S1E13 "Turning Teen Pregnancy Into Purposeful Doula Work" w/ Chéna Benson-Davis Pt 2

Teen pregnancy can flip a teen’s whole world in a day but the harshest part is often what happens next: the silence, the judgment, and the feeling that your life is already over. We sit with that truth and then push back on it, using real stories and real language about what teens actually need when pregnancy enters the picture: empathy, a plan, and a support system that doesn’t punish them for being human.

We talk through the moment of telling a parent, why some families respond with shame, and how that reaction shapes everything from confidence to safety to access to prenatal care and community resources. We also share what we learned from a teen led Planned Parenthood conference where young parents spoke openly about limitations placed on them and the difference between being supported versus being controlled. A big thread is culture and tradition: when teens ask about reproductive health, body autonomy, and changing bodies, too many adults hear “sex” instead of “curiosity” and shut the door.

From an intergenerational lens, we dig into how to take teen parenthood out of the margins by building better language, better parent groups, and better pathways to education, mentorship, and services. We also define what “success” can mean for a teen parent and why advocacy has to be part of the story, not an afterthought. If you care about sexual health education, stigma reduction, and supporting teen parents in Black and brown communities, this conversation is for you.

Subscribe on your favorite podcast app, share this with a parent who needs a new script, and leave a review so more listeners can find these conversations. What’s one thing you think every teen should be able to ask their parent without fear?

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

Jaye Wilson 0:16

Hey girl, hey, it's your girl Jaye. Welcome to another episode of Melinated Mommy Talks, the podcast where we are talking about and exploring all things within the Melinated Mom spectrum. In our last episode, we began the conversation of momming in the margins with teen pregnancy. We had the pleasure of meeting and hearing from Chéy Davis, Holistic Living Specialist, Full Spectrum Doula, and the owner of Buddha the Holistic Doula Services. Chéy told us about her journey in becoming pregnant at 19, moving forward with her boyfriend who is now her husband, and what revealing their pregnancy was like to a very traditional Caribbean mother. They found strength in their union and together navigated challenges of parenthood at that age. And child, that was just part one. In part two of this conversation, we talk about why and how teen pregnancy became a margin, why it's often looked down upon, and how it can be used to leverage open dialogue around preparation and necessary support for navigating this new phase of life. So go ahead and pull up your metaphorical seat, tap in and enjoy part two of our conversation with Chéy Davis.

Telling Mom And Facing Judgment

Chéy Davis 2:10

Yeah. So I remember when I thought about having this conversation with my mom. So when I saw that pregnancy test, and I was like, okay, she should be able to have this conversation with me because she went through this. And so I think that this will be met with some empathy and some sympathy, and it's gonna be a very touching mom-daughter moment. We never had touching mom-daughter moments. That wasn't even a thing.

Jaye Wilson 2:39

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 2:39

But I just, in my mind, I was like, that is what I think this will be because I'm sure she knows how hard it was, one to find this out, two to hold this for a secret for a little bit, and now have to face our family and, and share this information. It was not met with any empathy, sympathy, any of that. Let me just disclaimer.

Jaye Wilson 3:01

No lifetime movie.

Chéy Davis 3:02

Right, none of that. But when I think about how that went, how I felt, and I think about my daughter, I mean, I have one daughter, but you know, boys are, they say they're different, but I think I'll feel the same way, regardless if it's my boys or my girl. But it's gonna have to be a conversation met with sympathy and empathy and knowing that, yeah, you probably can do this.

Jaye Wilson 3:26

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 3:27

Do I recommend it? Probably not right now.

Jaye Wilson 3:30

Probably not.

Chéy Davis 3:31

Yeah. You know, but is it possible? Are we capable? Do we know that there are successes and you probably will have a beautiful family if you really... Yes, but you, we're gonna talk about what that is going to look like, and we're gonna come up with a plan beforehand. And I think that probably regardless of the way that it went with my mom, that would have been the way that I approached it just because I'm a planner. You know, I like to think things through.

Jaye Wilson 3:57

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 3:58

Um, but even more so because I know how it felt in the moments of like telling her, having this, and she's just like, girl, what did you just, you know, just like again, dying just in that moment. That feeling alone will make me approach a conversation like that with my children so much differently. Because life's gonna be rough, regardless, you know. And so I don't have to be the one to kind of be hard on you and and buckle down, but we will sit down and talk about how you plan to to accomplish these

Parenting With Empathy And A Plan

Chéy Davis 4:30

these things.

Jaye Wilson 4:30

Yeah, yeah. It's funny too, because I, I think I'm reflecting on my own children, right? So I have two kids. My kids are 14 and 17, and I remember my oldest telling me about finding out, well two stories, but finding out one of their classmates was pregnant. I think this was two school years ago. So they were a freshman. Um, and they were like, "How is she gonna have a baby?" I'm like, well, she did some activities that, that got us here. You know, and I remember her telling me how afraid this girl was to share this with her family. And she actually told her, "If you can't talk to your mom, then why are you even considering having a baby?" Very different now. Very different now. But it, it, it showed me that kids actually are listening and they're paying attention to like what does your support system actually need to be when you get to those hard moments and how you should embrace the people who embrace you, right? So let me tell you this story about my daughter and how I took her to the teen conference with Planned Parenthood. So Teen, Planned Parenthood hosts a teen conference every year. It's literally ran by teens. They do the entire spiel, all of the panels and all of the discussions. It's a really good conference. And we went last year, we had a table, the kids came, the young people came to the table. And this was the first time my daughter or both of my children had a chance to meet people who are in their age, age bracket, but they are actually parenting. And the conference was great, but after we left, I asked them, you know, like just getting their reflections, you know, how did it feel to be at this teen conference? You know, yeas or nays, you know, what what were your feelings? And my oldest told me, you know, being in a place like that, I thought it would be so like inspiring and fun, but I felt like there were more times where I just could not identify with them. And it wasn't because we're the same age, it was because of how many limitations that they felt that they had and not physical limitations, it was opportunities, it was expanding their education, it was their thought process, right? Um, so I asked her to, you know, give me an example. And she said, you know, they went to one of the sessions and they were leading discussion.

Kids Notice Support Systems

Jaye Wilson 7:10

And one of the girls said, I can't do any of this stuff. I have a kid. My parents told me I can't do this, I can't go here. I have to be home with my baby. I, I made this decision, I gotta lay down with it. So this is all I can really do. Yeah. And my daughter said she countered it and said, You don't think that your baby is actually motivation to let you know that you can do more? And they looked at her like she was crazy. And, and she was like, I just didn't understand how they came to that conclusion that once they had this baby, their life is over. And I said, Well, it's not just being in the thought process of I am a teen who is a parent, it's also what does my support system look like? Are they actually being supportive or are they punishing me for my decision? Right. And that is uh again, like going back to our theme of moms in the margins, right? So if you are a teen parent and you're going to your family, you're asking them for support just as you would if you were 25 or 35, right? But and I'm not saying like it's an ideal situation, but the baby's coming. So how do we prepare our entire family? Because it regardless, it always will take a village to raise a child and a mother. So how can that mom go to the people who are still raising her to get the collective support that she needs to not just complete her goals but thrive in it and also be the example for that child that they're raising? And when my daughter said that, I was just like, oh wow, I'm so glad you were able to reflect on that. But, you know, how does that make you feel in terms of, you know, bonding with any of these young girls or um even your friends at school? You know, how do you use this as an opportunity to have conversations with them? And she told me, she was like, you know, I'm gonna have to really think about that because I've never thought, I never thought of a time where I couldn't go to my mom and say these things or ask for this support or, you know, just have advice that is gonna lead me into where I'm supposed to be. Um so I couldn't imagine trying to go through something so life-changing as bringing a human and not having the support behind me from my family. So I told her, I'm like, you know, it does look different for everybody, but I'm glad that you were able to reflect on it from a different standpoint. And this actually creates more opportunity of how do we open up conversations, right? So last part of the story, I promise.

Chéy Davis 9:45

I'm in.

Jaye Wilson 9:46

Um, so one of the things that um my daughter did from there is she actually opened up a community conversation in her school where we were, she literally recruited like 51 kids. I don't know how she did this. But she recruited all these kids and we did a virtual conversation. We asked them, what does it look like to have support from your parent? What are some things that you want to talk to your parents about that you feel like they don't hear? And um, her school is um primarily um, they have a lot of people from the African diaspora, um, very heavy with um Ethiopia, Ethiopian cult, culture. Um, and a lot of the feedback was I really wish my family heard what I was asking for in terms of support instead of leading with, well, in our culture, this is what we do.

Chéy Davis 10:36

Right.

Jaye Wilson 10:36

And in our culture, this is what you have. You know, and it, it kind of keeps them into a box and they feel very like isolated

Teen Conference And Limited Expectations

Jaye Wilson 10:45

because they're like, I have so many thoughts, so many aspirations, but the feedback is if I ask about reproductive health, or if I ask about body autonomy, or if I'm saying my body is changing, the interpretation is you're encouraging me to have sex. You're encouraging me to go into this. So I share that because I really want to talk about what does this look like from a cultural conversation piece, right? So, how do we open up teens to have conversations who have different cultural backgrounds to not create a space where it's blame or judgment, but curiosity and you know, a collective plan to move forward.

Chéy Davis 11:31

Yeah. I mean, one thing I feel is one thing teens are gonna do is they're gonna talk. They're definitely going to talk amongst themselves. And so the fact that your daughter was able to pull together this group and just have that, hold that space for them. Yes.

Jaye Wilson 11:49

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 11:49

More of that, please. Because yeah, when you are surrounded by the same, you know, there is community in having, being surrounded by the people who uh have the same ideals as you, the same, you know, religion, uh background, all of that, that's great. But also we want to mix it up a little bit and have that diversity there where you learn about it from the opposite end. And so knowing that this isn't, you know, there's nothing wrong with curiosity. We're all curious, but understanding the different um, just the different introductions to, to womanhood for women, and women to be and just what it means to have bodily autonomy, like just have the conversation. I don't feel that this is that this needs to be as teen targeted as it needs to be like parent-targeted. The parents need to sit with it. Right. We need to sit with other parents because how often do we meet a parent where we're like, well, they, you know, I don't know about them when they do things a little different, and I don't know if I want my kids hanging with them.

Jaye Wilson 12:54

Right.

Chéy Davis 12:54

And absolutely, you have to guard your space, you have to guard your unit and all of that. But you don't have to shut down another view or another aspect because it's like, oh, that's just because you're curious about it or they're talking about it doesn't mean you even have to absorb it. But just giving the space and hearing things from a different point of view, something might spark and trigger. And if the parents could be more comfortable with being in these spaces where it's a little bit more diverse, then they won't feel so like, ah, when their children ask them a question that is different from what they're used to. Absolutely. I um growing up in St. Croix, I had, I feel like, a very uh broad uh horizon for just like knowing different religions. In St. Croix, we're made up of uh, you know, African-American, Afro-Caribbean, uh, Tainos, Puerto Rican, Arab community. Uh, so it was a nice melting pot. And I think one of my favorite things growing up was being a part of this melting pot and having these conversations. And just the fact that I knew something about, you know, this Arabian community, this Palestinian girl, like the fact that I knew this information was great for me because I was just like, I feel informed.

Jaye Wilson 14:11

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 14:11

Right. I, I can connect with you on this and I can respect that about you. There's certain things I can't say to you or do because this is against, and we're not trying to, you know, stir the pot. Um, but when I came here to the States, there was a big gap. I'm like, oh, we don't all sit at the same table. We don't all have these conversations. And so I do think that it comes from in a bigger space, we tend to cling to what we know. And so this is rooted, it's not just that the kids were like, oh, we're gonna stay separate. They grew up in communities where everybody looked a certain way, spoke a certain way, was a certain way, and that is why. So I do think that it's a parent's responsibility to get more information on different walks of life. So you can have those conversations. A big part of it, too, I believe, is that they don't have the information at all. Right? They, they just don't know. So anything that is not what they were, you know, what they grew up learning, knowing, it's like, what is that exactly? Like it's scary, and I don't have, I can't talk on it. Because I don't know. That's not for me. That's for so and so. So definitely, I think more, you know, let's have more

Family Support As The Real Difference

Chéy Davis 15:20

parent groups.

Jaye Wilson 15:21

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Chéy Davis 15:22

Melinated Moms, you know, put together some...

Jaye Wilson 15:25

I heard that. I heard that you ain't had to call me out, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it though. I hear that.

Chéy Davis 15:29

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 15:30

But I think that's that's a great point, right? So if we're leaning into taking teen parenthood out of the margin, it has to start by respecting their perspective of parenthood, but also what does it look like from an intergenerational lens so that we can remember these teens are going to grow into adults. They're gonna be the next generation that's going to teach and grow the next generation. So they need to have the support and the language to recognize when they do have support or when they do need a resource, how do they talk about it? Yeah. How do we form the literal and figurative language so that they feel welcome and seen and heard, but also valued, right? A lot of the things, like I talk to my kids all the time about like traditions and values. I grew up in Buffalo, New York. Very, it's a very big and small place at the same time, if that makes sense.

Chéy Davis 16:27

Yes.

Jaye Wilson 16:27

And there's a lot of things that I love about how I grew up and who I grew up with. There's a lot of things that I'm like, yeah, I ain't bringing that back with me. That that one can stay there. Right. So when I think of teen parents and the way that they are or teens, period, right now, let's start there. They are in a whole new stratosphere of how they communicate, um, how they look for resources and information, and also what their boundaries are. They be quick to tell you what they ain't gonna do, right?

Chéy Davis 16:58

Right.

Jaye Wilson 16:59

But this also translates to what it's gonna look like for that next generation. So if you have learned as a teen parent, here's how I set my boundaries, here's how I take the values that I grew up with and pass it to my child now. And here's how I create this new framework of teen parents not being as limited because we're open. We're, we're understanding, we're creating a collective resource, not as a noun, but as a verb, so that they can know they are not alone in this. You know, so I heard you. We're gonna do it. And I and I really do actually like the idea of creating parenting groups to talk to teen parents.

Chéy Davis 17:38

Yeah.

Jaye Wilson 17:38

You know, not from this area of judgment, but from I understand the wisdom and the experience of life. This is what it taught me at 40, so that I understand at 19 where I was, what I've learned, and what it took to get here.

Chéy Davis 17:54

Absolutely.

Jaye Wilson 17:54

You know, so I'm, I, I hear you. Let's do it. So we'll put that on the, put that on the, on the list. Lovely. All right. So before we close out, I, I know we've been talking about stigma and all the scary things, but can you talk a little bit more about what does it look like to be a successful teen parent? What does success look like from a teen lens?

Chéy Davis 18:16

I always wanted to be a mom. That was one of the things that for me was going to be a success. Like even before I had kids, I was the girl who had a baby on her hip

Students Ask For Honest Parent Talk

Chéy Davis 18:30

all the time, who carried, you know, whoever's cousin and played with the children. And I even remember my family being like, Do you want anything else aside from like what is adulthood aside from kids? There are other things. My mom specifically, like, there's other things, right? And when I look back at it now, as I'm a mom of three, I can say my success did come in me being a mother. And success is going to be personal. Like, what are the things that you value most? And I have lots of successes, but I can't say that I would be even like a minute uh version of myself if it wasn't for me becoming a mom. Becoming a mom gave me that, you know, that grit. It gave me that, that extra oomph that I needed to know that I can do the things.

Jaye Wilson 19:22

I love that.

Chéy Davis 19:23

If I didn't, I would never have known. And so success is gonna be an individual. Everybody's gonna have their own version of it. And I want, I hope for teen moms that if they decided, hey, that's what I want to be, uh, not hopefully they didn't choose it and went that route. But if we are teens and we're saying we're going to keep our children, we are going to continue down this road no matter what comes, I hope that that's a success for them.

Jaye Wilson 19:49

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 19:49

And that they can be proud that they went forward and did that because it's not an easy journey. That in itself is a success that you were able to do so.

Jaye Wilson 19:58

I love that. All right. So one thing that we like to do when we wrap up is take a pledge.

Chéy Davis 20:04

Okay.

Jaye Wilson 20:04

So I'm gonna ask you if there's a word, a phrase, or a sentence that you would like to share as your pledge to other teen moms, what would it be?

Chéy Davis 20:14

It's advocacy.

Jaye Wilson 20:16

Yeah.

Chéy Davis 20:18

Which is always what it's been for me. So!

Jaye Wilson 20:20

I love that. All right, the pledge of advocacy. I take that. I take that. Um, I'm gonna add my pledge. I'm just gonna pledge that motherhood is always the motivation. So at whatever age, stage, or phase that you're in, I'm glad that we're able to be a part of it. And I pledge to just continue to keep these conversations open and show that resources can not just be physical or tangible, but it can be people, it can be experiences, it can be mentors, right? So we are that human capital, and I pledge to continue to be one of those pieces. Yes. Thank you so much for being here. Please, please, please let me know that you're gonna come back.

Chéy Davis 21:03

Absolutely. Yeah, no questions asked.

Jaye Wilson 21:05

Yes, yes. So this was amazing. Um I, you know, I adore you. So just thank you so much for lending your voice and your story and being this successful, badass, super dope mama, doula extraordinaire that is changing the world one mama at a time.

Chéy Davis 21:20

I appreciate you. And right back at you. You know the love is mutual.

Jaye Wilson 21:23

Yes. Thank you. This conversation with Chéy brought me so much joy. She absolutely invited Melinated Moms in to create an intergenerational parent group so that we can support our teens to be able to talk and learn about their reproductive health choices so that they can make informed decisions about navigating supportive services and how they can include the continuity instead of just

Culture Shame And Body Autonomy

Jaye Wilson 22:10

the interruption of their lives if they chose pregnancy. Chéy emphasized how to advocate for themselves and how to navigate pregnancy options when they are ready. This is something that Melinated Moms will proudly initiate in the future so that we can support the upcoming generations with this margin. And I'm calling you, the listener, to think about the different ways of how you can reduce the stigma and shame of this margin while increasing access to services, support, and education. Remember, our young people need us. Let's listen. Shay also shared how she used her experience as the inspiration to become a doula, and she is also serving teen parents. She's showing support through her lived experience and using that passion to create her business, and she's connecting the resources that she provides as a verb, not just as a tangible item. Melinated Mommy Talks the podcast is your place for authentic and raw conversations around what it means to be a Melinated Mom. So make sure to subscribe on all of the platforms where you listen to your favorite podcasts. Make sure you like and share. And if you want to continue seeing our podcast grow, make sure to become a paid subscriber for exclusive bonus content, or become a donating listening supporter. If you're interested in becoming an individual or corporate sponsor of this podcast, go to melinated moms . com / podcast for more information. We can't wait to have you with us in our next episode. So keep listening, stay connected, and stay tapped in the house.