Home Education: Persevering Through Seasons of Chronic Illness

 What does faithfulness look like when your body is weak? This episode is for any mom (homeschooling or not) who is walking through pain, illness, or physical limitation—whether chronic suffering or a simple season of sickness like the common cold. Join me and Beth as we both share the stories of our own battles with chronic illness and talk about resting in God’s sovereignty, persevering when capacity is limited, and remaining faithful to your calling with joy and grit, even when obedience is costly. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

During my long illness and confinement to my room, the Bible has been almost a new book to me. And I see that God has always dealt with his children as he deals with them now, and that no new thing has befallen me. All these weary days so full of linger, these nights so full of unrest, have had their appointed mission to my soul. And perhaps I have had no discipline so salutary as this forced inaction and uselessness at a time when youth and natural energy continually cried out for room and work. Even now, no one can foretell the issue of this sickness. We live a day at a time, not knowing what shall be on the morrow. But whether I live or die, my happiness is secure. And so I believe is that of my beloved ones. Quote by Elizabeth Prentice from the book Stepping Heavenward. Elizabeth Prentice was a woman well acquainted with the pain of chronic physical suffering. Born in Portland, Maine, in 1818, she had her first taste of death stink when her father died of tuberculosis just before her ninth birthday. As Elizabeth grew up, she became intimately familiar with her own experience of physical ailment. It was written of her that her constitution was feeble, severe pain in the side, fainting turns, the sick headache, and other ailments troubled her more or less from infancy. By her twenties, she was writing letters to friends of her struggles with other things such as depression, headaches, angina, body pains, exhaustion, and strange neurological symptoms. Sadly, no doctor was able to help find a solution to these ailments. Shortly after her marriage to Reverend George Prentice, pastor of South Trinitarian Church in New Bedford, Massachusetts, Elizabeth began having children. Her secondborn, Eddie, was also plagued with frail health. In addition to that, the strain of caring for children worsened her existing issues. And she found herself spending an average of three days a week in bed with a headache. Despite these significant challenges, her faith and trust in the Lord's perfect plan and providence in her life remained steadfast. This continued even after the deaths of Eddie at four years old, and shortly after her third child, Bessie, at only one month old. Despite her overwhelming grief, she clung to the promises of God and repeated the refrain: God never makes a mistake. God never makes a mistake. We also see the magnitude of her faith in quotes of hers, like, There is no wilderness so dreary, but that his love can illuminate it, no desolation so desolate, but that he can sweeten it. I know what I am saying. It is no delusion. I believe the highest, purest happiness is known only to those who have learned Christ in sick rooms, in poverty, in racking suspense and anxiety, amid hardships and at the open grave. As Elizabeth's life continued, her life continued to be marked by the pain of illness and suffering in her life, her children's lives, and even her husband's. These years were not easy, and yet she did not discontinue her service to others or her love for the Lord. The presence of suffering in her life produced the most intimate understanding of the Lord's faithfulness to her, and was her source of constant joy and comfort. In times of improvement, she wholeheartedly gave herself to serving others in the church and devoting herself to her writing. It was said of her that her years of suffering had equipped her particularly well for a ministry of comfort to the ill and bereaved. It was this life of suffering that birthed the book, Stepping Heavenward. This book, still read today, mirrors many of the events of her own life while telling the story of a woman learning to depend on the Lord in the face of many trials. At the age of 59, Elizabeth Prentiss ended her battle with her failing body and went to her eternal rest. She left behind the legacy of a ministry to her family and countless others through her books and the famous hymn, More Love to Thee. In one of her final letters before her death, she writes, Much of my experience of life has cost me a great price, and I wish to use it for strengthening and comforting other souls. And indeed it has. Her faithfulness and willing to be used is an example to all of us of what it looks like to confidently trust the Lord's plan for our lives, to be used no matter what the cost, and to find real, lasting joy in the midst of unthinkable pain. The Keeping the Citadel Podcast exists to embolden women to transform their homes and lives into shining citadels for the glory of Christ and the spread of his kingdom. Hey friends, welcome back to the Keeping the Citadel Podcast. My name is Heather Faria, and I am your host, and today we will be discussing a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. And that is the topic of homeschooling through seasons of illness, in particular chronic pain or illness. However, we will also be speaking of other types of sickness like cold and flu season, as well as just dealing with general seasons of suffering. We are going to do our best to try and give an answer to the question: what does faithfulness look like when your body won't cooperate? This is a question I have had to ask myself several times over the course of my life. In fact, just to give a little backstory, this has really been a theme in my life since I was a kid. I grew up with a mom who battled chronic illness for most of my childhood. Despite dealing with tremendous amounts of pain, fatigue, and unanswered questions, I watched my mom persevere in homeschooling us, even when she had every reason to throw in the towel. Watching her strength in the midst of suffering made a tremendous impact on me and really taught me what it meant to suffer well. I had no idea the way that God was going to use that to prepare me for my own suffering. But at 16 years old, I found myself in the throes of my own battle with chronic illness. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 18 years old, and I've dealt with chronic nerve pain, migraines, and other health-related issues throughout my whole adult life. These health issues extended to my mothering when both of my babies were born traumatically, and I almost died during my second son's birth, but that's a story for another day. But their births both led to years of hospital visits, therapies, and extended periods of isolation due to illness. All this is to say that the path of chronic illness is one that I am pretty familiar with. I know all too well how incredibly difficult it is to endure these long seasons, especially as a homeschool mom. Which is why I really wanted to have this conversation on how we can be faithful in the midst of these seasons. As we wrap up this season of Advent, a season that is focused on longing and waiting, I felt that this conversation was especially timely. We are heading into a season that can often feel the longest and most wearisome to us homeschool moms. My hope is that the conversation you are about to hear fills your heart with hope and courage to keep pressing on in the good work you are called to. Before we begin, though, I just want to give a quick reminder that if you are new here in this first season of the Keeping the Citadel podcast, we have been discussing what it means for us as women to faithfully man our posts. This theme ties directly in with our first issue of our magazine, which is also titled Man Your Post. So if you haven't yet gone back and listened to those first episodes in this season or read that issue of the magazine, I highly encourage you to go back and check those out. So now with that said, let's go ahead and dive in. It is now my privilege to introduce a very special guest as well as someone who was a writer for the first issue, Beth Howard. Beth Howard runs Little World Wanderers, where she creates Charlotte Mason-inspired curriculum and resources for homeschooling families. She shares ideas for mother's education, seasonal learning, and intentional home rhythms. Her goal is to help mothers cultivate a rich learning life for themselves and their children. Beth also wrote an amazing article for our first edition of the magazine on fortitude for the mother. So if you haven't yet read read her article, be sure to go back and check that out as it was immensely encouraging. Beth, thank you so much for coming on today. I'm so excited for this chance for us to talk together in person. Yes. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

I'm I'm thrilled to be here.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

I'm so glad. Can you go ahead and introduce yourself to our listeners? Yeah. So I am a homeschooling mom.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Um, I'm a former teacher. So I started out teaching in North Carolina, and then my husband and I moved to Colorado, where we raise our two children. We have a daughter who is 12 and a son who is six. Um, and I have been homeschooling from the very beginning when my daughter was really tiny. We had thought about preschool, and we honestly we could not afford preschool. Um we realized I would have to go back to work full-time in order to afford part-time preschool. And that didn't seem like really the best use of our time or finances. So I figured I have a degree in education. I can probably figure this out for preschool at home and get her ready for kindergarten. And then I got her ready for kindergarten and it came time to enroll her. And I was not ready to enroll her. And I figured we've done a really good job. Let's just keep going. Yeah. Um, and then the pandemic happened and we decided we'll just see how it goes. Year by year, we'll continue. So now she's in the sixth grade and we are still continuing. And along those lines, or somewhere along that time frame, I found Charlotte Mason. Um, I read the book for the children's sake, and it's it's like everything came into color. Um and I I saw this beautiful philosophy for how I wanted my children's childhood to look, how I wanted our family to look. So I started reading any and everything I could about Charlotte Mason. And here we are, years and years later, uh, homeschooling under a Charlotte Mason philosophy. And it is, it's been so beautiful and wonderful and life-giving.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

That's awesome. That's so cool. Yeah, I've loved getting to see the resources that you've shared. You have some really amazing stuff, especially uh for mothers education.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Yes, mother's education is truly like my heart for the homeschooling community. Um, it comes from one, it's not my idea. It's Charlotte Mason's idea. Uh she she put so much trust and belief into mothers. She truly believed mothers are qualified and capable individuals who can educate their children, but that they needed to work to become, not become qualified and capable, but like continue their own education. And she she would say this thing. She said in home education, like, let the mother go out to play. But then she says, like, into a field for half a day and look at flowers or to an art museum and look at these paintings and just equip yourselves and immerse yourselves in this beautiful, rich, life-giving education. Um, and she even created a mother's education course of study that was three years long. And mothers would read through a book list and then they would send their written exams to her, which she would grade and send back. And it's, I loved it so much. Um I mean, I'm a teacher and I loved school. I love be like, I love being in school. So creating mother's education courses where moms and I, we read books and we do narrations and we just take this methodology that Charlotte Mason laid out for children and then do it for ourselves. And it it's so wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

That's so cool. Yeah, I I was homeschooled growing up. And I think one of the biggest gifts of the whole thing, I mean, there's so many gifts that I received as a result of being homeschooled, but uh one thing that I think really shaped me is that love for learning. That that learning is it's it's supposed to be a lifelong endeavor. It's not supposed to just end when you graduate. And um that has kind of always been the way I have pursued learning. Uh I want to learn. I'm curious, I want to be growing and and educating myself. And I think that that for some people, that's kind of a new idea if you've been educated in more of a traditional schooling system. And um I just I think that's especially so important for us because if we're going to be educating our own kids, they're only going to be as smart as we are. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

And we, when I was in the education system, we talked a lot about how do we create lifelong learners. And it's like, well, we don't do that by, you know, forcing them to read books. We do that by teaching them to love the story, to love books. We teach them to love and be curious and creative about the world around them. And I found as a mom, I mean, this is probably the embarrassing issue we all struggle with, right? Is in those pockets of time, what I wasn't reaching for was ways to be creative and encourage my mind and do something practical. Or it was my phone. I was picking up my phone and I would scroll my phone and I would see, you know, people putting their best foot forward on social media or things like that. And it's like, oh, look at this beautiful thing that they created. I don't have time for that. And then I would scroll. And if Charlotte Mason taught us anything, it's 20 minutes is a lot of time. Yeah. It's a whole math lesson. So for a mom, yeah, 20 minutes, you can sketch a bird, you could go outside, you can, there's so many things that we can do. But when you're in the trenches of motherhood and homeschooling, we often reach for that quick dopamine hit. And oftentimes it's our phone or like a snack or something.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Yeah, yeah. And it, you know, it's so important though for our kids to see us loving learning. We can't we can't pass on that love for learning if we're not modeling it ourselves. Exactly. Yeah. So I wanted to bring you on today because uh your first article that you wrote, um, well, the article that you wrote and in the first issue was on fortitude, like I mentioned. Yes. Fortitude for the mother. And I know you have shared on Instagram a little bit about your health journey. And I just thought between the two of those things that you would just be such an amazing person to have this discussion with today. And so can you share your journey with chronic illness and how that became part of your homeschooling story? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

So homeschooling with chronic illness has been the standard for me. Um I was diagnosed with an autoimmune uh thyroid condition called Graves disease when my daughter was about 18 months old. Um and if you or anybody doesn't know anything about your thyroid, um, it is like the control center for your whole body. Um, so it it runs your hormone, it regulates your hormones, your internal temperature, your heart rate. Your thyroid can actually control your heart rate. Um, how your hair grows, like so many things, your fertility. For women, it's it's big on fertility. And mine was just very overactive. Um so with Graves disease, you end up with a condition called hyperthyroidism, where your body is producing too much thyroid hormone. And it, I mean, it wrecked my body. I I dropped, I think, 70 pounds postpartum. And so many things commingled together where um it was easy to write it off. I was frustrated. I was angry. I was exhausted. I mean, I was so exhausted. I had lost so much weight. I had lost like my baby weight plus an extra 30 pounds. Oh, wow. And I was able to say, like, oh, it's because I'm breastfeeding. That's why I've lost the weight. Oh, it's because like I'm tired because I have a baby getting up in the middle. And my daughter did not sleep through the night until she was three. Um for a lot of reasons. You know, she just did not sleep through the night until she was three. So it's like, I'm tired because she doesn't sleep through the night. I'm frustrated because I'm tired. And it wasn't until a doctor was like, hey, you know, you're in your 20s, you've had a baby, we're gonna run routine labs on you. Um, and I did that for insurance reasons. And she called me and she said, Hey, you have Graves disease. You need to get into an endocrinologist. And at this point, like my resting heart rate was 120. Um, so even in my sleep, my heart rate was 120. It was like I was doing cardio 100% of the time, which is why I was so tired. And um we ultimately opted to have a total thyroid removal, um, a surgical removal of my thyroid and to go on medication to replace that because we were hoping to preserve fertility in order to grow our family.

SPEAKER_02 17:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

And we found out that later on that that was not the case. Um, I was diagnosed with secondary infertility after my daughter was born. Um, and then several years later, fast forward, I'm through, you know, one bout of toddlerism. And then we, our son joined us through domestic infant adoption, and he is now a toddler. And my Graves disease had come back and we didn't know it. And it prior to that, I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain condition. Um, and the graves disease paired with the fibromyalgia. Um it was a season. I I've said this to other people, the phrase like you can't see the forest through the trees. It it there were no forests, there was no trees, it was just entirely black. Um, I was in pain a hundred percent of the time. I had neuropathy in my hands, so I lost function of my hands. I had nerve pain across my face and down my spine. And it I was on the couch. I mean, for months, the only thing I could do was wake up, homeschool my children as subpar as I possibly could, homeschool my daughter, because my son was a toddler, take care of my toddler, and then go to bed and do it again. And I there were so many moments where around this time too, I started losing my vision. So I lost 60% of the vision in my right eye. And I went through multiple MRIs. Um, because when you say things like I have nerve pain and I'm losing function of my hands and I'm going blind, your doctors get very, very worried very quickly. And so it was just a about a year-long struggle with um so many things that put me into honestly, like it just put me into this place of like true depression and anxiety. And I look back on this time of my life and like I by God's grace, we made it through that. Um, and he like he definitely sustained some amount of functionality in me because I I was doing, I was bringing forth a hundred percent of what I could bring, but like really it was about zero percent of anything functional.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Yeah, yeah. Wow, thank you so much for sharing that. That's I uh it's so humbling to hear about the struggles that you had to go through. And I know that there's probably a lot of people who have gone through similar things to varying degrees, you know. And the sad thing that I've known and experienced as a result of chronic illness, uh especially with just with my mom and and the things that she's gone through and a lot of the tests that I've had to undergo is a lot of these things are invisible and some of them are not even able to be formally diagnosed, which is extremely frustrating. And so much of the pain of going through it is just trying to find answers. Yeah. And knowing that that there's something really going on. Yeah. Yeah. And that that can just be so discouraging when you're in the middle of that.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

And it it's hard too, because I mean, we all have different thresholds for things. What's hard for one person isn't hard for another. And so you can look at something and say, like, you know, this is really, really hard for me. And someone else could say, like, well, at least you're not dealing with XYZ. And it's like, yeah, I'm grateful that I'm not dealing with XYZ. But I mean, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I had terrible morning sickness. And at that point in my life, that was like the hardest thing that I had been going through. Um, and now I look at it, I'm like, oh man, morning sickness would be but I it's because I've faced so many more things. So we tend to, at least on my Part. Like I tend to downplay what I've gone through. And then when I talk about it, I'm like, oh man, that might be a lot for me to tell someone. Um, because I downplay it in a way of like, yeah, but this is my normal. Like I have a friend when I share, like, oh yeah. She's like, so when was the last time you were in pain? I'm like, oh, I'm in pain every day. Yeah. I was like, I I don't know. I have a chronic pain disease. She's like, you went skiing last week. And I was like, yeah, like it hurt, but I don't know. I can still do stuff.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

You you learn how to make it the norm. You you learn how to adjust and to keep living. And you can't just live in a place of it being, you know, the the most dominating thing going on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

And I I think a lot of that growth has come from I lived in the place where it was the most dominating thing in my life. Yeah. When I was through first with that massive pain flare and my Graves disease at the same time. It's like, yeah, that it that consumed every ounce of what I was doing and thinking. And it I it was a miserable way to live, honestly. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

I I actually went through um two seasons in particular that I can think of where those flare-ups were extremely life dominating. And it's no way to live. It's no way to live when I mean it to a certain extent, you have to accept the suffering that you're dealing with, and you can only do so much. Um if if you truly are physically incapable of getting out of that flare-up, then you just have to trust the Lord through that. But in in terms of anxiety and the all-consuming nature of just being in that place of darkness and depression that that comes from being in those times of illness, I I learned through those experiences that this is something you just you can't you can't keep living in this state. You have to learn how to just accept it and deal with it and live. Otherwise, it will it will suck any bit of life that you have.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Exactly. I so I went through that first pain flare um in the winter time. And when you have fibromyalgia, and you know this and chronic pain, um, your brain interprets basically every sensation as painful. So I would be cold and I'm just like, I'm in pain. Yes. And then I would blame the cold. And it's like, you're not in pain. You're cold. You're okay. You're not in pain, you're fine.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

But the following winter, when I was not in a flare, I had such bad anxiety about getting cold.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

It was always in the cold for me too. I remember after my first one, I think I wore like three layers of leggings under my jeans.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

I'm like, but what if I get cold? So I started um that winter was also just like anxiety ridden. I was like, hey, I did okay, but like I didn't want to go play in the snow with my family because what if I get cold? What if snow gets down my jacket and I get cold and then it hurts and then I'm in a pain flare and I spiral. And so the following summer, um, I started doing like increasing the time, but after my shower, I would turn it cold, like all the way down, as cold as it could go. And I would try to like count to 10 and then increase the time, like a cold plunge, but we don't have a cold plunge pool. So um I was like, but then I would tell my brain, like, you're just cold, you're just cold. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

You're so do you know what though? I love that so much because even just with something that simple, you are you are doing the action of retraining your mind. Yes. And and you are practicing what fortitude and grit looks like in the midst of something. You're training yourself for endurance for what you know is ahead. And and I I think that that is really how we get through things like this.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Yes. Yeah. And I I mean, the fall the next this winter, I'm like, oh, I can go outside without a jacket. I'm okay. I can go skiing. And it's, I mean, it's still achy, but like I'm not, I'm not a mess about it. And that's where I look at all of these situations. You're the story about your mom is so encouraging to me because I want to, I have conditions that are genetic. Um, I could have potentially passed them to my daughter. So I want to have this example to her of what does a life well lived look like when you are, you know, you have to not just you don't just want to endure and get through, but truly to like thrive in whatever life, you know, gives you.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Um I get frustrated sometimes because there are moments where I'm just like, I would love to have a fully healed body this side of heaven. It likely is never going to happen. Um, I mean, I don't have a thyroid. So like obviously that's not gonna go away. Um, well, it has gone away. It won't come back.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

But, you know, if the work the Lord has for me here requires a body that is broken and that does have chronic conditions, and like, how can I live and serve faithfully? Like like this.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Yeah. And that that is part of his good and perfect plan for you to have this type of suffering as part of your story. Yes. The story that he is telling through you.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Yes. And I I think so many times, especially as moms and women, um, we are particularly affected by perfectionism. So our effort sometimes, at least for me, I won't speak for you know, every woman listening to this. Sometimes my effort matches like, well, is the situation perfect? And then I'll give my best effort. And I've had you break that down entirely. Like the situation cannot be perfect. It it won't ever be perfect. Um, our homeschool, my health, is never going to be perfect, but I can still give a hundred percent of my effort to the task at hand.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Yes. Yes, amen to that. That actually totally um leads into the next question here of were there moments when you felt tempted to believe that because you couldn't give as much as you wanted, you should give up homeschooling altogether. And yeah. How did you discern that homeschooling was still what the Lord was calling you to, even as your health was declining? So um it actually was my husband.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Um, I my daughter was in third grade when all of this was going on. Um she was like about eight um when all of this was happening. My son was three. So he was not being homeschooled. Um, but I I hit a point where I couldn't do it anymore. Um I just couldn't. I I could not show up every day feeling like feeling the way I felt and giving myself and the way that I was giving myself. And it was my husband who he actually um, I was finally like, I I need to enroll her in school. I can't, I can't do this. And he goes, That's the wrong choice for our family. I was like, you don't understand, like, I can't take this anymore. I can't do it. And his concern was, um, I I do love homeschooling. I, you know, it is ingrained in the culture of our family. Um, this way of life is deeply ingrained. And he even told somebody recently, he's like, to untangle that from our family would take a lot of work. Um and that's not a reason to continue homeschooling. It is also serving our children very, very well. Um, but it's just how we live. And he goes, I'm worried that if you don't, if you don't homeschool anymore, you will find your identity and your chronic illness and your pain. And that is all you're gonna focus on. He said, You need something else to focus on right now. And he was right. Like I did. Um, Charlotte Mason, you said mentioned earlier retraining your brain. Charlotte Mason would call it change your thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Um, you need to change your thoughts. You need something else to focus on. And this is going through when you are able to. I know that there are some conditions that you you can't right now, and that is okay. I could not at that moment just switch it off. I this has taken years of retraining my brain to be able to do it. But in that moment, it was my husband saying, This is the wrong choice, and you need to keep going.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Um well, I think that was so wise on your husband's part, and uh that he was considering your well-being. And even though your your that this would cost you physically, he knew that this was going to be better for your mental and spiritual state. Yes. And uh I mean, it says in Romans uh 12 that we're to renew our minds, we're to be um transformed by the renewing of our minds. And I I found too, I remember when I was 16 um that I went through a year where I was completely isolated. I barely left my house. And I uh was so consumed by just the terror of all of these crazy symptoms that were happening to my body at the time that um I I I couldn't leave my house or do anything. I cut back on serving in church and all these things that I had become accustomed to. And at 17, I went out and got my first job. And it was just, you know, I was I was a hostess at a restaurant. But it was that action that really helped me get out of that flare-up and out of that place of of despondency because I had to be busy enough to get my mind off of myself. And so I I am such an advocate for how, regardless of of our level of pain or fatigue or anything, we need to have something purposeful that we're doing as a way to serve. And um, especially now that our callings are mothers and educators of our children, what better way for us to be pouring our service and sacrificing and our time and energy, even if it is, you know, minimal energy, for us to be focusing our efforts on serving them instead of just sitting there.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Yeah, focusing on how bad we feel. Exactly. And I at no point in that school year did my daughter struggle through anything academically. She's still, and I mean, she we do state testing in Colorado and like she passed the state test with flying colors, like above where she needed to be. And I was like, okay, because the effort I was putting in was spent on her and my son. We were, you know, we were together, and I I probably read him like 200 plus picture books that year. Like it, that's just what I could do. So like we read a lot of books. We we did a lot of, you know, faithful things from the couch during that season.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

That's great. Yeah, another way that I have dealt with kind of these battling doubts of not being enough is both of my kids have um their own learning disabilities. They have a few learning disabilities that they deal with. And I know in in my ideal vision of what I want our homeschooling journey to be is that I, you know, I have these ideas of what where I want them to be, how I want them to be educated, and you know, what the perfect education for them that I could give them would be and the result and uh what it, you know, the Lord made them who they are. Yeah. And and he had a purpose and a plan for that, and none of it was a mistake. And he also ordained for me to be their mother. And so I remember last year I was really struggling with that sense of just feeling like I was not enough, that what I had to give them was not enough. And for their particular set of learning needs, that I was not um somehow able to help them get further along at the pace that I wanted them to be at. And um, and I I just remember feeling like this what we are producing here is so small um compared to what I would like them to be producing. And something that really, really just completely transformed the way I was thinking about this was I I heard somebody say something about how we are just supposed to offer our loaves and fishes to the Lord and and that he takes them and he multiplies it. And so even if through if if my kids in with their varying degrees of of learning disabilities or me with my health, if all we're able to offer are loaves and fishes, or or like the widow, you know, just offering her might and um how how Jesus said that that was worth more than all that the Pharisees and the rich people were able to offer in their tithes and offerings. And so that was so encouraging to me because I often just feel like I somebody else could do this better. I'm holding my children back. And I have been so comforted and knowing that all I need to do is offer him my loves and fishes, and he is going to multiply it and make much with it. He is the one who is who is doing the work here. He is in charge of my children's education. And regardless of my efforts and my skills and abilities, he is going to do a great work here.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

Yes. I so I come back to the loaves and fishes all the time, especially with my business. Like I, Lord, I've got I've got loaves and fishes. And if you want this to do anything, you're gonna you're gonna have to spur it on a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and and he's so faithful though. I think that that is such a mark of his character that he delights in using the weak things that he wants to show that what he can do through the weak and the frail, and um those of us who feel that that what we have to offer is not enough, and he does miracles. And then we can stand and see all that he does and know that it was him. Because we certainly, like you were saying, you know, your kids were still being educated, even though what you had to give was minimal at best.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Yeah. And I I think so many times we consider um homeschooling or, you know, raising children or taking care of our homes or running businesses or things like that. And we say, it's if we can't do it perfectly, it's not worth doing. And really the script needs to be if we need to do it faithfully. We're not we don't have to do it perfectly, but it needs to be done faithfully. And we'll make progress faithfully, you know, contributing to our children's education over a long period of time better than we will if we, you know, give a couple days or one day perfectly. Our children need that faithfulness from us. Um and there's a I think there's a big difference between like I'm going through a season where not scale back. So I don't wanna, I don't wanna misconstrue anything. My children's education is a major priority in our home. Um sometimes we need to take a step back and evaluate how to make sure that we are faithfully, you know, doing things in our home in a way that serves all of the people because we're moms, we are also people in our home. Um we need to evaluate that appropriately. And there are there are circumstances where I think the best thing to do for your child or your person, yourself as a person is to maybe consider school, like build my children will say building school. Um or something like that. It's the building school. Um, but like sometimes that is not an unreasonable thing to pray through and work through and consult people on. Um other times you can look at that and say, you know what? While that might be a good option, it is not the right option for our family right now. If my health, you know, got to the point where I was like long-term hospitalized or something like that, then perhaps we would make different considerations. But this was a season we were able to pull through. Yeah um faithfully.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

So yeah, I think you have to have the wisdom and discernment to ask those questions and not make hard and fast rules like what does this look like? And and be willing to be flexible uh about what what does school look like? And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

I think too, if we navigate homeschooling from a place of fear, then we end up feeling trapped. If it's I have to homeschool because I can't do these other options, then instead of it being a calling, now it's like a it's a cage, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:43

So yeah, I I'm a very big um proponent of encouraging women that homeschooling, you need to homeschool from a place of faith and conviction and not from fear. Because Exactly while while we do want to protect our children from these things in the world, and we want to make sure that we are giving our children a Christian education and um that they're not getting indoctrinated by, you know, false ideologies. We we if we are coming at it from a place of fear, then we will be passing down that legacy of fear to our kids. And what is what we need to be what we should be doing and what we want to be doing through home educating is is a legacy of faith.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

Yeah. Yeah. So what would you say we were talking about how we have limited capacities. How do you discern what that looks like? Like what does it look like to kind of navigate, okay, well, this is my capacity for this in this season? And how do you kind of guard against guilt when you are having to have those times of pulling back and and knowing that what you're doing is enough at in that particular season?

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Yeah. So I think to guard against guilt, one of the things I always factor in is that the people in my home deserve the best of me. Um and if I can't give them the best of me, I should not be giving that to others first. Um, so uh have you heard of the spoon theory? No. Oh, okay. There's this interesting analogy for people who have chronic illnesses or chronic pain, and it's called the spoon theory. And it's everybody gets a set number of spoons a day. So, like let's say you get, you know, 10 spoons. Um, so everything you do takes a spoon, right? You get dressed and that's a spoon, like you spend it. Um, people without chronic illnesses might have unlimited number of spoons. They might have like 50 spoons or 100 spoons. But if you have chronic pain, like your spoons are more limited. So if you spend them, all of them, on something else, you don't have enough left over to uh, you know, make dinner. Um sometimes making dinner costs four spoons because you have all of these things. So it's basically just this idea that like you're you're spending your energy. And I think it this is something that's hard for people who don't navigate life with chronic pain. It's like that fatigue can end up hitting you real hard real fast. Um so it's like, yeah, sometimes today I have energy to like work out, but I don't have the energy to make dinner. So my husband has to make dinner. Um, so for the guilt why or guilt part, I try to make sure that I am spending my energy or my time or my, you know, capacities on the people in my home first. Yeah. Making sure that they are cared for, that they have their needs, and then my needs are met. Have I like moved my body? Have I read? Have I done these things? Um, and that shifts. Sometimes I'm right now I'm in a season where I'm actually like health-wise doing really fantastic. So I'm able to pour more into community and things like that. But sometimes I'm not, and I have to pull back. And it is being open and honest with others and saying, like, hey, yeah, this is kind of what this is like right now. And I need some grace. Um, I've never had someone who has said, like, no, no grace for you. Like, you can't. Um, and I I also try to make sure that like with friends, because I have relationships with people that I love dearly outside of my home and they matter to me. So I I say yes with full conviction that I will be here. When I say yes, I show up. And when I say no, it really is like, hey, this isn't because of you. Like, I show up when I say I'm going to. I'm so if I can't do that without complaining or whining about it or knowing that it's going to deplete me to the point where I'm not usable in other areas of my life, then I say no. Um, and I like I just I think more people should do that, honestly. Like, if you can't say yes without whining about it, then maybe you should say no. Because nobody likes it when someone shows up and it's like, oh man, this took so much effort for me to do this thing for you. It's like it just Just go move the couch. It's fine. And if you can't move the couch without complaining, then maybe don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

Yeah, and I think what you are talking about really speaks to wisdom and having good stewardship. This is something that I thought my mom modeled for me really well and that I really learned from her is just knowing that it's okay in those seasons, those flare-up seasons, those long seasons of pain, to say no and to be honest and to let people know and that without guilt, right now it's time that I have to use the energy that I have on my family. And if I'm going, if I'm going to be doing something that it needs to be just for my family right now. But something that I also saw my mom do, and something that, you know, both of us together, I think, have um really tried to work on throughout the years. And I've not always been great at this. This is something that the Lord has had to grow in me in my own journey of grit and fortitude, is learning how, in the good times when you are feeling really well, of really pursuing health and actively doing the things that you need to do to make your body strong and as healthy as it can be, so that you can pour out for others. Because that's that's really why we're here. And that really should always be the goal of why are we pursuing good health? Yes, we want to feel good, but we want to be able to continue to be pouring out for the people that God has put in our lives. And we can't do that if we are not being um good stewards when when the sun is shining. And so uh I think it's I think a really important part of being faithful with chronic illness is being faithful when you feel really good. And and exercising your body, eating healthy, you know, doing whatever um supplements or regimens or things that that you know help you to be the best version of yourself because when that crash comes, that will help you to get through and be better equipped for that when it does come, you know.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

And I I went through a bout of anxiety over this, especially with school. Um and my friend um faithfully called me out on it. Uh I I think having friends and family around you who can help pull you out of the trenches can be really wonderful as well. So I was very stressed about my daughter's school the following year after my my first major pain flare. And I was pushing her too hard. I was pushing myself too hard. And I had a friend of mine who um she equated it to the Israelites in um the Israelites when they were in the desert and they are trying to save their mana and they're hoarding it. Yes. And she's like, what I was doing was when I was feeling really, really good, I was trying to cram more school in in case I felt bad later and I couldn't do it or do it as well and I had to back off. And she's like, I think you're trying to store up mana and you you shouldn't be right now. Right, like I come back to this all the time. When I when I feel really, really good, I'm I have done two things, both poorly, and now I I have more temperance. I'm I either wasn't doing anything because I was so worried about the next flare or the next time I was gonna feel terrible. I was like, I have to conserve all of this energy, which is a form of storing up mana. It's like I need to conserve all of this and hold my energy because the next time I feel bad, I need to like have this like sit. It's like your sleep bank, right? Like, I'm gonna sleep in because tomorrow I have to be up late. It's like it doesn't work like that. You're still gonna be tired. Yeah. Um, or I was like cramming so much in in places where it it really didn't need to be crammed in. Um my third grader, second grader was she was fine. We're fine here. Um but I was trying to cram in so much. So the next time I felt bad, I had like this reserve to draw upon. And really, what it comes down to is just living faithfully in whatever season you're in. So taking the effort that you have and giving yourself fully to it when you have that and when you don't have as much effort or as much energy to give, still giving yourself fully and faithfully to the rightly ordered things. Um unrightly ordered things might be, you know, creating social media content, not for everybody, but for some people. That might be something that has been elevated above, you know, faithfully reading to your children when your effort is low. Yeah. Like social engagements, sometimes social engagements, I mean, and I'm not saying I know that sometimes this is an area of gray for some families, and especially in the Christian culture, where it's like, well, you should give yourself fully to your family and you don't have time for friends. And I don't think that's true. We're made for fellowship, we're made for relationship, um, even with people outside of our family and outside of our homes. But like going out with friends or doing, you know, multiple book clubs or multiple things that take you away from your home when you're not feeling well and you have nothing left to give at home might be a misaligned, you know, order of affections.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

So you really like you do have to dial that in. And I would, I would honestly say that's for any mom, even if you don't have, you know, chronic conditions. If you are a younger mom who's homeschooling your first grader and you have multiple littles, like every single social engagement for your homeschooler, I think it's great for homeschoolers to get out and get around people. My daughter dances multiple days a week, my son does sports and stuff like that. Like we are an active family. But elevating that above the people in your home might be a misaligned use of your time.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Yes. And and I think it comes back to capacity is what what somebody else what someone else's capacity is for that high level of activity. It might not be that way for you. And and, you know, capacities ebb and flow with different seasons of life. And so I I think we have to be really wise about what our capacity is. And like you were saying, the right ordering of affections, um, making sure that we are prioritizing our our energy for our family first. So yeah, I think that's really good. I I was thinking too when you were talking, um, something else that has helped me is when in those times when I am feeling well, is thinking of not thinking of my identity as a sick person or as a weak person. Because I think that's really, really easy for people who struggle with lots of health issues, is thinking of yourself as I, well, I'm uh, you know, I'm just weak, I'm so tired, I'm I'm always sick, or and and that has been me for a lot of my life. And I think because of that type of thinking that that you can get in the rut of not pursuing strength and and grit and and good health. And so something that has really just drastically changed my my spiritual health as well as my physical health is thinking of myself as I am somebody, and instead of thinking of myself as I am somebody who's weak and and sickly, is I am somebody who is pursuing health. And and um it's not gonna look the the way it necessarily does for someone who's able to run a marathon every couple months and you know, lift massive weights or whatever, you know, that person's capacity is. But what is my capacity? What can I do to be someone who is actively pursuing health? And I think even when we are in seasons of flare-ups, we can still be thinking of ourselves in that way. Even if we are like you were saying, you know, bedridden or or couch ridden, uh, what can we be doing in that season to be pursuing health? Um, and and that's one, I not only does that help us to be more fruitful and and able to serve our families and taking the focus off of ourselves, but I think it really helps us just have a general, more positive outlook, you know. Yeah. It's a much um more victorious place to to be in when you're thinking of of that in the in those terms versus I'm already defeated, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

And one of the things that I truly like kind of brought me back to life when I was first going through all of this was um there were a couple of so I read a handful of books. Um I read a book called This Two Shall Last. Um, and you haven't heard of that one. Oh, you have to actually you have to read it. Who is who is it by? Uh it's by Casey. Oh gosh, I'm in a I blanking on her last name. Um, I'll make sure you get the title of the author. I'll look it up. Um so I read a book, This Two Shall Last. And it was basically like, how do you persist when suffering continues? Like when it doesn't go away. Because for some, it doesn't go away. You there are season like the baby phase, they grow up. And then you forget. You forget that they were awake 19 times last night and that they spit up in your hair, and like you forget those things because they're chubby and adorable and like the most amazing creatures, right? Um that is not suffering, but that's something to kind of endure a little bit for a period of time. And then there are things that we are asked to continue. I'm so I have secondary infertility. This is something I've been navigating with 11 years now, for 11 years. And it it likely will never be something that is, you know, solved. Um so I'm asked to endure and how it's uh I cannot say if you are somebody who is going through something like this, like it's really that acceptance bridge that you can live, like God can give you a full and worthy life, you know, with persistent issues. Um, and then I read a book called The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating. And it is about a what a funny name. It's so wonderful. These are such interesting book recommendations. So it's about a woman who ends up sick and she is bedbound, and a friend gifts her a snail. Like she finds a snail in the forest and she puts it in a terrarium. And this woman just it's like her observations of the snail, and it's also her reflections on navigating, and she eventually gets better. And she is able, but she's moves back with her parents and she's in this like little cottage and she has her snail that she's observing. And it for a year she has the snail. Uh, we got snails after that. I love this book so much. It's one of my favorite books. Um, and I read it first when I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and I was just like, oh my gosh, like look, look at what she did. So I I read these two books, and then I had an MRI um on my brain and my spine. And it was one of those ones where they have to like cage your face in, and you can't make goodness and you there's no like you're just listening to basically an AOL dial-up machine for 45 minutes. And I they told me they're like, okay, this is gonna take about an hour. You know, we'll do the IV for the second half to get the contrast in and um don't move. Or we have to start over. And I was just like, okay. And then they like strapped my face down and I I got into the machine and I just about like started to have a panic attack. And I was like, I can't do this. And it's it's one of those things where it's like the only way out is through. Like you have to, you have to do this. Like you have to, because we need to rule out some scary diagnoses. And I closed my eyes, and Charlotte Mason wants children to leave school with pictures. We do picture study where we look at paintings and we try to put them in the hallway of our imagination. And they're supposed to hang there, that you can go back and like walk these hallways and think and know and see these paintings. And I closed my eyes and I did a picture study in this MRI machine. And I just pulled up all of these pictures in my brain that my daughter and I had studied. And that moment was so life-changing for me because it it showed me that we don't just anchor ourselves to beauty because Charlotte Mason says we should, or the homeschool Instagram community says you should do a picture study. We anchor ourselves to beauty because it gives us this life raft when things get very hard.

SPEAKER_00 57:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:45

Um I was in this MRI machine and I physically I'm there. Mentally, I'm in this art gallery with paintings that I had studied with my daughter. And I got to, I got to go back and think about that. And then I I started thinking about like, we don't we don't sing hymns because our, you know, church tells us to. The hymns connect us to saints who have gone before us. That people in hardships, some of my favorite hymns have been written out of times of true despair. Like, there's nothing to sing about, there's nothing to glorify here, but there's God, there is something. So we have these pockets of beauty that the Lord gives us because He loves us. And when things get really hard, we can think about beautiful things like a poem or a hymn or a picture. So I kind of took that back from the MRI machine and I started pulling books that I was gonna read while uh all I could do was like reflect on beautiful things. And I read through like this canon of books, and then six months later, I wrote out a mother's education program. And I started sharing it on Instagram with other moms, and now it's become this seasonal thing where I invite other moms in. And every season I release a new book list and we do notebooking and nature study and all, and my encouragement for moms is things, yeah, like there's things are hard always. There's always going to be something new and something difficult to work through. But look at this like rich, life-giving things that God has offered us that we don't always deserve, but we have them and we can go outside. And like there is true joy and beauty in noticing flowers. So we should notice them.

SPEAKER_00 59:33

Um yeah. I I'm sorry to cut you off. I just I love what you're saying so much. And this is this just this echoes my heart and and my passion and desire for what I want to communicate to women about suffering and God's purpose in it so much. And this is actually going to be the theme of the next issue of the magazine. The next issue is called The Battle for Beauty, and and it's going to be talking all about suffering and how um how pursuing beauty is is what God uses to help anchor us through those times of suffering and give us hope. And how that is such a worthy thing for us to pursue in the midst of suffering and because it pushes back the darkness and it shows that that God is still there, that God is still creating, that he is still resurrecting, that he is still doing something new. And it it just makes me think I mentioned Advent a little bit in the beginning, but how d Advent is a time where we are purposefully waiting. That's the whole point of Advent is waiting. And nobody, nobody likes waiting. And not only is Advent about waiting, but it's about waiting in the dark. And and but we are waiting not just in the darkness. We're not just the people who are walking in darkness. We have seen a great light. And at Christmas, this is what we are celebrating, is that we have in these times of suffering, in these times of waiting, we have this anchor of knowing that the light has come and that in all of our suffering that we have to endure now, that we know that that light is coming again because Jesus is going to come again. And that just comforts my heart so much is knowing that, because nobody likes waiting. I certainly do not like waiting. And I've had to spend much of my life waiting for for things. And yet God has said that that is good and that He is doing something in the midst of that waiting, that there is a great purpose for that. And I think especially for those of us who are dealing with seasons where we are not able to be as productive and we are kind of, you know, sentenced to this season of inactivity that we can feel useless and that we can feel like we are not really glorifying God because we aren't able to produce that much. And yet God is seeing that as still honoring to him and glorifying to him when we are just resting in him and trusting him and and obeying him, even if it looks like an activity, that that is precious in the eyes of God, our waiting seasons, our suffering seasons, where all that we can do, the only action that we can do is trusting him, that that he sees that as worthy and um and that he has he is not just about functionality and productivity, which is why I think beauty is so important for us as Christians to be actively pursuing. Like beauty is not um frivolous. It's not something that we should just say, oh, that's not practical. You know, we just need to focus on minimalism, practicality, getting things done. All those things are are are good, but but beauty, God created it for a reason and it reflects his character. And we have to remember that that if God created it, it is it is a reflection of who he is, and that's not something that we just lay aside as worthless. And so um I I think that it is one of the best things that that you can do if you are in a season of suffering is pursue what beauty has the Lord put in my life that I can give him thanks for, and what can I create, even even with whatever abilities I have, what can I do to create beauty here today that will be an anchor of hope for this season?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:06

Yes, I I mean I'm a hundred percent in agreement with you on that.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:12

So let's go ahead and shift to um some practical wisdom that we can give to ladies who are in these seasons, especially in regards to homeschooling. What uh practical changes have you made to your homeschool rhythms during these flare-ups?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:32

Yeah, so I'm one, I stopped berating myself for what I cannot do. Okay. Um that is that has been a big point of like I I don't look, I've stopped comparing, honestly. Um I've gotten, I've reined in my social media habit to the point where like I'm not comparing that this family was able to go and do this major, wonderful, beautiful project that is right for them. Yeah, but maybe not right for me in this season. Um I stopped kind of looking. I I try to evaluate like, am I giving a hundred percent to this task? Even if my hundred percent, if if it's a loaves and fishes, have I given all of my loaves and my fishes to this?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:15

Um I try very, very hard to get the sleep that I need. Um, so making sure that I'm getting sleep, making sure that I am drinking water, um, just basic care of me as a person. I am eating the right things. I am drinking enough water, I am getting enough sleep. And I know if you have mom, or if you're a mom of like tiny, tiny humans, the enough sleep is like really hard. So maybe that looks like taking a nap some days. Um I I unapologetically say no to certain tasks at certain times. I've started like time blocking my day. So we do school in the morning because that is what works best for us or has in the past. Now our school day extends, but like between this hour and this hour, This is when I am doing laundry. And sometimes it doesn't get done. And that's okay. We have to be okay. I'm being communicate communicative with especially my husband. Like, hey, I'm actually in a lot of pain today. Um, I might need to do, you know, this thing later. Usually it's like, I might need to go do like, I might need to stretch today, this evening after dinner, or I might need you to put the kids, my littlest, to bed, um, so that I can have a longer wind down period. Um, so really just being open and honest, because I mean, we say it all the time. Like, your husband can't read your mind. He doesn't know. If you don't communicate, but if you don't communicate and then you hold it in, like that can lead to resentment. Um because they also, our husbands also have things going on. Like we need to communicate with them.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:55

Yeah. And it's not any holier to be a martyr about things. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:00

No. But what it will do is ruin your relationship with your husband. Yes, um, yeah. And I think so. Another thing, like, I also have celiac disease. I just have like I use my deck of cards. Oh my gosh. Again, when I start talking about it, people, I'm just like, oh yeah, that kind of is a lot. Um, I had a I had a moment last week. I was very, or a couple weeks ago, I was very upset. I was very frustrated. I'm I won't get into all of the reasons why. Um, nothing to do with my family. Just like there was just it was a compounding thing, and I was throwing myself just a whole pity party. And I text my friend and I was like, and I can't even eat a cracker. Sometimes it's the little things. Like, I just I can't even go and like eat this thing. I can't take commute like the same communion wafer as everybody else. I can't have so um I have to be very open and communicative with my extended family about celiac disease. And we're I'm visiting them right now and we're gonna plan to go out to dinner. And that requires me calling multiple restaurants to check on the protocol. You know, can you safely accommodate celiac? Do you have a reservation? Okay, moving on to the next one. But I have to be very open to them because they they don't navigate this every single day. So they don't know that if you have celiac disease, you need a different cutting board. They don't know that you can't use the same peanut butter. Um, but I what I could do, the wrong thing I could do is not tell them these things and then sit and stew on it and let it fester. Yeah. And it will because how could you not know? How would you not realize that if you put your peanut butter knife on this gluten bread and back in, it's gonna spread crumbs and like now I'm gonna get sick and are they are they like I could martyr myself to that point.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:57

And really what it is is just having an open communication of like, hey, this is how I need to be kept safe in the kitchen, or could you label that jar with a peanut butter, like the gluten jar? And can I have a separate jar? And they are so happy and willing and gracious to accommodate this for me. And my because they want what's best for me. They want me healthy, they love me, they care for me. My husband does too, my kids do too. So my friends, all so if we have this idea of the practicality of it, bringing it back to the original question, is remembering that you have people in your corner who love and care for your health and well-being. And it's okay to talk to them and you should be talking to them because by not doing that, by not keeping open lines of communication, you're gonna you're gonna have these like pockets of resentment. And that is the worst thing. So if you're navigating life with autoimmune and you are trying to do all of the things, talk about it. Not to the point where you're like, you're whiny, nobody should whine, but like just having this open line of communication with the people in your life who love you and care for you. And that that is a good thing to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:09

Yeah, well, I think what you are saying is what's key to what you're saying is the heart posture and being open and communicative with your family members and friends is you're coming at it from a heart posture of humility and graciousness, and that you are taking responsibility for your own health instead of um pushing that responsibility onto someone else to manage for you and burdening them with it. And you are um you're not doing it to garner sympathy and attention. And I think that that's really what's key is when are we having it's it's not uh bad to and it's not burdening people to include them in your suffering, but we need to make sure that we're doing it in a way that isn't attention seeking or um seeking sympathy or or pity or, you know, even like you were saying, coming at it from a place of resentment, because that is not going to be a blessing to anybody. It's not going to be a a light and a a good witness. And so I I do think that it is a temptation for people who are going through seasons of illness to want to revert to that state of martyrdom and complaining and all that. But it's so important that we have that heart posture of, you know, this and and what it really comes down to is trusting the Lord with his lot for us. Yes and because we can't be loving others and the way that we are interacting with them with our illness if we are not trusting the Lord over what he has given us. And so if we are if we are actually bitter about the lot that God has given us, that's gonna come out in the way we are interacting with others. Yeah. Yeah. So what would you also say is a like it what would be your bare minimum? These are the basics. This is what we're gonna do today for school. Um, when you're going through times of of struggle that you know, like, okay, if we covered these spaces, this is good and this is enough, and this is me being faithful today. Yes. So I'm math, we do math every day.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:33

Um, we do math every day and a narration, a written narration for my daughter. If we do math and a written narration, I will be okay today. And usually the written narration is based off of a book that we are she is reading or I am reading. With my son, it's math and reading lesson. If we get through those two things, then we'll be fine. Um so I am very, very faithful to math. I'm very faithful to our narrations and our, you know, getting through our books part. Um, and we almost never I I won't say we never call it. We almost never have to call it after math and narration. Um but you learn, I mean, your your kids learn so much through reading and narrating. Like that that is the premise of a Charlotte Mason education. We try to get outside every single day if possible. We also have a dog that like he has to go outside, and we have chickens that live outside, so like we have to go get them sometimes. Um so really it's like those two things. If we're reading together and we do math, I'm like, cool, we've checked the box. Yeah. Um I think so many times we get caught up in like, especially, okay, we're in the advent season, so Christmas school in the homeschool world is a thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:51

And it's like, I I don't have the capacity this year for Christmas school. Our curriculum right now does not lend us to take a month off for Christmas school anyway. But like my daughter just got done dancing the nutcracker, we traveled. It's it is impossible for me to fit this in. And I was like, is this going to be life-giving to my family? No, okay, this is not a requirement. Yeah. Is it a requirement that during the month of December or all months of the year, but like during the month of December, will I remind my children or read the gospel to them? And we talk about how Jesus was born. Like, yeah, and if that's what I do, that that is good and faithful and good enough. Yes. Um, I think we get caught up in all of this, like, oh, we have to do all of these things. We have to do this nature study program and this thing and this thing and this thing. It's like, no, that you're not called to do all of the extras. You have to be faithful to I in my house, it's we have to be faithful to math and narration.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:52

Like those are my two big ones. Well, and speaking going back to my experience with my mom growing up, you know, she I was I got a really good education through homeschooling. She did a really great job. But I will say that one of, I mean, probably the most valuable lesson that she gave me was the school of fortitude. Yeah. And and I I I really want to encourage you listeners, don't underestimate the power of having your kids go through the school of fortitude, through suffering. I I think that that oftentimes as moms, especially if if we're the one who is the cause of the suffering um or struggle, like for example, with sickness, that we can carry that sense of guilt and not giving our kids enough. But it is so good for our kids to see how to deal with suffering and how to deal with illness and inconvenience. And this is this is something I am so passionate about because what it does is when your kids see you in weakness, trusting God, glorifying him, giving him thanks, continuing to work hard and sacrifice yourself even when you don't feel well for your family, your kids are learning what it means to suffer well. And they are learning things like they don't need to fear every little sickness or illness or thing that might come along, and how to be cheerful in in the midst of hard times, how to laugh and how to view themselves as characters and an adventure. Because I mean, what adventure doesn't have times of suffering, right? Yes. This is what makes our stories interesting. And so whether it's your suffering or your kids' suffering, when your kids go through this, they're getting to learn how to be good characters and how to persevere. And uh I think even if if you are somebody who is listening and you aren't like I said, we were gonna talk about just cold and flu season, if you're not somebody who struggles with with chronic illness, everybody gets sick in the winter, you know, or wait or whatever time of year we have seasons of the year where we are dealing with the cold or or flu. And I think in our culture, especially in like mom culture, there there's this trend to kind of be the sickness police and you know, try and be the detective that hunts down the source of who started the sickness that is now spread to everybody. And don't think that your kids aren't picking up on that, you know? And what is really the heart attitude that is going behind something like that is you are resenting that season because it is inconvenient and uncomfortable for you to go through a period of sickness or you you aren't able to somehow participate in something anymore, and and so now you have to miss out on it. Well, that's an opportunity to teach your kids how we respond to disappointment. And it is that is a good thing for them when even if you are just dealing with a season of being sick all winter with various colds or flus. Use this time as a time to teach your kids like this is how we are going to choose to be cheerful. What do we have to be thankful for? Um, we can do hard things. We can handle a little bit of inconvenience. You know, the world isn't gonna end if we have to miss out on this or that. And your kids will learn what it is to persevere and be able to roll with the punches. And that way, then when they, if the Lord ordains for them to go through much harder things down the road, be it chronic illness or or any type of thing, they will know how to serve better. They will learn how to endure better. And they will be so much more equipped than they would be if you gave them an easy life that was without any type of inconvenience or or or suffering, you know? They will they will be stronger, better people, better able to serve the Lord than they would be if they had a life that was um free of any any type of inconvenience or suffering. Yes. I I mean, I don't think you could have said it any better. Yeah, well, this is something I like I said, I I think that this was such a key thing that my mom passed down to me as I I watched her. I watched her, there was something, you know, uh um going back to Christmas time, every single year uh we would do this big ornament night exchange party at my and uh with my family. And it was so much fun, but it was a huge event. And she would put this on. And she did this even though, you know, she knew that there was a good chance that it would result in a flare-up for her in January. And so she kind of just came to expect it. And I'm not saying that that needs to be what you need to do if you're in a situation like that, like we were talking about know your capacity. But what I saw through that example is someone who is willing to sacrifice and and go through a little bit of discomfort, a little bit of pain in order to be a blessing and and serve others. And that she wasn't gonna complain about it. She's like, this is my life and I'm gonna live it. And this is how we choose joy. This is how we we choose um, you know, blessing and not to see ourselves as victims. And so I I uh it's really important for me with my own kids, even when it comes to things like, you know, oh, so and so is sick, we might get sick. It's like, yeah, well, that's life. Yes. And we're not gonna sit here and hide. That's just how it goes, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:11

Oh I feel like this has been such an encouragement to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:14

Oh, well, that's good. You uh you have encouraged my heart so much. I'm so glad. Um, I know we I feel like we could talk so much longer about this. No, but uh what would you say to the mom listening right now who feels like her body is betraying her calling or who sees no clear end in sight to her suffering?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:39

I I would just encourage that mom. So what I wish somebody would have said to me is that okay, we're gonna do it without crying. Um we are not the oh, okay. So sometimes we can struggle with this idea that if we pray the bold prayers or we say the right things, that God will fix it all. And the only thing that we are guaranteed ourselves is we are guaranteed that as believers we are saved, and that is good enough. So living life in a broken body, uh in my one of my mother's education groups, somebody said, I am dust and I am glad to be dust in the maker's hands. And that for me, I think sums it up is that we are we are privileged to have our salvation, we are privileged to have hope on the other side of heaven. And if that is what we navigate life through is having the gospel and that good news, then that is good enough. Um and we don't have to have a perfectly healed and functional body to do good things on this side of heaven. And I I wish somebody would have sat me down and said your worthiness and the good, the things that you can do to encourage others is not dependent on you being perfectly healed or functional. Um God uses everybody. And I think the the more broken down I've become, the the more I can see how that can be an encouragement to others. So I I focused a long time on trying to pray the right set of prayers that would make God listen to me. And it didn't work. And what I realized is that it is good enough to have hope and salvation and everything else is a bonus. Um but you have to get to that point too. So if a mom is newly struggling at with this, you will get to that point where you realize that this life that you're living, even if it's something that you didn't expect, it is still good because God does not make bad things, He only makes things that are good. Um and that there isn't a blame. Like you can't you can't blame your, you can't trace the line. There isn't a blame for, you know, is this a genetic thing, or sometimes it's just what life is, and there is still goodness because God is good.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:33

That was it makes me think of uh in the cold open, I shared a story about Elizabeth Prentice, and she said, much of my experience of life has cost me a great price, and I wish to use it for strengthening and comforting other souls. And I think that that at the end of the day, that we can take comfort in knowing that the Lord is not going to waste our suffering, that he is going to use it. So thank you so much, Beth. I am so grateful. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Yeah, this has been such a good conversation, and I am I've been so encouraged. I for my own walk and journey, and I know that the listeners who are hearing this are going to be so encouraged by your vulnerability and your faithfulness. So thank you so much. Yeah, of course. Any truly anytime. Good. Thank you. Well, I hope to chat with you again sometime soon. Yes. All right, dear sisters. If this episode encouraged you, would you please take just a minute to subscribe and leave a review? As we prepare to start the new year, I have a big goal to grow keeping the Citadel and get this message out to women, and more importantly, the women who need it most, that biblical womanhood still matters. It's going to take an army of women to do this, so we need you to help us bear the flame. So if this conversation blessed you, would you please take a moment to subscribe, read the show, and leave a review? It just takes a few seconds, but it makes all the difference to me. And so I am so grateful for any support you were able to do. Also, don't forget to join the Keeping the Citadel magazine community to go even deeper into each theme as we explore here on the podcast. Right now is time to subscribe for our spring issue. So be sure to get on that before it is too late. So subscribe, share, and help us build a culture of faith one home at a time. With that said, here is my charge to you. 1 Corinthians 4, 7 through 17 says, but we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed, perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed, always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So, death is at work in us, but life in you. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. As we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. Ladies, the great physician is caring for you. He is holding you, he is writing your story, and despite how it may feel, he has a good and perfect plan for what you are going through. Have courage and trust his plan for your suffering. Continue to offer up your loaves and fishes and just wait and see what he does with them. Sometimes the Lord forces us to an action so that we can gaze upon the work of his hands and see what they are accomplishing apart from our own meager efforts. So use your time of weakness to gaze upon him and his strength. Be still and know that he is God. Rest in him and keep being faithful in the everyday ways that you can. Have courage, dear heart. Though your outer self is wasting away, your inner self is being renewed day by day. What you are going through is temporary. Do not use your suffering as an excuse to quit the work the Lord has for you. Keep pressing on through the pain, but do so, knowing that the hope that you can cling to is anchored in a glorious eternity that far surpasses any weight of suffering you are experiencing now. He is with you, and because he lives, you can face tomorrow. So until next time, embrace your high calling, live a better story, and keep the flame of your citadel burning brightly.