S1E9 "Motherhood Meets HIV Advocacy" w/ Lynette Trawick Pt 2

The most honest conversations often start at home—sometimes with a medication alarm and a kid sprinting to grab the water. We sit down for part 2 of our conversation with HIV advocate and mom of many, Lynette Trawick, to explore how transparency in a serodiscordant marriage becomes a blueprint for raising informed, confident teens. From clear language about bodies and consent to annual HIV testing before sexual debut, we share practical ways families can normalize sexual health, defuse stigma, and make U=U a lived value instead of a slogan.

We also push into the delivery room and ask hard questions about policy and practice. Why are parents living with HIV still blocked from breastfeeding in some settings when modern treatment makes undetectable viral load the norm? What would it look like to treat birth as an experience rather than a procedure—prioritizing mobility, dignity, and informed consent for those who are undetectable and stable? Lynette brings her perspective as a birth doula in training, outlining how HIV-literate doulas can advocate for clients, challenge outdated protocols, and bridge the gap between clinical safety and personal autonomy.

Finally, we connect medication choices to real life. Side effects like weight gain and elevated blood sugar don’t just affect lab numbers; they touch mood, mental health, and the daily load of motherhood. We discuss proactive family planning in HIV care, the need for nutrition and mental health support alongside antiretroviral therapy, and how partners can stand together through disclosure, prevention, and shared decision-making. If you care about maternal health, HIV advocacy, breastfeeding equity, or simply want better tools to talk with your teens, this conversation brings both heart and actionable insight.

If this resonated, follow the show, leave a review, and share with a friend who needs these resources. Your support helps more families find clarity, confidence, and care.

Transcript

Welcome Back & Part Two Setup

Jaye Wilson 0:15

Hey girl, hey, it's your girl Jaye. Welcome to another episode of Melinated Mommy Talks the Podcast, where we are talking about and exploring all things within the Melinated Moms spectrum. In our last episode, we started part one of our conversation with Lynette Trawick, a mom raising and caring for 11 children between her and her husband, a black woman who is living and thriving with HIV, an HIV advocate, and a woman running her own nonprofit. Lynette talked to us about her experience and learning about her HIV status, her journey to find and build space for her and her community, and started telling us about the importance of self-care and taking a break from the advocacy world in order to explore all of the other intersections that make her who she is. Here is part two of three of that conversation with Lynette. In this episode, we are going to be talking about everything from being in a sero discordant relationship to the idea that giving birth is not a medical procedure. So go ahead and pull up your metaphorical seat, tap in, and enjoy part two of our conversation with Lynette Trawick. One of the things that stood out to me was the conversation with disjointed, sero converting...

Lynette Trawick 1:58

Sero discordant couples.

Jaye Wilson 2:00

Serodiscordant couples.

Lynette Trawick 2:00

Yes.

Serodiscordant Love And Transparency

Jaye Wilson 2:04

I'm not asking your husband's status because that's not my business.

Lynette Trawick 2:06

We're a serodiscordant couple.

Jaye Wilson 2:08

Okay. Thank you. With that being said, how do you have that conversation with other serodiscordant couples to come forward and feel comfortable being discordant but also being together? Does that make sense?

Lynette Trawick 2:22

Yeah. So same thing like we said earlier, transparency. You know, Daniel and I, we talk about, you know, like I said, our children are educated around HIV.

Jaye Wilson 2:33

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 2:33

Different things like that. So because we go together as a family and he's, he's transparent as well, you know, people are open and willing to ask questions. So once we start opening up, they're like, oh, well, let me talk to you. You know, there has not been one space that we've been in and we shared our story that someone did not come up to us and say, Thank you for sharing. Let me tell you about myself.

Jaye Wilson 2:57

Yeah. Or let me share this experience of a friend or a family member. Thank you for sharing your experience because it helped me understand them more. Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 3:06

So yeah. So it it just all goes back to that transparency and vulnerability.

Jaye Wilson 3:10

Yeah. Yeah. And I and again, I think that also comes back to your kids, right? So I'm a huge component or advocate, rather. I'm a huge adjac advocate of our kids being able to see what we do so that they know what, what ways to make the right decisions for themselves. Right. So very similar. My girls, you will always see them in my stuff, right? But I'm watching now, they're 13 and 16. I'm watching them grow up and have their own like opinions and be very aware, even having conversations with their other friends about these same kind of topics, right? They're teenagers. They're talking about sex, they're talking about choices, boyfriends, girlfriends, all of those things, you know.

Lynette Trawick 3:54

And life's different, ain't it?

Jaye Wilson 3:56

It is.

Lynette Trawick 3:58

Teenage life. That's a different kind of life.

Jaye Wilson 4:02

We took that breath together. But one of the things my um one one of my daughters told me is she's very open. Like she'll have these conversations with their with her friends, and they'll be like, There's no way I can have this conversation with my mom. There's no way that my mom will listen to me. And for them, this is normalized, right? So they're like, you can't talk to your mom about sex. You can't talk to your mom about your body. You can't talk, why can't you talk to them? So, like, how do we encourage more parents to have these kind of fluid conversations, not just in the space of like, I want you not to do this, right? Like, I don't want it to be a punitive conversation, but to be like a collaborative space where you can share that vulnerability. You can share the actual education behind it, right? But you're also hearing them, not to respond, but to actually listen.

Lynette Trawick 4:55

I think that comes, that starts with being okay with knowing that you made mistakes in your life.

Jaye Wilson 5:03

Yeah.

Teaching Teens About Sex And HIV

Lynette Trawick 5:04

And being okay with sharing some of those mistakes with your children. I've always been open with my children about different experiences. Of course, you know, different levels, different ages and things like that. Each one of my children got different versions of me. You know, as I grew, I learned.

Jaye Wilson 5:24

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 5:24

You know, I made mistakes with each one of them and I learned from those mistakes, but then I made different mistakes with the next one. But I've always been open. I'm, I'm okay with apologizing to my kids.

Jaye Wilson 5:35

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 5:35

You know, my son, who's 22, we have great conversations about remember back when mom was a mess, a whole hot mess. Remember when I used to leave you with the neighbor because I wanted to go out and yeah, you know, we talk about stuff like that. And it, it, it made, I, I grew with that one. You know, I, we grew up together. And I just feel like we, like I said, we just have to be okay with telling our children that we made mistakes, sharing those mistakes with them. And to me, those are some of the things that will help them to then be a little more open. I take, you know, like I said, I take my children with me. My daughter, I remember my daughter hosted a, she, she came with me and we hosted a workshop together at a high school. Because it's one thing for me to share my experiences with a high school student, but then it's another thing for my child, my high school age student to share her experiences of living with a mom who's living with HIV.

Jaye Wilson 6:37

That's deep. That's deep. So how was that for you? Like hearing it from her mouth, of saying this is what it's like for me to experience my mother's diagnosis from my lens.

Lynette Trawick 6:48

It brings me a lot of joy.

Jaye Wilson 6:50

Okay.

Lynette Trawick 6:51

A lot of joy, actually, because she's so open with it because I've been open with it. So ever since they were old enough to kind of sort of understand why mommy's taking medicine every day, that's, they just, HIV is a normal conversation in our house. You know? Yeah, my mom has HIV, she takes medication every day, she's healthy, that's it. Whatever. Like, you know, you have any questions, ask. I, I remember my son sharing with me once. I think I asked him, he may have been in, I don't know, sixth, seventh, eighth or somewhere in middle school. And I asked him, has anybody ever said anything to you about your mom, you know, living with HIV? He was like, no. I said, like, none of your friends or anything, because I'm very, very public with my status. I I post a lot on social media. Um, so and honestly, honestly, it never occurred to me that it could impact my children in that way.

Jaye Wilson 7:45

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 7:46

Um, it was just me doing what I'm supposed to do. I just have to share because this is my story. And I never thought about how it could potentially impact my children until somebody asked me one day. So I asked him, and he said, No, you know, all my friends love you. They all call you mom anyway.

Jaye Wilson 8:02

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 8:02

They follow you on social media. So, you know, if they have any questions, all they're gonna do is ask me. And if I don't know, they're just gonna ask you and just whatever. So it's just such a regular conversation. He said, I think he said one time um when he was in school, somebody tried to use it and they said, That's why your mom got AIDS. He said well, actually, she has HIV, and the difference is, so you know, it's like...

Jaye Wilson 8:27

I love, I love a good read with some education. Like, let me actually give you the real fact.

Lynette Trawick 8:34

Yeah, so you know, I, I, I really, I admire my children in that way, you know, their, their level of understanding and their openness. And I, I remember when they were younger, my kids are, they're, I have, I'm, we're heavy on teenagers right now. Um.

Jaye Wilson 8:50

God bless you.

Lynette Trawick 8:51

They're they're like, what are they, 14, 15, a 16-year-old, two seventeens, 18, and yeah, we're heavy on teenagers right now. So when they were all little, you know, like 10, 10, 11, and under, they so we used to do these videos called medication motivation. It's still up on Instagram. It's a it's an Instagram page, Medication Motivation.

Jaye Wilson 9:15

Okay.

Lynette Trawick 9:16

And they, they're, they're my, my little babies. There's some from like last year, too. But um, we used to do a video every single day, and that started just for accountability for myself. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna post this video every day of me taking my medicine. So they knew my alarm would go off. You would see my kids scattered because they would be fighting. What they want to be the first one to go get my medicine and go get me something to drink.

Jaye Wilson 9:39

Kids love something to do. Let's go like little toddler to like school aid. Yeah, like it, mommy.

Lynette Trawick 9:46

I got it, I got it.

Jaye Wilson 9:47

Oh, you want some water? Oh, you want some juice? I got you.

Lynette Trawick 9:50

I got three cups. I got you water, but I got you juice. This one is better, you know?

Jaye Wilson 9:55

Yes.

Lynette Trawick 9:57

So they would literally, when my alarm went off, they would come running because they knew it was time for medication motivation. And no matter where we were, we would do a video.

Jaye Wilson 10:05

Okay.

Normalizing Testing And Status At Home

Lynette Trawick 10:05

So we could be like here, and the alarm would go off, and they would go run it. And somebody got some water, and we'll okay, and we got to do medication motivation. I speaking engagements, I would do medication motivation. Girls' nights, it didn't matter. I did medication motivation every day. And my children were all always a part of it. Um, I love going back and looking at those videos when they were small.

Jaye Wilson 10:25

So beautiful.

Lynette Trawick 10:26

So, and then my, my youngest, he used to like filling, so I, I take um different supplements and vitamins and things like that as well. And I put my HIV medication in with it. So he used to like every Sunday sit and fill up my, my, the pill case for the week.

Jaye Wilson 10:40

Uh-huh.

Lynette Trawick 10:41

And sorted the Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and the month, morning, afternoon. He would sort everything out for me every single week. And um, that was just our thing. So it's just a normal conversation in our house, you know. And you can, you can start getting tested, I believe, at like 13 or 14.

Jaye Wilson 10:58

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 10:58

And um, so that was something else that we started normalizing. You know, when our kids, we would be at speaking engagements. Okay, this one's 13. Come on, son, let's go get, let's go get tested. I'm not having sex. That's okay. You can go, you know, start.

Jaye Wilson 11:10

Always know your status.

Lynette Trawick 11:10

Yeah, you know your status. And it normalized him getting it done every single year. So that way, once you are sexually active, it's not a weird thing for you to go get tested.

Jaye Wilson 11:19

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 11:19

It's not a weird conversation for you to have to say, hey, boo, before we go do this, I know somewhere we can go get tested. Matter of fact, my mom probably got some home tests up underneath the thing. Before we do what we do, mom probably got a box of such and such.

Jaye Wilson 11:32

With the supplies.

Lynette Trawick 11:34

They know, okay? They know. Mom probably got a box of box of condoms up in the, in the um, you want, which ones you want? You want the um insertive condoms, you want the, you want the female condoms, you want regular ones, you want the big ones or the little ones, but like what you want, the lube, you what you need. Because, you know, and that's, you know, it and it's not, to me, that's not forcing, you know, it's not, some parents don't like to do that because they're like, I don't want to put the thought into my kid's head.

Jaye Wilson 12:01

No.

Lynette Trawick 12:01

Trust me, the thought is gonna be there.

Jaye Wilson 12:03

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 12:04

Especially these days. If they're on social media, even if you think, first of all, I don't think there's a kid that's not on social media. I hear a lot of parents say, my kid ain't on Instagram. I hear you.

Jaye Wilson 12:15

I hear you.

Lynette Trawick 12:15

I hear you. Um, but if their friend is on Instagram and their friend got a phone, more than likely they own it too.

Jaye Wilson 12:21

Yep.

Lynette Trawick 12:21

Because I've seen my children log in on their friends' phones when I told them they weren't allowed to have, and then they got six, seven, eight accounts. I tried to shut down five of them, but it's still two of them. So...

Jaye Wilson 12:33

They got spam accounts and dummy accounts and a ghost account. I'm like, Your account for all these accounts?

Lynette Trawick 12:40

My son had a fit one day, little sidebar. My son had a fit because he posted something and he and a friend of his commented and said, Yo, bro, you put, you put this on the wrong account. Like, so now you just let my mom know I got a whole nother account on it. But yeah, so anyway. Anywho, um, so yes, just being open to, you know, doing all, you know, doing all of that. Matter of fact, my my girls last year for Women and Girls HIV and AIDS Day, they did um, we recorded a TikTok, and at the time that it was a trendy, it was a trend. Um, it was, I'm a such and such. Of course I do such and such. You remember that?

Jaye Wilson 13:26

Yeah, yeah.

Lynette Trawick 13:26

So we did a video like that. So they went, you know, they had it was different things. They were like, my mom's an HIV advocate. Of course we have a box of condoms just sitting up in the middle of the room. My mom's an HIV advocate. Of course I can go to her and talk about why my boobs hurt. My mom, you know, so it was different things like that. So it's just normalized. That, that's the, that's the biggest thing is normalizing the conversation.

Jaye Wilson 13:48

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 13:48

You know, HIV isn't a taboo topic. Sex isn't a taboo topic. We all have body parts. You know, we're not gonna call them cuckoos and haha's and hoo-hoos.

Jaye Wilson 13:58

Yup.

Lynette Trawick 13:58

We're gonna call them vaginas and we're gonna call them penises. You know, my son still giggles, he's nine. So I'm trying to get him past the giggling part. I'm like, son, say penis. You have a penis. It's okay. No, I'm saying that. Mom, like, all right, whatever. But trust me, you have a penis, okay?

Jaye Wilson 14:14

Right.

Lynette Trawick 14:16

But just normalizing those conversations, you know. Did you wash your penis well? Did you wash your vagina well? It's like it's, you know, who, who can touch, you know, these are private things, you know, uh no only the doctor can touch it, but only if mom's in the room with you.

Jaye Wilson 14:31

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 14:32

You know, those different, those different conversations. And, and that's sex education. People tend to think of sex education as, you know, when my child gets to be a teenager and I talk to them about sex. No, it starts with those body parts.

Jaye Wilson 14:43

It's true.

Lynette Trawick 14:44

And it talks about, it starts with good touch, bad touch,

Jaye Wilson 14:46

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 14:47

Things like that. What happened at that sleepover? Did the grown person say this is a secret and don't tell your parents? That's all of that is part of sex education. All of it.

Jaye Wilson 14:56

It's true. It's true. And I, so I'm glad you bring that up. The conversation around sexual education for children, when it's appropriate, when it's not appropriate, what is appropriate, how do you have those conversations with other parents who feel that you're encouraging your kid instead of educating them?

Lynette Trawick 15:18

Pretty much just like how I did with you.

Jaye Wilson 15:20

Well damn. Okay.

Lynette Trawick 15:22

Like seriously, that's...

Jaye Wilson 15:24

Like this.

Lynette Trawick 15:24

That's just like that. Like you think your child ain't thinking about sex.

Jaye Wilson 15:29

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 15:30

You know, but more than likely they are because it, the world is so overly saturated with sex at this point. If they're listening to music, they're they're hearing sex. If they're watching anything, even some of these cartoons, I'm not sure.

Jaye Wilson 15:42

A lot of these cartoons.

U=U Explained Through Lived Experience

Lynette Trawick 15:44

Me and my husband and the nine-year-old will sit and watch a Disney movie and they'll say something, and I'll look and side eye him. And I'm like, don't laugh, because he's gonna know that that's the, you know. But then I'm looking at him and he like, oh, so you know what they were saying.

Jaye Wilson 16:01

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 16:02

So, you know, they're thinking about it.

Jaye Wilson 16:04

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 16:05

You know, and, and if somebody says a word in a movie, you know, they want to know what it is. And all you gotta do is ask Siri, you know, and, and hope you got the right parental blocks on stuff, because even that doesn't always do the trick, which I learned from my now, my daughter who'll be 18, and when I took her phone one time and I had all the parental blocks, and I found out how she was getting around all of it. So nothing is safe. Nothing is safe. You have to have the conversations. You have to have the conversations.

Jaye Wilson 16:38

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 16:38

You know, even when it comes to like music and things like that, I don't listen to a lot of the mainstream things, but my kids do.

Jaye Wilson 16:44

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 16:44

You know, I, I don't know what half of the, I don't know. I, somebody asked me about don't you know such and such? No. But I know they're probably saying something that I probably wouldn't approve of. So we're gonna have these conversations.

Jaye Wilson 16:57

Yeah, yeah. And kudos to you, because I think that's that's hard, like to I guess go against the grain, if you will, of being like, you're not gonna look for it yourself, you're gonna get it here at home. And I think with other parents, like also being able to be that expressive and, and like with IMU, like you were saying, having the space where you're talking to families who are dealing with someone who you know is living with HIV, like those family dynamics, that's incredibly important.

Lynette Trawick 17:30

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 17:30

Um, like you were saying at the beginning of when you first were diagnosed, you're asking, you know, did the kids get it from me using the bathroom or using this dish, or did, did they get it from drinking after me? These things are so literally from the very beginning.

Lynette Trawick 17:47

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 17:48

Like early 80s.

Lynette Trawick 17:50

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 17:50

Right. And we have 30 plus years of information that are telling us none of those things are going to transmit HIV, right?

Lynette Trawick 17:58

Yeah, but but also giving space to the fact that you can hear it all day, but until you experience it, it could be, is something completely different.

Jaye Wilson 18:08

That's true.

Lynette Trawick 18:08

You know, we, you, you have U = U, undetectable equals untransmittable.

Jaye Wilson 18:12

Yep.

Lynette Trawick 18:12

Such a crazy concept, you know. So it's saying that if if a person who's living with HIV reaches an undetectable viral load, they cannot. It's a zero percent chance that they can transmit HIV to someone else through sex. Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 18:27

But if you don't, you, some, if you can't internalize it, like you, some people, you just, it's like it doesn't make sense to me. Like, what is, what do you mean? Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 18:36

You know? But it, it just, I mean, it's exactly how my husband and I, husband, how my husband has stayed HIV negative for the 11 years we've been together. You know? So it's you, U = U. So it's being able to share those stories.

Jaye Wilson 18:52

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 18:52

Because without that evidence, people are not going to, that they'll hear that stuff and it's in one ear and out of the other. But if I can share my experience with you and tell you U = U works because look,

Jaye Wilson 19:05

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 19:05

It's working for us, then it's like, okay.

Breastfeeding, Stigma, And Policy Gaps

Jaye Wilson 19:09

Yeah. I'm actually glad you brought that up. When I first started thinking about how do we have this conversation around motherhood and HIV, I was at a conference several years ago in California and they were talking about breastfeeding. And they had this conversation around like all the different ways that you can access breast milk and who has access, access, access, access. But they got to a point where they were talking about who qualifies to receive human milk donation or you know, who who can qualify for it. And one of the contraindicated people were people living with HIV. And I was like, okay, that's weird. I have a question. If you're telling people who are living with HIV that they cannot breastfeed because you're concerned about transmission, which I understand, and we know that HIV is transmitted through breast milk. However, if they are U = U, why don't we have the, the science behind it to prove that they can either A breastfeed their own child or B be able to be a recipient of donated breast milk. Why are you telling them that they, they don't have any other option?

Lynette Trawick 20:22

Yeah. Yeah, they they, they just didn't take the time to do it.

Jaye Wilson 20:28

They literally told me it's not a priority right now.

Lynette Trawick 20:32

Exactly. Exactly. They didn't take yeah, they didn't take the time to do it because the research was done in other countries.

Jaye Wilson 20:37

Oh yeah.

Lynette Trawick 20:38

You know, it, it's shown in other countries, but it just wasn't a priority here.

Jaye Wilson 20:43

And, and I, I feel like for that, it changes the way that we are able to really educate people and it keeps them in the dark and thinking those very outdated, antiquated thoughts around what HIV status really is.

Lynette Trawick 20:57

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 20:58

You know.

Lynette Trawick 20:58

Absolutely. I, and I, I know on one of my, I'm, damn, trying to remember on my recent medication bottles if it still says it. But in the past, it would say in big bolt letters, if you were taking this medication, do not breastfeed. You know? So it's like it's stigma everywhere.

Jaye Wilson 21:16

Right.

Lynette Trawick 21:16

So now even if I had the thought to breastfeed, this medication says don't, so I better not.

Jaye Wilson 21:21

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 21:21

You know, so my, my last, my nine-year-old, uh, I, my, I had a, so my 17-year-old, I had a midwife with my 17-year-old. Beautiful experience. With my nine-year-old, I wanted the same experience. However, when I went to go and try to obtain a midwife, you know, do some interviews and things like that, they told me that I was not eligible for a midwife because I was considered high risk because of my HIV status. But I'm not high risk.

Jaye Wilson 21:49

Right.

Lynette Trawick 21:49

I don't, I don't understand. It's just HIV. I'm taking my medicine, I'm undetectable, I'm not high risk. They would not allow me that. And then breastfeeding wasn't even a thought.

Jaye Wilson 22:00

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 22:00

You know, because it was just, okay, so what formula are we using? But then I had to deal with after I gave birth, you know, that's one of the things that they advocate for is breastfeeding. So I'm looking at all these signs all over the place. Breast is best, you know, all of these things. And then after I had them, the nurses are coming in. Oh, are you breastfeeding? Are you breastfeeding? And I'm like, no. Oh, are you breastfed? No, I can't, you know, and to the point, and they kept asking, and I was so, I remember feeling so sad because I couldn't breastfeed my child. And this is something that I've done. I breastfed my other children.

Jaye Wilson 22:33

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 22:34

You know, now here's this one that I can't breastfeed. And I remember my husband had to go out in the hallway and talk to the nurses, like, please don't ask her that again. You should see in her chart that it says HIV and she can't breastfeed. And then years later, now women are able to breastfeed. So at times I still get sad, you know, like I wish I would have been able to push against, you know, push against what was being told to me and go ahead and breastfeed. But I'm also really excited for, you know, the new developments for breastfeeding. I have some really close friends who have breastfed as well successfully. You know, their children are now three, I think one of them is three years old now.

Jaye Wilson 23:16

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 23:16

You know, and you know, it's, it's just a beautiful thing. But it like I said, it also saddens me that I wasn't able to have the experience just because the technology just wasn't, you know, the research just wasn't done. It just wasn't a priority.

Jaye Wilson 23:30

Well, I, I think, yes, it definitely was, it wasn't on a lot of people's priorities in terms of whoever the powers that be. But I think it also, it goes to policies, right?

Lynette Trawick 23:41

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 23:42

So um getting into the advocacy conversation is really understanding how certain policies and advocacy efforts will either include or exclude people, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

Lynette Trawick 23:56

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 23:56

But when it comes to breastfeeding and and um criminalization, or not even just breastfeeding, but HIV and criminalization, knowing that breastfeeding is one of those spaces that was constantly being used against um, you know, women living with HIV who were parenting, right? So to see organizations like the Well Project, right, that's doing that work to really bring more light to the policies that are excluding the information that we do have, like U = U, and understanding like here is where the evidence base should lie. And then putting that pressure on our political figures and our clinicians to actually take the time to do it. We have 30 plus years of information about this, this disease. So if we know that, that, that breast is best, like you're saying, help me understand how do I give the best to my baby?

Speaker 24:53

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 24:54

How do I be, feel like I can be a whole mom to them and give them the experience that is very important to me and for them to grow up.

Lynette Trawick 25:03

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 25:03

But also validate my information.

Lynette Trawick 25:06

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 25:07

Validate my experience. See me as a whole person.

Lynette Trawick 25:10

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 25:10

Not just as the pieces of who you think I should be or how you think I should be.

Lynette Trawick 25:14

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 25:14

Right?

Lynette Trawick 25:15

Yeah. I think about like, you know, just that conversation was just so matter of fact.

Jaye Wilson 25:20

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 25:20

You know? Oh, yeah, you have, you have HIV, so you can't breastfeed. So anyway, next topic.

Jaye Wilson 25:24

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 25:25

You know, there was no space given to my emotions at all. You know, so even if it would have still been the same conclusion that I couldn't breastfeed, at least I could have had some kind of space to process something. It was just, no, then you know, you got HIV. No. So anyway, let's move on. Did you take your medicine? Like...

Birth Is An Experience, Not A Procedure

Jaye Wilson 25:44

You know who I would think would be a really good person to add to that conversation is a lactation consultant.

Lynette Trawick 25:48

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 25:49

So really like get them in on this and really ask, you know, how do you navigate these spaces with advocating for breastfeeding, knowing that people are being excluded from the conversation based on diagnoses?

Lynette Trawick 26:02

That's actually a future goal of mine is to be a lactation.

Jaye Wilson 26:05

Yeeeeeeesssss.

Lynette Trawick 26:05

Yeah. A lactation consultant, a lactation doula, a breastfeeding doula.

Jaye Wilson 26:09

Okay.

Lynette Trawick 26:10

So I'm currently a birth doula.

Jaye Wilson 26:11

Yes.

Lynette Trawick 26:12

So just, and that was actually a conversation that I brought up in my class was, so do a, I'm hearing a lot of things that you're saying. Does any of this differ when dealing with a mom living with HIV? And she was like, I, I've never, I don't know, I never had a mom living with HIV. And it was like, yeah, that may be something you need to look into because you guys, you're teaching us, and we, we need to know this information.

Jaye Wilson 26:36

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 26:37

You know, if, if things kind of differ. And one of the, I think one of the big things that we were talking about was um, you know, as, as an advocate and as, so as a doula, as a birth doula and as a woman living with HIV, I want people to understand, just, just, just in general, I want people to understand that giving birth is not a medical procedure.

Jaye Wilson 27:00

Yes, it is an experience.

Lynette Trawick 27:02

Right. Exactly. This is not a medical situation. We don't need to be in the hospital hooked up to tubes and wires and all of those kind of things. So my question to um my trainer when going through the doula services, it's like, okay, so where's the information as far as when we go to the doctor and we're ready to deliver? Actually, what I was told, my, so my son is nine, so I don't, I don't really know how much things have changed since then. But when I, when I was pregnant with my son, they told me the second that I went into labor. So as soon as my contraction started or my if my water broke, I had to go to the hospital, get hooked up to the IV to start receiving HIV medication. So...

Jaye Wilson 27:41

Oh, because the barrier's broken.

Lynette Trawick 27:43

Right. So now let's go ahead and get that medication in so we can make sure, you know, we uh have all, you know, everything taken care of. You took whatever you took through mouth, and we'll also do it by a IV. So when he gives, you know, when you give birth, we can decrease the chances as much as possible. Cool. That was, that was normalized in my head.

Jaye Wilson 28:00

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 28:00

But now hearing this information, you know, going through birth doula classes, okay, we're trying to do this whole natural experience, not hooking him up to any type of medication. How do the two of those...

Jaye Wilson 28:12

Go together?

Lynette Trawick 28:13

Yeah. She's like, I don't know. So I'm like...

Jaye Wilson 28:17

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 28:18

We need to know that because that's the population that I'll, you know, that I'll be serve, that I'll be uh serving.

Jaye Wilson 28:23

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 28:24

Is moms living with HIV.

Jaye Wilson 28:26

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 28:26

Who want a doula.

Jaye Wilson 28:28

Yeah. And that's important. Like, I think hearing that it's shining a light. That's what I was trying to say earlier. It's shining a light.

Lynette Trawick 28:37

Yes.

Jaye Wilson 28:38

It is shining a light on those areas that people don't think about. Right? Because they're just looking at this traditional pathway. All you need is this, all you can do is that, right? But like we're so unique. We are so unique, and there's so many different complex things that can happen. And we need to know how do we lean into, and I, I really do want to ask you more about how you got into the um the space of being a doula and going into birth work. Um, but how do we ask you to be my support, to be my advocate, to understand what my best interests are, if you're not including all of my diagnoses that can impact my birth.

Lynette Trawick 29:15

Yeah, absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 29:16

Oh, that's so real.

Lynette Trawick 29:17

Yeah. And, and and that was exactly when I decided to get into birth work was after my experience with my son, not being able to get a midwife, because at the time I didn't even know what a doula was. I had never heard of it. Um, so that was about 10 years ago. I had never even heard of a doula. Someone invited me to a uh to speak at a workshop.

Jaye Wilson 29:39

Okay.

Lynette Trawick 29:39

And just share my experiences as a mom, giving birth. That was it. And a couple women got up and said, Hi, I'm a doula, and this is what I do. I was like, wow, that's awesome. I'm gonna do that. I wanna do that. Like I heard of a midwife and I know what that is, but I want to be a doula. And I want to be a doula specifically for women living with HIV.

Jaye Wilson 30:00

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 30:00

You know, because they, they, we need that support.

Jaye Wilson 30:03

Yeah.

Entering Birth Work And Doula Advocacy

Lynette Trawick 30:03

You know, we, we need that very specific support to where we're not feeling like we're, we're being bullied in, in the, in the birthroom.

Jaye Wilson 30:10

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 30:11

You know, I wanna support them support them through breastfeeding, you know, I want to support them through the baby latching on. I want to support them through any kind of stigma that may be occurring, you know, happening in the room. Or if they don't want the medication. If it's not necessary, okay, they don't want the medication. You know, are they undetectable? Okay, cool. Then they don't need the IV. They want to be able to walk around. I want to help them advocate for all of those things. So that's what made me get into birth work.

Jaye Wilson 30:37

I love that. I love that. Um, so I don't know if I told you, but um my background is nursing. So I've been a nurse for 100,000 seven thousand four hundred and thirty-three years, right?

Lynette Trawick 30:47

And two minutes.

Jaye Wilson 30:48

And two minutes. And the majority of my nursing career, I actually worked for a community health center in New York City that specializes in HIV. And I loved it. I loved working there. It was everything. Like I felt like it was the land of Oz, right? But one of the things that I noticed, what it wasn't until I had my kids, is there was no space for motherhood or parenthood at the intersections of the care that we provided. So as we started to do more services and serve patients and all the things, we had an influx of parents or individuals who wanted to become parents. So some of them were same-sex couples, some of them were trans. But, you know, they were asking, like, is there other ways that we can become pregnant? Um, so we'd started doing alternative insemination. We started really working with other hospitals to have these conversations. And we saw the stigma around their sexuality, saw the stigma around, you know, who their partners were and how they will be involved, right? But we didn't talk about the intersections of HIV and what their parenting experience would be.

Lynette Trawick 31:59

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 31:59

You know, so I think we're gonna put this on the list.

Lynette Trawick 32:02

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 32:03

I think this is a another space that we can definitely dive into as some really great conversations around, you know, how do you gain those areas of support where these things intersect in those spaces that already have trusted relationships with patients, right? So those same individuals could have gone anywhere to get alternative insemination, right? But they came to our clinic specifically because they had a trusting relationship, they felt the strength in their vulnerability, and they also they felt like they were seen as a whole person.

Lynette Trawick 32:36

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 32:37

Right. So give them all of that information, right? So you coming in as a birth doula who is specializing in people living with HIV who want to have this experience and want to understand how do I navigate this with all of these other things, I think will be so powerful. Oh my God. Like I'm on fire right now.

Lynette Trawick 32:57

I'm excited to do it.

Jaye Wilson 32:58

Yes, yes, we're gonna, we're gonna make that happen.

Lynette Trawick 33:00

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 33:01

We gots to make that happen.

Lynette Trawick 33:02

Yeah, so I'm, I'm, I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm, I'm two, I've done two births, so I had two out of my three births that I have to give for the actual certification. So I'm excited. I'm excited.

Jaye Wilson 33:13

Oh my gosh.

Lynette Trawick 33:14

So yeah. And you know what? Just to kind of go back a little bit, there was, there was also a question that came up in my mind too. So we women who, or people who are looking to become parents and are of that age, you know, that, that childbearing age, why are we putting them on medication that it could be harmful for childbirth or harmful for pregnancy? Right? So if I want to become pregnant, I have to go and have a conversation with my doctor about, hey, guess what? I think I'm ready to become pregnant now.

Jaye Wilson 33:48

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 33:49

But really, how many of us are actually doing that?

Jaye Wilson 33:51

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 33:52

So what if, you know, I'm taking this medication that's harmful for pregnancy and I find out that I'm pregnant and I'm, I'm two months along.

Jaye Wilson 34:01

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 34:01

You know, what damage has been done because I've been taking this medicine that I probably shouldn't have been taking, because you didn't even ask if I'm using any kind of protections to not get pregnant.

Jaye Wilson 34:14

Right.

Lynette Trawick 34:14

You know?

Jaye Wilson 34:15

So I think it's two stigmas that you're identifying, right? So the first one is um your clinician isn't considering your family planning options. Right. So they're like, we don't have to ask you, do you want to have kids? You're living with HIV. I'm deciding that you don't want to, right? And then the second thing is actually calling out these medication companies and saying, are you actually testing this to make sure that the efficacy is not just to reduce or eliminate the risk of HIV, but also to maintain reproductive opportunities, right? And not just with women.

Lynette Trawick 34:51

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 34:52

Right.

Lynette Trawick 34:52

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 34:52

Um, because there is also studies that, that talk about the impact of sperm and the way that that also influences the pregnancy, right? It's not just, you're not just giving me your cells.

Lynette Trawick 35:03

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 35:03

Like you're giving me all parts of your DNA, you know. And if you're taking certain medications, if you're using drugs, if you're drinking, if you do, if you're not living a healthy lifestyle, either party, it can have an impact on the way that that pregnancy and that birth and that child's life outcome can be.

Reproductive Planning And Medication Risks

Lynette Trawick 35:19

Absolutely. And it, and it's all of it. You know, when we're, when we're looking at those side effects of the medications, for one of the, for the medication that I take, one of the side effects is weight gain. Are we talking about nutrition?

Jaye Wilson 35:30

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 35:30

You know, can you partner me with a nutritionist because now, okay, I'm dealing with HIV, I'm taking this medication, but now I'm gaining weight, which is enhancing my depression that I'm already dealing with, you know, which is in turn making me not want to even deal with my kids when I go home because I just want to go in my room and isolate myself.

Jaye Wilson 35:49

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 35:50

All because of HIV. That's, that's the intersection of HIV and momming, right?

Jaye Wilson 35:55

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 35:56

Because it's like, but, but we're not looking at all of these different things. So, you know, one, another one of the side effects of one of the medications is it's impacting, is increasing your blood sugar. Right? So now I'm taking this medication, my blood sugar may increase, so now I may become diabetic, but we weren't talking about that with that being one of the side effects.

Jaye Wilson 36:14

Right, right.

Lynette Trawick 36:15

You know?

Jaye Wilson 36:16

Or even if you do become pregnant, are you at a higher risk of gestational diabetes?

Lynette Trawick 36:20

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 36:21

Are these things?

Lynette Trawick 36:22

Because that's the medication that you can take.

Jaye Wilson 36:23

Exactly.

Lynette Trawick 36:24

So those are, those are like you said, it's not, I think that sometimes it's not even that they're intentionally excluding, excluding it from the conversation. It's just that they're not intentionally including it.

Jaye Wilson 36:36

Yeah.

Lynette Trawick 36:37

You know? So it's like they're not even, it's not even a thought. Right. Here, this is the medicine that'll be best for your type of HIV. Go ahead and take it.

Jaye Wilson 36:44

Right. Right.

Lynette Trawick 36:45

No other questions along with it. Are you taking medication on time? Cool. That's all we need to know.

Jaye Wilson 36:49

Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad we were able to talk about undetectable care and resources for people living with HIV and the value of good partnership. Lynette highlighted how her and her husband lead by example as a serial discordant couple, encouraging communication with your partner about your status, building trust, understanding, and confidence in relationships. I think these are great foundational concepts for every relationship. Make sure you tap in for part three, our final part of this conversation, where we talk about self-care, submission, and stigma. Melinated Mommy Talks the podcast is your place for authentic and raw conversations about what it means to be a Melinated Mom. So make sure to subscribe on all of the platforms where you listen to your favorite podcast. Make sure to like and share. And if you want to continue seeing our podcast grow, make sure to become a paid subscriber for exclusive bonus content or become a donating listening supporter. If you're interested in becoming an individual or corporate sponsor of this podcast, go to melinated moms.com/podcast for more information. We can't wait to have you with us in our next episode. So keep listening, stay connected, and stay tapped in.