Stop Telling Men To Cry | Ep.5

This week we roast a third-date disaster that turns into an ambush, then shift into a candid take on men’s mental health: where awareness works, where it fails, and what practical steps actually move the needle. We call for fewer slogans and more solutions, from training for hard things to building real male friendships.

• media clickbait and the bad-date case study 
• why awareness without action falls flat 
• speaking vs solving and outcome-focused help 
• limits of “real men cry” and performative vulnerability 
• communication gaps between men and women 
• heroic intelligence, rites of passage, risk and purpose 
• third spaces, mateship and measurable support

Like, subscribe, share, and leave a comment and let me know what you think

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Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open And Hot Takes
• 0:35 Media Rants And Ending A Clickbait Series
• 1:59 The Michael Jackson Musical Date Fiasco
• 5:20 Tricked Into A Family Dinner
• 8:40 Why Stories Like This Hurt Men
• 11:01 Pivot To Men’s Mental Health In November
• 13:10 Stop Telling Men To Cry
• 18:15 Speaking Isn’t A Solution Without Action
• 22:05 Men Want Solutions, Not Slogans
• 26:20 Vulnerability, Boundaries And Control
• 31:05 Communication Gaps Between Men And Women
• 36:40 On Crying Camps And Empty Affirmations
• 41:08 Train For Hard Things Before They Hit
• 47:20 Rites Of Passage And Real Manhood
• 52:35 Risk, Heroic Intelligence And Purpose
• 56:55 Male Friendships And Third Spaces

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to episode five of Ministry of Man. And we're back. We're back here again. And I've been waiting. Because you know what? They said we couldn't do four. And they said if you if you can do four, then you definitely can't do five. And we're back here again. We're proving them wrong. That's what we're out to do. Because we're not slowing down here at the Ministry of Man podcast. We're speeding things up. And uh and boy oh boy, have we got some some good old fashioned hot takes today? So one of the things that I wanted to start with, because I'm just gonna jump into this. The last two weeks in a row, I've broken down a particular news.com.au article by the same girl who looked to be starting a series, but it also looks like that series is ended. So apparently, well, from what I could understand, it was getting a lot of hate comments and uh and a lot of negativity because they're obviously like the they were the oldest, dumbest takes ever. And I like to believe that we had something to do with it. That maybe, just maybe, we called it out enough. Uh, because this podcast is huge now. It's like we're on top of the world, uh, as I've mentioned. And so obviously, because of this the slamming reviews, they're not doing those topics anymore, and that series has ended, which is for sure for the best for everyone involved. But the funny thing is that now apparently news.com they're using my algorithm. And so I'm getting all these articles coming up, and so I'm gonna I'm gonna throw one in. I'm gonna throw one in to uh to give one to the gals because the last to obviously it was a girl writing the the first two, and so I was kind of picking on not girls, but just that girl and her stupid takes. But this one, I've heard a story on news.com.au about an idiot guy. So this girl was telling a story of a first date. So let me just get I'm gonna just jump into this because this dude's an idiot, man. So this girl's telling this story about she goes on this date. She goes on a first date with a guy, and it goes alright. Goes on a second date, goes alright. They're teeing up a third date. So they've only they've hung out twice. They're teeing up a third date, and he goes, When are you free? And she goes, I'm busy on Thursday with the gals, but I'm free on Friday. He goes, All right, let's do Friday. The start of the week rolls around, maybe a Tuesday. Sends her a message saying, You're gonna have to cancel on the gals. I've got I've got us two tickets to the Michael Jackson musical, and we're going. So, first of all, don't do that. Don't if someone's like, Yeah, I'm busy on a particular day, don't buy tickets. On the day they said that they couldn't do anything, they were busy. They had plans on that day. So immediately that's just like uh that's an awful, stupid thing to do. Okay, so that's how that's how this story starts. So she ends up being like, okay, because he's putting a lot of pressure on. He's like, No, no, no, I've already bought the tickets, you're just gonna have to, like, this is gonna be so good. Like, talks you into it. He's like, she's like, okay, Rhino, let's go to this thing. And he goes, Oh, by the way, we're we're gonna go to dinner before it. Um, because you know, we can't have a you go on on an empty stomach. She's like, Cool, sounds good, we'll get dinner. And then he goes, Oh, also, there's gonna be a few other people there. It's gonna be fun. There's gonna be a group of us, it's gonna be fun. So, and then and that's another thing where you're like, okay, this guy is either incredibly just obnoxious and self-absorbed and just doesn't care, or he just doesn't know the rules of engagement because the chick's clearly been like, I thought it was a date. I thought we're going on a date, and now you take me to a group of people that I'm not gonna know anyone. Mind you, I don't even know you that well because they've been on two dates before this. So, again, another idiot thing to do. But she's like, Okay. Now, as they're going, as they're going to the date, as they're going to the dinner, he says to her, Okay, there's gonna be a lady there. She's a little bit older, but this particular lady, uh, I've told her that you only speak Italian. Now, this this the girl going on the date does speak fluent Italian. And he goes, I've told her that you only speak Italian, so only speak Italian when you get there to her. And she's like, Why? Like, I don't want to do that. He's like, No, trust me, it'd be really funny. And she's like, I don't want to do that. He's like, No, I've already told it, so you have to. And like basically convinces her to like do this prank on people that she just doesn't know. So, like, it's it's not even a good prank either. It's such, it's just like a um, like you're gonna trick them that you only speak Italian, and then what you either only ever speak Italian to them, or at some point in the night you go, oh yeah, I'm not actually, I actually speak English. And it's like, oh you tricked us. It's like it's the like those types of jokes or pranks are the worst type because you put there's no nuance, there's it's not like this mastermind kind of thing you figured out where we're gonna pull this elaborate prank. It's like, yeah, you told, I believe that you only spoke Italian because you told me that you only spoke Italian. Like it's like if I would have said to someone, yeah, you know what, man, um, you know, I got really I got really down after um 9-11. And um, and I just I walked down to the beach and I just I just kind of sat there and just like looked out into the ocean and just sort of contemplated on it, like, oh did you really? I'm like, no, no, but you thought I did though. And you're like, well, yeah, well, that's yeah, you just yeah, why I wouldn't think you would lie about something like that. And it's like, well, I would, and I did. So pranked. What a great, what a great prank.

SPEAKER_00: 6:22

It's just like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 6:25

So she does it anyway, by the way. So she does, she starts speaking to this lady in Italian, and a little, I don't know how long, maybe like a few minutes, five minutes, whatever goes by. And she ends up saying, like, oh yeah, I don't actually speak Italian. Like, I'm he just told me to do that, and then they're like a little bit confused, but then they're like, Oh yeah, okay, well, yeah. And so the lady goes, Oh yeah, you gotta watch it with this one. And then apparently just like leans over, gives him a kiss on the cheek, and is like, How are you, darling? And then she's starting to be like, Okay, that was a little bit weird, that like that interaction. And then she noticed that, like, overheard one of the other girls' names, and she said, That sounds familiar. That sounds like the same name as like the guy told me his brother's girlfriend's name. And she's looking around, she's kind of piecing things together and realizes that she the dinner that she's at is a full-on just family dinner, it's just all of his immediate family, and like she's rocked up, dude. You're not allowed to do that, okay? You're not allowed to do that. She's put this poor girl is rocked up to a full family dinner and uh and had no idea what she was in for.

SPEAKER_00: 7:39

And like, and they start talking to her, asking questions like, oh, so like, how long have you guys been together? And like, how long have you guys been dating?

SPEAKER_01: 7:47

And she's like, It's our third date, and like I don't even know him that well. And they're like, Did you know that that you were gonna be meeting the whole family? She's like, No, no, I had no idea. And like when she's like asking the guy, like, hey, how why didn't you tell me that I was meeting your whole family? And he's like, Oh, well, you know, I I thought you'd say no if you knew. And like, yeah, yeah, she would have said no, dude. Like, she doesn't want to meet your family. She's met you twice before. She's been on two dates before this particular meeting. She doesn't want to meet your entire family and have a big long chat to your mum and pull a prank on your mum. Like, the like, this is the type of thing that happens where like this dude must be just so successful or so good looking that he has not ever really needed to learn social dynamics. He can kind of just get away with things, I feel like. It's like that type of thing where he's just this is this is probably just how he lives. He just does what he wants. And um, I mean, needless to say, it didn't actually work out with this girl, and I'm not surprised. But man, like the the annoying, the thing when I read this sort of stuff, or anything, anything that's like clearly this guy's an idiot, but he makes all dudes look bad because guys aren't the best at knowing some of the social dynamics and norms of how to operate when it comes to women and when it comes to like some of the unspoken rules. And you got guys like this, and like this story had like a million hits on or a million views or whatever, and it went pretty viral. It might have had more than that, to be honest, but uh well, I mean I read it on news.com.au, so it's gone pretty big. Uh but he's making us look bad. We don't need to look any worse when it comes to social ability and skill and how to how to operate. Like, you're not meant to do that, okay? Don't trick a girl into meeting your family that you don't even know that well. But dude, dudes are so dumb, man. When it comes like I feel like, especially when it comes to like girls are so much better at like picking up on social cues and like knowing that. Like, you ask any girl in the world, even if they've never been on a date, like put them in their shoes, and they're all gonna be like, that's diabolical to do that. But there'll be a bunch of guys that would be like, Well, I don't I don't see what the big deal is, and what just going out for dinner, like he's paying, he's paying for the ticket for the date, like oh, yeah. So, needless to say, I'm leading him to this episode because I'm talking all about dudes in this episode, but not just about like I'm not just gonna roast dudes, I'm gonna roast people trying to tell guys what to do, and it's bad advice. Like, the amount of advice online for guys at the moment that is just terrible and bad advice. I can't, I can't take it anymore. I cannot take it anymore. And the the biggest thing that's been so at the moment it's November. So a lot of people talking about men's mental health and all this stuff, which is good, it's great. There's a big problem with male suicide for every uh I think 75% of suicides in Australia are men. That's pretty crazy, that's a pretty high number. Three out of four suicides are dudes. Uh so it's good that people are talking about it. What's not good is what they're saying to do about it, though. So, and even just the idea of like we need to be talking about this. People are always like, you know, we're raising awareness for men's mental health. We're like, at what point are we all are we all aware of it? Like, I feel like there's been, I mean, Movember started in like 2003 or something. I mean, I don't know if there's ever been more men's mental health awareness. We don't need to be aware of it anymore. It's like, hey, just so you know, like like I get donating money to a thing to help support and whatever. But most of the time the support is like open up and talk and and uh and just getting trying to get guys to cry. So listen to me. Okay, I'm gonna say this very, very directly stop telling men to cry. They'll cry if they need to cry, and they won't if they don't need to cry. But stop telling men that like this idea of real men cry okay, but also they don't as well though. There's many men that are real men that just don't cry, like the the association, there's this weird obsession with like trying to get men to cry as if that's going to help in some way. And there's no why on earth is that uh a good solution to a problem? You should have a good cry about it, bro. Oh, your missus left you, oh you're you're financially in trouble, just have a good cry. Like it's not gonna do anything, like cry about what? Like the I the idea of real men cry, there's a there's this weird obsession with it of like trying to get men to cry, like like about what and why. So if there's an issue that a man has and then he's got mental health problems, and you're like, just so you know, you don't need to feel like you're less of a man for crying, and you go, okay, but like who cares about that? It's like if they've if if a dude is holding back crying or not wanting to cry for fear of not being a man, wouldn't we rather look at the reason why he feels like he needs to cry to begin with? So if like the the actual physical act of crying is like who cares about that? It's not gonna help. So I can I know from my own experience when I came when I became a Christian and I got rocked, changed my life, and I cried a heap, and I hated it. I didn't like it at all. It was a bad feeling. I felt good after it because when you do cry, there's certain emotions and endorphins that go through your body. And so there was a chemical reaction to it. It's like if you lose the plot and you know, fly off the handle and get angry. Some people are really calm after it because of uh, you know, after an outburst, it kind of kind of goes and then you just feel all right. But no matter what the emotion is, whatever flood of emotion you feel, whatever the maximum tipping point is of that emotion, chemicals are released in your brain. So you're gonna feel a particular way. Like women, for example, love to cry. I feel like I'm not speaking out of term when I say that. I've literally had conversations with girls where they've gone, you know what, I think I just need to have a good cry. And I'm like, what do you mean by that? Like, I'm just gonna go home and just have a bit of a cry, I think. And I'm like, you feel good after that? Like, yeah, I usually feel better after that. And I'm like, okay, okay, well, then do your thing. Like, if you want to do that and you feel like you can do that, then go ahead and do it. But um, I know that I've never had an experience where tears have come out of my eyeballs, and I've been like, that feels really good now. Like it's not a good feeling, it sucks. Uh so either do it or don't do it. Cry or don't cry. I don't really care if a guy cries. I've seen, you know, in church, you you actually see it quite often where a dude will uh let's say he's got you know a lot of trauma, a lot of brokenness in his life, and people come along and they speak into that area of your life, and sometimes it opens up some like really deep wounds. There's a lot of really, really hurt, traumatized people that will go to church as like a last resort thing. And so I've seen guys that are bikies with covered in tattoos, all over the face, everything, like breakdown crying because things are happening, like things happen to them as a kid that gets brought up and whatever, like there's trauma stuff, and they'll they'll cry. But some guys don't. Some guys go and they don't ever cry. And then it's gotten to a point now where they feel like there's something wrong with them for not crying. I was literally had a conversation with two guys a couple of weeks ago that were talking about going, but like looking into going to therapy because they don't cry. Like they thought there's something wrong with them because they're not crying. Like as if that's just like a thing that every everyone you should be doing. How about this? How about you're not crying because you don't, there's nothing to cry about, like this, this is it's the most annoying stigma. I haven't cried in a long time, and I'm glad about that, and I don't want to do that. And I know guys that have, you know, my entire life have never cried, they've gone through like heavy breakups, never cried. And uh and they're fine, like they're okay, they're doing alright, okay? They don't need to cry. Guys, it's got to a point where guys are feeling wrong for not crying. Uh, like there's something like they should be crying. So that's one thing. The other thing is uh that annoys me a lot about the whole like the the advice to men, or like the biggest thing you hear with men's mental health is like it ain't weak to speak. Okay. So it's like they're trying to get men to talk because the idea is that these guys are taking their lives, and a lot of people in their communities and their families, they might have said, like, oh, if only you said something, it's not weak to speak. So it's a good sentiment, but it's not it's not working, and this is why, because there's never been more awareness, and there's never been more campaigns, there's never been more, you know, men's mental health stuff, there's never been more funding. Like there's millions and millions and millions of dollars in funding for men's mental health, and it's not getting any better. It's worse than it's probably ever been. It's somewhere, like it's not far off being the worst it's ever been. It peaked in the last decade, or at least from 2010 to 2019, it's increased. So through that time, and I mean like it's progressively increased. And I think it's it's dipped since 2019, like a little bit less now, but like by one per hundred thousand people. So it's like it's not a huge dip. So I'm saying this because it's like we keep saying the same thing. We can't just keep bashing the same buttons and expecting a different result. It ain't working. Just trying to saying you just got to speak about it. First of all, speaking about it, you people say it as if that is a solution to the problem. Just talking about it is not gonna do anything. If someone is drowning, and like because there's this idea of like, if they talk about it, we can talk into it and we'll be able to say, you know what, uh, I I can I can hear what you're going through, and and you know, I'm here for you, and you know, you don't have to feel shame in uh in feeling the way you feel and all this sort of stuff. And it's like that's not the issue. The issue isn't just like mental health, like they're just in a bad headspace. The problem is usually an actual problem. It's like they don't just have poor mental health, they've got a financial issue, or they've got a relationship issue, or they can't see their kids anymore, or their wife took everything and they lost the house and everything. Like the there are issues that like talking about it isn't going to do anything. If someone is drowning and they go, hey man, I'm drowning and I'm about to, like, this is I don't know how to get out, and you're like, hey man, I really appreciate you uh you opening up and telling me that. And um, and you know what, you don't have to feel shame in drowning. There's nothing wrong with being, you know, you know, about to be drowned. Like, there needs to be an actual solution to the problem. And I think a lot of guys don't bother speaking because they're like, I've tried speaking and it didn't do anything. Of middle-aged men that died from suicide, 91% of them had sought help already from the services provided, and it didn't work for them. So they're trying, they're trying the methods that are being offered, and those methods aren't working. So, why are we trying to continue to push the same method? That doesn't make sense, that's crazy, it's stupid, and there needs to be a different option. So the reason that they're doing this, by the way, is because it really helps for women. So, women, when they talk, that actually is helping. When they start to communicate and break things down, that actually alleviates the problem in itself. Talking is actually uh something that helps with women. Talking for men doesn't help because they're looking for a solution. This is the whole dynamic of why uh, you know, when women's talking to men, it's like, oh, he keeps trying to solve the issue. And I just want him to listen. I just want to, I don't, I don't want your solutions yet. Because they don't want the solution. The talking is the solution. And so just being in here to listen is the thing. But for men, they're like, no, I'm talking. And so the reason and the purpose of talking is to find a solution. So if they start talking and a solution isn't being given, then they're like, well, the only thing that I was told to do to help with the way that I'm feeling is to talk. I've done that and I'm still feeling the same way, and I'm still in the same position. So, like the whole thing, it ain't weak to speak. It's just a pointless thing. Okay, it ain't weak to speak. And so they speak and then nothing happens. So it's not like dudes aren't even afraid to speak. They might be like, yeah, I don't want to talk about my feelings in terms of being like, yeah, I feel a particular way, but they'll talk about a problem. Like, men don't really have an issue being like, man, I have this thing going on and it sucks, and I'm trying to figure out like what I do. Like, that's never really been a big problem with guys. They're able to do it because they're looking for a solution, and because they're not able to find a solution for men, taking their own lives is the solution to the problem. That's the the one that like I've exhausted all the resources and uh it looks like this is the the only solution that I have left, which is an absolute tragedy. And um I think if we're if we're so fixed on putting so much money and funding and awareness into it, then surely we can figure out by now. Like by now, we should realize okay, we need to try a different approach. It's the in Australia, the most common cause of death for men between the ages of 15 to 44 is taking your own life. So the other thing is that annoys me, that for some reason is get gets so it gets so promoted is this idea of vulnerability being a virtue. So being like, oh, you know, you just you really got to be vulnerable and you really gotta open up and be vulnerable. Says who and why. Like, I don't know if it's just a Christian thing, but so many Christian guys will be like, yeah, we went to this connect group and it was awesome because we all got really vulnerable together. I'm like, it's okay. So, first of all, that sounds like hell to me. That sounds like a version of hell on earth. Uh, because I don't want to get vulnerable with anyone because I don't understand the point of it. Like, it isn't a biblical practice because nowhere in the Bible says that you should be vulnerable. I understand being honest and I understand being transparent, and I understand, you know, not being prideful maybe and asking for help if I need it. But the idea of being like vulnerable and just exposing a part of yourself, you know, like in your heart or something, or I don't understand it. I don't know why. I don't value it. And if you want to be vulnerable, go right ahead. But I don't think it's a productive tool for men. The idea that men as a as an entire gender are wrong for not wanting to speak about their feelings. Like the his the history of males is we don't want to talk about feelings and we're not comfortable doing it, and we're not very good at it either. To say, well, you should just learn to do it. It's the same thing as telling girls you should just learn to keep it in. You should just learn to try and figure things out on your own. You should just learn to not cry so much. Like, you can't just tell a gender, you've got to be more like this whole gender. Because if they're not like them, then they're not meant to be like them. It's a there's a reason for it. Men are built in a particular way to absorb emotion. To like, if your girl is going through a hard time and it's and is emotional, and you are too, then she's not going to have very much faith and trust in you as a as someone to get support from. She goes, she goes, she goes, man, I am uh I'm really struggling with this stuff. And she starts crying about it, and you go, I'm there with you, and you start crying as well. And so it's like, what are you gonna do? Why? Stop telling men to cry and be vulnerable. Where are you getting this from? Where are you getting it from? That this idea that men need to be vulnerable, it's not it's not good advice. I don't understand it, and I think it's I think it's something that's just gone too far, and I think it's just been promoted by maybe women. But to be honest, usually when women say they want men to be more emotionally vulnerable, it's emotionally vulnerable in support and understanding and empathy, not so much in just like bearing your own stuff. Like you can be honest again, you can be transparent again. Uh, I'm not saying not to do that, but this idea of being like this crying, vulnerable, I don't know, like to me, I don't like it. I don't like it. And again, this is not I'm not talking about guys that have serious trauma. Like, I'm not talking about people that have that were abused as a kid and have, you know, they have things built up. And I'm not even knocking crying at all. Like, you can cry if you want to, it's probably good, um, but it's only good if you need to. It's not just good to do. It's just like like either do it or don't do it. But like the encouraging thing of like I don't know. I mean, there's obviously there's a reason as well, because they try to say, Oh, it's this toxic thing amongst men that they don't, you know, they'll get bagged out or they'll get ripped, like people call them pansies or girls if they cry. And you're like, okay. So crying does show a uh a form of weakness sometimes. Because like the the the people that cry the most is probably children, and they cry for a whole bunch of different things. Women on average cry, I think there's statistically, three to four times more than on average than males. So typically these traits are associated primarily with children, next women, and then men last. And so if you've got a guy that is crying all the time, then yeah, it probably does convey weakness because it's it's being assimilated to children more more more often than not, or to a more emotional person. Like women are so much more emotional in a good way. They're able to empathize way better than men, they're able to comfort way better than men, they're able to offer support in ways that men just don't have the capabilities, at least on average, on a on a large scale. So, yeah, it's one of those things where it's like it kind of does to a degree show weakness. Because it depends on how often it's happening, right? And it depends on why. Because they'll say it's okay, real men cry. And it's like, like, how often? How often are these real men crying? Is it every day? Because if it's every day, then is it like, what's the rule? Is it You know, can I cry if I get a paper cut or if I stub my toe? Should I start bawling my eyes out? Like, at what degree? Like this blanket thing of men, real men cry, and it's good to cry. It's kind of it's just like redundant. It's just a dumb thing because it's just it's this blanket thing. Because I can guarantee you, every man, woman, and child, if they saw a dude that was just crying every day, they wouldn't be like, you're still a real man. They'd be like, okay, there's obviously something seriously wrong here for one. And also, at what point, if it's a paper cut and they're crying, you're like, dude, yeah, yeah, man up. I would be super comfortable telling a guy to man up if uh they were crying over like tiny things, if they got the wrong order for their meal that they ordered and they cried, if they um if they dropped their bag and you know, some stuff fell out and they cried about it. I'm like, dude, okay, you need to actually pick yourself up by the bootstraps because that's that's pathetic. Um, we can't be afraid to call things out to for yeah, for what? It's not beneficial. It's not beneficial to men to just be like, yeah, just cry all the time, dude. Like you'll be you'll be sweet. Just pointless. Um yeah. So again, it's not it's not a lack of a talking problem. It's not even oftentimes a mental problem. It is some sort of problem that needs a solution. So yeah. Another thing that I noted a lot of the time if a man is crying or being maybe overly emotional, it it sends a signal that he's not in control. He's been overcome. So something has come upon them and they've been overcome, they've come undone. And like oftentimes, women will find that to be a very unattractive trait because they do want a man to be in control of himself and have a hold of his emotions. So you know it's not gonna go good for a dude to take the advice and be like, all right, I'm just gonna open up more, I'm gonna be super vulnerable all the time, I'm gonna cry, you know, over little things. It's just not gonna, it's just not good advice, it's bad advice, okay? Like, I I'm a big fan of like the man up movement. Like, you should just you should man up because a lot of guys actually respond really well to that. Being like, not being coddled and not being told, like, yeah, uh, you know, you don't have to take any responsibility for improving yourself. Like, I feel like at the end of the day, a lot of the advice in the mental health space is coming from women, and most of the advice is how to just be more like women, which is not gonna ever be a it's not gonna ever be good advice for guys because we're different, we're built different, we think different, we operate different. So I'm just saying, men aren't wrong for want for not wanting to talk about their genders. And to be honest, men are not great talkers anyway. Like, think about it. Who who is who are the better communicators? Like, who's known as being like bad at communicating and good at communicating? Like you, every couple relationship is I just wish he was a better communicator or like opened up more. Like, we're not good at it. Dudes are not we're not comfortable doing it. We don't like doing it for one, but we're also just genuinely not that good as a gender communicating those types of things, or even just communicating at all for the most part. I think the average vocabulary of a three-year-old girl is double the average vocabulary of a three-year-old boy. So, to put it, let me go through, okay. I'm gonna I'm just gonna hammer in on some of the differences between like why girls are just way better at communicating. So, first of all, girls almost never mumble. Girls speak so much clearer in general than guys. You never really hear a lot of girls talking slang. You will in some some areas, but you'll hear guys slang talk in every area, like where they'll drop the g. There's a lot of there are there are a lot like um how hey gone, like how you doing instead of doing, and like they'll just they'll they'll drop the g on so many words, or they'll say like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sadie, Sandy. Uh, girls will rarely speak in slang. A lot of girls slang talk in Tasmania, actually, but we won't talk about that. Um the tones, girls have up to five tones that they would use in communicating. Guys only have about three that they communicate with. And it's somewhere, this isn't the exact statistic, but it's somewhere in the direction of around 90% of all stutters. Could be maybe, I think I heard 94-ish percent of all stutters are male. So women barely get the a stutter, which is that's a that's wild. Women speak roughly on average, around 20,000 words per day. Guys speak about 8,000 words per day. This is like the obvious thing of when uh you ask a girl, how was your day? And she'll go, Yeah, it was good. I did this, I spoke to this person, and this happened. And you go, you go to the guy, how was your day? Yeah, it was alright. And that's kind of it. Like, even guys, when they speak about like, so after a footy game, and you're starting to see this a little bit more because with like female sports getting bigger, but after a game, they'll interview a guy and he'll and he just speaks all nonsense words. Like it any take any interview from after an AFL and NRL game, and whatever they say in that interview, you can post that over any game they played for the whole season. It's just as this kind of broad idea of what went down in the game. They're not even really thinking about what's happening, they're just locked in on the thing. But girls will tell you like everything that happened, like they'll give you a play-by-play of the entire game, which I think is pretty funny. Um, another wild statistic in Australia, the job of a speech pathologist, 97% are female. The global average is 95% female for speech pathologists. So, like, girls are just so much better at talking, like they're just they're good at it, guys aren't. So, yeah, if guys don't talk about their feelings, it's not only is it because they're probably not comfortable, it's also they're just not good at doing it, and so they're not gonna get the same results doing it as well. Girls are great at it. So there, so there's that. Okay. The next thing was oh, dude, these um, I was talking to my barber about this the other day. These things I've seen online a little bit are these like men's crying camps, basically. It's these camps that guys go to where they basically just yell affirmations loudly or just roar or scream, and they think something's happening. So they'll just be screaming like, I am enough, I am enough, all this sort of stuff. And look, if you've never been loved, if you've never received love, if you didn't have a loving family, it's it's a good truth to know that you're enough and that you are loved, all these sorts of things. But they feel like that that's going to then transfer and translate into like that is still another form of just talking to fix a deeper rooted issue and problem. That's like just screaming affirmations doesn't just all of a sudden fix a problem that you have. And then just crying doesn't just fix a problem. You get you're gonna probably feel better. Like they probably come away from these camps being like, man, I feel so good because they've cried, as if it's like, you know, this is years worth of tears that are stored up. It's kind of not how that works. Like, you me just crying about something that upset me a long time ago is just it's just like reopening a wound again that's like that might have healed. So like I can be like, geez, I haven't bled in a long time, but I have this scar here. I'm gonna open up this scar again and then it's gonna bleed. It's like, yeah, you can dig around in some old wounds and like try and relive them, and you'll probably cry if they're if they're painful enough. But and then you might feel better after it because of the endorphins and the chemicals that are released in the brain that's like, you know, after you've like you've done that process. But it isn't like I've just had this big cry, and then I'm now healed from something that happened when I was a kid. It's like your your whole identity needs to be okay with it. Like you have to have, it's not the action of a cry that is going to heal emotional trauma. Like you need, like, therapy's great. Therapy is amazing for the people that really need it, and for the people that maybe are believing some lies in their life, and they maybe don't believe that they're worthy, and they actually are, and they uh they have this, you know, a thought thing, but it's really dependent on what the thing is and what the problem is that they're facing. So, yeah, so these crying camps, dude, like men need to learn how to deal with problems effectively before the problem happens. Okay. So if you've spent most of your life playing video games or just being a party animal and going out drinking and sleeping around, and then you get hit with some real world problems, you are not equipped to be able to deal with those real world problems. So, what you have to do is do things to prepare yourself so when those issues come, they don't weigh so heavy. Last year, for example, I ran a 50-kilometer ultra marathon, but I didn't just wake up the morning of and just run the marathon. I trained for like six months leading up to it, where I did research. I looked at what kind of shoes you could wear. I went on heaps of different like test runs and ran at different paces and I ran at different lengths. And I figured out what potential things could go wrong on the run. Like, will I get like chafe or rash under my arms? Will I get blisters on my feet? Will am I gonna like how hungry am I gonna get? Because I'm gonna be running for like five hours. So all these sorts of things that I did in preparation for the hard thing. And if I didn't do all those things in the preparation, I wouldn't have gotten through the hard thing. And so you have to do difficult things on purpose in a in a form of training. I did a lot of different things in that particular year. I traveled over to Peru because it's a weird country by myself. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't know what that would feel like if I was ever like in a place, the foreign land, and I don't know anyone there, and I'm just kind of there. Place I know nothing about. I went skydiving because I hate heights. I'm always always afraid of heights. I'm like, what's the scariest thing for me? It's that. I even I asked someone out, a girl out for a coffee, wasn't even particularly that interested, but it was a scary thing to do. And so now I feel better equipped to do that in the future. So there's all these things that like you have to do. And if you avoid doing difficult things, like you're gonna get rocked when the things come because you can't expect to just go through life and have nothing wrong happen. Like have no trials, have not uh like everything's just gonna go smooth for me. So I don't need to worry about developing any kind of mental toughness. Like I'm just gonna, you know, assume that everything's gonna work out in my favor and it's all gonna be good in the end. I'm like, dude, it's just not reality. And and men love a challenge too. Men are like, men love being challenged. Men want to have a challenge and overcome it. And then when they do, they feel powerful because of it. Like every culture throughout all of history, pretty much up until now in the West, has had some kind of like rite of passage, or like, you know, you got to do this thing and then you'll become a man. Where, you know, they'll have uh uh, you know, the Isle of Pentecost, they have these boys that'll wrap vine around their feet and they jump off this huge tower head first, and uh as this sign of like becoming a man. It looks insane and incredibly dangerous, but they do it, and once they've done it, they're then welcomed into manhood. There's tribes where they'll they'll go out and they basically kidnap the kids between like maybe 14 to 16 or something, they take them away and they go lion hunting. And it's the type of thing where it's either you you either go and you come back or you don't come back. So that's probably a bit extreme, but there's they're the sorts of things that are happening. I mean, even like bar mitzvah is a thing that the uh the Jewish culture has to become a man. There's all these things we don't have it at all anymore. That's been obliterated, and it's actually gone the opposite way where we've created a new term called young adult, where it's like that never used to be a thing. It was kid, and then you're a man. And now we've created this young adult where it's been acceptable for people, like, oh yeah, they're only in their 20s, they're not really that old yet, so they can still do nothing with their life and sit around and you know, just waste time. And like, and we have no expectation on them in society. Whereas like, okay, good way to just push everything back. Like, there's these guys that are being that that you know, half of Australia has Peter Pan syndrome where no one actually wants to grow up. Jordan Peterson talks a lot about the uh the Peter Pan sort of fairy tale and kind of uh associates certain tropes in it because Peter Pan did not want to grow up, remember? He he even had opportunity, he was invited by Wendy to come in and live with the family. He's like, No, I can't, I can't, I have to stay in Neverland. He didn't, he was offered it. We could have he could have done it. And then he had um it got to the point where he would even forget towards the end of the story of Peter Pan, he forgets Tinkerbell. And Wendy's all grown up at this point, and she goes, How can you forget Tinkerbell? He goes, Oh, I've had so many fairies. And this is what it's like for for guys that watch online explicit content, because there's basically they're not developing a real authentic relationship with the with the human, and then they've got this imaginary thing. Fairies in the Peter Pan world, they only exist for as long as they're believed in. And so when Peter Pan is talking to Wendy, he's not connecting with her and doesn't understand that she wants to mature and grow up. He's not able to functionally have a human connection and relationship like an adult. So he has to have these relationships with these little fairies that come and go. Um yeah. There's a quote by an anthropologist named David Gilmour. And he puts it this way: he says, Real manhood differs from simple anatomical maleness, that it's not a natural condition that comes about spontaneously through biological maturation, but rather it is a precarious or artificial state that boys must win against powerful odds. I mean, come on now. Like that gets me fired up, just you know, we gotta win against these powerful odds. It isn't just this, it's not anatomical maleness. You're not a man just because you you look like one. Like being a like manhood is something that you come into, that you step into. It's not just afforded to you for free. Like it's something that you earn, it's something that you practice and you develop. You can grow a beard, you can go out chopping wood, wear a flanny, you can listen to heavy metal music or whatever, you can get in fights and drink beer, whatever the textbook like man things are, but you could be an absolute child. Yeah, none of those things. There's no performative masculinity. Performative masculinity is nothing, it's a waste of time. Men are typically risk takers by by nature. 94% of uh of workplace or occupational deaths are men. 94%. That's a huge number. Because men are naturally risk takers. It's uh it's a part of the male. There is a big part of the emotional intelligence versus something that I heard the other day called heroic intelligence. So women are typically raised and brought up to have quite high emotional intelligence. It's very valuable for females in relationships, in with each other, in with like families, with people, with people they don't know. Emotional intelligence is everything. Like a girl will see and they'll know, like female intuition is real. Like girls can sense the slightest, like there's a shift there. I don't know what it's like, they'll sh they'll see the slightest little energy shift and they'll see it. Guys are clueless. They won't, they they can barely see that. But guys have something called heroic intelligence. So this is something that um I feel like is really being stifled and called toxic. But it's the it's like the juice that men have that gets them fired up and going. This is why men will watch something like Hacksaw Ridge and love it, where it's a guy he goes in, he's like, you know, saving all these people. He's like, just one more. And he goes back onto the battleground and he pulls someone else in and he saves them and he goes, just one more, and he runs out again. He's like this heroic kind of tendency. It's how superhero movies were developed, or just superheroes in general, or why guys have sports heroes. Like there's this, there's the we we have this distinct kind of um affinity for heroism. I heard a statistic the other day called, oh geez, what was it? It was like a bravery award that they that they give in the US, specifically for risking your life for uh for like to save another. And it's somewhere around 93% of the time it's awarded to men. Yeah. So I'm not saying any of this to bash what's happening. Like in terms of men's mental health stuff, I'm obviously a man and have compassion for that. And for men that are struggling. There's some there's some reasons as to why. So, like, obviously, some solutions you could look at are things that actually would help. Like at the moment, we don't have um, people are saying there's no more male third spaces. So a third space, so spaces talks about, you know, your home is your first space, your work is your second space. A third space used to be places that men would go to hang out with friends and stuff. There's a bit of a male loneliness epidemic going on where men are struggling to have close male friendships. A lot of the time it's because men are just working too much or they're just doing time with family or whatever it is. But they're not hanging out with their friends as much. And some studies say that men should be hanging out with the boys two times a week. I mean, to be honest, I feel like that's heaps. Like that's probably too much. But uh yeah, I don't know how accurate that is. I mean, that's apparently what one of the studies says. But ultimately, I mean, everyone needs friendships. Girls are just way better at making friends. Like a girl, I've seen girls walk into groups and just be like become best friends with a whole friend group in like meet knowing them for an hour. They're awesome at that. Men are not that great. Um, some dudes are, obviously. But yeah, and I think as well, like, yeah, we we're tricking men. This is why, this is what bothers me about it all, is that we've sold men this idea that it's so hard for men, that life's so hard, and that the societal pressures are so much. And it's like we're all under the same societal pressure. There is no societal pressure, okay? Societal pressures are fake because we're all in the same society. To say, like, oh, or you know, there's all these societal pressures that we can't keep up with, we're all here. Like, either just don't fall into the like ignore the pressure or like push it away. Do you just be you like the if if there's a societal pressure, then it applies to everyone on on in the in the society. There isn't anyone that's exempt from it. And so if anyone can handle the societal pressure, then anyone else can handle the societal pressure, and if anyone can ignore the societal pressure, then other people can ignore it too. So, like, but to tell men that, like, you know, you need to be like this, you need to be like that, so hard for men, they're gonna believe you and they're gonna start thinking that it's so hard, and then they're gonna start talking like wanting to go to therapy for not crying, like the guys I was talking about earlier. Yeah, stop giving bad advice. I honestly I think it was it was this bad advice that created Andrew Tate to begin with. I think he came out of the woodwork because of things like this, because feminism went a little bit too far. It like it got some steam and it got like some good stuff happened out of out of the you know, first wave feminism. But then that has kept going, got to the point where it's like now all men need to be like women. And then you go, then Andrew Tate happens, and then a lot of guys gain get, you know, fall into it because they're like, well, he's actually saying things that is different to saying cry all the time and guys should wear heels and dresses. I'm sick of seeing dudes wearing dresses. It's the just yeah, just stop it. Let's stop giving bad advice, man. And if you're gonna donate, like, don't donate to places like Movember. Movember last year had somewhere in the realm of like$50 million just sitting in their bank doing nothing. Like they've got enough money. If you're gonna support, and they don't even, they're not even a charity themselves. They just put, they allocate the money to other charities. Like they allocated somewhere something in the realm of like three million dollars to a like a female charity. It's like it like that would be annoying if I donated to them and they're like, well, we're gonna donate that money to the women's charity. It's like there's already, there's way more women's charities and a lot more, they get a lot more funding because people have got a lot more compassion. If it's something like a domestic violence thing against women, that's like one of the things people would have the most compassion for and would want to give to the most because for good reason, obviously. But if someone's been like, okay, I feel like I really have a heart for men, and then you've go, okay, my Movember's giving money to female charities, you're like, okay, well, it's not really what I was wanting to do though. And they've they're super against like the hardworking stuff. Like they're Movember as a company are not really a big fan of, they're a fan of the talking side of it. They're like, we need to be talking, speak up and stuff. So I just don't think it's useful. And like, I don't know why they thought it would be a good idea to have a female CEO for the Movember Foundation. Like, I'm all for uh equality, but like I feel like it's just a touch untasteful almost. Because it's like, I remember there was a a church I was a part of that gave you options to volunteer at certain charities. But they would say you the men aren't allowed to volunteer at like women's shelters, for example. So we're like, yeah, fair enough. Because there might be, you know, they might get triggered or whatever for it. So it just kind of seems a little bit strange that you would be like, let's get a woman in charge of telling the men how that they should uh how we should deal with men's mental health. I mean, and by the way, it's not a shot against uh the ability. She might have, she might be the best person for the job, but it just seems a little bit distasteful. Like some of the best books I've read on men's issues in the world written by females. There's two books in particular that I know that I really, really love, both written by women. And because they're just talking about statistics and stuff. It's not really opinion-based stuff. But yeah, it just kind of seems strange to me that that that would go with that option. Just as like, like as the like I I wouldn't think it would be good for a man to be in charge of like a female, say, mental health thing. Like, I feel like it will it should be just for the appearance-wise of it and like the comfort of it of knowing that like, yeah, this person gets it. Like, a woman isn't going to understand the male like perspective on the mental health stuff in the same way a male isn't gonna understand the the woman's side of things because we're just not the same. Like, yeah, it seems a bit weird, but um, yeah, anyway, I've probably I might just wrap it up there because I've ranted quite a lot. And look, let me be clear. Again, I'm not against I'm not against crying, I'm not against you know, if the boys want to sit around in the circle and all hold hands and sing kumbaya, be my guest. There's nothing wrong with tucking the boys in, giving a little smooch on the forehead before bed, eh? I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm not saying you can't be giving smooches to the boys. I'm not saying you can't be giving forehead smooches to the boys, okay? We all love a little forehead smooch, a little, you know, tucking in, reading a bedtime story. Okay? We're men. Of course we like that. We're men. Of course we like forehead smooches. We're men. Of course we like getting tucked in. Hey, we're men. Of course we like interlocking fingers while we're holding hands and walking down the footpath and getting coffees together. We're men, you know? So I'm not saying that. I'm not trying to drag men through the dirt for doing things that they like, you know? Okay? We're men. So don't hear what I'm not saying. Okay? Not saying that. I'm just saying either cry or don't, but stop associating and attaching it to masculinity.

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Okay.

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So, yeah, alright. I'll um I'll finish it there. But thanks for listening. If you stuck around, thanks for listening. You're a real one, you're a G, and I love you. And I and I'm not gonna know if you say it back, but you will know if you say it back or not, and you'll have to live with it. So that just depends on the type of person you are. I've done my part. And if you wouldn't mind smashing that like button and absolutely obliterating that subscribe button and absolutely destroying to the finest bits of dust the the share button. So, like, subscribe, share, and leave a comment and let me know what you think. And remember, everything is trash that I said. Everything is a waste of time and it's trash because of this compared to this. Christ is king, Jesus loves you, and he's coming back soon. So goodbye.