Choose The Relationship You Want, Not Just The Person You Like

Looking for a roadmap to real connection without the burnout? We open up about our two very different returns to dating—one marked by deliberate healing and a long pause, the other by a quick dive into apps—and what those choices taught us about expectations, values, and compatibility. Then we’re joined by Jamie Anderson, a relationship coach and singles guru, who shares practical frameworks to move from confusion to clarity.

Jaimee walks us through her Conscious Dating approach: identifying your five core values, translating long “wishlists” into the meaning underneath, and designing a vision for the relationship you want rather than chasing a perfect person. We dig into the Rule of Three to evaluate new groups and early dates, the “trust jar” method to rebuild confidence with tangible evidence, and the difference between feeling a spark and choosing a sustainable match. We also explore why interest‑based events—Latin dancing, hiking, game nights, even bingo—can outperform endless swipes by creating low‑pressure spaces where social skills grow and shared interests surface naturally.

We don’t dunk on dating apps, but we do put them in their place: one line in the water. You’ll hear how to balance online tools with real‑world community, navigate midlife dating with non‑negotiables that actually matter, and use boundaries as self‑maintained guardrails instead of rules for others. Whether you’re newly single, rebuilding after divorce, or simply ready to date with intention, this conversation offers clear steps to shift from patterns to progress and from guessing to growth.

If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who’s back on the market, and leave a quick review—what’s your top value for a lasting relationship?

Transcript

Welcome & Why Mindset Matters

Jaimee Anderson 0:00

What we do is isn't necessarily finding out what or understanding what they want from a person. It's what they want from a relationship. Try something new. Know what it is that you what are your interests? What are your copies? What are the things that you enjoy doing?

Speaker 0:16

Your next favorite podcast pick starts now. Here's the Professor and Heather Anne.

Joe 0:23

Welcome to the Professor and Heather Anne. Although we don't have all the answers, we hope we can encourage and excite you. We're here sharing our lives to inspire you to make the most of the second half of your life. And today we are uh revisiting the topic of dating and forming relationships and maintaining relationships later in life. So can you describe your mindset, your expectations, your requirements as you so you you'd been separated, uh, your marriage was was being dissolved, and so what were you thinking of as you started looking toward finding finding a new partner?

Healing Before Dating

Heather Anne 1:11

Honestly, I wasn't ready for dating. I it wasn't even in my mind. I knew that I needed to work on myself first and heal from my marriage failing. So it took prompting from friends for almost two years to get out there, start dating, just go on a date. And I just did not want to do that yet. Because I think a lot of it had to do with I knew I needed healing for myself. I wanted to work on myself, I needed to figure out for myself why my marriage failed. I went into my marriage that this was going to be the rest of our lives. We had children. And I think I just needed to sit with myself for a while to figure out what what did I want to do? What was what would make me happy? I knew I needed to be happy with myself before I could be happy with somebody else. And what about you? You you dove into the dating pool very quickly.

Different Paths Back To Love

Joe 2:31

Very quickly, yes. Just a few months after my ex served me with papers. And I I in some ways I was optimistic. I thought I thought I'll I'll be able to I'll be able to find someone. I'm I'm an interesting person, I've led an interesting life, I'm uh you know financially self-sufficient. Uh but I didn't really, I didn't expect to find I didn't expect to find a soulmate. I didn't expect to find a relationship as deep as what we have.

Heather Anne 3:08

And we were just talking about this the other night, because we were talking about the episode coming up that we're recording. And it made me kind of sad. I don't know if we ever really completely dove into that. Why were you not expecting to find the love of your life or a soulmate?

Joe 3:29

I thought of myself as a rather quirky person who it's difficult to difficult to get to know. And whereas, so my ex and I um we we met in grad school, we both did the same kind of research, and it's a kind of research that's incompatible with almost anything else because it involves being in uh exotic countries out in the jungle for months or years at a time, following monkeys around. And so I think the two of us were we were very happy that we found each other because we were we could we could live this life together. Um, but um I thought after the after the divorce or after the divorce got proceedings got going, that that I expected to find someone who I could be compatible with and reasonably happy with, but I didn't expect that it would be someone who uh I could um reveal as much myself and be understood at the depth that you understand me.

Heather Anne 4:38

Well, that makes me happy that it's me. And we had no problems. Our first date, as most know, our first date was uh six hours long. And obviously, we found a lot to talk about in that six hours because we were our conversation never, we never had a lull in our conversation. We just went from one topic to another. But it also made me sad a little bit the other night. And I told you that it made me sad that you were going out into the dating world not expecting the fireworks and everything that you could find that person when for me it was the opposite. I did not want to jump in the dating pool until I had until I knew I was number one ready to accept that. But I was to the point where also if I didn't find that, then I was okay and I didn't have to continue dating. I was not going to waste my time on somebody that didn't meet those expectations of me.

Joe 5:49

So you were okay with being alone for the rest of your life.

Heather Anne 5:51

I actually was okay with that. I was fortunate enough that I dated a lot prior to getting married, um, quite a bit. That's a whole nother episode just in itself. But I was very fortunate and I had dated a wide range of men. So when I got married, we had been together for 28 years, married for 26. It just wasn't what I expected. I didn't expect our marriage to end. But I but we were going in different directions. There was no way for our marriage to continue. And so some of the things like we didn't have some interests we didn't have. Like I started having a lot of interests. I started doing speaking, and he didn't want to be a part of that. So that just kind of started putting a separation in our marriage. So I knew when I was looking for somebody that I wanted to have something more in common. We had to be able to have conversation. There was just, I had high expectations.

Joe 7:07

This might be a good segue to we'll come back to this. We have lots, we'll have lots more episodes.

Heather Anne 7:13

We have a lot about this.

Joe 7:14

But uh this is so thinking about this about people's um, first of all,

Expectations, Compatibility, And Values

Joe 7:20

people's um expectations as they get on to the onto the dating market, and also what people need to do for themselves to uh to prepare themselves for this. And this then marks our opportunity to.

Heather Anne 7:37

Well, before that, I would also like to say I'm seeing a difference because we get asked a lot of how we met and how we first how it was when we first started dating. And I'm finding a lot more women my age and older are being choosier, I guess is the best way to say it. They are not sure they want to date, they don't want to waste their time. I think part of it is just frustration. But I find do you think this is a question for you? Do you think men your age are willing to settle? I so I guess in a way you're saying that you were willing to.

Joe 8:18

That's that's what I'm saying. I don't know, I don't haven't known that many I haven't known very many men my age who've been in this situation of being divorced, divorced, or or widowed and having to not having to feeling like taking the steps to find a new partner. So I can't really, I can't really say from uh you might have to do some research.

Heather Anne 8:41

Yes. You need to do your research on that.

Introducing Coach Jamie Anderson

Heather Anne 8:43

But now we're we're going to go ahead and go into we have a guest today. We would like to uh welcome Jamiee Anderson, a relationship coach, singles guru. Jamiee will share her early sense of purpose, witnessing unhealthy relationships growing up. I know a lot about that, and how her pain evolved into purposeful ministry helping others. I really like that. Welcome, Jamiee. Thanks, guys.

Jaimee Anderson 9:16

Uh so yes, I that is me. Um I basically grew up here around um, I won't say Kuwaita, but not too far from here. Uh moved here from LA and um have been married for four and a half years now. We have a blended family of seven kids and soon to be 11 grandkids. And um he is my number one fan, and and the reason why I'm able to do what I do. Um, and because I knew that I was gonna be doing this a long time ago, but didn't have the knowledge support, or listen, nobody should be receiving relationship advice from somebody who has isn't a dumpster fire of a relationship herself. I like so it took my own, my own journey of of healing and realizations to get to this point.

Heather Anne 10:13

So you said you've known for a long time you wanted to do this.

Jaimee Anderson 10:17

I did. Uh probably 10, 11 years

Purpose, Training, And Coaching Focus

Jaimee Anderson 10:20

old, I knew that I was going to be a relationship coach. Uh, I didn't know the term relationship coach at that time. Um, whenever I would go to my dad's work parties, I would sit with women and wives of the group instead of playing with the other kids, and I would just sit there and listen to them and their stories and and what they were going through. Um, and I that I enjoyed it. And there was one time where a new uh wife or woman uh came to sit at the table and like, does she need to leave? And they're like, nope, she's fine. I've I had gained trust from them that I was just gonna sit there and I was gonna listen and and not say anything about. I mean, I was young, I didn't have the right to tell them as adults.

Heather Anne 11:04

And how long have you been a relationship coach now?

Jaimee Anderson 11:07

Uh I'm going into my fifth year, going into my fifth year of being a relationship coach. Um, I had the school that I was picked that uh I wanted to go to picked out for uh at least 10 years before I actually went. And um it's been it's been a journey ever since.

Joe 11:26

So is relationship coach like a subtype of life coach?

Jaimee Anderson 11:33

Yes, but I only focus on the relationship you have with yourself and others.

Heather Anne 11:40

So explain to us a little bit what a relationship coach is.

Jaimee Anderson 11:44

Um so a relationship coach is somebody who helps you um find yourself after divorce, after um generational cycles where you don't even know what a healthy relationship looks like. Um it is somebody who helps you

Conscious Dating Program & Core Values

Jaimee Anderson 12:04

um create practical steps of understanding uh after understanding your vulnerable areas of where you may fall into unhealthy cycles and patterns to be aware of what that looks like, sounds like, feels like, and then make a plan going forward to make sure that you're steering away from that and going to the positive of it to where you're able to be in a place to receive healthy love and not the chaos.

Joe 12:36

So do you use certain what should I say, like lessons or um exercises? That's the word I wanted. Yeah. Um so give us an example.

Jaimee Anderson 12:48

Um, so my conscious dating program is my signature program. It's 12 weeks long and is an exercise-based program. Every week they have um a different exercise to complete that we will go over the next week. And it just gives them a chance to um be intentional and purposeful with their time of how they're um being intimate and knowing themselves on a on a level they probably haven't had an opportunity to be uh with themselves at any point in their life. Um so knowing my my favorite one is um find knowing your top five values. I mean, you probably have a list much longer than five, but knowing what the five are um is really important to where you aren't losing yourself whenever you get into another relationship. You're able to live these things out on a day-to-day basis or sometimes we if but a regular consistent basis. And um, and then also knowing shared values to where you know the foundation of what things are being built on, need to be built on in order for it to sustain.

Non‑Negotiables And Meaning Behind Lists

Heather Anne 14:04

So that's basically what happened with my first marriage. I feel like I lost myself, and then the kids were getting older. I needed to start deciding what I needed to do next with my life. The kids were going to be moving out of the house soon, going off onto their lives. And I feel like that's where the discord happened in my previous marriage is that we were just now heading down two different paths. And I knew one of the reasons why I waited before I decided I was going to start dating, was that very reason. I knew I needed to sit with myself for a little while and find out what I really wanted, what really was important, and what I was not willing to negotiate on anymore. Um, do you find women, so I'm in my late 50s, do you find women my age are paying more attention to that as they're getting older?

Jaimee Anderson 15:12

Absolutely. I mean, women in general, I'm even um, so I the majority of my clients, the the people who attend events, the the singles community group that I lead is is primarily in their mid uh 30s to late 40s. Um so and I do have some that are outside of that, and I'm seeing that sort of intentionality across the board. Um, but what they sh the initial struggle is they know what they don't want. They struggle to know what they do want.

Heather Anne 15:44

I find that interesting. Okay. So when the best advice I got even before I started dating and even really started thinking about it, was probably six, eight months before I jumped on those dating apps, I wrote a list of somebody told me to write down a list of five non-negotiables and a partner that I wanted. And I did that, and I completely forgot about it afterwards. Um and then um I I think I had that in my mind though. I was very thankful that I sat down and and broke those out. So that's similar to what you're having your clients do, is yeah, absolutely.

Jaimee Anderson 16:36

Uh, and and probably a bigger part of that is narrowing down lists. I mean, people

Events Over Apps: Building Community

Jaimee Anderson 16:40

will bring lists of 25, 30 things, right? And we're like, ooh, we don't need that long of a list. Um, and really finding out what are the actual requirements or what are what is it that in their list, what is the actual meaning of it, right?

Heather Anne 16:58

So you're just not writing stuff down. What is the purpose behind that?

Jaimee Anderson 17:03

Yeah, because somebody who puts mows the lawn, they're not looking for somebody who actually mows the lawn. What is the deeper meaning of that? They're wanting somebody who contributes to the household. They're wanting somebody who shares chores, whatever the case may be. But it's so that we can probably take five or six of them off the list because we understood the actual meaning of what they meant by that.

Heather Anne 17:29

Full disclosure, my list was 50. And I found it six months before we were getting married, and he checked all but two. There we go. So I'm just I'm just putting that out there. But I understand it's it's overwhelming. And I and I was precise on him, and there was multiple that seemed to be exactly the same thing. So that helped me narrow in of so this is like you said, I want somebody that's going to contribute to the household, and we're building this house together, we're taking care of it together.

Jaimee Anderson 18:03

And the I mean, the biggest kind of switch to that, or just a different point of view or perception of it, is what we do is isn't necessarily finding out what or understanding what they want from a person. It's it's what they want from a relationship. So where you're able to have like this view of can I see life with this person? Like you're not asking for perfection or somebody to bring qualities that you're not bringing yourself. You're you're wanting this to look a certain way for your relationship to look a certain way for you to see it as sustainable.

Heather Anne 18:35

100%. Yeah. I I agree with that. And I I believe that's really what my list was. Um, so tell us some other things that you help your clients with. You do singles events?

Jaimee Anderson 18:48

I do. So um for the first uh two years of my business was solely one-on-one coaching. And um I had seen, of course, um my social media feeds, you know, of singles in the area who were tired of the dating scene. And and I just couldn't understand because I meet so many amazing singles here in Tulsa. And I'm like, why aren't y'all crossing paths? So I was like, I can fix this. Um, and that's whenever God put it on my heart that I just needed to create opportunities and he was going to work the rest. And so that's whenever I started um my my first singles event was in August of 2023. I'm sorry, 2024. And um actually here out in Kuena at Salt and Soul, and it was my mix and mingle, and um it was it was a great turnout. It was almost a uh it was there was actually more women, more men than women who showed up to that event. Not by much, but I was really proud of the men for showing up um because that's that was the thing. That women felt that men don't show up. And I'm just like, I'm telling you, there are great people out here. Um, so I decided from there that I was going to create um events where people could cross paths with others that they wouldn't normally have the chance to do so. Um, people who were investing time, money, and energy, um, which they weren't getting on things like dating apps.

Joe 20:25

She looks at us as we say dating apps. So, yes, I I would like I'd like to hear your opinion.

Dating Apps: Pros, Cons, And Mindset

Joe 20:32

And I'm it's probably not something you can summarize in just a few sentences, but your opinion about dating apps in general, because I I have been seeing in various media um articles and blog posts and so forth, just you know, just bashing them, saying, you know, all they do is encourage people to judge one another on purely superficial characteristics. Um and um they're just just a horror show and stay away from them and you should try to meet people the old-fashioned way in person. So, so um, so of course, Heather and I met on an app of so I I'd like to hear your thoughts about that.

Jaimee Anderson 21:12

Uh I think that dating apps are great, um, but I don't think that it should be your sole way of meeting people. I think that you should have other lines in the water of going out and meeting people. And if if it's that you why why are you on the dating apps? Why is it that you are only on dating apps meeting somebody? Is it because you is it out of fear of wasting time or energy on people who aren't worth it? Um, is it because you just don't have the time and space to get out and and meet people um at actual events? The why behind it is probably more of it. And um with dating apps, listen, you gotta have a thick skin for dating apps.

Joe 21:56

Yes.

Jaimee Anderson 21:57

You you gotta have a good mind, a good strong mindset for sure.

Heather Anne 22:01

You do. I I think my purpose of the dating app was because with my primary business, I'm networking all the time. There's people, you know, but there I didn't want to be in that pool. I wanted to be someplace else, meet some different men that I normally would not come into uh meet with my in my everyday life. So that was one of the reasons why I got on the app. And again, I was just diving in, so I thought, okay, we'll just try it this way and see what happens. Yeah.

Joe 22:36

And uh so uh now I've I've I've told a story on previous episodes, but uh this this app J date, so it's it's uh um dating app for for Jews, and uh when I moved to Oklahoma and uh reset my address on the app and discovered, I mean, of course I knew this, but there are very few Jews in Oklahoma. And so there were a total of about 10 women um that met the criteria that I set. And most of those, I could tell I didn't meet their criteria, and I was about to just give up entirely. Uh um the app seemed like a complete waste of time

Interest‑Based Events And Social Skills

Joe 23:12

and money. And that's when Heather happened to um to join.

Heather Anne 23:16

But you were on a few other apps prior to that.

Joe 23:20

I yeah, I tried uh eHarmony. None of the women that I messaged on eHarmony ever replied. Um, okay. But what what I something I want to ask you is because I've heard that I've heard it said this way, there's like two different kinds of you might say, mismatch. There's one where a person, two people seem very compatible if you just look at like their profiles, the lists of things that they say that they want and and that the and the attributes that they themselves have. And so you just look at those lists, you say, oh yeah, this these people would be a good match. But then they they meet face to face and discover there's just there's no spark, there's nothing there. But then there's the other kind of mismatch where there is a spark, there's a lot of physical attraction, but you know, in the long term, these people they're not they're not compatible, they're gonna have clashing values, for example, and they're not gonna be able to stay together. So I guess like these single these gatherings that you organize, you know, so they're well tell us. Tell us based on what I've just said.

Jaimee Anderson 24:26

So um, because I host different kinds of events, I do Latin dancing, I do, I do only I only do one speed dating event a year. Uh the rest of them are casual, just let's have fun. Like no expectations, just get out here, work on social skills, meet new people, maybe some friendships may come out of it because people need friends and community for sure. Uh, community is lacking in the singles community. Um, so because I do dance nights and game night and hiking and all these different types of things. Bingo. Bingo's bingo's popular. Um, people are just people who that interest coming up is a uh Christmas light tour. Um, people who have interest in those types of things, they are like, oh, okay, I'm gonna try this. I've had people who have sat in the background for two years just waiting, and they're like talking like talking themselves in and out of going or not going until they finally just all right, I'm doing it, which I think is fantastic because it's all about them um jumping in whenever they are ready and taking that experience.

Heather Anne 25:46

And then because you have different venues and different things, then it's safe to say at least you're going to have something in common with the person that you might meet at

The Rule Of Three Explained

Heather Anne 26:00

bingo or Latin dancing, because they're there, they're putting themselves out.

Jaimee Anderson 26:07

So, what a great opportunity to kind of open that door and have more conversation to see what absolutely, absolutely, and and the the laughter and just like the the walls that get let down just from being surrounded by people who are also nervous and stepping out of their comfort zone to try something new for the purpose of growth. Um, and you could just kind of find comfort in that, even though you're a ball of nerves.

Heather Anne 26:36

So, in the good old days, we had to go out and meet people or have people introduce us, go to functions, different things like that. And now we're in a society that more people work from home. So they're not in an office with the opportunity to meet people, then could be introduced to other people. How do you feel like that's changed the shifting for dating for most people? Is you know, working from home, social media, we just don't seem to be going out as much and and participating in events as we used to.

Jaimee Anderson 27:14

Yeah, absolutely. And and that is that is the reason why it was it was put on my heart to do this. While it was something that people want, they they wanted people, they wanted to meet others uh in in a in an organic way. Um and creating these events and uh singles community group and things like that where people are able to come and um at at different times or days of the week to accommodate those things. Um people are able to work on their social skills because they've been behind social media for so long or at home and not with having that adult interaction. Um people come just for that. They may not be ready to date, and that's perfectly fine. They don't need to be ready to date for the singles events, it's just

Rebuilding Trust And The Trust Jar

Jaimee Anderson 28:10

there to get you out there to learn more about yourself.

Joe 28:17

I saw this astonishing statistic that among American young men, like men younger than 25, like more than half of them have never asked a woman for a date in in person. They may have they may have tried to contact women on on the apps, but in that right, that's mind-blowing, isn't it?

Jaimee Anderson 28:37

Yeah, for sure. And that's I mean, that's I'll be honest, it's it's not really happening at at the events either. Um, if somebody will reach out to me and be like, hey, I really enjoyed this conversation that I was having with this person. Do you think they would be up for going out for coffee or something? And they use me as kind of like a knowing of whether that's what they were there for or not. Um, and then I will reach out and ask, hey, is this something that you because that's not what they're really intended for. But people will shoot their shot and and uh based on the interaction that they had. And there's there's been some great connections, even a marriage that has happened um from one of the events, which is pretty awesome. It's really awesome.

Heather Anne 29:24

I like to hear that. Um so looking through our notes and everything, what is this rule of three?

Jaimee Anderson 29:33

So the rule of three, you can use the rule of three with anything within dating. Uh that's what I use it for. But the rule of three is whenever you go to try something, go three times. If you're gonna try a new interest-based group, go to the group three times before you choose whether that's the group for you or not. Um, if you are gonna go out on a date with somebody, go out on a date with them, commit to going out on a date with them three times before you decide they are for you or not. And I don't mean that you guys are completely off on really important things, like you want kids and they do not. Like, we're not gonna waste three dates on that person, right? But giving somebody an opportunity to come to to just kind of ease more into the conversation, be able to have a little bit more camaraderie, you know, during that second or third day that you wouldn't have seen the first date because they were nervous, they didn't know how they hadn't been doing this, right? So the rule of three try something three times before you make a decision on it.

Heather Anne 30:41

I like that. That's a good rule. And and you can implement that in other areas of your life as well. So I really like that. Um what are some more tips that we haven't gone over? What tips do you have for listeners, sing or single listeners, especially for it? Doesn't matter what age you are. I I do feel like just because more women are talking to me, I'm just one of those people that I could be standing in the line and somebody likes to tell me their whole life story. But one of the things that I'm hearing more and more is

Intentional Communication And Patterns

Heather Anne 31:20

that women are just kind of giving up and not wanting to put themselves out there.

Jaimee Anderson 31:28

Yeah, absolutely. And there's there's a complete lack of trust. And what a lot of people don't understand and know is that whenever trust has been broken within a relationship, and that could be a friendship or a romantic relationship, it can only be regained built back within a relationship. Not saying that it has to be a romantic relationship, it can also be a friendship that it's built back. Um, which and I was gonna bring um one of the trust jars I made, but it fell off my seat while uh driving here and it's in a hundred pieces on my car floor.

Heather Anne 32:01

But no, it'll be fine. What is a trust jar, real quick?

Jaimee Anderson 32:06

So a trust trust jar is something I've um um put together for my clients um who struggle with um maybe creating um boundaries for themselves. Let's boundaries are for you, rules are for other people. So whenever you create boundaries for somebody, they're for you to maintain, not for other people to maintain. Um and so these trust jars are great for the practical and the emotional people. Um, it's a mason jar and it has, you know, it could be marbles, it could be those little gem things or stones or whatever. And the person that you are wanting to build trust with, whenever they do something or show up in a certain way or say something something to you that shows

Coaching Singles And Couples

Jaimee Anderson 33:00

that they had listened to you, whatever the case may be, you put a stone in the jar for that person. And as you are dating them and they do things and show up for you in a certain way that shows trust or um understanding, you continue to put a stone in the jar. Whenever the jar fills up, it becomes like this representation of how somebody has shown up for you in a positive way that maybe some previously hadn't.

Heather Anne 33:38

But it's mainly for yourself. That you're that you're recognizing that they're showing up for you. Yes. So it's a visu a visualization, excuse me. Let's say that again. A visualization to see, to me, it would seem like I'm trusting myself, I'm trusting this person, and they're showing me that they're showing up.

Jaimee Anderson 34:04

Right. Where you are not committing yourself or um giving your heart to somebody who hasn't earned it yet. You know, a lot of times people are investing um time, energy, and their body into somebody who hasn't earned the right to any of that. Um, and they commit to them and they don't take time and they repeat those unhealthy patterns of jumping into something too quickly. Um and the trust jar allows not only for the time for for them to be like, okay, this person is trustworthy. This person is showing up for me. They have they're I'm sure they're showing me that they that they are earning um, you know, my heart in a way. Um and it works great for couples too, who have maybe had broken trust and they're needing to rebuild. Rebuild it.

Heather Anne 35:03

I like that. That's a really great visualization. And we did. We had a lot of discussions. Um, we kind of needed to navigate

Practical Tips And How To Connect

Heather Anne 35:15

that through ourselves, navigate through that ourselves. That when one of us would react to something, we would stop and go, is this something we're dealing with now, or is this something that happened previous in our previous relationships that we're bringing into this relationship? That's good. We were very conscious, very intentional, not bringing in our old baggage, leaving that at the door and working on our uh relationship one-on-one with each other, which is very hard. We're older, we have lots of things, things from our parents, things from previous relationships.

Joe 35:56

And so, yeah, there are these sort of response patterns or little scripts, you know, that you've picked up picked up in the course of you know many decades, and it's difficult to sort of get past them and uh react in a different and a more constructive way.

Heather Anne 36:16

And being open and honest about feelings and the different things that we were going through.

Joe 36:26

But okay, so then you but you don't Am I right that you don't counsel couples? I do. Oh, you do?

Jaimee Anderson 36:35

I do. So um I had always referred to myself as a relationship coach, and and somebody was like, but it sounds like you only do couples. So that's where singles go and singles guru came about because I I do both. Um I am primarily, I do coach primarily singles, just because that's where I feel successful in sustaining marriages start. Um, and that's where improving the success rate of marriage starts for me.

Heather Anne 37:07

Um But that's good to hear that you do uh couples because we went to somebody similar that what you do. When we decided, okay, are we going to get engaged? Are we getting married? Are we continuing with this relationship? We went and did some counseling and stuff in regards to that. And that worked out great for us. And it was really nice to kind of not just feel that we were compatible, but to actually have conversation about everyday life things, see on paper. There were several different tests that we had to take to see on paper that we were compatible. But it I I feel like, and I highly recommend, and I and couples that are new and older and in new relationships like we were. Find some type of counseling. I highly recommend it. It does not have to be spiritual, it does not have to be a marriage counselor, but find something somebody like you that can help them navigate that to make sure that they're starting on a solid foundation, they've got the skills in case something happens, which it always does because life, because we never thought we would be here three years later.

Joe 38:31

Um so yeah, communication skills, um like ways of ways of disagreeing, ways of resolving disagreements, or sometimes just deciding that you just disagree that are you know constructive, um, that build a relationship rather than you know degrade it.

Heather Anne 38:49

So, what are some what are some tips that you have for people in the Tulsa area for dating and your how can they find out about your advance and yeah, absolutely.

Jaimee Anderson 39:00

Um tips for getting out there. Try something new. Know what it is that you what are your interests, what are your hobbies, what are the things that you enjoy doing? Use internet for the good. There are so many opportunities for you to get out there. I mean, for my the singles community group that I lead, I have people who have Googled Christian small groups near me because they don't have anything in their own church. Like they're using the internet for the good, right? People who drive from Bartlesville in Cleveland. I've had somebody who drove from Yukon to go to an event. Like, use the internet for good to get out there and try something new. And you may cross paths with some amazing people. You may find some some friendships that you are are gonna be there for life, um, if if nothing else, right? If going out there and and just enjoying having a few laughs, getting out of your routine for a little bit.

Wrap‑Up And Listener Invitation

Jaimee Anderson 40:00

um and just in enjoying the evening. You can find me on Facebook at Jamiee Anderson or Tulsa's Relationship Coach and Singles Guru and also on Eventbrite. Regardless if my event is um free or paid for or paid through through through the uh the venue, um my events are always on Eventbrite to make sure that people who aren't even on social media they have the opportunity to find something um to participate in.

Joe 40:32

All right well thank you so much for joining us Jamiee is there any any one last thing you want to say before we wrap up no this was great.

Jaimee Anderson 40:39

Thank you for having me.

Heather Anne 40:41

Thank you very much. Um this episode was all about dating and getting out there and dating and we were very fortunate to have Jamiee Anderson a relationship coach and singles guru on our episode today. Thank you very much for coming we get asked a lot about how we met dating getting married um when we're meeting new people when I put something out there on social media so I'm very glad that we were able to bring on a um professional to talk about dating and getting out there and it's really just putting yourself out there.

Joe 41:28

It's very difficult for some people to to do so easier said than done.

Heather Anne 41:34

Easier said than done but I'm hoping that we can inspire um some seagulls to attend some local events get out of their comfort zone go to some new events and um just give it a try.

Joe 41:49

You just never know I didn't know and look and here we are over three years later folks if you enjoy our podcast and we hope that you do we ask you to please subscribe and to please rate us write a review on whatever whatever platform you get your podcasts.

Heather Anne 42:13

So we hope you enjoyed this episode in which we talked about dating at any age healthy relationships boundaries and how to find love again we have so many exciting discussions coming up including guests and we can't wait to have you along for new episodes. So join us here each week my friend where you're sure to get a smile from lessons learned to mishaps the adventures go on for miles here on the Professor and Heather Anne Thank you for listening to The Professor and Heather Anne