Indecision Is a Choice And It's Costing You More Than You Think

Episode 22: We tend to think about indecision as something neutral. A pause before the real thing begins. But what if it isn't neutral at all? In this episode, Career Change Coach Dana Stevens makes the case that indecision is an active choice, with real and ongoing costs. If you have been sitting on a career decision for months or years, wondering why you can't seem to move forward, this episode will change how you see where you are. Part Two next week explores the specific patterns we use to justify waiting, and what is really driving them.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why indecision is not neutral, and what it is actually doing in your life
• The hidden emotional, confidence and time costs of staying in the middle
• Why we are much better at calculating the risk of acting than the risk of not acting
• Why certainty comes after the decision, not before it
• A practical reframe to help you see your own indecision more clearly
• What a powerful first decision actually looks like, even when you don't have everything figured out

Listen next week for part 2.

Book a free Coaching Consultation:

https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

Connect with Dana:

Website: https://www.danastevens.com/workwithme
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dana_stevens_coach/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danastevens1/

If this episode resonated, follow The Career Change Studio and share it with someone who’s feeling stuck in their career.

And if you’re ready to design a working life that truly fits your needs and lifestyle, book a free consultation call at https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

Special thanks to @Lou_Greenaway_Music for the piano composition and performance.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Hello, how are you today? I'm gonna start with something a little bit different in this episode because this is gonna be part one of a two-part series. And the reason I've split this into two episodes is because this topic is something I come across every single day in my work, and I think it deserves more than I can give it in one episode. And I like to keep the episode short so you can listen on a walk or your commute or whatever. So today we're going to talk about indecision. Specifically, this idea that when we can't make a decision, when we're sitting in the middle of something, not moving forward, not going back, we tend to experience that as though we're simply waiting. Like we're in some neutral holding position, not doing anything, just pausing. But I want to challenge that idea today because I don't think indecision is neutral. I actually think indecision is a choice. And I think it's costing you far more than you realize. Then in next week's episode of the podcast, in part two, we're going to go a level deeper and look at one of the most common reasons that people stay in indecision. The idea that the timing just isn't right yet. That you'll do it when things settle down, when life calms down, work gets less busy, or when you've sorted a few things out, or when you feel more ready. Because that pattern is its own thing, and I think it deserves its own conversation. But today, let's start here. Let's start with the cost of staying stuck in indecision. And I want to begin with a question. I want you to really think about it. Okay, so what are you currently not deciding? I'm going to repeat that, right? What are you currently not deciding? Not what are you thinking about, not what's on your mind. What are you specifically not making a decision about right now? For most of the women I work with, the answer is some version of what to do with my career, whether to stay, whether to go, whether to change direction entirely, or whether to try and make it work where I am, whether now is the right moment or whether it would be better to wait. And that not deciding often goes on for weeks, months, sometimes years. Now here's what I want to offer you. When we're in that place, we tend to experience it as inaction, a lack, an absence of action. As if we're simply not doing anything yet, as if the decision clock hasn't started because we haven't made a move. But that's not actually what is happening because every single day that you don't decide, you're waking up in the same life, the same circumstances, the same job, with the same feelings, doing the same things. Your life is actually not paused while you think about it. It might feel that way, but it actually is continuing. Time is passing, just without the change you know that you need. Indecision is not a lack of a choice. It is the choice to keep everything exactly as it is. That is a really important distinction. Because when we frame not deciding as something neutral, we sort of give it a kind of permission that it doesn't really deserve. We tell ourselves we're being responsible, careful even, congratulate ourselves for not rushing into anything. And while some of that might be true, we are also quietly choosing every single day to stay exactly where we are. So let's talk about the impact of that because I think we dramatically underestimate it. The most obvious cost is time, because every month you spend not deciding is a month you're not moving forward, not taking steps towards the life you actually want. And time, once spent, is the one thing you cannot get back. But one of the costs that I think is even more significant and probably much harder to see straight away is the emotional cost, the weight of carrying around this unresolved thing. Because here's what I noticed with my clients, and what I certainly felt myself when I was thinking about changing careers, the indecision itself, quite apart from whatever you're undecided about, that takes up an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy. It's like, it's kind of like it's always there, right? This um, I like to describe it as like this constant hum in the background. That's certainly what it felt like for me. The thing that's always there, like underneath everything else, the thing that stops you being fully present with your family or friends, it's almost like an open tab in your brain, right? That's always trying to process things. It's like a thought surfacing in any quiet moment that you've got, or or sometimes in the middle of the night, like 3 a.m., you might wake up thinking about it, or when you see someone else doing something that makes you wonder what you're doing with your work or your life, right? And frankly, it's exhausting. It can feel so heavy to carry around this unresolved thing. And the longer you carry it, the heavier it gets. And there's also a confidence cost. The longer you sit in indecision, the more you start to internalize it and tell yourself that it's evidence that you're incapable of deciding. And that's something I've talked about here on the podcast before, but our indecision reinforces our identity as someone who's not good at making decisions, rubbish at deciding. And then you start to believe that it defines you, it's something that's part of you, that you're just someone who goes around in circles, that other people seem to know what they want, and you just don't, right? That story becomes part of how you see yourself, and that is a much harder thing to undo than a decision that simply needs to be made. So the cost of not deciding is not nothing, right? It's time, energy, headspace, confidence, and the daily experience of your life that isn't changing, even though you know it needs to. So if indecision is a choice with real costs, why do we keep making it? Why don't we just decide? Well, the honest answer is that deciding often feels scarier than not deciding. When we make a decision, we feel like we become responsible for it. If it goes wrong, we feel like that's on us. We picked the wrong thing. We should have thought harder or waited longer or chosen differently. Whereas if we stay in the middle, if you haven't committed to anything yet, nothing can technically go wrong yet because you haven't even started. You're still in the planning phase, the thinking phase, the working it out phase, and that will always feel safer. But the thing is for most of us, that is actually a thought error. Because it only makes sense if you assume that staying put is the safe option, but it really is. Not deciding is not the safer option. It's just a different kind of risk. The risk of remaining in a working life that is not right for you. The risk of another year and then another going by without change. The risk of looking back and wishing you had started sooner. The risk of all those feelings that you're having at the moment getting worse. And sometimes for people I work with, that's translated into very real mental health challenges, anxiety, depression, insomnia. And our brains are actually quite good at calculating the risk of acting, acting on something, right? But it's less good at calculating the risk of not acting. But both are real, both have outcomes. The difference is just that one of them feels more invisible until it isn't. There's also something else I want to highlight here, and this is something that comes up a lot in my coaching. Sometimes we stay in indecision because we're waiting for certainty, waiting to feel absolutely sure before we commit. And while that is completely understandable, certainty is almost never available to you in advance. Because it comes after the decision, not before it. The certainty comes after the decision, not before it. So you might be thinking, okay, Donna, but what do I do with all that? I resonate with a lot of it, but I want to offer you a reframe. Instead of asking yourself, Am I ready to decide? I want you to try this. I want you to try asking yourself instead, what is my indecision actually costing me right now? Get specific about it. Not in a judgy way, right? This isn't about punishing yourself, making yourself feel bad, blame game, any of that. It's about awareness, it's about getting honest. What has the last six months of not deciding cost you in terms of time, energy, headspace, mood, confidence? What would the next six months of more of the same cost you? Because once you can actually see that cost clearly, the decision stops looking like the risky thing and actually starts looking like the relief, the thing that ends the emotional drain rather than adding to it. And also, I want to add here that deciding does not mean you have to have it all figured out. It does not mean knowing exactly what job you're moving into or having a five-year plan fully formed. It can simply mean deciding that the current situation is no longer workable, acceptable, good for you. Right? That you're gonna take this seriously and get proper support and stop going around in circles alone. That is a decision. And it's a very powerful one. You do not need to know the whole path to take the first step. You just need to decide that you are gonna be someone who is gonna move forwards. Right? You want to be someone that moves forwards. And making one decision will lead you to another and another and another. Right? Because changing careers is a series of smaller decisions, not this one big decision that everyone seems to think it is. It's actually a series of smaller decisions. So you just need to decide that you want to start by being a person who is moving forwards. So, in summary, I just want to end by saying indecision is not a pause, it's actually a choice. A choice with real and ongoing costs that are easy to kind of underestimate and not think about too much too consciously because they seem invisible, and yet the discomfort of deciding is almost always smaller than the ongoing cost of not deciding. And certainty is something that comes from making a decision, not something you wait for before you make it. So I hope you're going to join me next week for part two because then we're going to talk about something that sits right underneath a lot of indecision. This really convincing kind of rational voice that says, now just isn't the right time, right? That you'll do this when things settle down, when work calms down a bit, when life is less hectic, when you feel more ready. It's a really common pattern that I see, and I think it deserves its own episode because the reasons we give ourselves for waiting usually feel like very good ones, but they just aren't quite what they appear to be. So more on that next week. And if you're sitting in your own version of indecision right now and you're ready to stop going around in circles, the link to Book a Free Consultation with me is in the show notes. Okay, come and have a conversation. That is a decision. And I will take it from there. Thank you so much for listening this week. I hope you have a good one. Bye for now.