12. A Practical Guide To Spiritual Leadership At Home

When life gets busy it is easy to drift and let spiritual leadership fall off. That quiet drift shapes your home. Church becomes optional, prayer becomes rare, and your kids notice more than you think.

This episode is a wake up call. Spiritual leadership is not control, it is responsibility. It is setting direction and leading by example so your family can actually see what faith looks like in real life.

Pray with your wife, pray with your kids, and get in the Word in a way that is visible. This is not about being perfect, it is about showing up consistently.

YouTube

Instagram

Facebook

Transcript

Coffee Talk And Cold Open

Jon 0:09

Hit it, big guy.

Devin 0:12

Welcome to the Uncommon Man podcast. We are your host. My name is Devin Jeffries, alongside a very, very good friend of mine. Some would say the manly men of all men, Mr. John Pierce. Who would say that? I would. And I'm some. Okay. So there you go.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

How are you doing today, bud? Manly, apparently. Fighting bears, you know. You and the bears.

Devin 0:38

I don't I've put so I've put way too much thought into that. Entirely. All right. Anyways, we are here with our delicious cup of coffee, which I'm happy to report to everybody. John did not mess up this week. So thank you very much for that.

Jon 0:52

You drank all yours. Yeah. I drank mine while we were sitting here talking about this.

Devin 0:56

Well, that's unfortunate. It is a little bit. It is. And you should also know that I messaged not one but two different Christian coffee companies. Um Christian Coffee Company. You want to know my favorite one that I found? Kingdom Beans. No joke. Oh, there is a Christian coffee company out there called Kingdom Beans. That is okay.

Jon 1:24

What makes them like do they put a scripture on the bag? Like what Sure.

Devin 1:29

I don't know. For all I know, they go to Walmart, get a cup of beans, or get a get a bag of beans, and then put it in their own bag and then upcharge it. I don't know. But anyways, I messaged them, both of them, and I'm very, very sad to report that neither one of them read it and neither one of them responded. You probably get like a million DMs a day. I mean, that's fair, but this is the Uncommon Man podcast. What was the other one? I don't remember, to be honest. I I really don't. I could look it up, but I I don't remember that. Kingdom Beans is funny, though. That's a that's a great name. I it really is. I really just wanted to see if we could get some type of a partnership with a coffee company because I'm a little bit of a coffee junkie, as has well been established on the show. Anyways, seven today. That's a problem, probably. It might be a problem. Anyways, I'm also here very, very happy to announce some big news that came for you.

Engagement News And Proposal Story

Devin 2:33

Well, I'm not gonna announce it, you're gonna announce it. Some big news that came for your life, Mr. Pierce. What happened? Are we talking about I am officially engaged? Yes, he is.

unknown 2:45

Woohoo!

Devin 2:47

Can we do like a like a round of applause sound effect on that? No. Please do. Wait, hold on.

Jon 2:55

Oh, that's the wrong button. You're still going. It's still going.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

John Pierce is engaged!

Jon 3:03

Alright, I guess that works. One of those is a round of applause, I think.

Devin 3:06

I should probably figure that out later. First off, did you have it planned out what you were gonna say and then say something completely different? No. You said exactly what you wanted to say. Yeah. And you're a lot better than I am. Because I sure as heck didn't. What did you say? What was I mean? Men don't care about the context, but will you marry me? You just said what that's it.

Jon 3:33

You literally just no, I think I said, I think I said, Will you be my wife? Something like that.

Devin 3:38

Oh my god. Yeah, that's pretty much it. And she said yes. Yeah. Like no massive romantic gesture, no nothing. Like just all of a sudden, hey, you know what? That sky's blue. Hey, will you marry me? Will you be my wife? I'm not a very romantic person.

Jon 3:54

Golly, I'm praying for Laura. Anyways. Not to mention her abil her gift of discernment is pretty incredible. So she realized it like 10 minutes before. So there was no surprising or anyway.

Devin 4:09

That's true. Britney's is the exact same, by the way. The only difference between or with with that was Britney actually thought I was going to propose the night before that I actually did. So I'm pretty sure she was ticked at me for those 24 hours. But anyways, I also found it funny that you sent me the message, the picture message of you and her with the ring and that y'all were engaged. And I'm sitting in Bridgetone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee, getting ready to watch the SEC basketball tournament. And I mean the game is fixing to tip off. And all of a sudden my phone goes off, and I'm like, who in God's name is messaging me right now? There is basketball on. And I open up my phone, and then there it is with you and Lauren and the rock and all this other stuff. And I'm and I'm just sitting here going, well, it's about time. The rock? Yeah, like the ring. Like the rock. The rock diamond.

Jon 5:02

I don't think there was a rock in the okay, I understand. God. I was thinking, I was like, there's a lake, not a rock. Anyway, sorry. Y'all help me with him.

Devin 5:11

Oh my gosh. You give me a headache. Anyways. And so so you send me the you send me this picture, and I'm like, oh, finally. And then a few hours later, I get back to my room and I turn and I get on Facebook real quick, and all I see is Laura's post of the same pictures and the exact same word. Finally. And I'm like, yeah, John finally got off the pot. Finally. Good job. So congratulations, buddy. We're all super happy for you. Thanks. You sound thrilled. I am. I am thrilled. You should be. She's a good woman. She is. She's gonna keep your button on, hopefully. Somebody needs to. Somebody's got

Why Men Must Lead Spiritually

Devin 5:52

to. Anyway, so in today's episode, one of the things that we wanted to talk about, and this is something that's really kind of sat, I think, on the spiritual burner, if you will, for a while. And it's been something that I think we've both needed to bring up and to talk about because I think it is something that every single man at some point in time in his life will struggle with. And what we're talking about here is spiritually leading your family.

Jon 6:21

Yeah, more, it's a little more in-depth, uh, what we talked about in episode two, I believe it was, we were talking about self-leadership. And you have to be able to lead yourself before you can lead your family. And we're gonna dive into leading your family a little bit here, but specifically spiritually leading your family.

Devin 6:44

Here's the part that gets me is the majority of men are more okay with their woman leading them spiritually in the family than they are in any other area.

Jon 6:57

Yeah, if you talk to a lot of so my my dad, for instance, his mom took him to church. His dad didn't go. I think my dad's a little bit of the we'll get to some statistics here in a minute, but my dad's a pastor. Statistically speaking, he wouldn't be in church at all. Because when a father No, there's two different statistics here. When a father attends church regularly, sixty to seventy-five percent of families follow. And then the other side of that is there's a ninety-three percent possi probability that when the husband comes to Christ first that the rest of the family will follow.

Devin 7:47

Wow. So is essentially then, men, it is your responsibility.

Jon 7:53

And and the Bible's clear about this. It's and that that 93% is in direct uh contrast to if a w the the mother, the wife, what have you, comes to Christ first, only 17% of the time the family follows.

Devin 8:12

And and that lines up direct directly with scripture. Because scripture talks about how the man is the spiritual leader of the family. And it but what I was saying is with with regards to the fact that more men are okay with women leading spiritually, the fact of the matter is that's the exact opposite of what the Bible tells us to do. And here's the thing, man, I understand that like this is going to be hard for a lot of a lot of our listeners to hear because I think the majority of men would say that there have been seasons, if not they're currently in, hopefully not, but that there have been seasons where they have not necessarily led their family in the spiritual direction. Notice the probability difference here. Okay. 93% if if the husband or the man comes to faith first, 93% of the time the family's gonna follow. Whereas if the wife comes first to Christ, joins the family, joins only 17% of the time.

Jon 9:16

Yeah, those statistics go right along with every every man's favorite verse. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and himself, its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so here's everybody's favorite part. So also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now, we all know if we've heard that before, if you've ever heard it preached on, that does not mean you get to tell your wife what to do, 100% of the It does not mean that she's that she's below you.

Devin 9:46

No. What it means, if you if you look up the actual what what what verse is that so hard was I'm sorry, Ephesians 5.23. Okay. So if you go do a deep dive on Ephesians 5.23, and you will you will discover that the original context word there for that term submit literally means to come alongside. It is your responsibility, like it or not, men. This is the Uncommon Man podcast. So I'm hoping that you're listening to this because you want to be different than the average man out there. The average man out there is fine with their woman leading the house spiritually, they're fine with that

What The Stats Say About Dad

Devin 10:24

more than any other area. And the fact of the matter is that is the exact opposite of what the Bible tells us to do. It is your responsibility to lead them. Check this one out. If a father does not attend church, only 2% of children will become regular worshipers. In other words, only 2% of children will actually go to church on a regular basis, and 37% will attend irregularly.

Jon 10:51

Yeah, and like I said, I think my dad was probably part of that 2%. He would probably tell you the same thing. I think my Paw Paul kind of came to Christ, you know, later in life. I was too young to really know. I I couldn't tell you, but regardless, it's uh he had he had seven. Sorry, there were seven of them. He had six brothers. Jesus. And I don't I might be wrong. I might be a little off, but I'm pretty sure half of them um didn't go to church.

Devin 11:27

But see, but see, notice the notice how the statistic changes. If both parents attend, 72% of children will remain faithful. The Bible literally says train a child in the way they should go. When they're older, they will not depart from it. Notice I never said they won't veer off. Notice I never said they won't step off that path for a little for a season, right? Something I'm not looking forward to. Yeah, everybody's young and dumb at some point in time. Everybody's can be bulletproof. My parents didn't enjoy watching me veer off for there for a while. But when they're older, they will not it's it's do you do you trust the Lord with your children? That's the biggest question. My my daughter right now, I have a three-year-old and a three-month old. I'm right now praying for their spouses. I'm praying that whoever is raising them is raising them in a godly household. I'm praying that whoever is raising them is knowing what it means to treat a woman and how it means to treat a woman. 72% of both parents attend, but if only the father attends, that number drops to 55% of the children will remain faithful. And if only the mother attends, get ready for this, that drops to 15%. Which is insane. Men, it's your job. You want your kids to become biblically grant biblically and spiritually grounded individuals. You have to be the one that is leading them. It's a biblical commandment from the Lord. And the reality is the majority of men, I think, simply it's this. They don't know how. And what's become what's happened is they've become lazy and they've become spiritually lazy. And it's, well, I had a really, really long hard week at work. So I'm gonna rest and drink up on Saturday and then Sunday. Well, now I need to recover from Saturday. I'm gonna go fishing or play golf. Exactly. Listen, I'm gonna watch football. And here's the thing: I play golf. There's nothing wrong with those things. I no, there's not, but I mean, like I I got invited a couple of weeks ago to play, and I was like, when's the tea time? They said 11 a.m. I said, I can't, I'm gonna be in church. Right. Why? Because it's it's important to me and my family, it's important that when my daughters are older, that they're going to church, that they're biblically and spiritually grounded, because then they become who God created them to be.

Jon 13:55

And I I would like to point out, I know not everybody listening to this is married. Like I'm not married for crying out loud. But if if you want your future family to grow up in a you want your kids to grow up in a Christian home, if you want to, when you do get married one day, lead your family spiritually, what you do is you start now. You start now just being and leading yourself spiritually. If you can do that, then if you're chasing Christ, then you're gonna find somebody that's doing the same thing right alongside of you eventually.

Devin 14:41

That's right. And and I think I think one of the things there, if you're if you are single and you're listening to this, you need to know this. Christian women are looking, are looking for that because that makes you a rarity. Now, I'm not saying come to Christ so that a so that a woman will find you. Well, you need to come to Christ because Right.

Jon 14:59

The Bible talks about being equally yoked. Right. Like if you if you're not trying to find, I don't know, if you're not trying to marry a prostitute, right, but you want to go to extremes.

Devin 15:10

Right. But what I'm getting at is that Christian women are looking for a Christian man, right? Not a boy, a man. They're looking for a Christian man, somebody who who will not only just give them children, but then also actually raise them in and around the church. That's what they're looking

Start With Prayer At Home

Devin 15:32

for. So how do you do it? How do how do we how do we then say we we say, okay, I recognize that I need to be better at leading my family spiritually? How do I do that? I think the very first thing is this you have to pray with them and you have to pray for them.

Jon 15:49

Right. In no in no particular order here, but right, first thing is to pray. And that is how many times a week do we go to church? Once. How many times a week can we pray? Every day. Every day, at least once. One thing I do when I take my kids to the bus stop, it's like a 25-30 minute drive. We pray every morning, eventually, after enough time. There's one morning I've got like a million things on my mind. And Drew's in the back, so he's like, Hey dad, we didn't pray yet. Like, oh yep, got it. That's because I've led them spiritually, and they know we need to pray. That's right.

Devin 16:33

And I think it's also important to know this, man. And I really want you to hear me whenever I say this. Your wife or your future wife is literally craving. They're desperate for their man to lead them spiritually. And we are not just making that up. No, no, we're not. We so my wife and your fiance both attend the same small group. And my wife was telling me that I think there's like 12, 10 or 12 women in that small group, and they said that I think it was like three-quarters of them said that, yeah, no, I we I make sure that my family gets to church, and we're, you know, like the wife is the spiritual leader of the household. And internally, I just wanted to I don't know, smack some sense into the husbands and be like, like, what are you doing?

Jon 17:35

The fact is, God made men and women very different intentionally. There are certain things that are a man's responsibility. There are certain things that are a man's we'll say burden to carry, if you will. Not that leading your spirit your family spiritually should be a burden, but no, it's a certain thing.

Devin 17:53

It's your job to take up the mantle.

Jon 17:55

Right, right. That's a good word. But they were we were created differently on purpose. That's why the statistics that we just read are so lopsided. Yeah. Because if the woman's doing it, it doesn't work as well. And and by the way, that's not to say if you're a woman out there listening to this and your husband is not leading your family spiritually, for the love of God, do not give up. Do not give up, do the best you can. However, it's not your responsibility. That's why those statistics are so lopsided.

Devin 18:30

That's right. And and and I think one of the biggest things here is most men will say, Well, yeah, but my wife, like, I mean, we go when we can. It's not that important. Bull. Go ask her. I guarantee you, I I challenge you personally. Go ask her. Go ask her. What baby, if if if I were to say, hey, we're gonna go to church, would you support that? They're gonna say yes. The majority, and if they're not, then they they have a then a hole and a gap in their relationship with them.

Jon 18:58

In which case, you, even if she doesn't want to go, you go anyway. If you have kids, take your kids. All you be well, we'll get to that in a second. Be an example.

Devin 19:09

Yeah. And and understand this. So, so like I said, your wife is literally craving it. They're they're craving, they're desperate for it. My daughter, for example, she's three, she can barely form sentences yet. And my daughter knows whenever we say, okay, get in bed, she'll get in bed, she'll grab her favorite stuffed animal for the night. She's got like 15 of them, but she'll grab her favorite one for the night, she'll hug it, she'll bring it in for prayer, and she'll go, pray, pray, daddy. We gotta pray. Because at the age of three, my daughter knows before we eat and before we go to sleep, we pray. That's what we're going to do.

Jon 19:44

Just interject really, real quick. The sentences that your daughter does for him are freaking adorable. Like, oh my gosh, that is the most adorable little okay, anyways.

Devin 19:54

And my and honest to God, my prayer for for this podcast has been that one day when my daughter listens to this, that she goes, Yep, no, my daddy backed all that up. No, yep, you know what? That's the kind of man that I want. I want an uncommon man. That's my prayer for my little girls.

Jon 20:11

Yeah, if you got a daughter, be teach them what they should look for in a man by being that.

Devin 20:21

Yeah, I remember whenever my when we found out my first child was gonna be a little girl when the aerial was coming. I I I remember telling a very good friend of mine from college, I was like, dude, get your bail money because I'm going to jail in like 10 or 12 years because I'm gonna absolutely I'm not above throat punching a 12-year-old boy who hurts my little girl. And he turned around and he goes, he he he gave me some of the greatest advice. He said, No, you're not. And I and I was like, You don't understand, dude. And he goes, No, here's what I understand. You're gonna raise and lead and equip those little girls so that no man will ever match the standard of which you've set, and that the man that does will be a very good man for him.

Jon 21:03

Yeah, I mean, we're getting a little off topic here. We are a little but anyways, so pray for pray for them and pray. Hold on, I was gonna add to our off-topic conversation real quick. You know how they say that women tend to date slash marry their dad? Like someone that's very similar to their dad. It's it's true. So if your daughter is gonna marry the younger version of you in the future with longer hair or something, maybe you should uh be the standard that you would like for her to and understand this, and and that kind of that's actually a really good segue into the the first kind of bullet point under this.

Devin 21:46

Understand this, guys. The standards have been set, it's your job to follow it. Jesus said the standard for what that is supposed to be like. And you can say, and I and I can hear it now from some people well, Jesus was never married, really, because the Bible says that we are the birth. Yeah, and we are in communion with him.

Jon 22:04

And we're talking about prayer here. Part of leading your family, and this is gonna bleed into being an example that we'll get to in a second, which I've already said we'll get to in a second. We're talking about prayer here. Jesus, what did he do? He prayed. On a regular basis by himself. Yep. So, yes, pray with your family, pray for your family, but also have there there should be no question when you when if you need to if you have small kids, maybe do it before they wake up because they're probably not gonna leave you alone. But if you need time as a verified father of two little girls, they're not gonna leave you alone. Right. But there should be no question, hey, I'm gonna go read my Bible and pray. There should be no question that you need that time alone. And if you continue to do that, what are they gonna do?

Devin 23:00

They're gonna follow in your footsteps. That's right. I wake up at 6 30 every single morning now. I'm up for for 45 minutes to an hour before the rest of my family is, and that generally at least half of that time is spent between me and the Lord. Right. So but it understand this, man. Like I said, the standard's been set. Your job is to is to follow it. And you can say, well, it it's uncomfortable. Guess what? It should be uncomfortable. If it's something that you've never done and you're injecting something new into the family, it's going to be weird. It's going to be uncomfortable. Over time, over time. It gets it gets better. Now it's it's it's it's easy as can be for me to go pray with my little girl. It's a big right. Or but or with your wife, I assume. Like it's a foregone conclusion that we're gonna do that. Yeah, but I have I have had conversations with men who have gone and said, no, that's that's incredibly hard for me to do, is to, is to pray with my children. And to me, I just simply say that's fine. It's that's understandable. It should be weird. You know why? Because you're finally stepping up and stepping into the role that even they need, even your kids need. Your wife needs it. Should be weird when you go to your wife and you say, Hey, we're gonna pray.

Jon 24:20

It should be it should feel like if it's something you haven't done before. That right I'm not clarify that. So uh I will continue to feel weird.

Devin 24:31

It will not. You have to continue to give that uh time. You have to give that practice. It's it's kind of like the the very first time which I I don't I don't know. The the first thing I can think of is throwing a ball. Throwing a ball feels uh for in the beginning, it it can feel weird, it can it can seem weird, but as you grow older and as you do it repetitiously, is that a word? It is now, it is now as you do it repetitiously, that's not a word, but as you do it more and more, then what's going to happen is eventually it becomes something that is standard, something that is easy, something that is going to happen one way or the other. You're going to pray.

Jon 25:21

Google says it's a word repetitiously, it's a word to do something in a manner characterized by unnecessary, tiresome, or boring repetition. Hot dang. I used a big kid. Let's take let's take boring out of there, but big kid now.

Devin 25:37

All right. So, anyways, you are a big kid. I really am, but it anyways, uh then the next one.

Church Habits And Being The Example

Devin 25:46

Because I because I want you to talk about being the example, okay? We already did it. Well, yeah, you have because you just give away the whole daggum episode. Well, it's understand this, guys. God did not create the woman to be the spiritual leader of the home. Right. We already I think we I think we did. I mean, we did, we did, but I just want to say, like, that's not the way that she's wired. It's it's the equivalent of trying to to put a USB drive in a USB-C. Like, it's not, that's not what it's for. It's not designed, it's not going to fit, it's not going to work. The reality of the situation is this, and we saw that in the in these statistics earlier. The reality of the situation is this it is your responsibility as the man to be the spiritual leader of your home. Period.

Jon 26:34

And another way that we can do that is to be an example in some ways, which we've already talked about. Yep. Your wife's if your wife doesn't want to so let me let me say this. There's a huge, huge population of people out there that say I can have a relationship with God without going to church.

Devin 26:56

And they're wrong.

Jon 26:58

Well, to some yes, I'll agree with you. Generally speaking, they're wrong. To some extent, yeah. Sure. But let me let me ask you this. If you pray for something, I need help with, I don't know, whatever. And then you're like, God, I didn't why didn't you help me? Like, I sent you 15 people. Or, hey, there were people there and you chose to not be around them.

Devin 27:22

You chose to not listen. Yeah. So be that example. And understand this mistakes are going. Hang on, I wasn't done yet. Oh my God. Jesus.

Jon 27:32

The point is to be around other people that also love the Lord. That's the point of going to church. The community aspect is well, I won't say the point, it's part of the point of going to church. I'll I'll it is it is it is of the utmost importance.

Devin 27:52

Yeah. And I'll go ahead and add this. I mean, like, like I said, you have to evaluate how important is it to you. How important is it to you that your family is biblically and spiritually grounded. If it's not all that important, you're not going to go to church. You're not going to raise your child your children in the light of uh of scripture. You're not going to raise your children. You're not going to do what the Bible has commanded you to do, point blank in the period. If it's not important to you. So it's like it's got to be a priority list, priority list. God, wife, kids. That's right. My daughter understands a hundred percent in our household, even at the age of three, she understands she's second. Like whenever I walk in the door, mama gets the first kiss. Period. She don't even, and there have been times where I'm like, eh, and I put my hand in her face and I'm like, and I go over there and I'll go go give mommy a kiss first. Right. So, but understand this when you're being the example, nobody is expecting you to be perfect. No.

Jon 28:52

Like you're mistakes are gonna get made. Right. Mistakes are gonna get made. That doesn't now we're not saying here, oh, it's it's fine. I made a mistake. Okay, okay, yes, it's fine. But at the same time, you have to stop it, evaluate whatever that mistake was and learn from it. You can't just be like, oh, I made a mistake. All right, moving on with life. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. You really, if you made a mistake of whatever, whatever it might be, maybe you just flew off the handle about something. We'll talk about that in a second. But if you made a mistake, own up to it. If your kids or your wife saw you do it, go apologize to them immediately. Hey, baby, I'm sorry. Go go to your daughter and I did not said that. That was wrong. Yeah. What I just showed you was an example. Like you're gonna be an example to your family no matter what.

Devin 29:39

Yeah.

Jon 29:40

It's whether you're a good example or a bad example. That's right. But if you do something that is a bad example, go tell them, hey, that's not what you're supposed to do. That's not how you're supposed to behave.

Devin 29:50

And because here's the thing, when mistakes get made, like you said, evaluate where where things went wrong and what you can do to be better. But also understand this when a mistake gets made or you behave in a way that you shouldn't, or you say something that you shouldn't, it's not the mistake that needs to be punished. It's the behavior. Right. Okay. And it's also how you respond to that mistake that ultimately will define that situation. So it's how you respond to that, to that situation or to that mistake that was made that's ultimately going to define it. God does not expect perfection. That's not anywhere in scripture. No. So you're not expected to be perfect. What you are expected to do is to own up to the stuff and the things that you do get wrong on a daily basis. And like you, like I said, if you say or you do something that you shouldn't do, make it right. Go make it right with your with your spouse or your children. And then to me, to kind of set the be the example, you you've got to set goals for yourself.

Goals And Emotional Control

Devin 30:58

If you don't set goals for yourself, and you have to reevaluate them. If you don't set goals for yourself, you know what you are, you're on autopilot. And when you're on autopilot, absolutely nothing gets accomplished. In context here, what kind of goals are we talking about? So we're talking about spiritual goals. So if it's a spiritual goal for yourself to be able to say, Well, I want to pray with my wife. Okay, then set the spiritual goal. On X day, we're going to pray. And then make it twice a week, and then make it three times a week, and then make it every day. If it's to pray with your children, if it's because here's the thing, your children bring very, very real problems to you. They may, it may, me, may be just a simple glass of milk that got spilled, or somebody said something about the bow in their hair. But it's to them, that's the end. To them, it's a massive deal. Like they haven't lived the same life that you have. Somebody said something mean to me, Daddy. Okay. Listen, after I get through the emotion of wanting to rip their face off, pray with them. Hey, baby, why don't why don't we pray for that person? What if we did that? What kind of example could you set them for your children? So create spiritual goals for yourself. Maybe you don't, you don't, you don't read your Bible like you should. Okay. So practice to pick it up outside of a Sunday.

unknown 32:21

I know.

Devin 32:22

Shocker. How dare we ever pick up our Bibles and we dust them off every Saturday night or every Sunday morning before we get ready to go to church? What could happen? Are you kidding? Nobody takes their Bible to church anymore. It's on your phone. Well, yeah, yeah. No, I know. But anyways, I'm still of the belief, like, like I have my my actual Bible or Bible, as I called it as a kid. I have my actual bibble with me. But I all I'm all I'm simply saying is that when we create goals for ourselves, we then set the expectation and the standard to then be raised within our own families. And as we found in those statistics earlier, the families will follow.

Jon 33:07

Right. And then here's touched on this a minute ago, and it goes along with being an example. I think one thing that most men will struggle with as far as actually setting a good example of is being level-headed. We tend to let our anger men more than more than women, generally speaking. I'm not throwing out blanket statements here. Generally speaking, men more than women tend to fly off the handle a little bit quicker. Yeah, don't say. There's a reason the Bible says multiple times in so many words, be slow to anger. As a matter of fact, James 119 says specifically be slow to anger. And there's I'm not gonna read all the verses. There's plenty of them that say, hey dude, calm down. Be a little more level-headed. You start getting it whatever your situation, whatever you need to be, whatever you need to do to control your emotions. Like that's that can be specific for people, but ask the Lord to help you with that too. And he will. Probably by sending people to help you with it. So you need to listen and pay attention. And we're gonna talk about listening to the Lord at some point here in the very near future. I don't know if that'll be next week or not. Maybe it will be. But anyway, control your emotions. You you can't control other people, you can't control if somebody cuts you off on the interstate, you can't control if they cut you off and then blame you for it and then flip you off or whatever. You can control how you respond to it.

Devin 34:41

Yeah.

Jon 34:41

If you sit in that car and your kids or your wife are in that or in that seat, you're now becoming a bad example if you try if you choose to have road rage.

Devin 34:54

The thing that gets me is when when parents curse in front of their children and then get mad whenever their kids repeat it.

Jon 35:01

My gosh, I can't even though those are adult words. You can't say I want to slap people. It's just a weak standard. I mean I mean, here I here I am saying control your emotions, and then I say I want to slap people, but Yeah. You need to control your emotions, Mr. Pierce. I'm not gonna slap, I'm just saying I want to. I am controlling my emotions, my actions, both anyways.

Devin 35:26

Simply put, you cannot like like you said, you can't control other people, you can control how you respond to them. And I I think back to again, as you guys know, like we share a lot about our families on this.

A Dad Learns To Respond Calmly

Devin 35:38

But my my daughter, Ariel, she she if she's like playing and she's got her juice and she's got a snack and she's up and doing three-year-old things, every now and then she'll get choked and she'll puke all over the place. And I remember the very first time it ever happened, like I flew off the handle, like I just got so mad. Not because she had puked, but because she didn't listen whenever I said, Hey, sit down. Hey, you don't need to do this. And I remember I I was just livid. And I remember I yelled so loud that it made her cry. And that ripped my heart into pieces. And I never even my wife was like, You need to calm down, you need to chill. It's okay, it's going to be. She got sick, but for some reason that day, I think it was just probably a buildup of a lot of things, right? It's never just the thing that makes you fly into a real time. It's the buildup of things throughout the day. And now when that happened, that happened as recently as a few nights ago. But now when that happens, to me, I go, I go to my little girl and I go, Oh no, did we get sick? Like I I I changed my complete approach to it. Now my daughter's not wondering, Am I in trouble because of something I could if they're if they're upset about something, their immediately their reaction is to make it a big deal because in their mind it's a huge deal.

Jon 37:13

Like the world is ending. If dad or mom, but if dad walks up to them and is like, hey, it's it's fine, it's not a big deal. Like you fell and skinned your name. And then it's gonna be it's gonna be okay. They will learn that they don't have to respond that way.

Devin 37:35

And then what happened was now my daughter, like when it happened the other night, she went, uh-oh. And she wasn't in fear of it. Right. You know, look, we we all to to put a bow on on this, we all have things that we go throughout our day, right?

Challenge Prayer And Next Steps

Devin 37:56

We all have deadlines to meet, we all are busy, we all have a hundred text messages a day to respond to, we all have responsibilities, we have to make sure that the bills are paid. We get all that. And John and I are not sitting here saying that when we go through our lives, that we don't make the mistakes, that we don't fly off the handles, that we have always been perfect in spiritually leading our spouses. I will be the first to say that there have been seasons where I've been awful at it. There's been seasons in where, you know, I've uh my wife led 80% of the way and I led 20% because I was on autopilot. I think the problem is this a lot of men were asleep at the wheel. And we're letting the car drive itself. You just let life happen to you. And you let life happen to you instead of creating the memories, instead of raising the children to be biblically and spiritually grounded. And then what happens is we wonder why the car wrecked. We wonder why the family wrecked. Because you didn't drive it. You didn't drive. You got put on autopilot and you just let it be. And I think for us, what John and I are simply saying, like we said, we're not perfect. There's been seasons where we've messed that up. But what John and I are saying is as we seek to grow better spiritually and to be better spiritual leaders for our family, I promise you, you will see that family then begin to take off on a trajectory like you've never seen before. I challenge you this. Pray with your children, pray with your spouse, and watch as your family and as your wife, your marriage, and your relationship with all of those around you. When you become the spiritual leader, watch the incredible things that God is going to do for your family. Let's pray. Father, we love you. God, thank you so much for this platform. God, our prayer is that the men listening to this would seek to become better spiritual leaders. Lord, that you, it's nothing that John and I have said, but God, it's it's been your words. And I just pray for these men that are listening to this, that you encourage them, Lord, that you empower them, and that ultimately you help them to lead their families into unique ways, and or in unique ways, into very new and real heights. God, that we would not be asleep at the wheel, but that we would be ready, charging forward for the advancement of your kingdom to make heaven a more crowded place. God, we thank you. We love you. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Jon 40:34

Amen. I'm gonna go find a bear. Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.podcast at gmail.com. Keep pursuing excellence and above all, pursue Christ.