OGYN #34 Freestyle and Phonin

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Topics Discussed: Weather in the Mid Atlantic-Sewer spillage and pollution-Jet ski shitty-Poopfish-sewwy hole-Mid Term elections-Redefining words- IZZY CALL-workout set last night-truck issues-Roast-Dating-NBA Finals 2026-Pride Month-Headlines-Shows-Grease-AI-Birds jackin off-love

     Joe and Izzy chop it up and tackle all the tough issues with comedy. Live Show tix joespaincomedy.com 

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Transcript

0:39

Welcome to the OGYM Podcast. This is your boy, Joe Spine. Coming at you from the Gay Raj. Gay Raj, it's the first day. No, today's the second day of Gay Pride Month. Oh, yeah. Fly your colors. Let it hang out. Let your dick lips hang out. Whatever you want. Whatever you want to call it. Your little tiny booty. Oh, my boy Isaiah ain't here today. He is in his house because his goddamn emergency break is all fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He'll be back on the road soon, though. So we're gonna call him up, man. We're gonna call him up when we get ready. You know, do some headline, talk, fuck with my man for a while. I actually haven't seen him a lot. I did see him in a mic. But just for a minute, we passed. We crossed paths. Like real comedians. Ain't that a bitch? Man, it was fucking nice today in the middle Atlantic, United Strait of America. Hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt, psych. 45, 15, 19. Remember the guy people that used to say there was 52 states? I think there's 52. Ain't Puerto Rico a state. Come on, man. It's been 50 states forever. Count the flag. Well, I guess if you think there's 52 states, you probably can't count to 50 on your fingers without getting the stars confused on the flags. That's probably stupid of me. Count. Yeah, well, anyway, it's beautiful today, man. It's beautiful. I could take this kind of weather all year. It's like 76 to 81 in the day. And at night it gets down to like 53. And it's been like that for like three or four days now. If there was a place that was like this all the time and didn't have annoying people or some bullshit, I would live there. I guess everywhere I got bullshit though. You just can't let yourself let yourself fall into that bullshit. Gosh, keep the eyes forward. Keep the blinders on. Keep the blinders on. Walking straight along. Whip my blinders on. One foot in front of the other. Straight ahead. Don't worry about what's going on on the sides. Alright. You know, I heard that people that talk about the weather actually like they're bullshitting. Bullshit eh. They're either lying or they don't care what they're fucking talking about. Like the weather is the thing that everybody defaults to. To like bullshit. Just bullshit. What do you think about the weather? Well, I don't know. I don't know what you think about the weather. Well, I mean, there is nothing to fucking think about the weather. The weather is what the weather is, and you can't change it, motherfucker. Where's my Pepsi? My mouth is dry. Excuse me. Also heard speaking of Mother Nature and shit that uh motherfucking somebody spill thousands of gallons. Thousands. If you think what one gallon, one gallon jug looks like, all right, now fill it with just dip down in your septic system or in the treatment plan if you live in a city. Dip that down in there in that sludge and fill that milk jug up with some nice old sludge sludge, shitty shit, tampony tampons, fucking all of it. Old pills, fucking broke off needles, pen parts, change, pieces of tooth, pieces of fingers, fucking random animals or pets, maybe a goldfish here and there. Scoop that up. And then go dump it in your go dump it in your pond. Thousands, thousands of gallons spilled of that, spilled into a river in Maryland. Like a river where people like go into boats and kids be swimming on a on they got this like a little beach. Got a little bit of sand. Kids be digging up or my kids would be digging up or mommy, what is this? Big old fucking nutty dildo fucking dug up out of the goddamn. That'd be pretty hard to fucking flush. But maybe, you know, it's septic. Who knows? People throw all kinds of shit in the toilet. That's why there's a goddamn pipeline problem in Florida right now, because of people fucking and there was a storm too. I heard that too. There's a storm, there's a storm, and the captive snakes got out. Well, it started because people was letting them go or people was flushing them down the toilet. They say there's alligators in the sewer systems in New York City. New York City? That's right. I said New York City because of people flushing them down the toilets. Excuse me. I don't know if that's true or not. But it would be crazy, man, if it was some bum like posted up down by, you know, one of the spillways into the Hudson where the treatment water goes out and it stays warm all year. You know what I'm saying? And fucking alligator down in there. In the wintertime, everything else is froze up, but he's in there eating rats, getting bigger, rats and slugs, and maybe oysters and squid or things that come in there and gets bigger and he gets bigger. And then winter time and then springtime has little babies and he gets a little sassy, little or an ornre alligator, and a bum. Gets all fucked up on Thunderbird and passes out on a little beach. And next thing you know, he wakes up and he's got a fucking alligator toning around in the fucking and nobody believes him. He loses a whole leg and nobody believes him. But at least he gets some good care of them because they think he's mentally, mentally handicapped. So he gets put in home and gets taken care of. See, you like the end of my story? All right. That was called uh uh it was in uh Cyprus, wherever Cyprus Creek, which uh I've evidently it guys goes into the bay. If you if you guys are from the the Maryland, Virginia, Delaware area, you know that everything is in the Chesapeake Bay or the Delaware Bay watershed. If you live like in other places, like if people are listening in Mississippi or anywhere across the Midwest, it's all the Mississippi River, you know, or the Colorado. Or so basically you spill something in this fucking creek, it's gonna get into the goddamn, this is where it goes. So they they got them all over across, all across the country. There's a Pacific one and a fucking um I think that's a greeny green thing. I don't think I've seen them in other countries, but I know in America, certain places it tells you this is the blah blah blah watershed. And I think it worked, actually. I think it fucking made some people think about throwing certain shit in like storm drains and cities, because a lot of places what they did is they look put a picture of a little bird. I saw it in Arizona too. They put a little picture of a little something pretty right by the storm drain. Uh they do it in uh in Texas, right by the storm drain. So before you go throwing something down the storm drain, you gotta see it's little pretty. It probably don't work for many people, but it probably works for some people. You know, they say that putting them little flashy lights, like to pretend the cop is there and showing you what speed you're doing in an area, just to bring your awareness to the fact that you're fucking rolling, is just as uh it works just as good. I I forgot what the word I was gonna use, but it works just as good as a cop out there fucking like if you put it out there, you put a cop out there and he stops people for five days, and then you put that thing out there and you leave it out there for five days and then you take it away. The blinky light thing with the the number on it actually has a better fuck, you know, anti-fuck you. Like people actually listen to it for longer. They remember that it was there. Fucking weird, man. Weird, man. I don't know. I don't fucking hate getting pulled over. Everybody hates getting pulled over. What the fuck am I talking about? I remember one time uh I was in one river, man, uh off the upper Chesapeake Bay, and we were riding jet skis, and I was fucking skittering, skin, skin, skittering, and the my wife was on the back with me, cross and I was like, Well, watch this. And I turned the wheel because you know they're jet propelled, and you can do this weird little thing where you kind of skip across the water sideways, and I'd done it a bunch of fucking times before that, but man, somebody leaned when they should have loomed, or ripped when they should have rolled, or something happened, and the edge of that thing caught, or maybe we hit a log or a body, I don't know. It was like up by Baltimore, so it could have been and it threw us off, and when it we hit the water, it was like I was laughing when I hit the water because that's a good thing about being on Jeski. You know what I'm saying? You're in the fucking water, it's only gonna smack you. We were probably doing 40. So we hit the water, but as I my body uprights to start swimming, I realized that like four or five feet below the water. Nah, it's up past my knees. So maybe three feet below the water, it was just like this fucking black sludge. Like, oh, it makes me want to fucking barf thinking about it, man. It was just, and it had little lumps of shit in it, and fucking I don't know, it could have been shit, but it was lumps of different th oh my god, it was fucking gross. Had it, you know, got back to the jet ski, kind of like swimming like you would swim on a top of like quicksand, but it was fucking and it smelled horrible, horrible, smelled like poo cheese and biscuits. Got back to the fucking got back to the jet ski and got up on the jet ski and kind of like washed it off of us and then went back and sprayed off. But that shit was disqueasting, man. Disque. Then again in San Diego, we was like uh one time I was a kid. I was a kid, a little kid. I said, dad-dad, dad-dad, can we go fishing? He said, Yeah, man, yeah, homes, we in California homes. So this Mexican told us, um, he was like, Yeah, you go down inside the harbor, and when you don't make sure nobody's looking, man. You throw your throw your rod, you take your rod, you drop it off the side right by the factory. La fabrica. I said, okay, okay. I was like 13 or whatever, so I didn't say shit. I just shook my head. Sure enough, man. My dad found my own, I think we called my uncle's whatever, got his little Boston whaler, and right inside the breakwater, like in the San Diego Harbor, um, like you could see the ocean. You could see the breakwater, all the rocks, and like where the ship's coming in. Um, I hope I'm not getting this was fucking 30 years ago. So um there was like this, I don't know what it was. I think it was a shit factory, but it took water in out of the ocean and used it to cool the machines, and then it would put the warm water back out on the bottom. And supposedly it weren't pollutant, it was just you, it was like stayed in pipes, you know what I mean? It was just cooling it. But here's what up, here's what was up. Here was the triggity-diggity-diggity walk-a-wah. The Mexican guy told us in that warm water, that warm water at the bottom attracts bait fish because it attracts plankton. You know, all the way down. You know how the little thing eats the bigger thing, and then a little bit bigger thing eats that thing, and then a little bit bigger thing eats that thing, and then a little bit bigger thing eats that thing. You know, the chain of life. So it's so we cast a middle-sized thing off the side of this boat, just like seriously, didn't even cast it, just like let the the line go out. Man, sitting there, maybe 10 minutes, didn't seem like no time at all. And my it felt like I was hung on like a goddamn submarine, and my dad's like kind of pissed off because I think he was like, ah, fuck, you know, and then like the line, the rod did that boom, boom, boom. Like I could feel, oh my god, there's something on here that is alive. Long story short, it was a fucking halibut that was about the size of a uh 40-gallon trash can lid. About the size of a tar, a big tar. Big tar from moat hopping. I don't know, maybe five inches thick, maybe six inches thick. Big cocksucker. That motherfucker was huge. So we're in this whaler. We didn't realize what was gonna happen, man. We got this fucking thing in the boat. That motherfucker took off on it, boy. He took off on it. All over the boat, fucking beating the shit out of it, trying to get it to stop, and it's break broke fishing rods and fucking shit was going everywhere. It was crazy. My brother was crying, I was laughing. Good old time. That motherfucker was good, let me tell you. Good. We took that bitch back to back to uh my uncle was a lawyer, so he lived in Palace Verde. I mean, maybe he didn't live there then. Anyway, he lived in LA somewhere and had this grilly, grilly, grilly, and everything back then was charcoal, so they let put the charcoal up. And I took uh I was a kid, man. I had to be like 10. I don't know. So I took the aluminum foil, cleaned the fish all up, put some onions in there, some garlic, some butter, some squirts of lemon, some, I think it's called a spritz. A little spritz of lemon here, a little spritz of lemon. Happy gay month. Spritz, spritz, spritz. A little bit of pepper, that kind of pepper. It always tastes better when it comes out of one of them things, and then closed it up and put it in the ghee reel. Just closed it up, like closed it up, so it was cooked, cooked real good, and man, when we cracked that motherfucker open, boy, it was flaking off like flakes, like one of them big kilos, boy. Flaking right off there. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, nice and firm. Yeah, man, that was some tasty goddamn fish. I ain't gonna lie to you. Another time, man. We had we uh uh we used to have I used to have an 80, an XR80 dirt bike. Man, I used to love that thing. Four stroke. So that means the gas and the oil was different, was went in different places. I don't like the two-stroke, you know, for a kid. I'd have fucked that up for sure. I fucked up with one I had, so I really fucked up that one. I used to jump that motherfucker off. Anyway, we had this one spot. My cousins and my brothers, and I only got one brother, but my cousins and all these people for friends, we would go through this spot suey hole. It was somebody's drain field that would get so wet and disgusting just from washing clothes and shitting and 'cause a bunch of people lived in this house. I mean like a bunch of people. You went up inside this house, it was like a path. You know, a path through the kitchen, a pat and it was beds and furniture and fucking shit on top of you everywhere. Like these they had these little cubicles. It was fucking wild. But they greatly overwhelmed the septic system. Yes, sir, they did. And they made a suey hole. We ride through it all day. That shit would be all over us. And for some reason it never occurred to me that was shit and piss. Just never fucking weird, man. What a dumb kid. What a dumb fucking kid. Alright, that's enough sewage stories, I guess. Fucking uh time is it, man? Maybe we'll check this out. Oh, I kind of like this one. Who does this? We gotta check in with what's good here and there, you know what I'm saying? Isaiah keeps me up on it. Oh, this is my man Bruno here. So let's call Isaiah. Let's see what he's up to. Get him on. Get him on something. Mr. Tang Yeah. Oh man. What happened? I heard you. I heard you. What's going on, man? Yo, you hung up on me. My fault. Some men that are playing in my phone. I ain't never need to hear it. I'm trying to pause. On the on the podcast, you hung up on me. Now everybody knows how you treat me. Sorry. I never you never called me. You never call me. Can you hear me good? Yeah, man. You trying to find a man. Oh yeah, you sound good to me too, buddy. That's good. What are you up to, man? What's what's going on in your world? Nothing much, man. Chilling in the house. Taking it easy. You saving up some money, getting ready to get that shit fixed, or you're gonna get something else? No. I just got some in the mail, and uh they're talking about paying off my car so I can trade in and get something else. Oh, that's yeah, Kia in uh Salisbury, so I think I might end up doing that. Kia. I'm looking for like a Honda or something. Yeah, I'm not trying to really get a Kia. That's what's up. You know, those places got other things. Yeah, right, right. It's a Kia or something else. Uh no. I mean, like, you know, they might have a couple Honda's, you know what I mean? A Mazda, or you know what I mean? Right. They might have a couple different things in a lot. Trade-ins. Right, yeah, I'm definitely gonna trade in my shit, so I think. I read something yesterday, bro, that said uh the four top ones for the last ten years, and you know already know what they were. Toyota, Honda. Honda, uh Mazda, maybe. No, the only one that it was Toyota, Lexus, Acura. That yeah, that's the one that surprised me. Yeah, apparently Acura's are Honda Motors. Someone told me. So my grandmother told me. So maybe not wear that. Yeah, right. Grandgrandad. Of course you know. What do you call your grandmother? I call her my mom. My mom. Yeah. That's the lingo I I've always used. Everything else doesn't sound right. Do you have a pop-op too? Uh no. I was born without a pop pop. Yes, I have uh I have multiple granddads. Yeah, two. I'm just wondering what you call them. Because I call one pop. And the other one, I don't know what I call the other one. Pop, I think. I call my uh I call my pop-up pop up. Grandma and my mom, so I heard it's country. Yeah. That's what I've heard. I don't know if that's country or not. I don't know. It just it sounds like well, less formal, you know. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. I don't know. I never heard it until I guess I guess it is country. Because my family never said that. My California family. Like, I didn't hear that. I remember hearing that in elementary school and being like, who in the fuck is that? Right, yeah. See, I heard people was like, my grandmother, my grandfather, um Memo and Peapaw. I heard a couple people do that. That's really eerie. I ain't never heard that. Peep Paw. Yeah, it's pretty, I don't know, it's pretty stupid, I think. That's cute. How'd you do last night? How was it last night? It was alright. Oh, yeah. I I I had fun. I had fun. You know, I didn't uh set the world on fire, but I mean, yeah. I I had I had laughs all the way through, but I nobody was falling out of their fucking chairs. Alright, yeah. I've recorded it. I mean, it's okay. I think there was a couple little gems in there, but we'll see. Yeah, I did uh a bunch of new shit. I think I did one old joke, maybe two, but uh the other ones were new. So that was pretty good. Hadn't been on stage in like three weeks, so you know I mean that was pretty good. I was able to uh get those out. Yeah, it's good to take a break here and there. Yeah, and the jokes worked. I really thought it was the end. You know, I thought it was like uh I was gonna get up and bomb this is the end of the back. Did you watch The Roast yet? Yeah, man, I watched the whole thing. Did you? What'd you think? Well, sorta kinda. I skipped around, man. A lot of it was fucking horrible. Like who? What was horrible? Uh like that one Jew chick with the nice tits. Man, she's got beautiful after. What'd you think about that, man? What don't you think that's kind of classless after the fact? I think it's kind of weird being like, I can understand everyone else, but like Cheryl, you know what I mean? Cheryl got hit by a bunch of dead husband jokes, and she didn't complain as bad. You know what I mean? Actually, what she came out and said, her little interview was fucking awesome. She was like she stood up for comedy, yeah. That's right. Yeah, but the fucking ju chick with the nice kids, you know, probably sucked her way up. You know, she clearly fucking complained. You know, that's what they do. She's she I saw her say, like, I I saw some influencer basically take what she said and flip it around on her and show bits that she it actually wasn't an influencer, he was a comic. And and flip it around on her and show stuff that she said about Angelina Joe Lee's kid in the past. And it was I thought it was fucking funny both times. I thought it was funny when she did it and funny when Shane did it. You know what I mean? Right, yeah. And like uh Shane, I know Shane didn't write his jokes. Not like I knew Shane, you know, I'm not tapped in or anything, but like uh Big J and them were saying, like, a lot of these guys are busy, man. Like Shane was busy. The only two people that wrote their jokes, can you tell did you know? Could you tell? Yeah. Big J and that black guy. They were the only two that wrote their jokes. Well, I wanna uh writers. Uh I can't remember his name, but he's like an older, older comic. But he's uh he was like the other unknown, kind of unknown. Yeah. I would say. Yeah. I saw him working those. I see, I thought he was given those jokes because I saw him a couple days before the roast working them out at the laugh factory. Oh shit. Like he was reading them off of paper, like running them by another crowd before the roast. Yeah, man. Him and Big J were too. The root jokes. I'll say uh maybe they're roast. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you could tell. I mean, Shane even said a couple times, you know, I didn't write that. I mean, you can almost tell by like how they were laughing at some of it, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm sure they didn't even read all the jokes. Right. Yeah, they had yeah, so did you see Tony? Like, what the fuck? Why do people you know why do is everything have to do with racing me? Yeah, I don't even think Tony's was bad. I think uh as a comic and as a as a black man, I think that last joke was just stupid. Yeah, like compared to all the other great ones, you know what I'm saying? I thought the last one was just kind of dumb. I thought he crushed. I thought he did the best. Murdered. Murdered. I thought he had the arguably the best set. Unarguably, if you take that joke out. Right, yeah, like undisputed. I mean, it's like, but like that what it wasn't like uh I'm not bad at it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just thought it was kind of stupid. That was it. Uh yeah. Maybe he needs to say it another hundred times, you know what I'm saying? Maybe he'll maybe it just didn't land. He probably got a huge pop in Austin or in Texas, you know what I mean? Uh yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that was uh something he came. I don't know. I don't know. I'd like to know. I don't know how to call two people at once. I'm sure if George Floyd was my cousin, you know what I'm saying? I'm sure I feel a little bit different. Well, that's kind of bullshit too, man. I mean, when is it okay? Right. Yeah, but like, uh I don't know, man. I can understand why the blacks are mad, you know. The they need something to be mad at. You know what I mean? What what else would we do if we weren't mad about everything all day, every day, you know what I mean? God, Izzy. How we gotta be. You remember that song? No. I didn't even really hear the song you say all the time. The crack, the holes, the bitch, the rose. Nah. It's DMX. Are you guest list tonight? Yeah, man. Me and you, Body. I have one, uh, I have one reschedule. Ah. And I didn't feel like talking to my wife again for an hour. Right, yeah. That's understanding. I'm just kidding. I don't have a wife, but you know, have a stripper girlfriend. You do? No, not at all. I was just kidding. I didn't see my I I hate myself enough to have a stripper girlfriend. Then we're gonna twisted. Dude, I dated two different strippers. Oh, boy. You're a strong man, Joe. No, it was just fun. Like I bet. Did you eat her pussy? No. Uh, one of them, yes, one of them, no. I'm a dirty guy, man. What the fuck? I mean, it wasn't like they were stripping, and I took them from the strip club. Yeah, no, for sure. I didn't take them from the strip club. Like, I met them out, you know. You didn't save them? No, no, no. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. No, alright. I guess that's better. Neither one of them I met in the strip club. I met them out and about, and then it turned out they were strippers. I'm kind of into that shit on porn, man. Like, I like the real dirty shit. Like, I like the dudes that pick up the nasty strippers and eat them out. Yeah? Yeah, man. Sometimes, yeah, sometimes. When I was a younger man, I'm an older man now, like uh Cosby Steele, Smash, and Neil said. Oh man, I'm glad I called you. Yeah, man. Well, yeah, speaking of roast, yeah, guess how our boy did. Yeah, I heard. You're talking about Zach's. Boy, was it horrible? Yeah, I Zach wasn't is not proud. Last night he sat. I I he said he was a writing. How'd he do last night? He told me he said he was the funniest person in the room. I was like, no, I was there. There's no way. Um he did good. He did good. Bullshit. He did. He did. Well, let me tell you, he didn't do good in New York. But anyway, let me tell you let me hear it. I don't think he blew the top off the place, but he did good. You know what I'm saying? Like he's done better, but yeah, he did well. And I mean, at that time of night, he probably was the funniest person in the room. Hey, what can you do, man? You know what I'm saying? So uh butt balls. Date if you ain't been on no dating. You ain't been on no dates. Oh, God, no, man. I'm giving it up, man. Giving up everything, actually, Joe. I'm glad, I'm glad you called me. I'm giving up just about everything. I'm letting uh whatever come, come. And uh, whatever goes, goes. So no, I've not been dating if that answers your question. You know, it's gay pride. What about gay pride? It's gay pride month. Thanks. Next topic. I'm just saying, man. It might be, you know. What does that mean? I know what like I'm not it's not that bad. You know what I'm saying? Like a deal. You know what I'm saying? I'm tough. You never know, man. Might change everything. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's what happens. I don't show up to the pod, and then you think we're gonna hang out with fucking saltbury. With the rest of the fruit flies. Come on. That's what they are, dude. Fucking that. So hey, uh, your Nicks are in it, buddy. I know, man. Me and Nick went to the uh the grotto speaking of fucking gay pride. Me and Nick went to the fucking grotto is like a bunch of heterosexual men do and fucking ordered some drinks and watched the game. It's a pretty good game, man. I think. I enjoyed myself. Kind of mad at getting to basketball a little sooner this uh this season. Well, I'm telling you, the playoffs is a total different thing than the regular season. You know what I'm saying? Right. I can barely watch a regular season game sometimes. I mean, I could barely watch, like, I'm glad Nick, I don't know if he's seen on my face or what he's like, you're ready to go. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, I see, I kind of see where this is going. And I was uh I wasn't surprised, but um, I was uh definitely, I don't know. I wasn't surprised that uh old boy pulled it out. But uh, I don't know. It was cool. Yeah, I think uh I'm ready for Knicks game. So who you got? Nixon, I know you're gonna pick the Knicks to win, but in how many games? In how many games, man? I don't think it's gonna be easy. I think it's gonna be uh game seven type shit. I think it's okay. So you're gonna put Knicks and seven? Nixon seven. That's what I picked. I'm gonna write it. What are we betting, dude? I don't bet for nothing. What are we betting? Um, that's a that's a good one. Alright, wait a minute. I'm gonna take. Do we have well we gotta figure out the rules? Right, yeah. You gotta get both. Both? Um, just one pick and uh I I'll take the other side of it. I'll take San Antonio in six. You wanna do an over-under? For the last game? What do you think the last game's sort of gonna be? Well, I got San Antonio in six. In six. You don't have no faith in Kat? I think they'll beat him down by game six. What'd you say? I think they'll beat him down by game six. You think they'll beat him down by game six? I don't know, man. Wemby is nice out there, but I think uh I think the other guys are kind of shit. I think Darren Fox is kind of washed. He's good now, don't get me wrong, but I think fucking uh I think my boy's gonna pull it out. Well, I hope it goes seven. I'd like to see it go seven, because I'm not like a San Antonio fan. I just want to see a good series. Right, yeah. Me too. I'm see, uh I'm a San Antonio fan. I'm a I'm a uh a pop, a pop fan. Me too. So I'm a fan of uh pop. So me too. I wouldn't mind. Did you see Wemby crying about that after? What the fuck is he crying about? See, I don't get it, dude. That one dude from uh OKC that likes to paint his nails. You know what he did after they lost? He made TikToks and got on a plane, then probably had white women tucking his dick. Like he I'm telling you, he didn't care. He did not get I mean he might have, but he didn't really get the five. He talking about SGA. No, the light-skinned dude. I don't know his name. He said he got his dick sock, man. He's like the rookie. Oh man. You ready to uh uh want to do a headline while I got you on here? Hell yeah, man. Fuck yeah. Alright. First of all, this one's an easy one. It's a USA Today. It says Amazon confirms June prime dates. What can members expect? Do you fuck with prime? My mom does. You know what I'm saying? I'm not a big fan. Uh I don't What you gonna get? Yeah, I don't got him a word for it. What do I be getting? Yeah, if you could get one thing on Prime Day, what would you get? I get a new fucking desk. Or no, uh, I've been wanting to throw my bed away and get like uh I want to convert my room into an office so I stop bullshitting around by time. You know what I'm saying? Kind of like uh make myself work. Just a futon in here. Probably get like a futon. Yeah, that's a good idea. Not like a futon, but like a couch, maybe. I want a couch. I'm gonna um I'll be homeless in seven days. Damn, man. How's the installation shit going? Isn't that all you need? Yeah, I'm hanging drywall. I mean, I'll at least have drywall up. Right. Some of it anyway. Hey man, I got a creepy basement. Yeah, I'll probably have to come take a shower. All right. Next one. You're gonna love this one. I hope you've seen it because it's more visual than anything. Kim K stuns in bikini photos as she goes Instagram official with boyfriend Lewis Hamilton. Did you see the pictures? She should just make her OnlyFans, dude. I'd be like so fucking like I'd buy it. Yo, she'd be the richest bitch ever, wouldn't she? Dude, I mean who who's anyway? I'd buy it and I jerk off to it every day. I would I'd stop going to work, I'm sure. I had to quit and collect unemployment just so I could sit home and jerk off to Kim K. I don't give a fuck. You know who Lewis Hamilton is? Uh Pamela Anderson, is that who you say? Nah, yeah, right? I don't know who he is either. Lewis Hamilton. Wait, no. Who'd you oh Lewis Hamilton? I'm sure some black. No, he's a white thing guy, I guess, I think. Yeah, this shit makes me sick. I didn't look it up. So he could be black. These guys like me out here, you know what I'm saying? Like, I got more than enough of what she can offer. I know that dude doesn't have more money than her. She don't need money. Exactly. All she needs is dick. That's right, man. You throw it on her. God, bro. I'm I need to get on Twitter, man. Fucking start making some statements. Hoping they reach out. She might have a little retarded cousin or something you can hook up with. Dude, come on. They have like a probably a retarded sister in the basement. She probably got tripped up like on a treadmill or something, but he just left her down there. What happened to the fat one? The brother Rob uh Kardashian? What happened to him? I never knew there was a boy Kardashian. What, dude, yeah, he was like satin on drugs and had problems. Dude, come on now. Like you wasn't a fucking my mom Luke. How did the Kardashians and uh one that changed their gender get all hooked up together, Caitlin? Did you just say how the Kardashians and the Kardashians' dad get all hooked up? Caitlin Jenner. Caitlin Jenner. How did Caitlin Jenner get all hooked up with the Kardashians on television? I'm confused, Joe. Are you asking me like that's their father? Is it really? You didn't know? That's Bruce. Oh, Bruce Kardashian? Yeah, nigga, you know Bruce? Bruce Jenner. I know, I'm kidding. You're not here. You can't see me. Sonic Booms. Sonic Booms. Have you heard them? No, I'm sorry. My mother just came in the room. Hey mom, have you heard the Sonic Booms? No. She hasn't. I haven't gone on there. There's all this news about booms. No, I didn't hear the last one that uh these niggas are out here talking about. I really didn't know that. Uh I thought Caitlin Jenner and Kylie Jenner. I don't know how that I never did know how that how that whole thing works. I don't get it. That's insane, yeah. Like you're older than me, man. You knew this nigga when he had nuts. Yeah, yeah. That's how I know him. That's crazy. All right. I just put you on speaker in the area. What's that? I just put you on speaker in the area. Yeah, you're feeding back real bad now. Alright, is it better? Yeah, it's better. Alright. Alright. You ready? Yes, sir. One more. It's a long one though. BBC Wildlife article. A carnivore has moved into Florida's Everglades and it's threatening native crocs and alligators. What do you think it is? Were they gonna do put casinos on them? I don't know. Casinos on the Everglades? Yeah, I guess it really didn't make sense. I put it out there. I was hoping it'll land. Oh, that's a lot of corn creep. All right. Oh man. This is the one I meant to read anyway. I think that one's talking about the snakes. You know them big ass fucking snakes. Oh no. See, I'm not a hip to like all that shit. Just because I stay away from like uh like I wouldn't move anywhere with snakes and all that. My mom doesn't even like to look at pictures of snakes. Oh yeah. Yeah, she's uh real squeamish. My mom hated snakes. She'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming about snakes sometimes. God, dude. I mean, but I feel like you'd throw a snake on your mother, well, just in the vicinity. Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Uh-uh. She was that scared. Like, I'm afraid I'll kill her. Ah, see, my mom's the same way. My mom's so bad. Uh, she'll get snake away from the house because you know it works. Proven. And uh, you know, so she'll get it and uh she won't even like take it out of the bag like it's that insane. Like she was like, I don't even want to look at it. Isaiah, take it away, please. Take it. My mom, my mom lives on this way on acres and acres and acres of property all by herself, and she always have a always have a gun by the door. Some kind of gun. She would shoot a snake so many fucking times you couldn't tell what it was. Everyone. Everyone. She's insane fucking scared of snakes. All right, you ready? Ten most dangerous animals you don't want to meet on a hike. One key thing to remember is it can run as fast as a racehorse. All ten of them? I don't know. Yeah, I think so. Jesus Christ. All ten of them. Oh no, man. A snake, I mean, could chase me. And I mean, I that'd be a good one. Two of them are snakes. One's a rattlesnake. Yeah, one's a rattlesnake. Uh uh alpaca. That's probably in the northern snow. The other one's a brown snake. That's raceless. A brown alpaca brown snake. What'd you say? A shithole. A shit snake. Yeah, I said an alpaca. No, that's not on here. No sharks on here either. I wouldn't think so. Uh oh, it's on a height. What about I don't know, man. I'm not a I'm not a hiker. A mountain lion, I would assume. Yeah, that's on there. Yeah, I don't know. Mountain lion fuck you up by accident. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it just jump on you because it's a big house cat. Man. Oh uh number five is a wolf. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. That's probably fucked. Yeah. A wolf is that's a 200-pound fucking canid. God, dude. Um, number one. It's like uh you ever had a big dog that just wants to lick you in the mouth? Yes. Like in your trial, but it's like too heavy to put move away. I bet it's like that, but you know, it's not licking you. Yeah, except trying to eat your fat off your fucking face. Um, number one and two are both bears. Black bear, brown bear. Oh, I thought you were talking about the big gay bears. Uh gay pride. Shout out, gay pride. Shout out gay pride. Are we gonna go hang out in Salisbury and bring with the people in the bricks? That's why they made Teddy K the host of the mic this week. Amen. God damn it. Why are you so mean, man? That's not mean. I was busting balls. All right, number six is an elk, but they had a picture of a moose. I guess they don't think nobody knows no different. I was about to say, like, yeah, isn't that an alpaca? It's the same shit. Well, number seven's a bison. That's close enough, too. A bison bullshit on the mountains. I don't know. It said to hike, it just says a hike. We didn't hear number nine. Number nine says Asian elephant. Yeah, no, this was like fucking clearly bullshit. Fuck. Like, where are you fucking hiking, Mr. Hair, dude? Come on. Hiking around the world. A rattlesnake and an Asian elephant. They don't exist in the same space. An albino elephant, too. Like uh, you gotta get something out by a white man, bro. A white elephant, a white man, anything. Yo. Guess what number 10 is? What? There's more? How many fucking things are on? This is it. The last ten. This is it. Number ten. This is the dumbest one ever. A bat. A bat can shoot you off the mountain, then you fall and die. What is it? Feral dogs. No fucking way. I was about to re I was about to say that. Someone's dog could get off the leash and fuck you up. A wolf's kind of like a feral dog. You know what I'm saying? It's a wild. Like they just grouped those together. These people on the list must have had to put these lists out every day or something. Oh yeah. It's probably AI. It's probably not even real. Yeah. Yo, um, there used to be a pack of dogs that ran around like the Maryland-Delaware line in the woods, and they ended up killing a kid, so they they had to thin them out. There was like 60 of them. What type of dogs were they? All different kinds of dogs. All different kinds of dogs that just like formed a pack in the woods. And they would just run. You could hear them barking and howling and chirp, you know, and they would just. Yeah, but they killed a kid. They were told what to do. Nope, they were free, free to roam. They were uh trained not to spit in the hand. What? Who was told what to do by the man? And he was so not to spit. I see, I'm fucking to that. That's probably why I didn't know that. Alright, brother. Hold on, fucking get a couple more things, I'm gonna wrap this thing up. Yeah, man. I enjoyed it, man. It's pretty funny. I feel uh freer on the phone. Yeah? I don't know why. It's so awful. Yeah. Yeah, I wish you were around, man. I'll see you very soon. Yes, sir. Oh, uh, I got like one thing to promote it. Go ahead, yeah, yeah, for sure. Uh, yo guys, uh, I will be at CC22s. Uh chance plans have changed. I'll be at CC22s this weekend, uh, open it up for Keith for now, and then I will be down at Cold Classic uh in a couple weeks. I think. What's this month? June? I think so. April. No, next month. It's June 20th, right? Yeah, June 20th. I'll be down at Cold Classic. Doing 20 minutes. So rock and roll with me. Nice. That's Michelle's that's Michelle's birthday. Bring her out. I'll buy her a mocktail. A mocktail, my tie. Do they even have mocktails there? It's a brewery. I don't know, man. They do a lot of fucking weird shit there, so I've heard tonight comedy, so yeah. They do like uh fucking chitlin eating night. Chitlin eating? Well, muskrat. They do like muskrat eating competitions and whatnot. Yeah, that's yeah, alright. Yeah, cease them. I don't much like muskrat. Me neither, man. Alright, buddy. Well, I'll give you a call. All right, dog. All right, love you, bro. Alright, man. Like you dog fun. Here he goes, my man, Isaiah. Man, I missed that guy. Oh, you heard it right here, man. He got that's a good, that's a good spot, man. If you guys are out and about on June 20th, that show that O Dub has up there at the Cult Classic. That's a fun room. I already can't remember who he said he was doing it with, but the fact that he gets to free flow for a little while in that big room, that'll be fun. Um, what was I talking about before we called old Isha Isha Shesha? Yeah, so CC22 is a club that I used to play a lot of music in when I was a headbanger. The music that's in the beginning of this podcast is a Father Mucker song. Father Mucker! Woo-hoo! Look it up. Father Mucker from back in a dizzy. Um, but now they do comedy shows. Actually, I headlined a comedy show there, um, and it was awesome. Some of the same people that saw me play music there came to see me do comedy there like fucking 20 years later. Well, I've been doing comedy almost 10 years, and yeah, probably 15 years, you know, 16 years after I did music there, they saw me do comedy there. It's fucking amazing. They were fatter, I was the same. All right. So midterms are here, midterm elections. Woo! Yeah, exactly, man. More choices of liars to see who's got more dick sucking power. Um, um, hello. So what I want to do in this community is to bring us all together, Lord our Savior, Jesus Christ, I men. Come on together. Constructive, constructive, conservative Christian values, and vote for me. I lost him. I was I was uh getting ready to be mean. I gotta revert that redefining words. Like fucking whenever it comes goddamn election time, man, they they wanna these terms that everybody uses and they think like mass shooting. Like mass shooting. When you heard mass shooting, you used to think like, oh my god, somebody or a couple people pulled out guns and started mowing motherfuckers, you know what I mean? It like you thought about this certain thing in your head. It is X, you know what I mean. Now, anything over one or two people get shot, it's a mass shooting. Maybe three, I don't know. So, but it's still horrible, don't get me wrong. I'm still saying people shouldn't be popping off against each other, you know what I'm saying? That's the only one I'm saying. This ain't motherfucking bay root. I'm just saying it's not the same fucking thing. Guys shooting at each other, gang violence, you know, uh territory stuff. That's not mass shootings. Those aren't mass shootings, and now they're lumping them all in to get their political point across. Either gun control or crime or police or uh drugs or whatever the fuck it is, they skew the same fucking number. I mean, it's like vaccine. They changed the the the meaning of that. Now that flicks a little nerve in people. We're vaccine, we're people getting defensive. Well, that should tell you something. Should tell you something. Did you get your vaccines? Yeah. Did you get your flu shot? Yeah. Okay. Your flu shot's not a vaccine? No, no. But this other one that works just like a flu shot. It's a vaccine. It says so. Lobby? I just thought that was the entrance to a building. Now it's dictating fucking goddamn legislation, dictating the rules and the laws and the bylaws in my beautiful country. America. Fuck. What's up with all this Greece stuff I keep seeing around? Is Greece coming out again? The movie Grease. I think I saw, you know what? I think I saw an advertisement on Instagram that had Travolta in it with the new guy playing Greece. But I thought it was AI. Maybe it wasn't. It's so fucking hard to tell now, man. AI, there were there was another one. They were rebooting something, but it wasn't real. I found out it wasn't real. It was like uh the old A team and who would play it now. But I thought it was real, but it wasn't. Some odd did that shit on their computer. Computer. But I think there's a new Grease movie coming out. If not, there's getting ready to be. I'm telling you. I don't think I'm serendipitous. What? I don't think I'm heavy SPN. But it's everywhere. Like you click on Netflix, you flick on, it's like, you know, Greece type shit everywhere. Travolta type shit. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Also, let's see. One last thing. Make sure you guys know that masturbation is completely natural. Birds do it. Birds, chickens, turkeys. That's my chick. No, it was gonna be a turkey. Started out as a chicken and it changed to a turkey because he was jerking off. That's what happens. Starts out a little teen chicken. Before you know it, yeah, man, birds be jerking it. Jerkin' it. Scientists say it's healthy and natural, widespread in the bird community. Can you imagine be at the beach playing volleyball? You hate the Bible. Oh cloudy day. You go up to Spike, and just before you fucking hit the ball to Spike, Seagull cum right in your eye. And you caught up in the net because you got seagull cum in your eye. Seagulls fly around, jerk off, jerk off, jerk off. And a pelican, usually pelicans fly around, they catch all that jizz in that big old mouth pocket they got. That mouth pocket, the face pussy. They got that face pussy catching all that seagull cum. Let's see if I missed anything. Hey man, new Fortnite skins. I don't get them. Typical gamer. How are people gonna buy skins that say typical gamer? What the fuck is that? They should let you make one. Everybody would buy that. If you could customize it, you know, but once you lock it in, you pay for it. People will be making their own skins and then buying other people's skins, and you could trade your skins. It's a whole nother market they're missing out on. Man, that weed's good. I show speed is on there. I think I'm an iShow Speed fan. I like his Doritos, they're really good, they're cheesy. They're cheesy. Um but I still wouldn't buy a skin on Fortnite. Batman Beyond. I don't know where this came from. It's like an animated Batman. Looks kind of cool, but I don't want the skins. Yay, it's gay month for us. It's gay month for us. Please love us. No matter what private Bruno Moss kicking it in. I don't own any of the music that I talk over. I only own the music at the beginning and the end. Okay, guys. Um, I'm saying Seattle. No, Seattle. San Antonio and six. Matt Brown, Matty Brown said San Antonio and five. I'll be at the Port Comedy Club tomorrow night working out some jokes. So this comes out at six o'clock. Show starts at nine o'clock. So anybody who's hits this off as soon as it comes out, stop out to the port and say hi. Uh and I got a couple weeks off. I'm trying to get into my house. So I'm working, man. I'm grinding. I'm poor. I'm fucking poor. Joe Spain comedy on Cash At. Every dollar helps. Bandwidth costs money. Going back and forth. Everything costs money. All I want to do is make people laugh. Before I get too fucking old to do it. Oh. June 26th. I got a show at uh down at Dream Big. It's uh called Society's Hangin'. My man Pre is the host. Riley, Chris O'Dubb, Alexis, and Splitter on that. That's the Delaware, Maryland line. Del Mar, Delaware. And then the next night, June 27th, I'm in I'm hosting in Denton, Maryland, at the Eden Town Brewery. Woohoo Productions is not my show. I am just a hired gun at an Eden Town Brewery. That's uh Sean Savoy. My man. My man, Sean Savoy. Speaking of Sean Savoy, check out the uh last episode of um Big Swings on YouTube at Focus All Comedy on YouTube. Uh so Sean's coming down to do that. He's got all kinds of credits. Comedy Central, fucking, you know. He's the man. We also did a podcast together, so go back and check that out. Alejandro Laborada, my friend. Um very good host. He doesn't like doing it, but he should host more. G Levi, Sweetheart, very funny lady, Zach Spicer, and Shauna Henry. All funny people on that one, man. Awesome. Awesome. And then the next day on Sunday, so I got a bang, bang, bang coming right at the gate. Tony Woods and Friends at the DC Improv in the main room. Check that one out. That uh helped the cause. Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow night at the port. I'm looking forward to that, man. I ain't been in the port for a little while. So I'm gonna cut it up. Make it good. Make it my laugh. Make up my life. Say, goddamn well, no, my boy, I'll tell you what, he comes in here sometimes and he makes us laugh. He does, he does, he makes my wife snort, and she gets buggers coming out of her nose, and her teeth come out, and she even said last time she shit just a little bit when he was making her laugh so hard. Yeah, man. See, that guy thinks I'm funny. Uh-oh. Uh, oh, uh. Let's see what's hot. Ooh. Smoothie smooth. Thank you guys for listening, man. Share this podcast. Get some people listening with us, man. We got a bunch of people listening. I'm loving it. I'm loving all the feedback. Loving it. Love people. Come up to me and talk to me about the podcast. When I'm doing shows, I like that. That's right. Thank you guys very much, man. Share the podcast. JoeSPayingcomedy.com, Joe Spank on Instagram. Graham, give me a follow. I love you guys. Thank you very much.