When Doing More Still Doesn't Feel Like Enough

Episode 22: When Doing More Still Doesn't Feel Like Enough

Ever feel like you’re doing things all day… and your list still isn’t done?

In this guest episode, Candace sits down with Andrea to talk about what it actually looks like to live with a constantly growing to-do list, especially when your brain tends to think ahead, get pulled in different directions, and hold onto everything at once.

From chaotic planning and never-ending lists to the pressure we put on ourselves to “get it all done,” this conversation gently unpacks what’s really going on beneath the surface.

You’ll hear how Andrea is learning to shift from doing more to choosing what actually matters, so her life can feel a little more calm and a lot more sustainable.

• Why your to-do list keeps growing (even when you’re productive)
 • What’s happening when everything feels urgent
 • How ADHD or a busy, fast-moving brain can make it harder to finish what you start
 • A simple question that helps you decide what actually matters
 • How to let some things go without spiraling into guilt

Want to share your do-over moment? Email team@thesteadystateco.com or send a quick voice memo.

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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to provide mental health treatment, therapy, or professional advice. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are in need of mental health support, please reach out to a qualified professional in your area or contact your local crisis line.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:59

If you've ever felt like that, like you're doing a whole lot, but not getting the relief of being done. Today's episode is going to hit. Because I'm talking with my good friend Andrea, who describes herself as a chaotic planner. And honestly, I think a lot of us are going to relate to that more than we want to eventually. We're getting into what happens when your brain lives in the future. Your list keeps growing, and finishing something feels way harder than starting it. And more importantly, what to actually do with it? Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

The BusyBrain Do-Over from Steady State Co. is your space to recover, reset, and restart. Proud of how you show up again. Because you're not the problem, and you're not alone. Here, you'll find real tools and honest conversations to help you feel capable, steady, and like yourself again. Here's your host, Candace David, a fellow busy brain who believes life doesn't have to run perfectly to run well.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Andrea, thank you for being on the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Absolutely. I would love to hear from you what does your life look like and a little bit about who you are.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

My name is Andrea. I am a wife, a speech language pathologist and supervisor, and I have a little chihuahua.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

How old is Valo? He's five. Five. Okay, and your wife, so how long have you been married?

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Three, oh my gosh, going on three years.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

So it's just you and the husband, and then little Valow. And then you're an SLP. So, and then a supervisor, which means that you have not just responsibilities with clients at work, but you are also responsible for other SLPs.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Right. Yes, other people that are either finishing up their degree and they'll be working under supervision, or people that have their bachelor's and need to work under my license and supervision.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Okay. So as a wife and dog mom, as an SLP and an SLP supervisor, when you think of the things you have to get done on like a weekly basis, how do you tend to think about it? Walk me through that.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Honestly, I'm really good at looking ahead, which can be a strength and a weakness, because if I look too far ahead, I get too overwhelmed because it looks like a giant list of never-ending things. So I feel like that's when I tend to get overwhelmed. So I try to break it up into daily to-dos, but I do tend to add more than I can handle, I think, on the day-to-day.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Yeah. Okay. So whenever you think of all the things you have to get done, you aim for looking at things a day at a time.

unknown 4:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And then kind of naturally you can see you've or you do see further into the future. Yes. One big list.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

So on my daily to-do list, I have like my home stuff, and then I have like work list. Unfortunately, at times I feel like I do prioritize work more than the home stuff, but that's just something I'm still trying to navigate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Is that just you think like temperament?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Yeah, probably like this needs to get done, you know, there's other people that depend on me. I gotta make sure it gets done, versus at home, you know, nobody else is gonna know if it didn't get done except me and my husband.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Yeah, right. And he can take care of himself. He's capable. Yes. So you are, would you consider yourself to be kind of a future or forward-thinking person?

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I I remember once how at work they had us do like a strength assessment or whatever. My number one strength was futuristic. Right. Like being able to look ahead and problem solve for things in the future or think about what things could be like or you know, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

People who tend to look in the future tend to, in theory, it seems like they make really excellent planners because you're spending a lot more time in the future.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

But then I spent a lot of time in my head as well.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Yeah. So would you consider yourself to be someone who's an excellent planner?

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Yes, chaotic planner.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Chaotic planner.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Okay. I haven't heard that one.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

In the sense of like, I just tend to do a lot. Like, I don't know. It's like I I want to get things done, I think about a million things, and then I start a little bit here, a little bit there, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Yeah, so you have like a whole lot of like goals or something like that, and you're working on like a bunch of them at the same time and doing like a little bit, a little bit, a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

And that feels chaotic to you.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yeah. What would you prefer it to look like?

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Maybe more like a clear start and finish, like, okay, I did this, got it to come to fruition, and then I don't have to think about it. Because when I do a little bit at a time, I feel like it's still in my mind.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Yes. An open loop that your brain's like, we still have to do this. This isn't done yet. We can't forget. Yes. So we know that you're an Enneagram one, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

So you're an Enneagram one and future forward thinking and Enneagram ones like to check things off a list. And so what you just said about that you would prefer to be able to start one thing and like finish it, it's done. And then I can move to the next. Yes. Yeah, it definitely makes sense. But that's what you'd like to do.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Makes it more, makes it more rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

More rewarding. Because you're seeing I'm getting stuff done.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

Yep. Even today, as I'm getting ready for the trip, I like have my little lists and I've been checking things off. Nice.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

What does one of those little lists look like?

SPEAKER_02 7:19

I'm looking at like my latest one that I did, and it's it's a little crazy looking. Okay, for example, on Thursday, which is the latest like list that I did, I had nine personal to-dos and I had five work to-dos. Okay. That is a lot.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

And you know, some of them are, you know, home stuff like cooking or whatever, but other things are things that I would like to accomplish for myself, like read my Bible, journal, you know, things like that. So I kind of add those things onto that list to kind of try to prioritize and make time for those things. Um, but that's how I end up with like a nine to ten point to-do list, you know, then that's just outside of the work things.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Oh yeah. Because even you said cooking. Cooking is not just like a one step and then you're done. That can be like 12 steps depending on what you're making and how many dishes are involved.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

And yeah, like cooking or laundry, you know, those things have multiple steps as well. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Yeah. So if we were to break down the plan to accomplish the task of cooking, yeah, there's more than one step. There's a lot of many steps underneath there, too.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

And I feel like that's when I guess I tend to get frustrated because I don't think about all the little things. So then I like halfway do a task, and then it's like, well, I don't get to check it off my list because maybe I started my laundry but I didn't fold it, so then I don't count that as like it's done. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

So then do you put folding on your list for the next day? Still put laundry, still put laundry.

unknown 8:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

I just carry it over, I just carry it over the whole thing until it's like fully done. Then I even put sometimes like texting certain people back, like even if it's been a while and I'm like, oh, I need to like for like check back.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

I so yeah. So those are certain things that I put on there that did not get done.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

That's so smart to put that on that list. Definitely shows that there's like this person is really important to me, and I want to make sure that I follow up with them. You know, there's certainly a lot of really great intention there, and so it's really great that that's on the list. And then I can also see that all that does is just lengthen your list.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Yes, yeah. That's why it's like a little chaotic because again, it's like a personal list, but it includes a lot of things. Yeah. Like I even put like workout on there. So anything from like working out to journaling to texting people to laundry and cooking, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

And then whatever the mess is happening at work as well.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Yeah. I mean, honestly, I feel like if I don't get in go mode from the morning, it can kind of trickle down to the afternoon.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

So, like if you don't start your day off like you hit the ground running and you're taking care of knocking a lot of things off of your list, then by the time you get back home.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

The list looks so long, it feels like it hadn't accomplished things from the list. So then it like makes it more like a drag to get it done. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

So when you come back home, you're like, oh my gosh, I still have all these things to do.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Right. Versus if I just wake up and I'm like, oh, I did my workout, check. Oh, I got to do my reading, check. Then like I kind of start at a better pace, not feeling so overwhelmed towards the end of the day.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Almost like the last time that this was like really difficult for you, and you're like, there's not enough time to get this stuff done.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

I mean, even right now, as I'm getting ready to go out of town. I mean, just trying to get all these last little minute things done. Stayed up late working yesterday, or I'm supposed to leave tomorrow. And I'm I tend to just kind of like, oh wait, I forgot about this. Like, maybe I could just do this real quick, or um, I tend to add a few little things.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Yeah, that happens a lot, huh?

SPEAKER_02 11:10

Oh, that happens a lot, and that's how I end up with the chaotic planning because I'll maybe I'm like cleaning the bathroom and then I'm like, oh, I haven't organized this drawer, and then I can like start taking it apart to like organize it. Yes, and then I'm like, what am I doing? Like, yes. So those type of things tend to sometimes get me off track and add more work and kind of have that chaotic, like, this is halfway done, this is halfway done.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

I mean, that's how we ended up with the shoe IKEA storage situation in the garage. I was doing something inside and was like, oh, we should get something to organize all of our shoes.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Yep, and then my husband comes home and he's like, What happened? I'm like, oh well, I tried to do this, and then I started doing this other thing. Happens a lot.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah, okay. I understand the chaos because you're traveling to sometimes physically to different rooms to to see different tasks, and your eyes lay on different tasks, and so you start doing different things. Oh, the drawer. Well, I'm here, so let me just organize it, right? You just start doing it. No, yeah, that does feel a little chaotic.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah, visually seeing the list helps. The one thing I do struggle with is then I create like another mental list of like, oh, maybe next week this can be like a thing. So how I was talking about like those like futuristic, never-ending lists. Yeah, that's kind of how those happen. Um we haven't like I'm literally looking, I'm like, oh, we haven't shredded the papers. Like, we haven't.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

There's just papers like on top of our shredder and just things like that that as I'm cleaning, I see, and I'm like, oh, that's gonna have to be a future like to do. Um, so yeah, that creates kind of that extra list, but I'm trying to just visually look at the current one for today. Yeah, sometimes you know, I can tend to get upset at not getting those things done, and I add that extra stress or pressure on myself, and it's like nobody else is doing that but me, you know? Right. So sometimes I have to remember that that it's like I'm putting that stress on me, yeah. And just kind of releasing that.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Okay, yeah. So being aware of like the internal dialogue in your head, knowing that that's really you talking to yourself. Yes. Yeah, you don't have like your husband isn't, he doesn't care whether your laundry is done. He'd probably like that you had clean clothes, and obviously you do. But like he's not like Andrea, we haven't done any of these things. Like, come on, what have you been doing?

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

But it feels like a big deal to you if you have this like long list of things that are still not done.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Oh, for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

For myself, yeah, it does feel yeah, because I mean, even like cooking is one line, but there's so many steps before it that need to happen, and then a lot of steps that happen after it. But that isn't like illustrated on your list because it just takes up one space. So I wonder, do you feel as fulfilled if you check off cooking and it's just one line that took up space and you still have like eight other things unchecked?

SPEAKER_02 14:24

No, there's times where it's like or a different task that I get done feels more fulfilling than like just one big task.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Okay, so you feel more accomplished if you've been able to check off more items than just one large big one. Mm-hmm. Okay. Why is that?

SPEAKER_02 14:47

I think that I think that could just be a me thing of like, wow, look at all these things I got done versus like all I did was cooking.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

You know? One whopping thing today, big deal.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

Yeah. And then the home stuff, again, kind of trying to have that mindset of if it doesn't get done, it'll be okay. The house is not gonna catch on fire, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Yeah. Not because you don't do your laundry. So is that something that you find that helps you? Like whenever you're looking at your list and you're like, all right, there's just plain not enough time left. I'm like nearing the end. Is there a specific question you ask yourself to help you gain perspective or take a step back from that list? Like, is the house gonna catch on fire if I don't get these three things done?

SPEAKER_02 15:33

I mean, I I used to get very frustrated and feel very defeated if, like, you know, certain things wouldn't get done, or you know, just feeling really stressed. And so that's like that's more of a recent thing of like it's okay, like, what's the most pressing? For example, like a silly home thing before leaving on a trip. Like, I know it's gonna bring me peace to have the house vacuumed and things like that when I come back from the trips. I may prioritize that over folding laundry. You know, what's most important for me when I come back? Kind of what's gonna give me that peace versus uh what are some things I can just be okay with looking at later or something.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah. So that's the question you ask yourself, even if it's like a day at work, right? Like, what's gonna be the biggest thing that whenever I come back home and walk into my house that I'm like, okay, I can settle a little bit.

unknown 16:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

Allow myself to decompress from work a little bit more. Let me do those things first. Yeah. Okay. That's awesome. Yeah, even if that's recent, that's okay. Still counts. We all pick up things every day.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Yeah, I've been learning to delegate tasks.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Is that hard to do?

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Yes, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Why is that people struggle with delegating for for a lot of different reasons. Some of us it seems like it takes longer to tell someone what we need to do than to just do it ourselves. Others, it's okay, there's a specific way that it needs to get done, so I better do it instead of them.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

I guess they kind of go hand in hand for me. Of like, I just want to do it the way that I I want to get get it done, and I know, you know, what needs to be done, and I'll just do it. But again, kind of thinking back to okay, the well, this is probably gonna bring me peace that like that's done, so I just need to be okay with that.

unknown 17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Whenever I was learning to delegate, I had to learn that 80% done is goal for delegating and better than my zero or like my 50% done.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

That's true.

unknown 17:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

So we're we're practicing delegating to the husband, I assume, if it's like house stuff. Because you're getting all your work stuff done. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think is kind of common because I mean, house stuff, it's like, well, we always it's a never-ending to-do list there, right?

SPEAKER_02 18:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

And then at work, some outside forces are saying, this is what needs to happen, and by this date, this is what it's expected of you. We are kind of programmed to figure out working within the margins of our time how to get this stuff delivered to them. But then the house stuff, there isn't a true deadline necessarily.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I feel like the deadlines definitely help me.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Yeah, having like this is when it's due, get it done, or else.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Yes. Yeah. We've started trying to put things on the calendar of when we do certain things.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Okay, like house things, like tasks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Mm-hmm. Yeah. We have a little calendar and trying to say, okay, well, today we did like we did the bathrooms, right? We did like vacuuming.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Yeah. And like retroactively you're putting that in, or are you future and saying this is the day for this task?

SPEAKER_02 18:57

So right now, since it's a new system, we're only putting it in when we do it. Okay. Yes. Ideally, it would be nice to say, okay, so now next Sunday will be another day to do XYZ, you know? Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

What would you say to someone whose life looks similar to yours, where they have work things or school things that have to get done, and somehow they are getting those things done, and then they've got all the home things. And home can be their physical space and it can be themselves as a person, their routines that help them show up in the ways that they want to. Other people that they're like in a relationship with, whether it's a partner, a spouse, animals, kids. What would you say to someone who is living that week of okay, on Monday I start out with a whole lot of tasks, bundle slits, and I just carry it over every single day, and I never hit Friday with like all the personal things done, and then I hit the weekend, and I'm having to choose between hanging out and like resting and enjoying the weekend or a day off versus getting some more things done so that way Monday doesn't come and I'm entering with a giant list. What comes to mind?

SPEAKER_02 20:07

I think finding a system that works for you would be number one to just kind of keep the priorities straight and not keep adding to it and not getting overwhelmed in your head. Um I think something I'm trying to do better at is like also doing some of the things for me so that I don't just get drained day to day and not, you know, keep running on empty. Yeah. You know, also have things for me to recharge and some self-care. Yeah. The whole reframing of like, okay, what's really like the worst that's gonna happen if I don't get all these things done, you know.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Yeah. Let's take a step back, get some perspective. The house is gonna catch on fire.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

Yeah. I'm trying to limit my phone screen time because I don't actually get recharged for doing that. Like, I think I'm like taking some me time. Next thing you know, I've been on my phone for two hours, and I'm like, why did I do that? You know, I I I still didn't take time to do tasks for myself that would make me feel refreshed.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Yeah, two hours has gone by and you feel no less settled or refreshed or encouraged. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

I got the little puzzles that we talked about last time.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Yeah, I mean, again, just something to do while TV's on the background.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Again, taking that me time at the end of the day and not just feeling like I do things, go to sleep, and then do it all over again.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Right. With no breathing room in between. It's a really exhausting way to live. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

I mean, it's I know there's always gonna be a season of learning and adjusting, you know, through different life stages, you know, it may look This certain way right now, but I know I may have to adjust later on. And just being willing to learn, you know what can help not um bring back those feelings of like being hard on myself or adding on more than I can do and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Yeah, for sure. We are constantly in a state of like learning and growing. It would be nice to feel like we've arrived and mastered a certain life stage or certain like way of existing. And if anyone experiences that, you don't sit there in that space for very long before something shifts a little bit, and you're like, oh gosh, now this is different. Right.

unknown 22:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

How do I work with this now? Yeah. Yeah, but for sure, rest, having that regular rhythm, finding moments where you can like come up for air and breathe and settle before you go back in. That is, I think, really integral to being able to sustain how fast-paced our life gets. All right, my fellow busy brain friends. Take a breath, give yourself a little grace, and remember, you can always start again. That's what a do-over really is. Not perfection, just permission. Talk soon.