#39 - Perek Beis G - Mesilas Yesharim Explained

In two short sessions a week Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker will elucidate and bring to life the eternal words of the Mesilas Yesharim. Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker is the Rosh Yeshivah of Shapell's / Yeshivas Darche Noam in Yerushalaim.

Transcript

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I thought it'd be uh fun and interesting. Perhaps even important to share a little session with some U Shalim rain behind us. Unique opportunity that I'm home while it's raining. And um before we get to our main topic, I just want to say a side point of how do you ruin your kids. I mean that's a little severe, right? Exaggerated, but how did how do you give your kids bad kunach? Now you give your kids bad kunach. And this is if you're in Aristotle, if you're in Baltimore, if you're in Alaska, if you're in New York, wherever you are, you're Toronto, Toronto Toronto, New York, five towns. Oh, it's such a nasty day. The weather's so terrible. I hate the rain. It's so depressing. Now that's bad because the ideas that we say to our children are what forms their minds and forms their um understandings. They're Hashkafa. Hashkafa's outlook, their outlook on it. And for the rest of their life, they're gonna look at that as negative. And that itself is a shame. Now you might be a naturally upbeat person and positive and don't get depressed, and the fact you're saying it's depressing might, but you never know where your kids are gonna end up. And giving them that understanding and that fisah that hashkafa is gonna stay with them, and it might take Khalila a depressive uh child or an unhappy child, make him more unhappy and more depressive. And the truth is, what's going on over here is beautiful, and that's all for sure it's beautiful as our beautiful land becomes more beautiful, but it's beautiful around the world, as opposed to saying like negativity is coming down, tell your kids that chocolate milk is coming down because that's what's going on. Because when the rain goes into the earth and it does its job, as the Pasakini Shaiya says, it produces things and it produces grass, and then the cows eat grass, etc. The cows drink water, and that's how chocolate milk is made, and that's how steak is made, and that's how plant-based protein lab-created salmon and eggs and kosher cheeseburgers are made also because it's all somehow coming from the rain. So it's delicious, and besides all the other many other benefits that happen from rain, and it's true about all the weather. Every season is awesome, and every season is beautiful, and and that's it, first off, a true tfisa about Hashikafa to see that Kashaboko is creating a nice world for us. And there's a nice world, and all the seasons are needed. The winter, the land needs in the winter, and the sun is producing fruits, megadim, primigodim, etc. The most famous farm in Shokinar is called Primagadim, uh, Megad, Megad, Megad, Gibb Megad Hashemesh, Psukum and Vazosa Bracha. All the seasons are great. Did Bonusham create a bad world? Is that where that word treat teachers are beyond colours of in Ato mode? Let's take that in a simple way. Uh, these aren't my own ideas, but these are ideas from from Khashivan that I think are very important to share. Okay, that relates a little bit to our topic, but not so much. And the topic I want to share now is I hope that we're all inspired and have been inspired. Um trying to inspire myself to engage in Kheshbin and Epish a little bit, as we saw the second parak of Misil Sharm, which was about Zihirus. And Zihirus means being watchful of our actions, and there's a necessity, as Msil Sharm himself is going to describe, practically also a lot more incoming product. But already now I just wanted to jump in and give a little practical advice on doing a Heshpin and Nefish. I wrote down just a few notes, no way comprehensive, but things which I think will be helpful to us. So the first thing is our nature is when we make a Heshman Nefish, we go negative. Let's think about where we've done badly and the areas where we haven't been who we have. I'm gonna make a t-shirt called like go negative. You know, they like they have go pro, go negative. We're so uh easily to easy, it's so easy to us, it's so ready to us, so natural to go negative, right? But that's not good. Be positive also. First of all, because not just, you know, I'm not just saying some pop psychology thing. There are positive things you're doing. And when you're aware of the positive things you're doing, you say, Oh, I should do more of them. You can feel good about them. That's all me the sus on, right? I wow, I am accomplishing, I'm learning this way, I'm doing Dafiomi. Um, um, I am being nice to my wife, I am taking care of the house like my husband likes. I'm doing all these wonderful things, I'm doing custom I can't. And then when you well, I want to do more of that. I can do even more of that. If I if I'm doing so well with Dafiomi, maybe now I can make a 10-minute-a-day knock Seder. Perhaps now is the time. Maybe have that. I do have that little pocket between um after I finish my lunch and the next patient, client, uh computer program appointment comes in, I can get another Seder in because I'm building on the positive. That's it's an obvious thing. But again, I'm not I'm not giving uh motivational uh speech right now. I'm talking about how to do a Keshman Nebish. When one pinpoints and notes where he's doing well and where she's doing well, it's that much easier to go forward and keep doing more positive things. And of course, so it's uh it's a correct thing to do, and also in terms of us looking at Keshman and Nefish as something which we want to engage in, well, if it always turns to depression, right? No one wants depression, right? Oh, that's positive though. No one wants depression, depressive things. So if we relate to Keshman and Efish evaluation, self-reflection, self-valuation as negative because we only take it in a negative way, we're not gonna want to do it. But if we see it as something positive, we're gonna want to do it. So it's a correct thing to do because it will lead us to good Keshburn and Nefish, and it's a correct thing to do because it will keep us positive about engaging in it. Okay? Another thing I want to share, super important, is to look for low hanging fruit. Look for low-hanging fruit. I assume everybody knows what low-hanging fruit is, but just think about the idea. You have a tree, a cherry tree, an apple tree, let's make it a cherry tree, right? So I'm gonna go to Japan and we went to a uh cherry picking in uh in uh next to um Taiwan, no, next to Tokyo, right? Went to next to Tokyo, and here we are picking cherries, and they're cherries on the top, which might be very luscious, but they're really hard to reach. You gotta get the special cherry picker, and so the expression, to get them. But they're low-hanging fruit. They're cherries below, which are which are available. Now, again, when one goes into Heshman and Efish mode, often they go to a negative mode, and they think where they're often go to the areas which are most difficult to us, most anxiety bringing for us, and most guilt riding for us, because that's where our we live to a certain extent. Now, those are very, very important areas to deal with, right? Uh, are real struggle areas, but that's another schmooze. But in Heshmad and Efesh, don't just go to those areas. Think about where the low-four hanging fruits of improvement and tikkun, positive and negative. I say and low taste, zeros and zerosis, where are the low-hanging fruits of my in my life where I can improve? And I want to give some examples, and for sure each example might not relate to you, and all my examples might not relate to you, because I'm not you, and I'm not talking about things which are low-hanging for me or not, but there are many, many areas of low-hanging fruits. I'll give you, I'll give an example. Um, something like notes, something come you might not be coming on time to shool. Now, that might be a very, very trouble area for you. That's not a low-hanging fruit, but it might be something which is quite simple to you. You just never really thought about it because maybe your dad or your community or whatever, people don't come on time to shul, or you just got into a bad funk about it, a little bit of bad habit, but you're really a very, very timely person. All area, other areas of your life, you're timely. So you just kind of have to recalibrate your brains. Low-hanging doesn't mean put in no effort, right? You can the the low-hanging cherries could be there, but if you don't take the effort, go over, uh place yourself in the right place, don't slip and have a place to put the cherries. You're not gonna do it. We're not looking for a non-effort. There's no non-effort life. That's that's something else, right? That's not that's not a vodashem, that's not real life. That's not Yiddishkai. There's effort, but it doesn't have to be crazy effort, and it's still you, you would that area for you would still be called low-hanging. Oh, yeah, I just have to recalibrate. Like, why am I coming late to show? Like, that's that's not me. Just I'm gonna set my alarm five minutes earlier, hit not hit the smooth, have one coffee, not two coffees, etc. And I'll be on time two minutes early, put in my film, and I'll be ready to go and have a nice, I'll have a nice, uh, I can have a nice uh puzzouke disappear. Not a big challenge area for me. Why am I not doing that? So that simple recalibration led you to an incredible tequilin, which can really fix you, right? All the negatives about coming late to shool, if it's missing out on saying key things, if it's being a bad example to other people, right? If it's if it's continuing this thing where people start to less and less, you know, my my Remy of Leichter joked one time that he we have to put the uh birkas chakra at the end of at the end of our uh chakras, right? Because so many people come late, they don't have time to say birkas of chakra at the beginning, they say at the end. That's not the way birkha chakra is built. Birkha chakra is built to be where it is in the center, right? Uh uh and and not rushing to putting on to fill in and not rushing to putting on to fill in. Matovashit savantal reacha, right? Uh to feel good when you put on a talis, feel their bonus when you put a talent. Not to feel we all know how different it is when we're rushed in shul and not rushed in shul, to say the words, pay attention, right? So many people have no meaning when they say ashrei and when they say mismalasoda, when they say Aluka, when they say Azyashir, because they're rushing. So anything that you know, you go out with your wife and you're rushing the whole time. You go out with your husband, you're rushing the whole time. Oh, we have five minutes. Let's go. That's not so. So there's a perfect example for certain people. Again, if you're saying, oh, he doesn't know me, he doesn't understand my struggle, uh, this is where I struggle, you know. I get it. By the way, it's a struggle area for me too. So, but for some of you, it is low and low flank, low hanging. A few brahas with kavana, right? That might be a very simple thing to make a few brakas with kavana. Like I just go by the by the whole day and I'm kavana. Oh, there is that time for when I make a motsi at lunch, I am a little bit settled, I can't focus. Again, it's gonna have some effort, but it's low-hanging. Um, living generally within the correct smadam. Some people don't forgot that Yiddishkite is demanding of our time. And we're supposed to die minchit at a certain time and chakra at a certain time, we're certainly supposed to say Krishna at a certain time, we're supposed to say Krishma by a certain time at night, right? Dirabani is supposed to say Krishma before Khatzos to calibrate that. Now that again, someone said, like, listen, I'm just I'm I'm a Mal Isman type person, that's not low-hanging fruit for you, but for many of us it will be. Um, not using certain words or tones with your spouse. Someone's getting into like a bad habit that we use certain words or tones that we don't want to with our spouse, our husbands, our wives. So that might be, you know, that might be a very, very big habit for you already. It needs a tremendous amount of work, etc. But it might be for you a low-hanging fruit. Yeah, you just have to like recalibrate. I don't want to use those words. That's not that's not me. And now with a quick note, no to something, you fixed yourself and you're not gonna use that anymore. It's and it's divorced from you and it's finished and out of your out of your way anymore. I don't speak like that anymore. I'm not gonna use that tone, I'm not gonna use that word. That's it, done. Simple, boom, and your life is improved, and your vote is the shame is improved. Um, giving your kids more quality time. For some of us, that's such a challenge because we're so uh connected to our phones or whatever, we're always distracted, always have have our business or other things on our heads, so we don't give our kids quality time. Quality time for some of us, it might just be a question of scheduling a little bit, like realize, oh, where in my skin, where can I just make sure to give my kid the quality time, the focus time? That's not a big challenge for me, but it's such a lack right now, and I can fix it. Low-hanging fruit. Um, having some boundaries with phones, right? To get the whole phone situation and the whole internet situation, you know, as many tsadigum say and good alum say, and anybody with their eyes open, I believe, says this is one of the challenges of the generation. That's a challenge of the generation. Okay, good. So maybe I can't get it fully right, but I can put some boundaries on myself. I could put maybe my phone needs a filter, maybe I just have to turn it off by a certain point at night and not see it until a certain time. Making some boundaries is low-hanging fruit. You just haven't thought about it. You just get on with the flow, right? You've let Steve Jobs, and as I always like to say, quoting social dilemma, you let 50, 25 to 30 year old white guys from many of who study in Stanford, uh, run your life. Don't let them run their life. I don't need a guy from Stanford running my life. You know what I mean? I went to Better University, I went to the Mary Shiva University, I went to see Kushilewski. I was around geniuses. I need a guy from Stanford running my life. Uh-uh. So I'm gonna make some boundaries, low-hanging fruit. Um eating more healthy, right? At least part of the time. A person can uh challenge eating and dieting is a challenge for many of us. A lot of people using Guzempik to help them, very good. Uh or whatever the whatever the thing is in, I forget what it's called in in the States, but and and London, very good. But some of them just eat more, are you eating enough vegetables? Are you uh whatever tikkun you make and eating more healthy is helpful, right? Eating more vegetables, drinking more, all this stuff. Um, so for some of us, no, I just you know, my food's all over the place. Oh no, but maybe just low-hanging food. You just never, you never sat, you never did Keshbanafish, you never considered a place and a way where you can be more conscious about what you eat and put less junk into ourselves. Uh, exercising some, right? For some of us is an obvious thing, and just get out there, I run uh out there. You know, a friend just ran a marathon, and that's not one of the things I think I'm gonna imagine myself doing too fast. But but are you exercising at all? Like that's important for your votus Hashem, for your simcha, for all that stuff, right? We don't want to be sick and we need to exercise. So, again, so maybe getting into an everyday regimen uh is beyond this, but that might be low-hanging fruit, just improving those ways. So, so those are just a bunch of random examples that came to my mind. I hope the principle is clear. Each person is an olomle, right? Each person is an old world, and for all of us, there are is low-hanging fruit. There are areas which are not difficult to um to to uh to fix. Effort, yes. Picking the cherries, even if they're low, is effort. There's no efforts. Get out of that mindset, right? AI is not gonna take us out of it. Our robots are not going to be, right? Why are robots not ultimately challenge a bodice ever? Because a modushem means a vodas Hashem, right? A robot is not gonna dominate you, he's not gonna learn for you, he's not gonna make be nice for you. If we would use them correctly, then we would get rid of all this side point, and then we could focus on our Vodas Hashem, like the Ram says. Unfortunately, we're using it incorrectly, but that's another talk. But friends, those are two um, we'll hopefully be sharing other practical ideas about Heshman Navish as we're dealing more in the deeper of the Mesil Sham. He himself is gonna come up and give us a lot of advice and a lot of a setting for what it means to really evaluate and really be involved in Zahiras in a correct way. But I wanted to take this divergence and just bring it down a little bit on a very practical way in our way. And those are two things to keep in mind in a correct evaluation of Keshman Nevish. Number one, let's remember as we engage in Keshman Nefish not just to be involved in negative things, let's think about our positive things and how we can build them, right? And two, let's think about where there's low hanging fruits of a Vodas Hashem in Torah, a Vodan Gamil Skal, that we can engage in as Bezra Deshem. Every little small improvement we make is so significant, so relevant, so beloved to the Vodashan in our times and in all times, and with that we will grow and grow. Thank you.