#44 - Perek Gimel B - Mesilas Yesharim Explained

In two short sessions a week Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker will elucidate and bring to life the eternal words of the Mesilas Yesharim. Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker is the Rosh Yeshivah of Shapell's / Yeshivas Darche Noam in Yerushalaim.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

So we were markiv very much last time. I enjoyed that very much. I hope the T word did also. The idea of the two things we have to keep in mind when we do our Heshbanavish, when we get involved in Zahirus, is to midbonain what is good, what's true goodness, and what's not true goodness. And then, of course, to think about the actions that we're doing. We continue. Now watch the Ms. further bringing and breaking things down and categorizing. Vizebishmaisa Vishlobasmaisa. It's two times that you do this evaluation. A chasmaisa, as you're acting, ishlobishasmaisa, look at this. Incredible. You won't do anything, anything. Everything you're about to do, you go into, I'm gonna have this conversation, I'm gonna give this person musir, I'm gonna say something to my wife, I'm gonna say something to my husband. You're always thinking about it. Is this baklala tov or biklala ra? Is this part of the Tova miti? Is this part of the Ra Miti? Incredible, very, very intense. Bishlobishasmaisa. Now, now, Rabosaite and friends, I want to point again, I feel my job is a little bit for myself for sure, and perhaps for the others that are chosen to listen here, is that you don't have to take, you know, Yiddishkite is not all or nothing, and Ms. Hil Sharm is not all or nothing. A person might say to himself, look, Ashrei me, that listens to Ms. Sharm exactly as he says it. And he says, I am gonna, the person says to himself, and can I not do anything in my life without thinking about it and weighing it and evaluating it. Is it part of the Tovamiti or not? And I have a clear picture in my head of what the Tovamiti is as I go around my daily actions and my hourly tasks. Incredible. That person would be a very, very big Tadik. That person would be on a high level, right? Many of us listening, including me, might say, like, I can't imagine doing that in my life right now. So Ms. not for me. Chasfishalom. Chasfishon, chasfishalam. Ms. Ram is for us. But but it's my dragis. I can certainly do it a lot more. I can live with a lot more presence, a lot more consciousness now that I have to say that I'm not gonna do anything you can think of. Every time before I take that third pancake, you know, I'm thinking, is this third pancake baklala tover, biklala ra? Right? A minute on your lips, forever on your hips, right? Okay, so therefore what? And now watch what watch watch what happened. Here's the tsadigisodolum, or maybe not yet sadi solum. Here's a person. I'm eating every piece of food that comes into my mouth as when we considered is this baklala tov, baklala-ra? And then what am I gonna do with that? I'll play it out, right? Well, does it help my health? Does it not help me health? Do I need the for Yeshiva Das, not Yeshiva Das? We spoke about that a little bit more. We'll learn about learn more about can I see the Tamuru ki Tobashem in this thing? Whatever way you person deals with the a vodigadol of okel, etc. And that person says, okay, so now I need one cup of water, I don't need two cups of water, and I need 15 minutes, and not 14 minutes, and I need 16 minutes, not 15 minutes, and I need 15 minutes, not 16 minutes. So and he lives with that level of Kashmir, right? A person who can do that is is on a very, very, very, very high madraga. Okay, next thing is, watch this. The person says, like, you know, that Ms. Silasharmi, it's not realistic, not for me. It's so, so out there. Throw it out. No. Well, how about something like this? I can eat with more consciousness than I'm used to. Right now I just eat. And now I'm gonna try to live with consciousness for consideration for one meal a day or one meal a week or one meal on Chavez. You've changed an enormous amount by doing that. I'm going to live over this meal, my Friday night meal of the first 15 minutes. The chala. I will eat chala in such a way. The rest of the meal, the gates are open. The challenge is waiting. The fish is coming. The kanela are boiling. Very good. But the chala for the first the chala I'm gonna eat in that way. How much khala do I need to eat? How much kala is part of the Tovashem? How much isn't? You can do that. And here's the point that is an enormously different old bigger madraga than living without a Keshman. So is it what the Masila Sharm spoke about? No. But it's gonna take you much further. So I think everybody knows what I'm talking about, but I just have to emphasize that, because and it's something I I've said before, and I'll say it again, because that's our job is to take the svaram, hear the message, imagine and get clarity on what the asod is and what a person could live like, but then you have to let the ideas meet you in a real way. And if you can't do that, you end up usually you know unstable or or nervous or or or not connected at all because or or dumbing everything down. Totally. I don't consider what I just did, friends dumbing it down. I consider what I did being Mitaimit to where we're at in a in a in a good way. Because like I said, I can't, I don't I can't I want I would I don't want to say the words, I can't live like that, but as I speak to you today, I'll tell you I I don't live like that, and I don't plan on next pretty soon future living like that. Every single action I do, you know, etc. But there but there are areas in my life and there are ways that Friday night, right? Or when it comes to giving a Talmud musr, maybe I could live like that. I don't want to say a single word of Bikard on another person, right? Without really thinking about what sort of card means, critique or something, right? I don't want to say a word to a Talmud without really being very, very careful. Or I don't want to say a word when I'm speaking publicly without speaking, that's a Madrega a person theoretically could live with. But say everything I say is always gonna be Heshman. You see, you see that you get the idea? So don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, take every word of the Ms. Rom seriously, think how it can apply to you, where it can. Don't worry if it can too much, and you keep we keep growing like that. Yeah, voila. Okay. Shalyash Shummaisa, the shlobashas myself, that's shasmaisa, right? I'm being aware, conscious of my actions as I do them. The shalobashasmaisa and not shasmaisa, shy'alafanov. A person brings up in front of them, he knew, let me say her name. Shial Zikron Klamasov. He brings down a remembrance of his actions, Vyishko Otam, and he evaluates them and he weighs them. Shkila is weighing them. This um scale. Even though, yeah, I evaluated a chasmaisa, but there's that doesn't that doesn't exclude me from the necessity of going over later. Mayeshba mehara, what do I have to push away? This hanhaga, this action, this way, this habit, this form of speech that's being too blunt, that's being too nice. I gotta push away. Not working for me. It's not doing the right thing, it's not getting to me my talk list. Umma minhatov ladmit balit chhizikbah, and what good things am I doing that I want to grab onto them and I want to be madmid in them, and I want to do more in them. Very, very important, right? Very often a person, I would say sometimes I'm sure this with technology, sometimes you don't know how to do something on your computer, on your phone, and you just press some buttons and it works out. Guess what? You don't know how to do it, so you're not gonna go into it. It was a good thing that you uncover, but you don't know what steps you took, and you can't uncover it. You don't trace it, so you're gonna get the same position afterwards. So sometimes you just run into something good, but if you don't notice it, you don't go, whoa, wow. I didn't realize that when I speak like this to my son, my daughter, it gives him such a smile. I brought such joy to their face. I just I just Agav brought my wife flowers for Shah or Shab. She was the happiest woman in the world. What'd I do? That's what oh, one second. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So I see that buying flowers for my wife really, really, you know. I see that making a cake for my husband really makes him happy. I didn't realize. I just did a killacharyad. I see my mother-in-law so appreciates that phone call, that five-minute phone call. I see it lights up someone when I give a compliment to their kid. I was just, I thought I was just stomping it. But now I remember, I think about what I did, what happened, where where have I been in the last week? What have I done? I see that when I'm makpit to do X, my whole Kharusa works totally different. I see when I get to I I noticed that when I got to Dabnay two minutes early, it changed the whole Tfila for me. I see when I got to Davani two minutes early, it didn't change the whole tefila for me. And I said, maybe I don't need to do that anymore. I see him pushing myself, putting a lot of pressure on myself to get to Dabni two minutes early, right? And I see it didn't make a difference. I'm just saying, I don't know which way it would work, right? But that's the point. So I see him doing things that are negative that have to get rid of. I see him doing positive things, and those things I have to note them also to be khazak with them, to make strong habits of myself. Incredible. Little red, I'll read it again, such a delicious line. Literature, Mayeshba mehara, push away, Oto, Maminatov. What good things am I doing? You find any bad? Theoretically. Reflect. Think. The Yahkur Besikhlos. Yaqko means like Hakira means to go into, delve into. Which tahbula should I do? Yasel Lasur Minarahuli Tarmi Meno. I this is an incredibly important point here. What tahbula should I do to avoid this thing? What what what strategy do I do? Now, this is Ms. Sharm talking to us. You know, I have, I think I might have told you, I have a suspicion that Massila Sharm was talking to high-level people, but it's been accepted as a claw, savor for all clients. We're learning it certainly. You know, and everybody learns Massila Sharm as they should. So he's talking to us. So that means you and me don't just run to a rabbi to figure things out. That means you and me have to think of strategies about how to make ourselves improve. The Mesila Sharm is a very, very independent book. And I think something that's missed on people, and I think the the path of growth is very, very independent because only I or you, right, are sitting with our Lash and Hara. So I say, like, what happens? You know, when this person just gets mentioned, when someone just talked about my mother-in-law, I have a good, very good relation with my mother-in-law Borkishman now, this problem, but you know, someone you just my wife just mentions my mother-in-law, like a I just like start ripping, you know. It's just no, we're not talking jokes, we're talking lush and hara, we're talking Motsy Shemra, we're talking Rukhilis, all the you know, the 31 Love, etc. That the Chabat Khan talks about. It's just the the the dance the gates are open, you know, the gates to hell are open, they fly open. I see this person, he just sends me into Tiz. I get so angry. Okay, good. So now you have to sit with yourself. What strategy are you gonna use? I I don't know. I don't have any strategies. I don't have any, I never thought about my life. I never, you know, someone came to my Rebbe Rovleichter and asked him once about Davening. Maybe the person was uh 20 or something like that, 22. I said, How long have you been Davening? You know, you've you've said like 10,000 Schmona Srays. This is Barakha's story, I don't remember the numbers, but you've said 10,000 Schmona Srays. Like, what did you do till now? I don't have any strategies, you know. Like, I don't have a strat like what what am I like? Am I a consultant? You know, am I a high-level consultant? I work for McKinley or something. McKinsey, you think I have a strategy for how to get dominion on time? Yeah, that's what you have to do. You have to have strategies. We have to strategize our votus Hashem, but I'm not a strategist. You have to become a strategist, you have to think about that. And the answers are inside of us so often. Uh you have it, but we we're not, it's not that we don't have it. It's I think it's that we're not trained to think of ourselves and think about our lives like that as if we have to really take responsibility. It's responsibility. The seal sharp is all about responsibility. You know, what's life about? What's the hearus? What are you gonna do about it? It's it's it's it's it's not even something that he's talking about because it's so it's so basic and deeply embedded in the whole book. But look at this, right? I notice that I'm coming to Dabany late all the time. I notice that when this when this person gets mentioned, I say a lot of Lash and Hara. I notice I have a big challenge of Kedusha in this area. I notice that I'm not nice to my wife, I don't know, supportive of my husband. I notice that I fail my kids, I notice that I don't work well, I notice that I get very, very lazy at. I notice that I don't put a good day's work in, I notice, except okay, those are all that's fine. But now what are you gonna do about it? Not my job. It's not my job, you know. I'll speak to I'll speak to human resources, I'll read a book, I'll check chat but GBT, all that has AI is gonna give me the answers. You have the answers inside of you. You do. You're just not used to strategizing, you're not used to thinking. I don't like to refer to my book too much, but I just tell you one of the big things I felt when I wrote the book about UDS because I think it's very relevant, that's what I'm sharing. I've also been, I recently printed a third time, and I've been speaking about it a lot, so it's on my mind. Um so, so allow me a second, friends. I think it's relevant to the topic, is that a lot of what I said was like that. I what I recognized was that you know, when it comes to learning biyun, how to learn, there's an enormous amount of hadrafan guidance. But when it comes to how to retain learning, there's an incredible uh uh sparsity of hadracha. And people don't even have a strategy, you know. I asked the actual, you know, I'm not even blaming it's a I you know Barkashem Siathash Maya. I became aware of it for however it happened. And people don't even know like what is your strategy for holding on to your learning? How much are you learning trying to hold on to? You trying to hold on to all of it? Oh, what a novel question. That's not a novel question, that's a question that should face all of us. Am I trying to remember every single Rashtyaana Daff, every single Tosana Daf, every single step in the Shakvataya in a daff, every single Pasik, every every Rajyan Khumi. What what is my goal? What uh Yafemod. So you don't have strategy. That's a strategy, that's what a tahbul is. A tahbul is a stratagem, it's it's it's a way, you know, and we all have to be strategists in our vote ashem. That's the message here. I I can't I can't avoid it. And and again, like so many things in Mr. Sharm, and I'll I'll finish with this. That is empowering because he believes that we can't have strategies, and Kleisrol's adopted this book, and Rasul Salantar is told by Ribzolam that this is the guidebook, and this is what everybody's learning in this Klysol's poskin that we can deal with this book, you know, and this is for us, and it's all over. Of course, of course. There's a time we turn to our Rebeyim, our rebbitsins, and we ask them for advice, but not down because we don't have anything to say. I've thought about the topic, I'm stuck. The Gamoran Brachas tells us, Ain't Hovish Matteris Atsum basura. Sometimes we're stuck. I don't know how to get out of this type, I don't know how to get out of this problem. Very good. But it's fine you're stuck. But did you think? You didn't even think about it. You know, what's holding you back in Shadducham? I'm gonna I'm gonna go to Torah anytime. I'm gonna go to Rebshaila Kastir, maybe he has the answer. Rap Shaila has the answers. Rap Shaila has the answers, you have the answers. Think about it. What's going on? You know, you we're so not trained to look at our lives, take responsibility for them, believe in ourselves. It's an unbelievable belief. What takbul do I need? You know, I realize I go on a date, I mumble. You're mom, I don't like the girl in the eye. I don't like the boy in the eye. I I sabotage. I sabotage, I say negative things about myself. Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why are you doing that? You know, that's now what's the what? And now you have to go. But the tahbul is we're so not we're so not living in our in ourselves. And I just want to say, uh, you know, that believe me, Chat GBT is gonna make it a lot worse. So tell Tony Gemini and Siri and whoever's out there, she's gonna tell me, he's gonna tell me. Look at the answers in ourselves. What can I do to improve myself? And I try things, and I try things this didn't work, this will work, this won't work, this will work, right? Although I would do what I'm saying, uh, and good at presenting it, but maybe, but but that's what we have to do, right? We have to think all the time. We have to be involved in our words, Vishas Maisa, Vishla Bashas Maisa. What's the Tobamiti? What am I doing? How am I doing it? And I think to myself, well, this is great, I'm gonna keep it up, machazig it. I have to strengthen this habit. This is so good, the way I'm learning, the way I'm David, the way I'm don't been on my baru. Beautiful, machazik that negative things, gonna get rid of them. How do I get rid of them? What do I do? What's the problem? How can I avoid it? And an underlying belief. That's so many of the answers. Sometimes in that what I get to it, I don't know what to do. Then I ask the Rav, ask the rabbits, and then I look it up, right? But until I tried myself and thought about it, until I looked at myself, I'm not gonna turn. I'm gonna find the tahbullah myself. I'm gonna look and see and find Azarat Hashem.