total of four granddaughters. And my dad goes to every single one of like he goes to my house, he'll go to my sister's house, he'll go to my brother's house, and he takes every one of them, like the big bougie thing of flowers. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like there's ten dollar flowers when you walk into Walmart, and then there's the big bouquet with the baby's breath and all that other stuff. Yeah. Makes you wonder why is that called baby's breath? I have no idea. Yeah, I don't care. Anyway, so he takes them all flowers for Valentine's Day. And I just I mean, I have a picture for every year. Of course, my daughter's three, so but there's

Why Communication Matters For Men

Devin 6:50

there's pictures every year of my daughter and my dad sitting there. And I know one day, like I'm gonna look back on that and remember that as being something that my dad did. So shout out to you, dad. Thanks for being a great papa. Nice. So, anyways, we're here today to discuss communication because I think communication is one of the things that for us we uh we as men don't talk enough about, especially married men, or men in relationships don't talk enough about it. Men have this very nasty trait and habit of internalizing everything. Yeah. And then wondering, you know, why eventually it explodes.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

So and just for clarity's sake, we don't mean it's not just about communication in your marriage or just communication in we we mean communication in general, because even if you're in some type of leadership position, you need good communication with your well i people above you and below you.

Devin 7:56

Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

And if that's without good communication, then things get lost, things don't get done, things get done wrong, people get mad about things, you know.

Devin 8:06

Yeah, I mean, most communication we'll we'll we'll go ahead and I'm gonna kind of skip over a point here, but then I'm gonna circle back to it. 90% of communication is nonverbal. Yep. And I remember the first time I ever heard that, I was like, that makes literally no sense. But 90% of it's nonverbal. The distance I I I would argue this the distance between your ears and your shoulders is paramount, it matters a ton. Think about it from a body language. So let's talk about it. Communication starts from a body language perspective.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Yeah, and just to define what you're talking about a little bit there, it's like if you look bored and your head just kind of lays over, like that's excuse me, been fighting on sinus thing lately. But when your head just kind of lays over and you look bored, like that's telling the person that's talking to you that you're not interested in the conversation.

Devin 9:03

Yeah. Or so whenever I said the distance between the ears and the shoulders, you're talking about from the head tilt, one way or the other. Right? Now, it's funny you say that because a lot of times when one of us is thinking, especially if we're making notes, you know, for this episode, we're kind of like this.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

We have our yeah, but like that there's a difference in that I do that sometimes, but you can tell by the facial expression as well. But your point still still stands, even though you or I kind of, you know, tilt your head sideways because we're thinking, yes, our ear is closer to our shoulder, and that could still unintentionally tell someone that we're not interested in what they're saying. Even though we are, like it I know I do that, even though I am, I'm just thinking about what you are saying right now. It could still communicate, I'm not interested in what you're saying. So but the point is your body language and things that you things that you do, even even if you do it unintentionally, really drive home whether you're interested in what they're saying or if you're listening,

Body Language Sets The Tone

SPEAKER_02 10:15

or I don't know, even if you agree or disagree with them.

Devin 10:18

Your body language matters in way more aspects of your life than you probably realize. Yeah. So think about it if you're going in for a job interview or for even just a conversation with your wife, like whatever that looks like, your body language is going to speak volumes behind what the other person will see and think about the perception that it is of what you're saying.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Yeah.

Devin 10:47

So what I'm getting at here is when you're having that conversation with somebody, focus on your body language. Don't just think about what the person is saying. And this is another point. We did not put this in here, but I it's paramount. Don't far too many people have this issue where if they're talking and they're having they're engaged in a conversation with somebody, rather than listen to the other person, they're formulating their responses. That's a huge, huge, huge issue.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

That's listening to respond instead of listening to wait, hold on. Listening to respond instead of listening to how does that go? I have no idea where you're going with that. Deg on it.

Devin 11:36

Why don't you look it up while I continue? Don't it's there. Don't if if you're simply listening to respond, you're going to miss what is actually being said. Understand. Okay. So listening to respond. Instead of listening to understand.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

That's the word I was looking for. Okay. So say the full You're listening to respond instead of listening to understand what the other person's saying. So you're not actually listening to what they're saying, you're just trying to think of what your response to what they're saying is going to be. Exactly.

Devin 12:05

Yeah. And so the issue there becomes nobody if if nobody is hearing the other person, nothing's getting accomplished. Yep. You know, and so I think that that's the thing that the majority of men fail to see in in their in their wives, is they don't they focus on one of two things, either one, how it applies to them, or two, what their response is going to be to that. Right. Like I know some guys who will get this text from their wives or their girlfriends or whatever, and they'll have full-on deep-rooted relationship conversations via text. Yeah. I'm not a fan of that. So my wife and I have a role in our in our marriage. If if there is a difficult conversation, or if one of us starts getting heated, you have to go to the bed. Like we go to the bedroom. The bedrooms are our our sanctuary. And it's but it's because like that's our safe place, right? And in there, nobody, like, nobody else is allowed in there. Nobody. Besides if you're not Gracie, Samson, Ariel, Blakely, which are my two dogs, my two daughters. The dogs are the kids. Yeah, if you're not the dogs or the kids, no, bro. You know, like even the first time, think about the first time you came over to my house, right? Yeah, I know. So Anyway, you go to the bedroom. But yeah, we go to the bedroom. We have our deep-rooted conversation in there. That's our sanctuary. And I think that that that is one of the biggest key points is when you're focused on listening to understand what the other person is saying, instead of just outright saying, you know, well, you don't do this. Like that's all deflection.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Well, another reason I don't like having conversations like that via text is because you can't see someone. One, you can't see somebody's body language. You can read the words they say, but you can't hear how they said them, you can't hear the inflection in their voice. You don't it it's hard to communicate effectively through a text. Now, if it's just, hey, I'm gonna be there at 7 30, yeah, whatever, right? But if it's a serious conversation, I am not a fan.

Devin 14:30

That's right. So the next point here that I have is when besides just body language, okay, part of body language, part of your communication, your effective communication with other people. Put your daggum phone down.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yeah, that's I mean, that's not it's not really body language, but it it applies to communication for sure. Because we live in a society nowadays where it everyone just has a phone like permanently glued to their hand, more or less.

Devin 15:06

But yet the majority of people don't answer them.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

It's bizarre, isn't it? We have phones. Somebody feels attacked right now, and I'm not sorry. You call somebody and they're like, I'm not answering the phone. It's it's it's hilarious. You were more likely to answer the phone when you didn't, anyway.

Devin 15:24

So here's what's funny. So so some people I will say, I see calling me, and I'm like, I don't have the energy for you today.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

But it it almost seems like I've I've noticed this somewhat recently. It

Listen To Understand, Not Respond

SPEAKER_02 15:40

seems like so. Let's say five years ago, if you're talking to somebody and you pick up your phone and check it real quick because somebody keeps calling or or whatever, you check in the notification for your I don't know, whatever, your fantasy scores. They five years ago, somebody would have been more offended by that than they are today. Yep. Like we don't even when somebody picks up their phone, whether we're talking about them or not, we don't it doesn't even register.

Devin 16:08

But like, for example, when we say put the phones down, I will literally be in mid-conversation with somebody, and I I do this to a perfectly good stranger. I don't care if I know you or not. If we're in the middle of a deep rooted conversation and you pick up your phone and you start texting, I will stop talking.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Oh, I do that too.

Devin 16:27

And there and then though, oh no, no, no, you can keep going. And I no, I'm gonna wait because I need your attention.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

I'll wait till you're done.

Devin 16:34

I'll wait till you're done. Yep. Clearly, because here's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Clearly, whatever on your phone right now is more important than what I have to say. Bingo.

Devin 16:43

That's exactly what you're saying. When you pick up the phone while some while you're having a conversation with somebody, is you're saying your words, your time, your actions, and your thoughts right now don't matter to me. What matters to me is what's on my phone. Now it's a different story if you and I are sitting here hanging out as buddies and Laura or Britney calls, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Then like that's a different story. Or you or if you just say, Hey, hold on, hold on a second. I gotta take this. Sorry, one second. Like just say something.

Devin 17:13

Yeah, I I will even even if I go check out, if and because normally if I'm on the phone, I have an AirPod in or something like that. Right, if I go to a checkout or I pull up to the drive-thru or whatever, I will tell the person I'm on the phone with, including my own daggum mother, hey, hang on one second. Yeah. Well, why did I have to hold on? Because I wasn't gonna be rude. Yeah, put your daggum phone down, man. If if she wants to have a conversation and your boys want to check to see if you want to get on Xbox, guess what, man? They can wait.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

Yeah. And here's how we can tie so what I was talking about here recently, I've seen a couple of conversations that someone checked their phone in the middle, in the middle of that I wasn't necessarily a part of. I was just kind of like on the edge of the conversation there. I've seen this two or th I think I've seen it three times lately. I can't remember when the third time was, but it seems like I anyway, it doesn't matter. What I did was I I was listening to these people talking. Person A is talking, person B checks their phone. I looked at the guy's face that was talking uh just to see what his facial reaction would be, because 90% of communication is nonverbal, non-verbal, right? If he's annoyed by that, he's gonna he's gonna whether he wants to or not show how annoyed he is by that person checking their phone. There was nothing, dude. Nothing. And it just blew my mind. Like Britney and I it's like it's like they didn't even it didn't even phase him. It didn't phase him because we we just when maybe not necessarily, but well, metaphorically speaking, like but but that's the that's the thing.

Devin 18:56

Brittany and I have the have the role of we have one of our our marriage bylaws is if we go out to eat. Bylaws. Yeah, we have bylaws. Oh, don't get me started. I've never heard anybody call on that. It makes sense. Don't get me started on bylaws, on marriage bylaws, they're absolutely vital and important. But one of our marriage bylaws is if we go out to dinner, only one of us takes our phone in. Yeah, you've mentioned that, I believe. So, and another one is that you know, if we're going to if we're having a conversation, even even today, like the other day, Brittany and I were having this conversation, and she was texting a friend of hers back, and I just stopped talking. I was mid-sentence and I just stopped talking. It took all of two milliseconds for her to go, I'm sorry, and put her phone down so that she could finish hearing out what we were saying. And then guess what? When the conversation was over, she picked her phone back up and was able to finish the text. Both both issues were solved, and good communication was issued and was done. So put your daggum phone down. James 119 says this. It's funny that this is the uh the verse, because this is what I read yesterday. Know this, my beloved brothers. Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become anger.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

So this ties back to the reason I picked this one, this ties back to responses, really. So we we touched on responses a few minutes ago. And so instead of listening to respond, you're listening to understand. You're that's not to say that your response doesn't matter, because obviously your response in clear communication does matter. You just need to listen to what the person is saying. Your response though is I feel like a lot of times,

No Text Wars: Choose The Right Medium

SPEAKER_02 20:55

as a man anyway, we don't really think about our response enough. And it's just the first thing that comes to mind, which many times, especially if it's a little bit of an heated conversation or an argument or something, it just comes off as anger. You know what I mean? Yeah. So if we don't actually think about our response, they actually need to listen to what they're saying, but you also need to think about your response. If something that someone says, excuse me, if something that someone says annoys you a little bit, pause. Just pause. You do not have to respond immediately. You ever seen Elon Musk have a conversation? Like think what you want about the guy. But you ever seen that you ever seen him have a conversation? Yes. There's a lot of really long pauses. I mean, that might have something to do with the fact that his IQ is like four million, but beside the point, he's thinking about his response. There's nothing wrong with that. Now, in in this setting, between me and you, my long pauses sometimes is sounds weird. A podcast, but in a normal conversation, it is completely normal to just pause because your body language is gonna communicate the fact that you're thinking about what that person just said. Does that make sense? That makes perfect sense. So and that's the that's the the slow to anger part of that. So quick to hear, slow to speak. So listen to understand, not to respond, and then if you need to pause, think about your response to that.

Devin 22:33

Yeah, you can't listen, a lot of times in conversations, people are deathly terrified for some reason of dead silence. And I I think that that's a very dangerous game to play when we just start spewing things. Well, our world's so noisy anyway that something being silent just doesn't feel right. Yeah, exactly. So I mean, dude, most of the time let me let me ask you this. When you drive, if you have let's just say a 20-30-minute drive, are you listening to something or is it dead silent?

SPEAKER_02 23:07

If it's 50-50 for me. See most of the time, most of the time I'm listening to a podcast. Sometimes it'll be something like that.

Devin 23:14

Are you listening to the Uncommon Man podcast? No.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

No, I don't listen to myself talk. No, I do, I do like the day it releases, I will check like Apple or Spotify and just make sure that it's there and it plays right. And I'll kind of skip through it and make sure there's nothing weird going on. But other than that, no, no, I don't listen to myself talk because like while I'm editing it, I listen to the whole thing. So sure, that makes sense. Anyway, but it's kind of 50-50. It depends on how I feel that day. Sometimes if I've got a lot on my mind, I will sometimes I'll try to distract myself with a podcast or music or something. Other times I'm just like, no, we're just gonna ride in silence today.

Devin 23:53

I ride in silence more oftentimes than I ride with music because I'm like you. If if it's a very long drive, like if I'm going to the beach or the mountains or something like that. Oh, 100%. I'll knock out like seven podcasts. Dude, yeah, I'll I'll bang out like easily six, seven episodes of a podcast. Or I'll if if my wife's with me, I'll put on a creed concert for her or something like that. Speaking of, this is a side story here, but I saw this video the other day and I sent it to my wife, and it was this this dad and daughter are riding in the truck together, and he's in there singing like I don't know, One Last Breath by Creed. And the daughter turns around and she goes, Daddy, who is this? And he goes, It's Creed, baby. It's Creed. And the daughter turns around and she goes, I don't like this. They stink. And then the video cameos to the daughter running behind the truck because the death turned out. My wife sees this and she goes, You would 100% do this to our daughters. And I was like, No question. No question. My daughter can run behind the truck. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

So, what was the point behind you asking if I listen?

Phones Down: Presence As Respect

Devin 25:10

Because because I mean, I I think to me, I I do ride in silence a lot. It is a place for me to be able to organize my thoughts. Like you said earlier, our world's noisy, and all I'm listening to is the sound of the tires on the road. That's I'm good. Like that doesn't bother me. But I've had some people that that's like, dude, that's psychopathic behavior. Like, why in the world do you who rides in silence? And I'm like, I'm sorry, you don't ever want to work.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

If that's psychopathic behavior, then sitting in your quote unquote prayer closet and praying and or meditating or whatever you want to call it is also psychopathic because it's the same thing. Exactly. Well, it's not, it there's less noise in your prayer closet, but exactly.

Devin 26:00

Anyway, and then why do why do you think body language, though, for men is so important? Well, it's not specifically important for men, it's important for everyone. Well, sure. But this is the Uncommon Man podcast. So that's why I'm saying like I don't think you can say it's more important for men. Oh my god, John Pierce. Just answer the daggum question. Well, body language What are you asking? Well, like, in other words, this when you're having a conversation with somebody, why is body language so important coming from a man's perspective? Specifically from a man's perspective? Yeah. Like, why do you feel like like if you and I are having a conversation, like we are now? Yeah. Why is it so important? Because it's 90% of communication. No, man, I disagree. I mean, no, I don't disagree. It is, it is 90%. I think it I think the reason it's most important is body language does not whisper, it screams. Okay. That's that's what I'm getting at. I was trying to get you to go to the next point. I would I would hate it.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

Well, that wasn't the next point. That's why I was confused. I did skip a reverse. So Ephesians 4 29 says, let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. So that goes back to what I was saying a minute ago about being slow to anchor, pause, think about what you're gonna say. If if something upsets you, there is zero reason to yell back at this person, whoever you're talking to. There typically, there is zero reason to raise your voice, say hurtful things, like it's not going to help the situation. Cussing out it's like did did your mom or your dad ever say when you're growing up, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. All the freaking dog. There's some truth to that. Yep. There's some truth to that. Now, sometimes you need to you you should speak up, but regardless, in a in in conversation, if you don't have anything constructive, like if you're just speaking to tear another person down, like no.

Devin 28:17

I won't engage with it to me. Like, like I'll have people every now and then that'll, you know, get ballsy behind the keyboard, right? And say whatever, and I'm just like, I'm not entertaining you. Like, you want me to come down there to you. I'm not, I'm just not gonna entertain that. Number one, if I don't know you, odds are I'm not gonna care what you think. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, if if you if I have no idea who you are, why in the world am I gonna give you that brain power right over me? So if I don't know you, like I to me, that's that's the thing, is that I'm like, you're not my wife, you're not my daughter. Daughters. So it doesn't it doesn't matter to me, but you're all you are right. Thank you for reading Ephesians. I am sorry that I I I missed.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

So back to what you were talking about and confused the living heck out of me. Yeah, sorry. Body language doesn't whisper its screams. Now it that kind of ties back to what we probably should have put that at the beginning of this. But night since 90% of communic communication is nonverbal, it is louder than whether we even realize it or not, because most of these body language cues we don't consciously think about. You pick up on them subconsciously.

Devin 29:38

It tells you everything. Body language will tell you everything you need to know about what the other person thinks about what you're saying. Exactly. Exactly. Because if if they're not if they're not actively engaged in paying attention. Right. Right. It's the same thing like if you're sitting in in a church service and you're sitting there scrolling your phone the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 30:01

Yeah, why are you why are you even why are you even there? I mean, I'm glad you're there. I mean, yes, but if you're not gonna pay attention, like what are you doing?

Devin 30:09

But the the thing about it is is our our phones are killing us. Like our and I don't mean to sound like the old man on the podcast or anything like that, but you're beating a dead horse. Sure, but I look all I'm saying, uh put your dag on phone deal. All right. Anywho, I I I put this note here, and I kind of want to close out with this. I put this note in here of thinking outside the box in communication. Right now, thinking outside the box is to me a glaring weakness. People just respond in anger, they respond in cursing, they respond in whatever. It and here's the thing, like I was in I was in Dallas a few weeks ago, and they had several keynote speakers that got up there, right? And we had one that got up there in front of 5,000 people, and a very, very famous, very influential person is on the show Shark Tank, and all this other gets up there,

Quick To Hear, Slow To Speak

Devin 31:20

and I mean, within God, 45 minutes that this person talked, I I've probably I bet there was a record number of F-bombs. Really? Yeah, and I'm sitting here thinking to myself, you're doing nothing but showing me how weak your vocabulary is. So if your vocabulary is that weak, why should I listen to you? Does that make sense? I mean, yeah. I just I I've never understood that. You people have to think outside the box. You want to make a difference in your communication, dial it back and kill the cursing. Let no foul talk, no corrupting talk come from your mouths, only for what is good and building up. Encouragement's free, people. We all have the ability to encourage and inspire other people. And the problem is, is we choose not to. The Bible says that your tongue has the power to speak life and death over people. The problem, you you want to know why our world is in the world is in the shape and condition it's in? Because people don't people don't spew encouragement anymore. Yeah, it's very true. It's you have to think outside the box in your communication methods because a lot of us, for the for right, wrong, or indifferent, a lot of us have boxed ourselves in in communication. We respond and react in the same way for things.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Yeah, sometimes you need to communicate a point or I don't know, whatever it is. Sometimes you need to communicate something and you're like, how do I effectively effectively communicate this? Like with videography or photography, one of the key things you're trying to communicate is a feeling. And that's not always an easy thing to do. So there's a lot of thought that goes into it to effectively communicate a feeling from the music behind a video to I don't know, how desaturated your photo is. Like a lot of that plays into communication. But even if it's just talking, sometimes you have to really think about how you want to communicate a certain idea, or even if it's a fact, sometimes you need to really think about how to communicate them.

Devin 33:44

Exactly. You have to get out of the box, you have to think outside the box and your communication methods with other people because here's the reality is the majority of us have boxed ourselves in in those conversations, and that box will eventually become a casket. You're not going to be able to effectively communicate when you don't think outside the box and outside of the realm of what is normal, what is common. And the simple fact of the matter is this for us to have effective communication in our lives, you have to think outside the box. You have to make the decision of I'm going to think before I speak. Now, I've said this before. You can control your first action. And you can control every single thought after that. So if if if my wife says something that that I don't like, or whatever, we can have that effective, like for us, the outside of the box communication has come from we don't allow for if if she says something that bothers me, or I say something that bothers her, you're gonna talk about it. You're gonna discuss it. Because the problem is this, especially for men, is we don't talk about it. And when we don't, it gets swept under the rug, and eventually that rug begins to look disheveled. That or you know what I'm saying? You sweep stuff under the rug and not if you're gonna trip over it. Exactly. And the problem is is when when we sweep stuff out, even if it's tiny, even if it's something small, discuss it. If it bothers you, if it's enough to bother you, discuss it with that person. Right? I think back to a conversation that I had with a friend of mine. He's one of my best friends in life today. And when we first met, he he would make several comments that just irked me one way or the other, right? And it was

Words That Build, Not Break

Devin 36:00

just things that I didn't necessarily like what he said, whether it be about the car I drove at the time or my house or my weight or whatever like that. By the way, three workouts this weekend. So and if you're out there and go, you should have done four, kiss mine. All right. I did three. But I remember I I pulled him aside and I said, Hey, listen, when you make comments like that, I don't appreciate it. He goes, dude, I had no idea. Like it was just my way of making lighthearted conversations and lighthearted jokes. I said, No, I I know you were joking. I know you meant nothing by it, but I didn't appreciate it. And I just felt like you needed to know. To this day, that guy is one of my best friends in this world. That friendship wouldn't have happened if I took it personal, and if I didn't communicate that it was bothering me. So you want to live an uncommon life? Communicate. Focus on your body language, communicate effectively. Communicate effectively, focus on your body language, eyes up, ears up when you're having conversations. Focus on the different methods that you can take to effectively communicate in whatever situation it is that you're in.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Yeah. And I'm we're not gonna go into different physical cues when you're having a conversation to communicate certain things, but there's a million videos, articles, whatever out there on body language. Like from it, we a lot of times we'll do this subconsciously ourselves is we'll if you're sitting across the table from someone and they lean in, you tend to lean in, you lean back, you tend to lean back when you mimic mirror their body language. Yeah, when you mimic their body language, it it even though you're not consciously doing it. I mean, maybe you are, I've consciously done it before, but after I read that, I was like, I'm gonna try this. One of the things that I do, sorry, go ahead. It also tells the other person that you're interested in what they're saying subconsciously. Like it's it's it's crazy how that works.

Devin 38:07

One of the things that I do is I'll actually I'll repeat back a lot of times what they say if I'm having a conversation, especially if it's a business conversation. I'll repeat back what they just said to me.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

But if you do that too much, personally, if you do somebody does that too much, like it just annoys me. I'm just like, yes, that's what I just said. You don't have to tell me what I just said. That sometimes it's fine, it's fine.

Devin 38:29

There's nothing wrong with doing that, and it is very effective, but like don't do it too much. I have a uh a leader in my business group that she's out of Boston, and so she talks with that Bostonian accent, and I absolutely love Bostonian, yeah. That's a term, sure. Anyways, she talks with that accent, and I'm like, I could literally listen to you talk all day. Dude, you ever been to Boston?

SPEAKER_02 38:54

No, I want to go. It's such a cool place. You wouldn't think it. Everybody's so nice. I really want to go. It blew my mind how people how nice people were. Let me tell you what happened in Boston. So I'm walking down the street. Just walking down the street. She's walking down the street, and there's this woman, like, I don't know, 50 yards up in front of me, drops a piece of paper. And my first reaction was like, she doesn't realize she dropped that. Let me like yell at her and be like, hey, and get her to stop and pick up a piece of paper for her, right? Before I could even think about it, some guy comes sprinting from behind me and grabs this piece of paper off the ground and chases her down. It was like, hey, you drop this. And I was like, I did not expect to see that today. And everybody I encountered, like going to get food or whatever, was just genuinely really nice. And they are fun to listen to.

Devin 39:45

So so I mean, if you're in Boston, like by all means, please, you know, if you want to help fund my trip to Boston, my desire to go to Boston, let me know. Anyway, so I have this business partner in in there, and she repeats back everything in every single conversation. Well, I heard you say that, and I'm like, I I know what I just said, I need you to respond to it. Yeah. But what she'll do is that's her, that's her method of thinking outside the box. And she makes sure whenever you have a conversation with her, everybody hears her. And she hears what that person is saying.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

Because if she repeats it back, then she says it wrong, then that person has the opportunity to correct.

Devin 40:27

They feel you will always feel heard when you leave a conversation with that person. So, which is great. That's that's ultimately that's her thinking outside the box. I think it's a great method, I think it's a great communication. So, John, put a bow on it. I

Think Outside The Box When You Speak

Devin 40:45

think we just did. Okay, cool. We're gonna pray us out. Let's pray. Father, we love you. God, thank you so much for your word. Thank you for this platform. God, may the words that we speak fall upon the ears that you would have to hear, to listen. God, would we seek to bring you honor and glory in our communication methods, in our body language? Because ultimately, our body language, as we know, God is very telling about who we are as a person. And I pray, Lord, that you help the men under the sound of my voice, the people listening to this podcast. God, enable them for effective communication and better body language in their lives, so that we can bring you all the honor and the glory in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.podcast at gmail.com. Keep pursuing excellence, and above all, pursue Christ.