21. The Comfortable Life Is Keeping You From Your Purpose

This episode breaks down what passive living actually looks like, why comfort became the goal in the first place, and what God actually called men to do with their lives. Spoiler: it wasn't to float. The goal isn't maximum comfort. It's obedience and purpose.

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Transcript

Lobster Sunburn And Gas Station Food

Devin 0:10

Welcome to the Uncommon Man Podcast. We are your host, Devin Jeffries, alongside a very good friend of mine, Mr. John Pierce. How's it going today, bud? It's going. It's going. Welcome back. Episode 21, baby. 21. It's a good number. Yeah.

Jon 0:25

Why do you look like a lobster today? Because I freaked in the sun like a lobster.

Devin 0:31

For those of you who don't know, uh John is not white. He is neon white. And apparently spent more than 10 minutes outside today. And um looks like I was closer to eight hours, but yeah. Okay, okay. Well, you do know there's this stuff that was invented a very long time. It wasn't supposed to be there for eight hours. So I'm just make sure you know about it.

Jon 0:55

Yeah. It protects. I did go down the road to get water and looked for uh sunscreen. They did not have it. You know what they did have? Aloe vera. Peaches. They had peaches. It was a good peach. They weren't quite ripe, but the way I felt at that present moment, like it was fine. Where did you go? Was this a gas station? Yeah, it was a gas station.

Devin 1:19

Okay. All right. So they had a bunch of fruit. It was really weird. Okay, so weird question here. And then we're gonna divide some men here with this. Um gas station, trustworthy or bad idea? For what? For food? For food, yeah. Deported on the gas station. Or bad idea.

Jon 1:38

It does. I'll take a wawa sandwich over a subway sandwich any day of the week.

Devin 1:43

Okay. All right. Gas station sushi.

Jon 1:48

I don't think anyone agrees that that's a good idea.

Devin 1:51

Sounds like a horror.

Jon 1:53

I've never even seen sushi in a gas station.

Devin 1:55

I have one time and it was not here in Alabama. And it was weird. And I'm pretty sure it had things growing on it. I didn't even see sushi at the 7-Elevens in Japan. But you ate a peach from a gas station today.

Jon 2:08

They had a lot of fruit. It all looked pretty good. The peach wasn't quite right, but it was a good peach.

Devin 2:12

Okay. All right. Well, you look like a lobster, but it's good to be back. I'm excited for this episode. Um catch you guys up. We've been kind of in and I guess a little bit of a not a series that we've been doing, but kind of just following along in the same

Marriage And House Updates

Devin 2:30

themes of dealing with anger, depression, anxiety. And then last week, uh, we kind of focused more along the lines of why did it just leave me? Okay, Devin.

Jon 2:44

What did we talk about literally last week?

Devin 2:46

Literally just left me.

Jon 2:48

What was it?

Devin 2:49

I don't I don't remember right now. How do you know? Because that was a week ago, dude. Do you know what's happened in the last week? Doubt. Doubt. Yes. Thank you. You're welcome. There's been a lot that's happened in the last week, man. You got married? Yeah.

Jon 3:05

Congratulations. Thanks. Yeah, that did happen since then.

Devin 3:08

Yeah, you got married. So uh congratulations. The uh very unfortunate soul. I mean fortunate soul is uh is a very good friend uh of mine and my wife's, and super excited for you, Laura. Um, man, it's it truly is the best thing that ever happened to me personally. Um, I know you two are perfect for each other. She is the best thing that ever happened to you personally. My wife, marriage, you jerk. Well, it's not the way it sounded. Anywho. Um, and then literally uh last week after we got done recording, uh, for those of you who have not been paying attention, we've been my wife and I have been looking for a new house, and we've asked the Lord to uh to to bless this process and to make it easy. And uh John and I last week uh turned the recording off and we were done, we were ready for that episode. And right then and there, my realtor sends me the green check mark, which was code between me and her, that we had gotten the house. So my wife and I have our offer was accepted. We have a house now. We're super pumped to be moving to Alabaster. So why did you have a look on your face just now? You had a look of like you're such a dork.

Jon 4:26

No, I remember the green check mark, and I was like, why was there a green check mark? Like, why not just it's a text message, just say words.

Devin 4:34

Well, I didn't want I didn't want her to because it's our chat is between um me, her, and my wife. And I didn't want my wife wouldn't know what the green check mark meant. So what what I did was I left and was able to go home. And as soon as I walked in the door, like my wife knows me so well. I just had this big grin on my face, and she was just like, What are you smiling about? And I was like, I don't know, baby. Can I not just be home happy to see my wife? And she goes, No. And she goes, I'm just kidding, but for real, like, did something good happen? And I'm like, We got the house, and we both like celebrated and embraced, and and and tears flowed because it was weeks in the making and just something that we had prayed for for a very long time. So God's been good to us, man. Uh, you got married, I bought a house, you're moving this weekend, I'm moving in three weeks. There's a lot going on. So uh part of the month of June there or or all of the month of June, possibly. Uh probably there, yeah. There is unfortunately. John and I are gonna take a step back from recording just while we uh you know get settled into our new digs, so to speak. Um, and then we're actually gonna move the podcast equipment from your place to my place. So yeah, because you have a spot that has air conditioning. Yes, and you still look like a lobster.

Jon 6:04

Anywho, is pretty hot on the on my sunburn skin right now.

Devin 6:08

Yeah, exactly. Anyway, so but we will be back. That is a promise. So in July. In July, yes. We will be back.

Jon 6:19

Will it be the first week? Hopefully. Will it be the second week? Absolutely, but by then.

Devin 6:23

Yeah, absolutely. Um uh maybe a little bit of a new look behind us. We'll see. I don't know. What do you think? I don't know. Okay, cool.

Jon 6:34

So today's I know these were a pain in the butt to stick up there like that, and they're starting to fall apart. They need to be redone anyway.

Devin 6:42

Anyway, what are we talking about, Devin? Today's

Why Comfort Becomes The Goal

Devin 6:45

episode uh escaping passive living and comfort addiction. Kind of a um microcosm of what you and I are both going through in our in our individual lives right now, right? My I'm like for me, my mortgage is increasing, which is a little bit of a comfort because I'm comfortable where I'm at and what I'm doing, and now I'm having to get uncomfortable. Uh you are are are no longer a single stud. You're now a married stud. Um I don't think that's less comfortable. I think I'm I think to some men it is in my case it's more comfortable. Yeah. I'm not doing it because it's comfortable, but but you also I I I truly think that you did exactly what I did in the sense that you married your best friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jon 7:46

It doesn't even feel different. I know. It just it doesn't feel different. She told me the other day, no, it was this morning, she was like, holy crap. It's like what? She's like, You're my husband. And I was like, Yeah. And she's like, and I'm your wife. At least it was that and not and not. Oh god, you're my husband. Yeah, but it was I was just like, Yeah, you put it like that, it's it's kind of weird. Oh god, this guy I gotta wake up to.

Devin 8:17

No, it was it's anyway. I'm getting off when I yeah, rabbit trail. Um, anyways, back the bus up. Here we go. So when we're talking about passive living and comfort addiction, just I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions to really kind of get this thing going, okay? And I think one thing that a lot of men struggle with is living with purpose versus just it's just existing. Right.

Jon 8:42

I've I've said this before on on here. I don't know when it was, I'm not gonna go find it, but I've said it, just trust me, or you can go find it yourself. I don't care. Lit like each and every single one of us have a God-given purpose. And if you are simply existing, you are not pursuing your God-given purpose, whatever that may look like. And I think far too many men are just simply existing. I'm just here. Yeah. I don't think we've used those words, but we've definitely mentioned that before early on. I don't remember when it was.

Devin 9:17

But like it's it's you know what I'm saying? It's the grind. Yes. And the grind simply causes you to exist a lot. So we wake up, maybe you work out, maybe you don't, maybe you go for a run, maybe you don't, but you get up, you get a shower, hopefully, uh, you go to work, and you come home, you sit in traffic, or you sit in traffic, you come home, you go home to God knows what. You could it could be an empty house, it could be a a wife with children, it could be uh a house full of cats, for all I know. But whatever it is that you're going home to, the reality is is we simply go do something to air quote entertain ourselves, and we're gonna cover that later about entertaining ourselves and why that why that can be dangerous and where that can be dangerous. And then we go to bed and we get up and we do it all over again the next day. And the only day you feel like you have any true hock day. Right. You feel like you only have any true uh break is is maybe the occasional Saturday or Sunday. But then what happens is Sunday rolls around and you go, Oh, I'm too tired to get up and go to church. You know what? I'm glad Jesus didn't say that. I'm too tired to go to the cross. Um that's besides the point. I I think I think that's the problem, is m it is common for the man in life to just exist. Also known as laziness.

Jon 10:40

Yeah. Also known as uh that's when we talked about this self-leadership. Yeah. In like episode, was that two?

Devin 10:48

I think so.

Jon 10:48

Yeah.

Devin 10:49

That's a lack of self-leadership. But you know, you know, like they're what they're doing is they're seeking comfort. Yeah. In that. And so that's really the whole purpose behind this episode is comfort addiction.

Jon 11:01

And I will say one of the reasons we're doing this is because we have talked about comfort and other things sprinkled in here and there. But like we should probably just address it by itself. Exactly.

Devin 11:14

But I I think this is really the key way to start it off is why did why is comfort the goal for a lot of men?

unknown 11:22

Right?

Devin 11:22

It's a goal for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

It's people in general.

Devin 11:26

But what when did comfort become the goal? When Adam sent, I think. Adam and Eve sinned. So you think comfort's always been like an epidemic.

Jon 11:35

Well, yeah. From from the dawn of time. Literally, Adam, like thorns grew from the ground because of them. Yes, we're gonna get into the uncomfortable and well, I'm saying the beginning, because yeah, we'll we'll get to that part, but the I'm saying from the beginning because that's when discomfort became a thing. Okay. Discomfort is not pleasurable.

Devin 12:02

Sure. And and that makes sense, I think, for a lot of people though, today in today's modern world, in today's day and age, you just need to ask yourself, when did comfort become the goal? Like, why why is it just if I can just get home and I can just get to my chair? And I or I can just get to my couch, or I can get in my gym shorts, or I can whatever. I know, right? Let's not be tired when we get to heaven for crying out loud. Dear God, man. Like, wake up. I mean that being said, that being said, you do need rest, but that's uh yeah, but there's a there's rest and then there's addicted to rest. Yeah. And that's a that's different, you know. You have to ask yourself, I think, are you leading your life or are you escaping something from it? Like, are you escaping something? Are we are you leading in that goes back to that self-leadership thing? Uh absolutely. Episode two, go back and give it a listen if you need a refresher. But are you leading your life or are you escaping from it? I think over time, passivity, comfort, and avoidance will absolutely destroy your life. What's the point of a vacation? A break, a break from the norm, a break from the cycle uh of wake up, go to work, come home, do whatever, go to bed, wake up, and do it all over again. I think the point of a vacation is is also because I do relax more. There's a difference. Hold on, before you go down that road, I think there's also a difference between resting and like to me, I rest at home. I I don't really relax a whole lot. Uh I mean, I I can't, I don't know. I do, I don't know how to say what I want to say, but because I I mean to me, the point of a vacation is also creating the memories, it's about the destination.

Jon 13:54

Okay, are we talking about family trips or vacations? I'm talking about vacations, yeah, not family trips. Okay, fine.

Devin 14:00

I still think of the a vacation is about creating a memory, whether that memory's for yourself or your wife and your kids. All right, all right.

Jon 14:07

Sorry, it can mean different things to different people. Not really what I was getting at. I think in reference to Groundhog Day, right? We wake up, do the same thing every single day. Saturday we're too, I don't know, we cut the grass and then we do whatever. And then Sunday we're too tired to do anything because it's Sunday. Rinse and repeat, right? Right. And then we take a week-long vacation to escape our lives that we're already living in a way that escapes anything uncomfortable.

Devin 14:37

I see what you're getting at.

Jon 14:38

You say what I mean? Yeah. Like I feel like to most people, a vacation is just f further trying to escape reality. Which I mean, to some extent, there's nothing sure. Go spend two days and don't think about anything. Not a bad idea, to be honest. Lock yourself in a cabin. I want to do that. But that just sounds boring to me. It's so much rather. Locking yourself in a cabin is more

Vacations As Escape And Balance

Jon 15:05

about reflection and sure. Okay. Yeah, but my my point is I f I feel like a lot of people treat vacations and it's further pushing the passivity in their life. To a degree, but I mean I I do like what a vacation should be versus what it is.

Devin 15:30

Again, for me, but but what my vacation is for is to create memories for my daughters and my wife and for us as a family.

Jon 15:38

Yeah, sure. And it whatever vacation means to you, it's completely irrelevant. I get the thought process you're trying to do you see what I'm trying, you see what I'm trying to say. Um it's a it's a slightly more extreme example of living passively.

Devin 15:52

But I think there's also uh it's it's the same thing as indulging in something. I think it's the same thing as indulging in something. So if you indulge too much in relaxation, you become lazy. If you indulge too much in work, you become a workaholic. It's it's about finding that groove and that balance, not a work-life balance, but about finding that groove and that balance in your life for what you need to be able to truly live out the example and the purpose that God has a calling on for your life. So I think there's there's some examples though, I want to give you about what creating a passivity life, a passive type lifestyle in a comfort zone looks like. Number one, it's very, very easy, endless scrolling. Like I have a friend of mine that I can tell he changed jobs. You know how? Because in his last job, I might would hear or get one or two reels from him a day. I literally get 10 to 15 a day from him. That's a lot. And and and he's like, Did you watch that? And I'm like, No, bro, I have a full-time job. No, I and I don't, and and I'm sorry, I have daughters, so no, I don't get to sit in the toilet or on the toilet for 45 minutes anymore. That's just not happening. That's just a dopamine addiction. Exactly. But the thing, so English scrolling, uh, avoiding hard conversations as somebody who's very, very passive. I this to me is an epidemic amongst men today.

Jon 17:26

Yeah, it's kind of we kind of talked about that a couple of times already, and it's sort of even its own thing, but you're absolutely right.

Devin 17:33

You have to have the hard conversations in life. When you don't, it gets buried. When it gets buried, it turns into things such as bitterness that it never should have been. When if you just simply had the freaking discussion, it wouldn't have been that way. I think it becomes an entertainment addiction. I know I referenced that earlier, but a lot of us have that. I think the majority

How Passive Living Shows Up

Devin 17:55

of men out there have an entertainment addiction. Yeah. Whatever your entertainment is, okay. For me, sure, do I love to kick back on a college football weekend and watch nothing but college football all weekend? Absolutely, man, that is a great time for me. There are people like yourself who would last 20 minutes because you would go, I'm bored out of my skull right now. Okay, but but so for me, it is an entertainment addiction. So what I've had to do is I've had to curb that away from not saying that I can't sit back and watch football for a little bit. That's not what I'm saying, and that's not anything that my wife has said or whatever like that. But I've had to curb it in the sense of what is more important getting out in the yard and playing with my little girls or sitting on the couch.

Jon 18:46

I'll say, I'll say this. Um, I haven't an entire day of college football has not always been boring for me. It got more boring over time. Now I couldn't care less. It's a weird thing. I don't know. But if you're one of those people that says it's college football starts this weekend, I'm busy for the next however many Saturdays that is, like, dude, stop. Stop it. Like, stop. See, I know you have done that.

Devin 19:18

I have done that.

Jon 19:19

I know you have done that.

Devin 19:21

I I actually um have have done that for entire weekends, maybe. Um okay, but are you actually completely unavailable for every single time? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, if my wife wants to do something or or you know my daughters want to go outside and play, now the good news is is I have a TV outside, so I can turn TV outside while I'm playing with my daughters.

Jon 19:44

So but all I'm saying is like, no love of God, if you do go out with your family while a football game's on, don't watch it on your phone. Just stop. Now see uh okay, I can't get it.

Devin 19:57

I think if you're I think if you're at the I think if you're at the restaurant waiting, um yeah, no, I mean I say that. Anyways, we're we're we're gonna go down way deep of a rabbit hole here. I'm just I just want to say stop it. Moving on. That's fine. For some men, it's it's video game or it's uh um it's uh what was the word I'm looking for? I have no idea. You you you dive too deep into a hobby. Like it's fine to have a hobby, it's not fine when that hobby becomes you. It's not fine, it's not fine when that hobby overtakes you. Yeah, when you blow all your extra money on that one thing and it becomes an addiction.

Jon 20:35

Don't fool yourself into thinking it's gonna become a career. You will not become a professional golfer, probably. Calm down. You don't know that.

Devin 20:42

I could I could become a professional golfer. No, it's you don't know. You don't think no, you don't think they're chasing mid-90s golfers? No, no, I don't. Well guys, I gotta go find a new career path. John John Pierce just ruins mine, anyways. Um, I I th I think here's a here's another big one for for men struggling with this is knowing what to do but never acting.

Jon 21:08

That's tough.

Devin 21:09

I think I just hurt somebody's feelings with that.

Jon 21:11

No, I mean I mean I'm sure maybe that that's a tough thing though, because there's there's two sides to that. You can you can know what to do, and it's really it's for some reason it's it's just difficult to do. You know the right answers, but actually executing on them can be can be difficult. On the flip side of that, you can know what you shouldn't do, and maybe it's a dopamine add addiction or whatever. Um what did you call it a second ago? Uh entertainment addiction. Yeah. Maybe it's something like that. You know that you shouldn't do what you're doing, and then you do it anyway. It's a those that can be a difficult thing to overcome. Weber, you can. Sure. Right. And it's not just straight straight up what you're doing.

Devin 22:04

But if you if you know what to do and you never act on it, then in my in my opinion, that is I think where passivity happens is knowing what to do and choosing not to act on it.

Jon 22:21

There's knowing what to do and trying to get yourself to a place where you can act on it. And then there's knowing what to do and choosing to not do it. Sure. Noah, not Noah. Jonah. Jonah. Jonah. Knew what to do and chose to not do it. He said, no, thank you, not doing that one.

Devin 22:45

How the how'd that work out for him? Um to also understand a little bit, I think you have to know what passive living looks like. And to me, it's very, very simple. It's it's got a few different things. You're avoiding responsibility.

Jon 23:00

Why don't you just stand up and be like, it looks like this? What did I do to you? I don't know.

Devin 23:09

Is it because I called you a lobster?

Jon 23:11

Oh no, I called myself a lobster today. It's fine. Bro, I'm hurt my feelings if you try.

Devin 23:16

I'm down to 271, son. When we started this podcast, I was 290. Suck it.

Jon 23:22

Isn't even referencing your weight.

Devin 23:23

Okay, well, that's where I went. Uh, anyways.

Jon 23:28

Continue. It was a it I had to throw it in there. Sorry. Why? Like, why do you gotta do that?

Devin 23:35

I don't know. I don't even have examples of how you live passively. Fine. Well, let me show you what passive living looks like. Let's learn, and I'm not gonna stand up. Jerk. Jack wagon. Um, it's it's somebody who avoids responsibility. They delay action, they live reactively, and they choose comfort over growth.

Jon 23:56

Let's dive into each one of those just a little bit.

Devin 23:59

Well, I I think avoiding responsibility is kind of the same thing as knowing what to do but not acting. You have a response,

Reactive Living And Avoiding Responsibility

Devin 24:05

you have responsibilities as a man, as a father, as a husband, as a leader, what have you. When you avoid those, that's a passive lifestyle.

Jon 24:13

Yeah, it's intertwined, but it's still different. And delaying action, I think, follows right along suit. It does. The two the two things are related, but not quite the same thing, I don't think. So don't delay the action.

Devin 24:25

You see a need, go make it happen.

Jon 24:26

Right. Avoiding responsibility is how many how many dads do you know? Not yourself. How many dads do you know that could count on one hand how many poopy divers they changed?

Devin 24:44

I know, I know a handful of dads that are like that. Right. Not very many, truthfully, because I just I choose not to surround myself with that, to be honest.

Jon 24:53

I mean, maybe maybe you have some type of I don't know, dynamic between you and there's different dynamics at play. Sure, but you get my point. I got no problem in the world if my wife says, hey, the baby needs changed. You're re it's your responsibility as a father to take care of your kids. When they're little, they don't know how to use the toilet. Right? It's your responsibility to take care of your family above everything else. Oh, well, under following God, above everything else, it is your responsibility to take care of your family. If your family is not being taken care of, you're avoiding that.

Devin 25:30

Yeah. You're avoiding your responsibility and you're delaying the action. You're somebody and there's now this, I do know a lot of men who do this, they live reactively. Right. They live in this lifestyle where they are, I mean, truly addicted to comfort. They think if they work six hours, that when they come home, that somehow awards them an ability to just go turn on the Xbox or the PlayStation. Yeah. And worked all day. Oh, worked all day. I deserve this. You don't deserve squat. You deserve death. According to the Bible. But so I'll say it too, according to John Pierce and the Bible.

unknown 26:16

Yeah.

Devin 26:16

But you but you live reactively. You don't, you're not you're not chasing and avoiding, or I'm sorry, you're not chasing solutions to problems. You're waiting for the problems to come to you, and then you find the solutions. It it's it's kind of the age-old thing of, you know, a all right, so we're packing right now.

Jon 26:36

Yeah. Let me real quick. Sometimes life happens to you, right? Sometimes you have to react to situations.

Devin 26:44

Sure. I and I'm not saying that.

Jon 26:45

But what you're saying, what you're getting at there is not living intentionally.

Devin 26:49

What I'm what I'm getting at is when when you have when you're somebody who work who makes minimum wage, but you go find a $2,000 a month rent. Yeah. You're creating for your you're making it harder for yourself. I used to have this guy that I would mentor, so to speak. And finally one day I just told him, I said, Do you like making it harder on yourself? He goes, Well, what do you mean? I said, dude, you knew that this was coming. You chose not to file your taxes, you chose not to pay or to go get this rent. You chose not to change the oil in your car every however many thousand miles. You can't like you made things harder for you because you chose to live in a reactive type life.

Jon 27:36

Right. It's like owning a house and having zero savings and living paycheck to paycheck. Something's gonna go wrong at some point. And if you're not prepared for it, then you're saying you're just trying to react to it. Like, oh, I gotta come up with I don't know, fifteen hundred dollars for whatever if you want to talk about finances, you gotta come up with fifteen hundred dollars for whatever. Well, I mean, maybe if you lived a little more intentionally and planned ahead for things, you would at least have some type of way to tackle that. Yeah.

Devin 28:05

Like why if you're living paycheck to paycheck and at the end of the month you have 50 bucks left over, why in God's name would you choose to go ditch a car and go get another car with a car note? Now we're using these are examples, but this is living reactively and making dumb decisions.

Jon 28:23

Right. We're we're using financial examples here because it's just easy. Right. It's easy to reference. This is the easiest to everything.

Devin 28:33

Yes. You live reactively. You don't you don't change the oil in your car, but then you wonder why the engine's locked up.

Jon 28:41

You I mean your kid keeps getting in fights at school.

Devin 28:46

But you choose not to sit down and have a conversation with the kid or take him to therapy.

Jon 28:50

You chose not to sit down and have multiple, multiple, multiple conversations with them about life and how we act and who we are as a family, what we're about, so on and so forth. That's right. Beforehand. Like your last name is insert. My dad.

Devin 29:08

My dad used to raise me that you carry two things everywhere everywhere you go with you. You carry Jesus and you carry that last name. Yeah. And and he would always follow it up. Don't embarrass either one of them. Like serious, serious. So, but then so that so they're living reactively, they're choosing comfort over their growth. They're choosing to to literally just stay in in their air quote safe bulb, safe bubble over their growth. They have a lack of discipline. This is somebody, if you if this is you, ask yourself this. And they're emotionally numb. That's the big one, in my opinion.

unknown 30:01

Yeah.

Jon 30:01

When you're emotionally that's the biggest, I think that's probably the biggest indicator of floating through life. Yeah. That's a that's a good terminology. You've just gotten to a point where you're like, whatever, I don't care anymore.

Devin 30:14

Yeah. And that's such a number one, that's a dangerous place to be. That's a dangerous place to be, but that's also just not the way God created life to be. No. And you can say, well, well, you you and John are sitting here.

Jon 30:28

He did not tell Adam and Eve Cole go exist. No.

Devin 30:31

No, he said, go be fruitful and multiply. And and the thing about it is, is we're we're in such a society that we have chosen such a comfort.

Emotional Numbness And Daily Discipline

Devin 30:46

Because it's just it's easy. And the thing about is, and you can say, like, oh, well, you and John are sitting there from the comforts of a house, and you don't know the struggles and blah, blah, blah. You think John and I had everything in our lives handed to us on a silver freaking platter? Absolutely not. John and I have worked our backs off to be able to provide for what little few things we do have. God's been good to us, but I'm not going to sit here and just say that it happened because like we have, like you and I having this podcast or having this equipment, these cameras and the lights and the house that we're recording from to the house that we're going to be recording in and the things that we have there, that we have all those things. We didn't get them because we had a lack of discipline, because we had no vision, because we had constant procrastination, and because we were emotionally numb. We got these things in life, and that's why I tell people if you have stuff, it's not that you it's not that you go flaunt it, it's that you don't necessarily need to apologize when other people give you crap about it. Yeah, no. I mean, I think you got it with drug money, maybe like right, but sure. But like I'm not going to apologize that I have the house that I have. You see what I'm saying? Is it the biggest mansion in the world? God knows. Do I want something bigger? Heck yeah. But you know what, baby? Guess what? This is the one that God put us in. So I'm gonna be pumped about that. I'm gonna choose to celebrate that. Does that make sense? Yeah. So sorry, I'm getting off on my tangent here, but um, but I'm I'm just really back in. Emotional numbness. Emotional numbness. To when you just have when you have somebody that has truly given up, they like I watched a video. Uh there that could that could be depression too. Yes. That's a whole nother thing. The whole thing. Emotional, emotionally numbness is linked to depression, no question. You're absolutely right there. But I'm talking about when you're when you're choosing to just not care about anything. Right. That's a choice.

Jon 32:56

When you get to that point, even whether depression leads to emotional numbness or vice versa, whatever, doesn't really matter. Once you get to that point, the the point is to keep yourself from from getting to that. If you're pursuing your purpose in life and leading yourself, doing everything you can to lead yourself better and better every day. Yeah. What's the how's the saying go 1% better every day? Something like that. And and I'll live by that. If same with your family, if you're leading your family, if you don't have a family, I don't know, make yourself two percent better every day, whatever. No, I mean, at the beginning of if you're pursuing your purpose, like you you're not gonna have time. I've been depressed before. I have too like severely depressed. I don't have time to be depressed.

Devin 33:42

But I don't have time for that. But I but I mean, like to me, uh like I made the decision at the beginning of 2026 that I was going to start losing weight. I made the decision that I was gonna start making my bed every day. I made the decision that at least every single day, at least one thing a day, I was gonna choose to do that I hate. And for the first several months, it was running. Now it's lifting. I hate lifting. I hate the way I feel. I love it while I'm there because you know that that adrenaline hits. Do you hate the soreness? I hate the soreness. Yeah, that that's like I hate the fact that I can't get off the couch without making growing cold man noise. It does, but and everybody's like, you hit the high and you hit the you gotta bust through the second wall. Screw you and your second wall, man. Uh I'm still dealing. I feel like I've got a wall

Biblical Warnings And Modern Comfort Idols

Devin 34:40

on my shoulders, man. Anyways, give us some biblical examples, John.

Jon 34:45

Adam, we already kind of talked about he was passive, stood there instead of leading.

Devin 34:50

Yeah, his first failure was not uh was not anything other than being too passive.

Jon 34:56

Yeah.

Devin 34:56

And and if you don't believe me, go go read the book of Genesis. I it's Genesis chapter one, where what in the camera? It's in while you're fixing the technical difficulties, I'll read this. But in Genesis chapter one, it's where um the the serpent has come and has tempted Eve, and it says that she gave some to her husband who was nearby. He stood there, he was passive, he stood silent instead of leading. Yeah, it overheated. Ain't nothing to do about it. Okay, so I'm just not gonna have a camera for like half the episode.

Jon 35:39

Okay, for the remainder of this episode.

Devin 35:42

You just get to listen to the sultry sounds in the house.

Jon 35:44

Yeah, sorry, my camera overheated. And what happened once we get air conditioning, you know? Yeah, that's right.

Devin 35:50

I think another one uh would be Ahab.

Jon 35:54

Talk about that's my favorite. Ahab allowed his wife Jezebel to uh push the worship of the Canaanite um gods, Baal, and I don't even pronounce this. I wrote it down. Asherah, is that right? Asherah. Asherah. Okay. Um, and to persecute prophets of the Lord. So he didn't lead Israel and uh provoked the Lord to anger more than all of the other kings of Israel before him. And I think he was passive and it made God mad. Yep. And that's not a person you want to. Do you want to make God mad? Uh that's the answer is no.

Devin 36:38

That is a firm negative don't be passive. But but I think scripture points on a lot of things to this, you know, about taking up your cross daily. What is your cross? Your cross is the things that you're responsible for. Right. I think it's faith. I think it's understanding that you can have all the faith in the world, but if you don't back it up, it's dead. Faith without works, it's dead. And then surrounding yourself by the right people. Iron sharpens iron, right? But there is a danger for comfort addictions. When you're somebody who's addicted to comfort, these are some danger zones that you need to, or some idols that you need to pay specific attention to. Because hear my heart, whenever I say this, comfort in and of itself is not sinful. Living for the comfort is yes. Wanting to go home and slip into your PJs and sit on the couch and drink beer for four hours. Yeah, I mean you don't have to sleep and nails in being comfortable, right? But it but being comfortable when you're living for that. Right. Living for the weekend. Yeah, that's that's when I think uh there's there's a really big problem. Some of the biggest freedom I ever found was whenever I went to work for myself. I have a buddy of mine who recently did, and he was like, dude, I don't know how you do it. I'm like, you have to be disciplined. And he goes, Do you think I am to do this? And I'm like, Absolutely not.

Jon 38:07

He goes, Well, how do you don't want to be poor, you will be here.

Devin 38:10

I mean, and he he asked me why not, and I said, uh, when's the last time you turned on your turned on your Xbox? He goes, Oh, I don't really know. And I was like, Really? Um, because yesterday I got an alert on my phone that I didn't, I thought I'd turned off Xbox alerts on my phone that you were online and it was 2.30 in the afternoon. And I was like, no. Do I think you're disciplined enough for it? Absolutely not. But these are some idols to pay attention to if you're somebody who you feel like is streaming towards, or not streaming towards, but heading towards a comfort addiction. The first one we already kind of mentioned, phones. Yeah. Uh somebody who's phones, um, pornography. I think's another one. Uh food. Can be. Food can be. Food can absolutely be a comfort. Um, streaming, ironically, I used that word accidentally a second ago, but there it is. Streaming, convenience. When you search for nothing but hold on, streaming?

unknown 39:08

Yeah.

Devin 39:09

Like movies, TV, Netflix? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Convenience. When you search for convenience in life, you're somebody who's headed for a comfort addiction.

Jon 39:19

Right. Now that that that doesn't mean choose. I'm not saying I'm not saying choose because it's inconvenient, right?

Devin 39:27

Right. I fully I fully believe in the model of work work smarter, not harder.

Jon 39:32

All right. I fully believe in that model. I mean, if it's for efficiency's sake, sure.

Devin 39:36

Sure.

Jon 39:36

Yes.

Devin 39:37

But when you're somebody who's just looking for the convenience factors of life, right?

Jon 39:45

You're you're you're avoiding the hard stuff. I mean, we're talking about specifically pursuing convenience.

Devin 39:51

Right. When that's all that you're pursuing. And then validation, when you're and here's the thing, I I I'm gonna tell myself here a little bit. I used to have such a need for validation. I think, I think there's literally a 50-50 split in men. You either need the validation or you don't. I think for you, you're somebody that you don't. I think for you, you're correct me if I'm wrong here, you don't need to be told how great of a husband and a father you are.

Jon 40:19

Yeah, not necessarily. There's something, I'll say this, and I think this is probably true for a lot of people too. I don't think it's whether you need it or not. I think it's how much you need it. Because I don't I don't like being the center of attention, and I don't necessarily care if you think that I'm good at something or not. However, if you're someone in photography, for instance, right, from another respectable photographer, like if it's Sally that bought her camera last week, I don't care what she thinks about my photos, right? If it's somebody that's been doing it longer than I have and I think it's better than me, if they give me a compliment, I'll I'll eat that up. Because right, it's not something I need, but I greatly appreciate. Does that make sense? Yeah, makes perfect sense. So I I think it's more I think it's not so much whether you need it or not, but on what level? Because everybody needs a little a little pat on the back even more than, right?

Devin 41:26

Sure. But there's there's chasing that when you're chasing that for a living, uh, or when you're chasing that all day, every day, and I have to have it right. If Tiger Woods wants to come compliment me on my golf swing, that's gonna be awesome. I'm going to eat that stuff up. He wouldn't. Unless he just wanted to make you feel good. Well, I mean, that's fine too. And maybe Tiger's not the greatest example in the world because the guy can't seem to get out of his own way for anything in life. Um good at golf, though. He's good at golf. If all right, fine, we'll use a modern one, uh, because tiger's also old as dirt. Um, but if Scotty Scheffler wanted to, he's the world's number one golfer, by the way, John. Um, but if Scotty Scheffler told me, hey, this is what's good about your golf swing, I'm gonna eat that stuff up. If I go play a round of golf with you and you tell me I have a good golf swing, guess what? Don't care. You know why? Because you suck at golf. Do I? I'm I'm gonna take a bet. You never play golf with me. I would absolutely take that bet that I would smoke you in a round of golf. No, you probably would. Okay then. But you also suck. So golf is actually one of those sports where everybody sucks, but they all think they're better. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So let's stop talking about ankle. It's not even a real point I really want to go play golf. Whoa! Back up, scooter. Is it in the Olympics?

How To Break Free And Pursue Purpose

Devin 42:57

Comfort. Um here's here's another way of putting this to get back to this now that uh I don't like you anymore. Um so we've identified your idols. Understand this. Comfort becomes dangerous when it controls you. You have to break free from it. You have to break free from that. I'm gonna give you guys four real quick ways. Number one, accept responsibility. I think you I think a lot of men have that that issue. They don't know how to take responsibility, they blame circumstances and they refuse to take ownership. It's to me, it's it's it's a massive epidemic. Especially amongst for people, but especially amongst men.

Jon 43:44

Yeah, there's a lot of there's a lot of people. I know I have been one in the past, and if you say that you haven't ever been one, then you're lying. But ever everyone should like accept responsibility for your own actions. Don't blame everything else.

Devin 44:04

Into my wife's car. First thing he says, man, my bad. I just wasn't paying attention.

Jon 44:11

That happened to me today. I was at the so I was at the at the drive-thru. Uh-huh. I was going I went through a drive-thru and I thought the lady had handed me my card back, but she didn't. And I started to pull off. And she the lady was like, Oh, wait, your card. And I'm like, oh yeah, thanks. And I had to reach back like a l a little bit, right? Because I pulled up. I pulled up away from the window. The guy behind me sees me pull up and didn't pay attention to the fact that I had stopped, because normally that's not a thing that happens. And he he bumped me. He rear-ended me, but like he's moving like a one mile an hour, right? You get out rather on the ground, hold your arm, go, ah. I still had food in my hand. I was trying to set it in the seat. But I got out and he's like, there's no scratches. And I looked, and he just looked at me. He's like, I'm sorry. I was counting money and I wasn't paying attention. I was like, it's all good, man. Like it's fine. Yeah. There was literally zero.

Devin 45:06

Accept the responsibility. Don't take the ownership. Well, why'd you stop? Or or don't right. He took the ownership. Very easily blamed me for the car. Why'd you stop? Why'd you forget your car? Why'd you blah blah blah blah? Blame the circumstances, right, instead of actually taking ownership of your own crap. A lot of people would have done that. And that's that's a really big problem. Number two, build some discipline.

Jon 45:27

Yeah.

Devin 45:27

Uh simple daily habits, prayer, scripture, exercise, and limiting distractions. We've been through those. Do the basics. Do the basics. That's right. Discipline is choosing what you want more most over what you want now. I'll say that again. Yeah. Dis discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now.

Jon 45:51

Yeah, that there's there's more yes in a nutshell. In a nutshell, that's what that is. So doing discipline is doing the things you don't like doing, and in the words of Mike Tyson, do the things you hate like you love it. Yep. He I probably misquoted that, but it was something like that. But the reason you do that is for the outcome that you get later on. You do the hard things because of the outcome that you want. I heard it recently on another podcast. The word that they used was or the phrase that they used was roll the tape. I was like, that makes a lot of sense. If I keep doing this thing, how's that gonna affect my life in however many years? A year. Four months. How's this gonna affect my life in four months? If I run 20 miles every day for the next four months, good God. What am I gonna do? Probably be in the hospital. I don't know. It's hot. But you get my point, right? If I if I if I sit on the couch and drink beer and eat cheeses for four months, then where am I gonna be at? Yeah. I'm not intentionally just using fitness analogies, but it gets the point across.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

Yeah.

Devin 46:59

Right. Choosing what you want, most of what you want now. I think you have to pursue discomfort. You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Yes. And you know, for me and getting ready to move and all that, it's easy to stay in my three-bed, two-bath garden home with my mortgage that is stupid cheap. It's easy. But it's and it and it's convenient, but I'm pursuing the discomfort by giving by trying to give my family a better life. Not necessarily a bigger house, not necessarily more stuff, but a better life. So pursue the discomfort. Growth requires resistance. That's one thing in in training that I hate. I hate resistance training. I despise it. Well, any kind of training, if you think about it, is resistance. True. But even if you're right, in this context, gravity. Growth requiring resistance is it's hard conversations, it's accountability. I think it's serving others. I I think there's a lot of a lot of comfort, or I'm sorry, a lot of growth found in serving other people.

Jon 48:08

Oh, yeah. Um people, some people, myself included, love. Just I I get a lot. If somebody needs help with something and I can help them, I get I get immense joy out of that. Sure. Absolutely. Some people don't, I guess. I don't know what that's like personally. I mean But I guess some people are just like meh.

Devin 48:31

But why do people and I'm I'm with you. I do the same thing. Okay. But why do people why do you think they fall into such a comfort addiction thing aspect of life? Well, like, why do you think it's it's not in the notes, but why do you think people will begin to choose comfort? Because it's easy.

Jon 48:56

They don't want to people don't, you don't naturally, you don't come out of the womb wanting to go do hurt things.

Devin 49:01

There you go. Right?

Jon 49:02

You're you're not born with that desire.

Devin 49:05

You're not born saying I I I heard it put this way, you're not born saying yes.

Jon 49:09

You're also born with a sinful nature. You're born with a sinful nature, you're born to pursue comfort. I don't think those two things are too dissimilar.

Devin 49:19

No, exactly. You don't come out of the my my daughter didn't come out, and her first word was yes. It was always no fill me back in. Yeah, right. I liked it in there. It was comfy. But that's the thing, is I think that a lot of people they're wired that way. And so you have to rewire something. And when you choose to rewire, you choose to make things that are not as comfortable. You lose focus on the mission for your life. So I think that's the next step. I think you have to rediscover the mission. You have to ask yourself, what's God called me to build? Who or what am I responsible for? Your purpose. Yeah. What kind of man do I want to be? What kind of man am I?

Jon 50:02

Yeah. And in reference to what I was saying a minute ago, roll the tape. If you keep doing what you are, what you're doing now, where is it gonna get you? If you change something and then do that and keep doing it, where's that gonna get you?

Devin 50:16

Yeah. Roll the tape. When whenever you look back, if if you could get a replay of your life, like today's today is is a Wednesday as we record. If we could go back and roll the tape from Monday and Tuesday, could we find areas that we could be better? Could we find areas that we maybe messed up?

Jon 50:40

No, I mean, yeah, but not really what I was getting at.

Devin 50:45

I mean, day in and day out. Yeah. Your your your daily habits, your daily ri rituals. You have to rediscover the mission. What has God called you to build? Our goal as believers is simple. Make heaven a crowded place. Go forth and make disciples. Yeah. Our goal is simple. Go forth and make disciples to make heaven more crowded. Who or what am I responsible for? I'm responsible for me and my family. And outside of that, the opinion is irrelevant. And then what kind of man do I want to be? Do I want to be somebody who's passive, somebody who's comfort, somebody who dies at 65 because you're 400 pounds and overweight? Or do you want to be able to live a prosperous life? Ultimately, that's that's truthfully the reason I decided decided to start exercising. I wanted to get out in the yard and go play with my daughters.

Jon 51:45

Yeah.

Devin 51:45

Without being tired after 10 minutes.

Jon 51:48

People make all these I made a joke to a guy I was the guy I was working with today. He's he turns 21 Friday, right? And I'm I'm 33. I'm not that old either. You're a little fart compared to him. He like, I mean, sure, whatever. He like tripped or something. He was coming down off a ladder and he like stepped down off like the third step or something like that. Three feet off the ground. And he said something like, ah, kind of hurt my my knee a little bit, but he was fine, right? He didn't get hurt. Yeah. Right. But he's like, I can feel it in my knee, kind of thing. And I was like, you know, they keep they always told me after you turn 30, everything hurts worse. And you wake up and you're sore and you're this, that, and the other. And I'm just like, nah, I don't, I'm not buying it. I don't feel that way.

Validation Hunger And Final Charge

Jon 52:35

And I don't, I think it's gonna be a while before I do. Like if I if I can't get in the yard and play with my grandkids, like something, something, something happened.

Devin 52:45

Well, there's that, but then there's also like, I don't know about you, but uh to me, I didn't start asking this until after I turned 30. And that's uh every new thing that hurts every day. I'm like, is this temporary or is this permanent?

Jon 52:57

Yeah, see, things that hurt on me are just the same thing all the time, and I know exactly why they hurt. Yeah. I think my shoulder hurts because there's a bunch of metal in it. Right? I mean, it is what it is, it's nothing to do about it.

Devin 53:08

Well, my shoulder hurts because it's separated in the C joint, never had it surgically repaired. But yeah, see, there you go. That's the point. Um, anyways, let's put a bowl on this, okay? Understand this. God did not call men to coast through life. You used the word float earlier. He did not call you to float through life, he called you as a man to lead, serve, sacrifice, and to live with a purpose. And the problem is this most men, most men do none of those things. They don't lead, they don't serve, they don't sacrifice, they'll they'll hide behind the thing. Well, I work all day, I'm sacrificing. You're you're doing what you should be doing. That's called bare minimum there, buddy. When you're a bare minimum, when you're a bare minimum man, you can't expect man-sized results in life. Yeah. You can't expect God's blessing to follow that.

Jon 54:05

And I think this is this is a little bit of a separate topic there, which we kind of touched on before, but we didn't say this. There's back to what you said a few minutes ago about validation. Yeah. There's if I I think uh I think this is a this is John's opinion. I think a lot of men have gone their entire lives without very many compliments or validation on the things that they do do, right?

Devin 54:33

Yeah.

Jon 54:34

And they get to a place where they're do they're literally just doing the bare minimum, but then they're crying because they get no validation or a pat on the back for things that they do. And then you get that's that's part of how some people get to this place. That makes sense.

Devin 54:56

Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I literally had a conversation with a guy earlier today, just kind of going through it in life. Things are falling apart all around him, and I just took a moment to just encourage him. I said, listen, brother, nobody's told you lately, you're doing a good job. Like you're fighting for your family, you're fighting like hell for your family, you're doing a good job, buddy.

Jon 55:14

Yeah, there's a lot of memes and reels and stuff like that that exist. I've seen a couple here and there that um Yeah, I think the same guy sent you one that he sent me one earlier today. Uh, but it's something along the lines of when your wife gives you a compliment, it's one of the oh, dude, I just make a freaking wall. Exactly. Oh, I can't. That's very true. That is very true.

Devin 55:40

My wife came in earlier, uh, I think it was yesterday, I was dealing with some lending stuff and I was just getting frustrated. And my wife came in there, she just shrubbed my shoulders for a second. She brought me a thing of water and gave me a kiss on my head and she said, I love you. Thank you for everything you're doing. And bro, don't you know I could have run through a brick freaking wall then? But you got a lot of work done after that. I got a lot more. I got more done in that hour than I did the rest of the day.

Jon 56:06

So we shouldn't pursue comfort. Yeah.

Devin 56:08

We should pursue obedience and purpose. Father, we love you. God, thank you so much for this platform. Thank you, Lord, for what you have given each one of us. God, we are so much more blessed than we infinitely deserve. I pray, Lord, that you help every man here to be willing and to be ready to stand up and to do hard things, to stand up and to make the right decisions, to accept your blessing, to not block it, to know that you're still God over even the worst of circumstances. God, I love you. We honor you, we thank you in Jesus' name. Amen.

Jon 56:44

Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.podcast at gmail.com. Keep pursuing excellence, and above all, keep pursuing price.