19. Anxiety And The Peace That Doesn't Make Any Sense

Most men are walking around anxious every single day and have no idea what to do with it. The difference between stress and anxiety, why God's grace covers even this, and three practical ways to start managing it today. Philippians 4:6-7 doesn't say don't be anxious and leave it at that. There's a reason the peace that follows doesn't make any sense.

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Transcript

Vacation Wins And Real Stress

Devin 0:10

Welcome to the Uncommon Man podcast. We are your host. My name is Devin Jeffries, alongside a very good friend of mine, Mr. John Pierce. How are you today?

Jon 0:19

I am great. How are you, Devin? Dude, I'm stressed.

Devin 0:24

I know, like Yeah, I feel that. Well, I mean, but for those that don't know, like uh I just came off of a vacation, uh, a golfing trip and vacation with some members of my family. And I tell John uh yesterday over a phone call that I'm that I'm stressed out. And he was like, You just got back from playing golf at the beach. How stressed can you possibly be? And I mean, the trip itself was nice. There was no like uh I did a lot of people watching, but there was like no um, I don't know, weird, funny things that happened. The only thing I can say of relevance was I won the golfing tournament between me, my brothers, and my dad. So in theory, right now, I'm the best golfer in my family. Congratulations. I don't know what that's about to eat. I can get you a cookie. I would settle for a coffee sponsorship.

Jon 1:28

Speaking of, it's hot. It is hot, and it's uh 7 30 at night right now, and I've already had way too much coffee for one day. So this is a water.

Devin 1:39

This is a water and uh far away type episode.

Jon 1:43

Not that it's gonna be watered down, but oh it is definitely a oh he brought out the dad joke.

Devin 1:51

No. Um the uncommon man may be hiring next for another. Don't slurp in that microphone. You're the one that just brought out the watered down joke. I didn't slurp in that microphone. I will make it uncomfortable, anyways. Um No man, I but I but look in all seriousness, I'm doing good. I'm I'm glad. Yeah.

Why Talk About Anxiety Now

Jon 2:18

So this episode is not necessarily a part two to last week, but it's sort of a continuation because what we started off talking about was uh the mental battles and uh inner emotions, the the the fight between your ears, I think, is as you've put it before. Yeah. And last week we talked about anger and which we which we we all we almost went into anxiety last week and just decided to cut it and do uh anxiety.

Devin 2:54

Yeah, we so you dove uh in. By the way, if you haven't listened, go back one week. Uh John kind of opened up a little bit about his uh his personal side and his life uh dealing with some anger issues in the past and uh kind of ways that he he navigated and worked around that. Um was very proud of you for that. Uh encouraged me and inspired me that um I'm gonna open up about one of mine in this episode. Uh, and that's gonna be dealing with the aspect of anxiety. And I think if you were to ask the majority of men out there, do they deal with anxiety? On some form, nearly every single man, just about, would say your average dude, okay? Not the David Goggins of the world, I'm sure you know they're good. All right, but your average dude, I would venture to say, deals with some form, whether it's mild, aggressive, whatever type of anxiety. Would you agree with that?

Jon 3:58

Yeah, to some extent. Like I've dealt with anxiety plenty, but not on the same level that some other people have.

Devin 4:05

It's not I don't it's chronic the right word. Chronic can be, but I I think you also have to differentiate what is the difference between stress and anxiety. Oh, absolutely. Because there is a little bit of a difference. Do you have a point to make

Stress Vs Anxiety And Why It Matters

Devin 4:20

on that? On what you or how you would say is the difference?

Jon 4:24

Well, I mean, anxieties uh it's kind of in line with worrying. It's anxiety over a thing, and you're thinking about it over and over and over, and you're just driving yourself nuts about this one, whatever the thing is that you have anxiety about. Stress on to some degree is a can be a good thing. Like it's it's naturally it's naturally it's it's a natural response in some situations. Extreme example, you're on a battlefield, some degree of stress warranted, like necessary, yes, sure. Right? Yeah. Some degree of some degree of stress, um, and and I don't mean stressing over your finances, but I mean some degree of paying attention to it enough that you would be stressed if you got into a certain situation. Maybe I'm saying maybe I'm not saying that right.

Devin 5:23

No, I I think you're I think you've got a pretty good handle that direction. What I'm what I'm saying as far as the difference between stress and anxiety, because like you said, stress on the battlefield, uh that can propel you into survival, right? Uh if if you're stressed. But being stressed in your everyday world, your everyday life, um, I think where the biggest difference between stress and anxiety is simply um one dominates and the other just lingers. Like it's it stays around. Um You're saying anxiety stays around? Yeah, anxiety just kind of stays around. Most men in a for the you know 16, 17, 18 hours uh a day that they're awake would say at some point in time that they're stressed.

Jon 6:17

Yeah.

Devin 6:18

Right. Oh yeah. Or that they're anxious or they're worried about something or whatever.

Jon 6:23

Yeah, at work, like normal daily fires you try to put out, it's it there's some stress involved with that. Yes. But personally, when I'm when I'm sh when there's stress about things like that, something that I can set down when I get home, I don't have to think about it all night long.

Devin 6:42

Right. But I've focused better. But anxiety is typically something that does keep you awake. Correct. Uh late into the in into the evening. Anxiety is something that I think for the majority of men out there, they would just say they don't simply know how to deal with it. And so what happens is they turn to other alternatives, right? Um, they turn to alcohol to numb it or to escape from it. They turn to well, that can be depression too.

Jon 7:10

But sure, but a lot of times anxiety and depression.

Devin 7:12

And here's the thing anxiety and depression can be linked, but they are distinctly different as well. Where I would classify anxiety is something that that lingers around from a day-to-day basis that you have no ability on your own to be able to get rid of, to be able to be be at peace, if that will. If you will, right. Stress in some ways, you do have an ability, right? You know, if you're if you're fighting a bear, you're gonna be stressed out. Right. Yeah. Like if I told you, John, you're fighting that bear tomorrow, like you're gonna go, dang. I gotta go, I gotta actually implement all these things, right? I guess I'd I'd be like, well, I guess I'll go drink some water and make sure I'm hydrated. Dude, so true story here. Uh John's background on our text message thread is um is him fighting the bear.

Jon 8:10

The one on Instagram.

Devin 8:11

Yeah, the one on Instagram. And um the other day I I pulled up my my text to answer you, and my three-year-old daughter is sitting next to me. And she turns around, she puts her finger straight on the bear, and she goes, Big bear. And I went, Yes, baby, that's a big bear. And she goes, John? And I said, Yes, baby, that is John. And then she goes, Oh. And I was like, even the three-year-old knows that the bear would smoke you. Even my three-year-old knows this. By the way, she didn't care that I won the golf tournament. I was a little upset. I care. Thank you. A little bit. Thank you. Don't give a crap about it. But anyways, so I think I think that's really the biggest difference between the two is stress is something that you're able to use and to put into practice, things that you can manage. Anxiety is something that to a degree you have very little control over. Um, and uh for example, I think a lot of men out there, there's a difference.

Fatherhood And The Anxiety Spike

Devin 9:20

Uh, most men aren't stressed about being like you're stressed when the baby's coming and you know you're gonna be a father. You're anxious when you are the father, when the baby's born.

Jon 9:30

Does that make sense? I mean, I guess I didn't I don't have that experience, but yeah. So oh, I did.

Devin 9:36

No, dude, like in the months leading up to uh me becoming a father for the first time, like I was literally on edge for months on end. Big hauls. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be a father. Right? And so every man, do you like, for example, do you remember the first time you found out you were gonna be a father?

Jon 9:56

Yeah, I felt the same way. Uh-huh. I wouldn't call it necessarily anxiety, but so I was a little bit like dude.

Devin 10:03

Whenever I found out that I was gonna be a dad for the very first time, I I'll tell you right now, I was sitting in Dave and Buster's. Okay, you can't make this up. I'm sitting in Dave and Buster's, and a very good friend of mine was with me, and uh Brittany held out this little bitty bag, and inside the bag was a little elephant that said world's best daddy, whatever, right there, right? The second I saw what the elephant said on its little stitching, I dropped the elephant in the bag. I dropped the bag, and then somebody somewhere immediately cranked the temperature of that room up a hundred degrees. I I had to go outside. It was the first and only time in my life I've ever been like, I need some air. And every man out there that just heard that went, Yep, bro, felt the same way.

Jon 10:52

I found out on the phone, and I was oh, I was like, oh crap. All right. Um my life circumstances were a bit different.

Devin 11:04

Yeah, just a wee bit.

Jon 11:05

Yeah, yeah, but I was 19.

Devin 11:08

Oh, oh god, no.

Jon 11:10

No, she was 20 when I'm sorry, I was 20 when she was born.

Devin 11:14

But uh yeah, no, uh-uh, no, some anyways, like I became a lot more anxious once I became a father, right? And to the degree I I had no idea how to manage it, I had no idea how to navigate it. And so in this episode, I'm gonna kind of open up about my story and some of the things that uh that I walked through with regards to what anxiety did, um, how it's managed today, and then maybe some practical steps that we can kind of go at it from there. Let's hear it. All right. So like I said earlier, when when I it's kind of like whenever I became um whenever I was engaged, right? Like I was I was stressed leading up to the wedding to a degree. Um, mainly I said to a degree because mainly my job was um stand there at this time, wear this, and say only this. Okay. Like my job was real simple, but it was still just the aspect of I'm getting married was a big thing, right? Same thing was whenever I found out I was gonna be a father. I was stressed leading up to that moment. I've been anxious a lot since the birth of my children. And the reason why is because for the first time in my life, it was no longer solely about me or just me and my wife. Now I have an actual human, a human that depends on me for her every need. And the absolute terror that that was uh that that flooded through my body, it led to I would

When Anxiety Turns Into Anger

Devin 13:00

go ahead and say some very dark places in my life. Um, I never coped with like drugs or alcohol or anything like that. That was just never my thing. Um thank God. Yes, no, very much. Look, I absolutely saw his his hand of protection over that aspect of my life. But what I began to see was a very number one, a very short fuse. And that's that's typically not me. Growing up and even in the first I was married for four or five years before you know Britney got pregnant.

Jon 13:37

Uh oh yeah, no, lucky you, I was married for three months. My wife didn't even live with me.

Devin 13:44

Dang.

Jon 13:45

Yeah. I long story short, I had gotten out of school in Connecticut when I was in the Navy, moved to Virginia, and I was waiting like a month until I could take leave for a few days and go down and get her and bring her back up to Virginia. Uh-huh. She found out she was pregnant before I came again.

Devin 14:02

The buddy. Anyways, so now like Britney and I got married in March of 18. Um, my daughter was born in January of 23. So, like, we had plenty of time uh for for it to just be me and her. And it used to be to the degree like she would have to go out of her way to make me mad. Right. And anybody would. It used to be there was a version of a Devon that existed where you had to intentionally try to tick me off, and then I became a father, and then it was I mean, the literally the cup could get spilled, and I would just be furious, and so the anxiety led to anger, and then because of my personality, I don't like strife, right? So if I have a problem with you, I'm gonna go to you and I'm gonna say, John, you ticked me off, and here's why. And your response is gonna be like, Oh, that sucks. I really don't care because I know you. It's not necessarily true. Not necessarily true. Oh please, if I told you that you've ticked me off, are you really going to lose sleep over it? Lose sleep, like literally lose sleep. Yeah, like you're going to go, no, I don't like the fact that Devin's mad at me.

Jon 15:27

I wouldn't like it. I don't know that I would literally lose sleep about it, but well, okay. I would do something to resolve it.

Devin 15:34

If you felt like you screwed up. Yeah. Yeah, which is fair. But anyway, so I I I'm I think for me, it it the anxiety led to a place of anger, and you see that in a lot of men today. You see it come out in inadequacies. They feel men feel inadequate in their marriage. There was now early on, uh, and not just in their marriage, but in their uh in their work life and in their work-life balance, and we've been through that, but they feel inadequate in many, many, many areas. And so what that leads to is a man who has absolutely no idea who the heck he is.

Jon 16:17

Can I go chime in on that? I think so. I I talked about some of the struggles that I've I've I had with anger in my slightly younger years, but I think part of what contributed to that is exactly what you just said earlier, like to begin with. I had just joined the Navy, I was low on the totem pole. People literally intentionally make you feel inadequate because you're useless until proven otherwise, more or less, right? That's that's how it's structured. If you don't have in submarines, if you don't have dolphins on your chest, they don't know that they can trust you to save their life if necessary, therefore you're a nub, a non-useful body. Right. Never heard it publicly. That's how it is. It's stressful. Sure. Until you until you get qualified, right? And on top of that, moving my wife up there and while she was pregnant, dealing with all of that, like that a hundred percent contributed to some of it.

Devin 17:26

And the inadequacies lead to uh it's a slippery slope, right? It leads to so many other areas in life where things begin to go wrong. So if you have a man who's a short-fused, um temperamental, uh, it feels like he's never good enough, all this other stuff, then typically you have somebody that's riddled with anxiety. And that was where it was leading for for me at least. Um I I I bury I would bury myself in work to try to avoid it, to try and avoid the anxieties of my life. And I know I'm not the only one to do

Grief, Avoidance, And Overworking

Devin 18:10

that. Um I think back to when I lost somebody of extreme significance to me. Uh, this was before I became a father. My so my wife's real dad is still alive, but um her stepdad we tragically lost in 22. No, 21, uh, it was. And my wife got pregnant uh in June of 22, and I I can remember this is where I'm gonna get really, really raw, but I can remember um I I I I loved that guy, and I miss him every single day. I loved him so much to the point that he was not even Britney's stepdad when she and I got engaged, but I went to him and I was like, hey, I want to marry her. And from the moment from the time that we lost him to the time that uh like when he got sick to the moment that we lost him was about two weeks. And I dealt with for years, uh I dealt with this this anxiety that I I never dealt with change well. And um he got sick the week after Thanksgiving, and two weeks later to the day after he got sick was whenever he passed. And I remember my wife handing me, it was the day after the funeral, my wife handed me the bag of trash out of the kitchen, and she asked me to take it to the front of the house and go put it in the trash can outside, right? And uh I was walking down my hallway of my house, you know the hallway I'm talking about, uh walking down the and apparently uh the bag had a hole in it, and I didn't realize it. And so I got to uh about three feet from the front door, and the bag just ripped open and garbage went everywhere. And yeah, right. And I remember looking down at this garbage, and my wife comes from around the kitchen, she kind of saw the whole thing happen, and she comes from around the corner, and I just sat down in the middle of the garbage. Like in it, like I mean, I cleared some of the stuff around, but there was like you know, just stuff around me and I just cried. I mean, I bawled. And my wife, she didn't like sit in it, but she like squatted and just sat there and gave me a hug, and for about 10 minutes we just both sat there in the hallway crying because we just lost somebody of great significance to us, yeah. Right. And the way I I I I coped with that was I buried myself in work. And so for the next about four to six weeks, um after after his passing, I'm I just I I bet I work 12, 14 hours a day, like all the time.

Jon 21:23

And uh that's one of the um there's like different stages of grief. Yeah, yeah. One of them's like avoidance. Avoidance, yeah.

Devin 21:31

And I think and I think that that's the stages of grief do play in to anxiety, yes. Well for the purpose of what we're talking about though, is the anxiety moment of my stage of grief. And so I I go uh first off, that further solid like I always knew I whenever I from about two months into meeting Britney, I knew I was gonna marry that girl. And oh god was God, please say yes. Right. But dude, true story. When she agreed to go on a date with me, I went, wait, really? I didn't think she would. I was like, there's no way a girl like that goes out with a dude like me. I was dead wrong. Now here we are, eight years married later, and we have two beautiful children. Okay. But say that to say this. First off, find you somebody that's willing to sit in the garbage of life with you and walk with you through stuff.

Jon 22:24

Amen.

Devin 22:24

You know what I'm saying? Shout out Britney because find you someone that's willing to do that with you. And so then about, I would say two months after the funeral, I broke down one day just randomly riding down the riding down the road with Britney. And uh she made me go see, I have a counselor that I've known for probably, I don't know, 10 years now, 12 years. She was like, I think you need to call her, so I want to go see her. And she explained to me, she said, the anxiety of your life has overtaken you. And she said, so what's happened is you're no longer able until you deal with your anxiety. You're no longer and your grief, right? Because I wasn't I was in the stages of grief. Um, you're no longer able to fulfill the mission that God has for your life. She looked at me dead in the face and she said, Devin, you're sick. You deal with anxiety. And that the the two things you need to know and understand is one, it can be treated through a multitude of different methods, which I will get into here in just a minute. But then two, by the mercies of the Lord. And it is only by God's grace that I can sit here today and do a podcast with you. It is only by God's grace that I can have even the most remote level of influence over my friends or family. And it's only by God's grace that I'm able to function in, through, and around anxiety. Because let me tell you what anxiety

Philippians 4 And A Bigger Grace

Devin 24:10

doesn't do. It doesn't define me.

Jon 24:13

Is this I think this would be a good place for me to ask you how Philippians 4 applies.

Devin 24:24

Read it for me.

Jon 24:25

Do not be as the Do not be anxious. The NIV version. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation be by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present with your request to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Devin 24:43

Well, you see, there was a very big problem. The biggest problem in applying that. Now, mind you, I was some look, I went to seminary, I've been a pastor, I've been a leader for most of my adult life. But there was a problem. I got very good at telling everybody else, here's how you need to be able to manage your anxieties and your stress and cope between you and the Lord and and and draw closer between you and the Lord. It's a totally different ballgame whenever it's yourself. Right. And somewhere, somebody out there just pounded their fist on the steering wheel and said, Thank you. Yeah. Because it's a completely different ball game when it comes to doing it by yourself, to winning the war of the six inches between your ears. Right. And so the biggest problem that I have was I knew how to help anybody. I didn't know how to help myself. Number two was I felt in the beginning. Now this sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. I felt in the beginning like this was almost um a place that like God couldn't go. You know what I'm saying? Like no, I don't. So, okay, so whenever I say like God can't go, is in like, God help me uh to deal with this issue that I'm facing at work. Help me to deal with this relationship issue, uh, help me to be able to make next month's bills, help me to be able to put a little bit back for savings and to fix the car and to do whatever. That that was where my very narrow mind went to with what God could do, that God was essentially a vending machine God to me. And so what happened was is he said, but by God's grace, right? In that verse. And here was the problem. I had not accepted that God's grace covered every area of my life. And so I guess that's the question that I would have for our listeners in this episode is have you accepted that God's grace covers every single area of your life? Right. That his love and his mercies are good, that if it's God today, it's God tomorrow.

Jon 26:52

And I think um you're absolutely right. I think a lot of people will take Philippians 4 and read the first Philippians 4, 6, and read the very first half of the first sentence. Do not be anxious about anything. And they kind of stop right there. Yeah. I don't think it means, hey, the Bible says don't be anxious, stop it.

Devin 27:10

Oh, I'm just not gonna worry today. We're good.

Jon 27:12

Yeah, it's not that's that's not quite how it works, not quite how it works. Oh my god. I remember in every situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God, which is what you're saying you didn't do, right?

Devin 27:27

That's right. I did not do. And I and I remember after uh the funeral of this person that we lost to uh you know what I'll go ahead and say his name was Jay. Um after after Jay's funeral, um I remember we're sitting in the uh in the church, mind you, where we worship I worshiped with Jay for years in this church. And we're sitting now, we've we've had the the graveside and we're we're all back to the church now for uh what do you call it? The reception, whatever kind of thingy where everybody gets together and has food and shares stories. You know what I'm talking about? A pot book? Yeah, kind of one of those type things. Okay. Anyway, so we're sitting in there and um mind you, oh, because I left out a key detail. Uh guess who had to speak at the funeral? Who? Mm-hmm. In front of about 300, no, probably four or five hundred people. That I had that I oh he had a massive impact. And he um I'll never forget standing in front of that many people. I've never been afraid of crowds, and I wasn't on that day. But when you're doing it while trying not to absolutely just, you know, like slobber all over the podium from tears and snot and boogers and everything, like that's difficult.

Jon 28:58

Yeah.

Devin 28:58

Um, but I remember I

Stop Saying It’s Going To Be Okay

Devin 29:00

had this person come up to me at the funeral. And if you ever are somebody who does this, I beg of you to please stop. This one this person comes up to me. Mind you, she had good intentions. I understand her intentions. However, that does not take away from the fact that what she said was completely stupid and moronic, and I wanted to absolutely like throat punch her because I was that mad at her for what she said. But she looks at she looks dead at me in the face, and she says the most common phrase everybody says during difficult times. What is it?

Jon 29:40

I'm sorry for your loss. No, I don't know. That's what I say. It's gonna be okay.

Devin 29:47

Thanks. Really, Margaret? How the actual I don't know why it was Margaret, but it that wasn't her name. But I was like internally, I'm thinking, really, how in the actual is it going to be okay? He is gone, he is never coming back. I worshiped with him for years. He walked with me through the crap of life for years. Please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me how in the it's gonna be okay. Because it's not. The reality of the situation is life will never be the same. Right. Never be the same. She like she meant well, but that was what I wanted to yell at her. So but in a sense, she's right.

Jon 30:37

In a sense, she was right. And and look, maybe just don't say that to somebody that just lost anybody really close to them, though.

Devin 30:44

You know, when my daughter was born, uh, like who she is, even today, like I know Jay would love her. Yeah, and she would love Jay. But in dealing with the anxieties of life, we have to understand that God's grace covers it all. That if it's God today, it's God tomorrow. That if you're somebody who's out there who's single, trying to find somebody, trying to find somebody to sit through the garbage of life with you and hold you while you're an absolute wreck in the floor. That if you're trying that God cares about that. Yeah. I'll never forget. I had a uh I was praying over a football team one time uh as a chaplain, and uh I had a a senior come up to me. This this kid had like every five-star rating that you could have as a player and multiple division one scholarships. And he came up to me and he asked me, he said, Devin, I have a quick question for you. I said, cool. And he goes, Does God care about football? Well, let me ask you, John, does God care about sports?

Jon 31:52

I mean short answer, yes. There are I don't know how many references in the Bible to um sports-related activities. Okay, that being said, does he care whether the Vikings win or not? Probably not.

Devin 32:17

I don't like the Vikings. I just picked it up. Um whatever team you like.

Jon 32:21

Go with the Packers. Okay, sure. Does he care if if the Packers win or not? I I don't know about that. No, but I think sports, I think sports are it was it were created.

Devin 32:35

Yes, but so here's I I think yes. And here was my response. I said uh, yes, I do believe he he said, Does God care about football? I said, Yes, I do believe God cares about football because he cares about you, he cares about how you live your life and how you live your faith out on that field, right? So, yeah, God cares about football because he cares about you. Exactly. One of my favorite players uh growing up in college and all that. But anyways, say that to say this. A lot of us tend to think that there's no way that that God actually cares about that. But he does. He does care. And the problem is, is a lot of people think, oh, well, I didn't get what I wanted, therefore God didn't care. And that's such a misrepresent that's such a horrible misrepresentation of who God actually is. God is not your order taker. Yeah, you're not just gonna get what you want. This ain't BK, man. This ain't Burger King. All right, number one, it's disgusting. But anyway, besides the point, this this you don't God's not a vending machine. And that was the problem.

Jon 33:40

Think about it from a parent's perspective. Like, is is is God gonna give you every single thing you want? No. Are you gonna give your kid every single thing they want? I hope not. Absolutely not. I hope not. If you do, stop it. If you're not one of those parents, stop raising a one won't get on that danger. Don't go, don't go down that room. You don't just you don't just get everything you want. No, that's right. Ask for things, sure. But that's not that doesn't mean you're gonna get every single thing you want the way you want it.

Devin 34:07

Like right now, as you well know, uh I don't think our audience does, but my wife and I are looking for a house, right? In the beginning, we said, man, we just we just want a house. Now, where our prayer has shifted to is God show us the house that you have for us. Now, in there are there moments where I lose sight of that and forget that? Absolutely. Absolutely there are. But I'll tell you another way that that I began to process and deal with the anxieties of life.

Perspective, Gratitude, And First World Problems

Devin 34:38

Aside from learning that God cares about it all, number two, you've got to keep things into perspective. Typically, we tend to let what is the you've heard of the pink elephant in the room, right? I've heard of the elephant in the room. I don't know why it has to be pink. Well, you know what? We're men and it's pink, all right? But when in reality it looks like this massive elephant, when in reality it's a teddy bear. And so we're talking about two different metaphors. No, stay with me. Okay, because what I'm talking about is what we see, what if if if I tell you everything that I'm anxious about in my life, you may look at it and go, man, that ain't nothing but a pink fluffy teddy bear. But to me, it's a giant pink elephant.

Jon 35:27

No, I see what you're saying. It's like it's like when your your toddler's Lego city, something that they built. Yeah, their Lego crumbles, their whole life falls. To you, it's like it's fine. Were you outside earlier today?

Devin 35:44

I know my daughter was with you earlier. Uh were you were you outside with the pink balloon? I gave her a pink balloon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what happened? She was losing her mind because she had dropped the pink balloon until you picked it up and gave it to her. Because in her mind it was this massive over-the-top ordeal.

Jon 36:03

I guess I missed that because I just heard her say balloon. Wow. Like once. Maybe I missed that part. Anyway, but to them, it's a huge ordeal if you've been through something that's not as big a deal to you as it is. You get what I'm trying to say.

Devin 36:21

I do, but but what I'm saying is you have to you have to work to keep things into perspective. Right. Right. So if I tell you like I'm dealing with this anxiety from the from not being able to find the house that that I want to raise my girls in, right? What was the what is what did I tell you earlier today? I fully recognize this is first world freaking problems, man. Yeah. Okay. Well, I can't find the house I want to buy. Number one, thank you, Lord, that I even have the means to be able to do so. Number two, thank you, Lord, for my family. Right? But there's a lot of people who don't know where next month's bills are getting paid from. Keep things into perspective. Have some respect for yourself. Like the biggest thing you're worried about, I'll never forget it in business. I had um in my in my line of work, we have what's called chargebacks. And it's basically where I've been paid a certain amount of money, and let's say that client cancels the transaction or the deal, I now am issued a chargeback and I have to pay that company back. And I remember I had my very first chargeback and it was twelve hundred dollars. In the grand scheme of things, you have to understand that's pennies to insurance companies, right? And uh or to the companies that I represent. And I remember I'm I'm hanging out and talking with uh the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, and he turns around and he looks dead at me and he said, Let me get this straight. You woke up today with a roof over your head. You went and you put food in your stomach, you have a wife who adores you, you have a brand new baby girl. This was in 2023, right after Ariel was born. He goes, You have a brand new baby girl. You have not one but two working vehicles. You're 33 years old. And you're complaining to me about $1,200? And he said, Devin, there's somebody else in the next county that woke up and was told that after 30 plus years of marriage, their wife was done. Yeah. And that never truly hit home for me. I remember hearing that that day, and it hit home not too too long ago when I found out that a very good friend of mine has a tumor in his brain. Father with two kids, 35 years old. And so now every single problem that I have and that I deal with in life on a day-to-day basis, have some respect for yourself.

Jon 38:58

That's where a gratitude list comes in pretty handy. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and gratitude list will significantly help you keep things in perspective.

Devin 39:07

And so the thing that I think we have to do, we we have to be better about being able to keep that stuff in a perspective. We have to uh, I think, be better about understanding that the Lord truly does care about it, that he does care about whatever situation it is that you're walking through in life.

Jon 39:29

And how are we tying that back into anxiety?

Devin 39:33

Understanding that anxiety is something that absolutely, number one, God does care about. Number two, he can't go there. It wouldn't be in the Bible if he didn't care about it. Exactly.

Where Peace Comes From Day To Day

Devin 39:43

And then number three, I think it's something that with anxiety, we have to understand where is our peace found? Where's your peace found in life? Because for those that don't know the Lord, uh look, I can understand then why they act out and lash out and do all the stupid crazy things that the world does. But Romans even talks about that of do not conform to the patterns of this world. And so for me, it was understanding with my anxiety where my peace is in life.

Jon 40:22

The peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Devin 40:30

All understanding. That understanding includes your anxiety and includes your anger. It includes the mental battles that we deal with day in and day out. I I don't care if one person listens to this episode or two thousand people listen to it. At the end of the day, what I'm leaving behind is something that my daughters will be able to go back and listen to. And they're gonna be able to know that their daddy fought, that he gave everything that he could for them, that he loved them. So yeah, no, look, part of this podcast, no question, is a selfish aspect of we're trying to leave things behind, I think, for our for our families and for our children.

Jon 41:16

I suppose I didn't really think about that. Somebody mentioned that to me after we started it.

Devin 41:21

Yeah, it's like it didn't hit me until until a few weeks ago.

Jon 41:24

That's a that's a cool thing.

Devin 41:25

It's kind of like a memoir, so to speak. Yeah, it'll live kind of forever. So understanding with your anxiety, number one, keep it into perspective. Well, I'm sorry, number one, understand that God God does care. Number two, keep it into perspective. Okay, at the end of the day and have some respect for yourself. At the end of the day, your problems and the things that you're worried about, they will all be resolved one way or the other. And understanding number three, where does your peace come from? For me, and the way that my anxiety has been managed in a day-to-day life. Do you know this? I don't take an anxiety medication. I've been prescribed it, but I don't take it. You know why? Number one, number one, it it is a um it's an as-needed medication, and I haven't needed it for the better part of the last year and a half to two years. My wife asked me that. She was like, I noticed you've like you can't even read the label. The ink's already like falling off on the prescription bottle. And I said, Yeah, I haven't really needed it. She goes, but we've been through so much. We even had a child last year, and we've been through all that. Like, how have you? And I said, My identity and my peace is found in the Lord, babe. He's already got the next house, he's already got the end of the road mapped out. How dare I be anxious in stress when I know who is the captain of my life? Who is the CEO of my life? My savior is. That's a perspective right there. Yeah. And it took, understand this, it took years to get there. And are there days where I lose sight of that? Absolutely, there are. There are plenty of days where I lose sight of that. And every single time I go back and I say, Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't trust you. I'm so sorry at that for that moment. I didn't have that doubt. And I have to imagine, does that break God's heart? Like, Devin, I gave you life. I gave you everything that's in front of you, and you're not trusting me with this. One day I have a sign in my office that says, Don't give up because you prayed to be here.

Jon 43:48

It's like, it's kind of like I know your daughter's only three, but mine do this. They're like, What are we eating for dinner? Like, that's a valid question, sure, right? But sometimes they Say it in a way like they want to make sure they're gonna eat dinner. And I don't know how many times I'm just like, have you ever gone without food when you were hungry? Sometimes Drew would being a little smarter. I'll be like, Yeah. Okay.

Devin 44:14

Drew's also very, very literal.

Jon 44:16

Yeah. He means like he means like he had to wait an hour and a half for a snack until we got home. That's what he's talking about.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

Yeah.

Jon 44:24

Anyway, like, have you ever gone without a meal? Have you ever gone to bed without dinner? No. Like, then why are you worried about it? Well, we're gonna eat. Okay. Calm down.

Devin 44:34

Right. That's funny.

Jon 44:35

Will it be what you want? 50-50 shot of that.

Devin 44:39

You know what? You know what my mother did whenever I was a kid? If I went and asked her what was for dinner and I made any kind of a gripe, and I made so much as a ugh, or whatever, my mother would for real stop cooking, pack it away, break out the peanut butter and jelly, throw a leaf of bread on the table and say, fine, eat that. Because you're gonna complain either way. You're not gonna complain after I've done all this work. I bet you're more thankful for food now. Most definitely, I bet. And don't you know it whenever I whenever I go to my wife and I and I'm like, hey babe, what you want to do for dinner? If she says this, I'm like, sounds great, sweetie. I don't know. What I am guilty of is the typical husband thing. I I think this is typical where you set a plan, but then it comes time for plan to be activated and you go, no, I'm not feeling that no more. Do you no? No, never.

Jon 45:36

Are we talking about dinner?

Devin 45:38

Yeah. Dinner plans? Yeah. Like, do you do you ever do you and Laura ever make a plan and then it comes time to execute the plan and you're like, no, no, not really feeling it no more.

Jon 45:47

We're usually pretty in sync on things like that.

Devin 45:49

So well, I'm glad you're you guys are just absolutely freaking perfect.

Jon 45:52

I mean, not uh not always. Like sometimes she's like, I want to go here, and I'm like, all right, that sounds wonderful. Let's do that. Well, in the back of my mind, I'm just like, oh, shoot me.

Devin 46:09

You better ward on here that part.

Jon 46:11

She probably will. And what I'm specifically what I'm talking about, she already knows Mexican food. I like it. I don't want to eat Mexican like twice a week. Speaking of, as we recorded last episode, Cinco de Mayo, baby. It is Cinco de Mayo. Mm-hmm.

Devin 46:29

It sure is. Anyways, that's that's kind of my story with anxiety. That's uh to bring circle it back here. Um, let's get the train back on the track. All right, but to kind of put a bow on all this, that it that's a little bit of my story with anxiety and what I what I have done, where it took me, um, and then kind of where I am today. Uh, it's only by the Lord's grace that I've gotten there. Uh, still have my moments. You two will continue to have your moments. Yeah, absolutely. So don't so don't give up, right? Yeah. And John and I would also say this if you're someone out there who is struggling with anger or anxiety, or you know somebody who is send them this these last two episodes. It's this is mine and John's ministry.

Jon 47:14

We are not psychologists. No, we're not. And psychiatrists, psychologists. We will offer ways. We will offer you know just offering personal experience here.

Devin 47:23

Yeah.

Medication, Doctors, And Real Freedom

Jon 47:24

I will, however, ask you a question. Sure. Go ahead. With that caveat, we are not doctors. You've been prescribed anxiety medication. Correct. Did you used to take it daily? Yes. What you overcame that? Yes. Have overcome it to some extent where you at least don't have to take it every day. Correct. And have it, you said for like a year and a half. For a very long time, yes. Do you think that there are situations where people do need to continue to take prescribed anxiety medication?

Devin 47:56

Most definitely. First off, let me also add this caveat. I did not just stop taking it on a whim. It was something that I talked with my doctor about. It was something that I spoke with my therapist, my counselor, about, and both agreed. Like, no, you your numbers, your levels, and all this other stuff. And based on what you're telling us, it would make sense that you don't need this medication no more. You can take it as needed. And I I so I will say this. I did that with the consultation of my doctor and my counselor. Okay. If you've been prescribed something, you absolutely need to take it. If that doc unless that doctor tells you otherwise. And because I'm not a doctor, right? God knows you don't want me being your doctor. Okay. Um, but but in the but what I'm saying is is that there there is levels. I know you're just picturing it.

Jon 48:52

Um it turns out rub some dirt on it's not an accurate uh turns out prescription. No.

Devin 48:59

Um for anything. But but I I will say that it can be overcome. There is freedom that can be found. For me, my anxiety at one point was crippling. It did lead to depression. And I had to deal with that. And I had to, so I it was years before I came off of it. So to answer your question, yes, there are absolutely situations where it in some because it's medical, some of it is actual medically scientifically true that your body does not produce enough serotonin or enough of a specific chemical to keep you from going from one extreme to the other. Okay, so absolutely there are there are instances where people need to stay on that medication.

Jon 49:54

There was uh I think there was a point in my life where I was dealing with some anxiety and didn't recognize it. And even looking back on it, I'm still not quite sure I recognized it. However, I was at one point really, really, really, really depressed. And I ended up getting prescribed um medication for that depression. However, I didn't take it for very long, like it was enough, it's meant to be it was enough to help me I'll I'll use the word catapult me out of it a little bit. And then I used all types of other methods to help pull myself out of that pit that I was in.

Devin 50:41

Treat it kind of like if you're stuck in um in in the ocean and I come by and I've got a a life raft that I can give you to help keep you alive, to help keep to make your situation a little bit better. That's your medication. What I implemented was things in and around my life and in my spirit, and in my my actual walking of my faith that allowed me to not just get out of the water with the life jacket, but to get in the boat. Gotcha.

Jon 51:19

So okay. I just wanted to ask about that. Yeah.

Devin 51:24

Anything else? I'm good.

Prayer, Final Thoughts, And Next Steps

Devin 51:26

Let's pray. Father, we love you. Lord, thank you so much for this platform. God, I pray for every person out there under the sound of my voice that's listening to this. God, that they would begin right here, right now, to be uh be able to work and to cast aside the anxieties and the stressors of their lives. God, that they would see and know and understand who is the CEO of their life. That you created them, that you love them, that you did not bring them this far to abandon them. God, as you spoke to me and you told me you didn't bring me this far to just bring me that far. There is a plan, there is a mission. I pray, Lord, that you help every single person that's dealing with anxiety on a daily basis. God, that you be the peace that calms in their spirit. Whatever it is that they're anxious or stressed about. Be the peace that, as your word tells us, passes all understanding. God, we honor you. We thank you. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Jon 52:34

You know, I completely forgot to make my anxiety joke at the beginning of this.

Devin 52:41

Do you know what it is?

Jon 52:42

Yeah. Today we're talking about anxiety. The Bible says in Philippians, don't be anxious about anything. Podcast done. Totally forgot. Yeah, we're out. Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.comcast at gmail.com. Keep pursuing excellent. And above all, keep pursuing next to the