One For The Girls | Ep 35

This week I unpack how the horror film " Obsession" sparks a real look at the gender disconnect in dating, and why men and women can experience the same relationship behaviours as totally different kinds of fear. I share blunt advice for single women on what many men actually screen for, what pushes us away fast, and how to improve your odds of finding and keeping a good long term partner. 
• the movie Obsession and the online argument about who it scares more 
• the difference between “obsessive partner” fear and “trapped without consent” fear 
• why misunderstanding each other fuels the gender war 
• stats on women, children, and how fast intentions change over time 
• why many men do not prioritise money, status, or “coolness” early on 
• how men weigh the cost of a relationship in time, stress, and peace 
• why being “hard to handle” reads as a red flag 
• the difference between attracting attention and keeping commitment 
• Hinge prompts that backfire, including credit card jokes and viral copy-paste lines 
• why modesty and discretion change the type of man you attract 
• why height demands annoy even tall men 
• why cooking, cleaning, and practical help still feel deeply desirable to many men 
• the hormone argument for waiting to sleep together and letting loyalty build 

Christ is King, Jesus loves you, and He's coming back soon!

Transcript

New Studio And Quick Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to episode 335 of the Ministry of Man pod. And guys, for those watching, you might notice something a little bit different. We've changed the studio. We've upgraded the studs. No more soundproofing. We got shelves. That's right. Shelves. And on the shelves, we got books. We got other things. Colognes. There is paraphernalia. There are items. There's a puzzle. There's two, there's two puzzles actually. So we got things now in the background, which is um there's a big step up in the in the world, especially in the podcasting world, because now there's more things to see. Um so that's exciting. That's good for me and good for those that like to watch. Um for the listeners, but nothing's really gonna change if you just listen to the audio. Um that's great. And I love you. But things are gonna continue business as usual for all of you lot. Now

Bali Return And Movie Night

SPEAKER_00 1:16

get down to business. I got back from Bali a couple days ago. My boy hits me up, he says, Big Zed. My nickname most I haven't mentioned this before, Zeddy. As you can actually For those watching, Zeddy, the big dog. Alright. So with that being Zed, my boy hits me up, he says, Big Zed, Uncle Zeddy, what you doing? Let's go, let's go hit a movie. I say, sure. Give me the time, give me the place, let's do it, go. He says, Obsession, 6 p.m. gives me the location, gives me the seat number he's booked. I book the seat next to Bro. So we go and see the new movie Obsession. Okay. Now, that was a fantastic movie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not a big fan of the horror genre, but that was incredible, that was amazing, it was so good. I had to watch it twice. I've seen it twice now, guys. It was so good. Now, I won't go into well, I'll go into a little bit, but there's a lot of discourse about it online that I've been seeing because obviously you watch a movie and Meta knows, and so they fill your algorithm with what you've just seen, obviously, because they're watching and they're listening, apparently. So I go and uh and I go on Instagram, I'm scrolling through, I'm seeing a bit of discourse, seeing some interesting discourse about the film, and it's a there's a little bit of a guy versus girl thing going on. Now, this is interesting to me because I've been talking about the gender war lately and all that sort of stuff. So I dig a little deeper. Now, apparently,

Is Obsession Scarier For Who

SPEAKER_00 3:10

there's a lot of guys that think that the this movie is scarier for guys than it is for girls, and there's a lot of girls that think the movie is scarier for girls than it is for guys. Let me explain where each is coming from. So, okay, but first of all, because this one this one is for the girls. I did an episode previously for the boys. This episode is gonna be one for the girls, for the sisters, okay? And I and I'll explain why in just a moment. But for now, I do want to say from the outset surely, surely, surely, surely, it must be scarier for the girls. That's what that's my take. But let me quickly explain what the guys are saying, and then I'll explain why I think the girls might have it for this one. Okay. So the guys are saying you don't the girls don't get it because they don't understand what an obsessive girlfriend is like, right? So now obviously, you know, there's the way that guys and girls operate is gonna be different. Like guys would probably not understand the domineering, controlling, scary boyfriend. Okay, so there's all that. But for this movie specifically, we're talking about there's the guys are saying this particular movie, the way that it's based, the girls aren't gonna be able to understand because of the obsessive nature that the girlfriend can have, right? Now, this is not actually that uncommon. A lot of the people in the cinema were laughing, guys and girls, because they they can relate to a lot of the this stuff. Like for the first half of the movie, it's kind of it is kind of funny because some of the things that the girl is doing and saying, and I literally said this to my mate after the movie, I was like, bro, my ex said the first half of the dialogue from the main girl, like she'd said most of that dialogue verbatim to me. Like it was just um now. I will put a little bit of a spoiler alert, so skip forward and maybe five minutes um if you don't want to talk about obsession or hear about obsession.

Obsessive Girlfriend Quotes And Patterns

SPEAKER_00 5:17

I mean, I'm not gonna spoil the plot of the movie or anything like that, but I'm just gonna quote some of the things that are said, and like a lot, some of the most of these quotes as well are also in the trailer, so it's not gonna be like big spoiler spoiler. Now, some of the things that and I'm and like I'll quote what they said in the movie, the things that my ex said to me verbatim, okay. One of the things is like, like, I feel like you don't love me as much as I love you, I feel like it's not mutual, that kind of thing. There was a boys' night, he was gonna go to a boys' now, and she was like, Oh, cool, like I'll come to. Um, so that that happened a number of times that was suggested. Now, obviously, in my situation, when that response is met with a distasteful look or like a confused look, then it's kind of like, Oh no, yeah, I was just joking. But really, it was a testing the waters to see, like, yeah, yeah, sure, you should come. Uh, why don't you love me? That was said in a yelling voice, and that's I again verbatim yelling, why don't you love me? Making people at a small gathering feel uncomfortable with PDAs. Uh, the fact that the the girl changes and becomes more obsessive and is like different over time. So, in the beginning, is one way there's this part in the movie where he's like, Oh, it was so good, like it was so good, and then like what happened? And it was like the trajectory of like the relationship of becoming more and more obsessive and then changing and starting to do like weird things, and he's like, This is not what it was like before, and like now this is getting crazy, and oh okay. Now this I'm going okay, this is the scariest thing that's ever happened in my life. So, as far as like um not like feeling the most fear, but like the like the biggest jump scare, I guess you could say, that like rocked me to my absolute core. So this

The Real Life Jump Scare Story

SPEAKER_00 7:21

happened, this is a real thing that happened to me. This didn't happen in the movie as such, but it was just it kind of reminded me of it because it was so scary. So I was staying at my ex's place, and because we're uh like uh it's a Christian relationship, so we don't share a bed. I was sleeping in the lounge room, I was sleeping in a mattress in the lounge room, right? And my ex would go to sleep super quick. So you'd say goodnight, like go in, we would pray, say goodnight, and normally when that would happen, she'd be asleep within minutes, typically, actually, like while the prayer was going on, she'd already be asleep, right? I go out to the lounge room, jump in the mat, like jump in the mattress, jump in bed, and I'm couldn't sleep. So I reckon between 20 to 30 minutes, I was just laying there, like eyes shut, but kind of like opening my eyes, and just like could not sleep, right? So I'm just staring at the ceiling, and in my head, like that the house is just dead silent. I'm staring at the ceiling, and I close my eyes for maybe 15 seconds, not long, like really, really quick. Close my eyes, and then I kind of have a sense, but like I don't know what it was, but I was like, man, I'm feeling like a weird, eerie chill, and so I open my eyes, and the girl is standing like is literally I would say 10 centimeters from my face, just staring at me in a crouched position, like crouching over me, and I because it's dark, it's like pitch black, and I just see this face, and I'm assuming that she's been asleep for half an hour, and so I like the sheer absolute panic that rushed through my body as I thought that this face was some sort of demonic figure because I could barely see the face. It was it was so dark, even though it was it was super close to me, but like all of the things kind of I'd only shut my eyes for a couple of seconds. That's the other thing. I'd only just shut my eyes for a few seconds, opened them again, and then there's a face right there, and it just I like felt like I jumped out of my skin. That was single-handedly the most like scared I've ever been from a single moment. Oh, and um anyway, so there's just a couple of things, okay. Now, mind you, a lot of the things that I've just mentioned is kind of like being laughed at when these things happen in the movie, they're kind of being laughed at, yes, it's scary, and yes, it's eerie and kind of uncanny because it's like it's just weird. A lot of guys have experienced that that kind of obsessiveness, right? So, but here's the the thing is that that that might be true that the the degree to which the obsession like I don't you don't the stories that you hear girls telling about obsessive guys kind of just looks differently to that. I mean, maybe there are some like simp guys that but like it's kind of the just it's looked at upon as a little bit more pathetic when guys behave like that. It's not um doesn't really seem crazy, it just seems pathetic and sad if a guy is like, Why don't you love me? Like, you know, that kind of stuff. So anyway, what the girls are saying is,

Why Women Read The Horror Differently

SPEAKER_00 11:03

in my opinion, a far better case for why it's worse for the like the main character of the guy is named Bear. And isn't it kind of funny? I heard someone say, I wonder if that's a nod to the like man versus Bear. Uh because Bear is absolutely the bad guy. Like he's the bad, he's the villain of the movie. Like, really, even though he's not the one doing the bad things, he is holding the like Nikki, the girl, holding her hostage. He's like he's basically uh like doesn't give she does he doesn't get her consent, and she's basically trapped in this body, and to so trapped, and it's so bad for her to the point that she wants to die. She tries to kill herself a number of times throughout the film. She asks Bear to kill her, and then you see like that's like one of the craziest bits is that he was like did not really care and was like, Oh, what's so wrong with being with me? And just kind of like walks out and she's like begging him to kill her, and he's like just doesn't really care. So that's when you know that he's definitely the bad guy. Um, I mean, it was already, I guess it maybe in the start, you didn't really think he was the bad guy so much because he was kind of doubting the wish a little bit. He didn't really know, he also didn't think it was gonna work to begin with, and it kind of just worked. No one, no one would expect it to work, obviously. But through as it goes on, you're like, okay, yeah, no, this dude's this dude's bad. And so obviously, like girls looking at this are gonna be like, no, that's the real fear is being trapped by a guy uh without your consent, and basically he's being kidnapped, basically being kidnapped, and so there's a lot to say about that side of it, but the the biggest noticeable thing is just the the sheer disconnect between guys and girls. Once again, it's just like the girls aren't understanding the guys, and the guys are not understanding the girls. It's probably like you know, the scale of the misunderstanding, it probably is worse that the guys aren't understanding like I don't know how many guys really think this. I mean, I saw one post and one argument thread or whatever, but there's a lot of you know, there was like a couple hundred thousand people interacting with us, so it seemed like it was popping off. So, anyway, big disconnect, and so this one I want to do, I want to try and bridge the gap a little bit, even though this one is that what prompted this was a misunderstanding.

Bridging The Gender Gap In Dating

SPEAKER_00 13:37

The guys probably misunderstand the girls a little bit more than the girls were misunderstanding the guys. Either way, I want to try and bridge the gap a little bit, and just because I am a guy, like I can't, I can only go so far with like bridging that gap. So I'm going to talk about things that I think a lot of girls don't realise about guys. Um, and if they do, if the things that I say they are things that girls do realize and they just don't care, then good for you, like do your thing. Uh, but this will be for those that don't know. So, um, and it's gonna be primarily in the realm of like dating and probably more targeted at single ladies, single ladies, and uh, but I mean anyone can get anything out of it, even guys will learn probably more about themselves as well, because a lot of guys don't know how to maybe haven't put so much thought into this sort of thing. So, but I put I put a lot of thought into everything, even well, anything that I find remotely interesting, then I I try to put a lot of thought into

Stats On Kids And Changing Plans

SPEAKER_00 14:41

it. Now, specifically in terms of dating, I want to just kick off with a few statistics because I find this to be very interesting. Chris Williamson has mentioned this a number of times on his podcast, quoting a study that 80% of women that don't have children didn't intend to not have children. So there was 10% that were physically incapable of having children, there were 10% that didn't want children, which leaves a massive four out of five childless women that want children but were unable to find a way to have them. So whether that be just different life circumstances, like leaving it too late to actually find a partner, or just can't find the right person, or just maybe they did find the right person, but they weren't able to keep the right person or remain in the relationship. So these are some of the things uh that have caused it. I've also I also read today that 40% of women in their 20s don't plan on having children. So this is the the current, so let's say 2026, uh, or at least within the last year or so, the study was 40% of women in their 20s don't plan on having children, which is which is crazy because that the that has jumped up astronomically from history, and I'll show you some more in a moment. 57% of women in their 30s don't expect to have any children, and 90% of women in their 40s don't expect to have any children. Now, there was a study done in 2015, this is huge, right? A study done that found 86% of women aged between 15 to 24 hoped to have children. So back in 2015, 86%, so you you would say the large majority of women age 15 to 24 hope to have children. Now do the math, fast forward a decade, it's been just over a decade since then. Now that group is in the group of the 20s and the 30s that don't expect to have children or don't want children anymore, or are not able to, or at least don't expect to have them. So a lot's changed, a lot's changed in the last like 10 years, which is not a long time. Now, here's the thing although you can technically acquire a child through certain means of surrogacy and adoption, and you know, other there's means to get children, the typical way and the most desired way is to have a your own child with another man, and so that's the extreme preferred course of action. So that's why I want to help, specifically in the realm of single ladies, single ladies, um because ladies because um because I want to help the chicks, bro. Obviously, I want to help the lads and the boys, boys, boys, boys, but I also want to help the sisters too. Because here's the thing I love chicks, dude. And I don't even and I don't mean that in the romantic sense, like I obviously do in that sense, but like when I'm saying that now, I mean the feminine is awesome, like the feminine stuff I love not for myself, but I love for them. I love that they have their feminine thing and that they love it. Like when you hear chicks be like, um, like how much they love being a girl and like doing the girly stuff, and you're like, yeah, girl, talk the talk. They have their own lingo and stuff now, like they say things like um like go off, or like it's giving this or that. And like sometimes that is annoying, and honestly, I did I I watched an episode of um Love Island two years ago, and I'm not even joking. I don't know if I heard a girl say what they were thinking without it first beginning with it's giving this. They must just like across the episode, I think it was said like between 40 to 50 times across all the girls. It was just like so I can sometimes it can go a little bit far. But the fact that they have their own things going on, it's cool, it's awesome. When they do the when they do things like that, I don't know, you know, when they they have their little movements that they do, so it's cool, man. When they hype each other up on photos and posts and stuff, sometimes it is a little bit toxic, but they don't care. They're like, Oh, I would uh your photo is so good, it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Light me on fire, you are insanely

What Many Women Think Men Want

SPEAKER_00 19:30

gorgeous. It's funny as, bro. So that's why I want to help my sisters because I know some girls just do not know anything about guys, some girls are so disconnected from like what they think guys like, and it's very strange. And so if you want to broaden the scope of potentially interested guys for yourself, you're gonna wanna listen to old Uncle Zeddy, alright? You're gonna wanna listen to old Uncle Zed. And um a big one of the big things, because like when I say that some girls are just really disconnected, it's obviously not all girls. This is like this is a broad stroked podcast episode, okay? Some girls know exactly what they're doing, some girls know guys better than guys know guys. So I'm just this is just for the ladies that need a little bit of help. That's the target audience, all right? Because one of the things that reminded me of this, right, was this girl who I've mentioned this before as well. She was posted like this Instagram reel saying how all her friends always tell her, I don't know how you're still single. So she's saying it. She's saying, like, oh, all my friends say, like, you know, I don't know how you're still single, and all this. And and she lists off all the reasons that they say, and so she's like, you know, oh, you're so active and you're so sporty and you're also really cool, and you make your own money, and you're independent, like, you know, you you don't whatever. And then right at the end, she was like, and you can be a girl too. And then all the comments were from guys saying, Hey, just letting you know, like, all of that stuff, like, majority of guys just don't care about that. They like just the one thing at the end, you just being a girl. Like, that's it's kind of it. And I I kid you not, like, she took all of it as if like they were attacking it. She was like, Oh, yeah, nice one. Oh, I've heard that before. And like, guys, I'm not I'm not saying like guys don't care about that to set to knock you down, take you down a peg. I'm saying, like, you seem to think that guys like that stuff, and so it's confusing as to why you're single, but we're telling you, as guys, that's a back that's background information. Like, we don't we that's not what we're looking for. So what guys aren't looking at a girl and go, man, she's so cool and she's so active and she makes heaps of money. So net that makes me more attracted to her. Like that's not that's not even that doesn't even remotely cross the mind. Like that might come later, but it's definitely not on the forefront of what guys are thinking when they're looking for a potential partner. So but yeah, she just she could not wrap her head around the fact that like these guys were just trying to give an honest opinion and like honest advice, and she was like, Oh yeah, good one, yeah, nice. So she just didn't know, she just doesn't get it, she doesn't know, she's disconnected from the male brain and what male is like. So this is the type of thing that would help a girl like that, I suppose. This is this is the she should listen to this. Anyway, when a guy is deciding whether or not to pursue, he is he's weighing everything up because obviously guys want to pursue the girl, girls can pursue guys too, but primarily guys will pursue a girl if he

Peace Over Chaos And Hidden Costs

SPEAKER_00 23:00

is interested. But also, if he's got his life together, he's going to look at how much the relationship is going to cost him, and I don't just mean financially, but there's definitely that definitely comes into play in some point. Like a guy will be like, Man, I don't even know if I could afford to be with a girl like that. That's definitely like that is a thing that crosses minds. But essentially, it's like, how much is this gonna cost in terms of is this like a really, really busy person that I'm going to it's gonna cost a lot in my life, like it's gonna cost a lot in my time. How much how much time of an investment there is because some girls are really in like independent and they got their own things going on, they like to spend a bit of time or whatever. But some girls, it's like they have nothing else going on and they just want to be joined at the hip with you. And if you're a guy that's focused on their goals and work and and they actually have their life together, that's gonna be really, really hard for a guy to want to invest in that. So everything kind of takes a back seat as far as like what guys are looking for to peace and quiet, which is like kind of funny to say, but it's more, I suppose, peace. I mean, uh like a peaceful life, like they don't want to have a chaotic life. Some girls will say things like, Oh, like he wants, like, yeah, I'm a bit of a challenge, I'm hard to handle. And it's like that's not like immediately that's a red flag. Like a girl that's like, yeah, I know I'm a lot, I'm hard to handle. It's just bad. It's just like not, it's not something to brag about, at least. Like, if that is the case, you like you should either be working on not being hard to handle, because that's going to broaden your options, right? Like, if you want to stay as you are, if you don't want to change anything about yourself, then like you don't need to listen to this. But the issue is that there is just so many single girls that want to have children and they're they're not having them. A lot of them are not having them, like, not for their own decisions either. So that's the thing, is like it's one of the most toxic things that like girls seem to that I've noticed they just kind of keep affirming each other that that they're good where they're at. And it's like, like, may, I don't know, like maybe that's good for them, but it seems like for guys at least, we don't want to be told that. Like, we like we we want to be better, we want to better ourselves, and it's I don't know why you wouldn't want to better yourself. Like, I don't want to be told you're good where you're at if I don't have the things that I have that I want. If like there's no point saying you're good where you're at if I'm like, yeah, but where I'm at, I don't have the things that I want. And so what do I need to do to get the things that I want? Often that'll involve changing in some way or bettering yourself in some way. And so when you have these lonely girls or single girls or girls without children, they want children, just telling them you're good the way you are, that isn't gonna get them the things that they want to get. Like, yeah, you can say, hey, you you should feel okay about where you are, you shouldn't feel any shame in that. Yeah, great. Don't feel shame in it and be perfectly fine where you're at, but also why would you want to stay the same as you are if like you staying the same as you are is gonna get you the same results. If you want different results, don't stay the same as you are, change something. That's basically what I'm what I'm saying here. So, and what like I'm going to be continuing to say throughout this episode, yeah. So if if a guy can see that a relationship with you comes with a sea of other potential things as well, he's either gonna stay away or there's a good chance that it just won't last. I know in my own experience, like there had there was times in previous relationships where I was just getting dragged around to event after event after event. There was a wedding, there was a birthday, there was an engagement party, there was a baby shower, there was some sort of weekend getaway thing. It was like, oh my gosh, I don't have a life outside of going to your events. So that's too much for me. Like I've got I actually have work to do, I actually have things to do. I want to grow and progress and do things. And I'm like literally every other weekend going away somewhere for something. So it's like it's just it's too busy, it's too much. Uh and look, it's fine, you can live that busy life as long as you're not putting expectations on the guy that he has to go to all of them with you as well. By the way, it's not like you have to like not go to these things, you can, but if you start like making your guy feel bad for like not coming to these events and stuff, then that's gonna be too much, and that that relationship probably won't last, or your guy is just not gonna have time to build, like he's just gonna be your little lap dog, and if that's what you want, that's fine. Uh, but if you want a man that you know actually leads and works and is you know masculine in some way, then uh that's not a good direction to go.

Keeping A Relationship And Red Flags

SPEAKER_00 27:55

So, because people need to understand what a lot of girls need to understand is that it's one thing to not be able to get into a relationship, it's a whole nother thing to not be able to hold on to one. You I'm like there are so many girls and guys as well, by the way, that think just because they can attract a lot of people that they're sweet, that like they're always gonna have someone, but it's like it doesn't really matter if you can't keep a hold of them. So, like I know a guy, for example, he's been in seven or eight serious long-term relationships. He's in his mid-30s now, and he he's been broken up with by all of them, but he just cannot keep a partner long-term because he's well, in my opinion, he's probably insufferable to be around and is refusing to change. Like, the what's the common denominator here? Like seven or eight women break up with you in long-term relationships? What's obvious what's there's something wrong with you, dude. You gotta change. And the thing is as well, on top of that, if you are a picky girl or a picky person, you might find the right guy, the right person for you, but is he going to want you back? And if he does want you back, is he gonna want to stay long term, put a ring on it? Because at the end of the day, a relationship's either gonna end in a marriage or a breakup. So you you just want to be making sure that, or like not diluting yourself to think, and I say that in the kindest way possible, not deluding yourself into thinking that just because you can attract uh male attention that they're gonna want to stay long term because there's there's just too many times that that's just not happened. Like, how many times is that have do you hear about that? Like a guy gets with the girl and then he's just not interested anymore. So, and I'll there's actually some science behind that as well, which I'll explain later, but Proverbs puts it this way A wife's quarrelling is a continual dripping of rain. Proverbs 19 13. It's basically saying it's torturous. It says it's better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. Proverbs 21-19. It says better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house share with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25 24. Proverbs is going at it, bro. But if you're quarrelsome, men will notice and they will not vibe. They will not vibrate. Vibe is sh is short for vibrate. People don't know that. Good vibes, good vibrations, okay? I'm living off good vibrations. Now, I this is the thing. I genuinely do factor in who I potentially go for if I see them being quarrelsome or being I don't know, dude, just like having that kind of mentality, I suppose. I swear, if I see one more video of a girl getting in between two guys fighting, I'm going to lose my mind. I saw a guy get knocked unconscious because his girl held his arm down in the middle of a fight, and the guy swung and cleaned him up. He went out. The girl was trying to stop the fight of her own man, grabs his arm when he's got his arms up like in the middle of a fight. Girl grabs his arm, pulls it down, the guy gets cleaned up, knocked out. Bro, I would end that's enough to end the relationship for me. If my girl did that, done. Done. I've seen too many girls get aggressive and fuel fire and confrontations. It is it is one of the biggest like red flags. Not only is it unseemly and just not respectable, it's just like bogan kind of ratty behavior. Like, I don't know, girls getting in fights and just like screaming. Like everyone knows that when fights happen and a girl starts screaming. It's like that is doing nothing. It's just it's making it worse, it's making everything way more chaotic. Don't scream when a fight's happening. Just let the guys just sort it out. Like, that's just that's the plan. It's you're not gonna help. You're only gonna make it worse if you try to help. So just don't that's best advice, actually. That's probably one number one advice. Don't try to get in the middle of it. You can try and de-escalate. It's not talking about that. Like, you it's fine to try and de-escalate, just don't get in the way, don't get in the middle. If it's on, it's on. There's nothing you can do to stop it. You're only gonna make it worse. So, anyway, man, it it does remind me there was this one girl posting on online about how she noticed how there was like all these like she noticed all these quiet girls that are like all nice and neat and put together and all like you know, prim and proper. Like they always seem to get picked and like they're all with a man, and she's like, I am the opposite of that, like I'm tanky, and she like flexes in the thing, she's got tattoos and nose bull ring thing in her nose, and she's like, I just didn't realize like that's probably why I'm single, and it's like, Well, yeah, I mean, you that's a lot of masculine things, like you literally, she was like a pretty girl, but she had so many masculine tendencies or like traits about her. So, I don't even know where that came from. I mean, maybe some guys like that. I mean, here's the thing as well it's like there's obviously going to be a girl that is goes against everything that I'm saying and gets a guy. What I'm saying is that there are some universals among guys that the majority of guys might like that it's just gonna increase your chances, I suppose. So we're we're talking numbers here, it's a numbers game, it's gonna broaden the horizons.

Hinge Prompts That Backfire Fast

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Now, I'm gonna talk about hinge for a minute. I recently just got hinge, and I am honestly astounded by what some girls think that guys like. It's it honestly looks like they're making some of these girls are making profiles to impress their friends, not to actually get a guy. Now I know that there's guys that do this too. I've seen the memes about the guys holding up the fish thing and the you know, whatever else they're doing. And maybe maybe a girl should make a podcast about you know telling guys what their guys are doing wrong in their hinge profiles, but for me, I don't see the guys' profiles. So I see the girls' profiles, and this is just my take on why I think some of them are so insanely dumb. And I don't like it's almost like some of them are such a deterrent, some of them is like, oh wow, this girl's beautiful. Oh, okay. With that being said, no way would I match like try and match with this girl. So, first of all, if you haven't used Hinge or you don't know what it is, there's this thing called prompts. Prompts are like little either questions or statements that you can write into that just shows a little bit more about your personality or about like who you are. So it might say something like green flags I look for. And then if you pick that one, then you can type in some green flags you look for. Or it might say the perfect Sunday to me is, and then you write out what you do, or you know, we're the same type of weird if you dot dot dot, whatever. Now, the amount of girls that I'll see put something in there about wanting a guy's credit card number is astronomically high. Like, obviously, they're either saying it as a joke or they're saying it seriously, right? In both scenarios, guys are going to look at that, like if they're a decent guy, and just and not want to match with you at all. Like, okay, well, obviously you're a gold digger. Like, that's like the number one thing guys are afraid of is like a gold digger. Now, obviously, if the guy's looking for something short term and he's like, oh, I can impress a girl with my money, then that's fine. And like, you know, if your if your goal is to get a guy that doesn't want to know you as a person, then great, do that. Like, just put the stuff about the credit cards in because that's uh he's gonna flash his money, and but he's not really gonna care about you, he's just just cares about getting with you. So that's one thing. Another one that just like is kind of annoying is uh girls will pick the prompt that says first rounds on me if dot dot dot, and then there's like hundreds of girls that put I would never say this. It's like okay, well just don't put don't use that as your prompt, then who cares if you would never say yeah, cool first rounds on on the guy. Yeah, that's the like most guys are already up to speed on this, by the way. There's a few guys that's like oh quality 50-50, whatever. But most genuine guys, you don't need to say that, and also it just makes you look like you're you're just the same as like every other girl, and like you've read that on a screenshot somewhere because it's very like the there's literally hundreds of girls with the same prompt. I would never say this. It's like what kind of group chat was this posted into? It was like, I don't know, some girls' page on Instagram that everyone's seen. And for that matter, actually, this one is even significantly worse. And this is the like every anytime I've seen, I've never matched with a girl that's ever said this once. I've swiped away from them every single time, and it's so many girls have it. It says, like my greatest skill, and it will be like fostering men until they find their forever home. How do you not understand that that sounds like you've just been used by a lot of guys? That's that's how it comes across. It comes across as like, yeah, heaps of guys have got with me, and uh, but they never wanted to stay with me. That doesn't make you look like an appealing girl, it makes you look like you're like a lot of guys are not actually interested in you long term and they just wanna fling and then go. It's not it's not flattering, it's very unflattering. So I don't understand why girls put that in this. If you're a girl, stop putting in the prompt fostering men until they find their forever homes. It's terrible. Look, um, I don't know what you think guys are gonna think of that. Like, maybe you think that they they think it's funny, I'm not sure. But I just it's surprising how many girls have it too. It's another one that's like, where have you have did you see this screenshotted somewhere and you're like, yeah, that's a great one? Because it's viral, it's viral on hinge, so many girls have it, and it's just awful, it's very, very bad. Anyway, next one super revealing photos. Now, this is an obvious one, but it's like what you win someone with, you win them to. If your goal, again, like this is probably a better analogy to use it for, but if your goal is that you want to get a guy to know you, or like if your goal is to get a guy that doesn't want to know you as a person, then yeah, use your body to attract the guy because he's gonna see the body, he's gonna be attracted to the body. So he you've won him there with the body, you've won him to you with the the physical stuff, like the body, and so that's why he's interested, is for that. Like if you sexualize yourself, then the guy is gonna be sexually interested, and that's kind of all he's there for. Now, if that's not your goal, if you do want him to get to know you uh and know your personality a bit more, modesty is the best policy. Proverbs 11 22 says, like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. A little bit of discretion goes a long way. And I will tell you this, I have swiped away from so many girls purely because I feel like I could never show up in the world with a guy that's wife dresses like that. And here's the thing even if I swipe to potentially match, and I do match, and then I I look and I'm like, oh yeah, but I won't talk to them though, because really what I'm thinking, I think I just swiped that out of like an impulse or like immediate attraction. But when you have a moment to think about it, you're like, yeah, nah. So like these girls probably get like so many matches, like thousands of matches, or however, I don't know how many, probably that. But like I think a lot of guys that are looking for something serious and long term, they aren't they aren't gonna match with that. Oh at least not gonna they're not gonna take it far. They're they'll they

Modesty Height Filters And Public Respect

SPEAKER_00 41:00

would have bad intentions, I am I'm guessing. And I genuinely think this as well. Like, so my dad has Instagram. If I think that it would be inappropriate, weird, or awkward if my dad saw your Instagram, if I had that thing, if if if I felt that way, if I looked at your Instagram, I'm like, man, it would be weird if my dad even just saw this, then I'm not matching. I'm not matching, not I'm not even if it's like outside of hinge, like just in general life. I just meet a girl and like see her Instagram, like oh bro, there's just no way. Like, and I'm not alone in that either. Like, that is a genuine concern. No one wants to have their dad looking at some girl's Instagram that's like just half-naked photos, it's crazy, it's absolutely crazy. So, again, do what you want, but you're single and you're on a dating app, so you're you're obviously looking for someone, and what you're doing isn't working, so maybe take some advice saying anything about a guy's height. So here's the thing unless you're six foot or five's eleven as a girl, you shouldn't be saying anything about height, like, because there are guys that are like six foot plus, right? And they'll see a girl say six foot plus only, and they'll get annoyed and be like, nah, not you, because you just like you're just doing yourself a disservice. It's the same, think about this. If a guy was to put on his hinge profile something like no fat chicks, even if you're not like if you're a thin girl, you're gonna see that, and you're gonna go, this guy is an awful guy, he's a douchebag. Like the guys think the same way in that regard. If they if they're looking at like, well, not every guy, but a lot of guys will look at that and be like, you know, don't match, don't swipe unless you're above six foot, they'll look at that. They could be six four, and I don't know, all of the like the best dude ever, and they'll look at that and go, no, that's annoying that she said that. So here's what guys actually like you to present him well publicly. So when you think about it, guys have this huge, innate competitive nature. They always want to like break a record or know who can climb the biggest mountain, who's the strongest, who's the fastest, who's the smartest, like all the things. Proverbs 12 4 says, An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. So you are like, you're the jewel. You're you are the thing that brings you're the glory of the man. The man's wife is is his glory almost. It's like that's the what you're presenting to the world. And men are very like envious of things like that. If you like men want to get a girl that makes other guys envious of them in some like they won't often admit that, like obviously, that's not the priority again, like it's not like the main thing they're looking for, but that's a thing that will keep them wanting to stay in that. They're like, man, this. Girls so good, like I could never let her go. Like a social kind of proofing, a social proofing, or like something that that brings you into good social standing. I mean, this is one of the things that if you've ever read the book of Ruth, Boaz needed to make sure that Ruth was in good standing socially, and that was one of the reasons that he picked her. Like Boaz was you know this incredibly like rich, successful guy. I suppose you know he was the boss of a lot of farmland, and I haven't read it in quite some time. But one of the things that he really looked for in Ruth, and I should probably do a full breakdown of that because I love that book, but it was you know her social standing, and so he he found her to be that she would be good for him in a like you know, she's been social proofed, she's passed the social testings, I guess, which is an important thing for guys, like they're they're outward focus, like this is the whole man in the arena thing. I'm gonna do okay, I'll do one, I'll do a pod maybe next week. That'll be a fun one to do. On yeah, okay. I got an idea for next week. So anyway, so that's one thing. Obviously, like beauty is an important thing. I'll speak about that. I'm getting I need I need to get this done. But I'm not talking about beauty, like I'm I'm honestly I'm talking about like whether you're bringing peace, whether you're bringing companionship, the to be fair, the

Why Domestic Skills Still Matter

SPEAKER_00 45:30

most controversial things are actually the also the most desirable things. So like it makes you wonder like, how do you think, or why do you think the stereotypes of like cooking and cleaning were given to women to begin with? Is because those were the things that guys were looking for that they wanted them the most. This is literally like you look at old, you know, period piece movies and stuff, and you and you just know it just through history. The mothers would prepare their daughters to for these things to know how to sew, to know how to cook and do all this stuff. Because they're like, we need to get you into a good family, like, and you we need you to be picked by like the good husbands, basically. So, like those traits were very, very desirable traits. Men shot themselves in the foot. I I will never not forgive men for this. Um, oh sorry, I will never forgive men for this for making the term make me a sandwich, a derogatory term to women. Because, like, bro, do you like what it why would you do that? Why would you make that an insult? Like the men, the men had it, bro. They had it. The girls were happy with that deal. They were like, you make the money and we get to just cook you food. Dude, that is so easy. We'll do that. And the men have to go off to work. By the way, here's a little side note that I noticed is that like the curse in in Genesis, there's a curse in Genesis on on men and women, right? One of the curse for men is that you have to work from the sweat of your brow. You're gonna have to play out the fields, you have to work and labor for the rest of your lives, basically, right? And women's curse was your desire will be to control your husband, basically. Your desire will be to be over men, explains a lot of the feminist movements, right? But somewhere along the way, I think because of that, they like looked at men and they were like, Well, no, we want to work too. And it was like, We it's our curse to work. What do you mean you want to work? James Isaac Vance says that women traded their privileges for rights, and I was like, that's a that's an interesting way to put it, but nevertheless, those things, like the cooking, the cleaning, that sort of stuff, that goes such a long way. Like if a girl makes me food, bro, it's done. It's done. We're it's on. If she does my washing to wife immediately, immediately wife. Like that is what that like like that that's just how how that is because God knows I can't cook, and I suck at cleaning, and I suck at keeping up to date with my laundry, and if someone came into my life that can handle that stuff and I'm free to just work, bro. Man, you really don't know how easy it is to keep a guy around, like the this sort of stuff. I I mean, I think it's yeah, it's obvious, but anyway, obviously, like in terms of moving on to like beauty, as I mentioned before, it's like it's not it's an important thing for guys are very visual, so it does matter, but just know like you you can only be as attractive as you can be, but you should be as attractive as you can be. So this goes for guys and girls, everyone should be in the gym, everyone should be like clean eating or at least exercising, like you don't have to be the fittest person. Oftentimes, like girls that are incredibly fit is like not good, they're like too veiny or skinny or manly or whatever. Um and also like it is kind of annoying if that's their if your goal and your priority is just nothing but training, like it's kind of annoying, but just be healthy, like that helps, and it goes such a long way, and like all the other stuff as well, like obviously all the beauty stuff, like the tan and the well, all the stuff that girls do, it all helps at the end of the day. Yeah, it all helps, it all helps. So now this one, oh okay, I'm gonna wrap it up

Hormones And Why Waiting Works

SPEAKER_00 49:33

with this. Alright, this is about the hormones. Now, if you want to keep a guy around, now obviously Christians should already do this, even though half the Christians I know don't do this. But don't, if you're a girl, don't sleep with the guy. If you want to keep the guy around, don't sleep with him. Plain and simple. And I'll tell you why. So again, Christians should already be waiting till marriage. Most of them don't, or at least a half of them don't, the ones that I know. But if you're a non-Christian, you're listening to this, especially if you're a girl and you want to keep the guy around, don't sleep with him. There is a chemical that is only produced in men called vasopressin. I mentioned this one of the first podcasts I did. It's triggered in men when they work as a team to solve challenges, when they overcome adversity, uh, if they're gonna protect their allies, like with these sorts of things, it develops this hormone called vasopressin. And it develops with women when they spend a lot of time together, but it doesn't develop if they sleep with the girl straight away. So women will bond with men when they sleep together through the what's called the love chemical or the love hormone, which is oxytocin. Now, men produce oxytocin too, but because of their high levels of testosterone, it actually suppresses that. So they don't really notice it. So women will develop the love hormone when they sleep with a guy, but because of the guy's high T, he doesn't develop it in the same way. So he does it doesn't connect like that. They only really will stay loyal, typically or hormonally, if they build up and produce vasopressin, which happens over time. The more time spent together, the more protective they become over you, the more that that will start to develop and they'll stay more loyal to you. Then you become an ally, then you become something that they're like imprinting on in some way. So if you want to keep your man, wait a long time, probably in the range of like three to six months, I think. But by then you should know whether or not they're a good marital partner anyway. And so you might as well just I mean, if they're not a good if you already, if you know by then they're not a good marital partner, then you wouldn't even want to sleep with them, and so you would probably just get it get out of there. But all in all, I think Proverbs 31 probably says it best, an excellent wife who can find. She is far more precious than jewels. It goes on to say, Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. If you're a woman and you fear the Lord, you are to be praised. So that's all I've got to say about that. This went way longer than I thought, and uh, but that's fine, whatever. I'm in the new studes, so I'm gonna I I can do that. We can have a bit of a longer rep. And to be honest, I only just scratched the surface too. There was so much more to be said, and I I wanted to go a little bit deeper on everything, but that's gonna have to do for now.

Final Proverbs And Listener Callouts

SPEAKER_00 52:46

If you liked it, let me know. If you disagree, let me know. Like, comment, subscribe, share, do all the things. Give us five stars, get me into the algo, guys and girls. Get me into the algo. If you rate this five star, it'll go into the algo better. Um, I'm also looking to get a new logo and stuff, so if you know anything about that, hit me up, let me know. I'm trying to get some good branding going on. But aside from that, guys, Christ is King, Jesus loves you, and he's coming back soon. So get to know him. And uh and thanks for listening, because you guys are amazing. And that was a little treat for those that stuck around. Thank you, and good night.