S1E12 "Turning Teen Pregnancy Into Purposeful Doula Work" w/ Chéna Benson-Davis Pt 1

“Who’s going to help you take care of this baby?” That question can sound small, but it can hit like a brick when you’re 19, pregnant, and trying to prove you belong in a space that already doubts you. We sit down with Chéy Davis, owner of Butta Holistic Doula Services, to talk about what teen pregnancy really feels like when you’re a melanated mom balancing college, family expectations, and the stigma that follows young parents into exam rooms.

Chéy shares how she tried to make everything “picture perfect” by picking the best OB and hospital, only to realize that planning doesn’t automatically equal support. We unpack how clinical bias and judgment can creep into prenatal care, why it’s so easy to leave appointments feeling shaken, and how a full spectrum doula can help you prep for tough questions, build backup plans, and stay grounded in your own choices around labor, induction, and pain management. If you care about Black maternal health, birth advocacy, and culturally responsive care, this conversation names what many people experience but rarely say out loud.

We also go deeper into family dynamics and the generational weight that teen motherhood can bring. Chéy reflects on how elders may react from fear and self-reflection, and why “trust the process” isn’t just a cute line, it’s a survival skill. And the partner piece matters: Chéy tells a powerful story about her husband showing up early and consistently, reminding us that father involvement in pregnancy and postpartum should never be treated like a footnote.

Come listen, then share this with someone who needs a reminder that support can change the whole story. Subscribe, leave a review, and send us your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Season Theme And Teen Pregnancy

Jaye Wilson 0:16

Hey girl, hey, it's your girl Jaye. Welcome to another episode of Melinated Mommy Talks the podcast, where we are talking about and exploring all things within the Melinated Moms spectrum. Momming in the margins is the theme of the season, and one of the most common margins that so many of us fit into is teen pregnancy. Teen pregnancy is viewed in so many ways, from the good to the bad to the ugly to the beautiful. And there are so many varying circumstances that can lead to the moment of finding out you're pregnant while you are a teen. In this episode, we're going to talk about becoming a teen mom towards the later years of the teenage range. And if we want to learn about turning experience into expertise and passion into purpose when it comes to teen pregnancy, then there is no one better for us to talk to and hear from other than the amazing Chéy Davis herself. Chéy Davis, owner of Butta, the Holistic Doula Services, is a holistic living specialist and full spectrum doula, serving the communities of Bergen, Essex, Middlesex, and Passaic Counties in New Jersey and New York City. A wife and a mother of three, Chéy's journey into motherhood began at 19, and she knows full well what it meant to confront the fear, shame, and stigma associated with becoming pregnant at that age. This is part one of two of our conversation with Chéy. And I promise you, you don't want to miss out on all the gems Chéy is going to sprinkle all over us. So go ahead and pull up your metaphorical seat, tap in, and enjoy part one of our conversation with Chéy Davis.

Meet Chéy Davis The Holistic Doula

Jaye Wilson 2:43

Listen, that's all we can do sometimes. You know, all you can do is what you're doing.

Chéy Davis 2:46

Right.

Jaye Wilson 2:47

I am so happy and excited to bring you here and to have you on Melinated Mommy Talks the podcast. Oh my God, we have so much to talk about. You have been a part of Melinated Moms since its inception. So I feel that all of our journeys is like the same. Like we, we've come together. And I'm really excited to really dive into this topic where we're talking about an area that can sometimes be stigmatized, but I think we should welcome more information and insight. So I'm really excited that you're willing to share your story and really be that, you know, that, that beautiful bridge so that more moms can know that there is support in every season of motherhood.

Chéy Davis 3:31

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 3:32

So before we get into all of our spiel, I would love for you to tell us who you are. Who is Chéy Bey.

Chéy Davis 3:39

All right. Chéy Bey here. Um so Chéna Benson Davis. I am the owner of Butta's Holistic Services, the full spectrum doula, serving Northern Jersey, New York City, and all about community. I think that's where we even aligned with each other. Um when I started my business, and I'm like, I'm looking for more moms in my community, more moms that look like me, more moms that I can support and let them know that that care and that help is out there.

Jaye Wilson 4:08

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 4:08

Melinated Moms, literally. I was like, that's me. That's exactly what I'm looking for. And so our journeys have, they have been pretty adjacent to each other as we've been moving forward in these spaces. So yeah, just your friendly community doula here. And also mentor, you know, herbalist.

Jaye Wilson 4:31

Dope ass mama.

Chéy Davis 4:33

Oh, thank you.

Jaye Wilson 4:34

Yes, yes, yes.

Chéy Davis 4:35

Oh, do you think so?

Jaye Wilson 4:36

Listen, the kids is living and breathing and kicking.

Chéy Davis 4:39

There we go.

Jaye Wilson 4:39

That's, I mean, that's 90% of the job.

Chéy Davis 4:41

Right.

Jaye Wilson 4:41

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 4:42

Agreed.

Jaye Wilson 4:43

Yeah. I mean, there's so many things though. You know, I think when we are moms, we live in modesty because there's so many hats that you wear, right? So once you add on business owner and doula and mentor and inspirational badass, it can sometimes get clouded by all of the other noise that you're trying to quiet, right? But today, I want to talk more about what your journey looked like into motherhood and, you know, how that was a part of your inspiration to even become

Pregnant At 19 While In College

Jaye Wilson 5:15

a doula. So tell me more about it.

Chéy Davis 5:17

All right. So I often get the question everybody asks. And I feel like most doulas share the same story, but still everybody's story is unique to them. But when you're sitting with a client and they ask, Well, why did you decide to become a doula? Right. And you're like, Oh, it's usually my first birth experience. Um, and so that can be whatever it is. But um, that is why I became a doula. And so my birth experience, my first birth experience, um, started at the ripe age of 19.

Jaye Wilson 5:47

Okay.

Chéy Davis 5:47

So um I was a sophomore in college. Me and my cute little boyfriend was just, you know, being boyfriend and girlfriend. And um, we found out we were pregnant. And so that is where it started. And for one, I was in college. I am a, you know, Caribbean-raised family. My family is from Guyana, um, my mom's side of the family, so maternal side from Guyana. And so motherhood alone comes with a lot of fluff and words and things that I'm sure we are, we're gonna dive into today. But when I shared that information, even before I shared it, I was like, I have to have it all together. Because if we're gonna go to my family and say that, one, I'm pregnant, two, we're keeping this baby, we're moving forward with all of this, we really have to have it all figured out.

Jaye Wilson 6:38

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 6:38

Um, and so my husband and I were like, yeah, we're gonna figure it out. So not only did I tell my family, hey, I'm pregnant, having a baby, um, but also I'm marrying this man that I'm sitting next to, and we are planning to start our life together. And so the journey started with me getting all of my information together because I wanted to make sure that when I presented what pregnancy was gonna look like for me to my family, it had to be picture perfect. That I had everything together. And so um, it started with me getting all the resources. I picked who I thought was the best OB. I chose the best hospital. I was like, we're not gonna do this any rinky dink kind of way. There's a certain standard that my family is going to look for as well. Um, and so in my mind, I was like, okay, we did it all right. Right. And so even with that, I remember that first appointment when I went to see this OB and she had this beautiful office. Um, and I went in there and she was like, she looked at me, she looked at my husband, and she said, Um, who's gonna help you guys to take care of this baby?

Jaye Wilson 7:44

Oh.

Chéy Davis 7:44

And I'm like, oh, well, you know, I have family that is going to be supportive, I guess, but like we're gonna have it figured out. And she just looked and she was like, Yeah, okay. Sounds good. Um, and I still dissect that to this day. What she meant by it. Was she just like an overly concerned OB? Were these questions that were standard questions that she was supposed to ask? Was she genuinely curious? Was she thinking, oh, they don't have it together at all? Like, I still can't quite say what her idea was when she brought these questions to us, but it made us think, of course. Um, and so I went through my first birth experience. I stuck with her as an OBGYN, I kept her informed. She kept me as informed as I needed to be. And then when the labor time came, um I had a decent experience. It was an induction. Um, my baby was healthy, I was healthy, there were no like major concerns. But at the end of the experience, I felt like with all of the planning that I did, it was not together. Like it, once I went into the hospital, once I was there, I didn't feel supported. I didn't feel like I knew anything, and there was no person to kind of advise me in the right direction. My OB was like, Well, you're here, you're gonna lay down, you're gonna have a baby. And that's how it goes. You're gonna get this epidural and you're gonna have this baby. And that wasn't my plan necessarily. Um, so at the end of the experience, I just felt like I didn't get to be present for the experience because I was so busy trying to make sure that it was all together and like make it make sense without the help. Um, and so that made me want to be that resource person and that word, you know, give those extra words of advice and those extra tidbits to some moms who were gonna be going through the same experience that I was. And so that is the ultimate start of my journey. And then for a full circle moment, I did end up uh supporting teens in a teen mom home as my first role as being a doula. So that was really how my journey started.

Jaye Wilson 9:49

Okay. I mean, I know this story, but I feel like I learned so much more every time I hear it. So I appreciate you for sharing this, of course. Now I have questions, right? So a bunch of things stood out to me that I heard. Um, the first was the way that you and your husband prepared for the preparation, right? So it was understanding who you have to explain all of these things to and preparing yourselves for their reaction and you know, all of the questions that you know were gonna come from that, almost as if they want you to validate that this is a decision that you can stand behind. So, Chéy right now, if Chéy right now could talk to 19-year-old Chéy, is there anything that you would tell her to be more prepared for that preparation time?

Chéy Davis 10:45

I think I would tell her what I tell a lot of my clients. Trust the process, trust the journey. You know, we think about age and we think about stages of life and where you need to be to say that you can be a successful mom or a successful family unit. But at the end of the day, it's really heart's work. It's really just like trusting your instinct, trusting your gut, trusting that you have what it takes to be a mom and to lead a family and be, you know, the maternal person in your space. So it's it's way more than having resources together. That absolutely, but you have to trust that you're gonna make the decisions necessary with the resources that you're given as well. And so I would just tell myself to like trust the process. You, I definitely thought I had it together, and in retrospect, I did. Um, but I didn't believe that I did as I was walking through the journey. So I would just remind myself of that.

Jaye Wilson 11:38

I love that. I think when I'm hearing that, I'm also thinking about how our elders, the people who raised us, are now picturing the way that they raised you and reflecting on did I do a good job? Did I not do a good job? Did I set the right example? Did you feel any of that judgment or um did any of those thoughts kind of cross your mind?

Chéy Davis 12:02

Yes, but you have to become the elder to even see where the energy was coming from in the times like that. Because I talk about this often when a girl becomes a young woman, when a young woman becomes a mother, like she is stepping into a role that the woman before her has done and has probably tried their best to hold together. Right. And so often they look at what their daughter is doing as a reflection of what they provided for her.

Jaye Wilson 12:36

Right.

Chéy Davis 12:37

So I definitely was met with panic. I didn't see it as panic at the time. I was met with fear. I was met with uh just like she, she was terrified, is what it ultimately was at the end of the day. But what it came across to me was

When Prenatal Care Feels Judgmental

Chéy Davis 12:55

uh anger, dislike, disdain. Like it was a really rough time in terms of just like conversation between myself and my mother, and then myself and my grandmother, because now we were looking at a chain of women and what they thought they did for their child.

Jaye Wilson 13:12

Right.

Chéy Davis 13:12

That now their child is doing, and it's like that's not what I wanted for you.

Jaye Wilson 13:16

Right.

Chéy Davis 13:17

Right. And so my mom was a teen when she had me. She was pregnant at 17.

Jaye Wilson 13:22

Okay.

Chéy Davis 13:23

Um, she had me, and I, I have little glimpses of my childhood, and I'm like, I was definitely raised by like a young mom. But when you're a child, you don't think those things. But you know, my mom's graduation photo from high school is her sitting on the phone in her gown, talking to someone, and I'm on her lap. And my grandmother's like, yeah, she walked up the aisle with you. I have vivid memories of me going to college with my mom, sitting in a class with her at uh East Orange College.

Jaye Wilson 13:53

Okay.

Chéy Davis 13:53

East Orange Community College. I remember, like, I know the campus and I saw it later in life, and I was like, I remember when I used to be here. So she was definitely um kind of floored when I told her I was pregnant and terrified. And if I was to think back about what she went through, I can understand the fear. But in the moment, I was like, ma'am, you are losing it.

Jaye Wilson 14:16

Right, right.

Chéy Davis 14:16

Yeah. So it was, it was definitely rough for the, really for the first eight months of my pregnancy. Like things didn't kind of clear up and become easier until like right before I was having my baby.

Jaye Wilson 14:30

Wow. Yeah. And I can imagine, like, you know, all of these preparation um moments as a parent. And I think I talk to, you know, we talk to moms all the time, and we'll have that reflection where they're like, you know, there were so many things my, my mom or whoever raised me said to me that I just didn't understand until I became the actual parent.

Chéy Davis 14:53

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 14:53

So I can imagine like maybe those were some of the things that were going through their head. However, you said something really interesting that I really actually love. Um, your mom led through example to show you that her age didn't stop her progress. And you actually have memories of being in these very pivotal milestone places with her as she was maturing and learning who she was and and still owning her motherhood, right? So in turn, I think, I mean, no one can be prepared as as much as we we really want, right? But I think what she didn't realize that she was doing, she was actually showing you that, you, she, she taught you how to be prepared for all of this. So whenever your motherhood decided to show up at your door, you were you were set. You understood what can happen, you knew what a a strong woman looked like, you knew what a capable woman looked like, and you knew that no matter what age she was, the support was there, right? So I can understand, like, okay, disappointment, sure, but this is uh collective. Like we are collectively raising this child, and you guys have shown me how to do that by raising me.

Chéy Davis 16:08

Yeah,

Jaye Wilson 16:08

You know, so you show me that it's possible. Um and I love that. I love that. Taking a little bit of a deeper dive with that, I want to talk about the OB. So when you said that she asked you the question, well, who's gonna take care of this baby? I, I think this happens a lot, not just to teen or young moms, but to moms who look like us, right? So whether you have a six-figure salary or you work at McDonald's, these questions are showing up in our appointments and it, it casts a lot of doubt into what you think you can or cannot be capable of, right? So in turn, of when you talk to your moms that you are supporting, young and the like.

Chéy Davis 16:53

Right.

Jaye Wilson 16:54

Throughout the the childbearing age. How do you help to, how do you help them navigate that moment when they're going to this trusted professional to navigate them into this uncertain territory, but remove the, the doubt that can come with you know the clinician's judgment?

Chéy Davis 17:16

Yeah. Um I let them know one, we have the resources. I am very thorough with my clients. We are going to talk about all of the things. And I always say, don't be afraid to call me if you're in the office and something just doesn't feel right for you, right? If there's a question that you can't answer, if there's something that you were just like, I am not prepared for this, uh I'm a good talker. Call me. We can make it seem like you're prepared and we can talk about it afterwards. But I do think that often it's, clinicians have the questions.

Jaye Wilson 17:50

Right.

Chéy Davis 17:50

They have to ask certain things. And depending on the age, you know, the not even the age, but the state, state of mind that the mom is in, some of those questions can be well received, and some of those can make them have a very deep, just like moment of introspection

Trusting Yourself Through Family Fear

Chéy Davis 18:05

where they're like, oh, well, how am I going to do these things? Right. You never know what's going to kind of trigger a mom. So even before, I try to get my clients as early as I can. So even before they're sitting down to kind of answer the harder questions, let's talk about them. Right. And let's talk about what makes sense. And let's talk about what I've seen, let's talk about what you've seen, and we can kind of put it all together to create a plan for you. So we'll have plan A, plan B, plan C. And if you really feel shaken up by a question while you're in that office, call me. Right. And we can talk about it right then and there. So there's definitely gonna be moments where a mama is just gonna be like, I can't believe that and I didn't think about that. And they said this, and how am I gonna do this? Don't worry about it. We can talk about it after, but try not to take the things that they're saying with such heaviness.

Jaye Wilson 18:56

Right.

Chéy Davis 18:56

You know, take it, dissect it, digest it a little bit, and we'll talk about it later. So nothing has to be decided right there in that moment. And that's all across the board in pregnancy and labor. You don't have to decide, I must do this right now, even if it seems like there's pressure to make a decision or to have it all figured out. You're not going to. And we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Jaye Wilson 19:18

I like that. I like that. Now, when going through your pregnancy, all of them, how did you get your husband involved?

Chéy Davis 19:25

One of my favorites, even though it's uh it's a little sad, one of my favorite stories of my husband is when we called my mom. So I was living here in New Jersey with my grandmother because I came here for college. My mom was still in St. Croix.

Jaye Wilson 19:43

Okay.

Chéy Davis 19:44

And so my husband had never met my mom. And her hearing that I was pregnant was not from him. It was, you know, through family and friends. Like, yeah, it wasn't even from me, to be honest. And that's another part of the story. So she got this information. She went through her line of emotions. And then the next question was like, who even is this guy? She's like, It's this boy you've been kissing on Facebook. And I'm like, Yes, that's my boyfriend. Right. And at this point, we were almost together a year. So I'm like, yes, it's him. But you know, for somebody who's on the outside looking in, checking in, sometimes like, we're not talking about boyfriend and stuff like that. It's just like, I see you and that little boy, and you leave it at that, right? And so once I was pregnant, I was like, you don't know my mom.

Jaye Wilson 20:30

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 20:31

And I'm not saying that because I'm like, you really need to get to know her, but I'm saying that because she's a scary lady. Okay. That's a scary lady. And I'm like, you've only met my grandmother, who is very mild-tempered in comparison. And I'm like, me being pregnant is a big deal. I am the first born of the family. My mom was a teen mom. Like, there's going to be a lot there to unpack. And my husband, I don't know, Jaye, that you ever really met and like spoke to him. He's a very mild-tempered himself.

Jaye Wilson 21:02

Very much in passing. Cool guy. Yeah, yeah. He'd be like, hey,

Chéy Davis 21:05

Right.

Jaye Wilson 21:05

Okay. All right.

Chéy Davis 21:06

Exactly. Very chill. And he's the kind of person who's like, oh, we're gonna do, you know, what we do. We're gonna go with the flow. We're gonna see how this works. And I was just like, I don't think you're ready for this conversation. And he was like, get her on the phone. Like, let's just get it over with. Call her up. We get to my house, we sit on the couch, my grandmother calls her because she had to be the buffer to be like, hey, and my mom took off. She's like, Who the F do you think you are? Do you know who you just impregnated? She's like, that is my child. And this, like, she took off on this. All I could do was clutch my pearls and my stomach and just be like, oh my gosh.

Jaye Wilson 21:44

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 21:45

And very calmly he sat there and he was like, You don't have to worry about her. He's like, She's my, she's my worry and my concern. He's like, I'll do whatever I have to do for my family.

Jaye Wilson 21:54

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 21:55

And she was just like, Well, do you know who I am? And he was like, we'll get to know each other, I'm sure. And I was in tears because I was terrified. And the way she was talking to him, I'm like, she's about to chase this man away. He is going to head for the hills because he's going to be like, who is this crazy lady?

Jaye Wilson 22:15

Yeah, yeah.

Chéy Davis 22:16

And I'm sitting there crying and sobbing. I don't cry, but I was sobbing. And he just held my hand and he's talking to her for me. And he's like, We're going to be taken care of. I will give her whatever she needs. And he's saying all of this as he's

How A Doula Helps In The Doctor’s Office

Chéy Davis 22:30

crying.

Jaye Wilson 22:30

Right.

Chéy Davis 22:31

Like, I think in that moment it hit him too, just like how much this is about to change our lives. Before it was like a cute little conversation, but no, our lives are really about to change. And our community isn't even ready to be involved yet. So I'm like, this is ri, this is us. And he was holding my hand and he's like, This is us.

Jaye Wilson 22:50

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 22:50

And for me, I'm like, anytime I'm mad at him, I think of that moment.

Jaye Wilson 22:55

You held my hand.

Chéy Davis 22:57

Right. He did, because he held my hand. I was never the type that was able to, you know, I'm scared of my mom. She's a scary lady. Okay. Um, so for me to be able to talk up and to say, I've never gotten a word into my mom. I've never had really had like an in-depth conversation. And so for this to be the first one, and I'm there like dying. My husband is like so calm and cool and collected, and he's like, we got it from here.

Jaye Wilson 23:22

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 23:23

And I remind him of that too in the moments where it seemed hard. I'm like, you were sitting there, he was 22. You were sitting there saying we got it before you even thought that we have it. So...

Jaye Wilson 23:36

He was manifesting.

Chéy Davis 23:37

Right.

Jaye Wilson 23:38

That's what that was.

Chéy Davis 23:39

Have it. Here we are. And so we went through each and every pregnancy. We've gone through each and every journey of our marriage and our life, because that was the other shoe, right? Not only were we pregnant, but she's like, and so what do you plan to do for my daughter? He's like, I plan to marry her.

Jaye Wilson 23:56

What?

Chéy Davis 23:57

And how are you gonna do that? Right, right. So he had to be quick on his toes. And he has, he was and he has been ever since then. And I think that for him, I don't have to remind him much. I don't have to like pull him in to be involved. He's just like, I have to show up for my family because we started off, you know, like I know where it could have gone, and we locked in together and we decided from very early that we were gonna figure this all out together.

Jaye Wilson 24:26

I love that.

Chéy Davis 24:27

There's no coping out. So he's been a hundred and twenty thousand percent in my corner for every journey of my life. And even in doing doula work, I often get the question too, like, how do you do that while married? You know, what does your husband think of that? And I'm like, I can do this because of my husband. I wouldn't be able to.

Jaye Wilson 24:48

Listen. We love a good husband.

Chéy Davis 24:50

We love a good husband.

Jaye Wilson 24:52

We love a good husband.

Chéy Davis 24:53

Important, importante. So yeah, it's it's definitely because of him and him being who he is. And so sometimes I wish I had better advice for moms who are like, How did you? And I'm like, there just has to be something in the man's life and their mindset and their being that just triggers for them to say, I have to show up in this way. Um, and so that has been him.

Jaye Wilson 25:20

I love that.

Chéy Davis 25:21

Grateful.

Jaye Wilson 25:22

I, I absolutely love that. I, I bring that up because I think when we're talking about maternal health, not I think, anytime we have conversations about maternal health, having a man involved or the father involved, it's usually a footnote. And I really want to shift that dynamic. Even if the relationship status is different, involving a father in this whole dynamic makes a huge difference, right? From birth

Partner Support And The Scary Mom Call

Jaye Wilson 25:50

and beyond. We need to have more men who are aware and present of all of the pieces, not just when the baby is born, but here's all the transitions that this woman is going through. That is also a part of me. Right. So I ask that because I, I really, I really want more men and fathers to take heed at what it really takes to be a part of the entire process, not just bits and pieces, right? Pregnancy is not just a random window of time, it is a whole transition in your mind, your body, your spirit, your body again. Right.

Chéy Davis 26:26

Mind again.

Jaye Wilson 26:27

Your mind again.

Chéy Davis 26:28

Yes.

Jaye Wilson 26:29

Um, and it it does take a huge toll on what responsibility looks like as individuals, but also as a partnership.

Chéy Davis 26:36

Yes.

Jaye Wilson 26:36

Right. So when we think about that also in the, in the framework of being a teenager, um, or still, you know, being a young person, a young adult, that can seem very scary. Um, and it also can be hard to explain to another teen, right? Like we've been teenagers before. I know when I was 15, 16, 17, you couldn't tell me nothing. I was in love. I, my man ain't gonna do nothing. I don't, it's gonna be it is, and we're gonna have kids, they're gonna look like this and they're gonna have freckles. Like it was so many things that was just like that was the forefront. But the responsibility of parenting, the body changes, the the traumatic experiences that have, you know, been a part of my own pregnancy journey, um, that makes it like just a heavy thing to, to carry.

Chéy Davis 27:23

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 27:23

But adding the dynamics of being a, a teenager who is transitioning from being somebody's child to being somebody's mother, that can look very different.

Chéy Davis 27:34

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 27:35

Yeah. What we're, why we are talking about this is not just to put the information out and talk about what resources are necessary, but it's really to identify how teen parenthood is considered a margin, right? It is a, it's definitely not a, as welcomed space for someone to start their journey into parenthood. Um so I really want to dive into why do you think that is? Like outside of what I'll say is the obvious of you're still a kid, right? But what are the reasons that teen parenthood is, is really considered a margin of motherhood?

Chéy Davis 28:18

Yeah. I mean, if I could reflect on it, I really think.

Chéy Davis 28:24 Jaye Wilson 28:24

You can.

Chéy Davis 28:26

I think it became a margin because of the women who went through it because it wasn't too long ago that teen moms were the norm, right? Girls were getting married, and even that was kind of my argument. I was like, I'm sure our great grandparents got married when they were this age. Like, I'm grown, kind of sort of, a little bit.

Jaye Wilson 28:51

Right.

Chéy Davis 28:52

Um, but you know, what we learned through history in these teen pregnancies is there had been, you know, the, the, the issues are more um are more shown than the, the successes, right? It's you had to, you were strong because you had to be. You were successful because you had to be. You didn't have the moment to like find yourself and figure it out and and do all of those things that are more normalized now, because if we're looking at the state of uh maternal care and you know, maternity now in the US, women are waiting until way later to have children.

Jaye Wilson 29:30

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 29:30

And I don't think that it was a negative space to be in, to have these younger moms, but it must have been a harder space for these young moms to be in because what it meant to have kids was that you had to be tied down, and I'm using air quotes, to a man. You had to um compromise something, sacrifice education, sacrifice this. And now women are like, no, we want to get it, we want to have everything prepared and ready first, or maybe we don't want a man. We don't, so societal norms, I think, have pushed it into this is now. It's it's a margin, like, mm-mm, teens pregnant, that sounds terrible.

Jaye Wilson 30:11

Right.

Chéy Davis 30:11

How are they able to do that? Because here we are, we have grown adult women who are still trying to figure it out and get it together on their own. But if we think of where it came from, that's, there was a time where there was more community. And so there were success stories, they just weren't talked about. And we reflected more on the harder parts because you know, motherhood is an easy period. And then...

Jaye Wilson 30:34

R ight.

Chéy Davis 30:35

Not being easy and being young is difficult, extremely difficult.

Jaye Wilson 30:40

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 30:41

So yeah.

Jaye Wilson 30:41

Yeah. And I agree. I think like when we look at how motherhood in itself is marginalized, and then you add age and you add life experiences, and you add what capacity actually looks like. A 35-year-old woman versus a 15-year-old young woman, the, the, their capacity looks real different, right? Their priorities also look very different. And the way that they're able to adjust or step up to the plate may look very different, right? So what I think comes to mind with a lot of people is just the sheer limitations that are attached to that person's age. But when it comes to parenting, your limitations are even more limited, right? You don't always have the means to to get from point A to point B. You don't also, you may not also have the life experience to understand how to navigate spaces that someone else is navigating for you.

Chéy Davis 31:47

Right.

Jaye Wilson 31:47

Right. So telling a teen, you are now responsible for doctor's appointments and diapers and milk, and you still have to go to school. Like these things can't drop just because you are now a parent. And that can be overwhelming. It's overwhelming for well-prepared however people, right? But as a

Why Teen Parenthood Gets Marginalized

Jaye Wilson 32:10

teen, I think there's also like that invincibility complex that teens also have, right? So like, I can do anything.

Chéy Davis 32:16

This can't break me.

Jaye Wilson 32:17

I'm gonna sleep 10 hours a day and my kid is gonna eat broccoli, you know, and all of the things, right? And while it may make sense in, in their mind, um being hit with that reality can be very jarring, right? But I think there's also it's also coupled with the um what is the word I'm looking for? It can be coupled with what is the opposite of reassurance? The uncertainty.

Chéy Davis 32:45

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 32:46

The uncertainty that families have on your ability to have capacity for the things that you don't know that you're going to experience as a parent. Right. And I think that is where that marginalization comes in at. And as a teen, teens' main goal is to be like, I'm ma prove to you, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. And that's great motivation, but it's it's very difficult to maintain for the rest of your life.

Chéy Davis 33:14

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 33:14

Right. Especially if you're not prepared for all of these steps. Um, but again, I, I love your story and the way that you were able to not combat your mom, but collectively give her like, well, mom, you actually were the example to let me know that this is possible. And XYZ let me know that I am actually prepared in a way that you may not have thought I was gonna do it now, but I know how to apply these principles because you showed me and you, you, you, you know, you you've nurtured me along the way. As you heard, the conversation with Chéy was just getting started. I personally loved hearing how her then boyfriend, now husband, and father of her children was right there with her to reassure her mother that they were prepared to figure this teen pregnancy situation out and thrive together as a new family. Support from your family, the child's father, and those closest to you can really shape how easy or hard teen pregnancy has the potential to be. Chéy admitted that things weren't perfect, but they got through it together. And speaking of together, I hope you'll be back for part two of this conversation with Chéy so that we can see the evolution in her motherhood story and keep learning from her together. Melinated Mommy Talks the Podcast is your place for authentic and raw conversations about what it means to be a Melinated Mom.

Part Two Tease And How To Support

Jaye Wilson 35:05

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