OGYN #30 Cinco De Mayo with half a Mexi, solo

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     In this episode Joe celebrates Cinco De Mayo by doin a solo episode. Izzy had too many women crawling on him and got buried under multiple white women. Joe talks about the history of Cinco De Mayo and the truth about the French.  FuthaMucka hang outs, the shop, the rats nest bar are all part of the middle rant.  He asks where all the adults in society? Gambling, weed and Headlines last.  Show @dccomedyloft on May 15th.   joespaincomedy.com for tickets. follow @joespaincomedy on IG   Donate at $joespaincomedy on cash app  love

     Joe and Izzy chop it up and tackle all the tough issues with comedy. Live Show tix joespaincomedy.com 

Thank you to everyone who laughs with us. Please Like, Share and comment to keep us improving. Spread the laughter. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:32

La Cucaracha La Cucaracha Oh another OGYN podcast. Here's your boy Joe Spain. Hoping I'm spreading some single de Mayo love around the world. Half a Mexican I am, man. Half I'm fucking Maxi. Can you believe that shit? My dad was actually from Calaphone IA. And his mama didn't speak out of English.

SPEAKER_07 1:02

Go back to your fucking country, essay.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

This is gonna be weird. I'm just gonna I'm just talking to you guys, man. We're just gonna riff. We're gonna hang out. I'm gonna uh do some headlines. Isaiah's not with me this week. The real YM part of the OGYN podcast is sick. Down and out. It's that time of year, man. That pylon shit is thick. It's all over everything every morning. You gotta wipe it off the fucking backup camera so you can see where you're going in reverse. Wipe it off your windshield to get that green slime dripping down the side of your truck. I swang, I swang. Yeah, that's what we like. Yeah, man. So he ain't feeling so good. Um, so I was just gonna talk to you guys about some things. I didn't want to not put out a podcast this week. Um, you know, I'm dedicated.

SPEAKER_05 1:58

Dedicated.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Get everybody, give everybody a little break from reality, hopefully, man. Try not to be too serious around here. Oh my god, what a show on uh Friday night. Riley Mason, Smiley Riley on Instagram through a show. Um I featured for Mark Joyner, my man Izzy was on the show as well, and Zach Spicer. What a show, man. It just ramped right up. Everybody murdered, it was fun, it was really good, man. It felt really nice. Um, everybody was real positive.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

It was cool, man. It was cool, it was cool.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

So today is I am recording on May the 5th. Got me a modello especial, which actually isn't my favorite modello. I like the Negro modello very much better. Very much better. Speaking of bad French accents, Cinco de Mayo's actually the celebration of Mexico's victory over the French Empire in the Battle of Puebla.

SPEAKER_07 3:09

Puebla, a female village, a little village that's a female because it ends with an A.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

That was in 1862. And then in uh a little while later, Mexico actually lost the second battle. And he's out of there. So the French and um, I guess it was the Mexican conservatives. So it was like all fucked up. You know, like the government's all fucked up today. It was always been all fucked up. You know, people fighting over land and power, normal fucking shit.

SPEAKER_07 3:46

So after the American Civil War got done, then it was time for the American industrial arms complex, the military industrial complex to start, yes. Um, we have all these guns and muskets and armaments.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

And what do you know? There's a bunch of liberals, Mexi Libs, we'll call them, in Mexico.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Let's push them back, push them out of there.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

And that's how they got the French out of Mexico. So vivo la fucking France. Napoleon, uh, it was Napoleon the third. I'm a third, I'm a Spain the third, my son's the fourth. I hope he does something big. I'm running out of time. Oh, that's not funny. It's weird laughing at yourself. Hopefully, somebody laughed with me. Um, a lot of people think that Siga de Mayo is Mexican Independence Day, but that is actually incorrect. Not right. Not Mexican Independence Day. It is what I just said it was. Mexican Independence Day is September 16th. Need a party. Party for the Mexican Independence Day. Woo! That's right after my birthday. Woo! Good movie. Oh Donna. Oh, Donna. You know, I've known a lot of Donna's in my life. Oh yeah. I actually know what this means now. Yeah, man, so Izzy keeps me in line, man. Izzy's not here, so I just this oh, what's this brand called? Hold on. This podcast today has been brought to you by Curio Wellness. Curio Wellness does not support this podcast in any way, and nothing I say reflects any of the views or opinions of Curio Wellness as a company. Okay. So this one is called Indian Spice. It's 32.28% THC. Um the total terps is 2.24. So not giant big terps, but pretty good. It's high in terpenaline, so it's got that real, you know, make my make me want to talk about some shit. So it's a good one. Um it's a good one. You know what I'm saying? It's a good one for a podcast.

unknown 6:44

All right.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

What else do people want to talk about? Mexican Independence Day. We already partied. I got me uh it's also brought to you by Modello. Modello in no way uh sponsors this message in no way has any affiliation with the OGYN podcast or any of its affiliates. The focus all comedy on uh I think I got Instagram. Yeah, it is on Instagram, but it's really on YouTube. We just did another big swings um with Sean Show. Why can't I say Sean sometimes? Song See, I did it again. What the fuck? Sean Savoy, um, his silly ass came down and we did a big swings, and we got a little too stoned before it. A little too high, a little bit sensitive. I was but it turned out okay, it's gonna be fun. Uh Showstopper Media is is uh editing that now, so that should be up any day. Again at Cinco de Mayo now. So, you know, give him a couple days, man. It takes a while. He had like seven fucking cameras, way too many, man. He way overkilled this one, but hopefully it'll look cool and everybody can enjoy it. Somebody asked me the other day. Uh we were talking about music. The music that we play in the big for nobody people that don't know, the music we play in the beginning of the show most of the time, when it's not Cinco de Mayo, is my old band, Father Moko. And it we I played music and toured the country for years with the same, basically the same five guys, man. Me being one of the five. It's a fucking wild time of my life. Half-assed lookily bullshit famous enough not to make money, but to not like have to pay for beers, and you know, people would recognize me here and there, and I get a fucking my Taco Bell for free or something. But nothing like real good, you know what I'm saying? But uh man, I was thinking today I was riding down the road in complete silence, and I was thinking at the height of our popularity, we put out our second album. Um, it was called Survive, Adapt, Overcome, because we had been through this real rough time of fucking abuse. Uh my one my uh my guitar player, yeah, it was just bad. Everybody had something go fucking bad. And while it was all going bad, we were partying, like partying, having a great time. But, you know, I guess everything kind of, you know, you kind of reap what you sow, as they say. But we had these fucking, we used to call them the posse full of hoes, because we were like in our I don't know, 23, 24, 25 years old, whatever. And these girls were like 19. And they would hang out and we would have great times. Maybe they're 20, I don't know. Don't let me tell myself. And uh, I didn't have sex with any of them or anything, but I think some people did, and um, I think we'd just be naked everywhere, just be naked people everywhere. And uh, I think I saw one of them. We used to call her num tongue, num tongue ho. That's what we used to see when we seen her. Whenever she walked in somewhere, it'd be like, Num tongue ho. She told us a story one time that she got uh she got her tongue pierced, and her tongue went numb for like I don't know, month. And she was real vulgar. I'm not gonna tell you her real name. She knows who she is if she's out there somewhere, and she was real vulgar, like real vulgar. I loved it.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Yeah, even when I sucked the fucking dick, I couldn't feel my fucking tongue. She was he was a mess, man. She was like, I love that chick.

SPEAKER_03 10:43

We hang out at this place called we called it the ski lodge because it was like a it was on a river, but it had like cathedral ceilings in this one room. So like when you came out of the bedrooms, you came out onto like a balcony. And if you stood on the balcony, there was like a fireplace that went all the way from the first floor. It was stone, and it went all the way to the top of the like the the underside of the roof. The ceiling was the underside of the roof, it was all cathedral like that. So it was a big open living room and and um you know dining room kind of set up down below there. Man, it was probably I don't know, two, twenty two hundred square feet, uh if that two thousand square feet. We had fucking hundred people in there a couple times, man, just uh partying our asses off. New Year's Eve was people fucking on the balcony, people everywhere. It was insane, it was so fun. We had a uh somebody's grandma died during that period of time. The same period of time as a ski lodge was going on, this lady died named Hilda. It was my friend Mark something, and uh she had this. We just went to her house. I don't even remember how it happened. I don't remember how it came into my possession. I'm sure it was through somebody else, but um all of her prescriptions because it didn't wasn't back then, it wasn't like it is now. Like it has to be the first thing everybody would would get rid of or to be safe with. Back then it was like, yeah, take what you want. You know, it's heart medication, it's this, it's that. And it weren't a bunch of good stuff in there, but there was uh some Xanax in there. Um my homeboy, he he just passed away, but he ate a whole fistful of Xanax one time and got taped to this recliner in the ski lodge, and my boys kept wanting to throw him out on the river. The river was frozen, so they wanted to slide him out there, but I wouldn't let him do it. But he ain't he ain't died from that, he died from drugs like 25 years later. And then uh what was I talking about? Oh, Hilda's Bag. There was some uh I wrote a song about it. It was called Hilda's Bag, and I think it was on the first Father Munga album with the collage on the front, the self-titled album. I think it was right at the end of when we were recording that, we wrote that song. That was one of the last songs that got on that album, I believe. It was a good song, but it was all about the ups and downs of Hilda's bag because you never knew what you were gonna get. If you were gonna get fucking Adderall or you were gonna get Xanax, or you were gonna get dick pills, or you were gonna get caffeine pills, or you were gonna get lithium, or you're gonna you know you just never knew. Never knew what kind of day it was gonna be, and it was a gallon Ziploc bag full of pills outside of the bottles, yeah. Like Skittles, like fucking retarded. How we all lived through that, I'll never fucking know. At that same time, we had this bar, but it wasn't a bar, it was like a place where everybody met in like a garage. And is this boring you? I'm sorry. No, I'm just getting in this garage. This is gonna this is gonna how it's gonna have to be. This might go all over the place. So if you if you ain't if you ain't with me, skip. Next episode, we got guests, and Izzy will be back. I love him too. I don't I don't blame you one bit. Anyway, we had this bar that was in this shop that was loosely uh, I would say insulated and the door closed, but it wasn't insulated, but it had a wood stove in it. So if you stood semi-close to the wood stove, you would be wormish. But if you got away from the wood stove, it you might as well be outside. Um, back in the back corner of it, that there was a little room upstairs. Well, under that room, we cleared out some space and took a piece of countertop and made a bar, and we named it the Rat's Nest because there was shit everywhere. There was like some cars, some old cars up in there. There was a piece of a motorcycle, there was like fenders up on the wall. You could see the insulation hanging out of the walls, um, like animal skulls, tools, uh welders, air compressors, just shit everywhere. But we just cleared out enough space to stand in there. We'd back the truck out, the jeep, we'd back it out, and that would be our spot where we could chill. And when he pulled the jeep in, you had to be in the rat's nest, so it could only be six to ten people. So we'd be in his rat's nest. And it was rules. So there was a it was a line in the concrete. And if you were standing behind the line, which meant you were in the rat's nest, quote unquote, and you spilled a beer or you made a mess, not only did you have to clean it up, but you had to spin the wheel of misfortune. We put this wheel on the wall, it was all fucking lopsided. And it had a little tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, like the wheel of fortune, but up on the wall, like, you know, like it had shit on it. But we wrote the stuff on it. Stuff we wrote was like, um, do a dance. That was the easiest one. Everybody wanted do a dance. You'll see why. And one other one was wear a hat. Well, if you didn't have a hat on, you couldn't wear the hat you had on, you had to wear another hat. So it was all these hats around the rat's nest. One of them was an actual rat that had been dead, and the dogs that stretched it out when it got wet and it dried, and then it got wet again, and the dogs fought over it and stretched it out, so it made like this fucking piece of rubbery hide with little patches of hair on it. That was one of the hats that you had to wear. Um, there was one that was like a cowboy hat, but when it was made out of straw, and everybody was like, Oh yeah, that's easy. But they'd put it on and it would stab your fucking forehead because all the little pieces of straw were broken on the inside. And you're like, no, no, no, you couldn't take it off. It didn't matter if you took it off, you just put scratches all over your forehead, it was fucked up. So there was always fucked up hats. Some of the worst ones, though, was uh bar's choice, and the way that the thing was lopsided, the probability of you getting barr's choice was pretty fucking high, man. Fucking bar's choice was rough. Rough. What bar's choice was, you get a there was this cup, it was, I don't know, probably like a 32-ounce cup. Everybody at in the bar got to pour a little bit of something in that cup. Most of the time, it was alcohol, but it was liquor and beer and wine and wine coolers, and you know, it was all different kinds of stuff. So it would fuck you up, but sometimes sometimes there'd be a jar of jalapeno, pickled jalapeno juice, or an old jar of lime. We used to have a fucking uh a bar in there so where we can make bloody merry as we went through a bloody Mary, and we had a little refrigerator, well the sour cream juice that would sit on top of it and get green. Sometimes they'd put that shit in there. Sometimes they anything you like you couldn't spit or piss or shit in it, but mustard, um, some people would use pepper, some people, everything, man. And I seen motherfuckers take that to the head, and you had to drink it to the head, and everybody would go to the head and hold their fucking drink up, and everybody would chug whatever drink they had in their hand. But this poor bastard had 32 ounces of whatever the fucks anybody put in it, man. I seen many people with hinges on their heels. Boom. That place was rough, man. So much fun, though. So much fun. It was like a retreat. Get in there, man, get away from everybody. Most people were scared to come in there because they didn't want to spin the wheel. That wheel was rough, man. That wheel put people down. Oh shit. And if anybody wanted to do hard drugs, they had to go upstairs. You couldn't do them out in the open. So I like that rule too. So that way all kinds of people would hang out. You didn't scare people off. I I thought about this then, man. That point in my life was so fun. But I thought by this point in my life, I would know where the adults are. I keep waiting a meetle, man. Like these people in charge, they no smarter than me or dumber than me, or or you know I'm saying a lot of them are dumber than me, actually. A lot of them are not very bright at all. They're not adults. They still fucking you're like, yeah, man, that was a long time ago. He, you know, he don't think like that no more. He's a lawman now, or he's a cop, or he's uh, you know, this or he's a that, you know, he's seen some things. Sometimes, but sometimes, man, just let motherfucker act just the same. He's just a grown-up, grumpy ass version of his old ass self. People don't change unless they want to change themselves. So they just fall into the same old fucking habits. Just don't be one of them people, man. Be cool, be people happy, be happy. When people see you, they should be happy to see you. Let's try to spread some joy around this motherfucker. Damn. This dumbass will run into the White House. Y'all see this shit? This motherfucker, I don't know if this shit's real or not, man. Of all the things in the world that you're gonna do, you're just gonna take a running start and just Who the fuck do you think you think you're the flash motherfucker?

SPEAKER_02 21:20

I mean, come on, man, you gotta have a better plan than that. Did y'all see that video? That shit was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

That dude just let off a shot. I don't know what the story is now, but I think originally they were saying somebody died, but now somebody got shot and it had a vest. I don't fucking know. But I heard a shot and I seen like them kind of half ass getting people out of there, I guess. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

I know a lot of motherfucking people left their old ladies. A lot of people was gone. Them men's was gone. Motherfuckers. Turn around, bitch. Defend your lady, bitch. Damn. You hear one shot going off and you running? The fuck is wrong with you, man? Damn. What happened to women that children first? You punk bitch. One little shot, and it's way away from you. There's hundreds of people between you and the shot. Make sure your old lady's good. You fucking bitch.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Damn. Alright, sorry about that. It's thinking to buy a man. I need some joy. Yeah, I was getting ready to get on a plane one time, going from one Mexican place to another Mexican place, and they told me Sorado means closed. So they told me when I got up to the counter after waiting for three or four fucking hours in a hot goddamn airport where nobody spoke English. And I didn't speak half as much Spanish as I speak now. And I knew what she said when she said it. No. I was like, oh my god. I started throwing luggage, man.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

My fucking wife was crying. My kid was scared.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

I did feel bad about that though. I ain't gonna lie. Alright, let's bring it back up. Modelo Espacio. Alright, cool. Now we're back on Singular Time. It is funny though, man, if you like, if you listen to that shit or you watch something happen, if you can watch it and not get emotionally attached to any of the ideas, it's always a bad idea to get emotionally attached to ideas anyway. They're just ideas. They can change. You know what I'm saying? And if they don't change, you're a dumb fuck. You're a dullard. Your idea as you get more information, you should change your mind. You know me, I change my mind about shit all the time. You know, I didn't know that before. So now that I do, okay, maybe I was wrong. That's what a man does. Motherfuckers that double down and double down and double down are bitches. Bitches. And it don't matter if they're women or they're men or what color they are or what they represent, they're bitches. I'm on a bitch kick. Then you realize, all right, so this thing happens, anything happens, and it happens, and then you see it change. You see the same motherfuckers start to fucking say different shit about the same event. They start bending how it happened or why it happened or what it means. Or best thing you can do, man, is make up your own fucking, don't listen to them, don't get attached to it and just laugh at the fact that they just try to tell you what it means. Don't tell me what it means. I know one motherfucking thing. If we don't fucking figure out how to make gas cheaper than four fucking 50. And I'm saying 450 because it's Maryland, but I know in other places it's a lot goddamn more. I don't know, man. Gotta figure out something. Straight a whore moves. You can watch it, and then you just realize it's all fucking fake. It's all fucking facade. You know what I mean? It's all like, like, uh, it's not, I'm not even talking about politics or fucking. I'm just talking about news and the way it's fed to you. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. You see six people on a corner holding signs, and then you go back to your house and you fucking see it on TV and there was a demonstration. I really, really, come on now. I've with my own eyes, I saw them say that there was some kind of uh El Nino windstorm and flights were being delayed out of Phoenix, Arizona. I was in Phoenix, Arizona. Flights weren't being delayed because of goddamn some weird fucking windstorm. There was no goddamn windstorm. And what fucking plane can't fly in a fucking wind? You know what there's plenty of at fucking 30,000 feet? Winds. There's lots of winds. Anyway, it was because they had to fire so many people because they didn't take the damn shot. They were short-staffed. But they didn't want to say that. Or even if the airlines wanted to say it, they didn't want to report that. Horse's mouth to my ears. Yeah, they told us gambling was the double.

SPEAKER_07 27:18

Gambling's the double. If we like gambling in all these places, it's the devil.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

Now they make a buck off of it. It's on every fucking, every time you turn the TV on, every billboard, ah, events at the casino. I like gambling. I mean, I ain't against it. I'm not judging. I'm just saying don't be a fucking hypocrite. And when it changes, you look at me like I'm stupid. I ain't stupid, man. I remember. I remember Rambo 3. In Rambo 3, we were arming the Afghans to fight the Russians. Remember that? They were playing uh horse jockey, whatever the fuck it's called, with the the sheepskin thing on the horses. Uh-huh. And Rambo was doing good. Like fucking Sylvester Stallone's short ass is gonna be out reached down off a horse and come on, man. What are we talking about? But we were arming the Afghans. The Afghans were our were uh Rambo, I was gonna say Rocky. They were his friends in that movie. Fast forward 20 years, all of a sudden, they're the devil. Afghans are the devil. I'll tell you, just watch it change. That's all you gotta do. Just relax. Don't form any kind of emotion about the subject, and just take a breath. Take a breath. And watch everybody else say everything's stupid and get all fucking wound up and it's yeah, yeah, it's this way, it's that way. Chances are in 10 minutes they're gonna be saying the opposite shit because whoever is fucking hand spoon feeding them that shit is gonna change their mind and they're gonna spoon feed it differently, and then that person's not even gonna realize the hypocrisy of their bullshit. That's how it usually happens. But we're not like that. That's right. We're woke. I mean, not woke, we're awake. Yeah. Something people love having power over people, you know what I'm saying? That's what it all boils down to. It all boils down to that, man. You gotta check that shit. I think it's like a human. It's like part of us. We don't even know we got you just you know you gotta you gotta kick. It's always something dull, too. It's always something dull. Doing some some job that, you know, I don't I don't envy them. They're probably used to doing a job like, you know, setting out the cones for the traffic in the morning. You know what I mean? And they put them a little tight so you can't go to the side of the road. And you you hit one and you, you know, and you're apologetic about it, and this motherfucker wants to pop off like his whole world. It's what if you draw get over, get over, you know, it's the same thing with you know, the police getting a bad rap. That's that's why. Because they they want to be so in control of the situation, and it's some of the people, there's a lot of good cops, don't get me wrong. They've never been in control of anything in their fucking life. They're picked on, or you know, they haven't been in any kind of of situation of of control, um, or or where they've had any power over people, and then they get it and they don't know what to do with it, and they abuse it. It's not just cops, it's everybody, it's the person at the fucking grocery store. It's the it's all of us. You gotta check that shit, man. You gotta check that shit. It's not about you, bro. It's not about you, bro. That person didn't that person wasn't even thinking about it. I I got a good friend of mine, Harp, Baldy Harp. My man used to say, Don't nobody care about you, Joe Spain. Because I would get bent about something like, and I didn't understand it for some years, man. He's a little bit older than me, but I guess I was just a knucklehead, or I had my head up my ass, or whatever. I'd be like, man, why that motherfucker cut me off? Or why that motherfucker bump in front of me in line, or I'd be ready to fight. Maybe I'll don't nobody care about you, Joe Spain. He always thinks somebody was trying to, he wasn't even worried about you. He was in a hurry, he had a shit, or many years of therapy. I understand. People don't do things to spite other people, man. They do things to please themselves or to make themselves more convenient. And I think you should be considerate and hold doors for people, and chivalry is cool, and yes, ma'am, no, ma'am. I'm all about all that shit, man. I love people. People think I'm weird sometimes because I'm so nice. They're like, man, this motherfucker, something's wrong with this motherfucker. He is way too nice. He wants something. I really don't want nothing, man. I just believe I'll treat you nice until you make me not, and then you're dead to me. I'm not gonna let you like me holding a grudge against you, don't hurt nobody but me. Then I got then I'm then I'm like, you know, every time I'm around you, I'm punching your fucking face. I just rather not even think about you. Or you're dying. Bastard I'm gonna need you to stand over here, sir. What you mean, man? I'm in line. It's cold in here, I'm standing in the sun. No, I'm sorry, sir. Two tile fifth way is the line. You're not allowed to be over there. What the fuck are you talking about, bro? I'm just standing in the sun. You got nothing better to do? You people know what I'm talking about. You just gotta be sure not to do it to other people. All the time, man. Somebody be trying to like. Your little world is not that important, man. But if you make it all about you and you spread negativity all the fucking time, that's self, that shit is self, yeah. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a it's a it just spreads badness and then badness comes back to you, and then all of a sudden you're crying because you got a dark cloud. It's not a dark cloud, bitch. It's your shitty ass attitude. Spread laughs, pinch booties. I like to pinch booties sometimes. Sometimes, today I pinched my partner's balls. Not actually his balls, but like the inside of his thigh. He laughed for like 45 minutes. It was worth of all the Hispanics calling me gay for a little while.

SPEAKER_05 34:00

Pinchy Maricorn, pinchy made corn, pinchy made corn, Mama Liberty guy.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Yeah, man, they're hard on me, man. I love those guys. Now you see that uh everybody flipping the script on immigration because can't nobody get no work done. Like, not here yet, not on the east coast, it doesn't seem, but in certain areas they're having problems, I guess. So fucking wasn't in getting ready to switch up on that. You know, this modello especially ain't that bad. Alright, check this out. Netflix. Remember Netflix when they started. I told my dad too, man. He didn't listen to me. I wish I had money. Maybe he ain't had no money, I don't know. Buy Netflix because it was a good idea with movies. This is when they just had the DVDs that they would send in the little red envelope to your house, and you would pay for the service, and you would get it and send it back, and you could just have a constant flow of movies, so you didn't have to buy movies no more. And then there was Gamefly was the same thing with games. And I told dad, my dad, right there, buy into that, buy into Netflix, because there's no reason for people to own DVDs anymore. This is pre-I guess the DVD's digital, but you know, this is pre uh MP3, you know, real player, all that bullshit, storing it on your fucking hard drive, all that shit. You had to have a a disc. So I think Netflix was like eight dollars a share or fucking something stupid and cheap. And it was popping, man. It was a good thing, and then all of a sudden the internet forgot. It was internet then, but it got in every home in America. Almost. So then you could have movies like service for$7.99 a month. You could watch movies. Or I think it was$5.99 maybe when it started.$4.99, who fucking knows? Whatever it was,$99.

unknown 36:38

99.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

We say$99 when the boss was coming. We were hollering out measurements like somebody be up on the roof cutting, and somebody would be on the ground cutting plywood. So the guy up on the roof would be the lookout. You know, so everybody's 99 as a measurement. As soon as they say 99, everybody, tell you not, tell you not, the boss. Anyway, what was I talking about? 99. Oh yeah. Netflix. So then you could get the service. And when it became prevalent, and it was on PlayStation, and it was on and then smart TVs, oh my god, smart TVs, fuck man.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

There's no such thing as DVDs no more. Every TV has Netflix.

SPEAKER_05 37:30

And then oh my god, they start making content.

unknown 37:36

Netflix makes content.

SPEAKER_05 37:39

We all love Netflix. We all love Netflix.

SPEAKER_03 37:42

Oh, it's gonna go up a little bit. And if you want, you can pay a little bit more and not have commercials. Wait a minute?

SPEAKER_01 37:53

I didn't have fucking commercials. What do you mean? I gotta pay a little more and then I can pay a little more and not have commercials.

unknown 38:03

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 38:04

Then you got Amazon, you got all of them. So now we've gone through this whole evolution, this whole coming out of the box, this whole deconstruction of traditional fucking media, you know, the internet, the internet, the internet, only to fall right back into it. It's the same thing. I mean, it's better. There's more, there's a larger catalog. When you ought shit, doesn't matter. There's lots of differences. But the truth of the matter is the the commercial when you went to cable TV, you were paying for cable, so HBO didn't have commercials. So you know, you're paying for it, so you're paying for the service. You don't need to pay a fucking advertiser. But now they sneak them back in there, and you got to pay more not to have them. And you know, I still don't think you can ever get rid of them all. Jesus Christ, turn on any sporting event. All over the mat, all over the field, all over the wall, the ice, the grass, the ceiling, the fucking whatever we're playing on. What kind of other services? The concrete, there's ads, the clues. Some motherfuckers got them on their back. I'm telling you for real, though, I paint some shit on my back for 50k. Sign me up. I I couldn't run one mile, I'd run 26 with some bullshit painted on my back for the right amount of money. I don't know if 50k is enough because my feet would be fucked up if I ran 26 miles.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Man, gotta get in a better mood.

SPEAKER_05 39:47

Ooh. Yeah. Cinco the Mayo.

SPEAKER_03 39:53

Cinco the Mayo. Cinco de Mayo. Alright. Who do you think the hottest Hispanic chick is? Celine Dion. No, she's French.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

They kicked her out of Mexico City in 1862. Looks like she's been around that long.

SPEAKER_03 40:14

Um Salma Hayak. She's pretty fucking hot. Um, let me think. Catherine Zeta Jones. That's gorgeous. Yep. J-Lo. J-Lo. J-Lo's uh Puerto Rican, I think, right?

SPEAKER_05 40:33

Puerto Rico!

SPEAKER_03 40:35

Oh Chica Loca, holla. Chica Loca, Pau Rico. I think she's Puerto Rico too. Chica Loca? Comedian out of I guess like Wilmington Philly area. She's been around for a minute.

SPEAKER_04 40:49

Trica Loca. Trica Loca. Ooh.

SPEAKER_07 40:59

Ooh, I like my little kisses. Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

That's my that's my song for partying. Partying will sink into Mayo. Alright. I've had enough fun with you guys for a minute. Let's do some uh let's do some headlines. Don't forget to follow me on Joe Spain Comedy on Instagram. Joe Spain Comedy. It matters. I had something kind of go a little bit viral today, I guess. I mean, not really viral, but he got a thousand views in 12 hours. So that means it was mildly amusing, I guess. I did my butthole, but part of my butthole sun. Butthole sun, won't you come? 30 seconds a day of butthole sun will keep the doctor away. Vitamin D. Vitamin D, and I don't mean dick. Vitamin D, like you get from milk. It's good for your immune system. It helps you not get COVID. Alright. That's what we gotta say about that. Alright, listen. I'm just gonna do this raw. Um we're just gonna look at the news. I'm just gonna look at the news. And whatever my stupid fucking algorithm tells me is the news today. And I'm not gonna uh I'm not gonna get fucking crazy. I'm not gonna get crazy with it. Alright. First one fucking makes me want to throw up. Alright, here we go. FDA announces its first authorization of flavored vapes for adults in major shift under Trump. Let me just say this. Okay. About this fucking relate this. I mean it's related, but if you own nothing else on the faith of this planet, you own your fucking bag of bones and your conscience and your body.

SPEAKER_07 43:20

And as long as you're not hurting or impeding anyone else, life, liberty, or pursuit of happiness, you should be able to do whatever it is that you want to do with your own body.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

Amen. I mean, come on, man. If you ain't out stealing, you see these motherfuckers shaking, laying in the fucking street shaking on that uh crocodile shit, trying to do heroin, and it's got some other kind of crazy tank in it or something. And man, they be trying to dig into the ground, but on their side, in the Rain on concrete, trying to dig into the ground like a sideways mole with four legs. But yeah, that shit is fucking people up. And you worried about flavored vapes? Come on, man. Come on, man. Tell me, don't let her, you know, don't let them put shit out there that's gonna kill you over. But I think the free market will probably weed that out. You know? It's six or eight fuckers that walk out of the vape shop, fucking smash their head on a fucking concrete dead. I'm pretty sure people are just gonna stop buying those fucking vapes. Sorry that if that sounds cold, that I don't care about six or eight people sucking on fucking strawberry robot dicks and falling death in the fucking pot. I'm what? In the fucking parking lot. I combined parking lot into pot. That's what pot does to your brain. Again, it's uh curio wellness. They have no affiliation or uh sponsorship whatsoever with this podcast, but uh the strain is Indian spice 32.28% T H C A terpeniline terpenaline, baby. We like that one. Yes, right. Alright. So um it should be authorized. You should be able to do what you want. They should put salvia back on the market. As long as you don't give it to little kids. Who gives a fuck? Shut the fuck up. DMT, do it. Do it. Mushrooms, do it. Nobody's died from mushrooms in 2,000, 10,000 years.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Jesus, just do it.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

Don't fucking abuse it. But, you know, a lot of people just abuse it finding out how to use it. If you know what I'm saying. Like, you know, a lot of people get fucked up on alcohol, you know, in their in their college days, and then end up being okay social drinkers the rest of their life. Is that still okay? Are you still allowed to be a social drinker? I think. I think you are. I see rich rich people drinking whiskey and smoking cigars, so it must be acceptable. I do shows in DC and Northern Virginia, and that's what they're doing. And everybody's happy, everybody's laughing because that's what I do.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

I spread left.

SPEAKER_03 46:37

All right, here we go. All right, next one. Actually, this is next one down, which is weird. It's a Washington Post article. Trump lashes out at Pope Leo again, ahead of Marco Rubio's trip to Rome. I thought Pope Leo was the cool one. Ain't he from here? Ain't he American? Ain't he the first American Pope? From like Boston.

SPEAKER_05 47:05

He's probably like, all right, Chump, listen here, faggot. I don't want your bullshit fucking mock Rubio in my fucking country. You're right. You're right. I'm from Boston. Boston Yard. And you ain't bringing Marty fucking Rubio over here. We don't want him over here.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

I think he's actually Italian. So I don't know if that was a good accent or not, but I think that's what Leo said to Trump. Oh, it said Trump lashes at Pope Leo. So maybe he's like, okay, Pope Leo. It's gonna be the biggest, the baddest, the trip bettdest trip ever. You're the worst. Your sage smells so bad, it's so bad, it's the worst. It's the worst, it's the worst smelling sage ever. Pope Leo, your crackers suck. Your your flesh of Christ. It's the worst, it's the worst, Pope Leo, it's the worst. Your wine, your wine's bitter. The blood of Christ is bitter, Leo. I'm lashing. I don't know if that's what he said or not. Oh man, let's get cancelled. Alright. Let's find another one. Let's see. NASA released thousands more photos from Artemis 2. Here are nine of the best. That's probably a horrible one for me to read on an audio-only fucking podcast. But go check it out. It's an NBC News article, and there's only one on there, and it looks like the fingernail moon. You know how when the moon gets like a little fingernail and it gets so cute?

SPEAKER_04 49:00

Look, honey, it's the fingernail moon. Oh my god. It's so special. Oh my god, it reminds me of my engagement ring.

SPEAKER_03 49:16

You know, the little fingernail moon. Well, in this picture, it's like the earth. So it's from Artemis on the back side of me. The dark side of the moon. And you can see the earth's shadow on the, I mean the moon shadow on the earth, and it's making so it's a fingernail earth.

SPEAKER_04 49:40

Oh, how special it's the fingernail. Thank you are so fr.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

All right, let's get another one. Alright. U.S. Marshals. I'm not reading that one. Me and the Marshalls have made our acquaintance, and I'm never speaking about them or to them again. No, thank you, Marshalls. None for me, please. Okay, this article is from Outside. And I can only read the headline. Usually we do that anyway, but since it's just me on here, I've kind of been telling you about the stories. I think I've been pretty accurate in doing so. Okay, here we go. Outside. Two people were killed by a grizzly in one night.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

Decades later.

SPEAKER_03 50:44

It's still one of the most important encounters. Important?

SPEAKER_05 50:52

I'd say so. It's important.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

Motherfuckers, two a gri two people in one night. I wonder if they was in the same tent. That don't count. That's like when you get a Twix bar. You know what I'm saying? If you're gonna open the Twix pack, you're gonna eat both sticks. You know what I'm saying? And I'm a human. If I was a bear, I would definitely eat both sticks. Nobody eats one Twix. So if they were both in the same tent, I don't blame them at all. Let's look for another one.

unknown 51:27

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 51:29

Let's skip a whole bunch of them. Let's go down here. Oh, it's guacamole recipe. I might have to go back to that one. Here's some sports. I didn't talk about no sports today. I've been watching a lot of NBA basketball too. Izzy a hater, man, but I think the playoffs are pretty good. I think uh Wemby lost last night, but he had I think fucking 10 blocks or some shit. It's like fucking insane. 10 blocks. I think he had seven and one half.

SPEAKER_02 51:57

Got arms out the gym.

SPEAKER_05 52:00

My man can itch his knees standing up straight. And he's 717.

SPEAKER_03 52:08

Getting blocks. No wonder he gets blocks. Alright. One more. And then I'll end this fucking cluster fuck. I've actually had fun. This is almost just like doing a long set with visual aids. Just riffing. I like it. I hope you guys liked it. I've had fun. JoeSpaincomedy.com for dates. I got some good dates coming up, man. I'm into DC Comedy Loft on the 15th. I'm hosting. So it's kind of like this. I get to fuck with everybody in between. Adam Friesman, the Jesus Jew, is on that show. Um it's it's Byron Brooks's show. My man Byron. Sleep, fuck around, break your legs with his bald ass, sexy self.

unknown 53:02

Alright.

SPEAKER_01 53:03

Let's read one more.

SPEAKER_03 53:05

I like the animal ones for some reason. I'm an animal guy. I ain't tell you all that, man. But I used to hunt and fish and all that shit. Until my freedom got took away and my guns got took away with it. But I'll get them back as long as I'm a good boy. I've been a good boy so far. Let me tell you. I ain't I ain't gonna fucking try. You know what I'm saying? Like, I get on here and talk about everything, just free flow. If I was doing something, I'd definitely fucked up by now. Oh man, y'all see the jaguar eating the uh shit in Amazon and trip. They say it helps with their hunting acuity. So they eat some some I don't know what it is, leaf, flour. I don't know. Maybe they inject that shit. They cook it down, fucking sit around the table, drink it like tea. I don't fucking know. But they got video this jaguar tripping nuts. It's pretty cool. And now Joe Rogan got uh psychedelics. I think I I think it's all psychedelics, but I know it's like IB gain ibugain and the ones that help with addiction and shit. And I think maybe psilocybin too. They're uh I don't know if they're declassified, but they they you know undid some of the crazy fucking rules that they did back in the 70s. It's fucking ridiculous. It's something that can grow by accident on a piece of cow shit, fucking put you in prison for 20 years. Alright. Um Man, there's a lot of old stuff. Like Okay, these are the ones I like. Here we go. BBC Wildlife. I can only read it's news plus, and I'm not paying for the shit, so I'm we can only talk about it for a minute. Nine animals that could take on and probably kill. A saltwater crocodile, semicolon. Is a semicolon two dots, or is it the one with the with the one dot and a comma? This one has two dots, so I think it's just a colon. Not colon like in my buffole. Okay, let me start over. Nine animals that could take on and probably kill. A saltwater crocodile, colon. Just which creaker creatures are able to take on one of the world's deadliest animals? Hmm. I kind of wish I could look at this one, man. That's a good question. Saltwater crocodile's a big motherfucker, man, and they don't fuck around. But if you could stay on the blind side, I think they don't bend one way too good. I think it's uh like up, like if they were in the water and you were underneath of them. I don't think they can get to you. You they gotta go like on their side to turn sideways. So you maybe if you just belly hugged them and stab the fuck out of them, like put a dildo on that's got a knife at the end of it, and just creep up underneath of them and bear hug them and maybe a person could kill one. I don't know though, it'd be hard to get they're like 25 feet long sometimes, man. Big fucking animals. I always look up uh crocodile versus shark, but the stupid bee movie comes up where it's a crocodile and the shark in one fucking animal. Y'all ever seen any of those, man? Them fucking things are awesome. Me and my boy Joey used to smoke out of this this bong that was dry. We didn't put no water in it, but it looked like a set of titties. And right in between was the bowl piece. And we'd sit there and dry smoke like bullshit weed, brickweed, like couldn't even talk because our throat would be so fucking dry and scratchy, and watch them be movies, man, like um Ant Roach and Sharknado type shit. But I don't remember Sharknado being one of them. I know that's a big one now, but um uh shark crab. Piranha 3 when the piranhas started flying. What the fuck, man? Flying fish and mating them with piranhas and piranhas be eating meat. I like them piranha boiling videos too, man. When they throw like a pig head or something, a bunch of piranhas. I love that shit. It's fucking crazy. All right, guys. This has been really fun. Thank you guys so much. Come out to a show. Get a hold of me, man. You got questions on the podcast? You want to talk to me or Izzy? Just email me at my email, Joe at jospaincomedy.com. Um, we'll address it on the show. Um, let's see. Uh, like I said, DC Comedy Loft on the 15th. I got um a big one at a brewery in Denton on June 24th, Denton, Maryland, at the brewery. I'm announcing a lineup probably next week. I still gotta make some phone calls. Uh, it's not my show. It's done by a production company called Woohoo Productions. But he's letting me pick the bill to make it the best show as possible. So fucking a Angel Perez shit. So it's gonna be fun. Um, I got more shit coming up, man. Check it out. Josebang Comedy.com. Follow me on Instagram, Joe Spane Comedy.

SPEAKER_01 58:46

Come out, have some fun. It's gonna be a good night. Singer tomorrow, baby. Bye.