#65 - Perek Daled L - Mesilas Yesharim Explained

In two short sessions a week Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker will elucidate and bring to life the eternal words of the Mesilas Yesharim. Rabbi Dovid Schoonmaker is the Rosh Yeshivah of Shapell's / Yeshivas Darche Noam in Yerushalaim.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Okay, welcome back everybody. I'm still outside. Enjoying Bora Hashem. So we we left with a huge question last time. We see the Sharm bringing down the Hazal Kipshu Tam that Yaka was punished for not giving over in a very very severe way for not giving over Dina to Aesav, and therefore she was given over to Kamur, and it was you know it sounds even worse than Aesav. It wasn't with their Khatters. There was no marriage, there was no nothing, there was, he was didn't even have a brasmila, no ra. And the question is how what what did Ace Yaakov do wrong? So I've seen two approaches in the in this. I have seen uh Bali Mussa. I remember I saw a telescaper one time which tried to explain it, Kapchutum. I never got it clear, but it is out there, so you can look maybe if it interests you and find something which fits similar to the Pashap shot with an explanation. But the Altus Lobodka said you can't understand the Kipshutum. Listen carefully. Yaakov did not make a mistake in not giving Dina over to ASAP. Of course you shouldn't give Dina to ASAP. Come on, right? Imagine the same situation. I'm sure Sabali Chuver listening there, and some people were very mitched. You have a brother who's let's say we married off to uncles today, right? Which we don't know anyway, but let's say we did that. Or a relative, a second cousin or something. You have something you know, he's your cousin, and uh and he's not at all living a lifestyle. And you have a beautiful base Yaakov girl, a beautiful Frum girl, whatever school you gave to to, a Mamashitsnua, and uh and all the myelas, Khalila Myelas, and she could marry, you know, wonderful budding Tama Falcum or wonderful budding, whatever is meaningful to you. I'm not getting into it, right? But here she is. I've married off daughters, you know. I I know what it is, and and and and and someone says, you know what? I had an idea. You know that cousin yours, like which one? The one with the tattoo. Oh, you mean uh itzka with the small tattoo on his head? No, no, no, no, no, not itzka, no, no, no. Uh Yuska, you know, itcha, yuski. The one with tattoos over his whole body on his. I saw someone the other day with like mommy, he was blue over here, his punch of green, you know, green, and on his legs. That one, yeah, and with the piercings, and and that doesn't have well what's he doing for he doesn't have a job yet, but I'm telling you, there's potential there. Look, and he's your he's your brother, he's your cousin. You remember, you remember that you know his father very much wanted you to have a Kesha Tim and a Shaikhus Tim, and um and I think it could be good shit off. And you're just crestful, and you you you're you don't you don't do yourself, you flabbergasted, in other words. You want my daughter to marry him? I mean Did you say you want me to have him over for a shamas meal? Shamus meal down, Harusa, Torah Ta Tora mate, something, partisan Torah, let's go. No, no, no, no. I think you should have your daughter marry him. You don't do it yourself. And I hope everybody could be appreciated the absurdity of the situation, right? That's just he's not religious. This is Aesiv. Aesiv Aesiv, in a way, is more severe than what I'm saying, because Aesiv is spoken about in this far as as as the Shar Sharah. Shah. Who is Aesiv's grandson? Amalik. Asa, Alifaz Amalik. Aesiv is the one that's gonna destroy the whole Jewish people. That the the Aesiv, Asa's the founder of of all the negativity, what we doed into into the societies which which killed us and eventually came the Holocaust. That's how it's certainly how Ramos Shapiro saw it. That was the continuation. Ace of Rome, a Holocaust. She should marry him. Incredible. So said the Altas Lobotka, of course she wasn't supposed to marry him. But here's the point. Let's go back to our mushal. What am I thinking? When after that suggesti I I reject this situ I I reject the the shit of. But you know what? It's with Abby Vart. Like, here's this, here's what it's saying. He's an insane. How in the world? What does he think? Does he know my daughter is? And I close the door with a I close the door with a with gusto. I don't slam it. We try not to slam doors on you, but you know, bets of him slamming the door. No. You say no, but this is how you say no. Olive. I wish that he would be fit for my daughter. I wish I could make that shit up. I wish I could marry her to him. It's with a pained heart that we can't go ahead with this. It's a pained heart that I can't do this. That was the ownish. That's why, says the altar. That's what Yaakov was punished for. For the the cavana, the way the way he said he said, I think the way he said it, I forgot the exact noq was that he closed the teva. When he closed the teva, uh, when he closed the aurant's a protector, he did it with the with a you know, yes, no, you're not going to Asif. So, of course you're not going to Aesiv, but it should be with a pain of heart. And and I I repeat this message, I I kind of um go off topic of the general message that the uh Sil Sharma's teaching me because I think it's such a tremendous message on both sides. A person needs boundaries, definitely, sometimes between families. You know, we all know the situation of a toxic parent, and by the way, you have to be very careful who's a toxic parent today. You know, people call, you know, your parent one time, kids get married, parents upset, teenagers get parents upset, that doesn't mean your father was toxic, your mother wasn't toxic, your mother was a great father, your mother was a great mother, and and you drove them crazy sometimes. I did things that drive my parents crazy. That doesn't make them toxic. There are toxic people. You have to, I think you need to speak to a therapist and a rub. It's not a question for a therapist to settle. It's a question, I would say, between a therapist and a rub. Okay, we should know such things, but there are situations, right? But for sure that, but sometimes, you know, a person becomes more religious than than friends or family or uh mice and call young neighbors, and you do have to protect your family and you do have to keep your kids separate. It's not a joke, or a girl, uh a teenage girl today. A ra average teenager girl has incredible amounts of garbage in their heads. Let's not let's not fool ourselves about what's what's what's out there. The average teenage boy, what's average, I know average. Someone who someone who has open access to internet and open access to television has tons of garbage in their head. So someone says, you know, I can't have I can't have my pure daughter who I've been raising, you know, but Kdusha Vatara, giving one example there, a thousand examples. I can't have her in a sleepover with with her. Right? That's that's a good hushman. I can't, because who what what what's on her mind? It's not her fault. We're not no one's no one's calling faults in the that's not called judgment, that's called evaluation. That the average girl today has many, many bad ideas in her head. That's just what it is. Okay. You make your decision, and I'm not telling you what decision to make. I'm just no one should please out as we say in Hebrew, Al Titvasitiamila. If you don't like my examples, don't don't uh don't cancel me. I'm just I'm trying to give over an idea. And it's a that's a real question, which you know, people come to me about and wipe about these types of questions for sure. How do I how do you balance it? So there are times you have to say no, we can't have the sleepover. But how do you say it? You know, I wish. You know, what idea to give you a message to kids? You know, we're like this, uh or you know, how I it's just you know, you have to say it in a nice way. Hello, I our heart is with all of our brothers, our heart's with all Jewish people. La Micea, we can't we we can't always do everything we would like to do. We can't always be with our brothers and sisters the way we want for practical reasons. Okay, that's a tremendous lesson, and that's that's the lesson of Yaakov, and Yaakov is punished for that. Okay, we continue. Yosef. Yosef. Oh boy, Lefisha Amr La Saramashka, Kim Zhartani Itcha. Remember me, right? Yosef says to the Saramashkim, remind me, remember me. Don't don't leave me in this cesspool. As he's in jail, as he had given the um interpretation of the dream to the Saramashkim. Kim Zhartani Itcha. This Vasel Shation got two extra years. How many words of that? One, two, three, four. Half a year per per word. I'm not saying that's how she made the message, husband. Yak Lafita Lafida judgment, Yosef was ready to come out now, and he spent another two years. Imagine, you know, our our Khattufim spent two years in the in the hellhole of Gaza. So that much time was added for Yosip Tsadik. Because of these four words. Kimamar's Karona Lulubracha. Incredible. That Khazal say, incredible. That was because on as the way that's often explained, according to Yosef's tremendous level Bitachon, he should have uh shouldn't have said that. He should have had Bitachon in the Kharishbach, and that's the whole question of the Stadless and Bitachon, and what's the revel right level for people. One of the real um riddles of life is to know what's the person's level of Bitachon, having more Bitachon, can I get a Stadless? Now's not the time or place, but Yosef will fix Batachon. The way the Khazal say it, at least some explain is that uh Yosef was lacking, had a had that moment of lacking. It's just incredible, right? Two extra years to be you know to explain what two years is, right? I tried to elicit the data by thinking about the Khatoufim, our brothers and sisters, the Khatufim Khattufot. The Heligatusher. The Tusher was one of the great rebbes in North America, the whole world, really, in uh the north of Montreal. And there's a place called Tush, which he founded and built and um created physically and spiritually. So he could not handle when a yid was in jail. He'd say it to you, it's called Tfisa. He said, if a yid is in tfiza, one day it's too much. That was his understanding. One day is one day was too much. The way he the amount he would work to help people get out of jail. Tfisa. And so this is not one day, and it's not for Stamy Yid, it's for Yosef, it's Adikai. Yosef's he sowed. Yosef is is is the whole Khlay's roll. I think we're I think we're in the week after the beginning of this week of you sowed. And uh Omar, not that I understand these things, but Yosef, that, you know, Khilashem, Kodishrol, the whole thing, after all he'd gone through all the then two more years. Okay. Yosef Atzmashana is obviously believed Reshus Shamwakum because he embalmed Yaakov with our Rashus. I had forgotten this one totally. Oh, Gophish Shishama, Abducha Avi Vishik, or he heard, I think it's power said, Abducha Avinu. Or maybe it was one of the brothers, I forgot, but Abducha Avinu, our Evid, your father, Vish, our your Evid, our father, Vishazik, or Mark it this and Mark it this way, baselapnachov. Yosef died early. We're talking about incredible, incredible punishments. That David Latishikard Lidavitarizmiros, because he called it hard to go on, right? That remember the introduction I gave. David Latishikard Lidaris miras, Nenash and Niksha Batvaruza, it's Arva Simkhaso, because he called the Vritar Zmiras songs, right? Which again, according to his Madraga, implied a certain um a certain lack of the seriousness of the Vritara. Nenash Veniksha Badvara Uza. Simco was was hurt. Michal, David's wife, daughter of Shaw, the Fusia Hokikhes, David Mashirachat, the Mutzneha Arun. David, of course, when the Arun came back, was dancing like a wild man. And Michal saw it and said, No, this is not the way, this isn't how Shaol did it. It's not a way Malekak's David did Zelo, Zeloze. And but it was an incorrect uh critique, and she went to the Melathe Strong spoke that way. Nena Shlloh Vlad El Mosa, she only had a child in Mosa. His Kyo, the great Sadik. Again, we're only bringing from Sadik here. The Pishahera El Sari Melechbabel as Basin the Choso. Ningzar Abundabel is Sri Bechal Babel Beman, because he showed the Melekbabel as Basin the Khoso. He was Ningzar Abonavu was decreed on his children to be Sri, to be eunuchs. There are many, many more like this. Okay? So this is all these are all the examples that Raveno gives of Svivav Nisara mode. And around him, there is uh great. Now, I could be explained this a little bit before. What's going on? I mean, it's certainly not very encouraging, right? So it's not very encouraging. So, but still, what's the explanation? I mean, these people reached higher. So I think the explanation is simple, something we can see in our own life. Um, allow me to share something for my youth. I uh was a big sports fan. Kudishwoko gave me the ability to sit and watch TV for a long time, also, special matana. And uh those two things combined, and I was a big sports fan. And in 1980, the um this is a well-known thing, one of the greatest moments in sports happened, which was that the uh Americans, who then were just college students, beat the Russians in hockey. And this you have to understand, first of all, in the middle of the Cold War, and the Russians were really, they were part of the Russian army, and therefore they were really basically professional athletes. And this is back when the Olympics was amateur athletes. So the Russians beat the system by putting them in the army, if I remember correctly, and they were really, I don't know, and these were college students, they were good, they were, you know, the best college students in America, but there was a joke, like and anybody that knows anything about hockey, which I don't really know too much about, but you know, usually hockey games like three to one, three to two, two two zero, one-one, four or two. I think they had beaten like the all-stars, uh, the best of everything, like 11-3 in the exhibition game, the Russians. I mean, they were in a they were in a different world, a different league. No one believed that they would do that well. And they had a historic coach named Herb Brooks, if I remember correctly, and they had a goalie named Jim Craig, and a lot of other players, but we're gonna focus on those two. And uh Herb Brooks was uh very, very tough on his team, and he had a psychology to make them uh build octus in him, build build octus among themselves by being against him. Like they're all, and this is how he did it in security. He used to say, you guys are not gonna win on talent because you don't have enough talent. He used to say, you guys are playing worse every day, and today you're playing like it's a month from now. Think about that. And he was in a certain way he was very, very tough on his um on his goalie, Jim Craig. And Jim Craig, interesting, he didn't continue in the big leagues, I think only three years or so afterwards. And uh kacabi. But I think if I remember, I saw an interview one time, and Herbrook said, I knew I had something in him, I knew he was special, and he had to bring it out and squeeze it out. Now, we're not justifying Herbrooks' methods, that's how you run your family or your business or anything. It certainly doesn't go today, and it's not the way we do things, but there is you do understand, here's the point when you see greatness, you have to squeeze it out more, and the and the standard is higher, right? What's what's good for the average person is not good for the top-level performer, the person who wants to be on that level, right? That's that's how you uh that's the general each on each example here. I can't say understand or perceive uh or whatever, you know, Kadush Boko's judgment is way, way beyond us, and we're always dabbling for chesed and rachim, and we only want to see the Ms. come the chesed of Rachim uh in an open shakesid. I know it's not just me saying that at the Gareth Sad of Guru Sumaier, it says that all the time, all the time, you know, we don't want to see Din, we want to see Chesed, we want to see Giluyim, we want to see everybody come close to the Kadush Borkhu but they're chesed, etc. But but just understand a little bit means Qadish Morakum has a higher level of expectation of Avram. And and here's what I want to add. You can't say that Avram wanted this particular ownership or something like that, but ultimately, real people want a higher level of accountability, right? Uh another example I always give from the sports world is I think it's and it would be with a business coach also, so I think this would work with if you know top players pay, tennis a good example, because it tennis players are just the player, there's no team around them. I mean they have sponsors, but it's them. So tennis players, top the top level tennis players pay enormous sums for coaches to give them a hard time. They're paying, I'm sure, probably business class at least, um, plane tickets and hotel tickets and salaries. You're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars. Simple, I I've never checked it. Hundreds of thousands of dollars for X player to have a top-level coach, follow him around on tour and watch him play and give him a hard time. Because he wants to be, if you and I look at him, we say, like, whoa, what is he doing? He's amazing. You know, why in the world, why would someone want to be better? Okay, you come in third. Come in second, like, what's the big deal? You're making enormous amounts of money for coming second and third and fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh. He's got all the money he needs anyway, and he's doing he has all these things. No, no, no. They're paying people to give them a hard time, to critique them, to improve their game. You know, if you if you're if you don't improve your if you don't improve your running backhand drop shot cross-court, you're not gonna beat Alvarez. That's what they're saying to them. And you and I would never want it. You know, just have some fun. Like, just roll the ball. I remember I was trying to give my young son once advice on how to bowl. He's like, Kaba, there's no mitz-kerach in sports. Just have a good time. But to them, it's business. And the same thing, I'm sure, is in a certain type of business coach that they're they're paying someone to tell them, you know, they look come in. Obviously, there's a high-level guy, he's his he's Forbes 500 already, but he wants to be Forbes 100. How can you take me from being Forbes 500, 500, 44100? He's doing enough to be Forbes 500. It means he's an amazing CEO. Companies are running an amazing way, they've they put I AI into everything already, and they've done all those changes, etc. But we want to go better. I'm again, I'm not telling anybody what they should do, but they want to be better. I want to be Forbes 100. I want to build one of the top 100 businesses in the world. What do I have to do? How do I have to live? Really? Yeah, okay. First off, you gotta lose 10 pounds. That's it, because you know, the impression you make on your on your people when you come in a little bit overweight, so it gives a message to them like we're just but that's not why I eat, everybody knows. No, that's not making a difference. 10 pounds right now. You ready? What? Yeah, that's it. And then and then, etc. Now, the tzadikim, when it comes to vodas Hashem, that's what they do. And I want to tell you, I don't want to give the examples now, they're too strong, but I know two tzadikim in the last generation that that almost asked for midasidin on themselves. So it's just to say it's not our level. Nothing we should even worry about. We should be aware that there is Midasaddin, I believe. We should act appropriately, and I certainly don't think we should bring it on ourselves, we should try to keep it off of ourselves, but um but you know, let's take a step back, and there are there are terror ideas which are difficult for us, but Dafka by going into them that will make us uh stronger, more balanced, more complete uh of the ship.