OGYN Podcast

Comedy podcast by comedians Joe Spain III and Isiah Tingle. Inspiring, funny and interesting guests from all over.

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OGYN Podcast

OGYN #39 Spain Cast News!

July 09, 2026 • Joe Spain III • Season 1 • Episode 39

0:00 | 48:25

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Thank everyone for listening!!! Love laughing with everyone and meeting cool people.

This episode is a solo and Joe covers current events mixed with misinformation, of course.

Joe and Izzy chop it up and tackle all the tough issues with comedy. Live Show tix joespaincomedy.com

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SPEAKER_04 0:39

Welcome to another episode of the O G Y N podcast. Almost to 40. This is number 39. Gonna do this a little bit different today. I am your boy, Joe Spain, Joe SpainComedy.motherfucking comm. You don't have to type in the motherfucking. That's just a figure of speech. Um lot of shows coming up this Friday. I will be at tomorrow. I'm recording this on Thursday. I'm gonna put it out immediately because man, I've been working hard.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

I've been working hard.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

I worked till like 11 last night.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

And I was like, man, I don't want to bring everybody down.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

So I need to be in a better place.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

So let's do it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_04 1:25

So here I am on a Thursday recording the podcast. So tomorrow night, Friday, I'll be at uh the Kava place. The kava bar in Baltimore. It's uh um what the hell is it called? It's kava, man. Y'all don't know nothing about new kava? Kava's like cocaine light. No, not really. It's like coca leaf light. It's a leaf or a root. I think it's a root, and they grind it up and they make like mocktails out of it. So you can like get a bloody merry, but instead of having alcohol and it's got kava in it. Not really. I don't think they actually have that one, but like fruity ones and shit. It makes your mouth all numb. And they got a nice little showroom down there, and your boy's gonna be slinging some jokes. It's a mob town comedy thing. So if you guys are in town, out and about, come check it out. I love that little room. They get a uh, I don't know, 30, 40 people packed in that room at most, and it's fun. I like to show my ass in there. Yeah, so it'll be good. So what we're gonna do, that I was singing some clutch. Y'all know no none by no clutch? Clutch is a um, I guess they're hard rock, is what you call them. I like them, man. Math rock, maybe. I've always been a big clutch fan. Fucking the clutch space album on mushrooms is fucking epic.

unknown 2:56

Epic.

SPEAKER_04 2:57

It's so fun. That like the first track is uh it starts out. Oh yeah. It's just got this groove to it, right? And then the second song. Oh, you can hear the mushrooms in that music, you know what I'm saying? And then the third song, and that's panned back and forth. I don't know if just I mean it's just like every song is jamming. This song right here on mushrooms is like a whole goddamn, it's like a journey to the middle of the earth. As you can surely imagine. Some of you don't have to imagine, some of you that have been there with me. Don't come after me for playing this. I'm promoting you. I'm promoting you, clutch. Yeah, so speaking about clutch, uh, I met a guy whose son is their on the road with clutch all the time. That's his job. He sells t-shirts and merchandise. He's like their head, you know, merchandising. Man, everybody needs one of those guys, man. Damn. That's like the I don't know, I guess it's kind of cool. Like when we do shows and stuff, I don't have no merch, but um when I was a musician, we always had merch. And after the show, I want to hang out and talk and drink and whatever. And I don't know, man. I guess I'm too nice, but you need to sell it to make money, and then you know, people want to sign shit and you know, tell you about their cousin that plays guitar and's only got two fingers and only one on each hand, but he can pick a fiddle. You know, I mean, some of it's good, but some of it's like, man, let's just relax. The job my job is over. So, like, same thing, man. Comedy. You go up there, do your thing, get a good shwat going, make your ball shot for the people and then you know, you want to get hugs and people you ain't seen or people you ain't even met. Sometimes I just like hugging random people. I just hug them. Just hug them up, squeeze them, hold them just long enough so they feel a little uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 5:24

Just get a little, get a little extra, a little extra squeeze, maybe maybe a half a hip rotation into them. You know what I'm saying? Just like fully pull them in, squish them against the front of my legs, you know, like give them a full body hug. Even kiss toes, you know, try to touch shins and just whoa, it feels good.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Gotta get them endorphins out before the cops get there.

SPEAKER_04 5:58

Oh man. So uh what else is going on this week, man? It's been a lot going on.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

A lot going on now.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

We got a big UFC fight coming up this weekend. The return of the fucking red panty night to Connor McGregor.

SPEAKER_05 6:15

Connor McGregor.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

I seen somebody asked him about uh his uh sexual assault charges.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

And he says, ah, it's a lie. It's a lie.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Hey, hey, I will be vindicated. I said to you, there's an innocent man.

SPEAKER_04 6:35

Yeah, so I don't know. He got civilly, he paid him some money, but he was found innocent, or the charges were dropped, or something. So I don't know what really fucking happened. But I will say, whatever uh, whatever fucking interviewer, journalist, human asked the question, got some balls.

SPEAKER_05 6:57

Got a little bit of balls, a little bit of ball.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

We like when they push it. Get them fired up, man. Give us a soundbite. That's what everybody's after. Motherfucking soundbite. Give me a soundbite. Oh, so the clutch dude. So I'm gonna bring him on. Dude used to be a uh stage hand for a couple different bands. It's toured all over the world. Uh like in the late 70s, early 80s. Uh, so I'm not gonna tell any of his story. I'm gonna let him tell his own story. I just it's weird the people you meet in life, man. You know, I always like I always like learning about people. I ask them, but what'd you be what you be doing? Sometimes I ask them on stage, but even in regular life, I'll be what you be doing? What you be doing with your life? I know what I'll be doing with my life. I'll be working. Working on working, on it, working, known it, I was gonna bust into another song about Alva Frain. Check it out on YouTube, man. I put a uh I did a dark comedy set. Um, which people say I do dark comedy anyway, but I don't think I do dark comedy. I just try to be silly and say silly shit, and whatever I think is funny is what comes out of my mouth. So if that makes me dark, I guess I'm dark. You know, but I did a comedy set and I pushed it a little bit. I said some things I probably wouldn't have said just to try because it was a dark comedy show, and not only was it a dark comedy, quote, I'm doing hand gestures right now, quote, dark comedy, end quote, show, it was also probably 85% black in the crowd. So that's a little bit of a weird dynamic because usually anybody who who's you know black people and Hispanic people are normally uh a higher percentage, I guess, maybe not normally, but a lot of the people that are going out, it seems, are more religious. And as a as a race, they don't fuck with like devil shit and you know animal fucking and you know, white boys talk about dumb shit and giggle. Like white boys silly silly sometimes, you know, they talk about gay stuff, you know, black people don't fuck with that neither. Um, but anyway, so I thought it was a really good mix. So I said, fuck it, man. I had a great time. Um I interacted a little bit. It's on YouTube. It's at uh Joe Spain, Joe Spain 3 Comedy. Um Joe Spain 3 Comedy. Joe Spain, S-P-A-I-N, the number three, and then comedy on YouTube. I put it up there. Uh I mean it's not my best set, but it's definitely a fun one. It's a fun one. Fun set. Comment on it or something. Tell me I'm fucking stupid, or you should have said this, or you should have said that, or bring your goddamn plumber knowledge up into my motherfucking comedy. Alright, let's see what's going on in the world today. I'm gonna break it down. I'm not gonna beat y'all's ears to death, but I might as well teach you what's going on today so you ain't gotta hear it from some lion fucker. At least I'll tell you, at least the fucker, I'll tell you what it shall. Alright. Hmm. So the Iran thing kicked back off. I had an I had a pretty good clue that it was all horseshit anyway, but any day without shooting, I guess, is a good day. They're getting ready to lay. Supposedly they was gonna kill this dude and the the country was gonna fall apart and everything. Well, they're getting ready to lay the dude that um the leader to rest. Like, I think today. And I saw some pictures of crowds. Crowds of people. It's like they're burying fucking Michael Jackson. So he must not have been that goddamn hated. He ain't no telling what you fucking know and what you don't know is the truth. And that's why I tell people all the time. I'm not gonna say names, but people get in their phone too much and don't pay attention to what's going on outside their phone enough sometimes because they they get this idea that the world is a certain way.

SPEAKER_05 11:35

Like, you know, it's people going crazy about this, or it's people going crazy about that. Well, eh, maybe.

SPEAKER_04 11:45

How many people? How many people are we talking about? Because I've seen I've been places like in DC and some shit go down, and then later see it online, and I know it was only 30 or 60 people, but you see six different fucking angles of the same 30 or 60 fucking people, and people acting like lunatics, and before you know it, they're talking about civil unrest in DC. Well, the rest of DC didn't even know about it. It was that one block or those couple blocks. I mean, come on, what are we doing? Just pay attention to what's actually around you in your life more than you do what you see online, is what I'm saying. Because it ain't bad, man. People smile, people hold the door for you.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I get a little pat, loop, little patty, patty, pat pat on the butt every once in a while. Every little pat on my bald ass head.

SPEAKER_04 12:43

People are cool, man. And if somebody's not cool, if somebody's in a bad mood, I try to make them in a good mood. Kill them with kindness. This lady today try to give me attitude.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

You don't need to do that.

SPEAKER_04 12:56

I said, ma'am, what you what else you got to do? I'm keeping you in here in this air conditioner. We can hang out. You want me to buy you a soda? Totally changed her whole thing. Honey, you ain't gotta do that. We stood there and had a great conversation. You can do that to yourself. Now I have had people fight me on it though. You know what I mean? Try to make somebody smile and that makes them madder. You know, it just might not be your day, man. Make me smack your dumb ass, and then I'll be laughing and you be crying. No, I'm just kidding, man. You gotta have some empathy. Gotta have some empathy. Man, I heard uh I was listening to a Theo Vaughn, and he had on the Kennedy that's from uh Louisiana. Louisiana! See, man, I don't agree with a lot of what the guy said, but he's a pretty, pretty whippersnapper he was. He was a funny man, it was a good podcast. Still protected Israel. Well, walking that party line, that's for sure. I keep telling Izzy about El Nino, man. I wonder if he would remember if I told him right now. They said I keep seeing in the news all over the place that they worried about uh a historic El Nino. It's gonna be strong and long. Like my ping pong dong. Strong and long. Yeah, so it's supposed to be like the the winds of El Nino. Are supposed to like do some weather shit, but a lot of weather shit for a long time. And that's what I gotta say about that. So look out for old El Nino, the boy. Why'd they call it El Nino? I don't get it. Why'd they name it that? Could be El Ombre. So maybe they'll have to change it. Like if it keeps getting stronger and longer, stronger and longer, El Nino. Now El Ombre. And then if it keeps getting stronger, El Hinte. Oh man, look those words up. No, oh, it's uh boy, man, people. Oh man. So USA Today is reporting that Trump says Islamic Republic of Japan fired missiles at a U.S. ship. I don't know. I don't even want to read into that. Because that that looks like propaganda. The way they got it. Islamic Republic of Japan. Oh, maybe he meant to say Iran. And they're quote, they're poking fun at those fucker. Man, why they all get them jiggly jaws? All presidents get them jiggly jaws. If you're in if you're in office long enough, you're gonna get gray. I don't mean your hair neither. Your skin gonna get gray. The only reason Trump ain't got it because he keeps his collar so fucking tight, keeps that thing tight, holds the blood in his head. You should see after he gets done a press conference, he lets that tight. His head's like half the size. Sucks right down. They gotta get a penis pumper and pump up his head and then tie his tie tight, and then he takes the penis pumper off his head and does another press conference. Holds all that blood in there, and then when he gets out, am I saying Trump's a dickhead? I didn't mean to. Man. So, what else we got going on in the in the current events today? I don't understand why we can't. So they got all these plastic bottles. They said there's a patch of trash in the Pacific Ocean twice the size of Texas, I think now. And they got this kid that's making first of all, they said they made a fungus like a m a mushroom, or maybe it was a bacteria. I can't remember, and I'm not looking it up. It was something alive that is little bitty ity that ate it. But if something's consumed, it's gotta be a byproduct. What does mushroom shit look like? And what can we use it for?

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Yeah, mushrooms are like aliens, man. Mushrooms can grow in a vacuum. And I don't mean electrologs.

SPEAKER_04 17:55

It used to be electrolog salespeople. They go door to door selling vacuums. How much pussy do you think you could get? Excuse my language. Okay, let's back up. How much lovin' the JJ Snatcherone do you think you could get in like the 1950s into the 60s as a good looking 26-year-old Electrolux door-to-door salesman?

SPEAKER_05 18:36

Good God almighty!

SPEAKER_04 18:40

Housewife at home. You bringing her something to make her job a whole lot easier. She ain't got to do it with her mouth no more. You stick your broom handle up her ass while you're sucking yourself off with the electrolox.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 19:02

I remember watching a show. I think it was an American horror story. That uh this kid had a flipper hand. And it looked like two in the pink and one in the stink. You know, the one that you see on uh people's back windows and shit. Or maybe it's two in the stink, two in the pink, and one on the bean. I don't fucking know. But he had a flipper hand. And all the housewives, and it was like set in the 50s, and he was a carney. So all the housewives, they would have him over while their husbands were at work, and he'd use that flipper.

SPEAKER_05 19:40

Use that flipper, use that flipper, flip that bean.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

Yeah, so it must have been perfect because them housewives was loving it. Loving, loving, loving, loving, loving, loving that. So I saw a person that lost a hundred and ten pounds in a year. I think that's great. I think it's too fast. There's 52 weeks in no, that's good. No, that's good. That's two pounds a week. I mean, that's a lot, but that's about as much as you want to lose, I think.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

I think that's what the doctor told me.

SPEAKER_04 20:20

Two pounds a week.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

Um I just got one question What do you do with all that skin?

unknown 20:33

What do you do with it?

SPEAKER_04 20:34

I wonder if you could sell it. You should be able to sell your extra skin. Man, keep people like fucking Buffalo Bill from raping and stealing women. Just buy skin online.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Skin for sale, skin for sale, get your elastic skin over here. Skinny, skinny, skinny. Get your skin purses, get your skin lop shade, get your skin belt, fits all sizes, osumpic made.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

Alright, that's far as I'm good with that one. Oh man. Oh, everybody's complaining about prices of everything. I fucking feel you guys. I feel you.

SPEAKER_05 21:26

Man, I was living in my truck, but I can't even live in my truck because the air conditioning and gas cost too much money.

SPEAKER_04 21:37

People complain about HOA. People that complain about their HOA fee make me want to kick them directly in their private parts. The fact that you have an HOA fee means you have a home, dick face. There's people that ain't eating or that are struggling to buy eggs, and your bitch ass is crying about an hoa fee. Eat the corn out of my turds. Dairy Queen. Says Dairy Queen. First world problems. First world problems. I know I can't afford my weed. Y'all might read about me. Man. Actually, I probably shouldn't say anything. Wrong person here and say, think I'm playing it. I ain't playing it, do nothing. I'm joking. This is all jokes. So number five is a barber. A barber. 50 to 60.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

Where the fuck you live? 60 to 70 dollars for just a cut. That's why I'm bald for free.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

I'm bald for free. And I see a lot of people should be right with me, man. Don't be holding on a couple sprigs of hair. My dad loves my dad to death. My dad is saving my life right now. Man, he got like maybe 46 or 32 hairs on top of his head. And his wife will not let him shave them off. She said, oh every time I bring it up, she says, oh no. I mean, whatever. I don't blame her. That's her deal. Beard trim for $20 extra. Man, that's a lot for a haircut, but you know, they got to eat too, man, and they got to eat eggs, and they got to buy the same gas we buying. So how long do you think it takes you to do a haircut? You're a professional haircutter, barber. My brother-in-law is a professional barber. So a professional barber, say it takes them 45 minutes. Yeah, so that's an hour. Because in any service thing, you do 40 minutes, and then you know, the other 20 minutes counts for like cleaning your chair, cleaning your brush, cleaning your scissors, kick starting the buzzers.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

Ring ring.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

Got a two-stroke clippers. Two stroke clippers and get that ear tight, boy. Have that high top fade clogging.

SPEAKER_02 24:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

So, I mean, you can't do dick for 50 bucks no more, man. You can't go to Wawa for 50 bucks. So if you do four haircuts a day, say six haircuts a day. That's pretty good money. But you on your feet, and plus you got to pay for the electric. You got to pay, or some people rent a chair, I guess. So you gotta pay that. It all affects everything. It affects everything. Straight of whore. Whore mooes. Who named that fucking thing?

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Open that bitch up. That whore mooes. Let the goods flow.

SPEAKER_04 25:08

Oh man. This motherfucker said he got he tried to get a kip kick kitchen garbage can. For the pop-up lid one. $65. Motherfucker, get yourself a storage bin for fucking $10 and call it a day. Stop complaining.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Stop complaining. We gotta be positive.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

Positive.

SPEAKER_04 25:34

Be positive. That's a blood type, ain't it? Yeah. RAM prices. I guess that's computer stuff. Four terabyte drive for my PA's PS5. Oh my god. Four terabytes is fourteen hundred dollars. Again, if you go about your regular day, well, I'm saying if he's a professional gamer, I guess maybe that's his regular day. Let me get him putting some shingles on a roof with a hand drive hammer. Old school. I haven't bought pop. That means that person is from the center of the country in at least four years, but I saw a 12-pack of the new Dr. Pepper variety, and it was $13. Well, don't buy the new variety. Buy the regular old Dr. Pepper. You know, Dr. Pepper got um prunes in it, I heard. Prune juice is one of the ingredients. You know what else prunes is in? People don't notice. The only reason I know this, when I was like 19, I worked at an 84 lumber. 84 lumber. Your choice for lumber. Anyway, 84 lumber. And uh next door was Nabisco.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

Nabisco Ding!

SPEAKER_04 27:00

Some of y'all remember that. Yeah. And they made, it was the Nabisco where they made A1 and they pumped it into the truck like a fucking gas truck, you know, like a tractor trailer full of A1. I always wanted to do a backstroke in a pool of A1.

unknown 27:19

I love A1.

SPEAKER_04 27:20

But that's one of the main ingredients in that is uh pureed pruneza.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Some people say, I don't like prunes, but give me some A1 on my steak. Is it okay?

SPEAKER_03 27:33

He doesn't even know it, but he's eating prunes.

SPEAKER_04 27:38

Toiletries, shampoo, body wash. That's why I don't use any of that stuff. Water cleanses, motherfucker. Smell my ass. This bitch is complaining about books. The books, the books cost, well, read free books. If you worry about feeding your brain, read free books. If you just worry about buying books, sitting on them, trying to make you a little bit taller, or putting them on the pedal so you can drive, you probably don't need them. You probably get something else. Oh my god, a bra of $65. That's crazy. That is painful because women need bras. I guess they don't need them, but in United States of America. United States of America, if you walk around with your nips pointed out, I mean you could do it depending on your boobs, you know, but it's like a statement. Most people wear bras, especially professional settings. So that being said, it's something that people have to buy in order like to go to work and shit. And for it to be $65 fucking dollars for something to hold your boobs is ridiculous. Re a fucking ridiculous. I think women should just free ball it, man. It would be way easier for us guys to know what the fuck we're getting into anyway. You know what I'm saying? Because you all got some crazy push-up bras that make things look a certain way that aren't a certain way. You know what I'm saying? I shouldn't break my neck like I'm headbanging to a metal song when you take your bra off. You know what I'm saying? Then they got the they got the uh the skinny jeep pants, the pants to pull the butts up to. Man, that's a trick. Where do they put it? That's what I don't understand. They put it all, pack it all away, make it look a certain way, and round, and you know, no flat areas, and where do they put all that stuff? Is there a secret pocket? I don't know. But they make it look different, and then it's not different. Movie tickets.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

Now, see I remember when we could go to the movies.

SPEAKER_04 30:09

No, I'm just kidding, not that long ago. You could go to the movies for 50 bucks, you and a and a person. And now it's a little more than that.

unknown 30:19

Uh depending on what you go to.

SPEAKER_04 30:21

Like you go to a nice movie and get, you know, popcorn, soda, candy for 50 bucks for two people. It'd probably be closer to 100 now. But if people stop going, you know what? I I don't want people to stop going for sure because I love the movie experience. I don't want to have to watch it all at my home. I want to be able to get out sometimes, and some movies just need to be watched in the movie theater. You know what I'm saying? They're just made for it.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Oh let's see, what else are we gonna talk about?

SPEAKER_04 31:00

Sports. Um the World Cup. Actually, man, I went to do a quick set last week. I think it was last week, and the World Cup, the US men's were on, and I got a phone call, so I couldn't stay, but I was dreading going up because nobody gave a fuck. And you you wouldn't got be on, it was a waste of time, really. It was just a hang for a bunch of buddies. Because, because, because every time anybody did anything on the World Cup, you know, I'd have just tried to time it. Like I'd have been watching the World Cup, and like when the US did a goal, I'd like act like I was jumped dropping a punchline and I'd put it online until I've got killed. It's only funny to me because people do shit like that. Oh, you think he's funny? So the World Cup is in the quarterfinal games, right? Y'all seen this big ass Norway dude? Looks like a Viking motherfucker. He's he's like a skinny Viking. You give that dude too much meat, and he turns into a fucking gremlin. Of course, Messi's still in. He's doing his thing. That boy, that boy good. That boy is good. Um, yeah, so I think it would be cool. It would probably be the best thing for television ratings if it was Norway versus uh Argentina. I don't even know if that's possible. Um, I'm not looking at my bracket, but that would be like the two guys who have kind of set themselves apart as far as being marketable. So England plays Norway. So hopefully Norway is actually an underdog. So I'm rooting for the Norwegians.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

I want the Norwegians, not the limeys.

SPEAKER_04 33:01

I got no problems with the limeys. Madison Square Garden reportedly kept a list of gay celebrities.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

What the fuck for? I don't understand.

SPEAKER_04 33:14

I'm sure it's fucking a clickbait, so I'm not clicking on it. It could be a maybe they wanted kept a list of them so they could put uh something nice for them, like a flower out or something. Netflix got a new movie out that's got 94% on, which don't mean nothing. 94% on Rotten Tomatoes sometimes means it's good, sometimes means it's shit. And you just gotta wait a little while and it'll come down. It's called Old Henry. It looks like a uh excuse me. It looks like it made a uh it's a it's a Western type deal. The movie made $77,463 worldwide as a small-scale independent film. So now they remade it into uh like a you know Netflix push of money. Some money. Ah, one of the people's names and it's Potsy Pinkerooney. Old Henry was written and directed by Patsy Punkerooney. Get it, get it, girl or boy. How do you know if that's a girl or boy? Potsy, huh?

unknown 34:35

Huh?

SPEAKER_04 34:37

I couldn't know. I was at a swim meet yesterday um in Baltimore, and there was this one child. It was a children's swim meet. There was this one child, it was an Indian child, not woo-woo, but dot. And I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, just because, and then when it got out of the pool, its mom ran over, and I was like waiting to hear the mom say good job and the name, you know what I'm saying? And she said Jordan. I was like, damn it!

SPEAKER_01 35:13

No help.

SPEAKER_04 35:16

I know lots of boys Jordans and girl Jordans, and they're all named after God, Michael Jordan, number 23.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

Never saw Jesus jump from the foul line.

SPEAKER_04 35:33

So, of course I'm kidding. There's a plane. Oh my god. Hope? You guys seen Hope? Quote, hope, unquote. So we gotta see this. It's a Korean movie, so it's gonna be weird, but it's probably gonna be awesome. Sci-fi action thriller. I like it. I like it, I like it. It's got this crazy metal-looking woman on it. Everybody have a good 4th of July. I did some uh did some comedy in North Carolina with my boy Jacob Manchu. I don't never, I always write, I see it written, but I don't, you know, whatever. It's like not, I don't say like, hi, Mr. I say, what's up, Jacob? So I don't know how to say his last name. Don't fucking find me. We had a good time, man. He's got a little common market, it's called the common market, and it's uh it's fun, it's fun. I got decent beer. It's inside, it was 108 degrees when I got out of my fucking car. I was like, holy Christ, you couldn't breathe. You cut the air with a butter knife. It was thick, thick. I made a wake. I was driving down the road and I looked in my rearview mirror and I could see a wake of humidity hitting people, knocking them over. Yeah, but he's gonna come out for the Baltimore Comedy Festival, which everybody be on the lookout for. I'm producing a show on my birthday, Friday, September 4th, the 9 o'clock show. I don't know where I'm gonna put it yet, but it's gonna be fucking amazing. Already got comics coming from Chicago. Uh Jacob's coming up from North Carolina. Um, I got a guy coming from Tennessee. Oh man, it's gonna it's just funny. People that I've I've met and ran into all over the country. You guys are in for a treat for that one. So as soon as the tickets go for sale, make you sure you get your shit for them. Baltimore Comedy Festival.com, Juice Beancomedy.com. I don't know why I just dropped a promo right in the middle of the goddamn podcast, but that was always on my fucking mind.

unknown 38:04

All right.

SPEAKER_04 38:07

Fucking bees are back, man. Killer bees. What the fuck? Like, we need something else to worry about. These Africanized killer bees. They just cover your body, and when they fly away, there's bones. Uh-huh. And the goddamn giant catfish there everywhere. These blue catfish somebody put in the waters? The waters of the Mid-Atlantic? The goddamn Chesapeake Bay, Sasquehanna River. They're everywhere, actually, all up and down the East Coast. You got these big ass catfish called blue catfish, and they just grow and grow and grow and eat and eat and eat. And they're monstrous, and they're eating the fishes. Suppose they're real fun. I caught them in uh South Carolina one time. They taste good too. That's the thing. Motherfuckers need to get on it. We need to open some catfish houses around here. Huh? Y'all be down for that? One in, we'll put one in Jersey. We'll put one in uh outside of Philly. We'll put one uh south of Pittsburgh. Put one out in Western Marlin, Western Marlin, like out by Frederick. Put one right in the middle of the Eastern Shore, like Delmarva, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia Peninsula. Put one right in the middle. Um on the Virginia side, we definitely gotta put one maybe Richmond.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

On down to Richmond! Richmond, north of Richmond.

SPEAKER_04 39:42

Um and then below that, they already have them, so we're fucked. Gigantic fucking fish, man. You can see videos of them fucking like trying to eat birds and shit. National French Friday. When is that? National French Friday. It's Friday, July 10th. Make sure you get your free French fries. Look at that. At um McDonald's and at Burger King. And Bobby Flay, Capriotis, Carl's Jr. Checkers, Del Taco. Why does Del Taco have French fries? Mexicans hate French people. I'm just kidding. Freddy's frozen custard. I've never heard of that one. Good times. I like good times. Hardy's uh Moxie's Penn Station, Red Robin, yum. Oh, they say that's year-round. We already fucking knew that. That's stupid. Uh Shake Shack. Oh, yeah. Free order of classic fries with any sandwich. Friday 26. Sheets, smash burger, wadaburger. Yeah, man. Everybody's fucking stepping up and giving away some French fries. I bet if they was plantains, you wouldn't give them away. What does that mean? Little spuds. Little spuds. Um I saw an electric uh F-150 pulling a boat the other day. I was like, damn. End up talking to the guy. He said it uh it does it fine, but it kills the fucking battery real quick. So hopefully they get that right. Fucking Taylor Stanberry won the fucking Python challenge. She's kind of attractive, got a tattoo arm, runs around catching snakes. She's an internet sensation. Kind of hot girl running around grabbing snakes. Snakes out of the bushes.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Oh no, there's a snake.

SPEAKER_04 42:14

You know what color she is. Wouldn't no God fairing black person be running around grabbing snakes on purpose. Taylor. Good good for you. Twelve surprising facts about semen, everyone should know.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

Let's see what they got to say about this.

SPEAKER_04 42:40

Health in a minute. Semen contains sperm and is ejaculated from the penis.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Here are some some fascinating facts about semen.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

Semen contains more than just sperm, it also has semicolon vitamins, sugar, sodium, fat, and hundreds of different proteins. I've been telling girls that for years. The average amount of ejaculate is about one teaspoon. Not in my loads. My loads at least have a tablespoon. Control yourself. Semen quality decreases. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Rewind. Rewind. It says it decreases. Did that say decreases with age? Oh man. That means my quality going down. I better get to drinking. Semen shouldn't smell bad. Alright. Semen facials are real.

SPEAKER_03 43:36

I told 'em, I told her, I told her, I told her. Let me put it on your face. It will make your skin better. She thought I was lying. Thought I was lying. I was telling the truth.

SPEAKER_04 43:54

Alright, here we go. Semen allergies are also real. Unfortunately. That sucks. Oh there you go. I told you all the facts you need to know about. Yeah, so evidently. The average amount of semen in a person ejaculates. What? The average amount of semen a person releases during ejaculation is about one to five millimeters. Does that mean your rope is about one to five millimeters long? My rope is way longer than that. Way longer than that. I think sometimes my semens have little wings like seahorses. And they can fly loosely through the air. Not loosely. Straightly, because they all stay together until they hit my neck or my fucking chest or enemy or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

And I'm like, oh, does it feel just disgusting? Why does it feel so gross? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 45:06

Guys, this has been fun. Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow in Baltimore. If not, I got a lot of shows coming up. Check it out. Joe Spring Comedy. S-P-A-I-N, just like the country. Oh, before I get out of here, let me do this, man. Let me give a piece and shout out to the countries that are listening in to the podcast. Man, there's a lot of people listening now. I like it. I like it, I like it. I like it, I like it. Thank you guys very much. In Washington, DC, Felton, Delaware. Libby Jabba, Libby Jabbah. I don't know where that is, but appreciate you. Frankfurt, Delaware, Marietta, Georgia, Lancaster, South Carolina, Lynchburg, Virginia, Dover, Delaware. Pennsylvania. Virginia. Virginia. Slovenia. We love it in Slovenia.

SPEAKER_00 46:07

I don't know where that is.

SPEAKER_04 46:09

I think it's Germany, Vietnam, Japan. I love Japan. You're Vietnamese. I don't like Vietnamese food too much, but hey man, it's probably better there. Singapore. Colombia. Ooh. Ola in Colombia. Kenya. Ashburn, Virginia. Frankfurt. Mamise. Nairobi County. Nairobi County. Nairobi.