OGYN #26 Phil Pitts and Uncle Tone

As always thank you all for listening. Please Comment and SHARE!!  We'd also like to thank all the people that have been coming to see us live. Joe and Izzy's shows have been crazy!  Lots of Laughs!!  Visit joespaincomedy.com for upcoming shows. 

     On this episode Joe and Izzy sit down with Philly comics, Phil Pitts and Uncle Tone. The guys came down from Philly to do what turned out to be another great show.  Before the show we sat down for a few to discuss comedy in Philly as well as some stories from the past. 

     After the show Izzy and Joe do a wrap up for the second half of the podcast. That's when they do their normal talk about Izzy's dating and headlines and the world as it is. All laughs. 

     Joe and Izzy chop it up and tackle all the tough issues with comedy. Live Show tix joespaincomedy.com 

Thank you to everyone who laughs with us. Please Like, Share and comment to keep us improving. Spread the laughter. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Enough of that. Catcoin music. Welcome to another OGYN podcast. I'm your man Joe Spain here with my good friend. And would be my lover if he had a vagina. Isaiah Tangle.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Yeah, man. What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 0:34

You didn't like that intro?

SPEAKER_01 0:35

The boys aren't gonna like that intro, man.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

Ton into the microphone. I'm sorry. You ain't gotta suck it. Well, Joe, please. All right.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

You're too worried about your order.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

What are you talking about? You're talking about to girls or you're talking to about Chinese food?

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Nah, man, I'm trying to text it up my order in.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

I knew you were talking about Chinese food. This week, man, we're getting ready to a show here at Dream Big Venues down in Del Mar, Delaware. Izzy called in some backup. Hell yeah. Got my man Phil Pitts. Hola. And Uncle Tone.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Yo, yo, yo, what up? What up? What up? What up? Oh, yeah. It's nice to meet you guys, man. Yeah, nice to meet you as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

I can't wait to get this over with.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Well, thank you for having us too, man. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

I appreciate it coming to the Sundowntown. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Shout out to Isaiah, man. You always keep me in the loop, brother. Yeah, this is my boy, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Me and Uncle Ton, like we would how long you been doing it now? Did me and you start together or did we just meet?

SPEAKER_03 1:32

Yeah, we definitely, we definitely uh Hey, pause for a second, Tone. Turn that mic 180 degrees.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Yep, yep. Now try it. Yeah, so there it is. Yeah, so we probably I'm not sure exactly when you started. I probably was it maybe a week or two in when we we met. When we met. Alright, bets. But yeah, definitely we both were fresh. We knew each other were fresh. We were like, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Where? Wilmington. Yeah. Yeah, Wilmington. And then um where we're fucking, it wasn't Bar 13, that's not where we met. I think we met at like when I explore DE competition.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Yeah, yeah, down um actually not too far from here. Not too far from here. It was a competition contest and uh it was like a first round type of thing, and it was like a yeah, like 30 comics tryout.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Do you remember who we lost to? Because I we I remember who um not you know shout out to them, but like do you the winners just do you remember? Do you and we lost to some some some people that went on to not do great things in comedy. You lost? You must have lost. I didn't lose. I didn't lose. First round loser.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

No, I did, I did, uh I did lose. Uh but when when I lost, we weren't in the same we weren't in the same um competition at the time. Right. We weren't at the same competition. So when we first met, I believe uh the first competition was at um the Laugh House in Wilmington. I do believe.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

No, see, all right. The laugh house got shut down before I was about to go in there. We met at the um I can't remember what the place is, dude. I really can't, but it's it it was a house converted into a bar, right? It was that place?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Uh Jackson's Jackson Inn?

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Mm-mm. The bar house.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

The bar house, essentially. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Uh I can't remember, but they still do shit there now, just not comedy shit. But I remember um one of the dudes, uh he got booked here. He did some shit here. I'll tell you his name after, but man, I lost to him. His getup was uh he got up on stage and with a basket of chicken tenders and fries and just said, Man, I'm so fat and just started eating.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Oh, you're talking about uh glasses, axes, jackson. I wasn't gonna say his name, but I wasn't supposed to. Oh, yeah. We got a bleeper. I lost I lost to him too. I lost to him too. I lost to him too. Uh yeah. And uh everybody was eating at the time, and he did that when he went on. Fell out, dude. I was like, Yeah, y'all eating, I'm eating too. Like I'm gonna eat while y'all eat, type shit. And yeah, they they just ate it up.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Yeah, everybody took that little hanging fruit.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

I was very pissed. I was like, I'm gonna stop coming to Wilmington, dude. Fuck this shit. I live in Seaford, I don't need this shit.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Yeah, driving 45 minutes to lose. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

That sounds like it was Yale. Oh, dude. I went to Seaford.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

But yeah, that is when we met. It was so far. And every time I every time I see you, it's like I see you every day. It's it's like nothing. It feels like that. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

We must be a good dude, then, because he's my people.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah, yeah, it's my dog, man. It's my dog. I I I love when we when we connect and we see each other, bro. I love that shit. That's your scene. Because we live so far apart, and it's like I know I watch him, I see him doing his thing. Right, and I know he's watching, I see he sees me going. So it's like I I love to see it. Yeah, you know, and when we get together, it's just always that genuine love.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

That's awesome, man. That's the way it's supposed to be. For sure. Especially across different scenes, you know what I'm saying? Because then you know, you got somewhere to go and they got somewhere to come all the time.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

But as you guys, I'm sure you know, that ain't how it is sometimes. Yeah, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

It's a sticky game, man. This game is sticky, it's funky.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Yeah. When you find good people though, that's why I like I try not to do shows with the same people all the time. Yeah. But you find yourself doing shows with the same people all the time because you find you fall in.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Yeah, other people don't like that.

SPEAKER_03 5:31

I know.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

But what you can't deny though, and what you can't argue is the work ethic.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

If a dude out here working, man, and you see that the people love him, you can't stop him, man. You can't stop him, regardless of who he is. If you don't like him, you do like him. You gotta think about it. If he if you don't like him, he's helping you. He's putting more eyes on you because y'all on the same card.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Yeah, the whole thing is to me, if ever if one person comes up, everybody comes up within a scene. You know what I'm saying? Like if one of y'all pop off in Wilmington, all the people that are around you are gonna be seen as better, whether they are or whether they ain't. Because so and so come out of here or so and so did this.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

It's gonna make the next person go, you know, that's right a little bit harder. That's right. That's right. Let me let me rewrite some of these jokes in.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

Is that where both of y'all come from? The Wilmington scene? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Yeah. We we met around um, maybe I was maybe a he probably was already doing comedy, but I was at bar 13.

SPEAKER_03 6:28

How long have you been doing comedy show?

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Was it 2026 now? So honestly, I think I just it's been like five years now.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Damn, that's what's up. That's a big hurdle.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Yeah, I probably was six in and we met at bar 13. I got serious at like after the fucking pandemic. Gotcha. Like, cause everything was closed, and like I didn't know motherfuckers was doing virtual shit. Well, like I didn't miss nothing there. Yeah, yeah. Like I was like, Yeah, that was the thing. Like, I lacked some of the knowledge on that shit. So, like, but after like everything opened back up and everybody was that's when I started going out.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

You guys get into Philly something?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Yeah, yeah, that's that's where it's at for for me, uh especially. Um I'm bringing him along as well. But um, yeah, that's where it's at. It's a it's a mic every night in Philly. Um, man.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Yeah, a few.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

You can hit two, two, three, two for sure every night. At least hit two to three tonight. If you really trying, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

And if you got a car. Y'all know Manny.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Manny must be Manny Mike. That's my dog. Dude, man, oh my god, I love Manny. Manny is one of the funniest motherfuckers. I remember when he said he was moving. He was like, you know how he tosses. He's like, yeah, man, I'm moving to Philly. I'm like, really, dude? I was like, you don't have like tags on your car, man. I was like, really? He's like, yeah, and he just went, dude. And fucking, I think right after that got on like the Legion of Skanks. It might have been Skank Fest or something. Like it just got pulled or something, did stand up, was like in it with those guys. Like, man, he's fucking a man. Hell yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

I've never had a bad time in PA, man. Yeah, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Um I only did like um, I did a few open mics. Well, I do uh I do a few open mics there. I've probably been on a couple shows. Uh shout out to Keith Robinson, Strange Love.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

He always put us, he he always puts it on, and he he's for the people. That's a fun spot too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Where is it? What is it?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Um Strange Love. Strange Love. Strange Love.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Keith Robinson, he runs the room. It's uh it's what is it?

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Is it like a bar or a yeah?

SPEAKER_00 8:29

It's a it's a restaurant, it's a restaurant. Oh, that's a good one. It's a restaurant. Yeah, yeah, it's a the bar. He, you know, all you gotta do is hit him up. Like, hey, oh, that's cool. I want to get on the show. I see you doing a restaurant. And they're nice.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Do they do them during the week or weekend?

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Well, every other Saturday.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Nice. So it's like a showcase.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Yeah, it's definitely a showcase. Nice actually, it's always Keith Robinson's always a crowd.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

That's one thing I love about it. It's always a crowd. He always brings people up. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I know him, man.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Am I thinking about I'm not looking mobile Instagram? I will get a talk. I definitely will. Shoot him a text or uh DM.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

That's weird, man. This is such a small community. I'm I'm getting ready to start my 10th year. So like when I hear a name from either Philly, DC, Baltimore, New York, that is doing good things, I'll never forget it, man. So I'll remember that name from these good people.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Shout out to him. Yeah, man. He uh just just graduated from uh or got some type of degree from Drexel. I I I can only watch from Instagram. I I don't live in Philly, so I can only watch from Instagram, so uh that's what I seen.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

He got some type of degree in the boys so live in to smart dude. If you don't like me saying you boys, yeah, just let me know.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

You boys live in town. I smashed a TV because of Drexel one time. Drexel, the man the fucking hook. The hook. All they had to do was make a fucking foul shot. Yeah. And they couldn't make a goddamn foul shot. Yeah. Cost me 7K, man. All of them niggas were lost shit.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

You lost 7K on some kid. Like that's crazy as shit.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Drexel was the reason the first time I was on the news.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Oh yeah?

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Yeah, man. They got blown out by 30, and I'm just in the background. They showing the clips. I'm in the background, like still excited. Because the music, the music they was playing, they didn't put that with the commercial.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

They didn't put that with the commercial.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

I was dancing with the music and with them blowing up by 30. Yeah. That's my first time on the news, though.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

That's hilarious. Celebrating a loss.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Yeah, it looked crazy. It looked crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I got that on D VR, man. He said I recorded that.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

Damn. Yo, I was I went to a uh golf thing one time. Not that long ago.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Oh, fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

And I got some I got a few in me. And I'm sitting there. And the news comes up and says, Can we interview you? Yeah. Sure. All right. I put on, I sounded country and I put it on for real. Them girls, I don't know what them girls are wearing around here, you know. And they put that shit on the news. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

He looked like one of those dudes on the YouTube video, like where you see compilations of shit that should not be on the news. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_03 11:08

I don't know what made her pick me out, man, but what a bad choice.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Fucking hammer.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

That's one of the funniest things.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

She kept looking at me, man. I thought, I thought she thought I was following her.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

You know what I'm saying? Because she the camera wasn't there. Oh, so she was walking around there.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

She was like, oh my God, he's a creep. So what do you think about what happened?

SPEAKER_04 11:44

That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

The cameras already. Dude, that was a deterrent.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

She told them the people in her ear. He's not ticking. He's not ticking.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

She thought you was all about SA, my brother.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Just in a meeting for this. Bitch, run.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

Shit, he's drunk. The dork, the dork they sent over there with the camera couldn't have done nothing anyway. I'd have held him down too.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Oh damn. You would have put the camera in his face. This motherfucker's like the hawker maniac. God damn.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

I'd have held him down too.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

It's like a family way or a family guy cut away. They go back. They're like, well.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

Remember that time when that guy raped the whole camera club?

SPEAKER_01 12:30

It's 75. At a golf tournament. At a golf tournament. How bold. So now cancer for uh golf is done.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

Yo, did you see uh as do you have anything? Do you play golf or anything? Hell no. I never did either until I got to be like 40 some years old.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

I'm gonna say I stopped playing sports. I ain't throwing my back out.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Tossing the football around. Are you crazy? My whole shoulder out now I can't hold the mic.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

For days at what age at what age do you start wearing about your back? You know what I mean? I haven't thought about my back.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Yeah? I'm 22. I'm worried every day. Really? Dude, I've worked with like heavy shit. I know I don't like stretch. I don't turn right. You just said, dude, I'll be hunched over in about five more years. If I'm hunched, dude, I can't take it. I'll lay down.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

So you're so you're not lifting properly. Who's asking? I'm just saying, I'm just saying, you're too young to be worried about your back. Yeah, why are you telling me like this, Sam? Man, you are. Are you gonna worry about it first? Phil on the other hand, Phil on the other hand.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

I ain't that old though.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

You not that old. And I was just about to ask you. You made it seem like I was.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Yeah, Phil on the other hand.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Phil probably go harder than either one of y'all young bucks.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Who? Phil.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Phil, how old are you really? Like 45? Nah, I'm 39.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

But still, your back would have nothing to do. I mean, besides life. I mean, I guess, I guess at that age, for at round. No, because you said 22. At what age do your back start to become the deciding factor of shit?

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Like it's when my grandmother stops saying you're too young to have a back. When she stops saying that, my shit started to hurt. Should be dead. She'll be dead anymore.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

She'll say it'll she's dead.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

She doesn't say it anymore.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Your back start hurting when you start paying for shit.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

When the weight of the world is on the biggest.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

You gotta get renters and shit.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Yeah, the kids and shit. Kid hanging off of each nipple. You're like renters and shit.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

I am paying what I can. We don't live in a box. We got something bigger than a box.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

Yo, I'm 48 and I don't think about my back.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 14:35

I jump over shit. I feel like that's a lazy man. Dumb shit.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

I could jump over shit.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

I'm just not going out just to jump over shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

If your back is hurting, it's something you didn't listen to. Like you missed something out on when they were giving instructions.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

You missed something. No, my back hurts all the time. I just don't think about it.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Yeah, I don't think about it. He fell down some stairs when it was like, oh man, I straight ate it.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

I had I'm thinking you just like on like you waking up. Yeah, you're you're just waking up going to going doing your daily life, you know, and you like at the end of the day, you're like, yeah, my back hurts. I mean, but everything.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

I'm a sad man, so everything hurts. My back hurts. My soul hurts. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a little bit of everything. It's not just my back.

unknown 15:25

Everything.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

I slip the phone, go, God damn it, I can't take this shit.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Son of a bitch, these stupid lungs hurt. Do you lay there?

SPEAKER_01 15:34

I'm only 22. Do I lay there? Yeah. No, I'd get up real fast because I'd be even. You know, it's 22, though.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

To answer your question, at some age, the embarrassment goes away and you lay there for a minute and you do like an inventory, make sure everything works before you even move.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

Hell yeah. Wiggle your toes. All right, that still works.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

Hell yeah. Like, because there's motherfuckers my age. Someone, come on, Phil. Join the join this little football league we got. I'm like a football league. Come on, man. Oh, y'all pushing 40. You ready to tear meniscus for nothing?

SPEAKER_01 16:08

I need to join a 37U basketball team because I can't play with people my age. They're good and young.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

They be trying to break your ankles and shit.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

I'm trying to play with some some niggas, some handicapped niggas. Yeah. Some old niggas.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

Yeah, when I was in jail, they the first night I was there, they it was during COVID. So everything was weird. No, they put it in your cell all by yourself, but they gave me this uh my blanket. It was so fucking cold, man. My blanket, you had to get in it. It was like like a taco.

SPEAKER_04 16:37

You know what I'm saying? Like a burrito.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

Right. And it, but you could not rip it, right? So I'm going to sleep. And of course, I'm a little, I'm still a little upset, a little, a little not happy about where I am when I go to sleep, knowing I'm facing 240 years, I got a little bit of stress. So I have some nightmare, right? And I and I freak out and I can't get out of my fucking, what's the name? And I fall out of the top bunk. And in that prison, the j the bunks were inside the wall. They were like sunk in the wall. So I fell and I hit my back on the toilet. Boom! And I got spun around crazy. I hit it so hard it made the nerves like go down to my heels and to my ear. You know what I mean? So I'm laying there and I'm saying, I can't breathe. So, man, like 30 minutes later, they came in there and got me, right? Had my knee was all in the toilet.

SPEAKER_04 17:31

What the thought was that?

SPEAKER_03 17:35

I think so. I think so. That's hilarious. I think they tried to throw it. I tried to jump off the top and kill myself.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

He ended up in the toilet.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

It was fucked up. So look, I got this big football like bruise that came off of my back, right? This I was this was four or five years ago, five years ago now, right? Every once in a while, I'll step outside and I'll get a little hitch in my step. Be like, motherfucker. No medical attention. That's what he drug my dumb ass down the hallway and told me not to get at the top. Don't get in the top, boom! And that's all the medical attention I got. Didn't even give me a fucking towel.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

That actually sounds like how Epstein, how Epstein got out of the prison.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Oh shit. Really? I'd rather have that prison memory than any other one.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Dead ass. Like he wasn't that far. He wasn't, he wasn't. The documentary I watched, he wasn't that high off the ground, but he was high enough to make it seem like he hung himself.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Nah, he was high enough to jump off that bitch and walk out the cell. What are we talking about here? He's still alive, man. Apparently.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

But that that that story just reminded me, like, you know, maybe his knee ended up in the toilet. Dude. I believe he's still alive. I don't know, man. You think he's still alive? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

That's what I said. You asked me. I I think I I said my theory is I because I don't even really know who we're talking. I'm a little drunk. I'm getting drunk off these seltzers. But I'm not really aware of who uh yes and Weinstein are. I know they're two different people. Yeah, absolutely. That's what I think. I think neither one of them exists.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

They both had Stein in their name.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

No, they're definitely real people. They're both Jewish. There you go. They're both Jews.

SPEAKER_03 19:25

And they belong to the people that killed Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

So do you not think he was a Marionette puppet, both of them, controlled by, you know, one one user, one stand user? And who's this user though? I don't know. We have to figure it out. CPU.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Is there a thing where Nick, what do you call it when you get some multiple hands in?

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Hariko. Three songs.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

When there are multiple hands in this one puppet, it's called a fun time.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

I'm gonna say that sounds like some sexual shit. You remember when the puppet's multiple hands in that motherfucker? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

What'd they call that? A glove.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

A meat puppet.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

You remember when the puppet grew to that guy's hand and started controlling him?

SPEAKER_01 20:03

And what? I watched the music too. Remember that.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

No, you know it. Why would I know? Um, I think it was like a uh Twilight Zone or something like that. He was uh he was a a guy who did puppet funny stuff, and then when he went behind, he put the puppet down and would start talking to her.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

There's uh Magic, that's a really good one. Have you seen Magic? That's a good one. Magic the Gathering? No, it's just called Magic, and it's about that. Uh there was a Twilight Zone episode.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

I think that's what I'm talking about. And it grew to his hand.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Damn. Probably Twilight Zone. I probably see it.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

And he was like, Yeah. No, I just think he's like really uh uh chameleon and he just Epstein. Yeah, Epstein. He's just a chameleon and he He's good at collecting money. He's good at bribing. Let's get to the point.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

If you were on the island. If I was on the island as in his island, yes, and you've seen the wheelchair man, that's Stephen Hawking, right? Good job. I seen pictures of him sprawled out, you know, in like uh some very you know skimpy clothing. Would you look? I'm not into that type of thing.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

No, I would look I would look to see what everybody got natural curiosity. Stephen Hawking.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

If they said a nigga in a wheelchair is sprawled out like on a couch, undressed, I wouldn't. Was that the one picture they had of in like a princess dress? Yes, and they were like the boys were behind them.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Like they just caught a fish, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

I'd have to say it.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Yeah, they caught a handicapped fish. Yeah, chicken wings. It was crazy because you know he had handicapped people's limbs. Them shits were still like not like they were like small smiling. They look like chicken wings.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

No, he has security there, and nobody said no.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

You know, when you got arms like that and you jerk off, it's like getting strange every time.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

I don't think he kicked anything.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

I was about to say, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Um I don't think so. I don't think uh only thing that was sprawled out was his legs because his arms is like permanently stuck to his chest.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Could you imagine? He probably presses the space bar like the faster he spits the space bar, the quicker he did his erection. I don't remember. They didn't even have him in the chair.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Like I'm thinking, like, what if he's like telepathically? He's like trying to get away. He took him out like Professor X. And it's still going. Yes. I'm coming. I'm coming. Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Didn't he put his conscience into a hard drive or something?

SPEAKER_02 22:21

Like, no. Stephen Hawking. They had a thing where he just typed and he got a command. No, after he died.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

I think he downloaded it.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

But I wonder if he had a command on that bitch. Like, I want the young one.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

He had like a dirty keyboard widescreen. Flip it over.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

Nothing above eight.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

One of these men were a good man, and I'm confused. Which one do you want?

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Seven, six, and four. Filipino, please. I like the ones playing with the Lincoln logs.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

I like the ones who kind of look like boys. Oh, oh. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Apparently, apparently it was the the it was one of Epstein's island security guards that was the good guy. Like it was only one of them. Listen. Think about it. How do you think about this? It was only one guy that was like, look, I seen everybody. I seen it all. It was one. One dude. He's like, yeah, I knew by the look of her face she was underage. I was like, what? I knew they weren't having a good time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

I saw them all in the weight room colouring. So one man.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Yeah, it's one dude. I'm one man.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Who am I not to say what happened?

SPEAKER_00 23:29

And he was like, he was like like Mexican or something. He was like, it was like something. I went to get the cut down. I don't say nothing. I say, yeah, I said nothing. Don't say nothing. Don't say nothing, probably. He just looked like he's having a good time.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Mr. Weinstein Goodman. In my clon today.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

I eat, I I eat.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

I work. I go home. He pays bills.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Yes. He fucked children. Not my daughter, you know. No, not mine. Not mine.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

No, not mine.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

Not mine.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

Oh man. You know how bad it is to ask for some time off when you work there? Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Is this a bad time?

SPEAKER_02 24:13

He's walking on some shit.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Uh-oh. No. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

No, come in. Put me in my wheelchair. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

I would quit. That'd be the day I quit. No, I'm not putting you in your fucking wheelchair. Get away. He walking there.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

Oh, I'm sorry. Leave the door open.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

It's probably the one time you can talk about crippled people. You know what I mean? When you're talking about him, because he's a creep now. I kick him. Kip creeps? No. Uh Stephen Hawking. Oh. Yeah, and all his. No. Well, let's go to a new topic for you.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

That's a drooling motherfucker. He drools a lot. Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Drooling on those fucking.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

I can imagine everywhere he goes, it just smells like. Is it fucked up?

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Every time I see a picture of Stephen Hawking, he looks like he's always taking a cool picture.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

I bet his his uh seat chair pad smells like fucking hard. Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

I bet he don't shit out his ass. I bet it comes out.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Shit bags is a weapon, though, man. You got that little shit bag under your arm, you squirt that motherfucker at somebody.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

I heard somebody was doing that. No, I seen it. There was a woman in a parking lot. Dev, I think Dev said he said it to me. There was a white woman in the parking lot. She parked too like too close to somebody. And the woman's like, you park kind of close. And she's like spraying her colostomy bag on her. That might be worse than spit, man. Oh, dude, what? Kinda. Yeah. I like when people spit on me. It doesn't even have to be sexual. It could be in the middle of the day.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

But if you spray me with a colostomy bag, you heard when me and Harrow were talking about the fucking in the can, they put all the shit and post in a tube, in a toothpaste tube. The garlic tube and you sit in your window, sit in your window until it gets real tight, and you stick it under somebody's door, step on it, and shoots it in their cell. And you can't get it off of nothing, man. It burns your skin if it gets on you.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

They would have found my knee in the toilet.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

I can't go to the jailhouse prank.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

No, that's not a prank. It's not like we're buddies after that.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

I'm not gonna come out of the jail.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

They do it to the cops all the time. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's why I couldn't be a fucking thing.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Maybe later. Maybe later. You don't want to be a CO. Dude, I Hell No.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

I'd beat all yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

No, you wouldn't, because you're gonna be you're gonna be doing fucking head counts and seeing somebody getting their ass fucked, and you're gonna be like, oh. Move along. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

I'm gonna be like, get that black one out of there. That's what I'm saying. What? Yeah, I'm I'm against the black man. That's they're all in the inside world.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

I was I was the the only non-black on my tier.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

I would have been like, I would have been talking to you. I've been like, Joe, you can do better, dude.

SPEAKER_03 27:06

Everybody loved me, man. I was having a good time.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Get away from these guys.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

We we made a board game. We made a board game. It had outside and inside. And like if you fucked up outside, you went into so it had jail. The jail rules were a little bit different than the outside rules, how you progressed in the game. Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Well, I don't want to go to jail. You gotta learn too much bullshit. Now you gotta learn the jail way to play checkers. You'd be like, what? No.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Don't you know, King?

SPEAKER_00 27:35

Fuck me if I lose. I didn't know. Oh, we're betting on the wrong. There's no win in jail. I was just like, you always lose.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

Even with like the washing my underwear, why do you have a knife?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

That's like the most serious way to play basketball. Like, think about it. That's like the basketball at a whole new level. You know what I'm saying? Your life is on the line.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

You thousand my they'll probably smack the shit out of me. Nah. At least you ain't got the good movie jail. We got the cheerleaders and men talking about, oh, I like the way you shoot it. Did y'all have that? What? Like cheer, like, were there bitches like cheerleading the way y'all were hooping?

SPEAKER_03 28:09

Listen, my brother.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Well, I'm about to say, what prison was that, nigga?

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Show me that free throw, man.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Yo, my brother.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

They were bitches, but they weren't bitches.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

My brother was at Fort Dix, and he said there was four or five Puerto Rican boy girls. Well, that's it. And they would like tie the shirts up and make lipstick and everything. It was at the right penitentiary, Fort Dix.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Fort Dix, baby. They made a Fort Dicks.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

I can go anywhere. Fort Fort.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Listen here, Jack. We're gonna let you pick.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

And that's where they put P Diddy, though. And Fort Dix.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

Oh my god. You know what that means. Who's doing my underwear?

SPEAKER_03 28:57

He gets out like four more years, man.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

I've been trying to think of like a show.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

What do you think his first track is gonna be like?

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Well, he don't mean the beat. No, it's gonna be a lot of splash.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Them diddy parties was not so bad compared to these white people's freak off or something.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Some type of own series.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

They weren't eating nobody. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

He's definitely gonna put out some type of 50 stuff. Or do like a fire. Do another making a band. Making a band? Yeah. Yeah. Something about Diddy, bro. He always just he always overcomes, bro. Apparently he does. Always does. I'm all for the underdog, you know, like even when you never heard it was a top dog to begin with. Yeah, we weren't the underdog to begin with, you know.

SPEAKER_02 29:45

Mother said, I think he was a top dog compared to all these these audios we be hearing. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Oh my god. But yeah. Let's wrap it up, guys.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Let's do a show. This is fun, but let's do a show. Yeah, absolutely. Are you guys ready? Yeah, dog. This is gonna be fun, man.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

I can't wait to tell some jokes, man. I got some shit for y'all, man. I can't wait to have a good time. Y'all got anything to shout out?

SPEAKER_02 30:04

I'm gonna bomb. Um, no.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Uh I'm gonna bomb like a motherfucker.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

This will come out next week.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

So shout out, shout out to uh to the ride, shout out to the time, shout out to the to God, shout out to to life, shout out to you guys for allowing this, allowing us to come down here and do this with y'all. And um, I can't wait for the night, man.

SPEAKER_03 30:25

Yeah, man, it's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Gotta do my shout out to shout out to Al Law, shout out to the sun, shout out to the rain. Nah, man, I'm kidding. Yeah, giving shout outs like rappers and shit.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Like y'all just won an award. Nah, man. Thank you guys for coming though, man.

SPEAKER_03 30:39

What you got, Phil?

SPEAKER_02 30:40

Uh yeah. Uh shout out to everybody. 13 and all of them. Um Phil Pitts Comedy on Instagram. You can find me there.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

There you go. Where yeah. Sure. Uncle Tom underscore funny on Instagram, man. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Co Izzy somewhere. Uh, it's spelled different on everything. It's roughly Co Izzy on Facebook and Instagram.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Uh JospainComedy.com, Jospain Comedy on Instagram. See you guys later. Oh, focus all comedy. Yeah, big swings on April 25th. Yep. That's gonna be a good time. Thank you, guys. What is that from? Twilight Zone. Yes. This is the Twilight Zone. Welcome to the Twilight Zone. So we're gonna do a wrap-up for the uh we got like 45 minutes with the guys. Oh, 30 minutes. I'm sitting here looking at the clock. 30 minutes with Uncle Tone, super cool dude. That was fun, man. That was and Phil, Phil Pitts. Are we starting down? Yeah, we're on.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Oh, I didn't know because the music we just were fucking because the music was the That was like the Twilight Zone. The Rob Sterling.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Going from one to the other.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

You're entering a world where black people stay on their side of the fence. I feel like we haven't been here in a while. Yeah. My racism feels real. Yeah. I like I'm glad to be back here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

Hey, did you touch that thing yet?

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Yeah, I did. It scared the shit out of me. Yeah, me too. I was like, ooh, I thought I'll break it.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

We got this thing. It's like uh one of them staples, easy buttons, except this says, what's it say when I can't read it?

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Press for help.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Press for help. And when you press it, this middle finger shoots out the top of it. It's fucking had me. You know, I think four is too many, man. Four? For what? For what?

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Podcast. I haven't listened to it, but I haven't listened to it either. It was hard uh when before we did it with them, and we did it with four people last time. It was hard. Yeah. I mean, I don't think it was them at all. No, it's just hard to like what you want to call it.

SPEAKER_03 33:06

I don't know. It's hard to get a rhythm.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

When it's four people.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

Because we haven't done four people in a yeah for a while.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

Especially four funny people.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Right. We can do three. Three's pretty easy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

Three is perfect. Us and a guest. Us and two guests is uh it's I mean, we could do it. We just gotta get better at it. Right. Because there was a lot of times I know where people's gonna be mad because we were talking over each other shit. But it was it was fun, I feel like. Yeah, it was. Man, probably doing it right before a show is not a great idea. We're all amped up.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

I'm glad I didn't have to go on. I was like so excited. Like I sat back, I got drunk. You didn't even go up, man. Not at all. It was fun. It was, man. Thank you guys. Yeah, man. That they were a good crowd. Yeah, they were. I'm surprised uh so many people end up coming out. Why? I always am, man. I hate that. Like, I don't know. We we we uh fired for it. Yeah, man. We worked, we deserved it. I'm just still so shocked that people come out. Nah, man, that's good. I'm glad. That's a good feeling. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 34:07

Super grateful for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

And then Monday, this last Monday, man, the fucking club was packed. Yeah, man. We definitely reach capacity. Yeah, man. Packed, standing room. I was trying to like usher people to sit down. I was like, like getting, I was upset with some people I yelled at, some people. Yeah. Regulars. Good for you. Fucking comics. I was like, yo, get the fuck off the wall.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

Like fucking let people sit down.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

I told I told a couple people to stand up, a couple comics. You gotta get up, man, because you gotta let the patrons sit down.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Word for real. And they they loaded that bucket up, man. Yeah. Yeah, so hopefully we don't hear about money for a while. Yeah. And it was a good Monday. Good. Free Monday.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Good. And he ain't had to pay anybody. So he should be happy.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Yes, sir. I pray to God.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

Pray to God. Pray to God. Did you talk to any of them? Uh I seen you take pictures with them young bucks, man.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Yeah, man. Them and my crew, man. Yeah, the good people. Yeah, a couple of them lied about their names. Because I knew them from C R. I just like didn't remember their names, but I knew. Like, I think the the Hispanic guy, pretty sure his name was Carlos. No racist. I think his name was actually Carlos for a long time. Unless I'm gonna mix up with another one. Then it is racist. But yeah, man. They were pretty cool. I took a picture with them. There was only one chick in it, which was kind of disappointing. I thought like that. Yeah, I noticed that. Yeah. Where'd all the chicks go? Because there were. I have no clue.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

Man, they ran. Yeah, dude. I was trying to work my magic. Did you uh oh do you think they'll listen to this? Did you tell them about this? I doubt it. No, I shot it. I shot at all the shit on. Nobody I meant after the fact when you were like cutting in, cutting in roads.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

I feel bad for uh shitting on them for not tipping though, because you know they're my they're younger than me, and I wouldn't have threw in on the bucket too, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:04

I'd used to put a buck or two box, whatever, like I'll get a candy bar of soda and a bucket, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

But if I can, you know, when they pass around a collection plate, yeah, I don't like that too much.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

You know, when I was used like used to go to Mike's when I first started, if I had money, I would always put it in a bucket. And I knew the host gets it. Right in a real situation, that's how the host gets paid. But not in that situation.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

Nope. Free popcorn.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Free popcorn now, at the wazoo. Yeah, it went it from what I saw of it went good. A couple of them went up, huh?

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Yeah, they weren't very good. Yeah, of course not. I dicked on him that uh because it was funny. Like uh, I think the funniest one went up first, and then the rest of them followed that weren't the weren't funny at all. Which is funny because uh he had the glasses on, the fucking the mustache, he had like the fucking dickhead pilot mustache. Nice. Yeah, man. They were fucking. Oh, so he was like ready, he had like a out a uniform outfit. Dude, yeah, like he was watching uh Tom Hanks' uh stand-up or whatever that movie was called.

SPEAKER_04 37:15

What?

SPEAKER_01 37:16

You never seen that? Uh uh. It's like Tom Hanks' uh Punchline. The movie's called Punchline. Uh-huh. I've heard of it. And he like dresses up and he's like the best comic around Tom Hanks. It's not good though, right? I loved it. Yeah? I loved it. Damien Wayne's was there. Yeah, Damon Wayne was in it. I'll check it out. Yo, I watched a movie, man. I was trying to tell you last week, but those brothers don't stop talking. You know what I'm saying? Nah, man.

SPEAKER_03 37:41

Man, I it was it was we had all black podcasts last week.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

Yeah, that shit. And then an all-black show damn nearby. All black show, too. I love it. I love it. And a white motherfucker put his nasty mouth on my fucking hennessy. Fucking. Yeah, that was Monday, though. That wasn't at the show, was it? No, it was at the urban mic. A white dude with fangs. Dude, yeah. They had a nerd to ask me for more booze. Ugh. Like, but you know, that's what you gotta deal with to have a good mic in there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:18

I think I figured out, man. I came like uh Mark Joyner was busting my chops. He was like, man, it's about me sounding black and about the way I act. And he's like, You country, you know, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

It's country black. I was about to say, I because I remember I said, Joe, nah, you know it's you said something. You said uh I got compliments that I sound black on the phone. I was like, You do sound black on the phone. Mark's like, no, you don't. And I I got it now. Like to meet. It's country. Yeah, because we both sound, you know, country. Right.

SPEAKER_03 38:48

Because you sound the same way. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. When I was doing that show, I had those like those late I say middle-aged ladies, they're probably my age. That whole they were hanging on everywhere, man. I had them. You know what I'm saying? Uh well-dressed black women. It was a whole bunch of them, yeah. Yeah, it was fun. That was fun. I think Tony brought them down. No, no, no, no. I'm at at the show.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Oh, at the show. At your show. Oh, man. I keep forgetting about it. You see how it slips my mind. Oh, come on, man. I shouldn't be like that. I hate it. It was a good crowd, man. Yeah, I know how you feel. I can't stand it. Like producing. Yeah. Yeah, man. I hate it. I hate it. Like, I don't know why it was so bad, like, cause it wasn't, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 39:35

I love it, but I hate it. You know what I'm saying? I want somebody else to do it well, and then I'll show up and do what I do and go home. Have a good time and go home. Yeah. But it's never that easy.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

It almost feels better when you do it yourself, but like I don't want to go on. Like I didn't want, like, that was the last thing on my mind was performing that whole time. I couldn't even, I don't even think I would have been able to host it.

SPEAKER_03 40:05

Is there somebody singing in the background?

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Somebody singing fly like a bird. Fly like a bird. I thought I was going mad.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

Oh, me too.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

For just a minute. I keep hearing shit at work.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

I looked at your eyes. So I was like, man, he hears it too. It might be real.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Yeah, man. I definitely heard that shit.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

Yo, I came out the bedroom the other day and was like, uh-huh. Come in. Like, I swear to God, I heard somebody say, yo, but I want nobody.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

I used to do that. I used to think my phone was going off. Yeah. Yeah, and it wasn't.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

Yeah. I think my phone's going off in my pocket all the time on Vibrate, but it's never is. It's just your leg? I think it's just nerve damage.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Yeah, probably that, man. You don't get enough sleep. The eye be twitching. Nah, uh-uh. Oh, well, never mind.

SPEAKER_03 40:57

Look, man, I got this breathing machine this month. I can see Pat. All I need is six hours with the hooked up to the tube. Oh, yeah, man. It's good to go. Six hours. And then sometimes on Sunday, I take the mask off and get another three or four hours free breathing. Free breathing? I love free breathing, man. Because then you can feel the cool air inside your nostrils. Because with the other one, you really can't feel the cool air inside your nostrils.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

What's that mask do? Does it shoot up? Because I'm a young man. Yeah. I don't snore, but that doesn't mean, you know, I mean, I don't, you know, sleep. Well, if I barely sleep. I didn't I snore.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

But more than I snore, I have uh, it's called RBD. Something Ram sleep. What do you know? Rob and Dam.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

You got Rob and Dam's disease, Joe. We get a rolling thunder. I think it was a rolling stroke, Jimmy already.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

Um no, but it's like uh my body doesn't paralyze when I sleep. So like if I be having a dream and I'm fighting, I'll be fucking my wife up, man. Yo, I I grabbed her by her shoulders, I knead her in her vagina one time, like hard, hard. I've punched her in her face, I've elbowed her in her face. Like I fucked her up. I feel bad about it. So they started medicating me to take care of that, but then I started waking up choking. Didn't even know I was waking up, waking up tired as fuck. So they said I had uh a little bit of sleep apnea, so they gave me this thing and it blows air up my nose all the time. But you can't even hear it. It's just this thing that goes right here and it blows air up your nose. And I like cold air. Right. So I put the the water in there, I put it in there cool, but over the night it warms up, and in the morning it's just like uh it's like drippy, you know what I'm saying? It's not cool. It's I mean, slaying poon with that thing on, it's probably not an option.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

I'd imagine tubes and wires all over the place.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

You gotta take it everywhere you want to sleep. You know what I'm saying? Did he have his CPAP?

SPEAKER_01 43:16

You can't be sexy with a C PAP. They gotta invent one that's uh I mean, what's the alternative? Some wires, you know what I mean? Like they used to have one that's a mask that covered your whole face.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Like Vader? Like, like uh Bombardier, Bombardier.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

My dad used to do that. Uh like uh pilot the bombardier, like like the flight.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

My dad used to do that with a uh a jock strap, a cup. Oh my god. We'd be like when we play sports, we go get a cup, and my dad would take it out of the jock strap and be bombadier, bombardier with it on his fucking name. You put it on y'all?

SPEAKER_04 43:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Yo.

SPEAKER_04 43:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

So this is a funny story. When my when I played like Little League, uh my coach was like. Like uh I'm I don't know what his like he was some type of WAP. So his last name, I'm just saying his last name is Lu Criano. I mean maybe I shouldn't say his last name, but I assume there's a million and one of them, yeah. You know, slipping and sliding around the East Coast, you know what I mean? No, but fucking uh I remember I had to play catcher one game. I don't know why. Like I literally had no there was another kid on the team who has played pitcher before, or not pitcher, catcher before, you know what I'm saying? And I was like, nah, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, you know, he's like, nah, you're good. I got this equipment. Yeah, so he's like, put this on. So we went into Dugout Alone. I don't know how we got to Dugout Alone, but he was like, put this on. And he he made me put on the catcher, yeah. I kind of willingly put on the catcher's gear, but uh I put it on, and um he's like, Oh, I got a cup in there too. I was like, Oh, alright. And it was like, you know, not in a package or anything, it was just a loose cup. Uh huh. And so he always said, What did I do today? He's like, put it on. I was like, all right, so I put it on. He later uh went to jail for sexual crimes against kids. No, man. Shout out to Luke Rihanna. Son was a dickhead, but I thought he was cool.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

Well, he's getting fucked now, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

Oh, dude, yeah. And it wasn't the first time, so you know, big Luke.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Big Luke. Big Luke. Yeah, my brother's in a uh, you know, he's in federal prison now. The feds got very nimble for a big man, I must add. Yes. Go ahead. I'm sorry. My brother's very nimble for a big man. He was, man. He was. He had this little, you know who Hakeem Elajuan is? Hakeem Elajuan had that little where he tossed the ball, like the dribble, and then stepped back. Nobody could stop it. Who are we talking about again? Hakeem Elajuan.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

Okay, yes. The dream.

SPEAKER_03 45:42

Houston Rockets.

SPEAKER_01 45:43

Hakeem the dream. I used to take his moves. Never could score with him, always got past the defender.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

My brother perfected his footwork when he was like a kid. He idolized. Well, then my brother was 330 pounds, 6'2. Still got it. Still got it, man. But um, Hakeem was on, I saw him on something teaching kids. He still fucking 70. I've seen you shared it. I liked it. Sick, man. Sick. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, so he's in a uh he's in a federal level one for the first time. Because when he was in prison before, he had state charges pending, so he couldn't go below a level three. So he was always in real prison. But now he's at a level one. The only thing lower is a camp. Right. So he said, Joe, this is weird. Ain't no violence. Like you ain't gotta worry about that part. But every motherfucker here is a weirdo.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

I said, Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:45

He said, Man. They're all too docile. He said, It's it's I'd rather be back in the other one, I think.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

They're like touchy feely in like a nice school with like a camp.

SPEAKER_04 46:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

It's like a boy's knitting.

SPEAKER_04 46:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

They're like, ooh, the price is right's coming on. We still can't get podcasts, though. They need to give them boys podcasts, man. For real, yo. Imagine, nah, the numbers will go up too crazy.

SPEAKER_03 47:10

What would be the harm in letting I'm it's it's a pretty good barometer of our society outside of prison.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

You can make too much money, man. If the guys on if the boys on the inside are listening to us, it'd be too much. You think? Yeah, but like so many podcasts would do so much better if you like So what? They don't want that. Who's that? They want a piece of it. Yeah. A piece of the pie, you know, the juice. The kosher pie.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Um man, Zach. Uh Zach did good the other night, speaking of Jewish fellows. Yeah, man. Always. Y'all love having Zach on it.

SPEAKER_01 47:52

He's so funny, man. I feel so bad. Fucking shitty god. Yo, let's get a boo on the microphone. That piece of shit microphone. He did good with it, though. Oh man, he rolls right through the punches, man. But I knew it would, so fucking, I'm happy. Uh fucking, yeah, man. Shout out to them.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

His girl is so pretty, so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

And so sweet.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

She's so cool, man. I like her. She was laughing at us. Uh I forgot who's up there. She was cracking.

SPEAKER_03 48:17

Uh you know, I won't, uh, when it comes to a friend's girlfriend, I won't say anything for a real long time. I don't know if you've noticed that. Right. Because I'm old enough to know that that shit'll come around and bite you in the ass. Even you know, you say, I don't like that bitch. They end up marrying him and be with him forever.

SPEAKER_01 48:38

Love her to death.

SPEAKER_03 48:39

Or you end up saying, Oh, you end up, oh, I love her, I love her, and then you can't be around her no more. You know what I'm saying? So I just reserve for a little while. Now, I like her. If she goes away, I'll be sad.

SPEAKER_01 48:50

Yeah, man. I don't think she will, man. I said for a long time, man. He's keeping that pimp hand strong.

SPEAKER_03 48:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

You know what I mean? My wife likes her too, so that that's that's a good sign. That's a good sign. Who was that Jewish lawyer that was uh the the lawyer for uh or no the fucking he like was the owner of NWA, you know what I'm talking about? Easy E. The own who was the Jew running it. Um Dr. Dre? The Jew running it, the white man behind it who's uh taking all their money. He was like, we ain't got no more money, easy. And then fucking ice cube made a song. Scott, something. Fuck, what's uh I don't know, man. You got the computer. It's not important. It the joke is long past gone, bro. I was gonna say, yeah, man. Zach and his pimp hand, yeah. Who fucking I remember I seen him in sweatsuits that one time. Remember when he's gonna be like, I love when he does that. Yes. He's the only nigga he can pull off like full like one color whole match of sweatsuits.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

Yeah, he's funny. He's funny, man. I hope he keeps keeps going, keeps plugging away. Oh yeah, of course he will, man. Um I want to have him on too. He said he would do it, and we're gonna have him come down and do uh uh big swings. Hey, bet it. You know, he was doing the next big swings, right? Did I tell you? Gabe? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

I do remember seeing. That's gonna be fun. It is gonna be fun. Gabe is so silly. I seen an old flyer with Gabe on it. Yeah, we should start uh I feel like it's like uh it should be like commemorative. We should like um because some highlight scribbled on one of the posters in the fucking club. Like on somebody's I'll tell you who after you did it. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 50:36

No, I didn't do it. I seen it.

SPEAKER_01 50:37

Oh, you seen it? Hilarious, dude. Fucking we need to start doing that to everybody. Like, especially to my players coming in. I think it's all good.

SPEAKER_03 50:49

Oh fuck. It is funny. Yeah, it's all in good fun, man. I I've got man, that's so great. I am that just made my heart tickle.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

I was so drunk last night looking over, I almost pissed my pants.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

Good.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

That's what I was hoping. A picture. Oh, yeah. Look, I wrote down something about Zach's jumpsuit. Look, man, so I'm uh I can't remember where I was today. I was somewhere in a work capacity, and someone who I didn't even know knew that I did comedy said, uh, it was like a quiet minute, and he leaned over and he says, Yo. I said, Hey man, what's up? I saw a picture of you in a jumpsuit.

SPEAKER_04 51:37

What?

SPEAKER_03 51:39

That shit must be getting around. It took a minute for it to sink in, man.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

Dude, you're gonna have to do that again. You're gonna have to pull that back out.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

Uh Zach was begging me to wear it on Monday. I wish I would have now to all them people. Spicer? Yeah. She got his big ass put it on.

SPEAKER_01 51:53

Oh my god. If we put together like 50 bucks, I bet he put it on.

SPEAKER_03 52:02

I want it though. I want it. I want to pull it out occasionally. Buy one for him that's smaller. Man, I don't like wearing nothing without socks.

SPEAKER_01 52:09

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_03 52:10

Do you wear shoes without socks? No.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

Sandals or flip-flops? I don't wear sandals or flip-flops.

SPEAKER_03 52:17

I can't. It's like me makes my feet feel funky, man. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_01 52:21

Man, I don't know what it is. Like, I like it like with vans, man, you're supposed to, but like I have no soles in my vans, they're all worn out.

SPEAKER_03 52:28

Uh-huh. But I'm saying socks. I can wear these with socks, but then Michelle says it looks stupid. You gotta wear it. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 52:36

You look like a young man.

SPEAKER_03 52:38

I don't like the rubbery feeling against my fucking skin. Yeah, it's horrible. It's horrible. Man, this weed. Let me see where it is. Look at this weed. This weed. I'm gonna give it a plug. It's called Dosy Love. Dosey Love Buds. It's 34% THC. But it's 4.6 turps. That's high as shit.

SPEAKER_01 53:09

Yeah, man, I'm pretty fucked up on the phone.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

You got the pen too?

SPEAKER_01 53:14

No, I don't have the pen. I was fucking along on the way up here.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Did you see did you see the new airline?

unknown 53:21

No.

SPEAKER_01 53:22

Let me show you this picture where I'm gonna do that. Yeah. We need like airline sponsors, dude. That'd be the best.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

An airline sponsor?

SPEAKER_01 53:29

Yeah. Yeah, man. Then we could get everywhere, cheat. That's what I mean. Just fucking start taking trips. Yeah. What's that say? Breaking news. Niger has officially launched Yeah, that's not a type of Niger has officially launched a national airline that's named Niger Air Internationals. Is it Niger or is it Niger? Oh yeah, it's probably Niger. I don't know. It's African. I never heard of that place. But I know the TSA will be horrible. All them Niger Niger workers. Niger TSA workers. With their, you know, their mean their mean accents.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

I I wonder, um, you know, I see these these comedy shows, man. Okay. So the whole thing. I don't like to do anything about politics, but one thing I do care about is fucking censorship. People telling you you can and can't say something. The whole fucking way that good jokes are made is that you say whatever you need to say to be funny. Not to please somebody, not to fucking get brownie points, just to whatever's gonna get to laugh, right? That's what we do. So a meritocracy. It's a fucking free-for-all as far as I'm concerned. But why do they gotta have shows where you gotta be gay to be on them? Is it because there ain't a lot of gay comics and they need opportunity? Or is it because they suck? Or is it because they're scared to say certain things? I feel like uh I feel like it's because it's safe.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

Comedy's not safe. It's not safe, but I uh I don't know, man. You know how uncomfortable. You know how uncomfortable it is to bomb, bro. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but those people probably never bomb in that scene of people. Like if you're only doing gay shit.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

Is that comedy then?

SPEAKER_01 55:45

I know a couple gay guys. Uh Lorenzo's cousin, he's a gay guy, Christian. Shout out to Christian. Uh he's cool as shit. And he's uh he's from DC. He rips and roars in DC, he's always on shows. I don't know like if he's like in the same scene as Gabe, but I know he's like he's he's good in what he does. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 56:09

I mean, I know a lot of good gay comics, very good. Like Michael Fear from Baltimore is a fucking killer, man. Jamie Mack. Yeah, she's pretty fucking funny. She just does shit everywhere. I see. There's a bunch of funny ones. That's not what I'm saying at all. But what I'm saying is there's a whole bunch of people I don't see do anything else but those shows, yeah, but'll pop up on those shows.

SPEAKER_01 56:34

And that's what I mean. So they'll only do those shows. And like out of the people we just named, you know, I bet even in their scene, I bet they're like, here goes fucking Charleston. You know?

SPEAKER_03 56:46

I just think the prerequisite for being on a fucking time uh a comedy show should be funny, not well it's not whose dick you suck or how what color your skin is or where you're from, or but at the same time, I don't have no problem with no all-girls show or no all dude show. I don't know if you could do it all if you could say all guys.

SPEAKER_01 57:07

I mean, you can just it's just weird, you know. But at that point it'd be just a comedy show.

SPEAKER_03 57:12

But then sausage. Sausage.

SPEAKER_01 57:15

But like what Sean said, you put like two chicks on a show, and then it's an all-woman show. Yeah, she's right. I like having a girl on a show. Right. Or like uh if you're uh a black dude on a show of white guys, you know, you're instantly the DEI pick, you know. Yeah, that's what I was preaching all weekend. I I never feel like that. Me neither. I was kidding. Right. I know that, but I know other motherfuckers that like preach and they're like, oh, what's DI splatter? Oh, that's just I'm like, does it matter? I I don't care. I'm gonna be with the funniest motherfuckers and I don't think and I know a bunch of funny black guys, but I know for me personally, the guys I think that are super fucking funny are the white guys. Even if they're not, I want to go in there and smash the white guys, you know what I'm saying, be the funniest like dude in the room.

SPEAKER_03 58:02

I think that there's a level of black comedian like that wants like Larry Lancaster. That motherfucker is funny, yeah, and a lot of people on his level kind of do the same thing, like the real, you know, they got jokes, but they're over the top, but they're yeah, and they're fucking with everybody and they're talking about local this and you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 58:26

And remember back the crab case, man. Shit, man.

SPEAKER_03 58:30

That shit, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:32

That shit makes me chess oysters, girls point, oh a little bit, a little bit like a preacher, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 58:40

That crazy lady that stopped yelling on Avenue, on the Avenue. I love him, man. He makes me laugh. Yo, uh like uh Aries. Aries makes me laugh. Like Spears? Yeah. Let's see what you talking about.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

No, I was talking about Larry Lancaster, but yeah, Nisa Smiles. Yeah, Aries Spears. Oh. Yeah, he makes me laugh too. See, man, I don't know. Like, I don't know how like how it is for you, man. Like But it's a different thing, kinda. Right, because I told you, like, when I when I especially when I first started, like when I go into a room, like I would see the uh other black guys that were in whatever scene, you know. Uh Tone had just brought him up in the last podcast. So I remember going to a competition and seeing him and seeing the type of fucking jokes he was doing, and they were hacking not funny. And I knew it then, you know what I'm saying? Back when I first started, and I knew like I wanted to not be that. I didn't want to go out there and be like, man, you know how when black people, man, my aunt, man, my aunt do the same shit, man. My mom do the same shit, man, because we're all black. Oh like it's fucking dumb. Like, that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. You see, I can get I can go up there and get laughs on that shit all fucking night until the cows come home, dude. But it's like I don't think people will really laugh at it though. You know how shitty I would feel like now, dude. You know how shitty I would feel coming home, fucking it's like you're worse than fucking the cable guy, you know what I'm saying? Because even him, like he's doing a character and it's funny, and you know, it takes a lot of care time to develop a fucking character, but when you're just out there pandering, dude, that takes nothing. You know what I'm saying? Like, I can't do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:18

You know, you giving me a fucking pandering complex. What? I didn't used to care. Yes, I didn't used to care.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

But now every time somebody goes, You're wasting people's time. You're right. You know what I mean? You're right. Go like do that shit in the streets and make money. You're right. The homeless lady who's outside is pandering. You're doing the same thing she's doing. Stop for no money. Stop it. She's doing it for money. You know what I mean? She's getting something.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:40

I didn't used to bother me. Now it bothers me. Every time somebody goes, give it up for you know, give us a hand. It's like how many hands can we give? Come on, man, for the first five minutes.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:51

And that's all you got. Now your time's up. You're like, let me get into a joke, man. Nah, nigga, you time. Here's the light. Get the fuck off stage. You know, that wouldn't even be bad if the jokes were good. Exactly, but they're never fucking never good. But you gotta be you gotta really pinpoint where you're fucking. It's important to be like, give it up for what's this month? I don't know. Give it up for uh Passover. And I'm saying you gotta be precise with that shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:18

Oh man. So what was the movie? You were just getting ready to tell me a movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:23

I fucking know anymore, man. I watched you wound up. Yeah, I watched half of fucking blood sport, and then I cut it off. Why? I fucking because uh you know why? Because I didn't understand why the white man was there with the Chinese people, and then when the Chinese son died, and then he was like, I'll take Uber from here. And then it just happened. They didn't like him. Now they didn't like him. And I like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:44

Yeah, they cut his brim off, and when he didn't blink, they knew that he had the thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:48

There was one black person and he was getting violently beat up by Chinamen.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:52

Oh, that uh they had that little monkey one that jumped around and karate chopped it him. Yes. There was another black dude too, the the uh one that was like this.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:05

Oh yeah. I might watch it tonight, dude. I might finish it tonight.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:08

Kumatech, Kuma Tech, man. Okay, USA. My brother, look, my brother was getting sentenced. Got sentenced to 20 years, and I was like, all right, you know, I got you, man. I'll come see you, blah, blah, blah. And in the courtroom with fucking shackles on, he goes, Okay, USA, from that movie, from Blood Sport. Does anybody laugh? No, me, I'm the only one that knew what it came from. You know, when they're first going into the basement and he doesn't believe he's Frank Dukes or whatever, and he makes him do the and he goes, Okay, USA.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:47

Me and my brother used to rewind it and watch it over and over again. She's like, and the fucking defendant said, okay. She walked out and he said, Okay, USA.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:01

They probably thought it was some kind of code or judge. Oh shit. They asked me, uh, they asked me at one point in questioning who was somebody. I can't remember who it was, but it was a joke between me and him. It was like saying Mark Spitz, who used to be a diver. I don't fucking know. And I was like, what are you talking about? You know what I've been watching, dude?

unknown 1:03:28

What?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:30

Waxing videos. What? I don't know why. No, it's better when it's men. Because they get so mad. So they get so mad, and they're fucking like there's this one with this Mexican dude, one with an Indian dude. So you know, Indian people got a little bit of hair, yeah, and they're rough, right? And it's coarse hair. She's got these uh sticks stuck up this dude's fucking nose, and his whole nostrils full of wax, and she's tugging on it, and it won't come. And he's going, ah, ah, what shut up, ah, ah. I just love watching that. I don't know why. And then when it comes out, it's got all the hair that was in his nostrils in the wax. Big fair hairy guys getting it ripped off their back. Oh man, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:20

It makes me laugh. I like watching people pop ingrown hairs and shit. Damn me, too. Like this African woman who chews gum very loudly when she does it. So she's like popping the gum and then she's like making faces like while she's like popping the niggas with ingrown hairs. It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:36

You ever see Dr. Pimple pop her?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

No. I've seen a couple of them. Asian. No, I don't know like her specifically. Haven't met her. No.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:46

I mean online. We haven't came across each other yet. She's got a show. Well, like it got she went from I think Twitter or Azure, but now she has a legit.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:55

Well, when I was in the can, I used to turn it on and they'd be like, Turn that shit off. Just making everybody mad in the pod, dude. Fuck you, it's medical.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:06

I'm learning. And drone videos. The drones that get the Russians.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:13

I don't watch that, but I watch the drones that go over Skid Row where the bitches be walking. Oh what kind of bitches? The women that sell it. Sell the poon? Yes, sir. The best kind.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:31

Hey man, do you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:32

If uh did Tiger Woods get arrested again? I seen the mugshot. I don't know if he got arrested, but I do know he looks super Asian. When he's drunk? I've only seen him drunk, so yes. I've never seen him sober, but I never really seen him that much.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:52

So I don't know if the my algorithm's fucking with me like it's an because I remember before he was on the side of route years ago he got. One.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:00

Somebody said he was chasing pussy. Like he was like up. See, this can't be true. I thought you would know a little bit more about it than me. But yeah, someone said he was like fucked up chasing pussy.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:11

In a car. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:12

Drunk. Drunk. Did he have pills in his pocket? I don't know. What type of pills does Tiger need? I heard uh opiates. That's what I read. Tiger's getting fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:23

But I don't know if it was from this incident. But I'm saying, man, he's had crazy surgeries. So I'm sure he's got scripts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:34

Damn, I didn't even think about that. Did you hear me getting the Bob Barker last night? No. You know he was afraid of black people. Like he didn't even want black people to like touch him. Bob Barker? Yeah, dude. Really? Yeah, he was the first price is right guy. Yeah, dude. They said uh they showed a clip of like that nigga is somebody. He was like, Come on down. Uh well, in the pot. You might want to bleep this out, so uh, well, nah, you don't got it to I can say it. Thank you. Uh he said, Come on down, nigga. Uh you want a free Nissan Ultima or something. Yeah. Did he said that? No, it was like black and white. Well that wasn't black and white, but it was like old. And uh this black lady came there, was like, congratulations, you won't. She's like trying to hug him. Uh huh. He's like, no, like, please don't touch me. Like, yeah, dude. I wonder if that's real. He's from he was like born in like the six, he grew up in like the sixties though. So yeah. Yeah, but I remember he had a black one of them girls. But he was like, I don't know if he like she was hot, dude. Yeah, he said uh if any of like his girls slept with like black guys or anything, he'd be like, nah, like I can't even touch you now. Like you'll bring back diseases. Yeah. Bob Barker. Really? Yeah, man. I'm gonna have to look that up. Look into that. I I seen on TikTok. That's gotta be true. You know it's real. They said Bob Barker's racist. I said, How high do you want me to jump? So I know he fought uh Adam Sandler twice.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:00

What? Why? Happy Gilmore, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:02

You never saw Happy Gilmore? He didn't, what he didn't like it? Oh, in the movie? Yeah. That movie fucking sucks. What? Yeah, Adam Sandler's Happy Gilmore. Fuck him in the best comedy movie. Oh my god! We'll fuck him in that guitar. Not Chris Farley. It's a guitar. Dude, what has Chris Farley ever said that was funny? Everything. Stop.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:30

Man, Chris Farley down by the river. Okay, that was funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:35

That was funny. I'm just mad because Adam Sandler is like not funny. You don't think he's funny? Adam Sandler? Yeah. Dude. I love Adam Sandler movies. I thought the voice is annoying. You know I don't like the voice. Anybody that does that voice. Yeah, whatever it is, it's fucking annoying. Yeah, I was telling somebody he had a good fucking movie, but I couldn't remember what it was. I think Happy Gilmore might be his best movie. No, dude. He had something that was better, man. When he fucked the uh The Teacher? Yeah, that was the only good movie I like in Grown Ups. I mean, fucking other than that, everything fucking sucked. Grown-ups? Was he in Grown Ups? Adam Sandler? Oh, yeah. That was his fucking movie. That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:15

I was thinking Step Brothers. Oh, yeah, I wish he was in the different family members. It's a great movie. Stepbrothers are good.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:23

Two fucking fucking haters. Will Farrell and that other guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:26

Yeah, right? Poor bastard. Nobody can. It's like fucking.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:31

He's super funny, man. He is. He's in everything.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:34

The um Talladega Knights is fucking good too. Dude, fuck. So you like Will Farrell, but you don't like Adam Sandler. Well, because Will Farrell's hilarious and funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:44

Adam Sandler. I like Adam Sandler movies, man. Why? Because they're fucking funny. Like which one? Happy Gilborn. One and two.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:52

You just like golf. No. Before I liked golf. You thought they were funny? I did. What was funny? Because he wasn't a golfer, he was a hockey player.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:59

And and fucking He's a hockey player. The football player movie. That one. That was it. The replacement. That's all he got. Replacements? No. Bobby Boucher. And he didn't have to. Oh, that was good too, Waterboy. Why he got taught like a retard and everything he did. Because he's retarded in Waterboy. But like that's the only way Adam Sandler is funny when he's playing a retard. Yes, so you know who did it better? Fucking uh Knoxville. John that one movie. Yep. Oh, that was good. My name's Jeffy. The best movie ever. That was the only time I can sit and watch. Yo, he nailed that. Yeah. You're right. I can sit and watch that whole thing and not be like, wow, this is fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:39

You never go full retard. Somebody, somebody came out of training big the other night and was complaining about the R word. And I was like, what word is that? And Michelle goes, retard, retard. And then we all started laughing.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:59

It's like seriously. Like, I called somebody a fag last night. Not once were uh was I talking about a gay man. Not once. You said he went to Woodbridge. What else should I call him? Fucking straight? Let's go to the next subject.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:13

Oh shit. Alright, I got a headline for you. I want you to try to figure out. Alright. Artemis two astronauts arrive at Florida.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:25

That means I'm real. What? You gotta start that over.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:28

All right, you ready? Artemis. Artemis II astronauts arrive at Florida launch site for four first trip to moon in 53 years.

unknown 1:11:40

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:42

Sounds like goddamn uh Narnia. The Artemis. You think we went to the moon? Yo, I heard there was some speculation about that. I think they wouldn't send a nigga to the moon first unless they were gonna leave him there. You know what I'm saying? Unless they was like, yo, fuck you. So, you know, for them, I don't know, man. I like to say they did, but you know, people still like to say the world's flat, so you know, I feel like I can believe whatever I want. You believe whatever you want.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:11

I think I think the moon is cheese. I have some uh some a little bit of reservations about saying that we didn't go to the moon because it was drilled into my head so bad my whole life.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:23

So were you saying the Indians went there first? Is that you're trying to make a joke about reservations?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:27

I was trying to make a new joke except the fact that we may not have went to the moon, we may have done it in a studio. That's what I heard. What studio you think? Studio 404, the bar and grill in the basement with the flicker camera.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:48

A little bit of coke. Making a silent film.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:00

They said you can see wires and the flag moves when you walk by it. Yeah, right, man. I don't know, man. You gotta watch that shit. Alright. Um so so do you think they're going again?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:12

I hope they send like four people, like the Fantastic Four, and then they just come back all like dead.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:18

I think one of them's a woman.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:21

I'm pretty sure. Women go up into space, you know, with their parts. What do you think? Their uterus just blows up. Yeah, just falls out. Like I'm gonna go. That's gravity. That's how gravity works, right? Because they're just always open.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:35

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:37

Right?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:37

When there's no air pressure, their vagina just eats their bottom half.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:41

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:42

Their blood pressure's too high, dude. They just lose all their intestines out of their badge.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:47

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:49

I was tired before this thing. I'm really up now. Feel a little ready to go.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:54

Um, we're at an hour and 13, man. We'll wrap it up.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:57

Yeah, man, it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:58

Um what we got coming up? Uh this will come out. Not next week, but next week. So it'll be the week before uh Big Swings. Big Swings April 25th at Dream Big Venues with Gabe Papaskew.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:15

Yeah, April 25th at Dream Big Venues. I think then uh sometime after that. I'll be in PA. I'll be doing some shows in PA. Uh, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:25

You're going up the you're leaving the next day, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:28

The next day, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:29

Yeah. Hey, do me a favor, man. When you talk to uh he won't be there Saturday. Nope, he won't be there. But I'll drop, I'll fucking just shoot it to him. Just give me him my contact information. He'll remember me. I want to go through there because I think I'm going to New England in July. No, no, no. In yeah, yeah, the end of July.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:51

You gotta take a picture of like Tom Brady with like some soup.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:54

You know, I saw Metallica at Gillette Stadium.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:56

Yeah. Yeah, man. It was fucking amazing. I had a Metallica shirt for a while.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

Yeah? Didn't even know why. I was a young man. I gave my son$400 in a Metallica ticket. Right? Tonight? No. No. I don't have$400 in my name. I gave my son$400 in a Metallica ticket. Two Metallica tickets so he could take a friend. Oh shit. He gave his friend$100 and he spent all the rest in the gift shop. Just on merch.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:32

On merch. That's probably the best part of the concert. But he got some cool shit, man. I ain't gonna lie. I would have blew my shit on the concession stand and everyone would have been upset.$400, all on the concession stand, I'm sure. Jesus. Yeah. Just hot dogs. Yeah. Probably would have just been giving them out. Can't eat$400. That's like what, seven hot dogs?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:52

Well, he didn't have to spend it there. It's not like I was like, you got to spend it here. Here's your present. Just burned a hole in his pocket.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:59

I was kind of proud of No Daddy that he gave because the dude we took didn't really have anything, you know. It was a miracle. He'll never he yeah. He was on from an unfortunate household. So I am so glad he got to go and hang out in Boston and eat good food. And he actually got given a guitar by my uncle.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:23

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:24

Yeah, man. He got treated like a king for a week, you know what I'm saying? So hopefully he'll remember that.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:28

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:29

I'm sure he's all right, man. Until next week. Yes, sir. We got Michelle coming on next week. Your wife. All right, buddy, love you.