When the End of the Year Feels Like Too Much

029 If you’ve ever felt like late April and May quietly become survival mode, this episode is for you.

Candace sits down with Joanna for an honest conversation about the stretch of the year when everything starts stacking at once. School events. Emails. Teacher gifts. Summer planning. Work deadlines. Emotional kids. And the invisible mental load moms are usually carrying underneath all of it.

Together, they talk about the moments where it really hit them, the pressure to keep everything moving, and what happens when the season starts feeling heavier than anyone around you seems to notice.

This conversation is not about fixing May.
It’s about finally naming why it feels so hard.

If you’ve been feeling behind, stretched thin, or like you’re barely holding the moving pieces together, this episode will make you feel less alone.

Want to share your do-over moment? Email team@thesteadystateco.com or send a quick voice memo.

👉 Join my newsletter: mybusybrain.com/join
👉 Join the course waitlist: mybusybrain.com/plan
👉 Tap Follow so your next do-over is waiting when you need it most.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to provide mental health treatment, therapy, or professional advice. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you are in need of mental health support, please reach out to a qualified professional in your area or contact your local crisis line.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're managing what you always do, but your brain feels scattered and you just can't seem to pull it together. The BusyBrain Do-Over from Steady State Co. is your space to recover, reset, and restart. Proud of how you show up again. Because you're not the problem and you're not alone. Here, you'll find real tools and honest conversations to help you feel capable, steady, and like yourself again. Here's your host, Candace David, a fellow busy brain who believes life doesn't have to run perfectly to run well.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Hi, Joanna.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Hi.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

I am so glad that you are on the podcast with me today. I'm really excited for us to chat. Thank you so much for being willing. Oh, thanks for having me. I would love for you to share a little bit about yourself with my listeners so that way they can get to know you a little bit and kind of understand what your life looks like and how you spend your time.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Okay, so I'm Joanna. I'm a mental health therapist in North Texas. Actually, I work with Candace. So that's how we know each other. I have three boys and three dogs. So life is a little crazy right now. It's a little busy. A dog per kid. Was that intentional?

SPEAKER_02 1:25

No. Okay, so three boys. Yeah, when you say three boys, I think boys are busier than girls. You think so? I get overwhelmed hearing three boys. They have more energy.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

They do have a lot of energy and they feed off of that energy a lot. Yeah. So that makes it a little crazy. They like escalate things themselves. Oh, they do. And it's you know, a teenager and a preteen and a five-year-old. So it that's right.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Okay, because they're spread out across development stage.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Okay, so your life is super busy. Yes, it is. Three voice at home along with the husband and then mental health therapists by day. So holding space for your clients all throughout the day before you go home in the evenings. Okay, okay. So let's talk about this end-of-the-year academic year home stretch year. Things are going really fast. Was there a specific moment that you were really confronted with that?

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Yeah, I mean, it's honestly when I got the end of the year schedules for all the kids, right? So um my five-year-old is graduating pre-K, so they have a pre-K graduation, and it happens to be on the same day as my middle kid in elementary school, having all the awards. Oh so it's the same day.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Same time, because that's how it works sometimes. And I was like, How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna be at two places at one time? Because that's impossible.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Not possible.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

It's not, it's not. So it was more of an internal dilemma I had because both boys want me to be there, obviously. And yeah, I was just like freaking out. I was like, How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna do it?

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Okay, so you wow, yeah. All right, so you got like an email or something that was like, hey, this is when pre-K graduation is. Oh, and then surprise also awards at the elementary school, literally the same day and time.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Yep. It was an email and a a pre-K invitation thing. Wow, yeah. It's a lot, it's a lot at this time of year.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

So you you get both of those things, and then I think my first thought would be like, holy crap, I can't do this.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

That's about it. I was actually going to work because I drop my youngest off before I hit the office, and I like get in, put out my stuff up, right? And I get the invitation of like, oh, cool, you know, May 19th. Awesome. And then I pull up my laptop and check all my emails, like one does, and then I get an email from the school, like their monthly newsletter. Um, and it was like, oh, May 19th. Okay, well, maybe I'll just take the day off, right? And then I go over to fourth grade and I see the time, and like this is 9 a.m. and 9 30. The schools are not next to each other, they're nothing like that. So I took a deep breath. I was like, okay, I almost closed my laptop because I don't want to deal with this right now. I have a client in like 45 minutes, right? I need to get focused. And I texted my husband. I was like, what are we gonna do? Like, this is it. What are we doing? And he's texting me trying to calm me down because you know, you know me, I want to control everything and I want to, you know, be there for everything. Well, because you want to be at both things, like you do, you want to those boys. I do, I do, and I know I can't call the school and change it, I know all that stuff. And I was just like, okay, what am I gonna do? And I had to just switch over, honestly, from mom brain to therapist brain. Um, because I have clients that count on us, right? So it was hard. And whatever break I had, I was texting my husband, I was like, what are we gonna do? Um haven't figured out a solution yet. Fix this, please. And then I was like flipping it back around to therapist brain.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Oh my gosh. Okay, so you're sitting in your office. Oh my word. I'm getting upset thinking about this, and it's not again my life. You're sitting in your office and you realize, okay, this is the same. There's no way I can be both these places at once. And then like blooping and the husband, my thought is I've I like blooping the husband when I'm like mad. And there's no way he's gonna be able to fix it because these things are out of our control.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

But like I want him to be exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Gosh. So wow. Okay, so whenever you were like blooping and the husband, was there like an internal dialogue that was happening in your head or something you were saying to yourself?

SPEAKER_03 5:55

Oh, yeah. I mean, I was like beating myself up, like I'm not enough as a mom. And then I spiral, right? I'm a failure. I think I am not a good mom, I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good therapist. And once it was started going that, um, because I have to be really mindful of that. So when I when that starts happening, I'm like, okay, get it together. And then, you know, the drive home, I started thinking about it again, and those thoughts kept going because you know, what else do you do when you sit in traffic for 45 minutes, right? Yes, yeah, your mind wanders, and that's what happened. And then I was like, I I can't do this. So I called my husband and like, what a what kind of mom am I? This is crazy, I can't do all this, all those kinds of things. And he really was like, Okay, breathe, calm down, right? Deep breaths, and you're a great mom. So he gave me like a pep talk, right? And gave me some validation that I needed. Yeah, and it was, you know, your seat is amazing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

So you can start to hear that internal dialogue spiral down the direction of lots of negative thoughts. In you are a therapist, we're therapists. And sometimes I think our clients believe we don't struggle with anything, um, particularly the things that we help our clients with. Well, no, we still struggle, we're still humans. So it sounds like as you're starting to go down that spiral, you were quick to recognize, like, okay, this is what's happening right now. My brain's taking me somewhere that's a little unhelpful. And sounds like sounds like started using some CBT things to shift your focus back to.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Yeah, I have to tell myself all the time, like, what would I tell my clients?

SPEAKER_02 7:34

You know, so I have to do it all the time when my mind starts to wander like that.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

And so then whenever you're driving home and you decided to call the husband, is that what helped you shift in that moment?

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Yes, it did. Uh-huh. Because I kind of what am I gonna focus on? Traffic and it's gonna make me more angry and frustrated. So it's like I didn't have anything necessarily to focus other on. So I had I get that outside help.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Yeah. I mean, because if you that's how you started your day, right? With really with conflicting events that are both very important and significant, and you realize you cannot accomplish both things, and then the spiral starts. And wow, so then that can definitely like negatively color your whole day. Particularly because in between sessions you're like texting, right? The husband, it comes back to mind of like this still is resolved. How can I be at both of these things? Um yeah, so then whenever you go sit in traffic, it small negative things or things that happen every day in live traffic feel personal.

SPEAKER_03 8:47

Yes. This red light is happening because I'm here, you know, and stuff like that. Absolutely. You know, take a deep breath. Cause then I have to go straight into mom mode again, right? Dinner, at times routines, all those kinds of stuff, right? Exactly. Third shift. Um, and I was just like, okay, you know what? It's gonna be okay. Even if there's a dumpster fire behind me, it's gonna be okay, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:19

Okay, is this the first time that that happened where like you had two conflicting things, or you had like so many, you felt the the pull or strain of how busy the end of the year gets?

SPEAKER_03 9:31

That next day we got the oldest kid, the 14-year-old basketball schedule, so for the summer. So it's just it it was just a lot in like two days to the end. And that's yeah, that was like last week actually.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

So yeah, okay, hang on. So many conflicting things. You felt the the pull or strain of how busy the end of the year gets. I mean, I know the basketball schedule is crazy, you guys are practices multiple times a week or games, and they're they're at night, they're like late games.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

Nine o'clock, some of them. Nine p.m.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

Yeah, that's ridiculous to start a game. And then you guys have games on the weekends. And then so you feel the pull or strain of how busy the end of the year gets.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

You know, with the basketball and stuff towards the end of the year, a lot of it is conflicting with the two basketball games at the same time in in different places or a basketball game when I had to work. So that was really hard. Yeah, I had to change some clients, they were fine with it, they you know, but I hate doing that. Um I just get that like my gosh, I'm not a good enough therapist, I'm not a good enough mom. And things are out of totally out of my control. I don't make those schedules. So there's pulls there, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Well, it sounds like you feel those pulls from I mean, you certainly care about your boys, your sons, and you do care about your clients, and either when life gets so busy, like in May, how it can get really busy, or it's just the way things play out schedule-wise, you see a lot of conflicts in your week as opposed to things aligning, and so then you're having to choose between something. Yep. I feel like that's when it gets really hard because we feel like we're always letting someone down or sacrificing something some part of ourselves or our values. And I feel like that internal conflict is really, really difficult.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Yeah, I agree. And I do think it happens a lot towards the end of the year, right? The school year, because there's just a lot of other outside forces playing against it, right? You think I have to think about summertime that you have to think, well, I don't want my kids on iPads and video games all day during the summer. So what are those, you know, schedules like? We have to plan lunches because they eat lunch at school and school's out for the summer now. So you know, there's all these other things that kind of just go into play that make it just feel a little more like heavy. Yeah. And summer's used to be fun. I don't know. It has not been fun for me since probably I've had kids to be honest with you, and I love them dearly, but it is it's a lot. It's summers are so different when you have kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

I remember even like in May as a kid being so excited, or even as a college student, like being like ready and like anticipatory about the semester ending, the school year ending, because I just could not wait to get to summer. And as an adult, it's like this is the worst.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Yes. Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Exactly. There's so much stuff that goes on. Oh my word. Too much. Too much. So, what is something that has helped you?

SPEAKER_03 13:12

I mean, made a choice, so I decided to go to pre-create graduation. Um, and a dear friend of my middle kid, the friend's mom is gonna take pictures and videos and things like that. So, and I'm just gonna like blank him, like this is the place it's gonna be, and you know, tell him all about it and pray that he understands. And I know he will, but it is it is crazy time, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

How are you reconciling the I can't be in both of these places at once? I'm having to choose one over the other, and that what feels very unsettling or unresolved, I think. Like, how are you moving into that perspective?

SPEAKER_03 13:57

Well, it's hard. I'm definitely not perfect at it whatsoever. So if you have any tips for me, just let me know, shoot it my way. But yeah, it's I think one, it's all about balance. And you know that I'm not very good at the balance part of it. But sitting down and explaining it to my kids, right? Explain to them, you know, I can't be, I really want to be here with whatever here is, right? But I can't make that happen. Counting on a village too, right? Village raids kids, right? So it's, you know, conquer and divide. It's if grandparents can come, if aunts, uncles, has that, you know, all those kinds of things. And if that can't happen, um then it's hey, we can't, you know, I can't be here for this, or dad can't be here for this, um, or both of us can't be here for this for one game or an award ceremony or something like that. And it's um explained to me. I know it's hard, right? We're validating their feelings, um, and it just it's out of our control. And then it helps me personally, um, with whatever after the event, we still celebrate it, right? So if it's an award ceremony, we're still celebrating him, right? I'm like, tell me all about it. Let's go get some ice cream or something like that, right? And then what I do for all my kids, our little into the school year tradition is I get a little cookie cake that says, Oh, you did it or whatever, right? Um, and when I'm eating my slice, I'm just telling myself, I'm like, okay, we did it. I was there with you guys. Um, super proud of them. I tell them that all the time. And you guys did it. You guys did the eighth grade and the fourth grade and pre-K, you know. But I acknowledge that I helped them through that as well. And I did a lot too. And you know, I think that's I think that's healthy. I don't think that's selfish because as a mom, yeah, we do just naturally, we do a lot of things that we don't really sit back and say, oh wow, we really did all this stuff. So I think it's saying that to myself, a little smile comes across my face, and like, okay, you know, like we did it. And it made us stronger, check off some, right? And it keeps me our present too. Because I mean, my oldest is going into ninth grade next year, and I'm like, I'm gonna blink, and he's graduating, right? So I want to try to stay as as present as possible. So I have to acknowledge those things sometimes internally.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

I love that. I love that that's I hear the tradition, like having a cookie cake and all the boys get to have one. And but I love your own acknowledgement and like paddle the back for yourself. Like I got through it too and showed up and but just honoring all the ways that you did, but you meant that you were um like physically present or emotionally present, but just like engaged in the ways that you want it to be, even if it's not ever gonna look a hundred percent like how we would want things to look right or to happen, but being able to acknowledge that we're still like proud of ourselves for how the whole thing happened. I think that's great. I don't think we do that enough.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

No, I know I don't.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

I don't think we do. Because that is what the like end of the school year stuff is happening for the kids, like in obviously high school. If you're graduating, you get a big like thing. But like in public school or even private school, like if there is some sort of acknowledgement that the kids get every year at the end of the year, like, hey, good job, you're done. Like, but as parents or adults, we we stop doing that, taking those regular moments to applaud ourselves for like hung in there, like and you finished it.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

Exactly. Exactly. We might not be sitting in the desk, you know, and doing the the test and all the worksheets and all that kind of stuff, but we're I think we're doing a lot of the things, right? We're making the lunches, we're driving them to school, uh, we're picking them up to school, going to the games or the concerts or whatever they have. We're going to the field trips like you did today. Um, I mean, we're showing up physically, and if we can't show up physically, we're definitely showing up emotionally. Um, and it gets yeah, and I think that's super important to be like, okay, like we got through it too. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Yeah. Because we definitely do that in our work with our clients, like remind our clients, right? Ask them to reflect back and look at, you know, six months ago or two weeks ago, even like how much progress have you made? How far have you grown? Like, let's just take a second and soak that up because you've made a significant amount of progress. And those are even if you consider them to be small steps, they are still very significant steps worth acknowledging. But that's something that has helped you, like talking with the boys and being able to sit down with the people that you feel like I don't know if you conceptualize, if I feel like I'm letting my sons down, so I'm gonna sit down with them, or if it's just I'm gonna sit down and explain to them because I love them and I want them to know that it is important to me that I go to both of these things. Yeah, I can't. And so I but I'm gonna talk with them about it. So sitting down and explaining to them, this is what I would love to do. Reality says I can't do that because I cannot clone myself or whatever it is. So here's what's gonna happen, and then we will still celebrate or acknowledge, circle back in whatever way we can as a family, the thing that I as your mom and what do you think that does for you when you're able to sit down with the boys and have that conversation?

SPEAKER_03 20:08

Oh, it helps me be okay with it. Uh, to be honest with you, I have to do a lot of like internal work, like we've already talked about, before I talk to them about it, because I get frustrated because I can't control frustration, right? And then internal dialogue of, oh my gosh, I'm not a gnome, all these kinds of things make me upset. And I don't want to come with all that to them, right? So I have to really tuck myself through it. Sometimes call my husband and make sure I'm okay when I present that and go to them about it. And there's some things that I'm like, okay, well, you know, what do y'all suggest to do? Right. So it's kind of more of a family choice. So it if that doesn't happen, then I do come with a choice. And then they are so kind to me. They're like, it's okay, mama. You know, I know that this sucks for you and all this kind of stuff. I know you work hard for us. I don't get that all the time, but when I do, it's in those moments where I need them and I need to hear them. And we there's talking whatever, and I'm just like, okay, it's gonna be okay, right? I'm not just telling myself to hope and pray that it's gonna be okay, but I'm like, it is okay, and we're gonna get through this. We are gonna circle back around, we're gonna give flowers where flowers are due and all those types of things, right? So it does help me, and they are very understanding. Um, they might be disappointed about it, but they're very understanding with it. So that's that helps a lot.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Yeah, it sounds like it gives you a lived experience of okay, they heard it and the world didn't fall apart. They heard it and they're gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

I'm able to see how they took it in, responded, and I got confirmation. Or assurance. They're not thinking all these awful things about me that I was thinking about myself.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

They don't hate me. Oh my gosh, you know.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Yeah, awesome. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. I can definitely see how that is helpful because our mind can be a not very kind place to be. Sometimes we say the most unhelpful things to ourselves, things we would not say out loud to other people. Yeah. Most of the time. And I think it is hard to remember that other people don't think those things about us.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

It helps so much. It does.

SPEAKER_02 22:37

Okay, so Joanna, if a mom is listening to our conversation right now and she's in the middle of this like May Sember, her calendar is exploding. Everyone around her is expecting her to show up and help with things or show up and participate in things. And she is realizing like she just cannot, whether it's her schedule doesn't allow for it, like she has things that are conflicting with each other, or her capacity is just not there. What would you encourage her with?

SPEAKER_03 23:09

You know, first I would tell her to just breathe. We have to be okay for other people to be okay, especially the ones that depend on us. We need to do what we need to do to calm down first. And as moms, we usually don't put ourselves first like that. And I think it's really important, especially if you're feeling like, how am I gonna do this? Right? This is impossible. Um, I can't control things. I don't, you know, like my kids are gonna hate me, all those kind of like irrational thoughts that come in. It's really important to be able to focus on yourself first and do what you need to do, coping skills, all those kinds of things, talking to friends, talking to your parents or partners or anything like that, and just hey, what can we do? Can we tag team it? Can somebody else come in for our kids and be there for them and just figure it out, right? One thing at a time, okay, especially with the calendar. It's like this is on Monday, this is on Tuesday, this is on, you know, all those kinds of things. And it gets so crazy to look at it as a whole. But if we break it down day by day, sometimes hour by hour, we're able to handle it a little bit more, I think. Yeah. So put yourself first, number one, especially in these moments, and then you can better handle and manage the internal thoughts or the kids' disappointments or talking to the kids and really be in that present moment for them and for yourself. Because it's a joyous thing for us to see pre-K graduations and award ceremonies and sports games. It's so meaningful us too. And if we constantly are thinking about well, we gotta get here at this time, or we gotta get to this game or this show, we're missing out on the here and the now. And our kids feel that.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Yeah, they do. I have to remind myself of that. Me too. So essentially telling moms like the whole put your own oxygen mask on yourself before assisting your child or the person next to you. Like, take care of yourself, and then you can take care of the people around you. Only from that place are you able to show up as like the version of yourself that you want to be.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

And it goes so much against who we are as parents, right? Like we always put our chet children first. But what happens if we're not okay, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:43

Yeah, we do that as parents, and then even like professionally at work, we have to put our clients first. That's our job. So that's what you do. And then personality-wise, you know, there are an Agram twos, maybe like yourself, that are more inclined to put everybody else before themselves. If you're a firstborn child or something, you're gonna put other people before yourself and take care of things. It's very ingrained in a lot of us to have that default of I'll be fine. I'm not gonna think about myself and how I'm struggling or freaking out. We need to make sure everybody else is okay or all these other things will be okay, and then we'll worry about ourselves later. But that is for sure how we end up in disastrous places. So I also heard you say bring in other people to help you look at it, like an outside perspective. Maybe someone who is not so emotionally connected to it might help with some objectivity or coming up with creative solutions potentially. And then bringing in your village, recruiting other people that you live life with that can be supportive and stand in for you, and having conversations with the people that are directly involved, the ones that you might not be able to show up for in the ways that you were hoping to just bring them into the fold and make them aware. Exactly. All of the above. Thank you so much for being on the show, Joanna. I really appreciate it and have loved chatting with you. I loved what you shared. It definitely is really helpful. It's a great reminder that as moms, as women who are busy or just doing life, we can take a moment to pat ourselves in the back to give ourselves a pep talk and a job well done. And also a reminder to put our own oxygen mask on before we start helping other people because May goes by really fast. And there are a lot of the times of the year that go by really fast, and we are definitely guilty of just trying to push through it all and take care of our needs way after the fact. So I appreciate the reminder. I know that it was really helpful for others to hear.

SPEAKER_03 27:49

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

All right, my fellow busy brain friends. Take a breath, give yourself a little grace, and remember you can always start again. That's what a do-over really is. Not perfection, just permission. Talk soon.