OGYN #37 BS all Over-Spain Rant

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In this episode Joe reports on, and makes fun of current events. World Cup, Iran, NBA Draft, and Assholes are just a couple of the things ranted about. 

     Joe and Izzy chop it up and tackle all the tough issues with comedy. Live Show tix joespaincomedy.com 

Thank you to everyone who laughs with us. Please Like, Share and comment to keep us improving. Spread the laughter. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:42

How you guys doing, man? OG I N number 37, your boy Joe Spain here kicking it in the morning. In the morning.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Usually we record this in the evenings. But uh this time, man, I come home tart. I was beat up, tired, stressed out, motherfuckers yelling at me. You know, you know, I'm a professional. You know, whether it's in comedy or whether it's in my day job. That's I I still have a day job. And I uh the two get blurry sometimes. You know what I'm saying? It gets blurry. Somebody pops off and yells at me, it makes me laugh. Makes me like, you can't be for real. You know, you can't be serious. Come on. Relax. Come on. And then, you know, obviously, when somebody laughs at you and you're pissed off, a lot of times that doesn't go over so well. So, you know, they get mad. And then I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, you know, but I still, you know, the comic in me, I still, it's still funny to me, like, whatever. But don't get it twisted. I will smack your dumbass at some point. You know what I'm saying? Don't get it twisted. When I was in the cam, man, this one guy he kept picking and picking and picking, you know, like, you know, just seeing how much I would take. And I was on the phone. I was actually on the phone with my wife, and she didn't hear or see what was going on. And it was a video call. So she could have seen, but she didn't. They were, he was circling like a shark. So I hung up the phone and I went over to him and I asked him what his issue was. And before he opened his mouth, I grabbed him by his dreadlocks and I pulled him into a cell and we had a conversation. So, you know, at some point, I will smack you. I will smack you. But it, God, it takes so much. I mean, basically the threat of violence. If you're just gonna yell, I'm probably just gonna laugh. That's my response. Same thing when I go to a goddamn uh same thing when I go to uh like a haunted house. Oh my god. Uncontrollable laughter. Like I can't even help myself. It's fucking like, you know, I don't know. Part of getting scared is getting fucking laughy. I don't know, it tickles my belly. I like it. Um, you know, but motherfuckers just think they can say anything. I had a person the other night uh say they wanted to add to one of my jokes after a show.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

It's like, yeah, I got a good idea for you.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

And you know, I'm you know, it's it's I like it. I like when somebody gives me ideas because anybody gives you an idea, and even if that you think that one is shit, it could spawn another idea, and then you get splatter shot ideas, and as they drip down the wall, one of them may be a gem. There might be a little diamond hiding in a little piece of poopy dripping down the wall. Yeah. So it's not that I hate it, it's just that when it comes from someone who hasn't put in a significant amount of time, chances are it's gonna be shit. Just because before you've got 10,000 hours, or you know, there's that book, 10,000 hours you can master anything, before you've got a considerable amount of stage time as a comic, I'm not talking about if you got music, because I got that too. It's different, it's different. It helps, but it's different. As a comic, uh, all that stage, then you kind of you kind of start to learn, I don't know, quicker whether it's shit or whether it's gonna work. You have a better sense anyway. You think you do, your percentage goes up. How about that? Not that you still don't write shit, because God knows everybody writes stuff that falls flat. Um, but yeah, so it's e you know, everybody when you start doing comedy, everybody, you gonna put me in your bit? You're gonna put me in your bit. I bet you're gonna tell that story about, you know, sometimes it ain't it don't work like that, you know. Sometimes it does. But a lot of times, man, something that's just funny, or or you're funny to me, or you make me laugh, but that don't mean that a joke about you to a bunch of other people who have no idea who you are or what you look like or smell like, or what your teeth look like, or how cross-eyed you are, or how sexy you are, except that one toe that crosses over that other toe, but that makes you cute and unique, so it's okay. You know, they don't know any of that stuff. So a lot of those jokes, a lot of them, you know, them things don't ain't it's not personal. People get mad. You don't talk about what?

SPEAKER_03 5:55

What you what?

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Come on, man. This shit is hard. You trying to make me talk about potato trees? Potato trees. Yeah, man. I had this one dude one time. He swore that potatoes came out of trees. I wonder what that tree would look like. That'd be a gristled ass tree.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Potato trees.

unknown 6:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Just uh, since I'm doing this in the morning, or just Pepsi. No settles. Setos of Vesa Oi. Oh shit. So today is Wednesday, June 24th. Um, this comes out tonight. I'm just gonna go ahead and put this out. Morning rant style. You know what I'm saying? So tonight I'm in Ocean City, Maryland on the ocean.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Doing comedy. That's all right. Woo!

SPEAKER_01 6:59

That's right. Going down there with uh Drunkenstoner. Um, I don't even know where it is, so I get I guess I should find out where it is. But Friday, I just found out, like I knew the show has been on my website for a while. Get tickets. I think there's a couple left for Friday. Um, it's a dark comedy show. I didn't even know that. I didn't even know that when I I mean till like Monday. I'm so excited now. I get a free pass to say whatever I want. I like all the things that I write down, and I'm like, I'm gonna take this up on stage, and I get up on stage and I do it, but I do like a slightly dumbed down version of it. I'm gonna see how the the originals work. It's gonna be fun, man. It's gonna be fun. Dark comedy that's at uh Dream Big on Friday night. Um it's a bunch of friends on that one, too. I don't mean friends like that that French comedian, if you haven't seen him, look him up. Uh he's got a whole bit about how in France the uh the uh the the N-word on television, like when they translate it, it translates, they translate it to friends. It's a good bit, man. It's a it's funny. And the way I've kind of watched him I don't know how long he's had that bit, but over the last year, his name's Zach. Zach Mama, I think. Follow him on Instagram. Tell him your boy at OGYN, Joe Spain, say what's up. He uh he um he he's he's branched off and he's he's real loose with it now, so he adds stuff on. Yeah, it's a good bit, it's funny. Um, and he always shows the crowd, and a lot of times the crowd in the beginning ain't with him. They're like, oh no. I I like doing the same thing, so it really hits me like kind of digging a hole or like making people a little bit uncomfortable because then when you do get the laugh, it's that it's like busts out of them, and that's what I'm trying to do. Make boogers shoot at your nose. When I see boogers, I get happy. Happy, happy, booger, booger, booger. Booger, booger, boog, booger. Yeah. So um Isaiah's at work right now, so I'm not gonna call him. Actually, I'm at work too, but you know, you know, I'm working, I'm working this, I'm working this podcast. Podcast full of people. I want to send some love and a shout out to my girl Shauna Henry.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Shauna Henry.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

She uh, her daughter got in an accident and she's been tending to her, and she's on her way back today. Uh, Shauna is on the show Saturday. So Friday, I'm at Dream Big. Saturday, we're in Denton at Edentown Brewery, I believe it's called. Shauna's on that. Zach Spicer's on that, and then I got G Levi coming down. Very funny lady. She's wild as shit, makes me laugh. I love seeing her. Um, Alejandro. Um I think Sean's coming down for that one as well. Sean Savoy. It's gonna be a good time. I don't know if there's any tickets left for that one. Last I was told it was getting very sporadic. Sporadic! Sporadic. That means not many, I think. It means like all over the place. Like a shotgun from far away. You might catch a pellet or two. Sporadic. Thoughts get sporadic, bust it let's shots to your attic. I fucked that all up, but that's a uh my son gets mad at me for doing that. He'd just be saying a word, and I know a song for that word. My thoughts get sporadic. Bust it, man, shots to your attic. It's I can damn it, I can't remember it. It's on to Cal, I believe. Uh Method Man Tacal. Um swimming with the sharks now. I can't remember. Somebody'll fucking hook me up. Joe at Jospaynecomedy.com. Let me know what that song is. So uh, and then so that that Saturday night. Um, that's supposed to be a really nice place. It's a brand new brewery in Denton, Maryland. And it's gonna be a good time. Uh come see that one. Like I said, I think it's sold out, but there might be like three or four tickets left, like weird ones. But that's a really good show. It's a good collection of comics, good collection of people, and beer. And food trucks, and fine. What else could you want? And then Sunday, I'm in DC at the DC Improv with my man Tony Woods. So Monday I am going to uh feel like poo-poo. But I'll have a good new material Monday.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

Right back on stage, bitch!

SPEAKER_01 12:27

What you want, what you want, what you want, right back on stage, right back on stage. Don't worry about my age, because I get right back on stage. Three or four sets in a night. Get in my way and we'll fight. Don't matter if you're black or white, I'm gonna do sets tonight. See, if I had one of them beat boards, y'all would have thought I wrote that shit down, but I didn't. Freestyle from your boy Joe Spain butch. I don't know what's wrong with me. All right, man. Um, so there's a bunch of stuff going on that we can talk about. Um in the new first of all, Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to all the daddy dads out there. Yeah, let's give them a cheer. All right. Doing a lot of cheering today. Sorry about that. There's a lot of things to be happy for. So, yeah, happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. My son just graduated high school. Uh I think it's time for him to move the fuck out because it's becoming like he gotta learn lessons on his own. And hopefully he comes back around and loves his dad again. Um, so hopefully everybody had a good father's day. I had a good father's day, man. I got to hang out with my dad um last Sunday, actually. All day long, and my son. We was three deep. Joe Spain three. Yeah, my dad's a junior, I'm a third, and my son's a fourth. So once my son's 21, man, we're gonna give bartenders headaches.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Whose card is whose? We don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Charge it to the oldest one. That's what I'm saying. Oh man, if something happens to my dad, that's me. I hope that don't last long. I hope I die soon after my dad. So I gotta pay the bar tabs. My son be so man, fuck! I've only got three or four years of dad paying my bar tabs. He won't even drink, so well, I guess he is only 18, so glad I said it that way. Um, fucking heat in Europe. Supposedly, man, people in Europe are getting killed. Like it's ice is melting where it ain't supposed to be melting. Dogs are dying. Old people can't get. Yeah, supposedly hot where it's not supposed to be hot, like real hot. Excuse me. Um, other big news around the way, around the way, around the World Cup. I work with all Hispanic guys, man. Mostly Guatemalans, some El Salvadorians, um, no Puerto Ricans, uh, Mexicans. Um, I think that's it. I'm trying to think through all of them. Uh but World Cup. Jesus, man. Every job I go on, I gotta tell them turn it down a little bit. Come on, guys. I know you love that shit, but you gotta turn that shit down. White people don't care about that. Black people don't care about that. Just you. No, I'm just kidding. A lot of people are on the World Cup. It's fucking exciting. It's fucking exciting. My son got into it, and he's actually got me into it, man. Fucking Messi is a beast. That little good-looking prick scored three goals. Three-not one, three-nothing. And then the next game, they won two-nothing, and he scored both of them goals. This man is on fire.

unknown 16:23

Fire.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Argentina kicking ass. Yeah, so check that out. And Ronaldo uh last night scored two goals, and he's like 41, I think. And Messi's 37 or 38 years old. So, like, Ronaldo is like one uh draft class, you know, if you will. A couple draft classes ahead of him. So he's kind of waning, and Messi's like right at the top right now. So this is probably Messi's World Cup, barring something weird happened. Yo, y'all have seen them videos on uh look it up, man. You can see them everywhere, all the socials. I see them on Instagram. Messi's bodyguard. Oh my god, yo, this guy runs like somebody will come on the field to try to hug Messi or to try to get him a sign something or whatever. And this guy intercepts him like straight up like a DB. Takes a good angle. The dude is fast, he's big, he's a little bit scary, ball headed. That's why he's fast. I try to tell y'all that's why I cut my hair ball headed. I couldn't jump. You know, I used to say when I was younger, man, I could uh like when I first started being able to dunk, I was probably 15. I had long hair, and it felt like when I cut my hair, I could jump higher. Just saying, just saying. I'm no physics major, but felt like I could get a little bit more eat. It was a little easier, a little easier. All right, uh, yeah, man. Um ice stuff is still happening, unfortunately. Uh, there's gotta be a better way, there's gotta be a way in the middle. I'm not saying they should all be here. There's definitely some of them that shouldn't be here, but like it's kind of weird. It's kind of a little weird seeing people in fatigues just grabbing other people that have been here for 20 years. Some of them are citizens. I know goddamn well the other day a friend of mine got grabbed. He's served. He was in a fucking Iraq. Dude came home from Iraq and got caught up. Now he's in a goddamn uh Texas or something. They shipped him quick from Maryland to Texas. Boom! Or no, maybe Oklahoma. I'm sure he'll be okay. I hope. But he gotta go through all that bullshit. That shit ain't free. He missed some work. Goddamn citizen. God damn. So hopefully they figure out some like I get it, man. I get it. They shouldn't let so many of them in, especially undocumented. All races, creeds, colors, whatever. But it's gotta be a better way than just dragging people, man. It ain't a good look.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

It ain't a good look on me.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Oh shit. Um basketball's over. I usually talk about that with Izzy. But uh the sp the draft was last night. So the Spurs added uh I can't remember his name, man. The guy from Michigan. Big dude, uh, like a power forward. This motherfucker's a beast, yo. He's like six foot, it's not giant tall. I think he's like six foot nine or six foot ten. But his goddamn wingspan. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? Nine foot one inch. This motherfucker stand up straight and itch his shins. Excuse me, sir. Can you grab me the remote? Oh, I know you're in the other room, but you're still closer to me, you long-arm bitch. But imagine him and Wemby on the same team. Motherfuckers ain't gonna be able to shoot. It don't matter where they are on the court, those guys can cover some ground, man. And and this dude's nimble. Like Nem uh Wemby is nimble. I think if he gets a little more man strength, like it seems like when he jumps real hard, when he comes down, I don't know. It just seems like he could use a little more man strength. But this young man, who I'm sorry I cannot remember your name, bro, um, is a monster. He's first of all, he's 24 years old. So he finished college, he won a national championship, and he is a monster. He's a monster. So that they're gonna be good for a while. Um the new jackass is coming out, that shit's everywhere. Those guys, man, they're old. I think some of them are older than me, and they're still fucking. I know Knoxville is. They're still fucking themselves up. They got to uh the reappearance of Bam Margera. I actually thought he was dead. I'm glad he's not. Uh I think I was thinking of Ryan Dunn. R.I.P. Ryan Dunn. Um Those guys are funny, man. A lot of people were I saw a lot of people complaining about the 250 fight, man. Listen. Listen. Minus politics. Take all the politics out of it. I don't give a fuck how you feel about Donald Trump. I don't give a fuck how you feel about JD Vance. I don't give a fuck about any of it. The event of it of itself, I, in my opinion, was amazing. They brought first responders down with every fighter. Every fighter except Michael Chandler. Let me say that right here. Michael Chandler ignored the fucking guys. Didn't, you know, maybe he's locked in, whatever. He was ready to go get his ass beat, little punk fuck. Um, he might be a nice guy, but goddamn, he seems like a little cocky bastard. Uh ignored the first responders behind him, but everybody else walks to the ring with these first responders, you know, shakes their hand, hugs them. Some of the first responders were like, yo, come on, let's get the guy that was working out with Sugar Sean. That's what he was doing.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

Let's go, let's get this motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

God was like a firefighter or something. Sean a man in his pop, you know. Anyway, I think there were seven fights. Let's just think, let's just talk about the fights. All the fights were knockouts. Or, yeah, TKOs. Every fight. I mean, what do you want? What are you asking for? I don't see how the fights could be any fucking better, man. Um, Josh Hokitt, let me just go ahead and address that. The the guy who said uh something about Michelle being a man, uh dumb statement, whatever, but that's his character. That's not really who that guy is. He's trying to be outrageous. He's got so many people talking about him. It did what it was supposed to do. Dana can like it or not, Dana White, the owner of UFC. He can like it or not, but it don't matter. Everybody's talking about it. And they're still talking, and they're gonna watch him fight next time, even if they're rooting against him. So, whatever. Um, he beat fucking Derek Lewis. I mean, Derek Lewis ain't what Derek Lewis used to be. He's not very nimble, you know. Um, he's still got fucking ham hands.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

One of them motherfuckers touches you off.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

That's what I feel like. The white flash, the copper in your mouth, nose gets all tingly, and all of a sudden it's been 10 minutes, and you don't know where you were or what you were doing. That dude has got power. Power. Josh Hokett beat him. The main event. I mean, what the fuck? You got Ilya Taporia coming in, who is unbeated, undefeated, unbeat. I meant to say unbeaten and undefeated, in the same word, it went unbeated.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Unbeated! Beat it!

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Yeah, so he's unbeated coming in against Justin Gagey, who's lost, you know, a bunch of times, but fights fucking wars. And Ilya Tapore is talking about you're not gonna make it out of the second round, and blah, blah, blah. And Justin came right out and touched him. And Justin Gagey hits hard. Before you know it, he beat his face off. Dude didn't come out, didn't come off the bit uh stool for the fifth round. Uh broken orbitals, broken nose, smashed, smashed his face. I think it's gonna be tough for him, man. Not only uh ego, because when you're unbeaten and you say all the things that he said, and you kind of make yourself this guy, you know, I am this guy. First of all, they're only 140 pounds or whatever. But you know, he's bad. Don't get me wrong. He's bad. He's about it, but let's put it in perspective, you know what I'm saying? So uh you know, you can't. I I just think it's funny.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

I just think about it, I don't think you can beat me.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Whatever, dude. Justin Gacy beat your fucking face off. So you gotta swallow that and get your fucking face fixed, and then you know the next time you step in the ring, you're gonna be thinking about, you're gonna have a little bit of question in your brain. Plus, Justin Gacy showed everybody else what they gotta do to beat the guy, and there's a lot to be said for that. Because everybody that seems unbeatable, even when you're talking about teams, you know, in sports, somebody shows you a weakness, and then everybody tries to explore it. In football, um, you know, nobody knows how to beat the Rams. They just got this offense. And then the other team decides to worry about first downs instead of scoring and just take the ball out of the offense's hand. And then everybody after that kind of, you know, they learn from the same thing in fighting, man. And Ilya Taporia is good at everything, but so is everybody. So is everybody. So I good luck to him, man. He kind of um, you know, he kind of built himself up for failure to some degree. Because nobody wins forever. All right. Um, the Iran thing, they're supposed to be signing that shit. So hopefully our gas prices will come down. Um, nobody accomplished anything. We bomb stuff, they bomb stuff. Um, everything is pretty much the same as it was before, except now uh they are a world power. So congratulations. There is a uh a woman, you guys gotta look this up. There's a woman in Florida catching uh pythons. She got channels, she's hot and she's funny. Check that out. Kim Jong un got a new uh Navy ship. Ooh, yeah, King Jong oo. Let's see what he says. Oh, it's just music. Oh, that's dumb. Alright, so he got a new navy ship. It looks pretty cool. Little man with his navy ship.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

Little man with his big mistress and his little boat.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Man, why do I like watching animals fight so much? I don't get it. Like, I like watching a praying man as fuck up a mouse. It's amazing. I'm doing chickens right now. Actually, I'll put a chicken video on my Instagram right now. Joe Spain Comedy on Instagram. Um, the little dinosaurs, man, I love fucking with them. I had chickens the whole time I was growing up. But then for a bunch of years in the middle, I didn't have chickens. So now I'm falling in love with the chickens again. And there's this one club-footed chicken out of the chickens that I'm taking care of right now. Not really club-footed, he's more pigeon-toed. But how do you call a chicken pigeon toad? That motherfucker gets offended, yo.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

What you mean I'm a chicken?

SPEAKER_01 30:04

I said, I say you weren't a chicken, man. I said you was pigeon-toed. I ain't a pigeon, I'm a chicken. Listen, dude, I said pigeon toed, not a pigeon. You know, you can you can imagine the rest.

SPEAKER_00 30:19

Um I love my chickens.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

So there's a there's uh an electric truck now that's coming out, a pickup. And it actually looks like uh, I'd say like a 60s Dodge pickup, but just rounded off. Um, but it's got roll-up windows. No radio, it's just a truck. Like back in the day when I was a kid, everybody, not everybody, a lot of people had a truck that just had roll-up windows. It was a stick shift, it had an ashtray, a cigarette lighter, and that was it. If it had a radio in it, it was aftermarket or a CB. A lot of them kind of trucks had a C B in it and no radio. And the whole time you were in it, you just listened to the people talk on the road for traffic and police.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

We got a smoky, smoky the bear coming down 495 south, 495 south, about the 113 mile marker, breaker, breaker 19.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Like that. My uncle was a uh across the road truck driver, so he he could talk that shit, man. What I just did was fake, he could do it for real. Man, um so I don't know why, but it's been a lot of fucking sharks on my goddamn. Oh, I know why, because on this goddamn podcast, I was talking about sharks being the killers. Killers! All over my inst all over my Instagram, all over my everything.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Sharks.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

I need to swim with sharks. I'm pretty sure. I think that would that would do it. If I could keep myself calm and swim with sharks, not little sharks. I swim with little sharks when I was a kid. Used to be this uh this part, like a sea world type thing in California when I lived in California, but it was called marine land. So it was like SeaWorld with a little methanthetamine. It was fucking uh like they had a tank that had this big shallow wading pool and then this deep end. And now I'm talking about deep, deep, like 30 foot deep, probably. So in the deep end, you could look through a piece of glass, like from under the mountain, into the deep end. So you could go get snorkels. Like, I was like, I don't know, 12 or 13 years old. You could go get goddamn goggles and a fucking snorkel and snorkel, and there was hundreds of sharks in there, but they were all probably five or six feet long, and I remember swimming around, they were kind of bumping into me in the shallows because they like to stay in at warm water. They were kind of bumping into me a little bit, and uh after a while, I just kind of forgot they were there. So I'm swimming around and looking at them through the goggles and through under the water, it's only about two feet of water. I'm right near the edge of where the deep part is, and one comes swimming up out of the deep part to go onto the the shallow end, and I noticed that about half his fucking tail is bitten off. And I said, Man, hmm, that tail is a little bit bigger than my hand. And that looks like he just got a nip, like somebody was just mad at him. So we didn't spend too much more time in there, but you could swim in that that park, I knew they had to be abusing animals. That's probably why it ain't there no more. Because you could do anything, like you could pet, um, you could pet the fucking uh what's it called? Orca, the killer whale, you could touch the motherfuckers, the walruses, you could anything, man. They let you do anything, and it wasn't like special passes, and it was fucking awesome, man. It was cool shit. That was probably in 1990 or 88 or something like that. So somebody looked that shit up. I'm sure it's closed down by now. I look at all these uh, I'm looking at news stories. I look at all these news stories, and it's like half these people don't even know. And I do this every week. I skim down through it every week. How do you people kept up keep up with all this pop shit? All right, here we go. iPhone 18 Pro. Uh-oh, here we go. How many people bought the 17? A lot of people. A lot of people. I didn't because I heard there was not that much difference. So I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait until like something crazy changes, even though the iPhone has been the same since like 12. That's wrong. The camera changed, I think, at 14 or something. I don't know, I might get an 18. Let's see what features have us excited about the iPhone 18. It's got a new chip, the A20 Pro chip. Oh, they did more camera, uh, camera upgrades. It's got a variable aperture, and the front facing camera has a larger aperture. C2 modem. It's a new modem. Um, and that's the end of the article. Oh man. They said to fix the new um, fix the airpods, too. I hope they don't make your ear hurt. I know motherfuckers that wear them all day and they don't complain, but they hurt my fucking ears, you know. I ain't gonna lie to you. Hurt my ears. Oh man. Um, let's see what else we got. Oh man, I see men butts. Queer art is amazing. Hmm, is it? I don't see anything queer. Oh, yeah, I guess it is. There's two men in the bathroom. One's washing their ass. I see. Oh, and he's kind of holding his back. That must be uh a little after pain.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

You ever had your shit pushed in?

SPEAKER_03 36:59

You had no shit pushed in.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

That's on um yeah, I don't remember. We already talked about the World Cup. We're not gonna continue talking about that. Does anybody know who Remy Bader is? I don't either. She lost a bunch of weight. I don't know, who cares? Who gives a fuck? I don't give a fuck. Do you give a fuck? Um I think they should take and I'm trying to find something about the NBA draft, is what I'm trying to find. But I look at too many things about guns, PlayStation, fucking. Oh, here's page six. Let's see what's on page six. Alright, who's Sydney Sweeney? I know I've heard that name before. She has pictures of a tight lingerie set.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Tight lingerie set.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

She's kind of pretty, I guess. She kind of looks like a kid, though. Maybe that means I'm old. Does it mean you're old? When women start looking like children, I think that means you're old. But you know, it's still not too old. Like, I think like 29-year-old girls are fucking hot. But like 22, 23-year-old girls look like maybe not even that old, but yeah, yeah. 22, 23, 24-year-old. Oh my god, I'm getting called. Right during a goddamn podcast. Definitely not. Can't take that one. I call him back. I call him back. Sorry, buddy. Call you back. I didn't even know I had my phone on. I'm glad I did that because I'd have yelled at somebody else for doing that.

SPEAKER_02 38:49

Why you got your phone?

SPEAKER_01 38:54

I heard this whole thing about black holes the other day. Like, we need something else to be fucking scared of.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Oh, it's fucking dense and it sucks. Fucking it's gonna suck everything in them.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

We're gonna go backwards in time. See, nobody's ever been in a mountain in a black hole, so they can't really tell me that it's not land before time in there. It could be, it could be like dinosaurs, they could all be chilling. You know, Dwayne Rock Johnson visiting on weekends, Jack Black playing music, singing songs. You know, one one um the one uh the Iranian fucking soccer team said they gotta go back and forth across the border. They're not allowed to stay in the United States. Is that real? I don't know if that's real or not, but that's kind of wild. They let them play, but they don't let them stay. Come on, man. Relax. It ain't the fucking soccer players' fault. I think everyone should buy drones. You know how we have the right, the right to own arms by the amendment in the constitution. The constitution, second amendment says you have the right to bear arms. Cuerpos. No, pistolas. You have the right to bear arms. Um, and it says to protect yourself and protect your property and tyrannical government and drones, I think, are gonna have to be the same because governments and companies cannot be the only ones with drones, right? Because like the whole war in Russia is being won and lost by drones. The whole threat in Iran and the Strait of Hermoose was mines, but it was also drones. So I think that everyone should have drones because they can't be the only ones that have them. We have to have drones, the people's. And that's gonna be one of the things they're gonna try to take from you to watch. Trust me, they're gonna try to make you either have a license or register, or there's gonna be some language like that, some safety measure. There's gonna be something to where they can fucking regulate and tax and track drones if you don't get them. They're probably already there, actually. It's probably already there. They probably already got fucking, they probably know right where every goddamn drone in the world is. Alright, here we go. Here we go with the draft. Sorry if they don't care about this, but I found the dude's name. So the Wizards had the first pick. Um, I'm not a big Trey Young uh fan, but they like him. People like him. So they got AJ Dibantsa Dibantasa. Dibantasa? Dibantisa. Dibantasa. Now I'm at I think he's uh African of some sort. Sorry, no disrespect. I just didn't know. So I don't know this guy's name name either. Um the Yaxel is that guy's name I was trying to think of. The 24-year-old that the guy that went to uh went to Golden State. I think that dude is fucking bait is real. I think he's real. Um yeah, it seems like it was a pretty like it it says losers. So in the losers it says Oklahoma City. I don't know why they said they got a seven foot three center from Michigan, a day Mara. But they have a bunch of bigs, so the 76ers were losers. That sucks. I like when they're good. Not a 76ers fan, but I like when Philly has a good team. Oh, that article's written like shit. Why couldn't you just write write a fucking normal article where the goddamn shit says number one, this is good or bad, number two, this is good or bad. Number three, this is good or bad. It doesn't have to be all fucking read the whole article to fucking hoo yo. I think Michigan. Um did really good because they fucking they had at least three or four guys in the top in the in the lottery which is the top picks. Top picks are lottery picks, don't you know? Man, I got no um this guy keeps arguing with me, yo. And he just keeps arguing with me. I don't even know what the fuck he's talking about. Damn it. Gotta pay for pay for time, man.

SPEAKER_00 44:32

Time ain't free. Free time.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

Think about going to um, I'm going to North Carolina next week. I'll be in Greensboro, North Carolina next Friday. Doing a show. Don't know if I actually I'll be going one or two places. It's kind of up in the air. So I probably shouldn't be talking about it, but I did, so fuck yourself. Fuck yourself in a nostril. I wrote down in my comedy book the other day. Uh fucked in a stab wound. Why did I write that down? That seems so dark. That seems so dark. I guess if you can't fit it, you gotta get it in where you fit it in, you know what I'm saying? Oh man. Smartphones or cameras. That is the question. I think phones are pretty goddamn good, man. But I do have a camera for shooting stuff, but now everything good is hard to store, you know. You gotta keep up on that shit.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

You gotta keep up on that shit, cause that technology, boy. Technology's kind of like a thing that we do, even if we don't wanna do it, we have to do it.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Because, like right now, you're probably using your phone, probably using a computer, maybe, watching a television, driving a car, eating a sandwich on slice bread. Um, I mean, wearing clothes, probably brush your teeth with toothpaste. I hope, I hope, I can smell your breath. I can smell your breath. You know, technology is technology technological. It's what we do when we don't mean to do it, but we're always doing it. But it's crazy. These new robots, man. I seen some new robots the other day. They was doing things. Doing things. Humpy motions that I had one robot on the corner and flip me off. What you gonna do to a robot? You shoot that motherfucker, it won't hurt him. Let alone you kick him, you kick him, he just roll over and stand back up. Say excuse me to you, probably. Fucking I do be trying to be nice to him though. Like when I'm in a self-checkout line in Walmart's, I say please and thank you. And Lowe's, and I gotta talk to that machine. Man, Lowe's has got a uh robot that goes up and down the aisles and does inventory. And it whistles. I started, I was whistling it back to it one day. I didn't know it was a robot. I thought it was my dead mom. That's how we used to find each other in the store. She would go and I would go. That's how we found each other. This goddamot impersonate my dead mother. I'm suing. Yeah, but I walked over to it and I was checking it out. Sure enough, it was scanning barcodes and counting how many things were in the place. So it needed to know if tell somebody if they had to come put some more in stock or order more or whatever. And it looked like a it looked like kind of like a flat screen that was probably four feet tall and maybe like nine inches or ten inches wide, and it rolled down the yeah, it was wild, man. Never seen nothing like it. That's just the beginning. Just the beginning. Soon there will be no dummies and loath. It's real bad now, man, because you ask somebody something in most places, not all places, but you ask somebody where something is in a store, then they, without even thinking about it, 80% of them grab their own phone or the thing for that the store gives them that's kind of like a phone, it's like a little pad or whatever. They people don't use their brains on per. Like it helps you, so you don't have to remember everything. But guess what? Your brain getting mushy. Your brain is getting mushy. Mine too. I'm not preaching because I'll do the same shit. But man, people are forgetting how to think about things. They automatically grab for that thing. You ask them a question, like you walk up to them at just out of nowhere and say, Where is the bathroom? They know where the bathroom is, they ain't gotta look. But just out of a reflex, they reach for that pocket, they touch it before they say, Go down here because it's automatic. You wait till they integrate that shit. You ain't gotta touch it. That shit is just bing. People will do it on purpose. They almost do it already. You carry it around everywhere, put it by your balls, messing up your sperm counts, giving you anus cancer. That might be wrong. My hip, I got hip cancer from having my phone in my pocket. Yeah, man, but the shit is getting wild. Fucking uh what else? Oh, um there's a a restaurant. I'm not gonna say the name of it, but there's a restaurant to where there's only people cooking. Period. No nothing. You go up to a screen, you do your thing, and then you go up to the counter, pick up your food. End of transaction. A lot of places are like that now, but this place is kind of a nice place. Like it used to have service. Nope. I called uh who'd I call yesterday? Oh, Lowe's. I called Lowe's yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 50:54

I was screaming, you fucking bitch at the AI.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

I know it can't understand, but then it understood. Now I hope they don't have a uh a recording of me flipping out on a fucking robot. I was kind of trying to make my son laugh, but I was going kind of hard. I think I used the C word. It's a hard knock life. You never know. You know what I'm saying? So I never uh ain't no planes come down this week, I don't think. For a little while, man. It was fucking planes just flop. Oh yeah, there was last week. It took off and it didn't make it. But I think everybody's okay. I hope so. What do y'all think about um so there's all these like ruins in different places in the world? Like in Egypt, you know, the pyramids obviously, South America all over the place in Mexico, um, Africa. You know, there's all these these ruins or these these parts of civilizations. Well, you know, now they're finding out that under those is a whole nother thing from a lot longer ago. A lot, a lot longer. What the fuck is wrong with my tongue? So these like the pyramids may be built on something that was already there longer, you know what I mean? Like the shit was more I think this is what I think. I think there's the only explanation for a lot of that shit is that we were more advanced. I don't think it's a it's it's almost arrogant to think anything else. That we were like more advanced and something set us back. I don't know, disease, impact, uh, you know, of a comet or an astro meteor or whatever, flood, um something, maybe a combination of things set the whole world back. And they the cavemen that we know are actually like crawl, like the cockroaches crawling out of the crumbled building. You know what I mean? Like everything was shit, and these guys and they come out and fire Come here, woman. That's not the sounds they made when they had sex, that's just how they communicated. So then they started there, and then the history that we know is from that point forward. But we're getting ready to find out because they got all kind of new devices that dig and like no, not dig that shoot radar or penetrating you know, so we can see underneath stuff and they know something's there. You know, I was in I'm house sitting. And I went in a cabinet the other day and I found a sex toy. Okay, I'm house-sitting, it's not mine. But I have to say, just for a minute. Just for a minute. I almost used it. No, I'm just kidding. I did almost smell it though.

SPEAKER_00 54:34

Just jokes, just jokes.

SPEAKER_01 54:38

Oh man. Yep, iPhone 18 is coming. That's all over the goddamn news. I'm glad we had this time to sit down, guys. Oh my god, Mexico City banned alcohol sales of neck ahead of the next World Cup match. People are gonna be fucking hammered when they get there. You accomplished nothing. I guess at least they'll have to be sobering up or keeping it in their pocket on the DL. It's gonna be hot as fuck, too. So I hope they like hot tequila. Y'all know that song Pee-Wee Herman. Dancing on the bar with them shoes.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

I used to try to do why'd I try to emulate Pee-Wee?

SPEAKER_03 55:34

I didn't mean to.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

I didn't know. I didn't know, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 55:46

Oh shit. So many. I'm glad I came into this with a little bit of a little bit of no effects. That shit got me going. Let's find another good no effect song to get you guys right. Um how about um uh oh I like this one. This is about um the song is about Mike probably wouldn't care if I played this, but if he does, man, I don't make any money on this, Mike or Melvin or any of the No Effects guys. I love you guys. I'm sorry. Fat records for life. But, you know, spreading the love. Guys, this has been real fun. I'm glad I sat down to do this today. Got me in a better mood. I hope everybody got some laughs with me. Please share this, share this with your people. Help us keep growing, keep us spreading the laughter, spreading the laughter, spreading the fun, spreading the information. Even if it's misinformation, it's fun. Uninformation. That's what I'm gonna name it. Anyway, um, times are good, man. Don't let nothing get you down. Keep on rolling. Don't listen. Somebody coming at you negative, don't listen. Just do what you know you gotta do. Laugh at them. You know what I'm saying? Call it nice, call it quits. This song here is about how we can end all the wars, all the wars in the Middle East, they're all fought with the promise of virgins. Virgins in the end. People wouldn't kill themselves with bombs if they knew that they're not virgins at the end. Maybe hookers. Maybe we need hookers. 72 hookers, 72 hookers to save the world. Thank you guys on Justin's Just Mane Comedy on Instagram.