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The Keeping the Citadel Podcast
The Keeping the Citadel Podcast exists to embolden women to transform their homes and their lives into shining citadels for the glory of Christ and the spread of His Kingdom.
The Keeping the Citadel Podcast
Raising Boys to be Dragon Slayers in a Soft World
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In a culture that often suppresses boyhood and confuses masculinity, how do we faithfully raise sons into strong, godly men? In this episode, Heather's husband, Daniel, joins her to discuss what it means to raise "dragon slayers" for the Kingdom of God—boys who are courageous, responsible, self-controlled, and devoted to Christ. Together, they explore practical ways mothers can cultivate strength, purpose, and biblical manhood in their sons while resisting the messages of an increasingly effeminate culture. If you're raising boys, this episode will encourage you to see your calling with fresh vision and intentionality.
Today we gather to remember and to mourn. A wild life of freedom that's now either forgotten or scorned. A way of boys that's long been lost to build, to dream, and explore. To run, jump, race, and roam, away from their tablets and far from their phones. The woods, the fields, the sandlots echo. Boys confined indoors, chained and dull, the life out in their eyes. Just screen time to lull. Adventure bold and daring. What would set his heart aflame is all but outlawed or forbidden in politeness and safety's name. Safety kills, and now the little boys can't wrestle, not allowed to sword fight with sticks. Their soccer games quit keeping score to not offend the slower kids. The older boys can't use tools like axes, saws, or hammers. For building is abandoned and replaced with equity and manners. Those who remember best will weep the most. Those who love their childhood will boast. That boyhood was a time to roughhouse and get dirty, with scars and busted knees, because boys were outside doing, creating, competing, and conquering. Their own domains and kingdoms with boy rulers and boy rolls. It was a time of wild things. And their stunts were wilder still. Of testing and rinking, seeking the next thrill. Their mud-stained clothes and outside treasures from their pockets. These were future men with dragons to kill. They played war and fought battles. Their heroes were men of grit. Their worlds were wild and large. But today, boys seem to sit. Boyhood died, a slow death of neglect. Let us grieve the screens that hold them, the meds that steal their drive, the bureaucrats who fence them in and tang their very lives. Our sons have been lost to factory school hours, confined to systems and safe spaces that deprive them, deny them, starve them, and punish them for being a boy. The epitaph on the tombstone reads as follows. Here lies the years of boyhood. Too great a burden to be tolerated. It didn't meet the standards of nice and easily managed. It caused too much noise and ruckus, mess and risk. It was downright dangerous. So it was canceled, suppressed, diagnosed, medicated, banished, and replaced with docile distraction, entertainments, limitations, and supervisions. May it rest in peace. It survived by domineering feminism and passive men. After all, the future is female. But could there just be, maybe, a resurrection of boyhood? Could it revive and live again? Excerpt from Boyhood Resurrected by Rebecca Lovell. We are raising boys in a world that treats masculinity like a disease. So it silences them, softens them, or sidelines them. Boys are labeled as too loud, too aggressive, or too much. But Scripture doesn't call boys to shrink. It calls them to rule, subdue, protect, and build. It reveals over and over again that a godly man is not a man who plays it safe. He is dangerous in the service of Christ's kingdom. So the question isn't how do we tame our boys, but how do we train them to slay dragons? To the mother raising boys, this conversation is for you. The noise, mess, and aggression of boys can often feel all wrong to our feminine natures. But what if all that energy, all that strength, was not something to resent, but something to steward? What if raising boys wasn't a burden, but an incredible privilege? And let me tell you, it is. If you are a boy mom, you have been given the tremendous privilege of being part of the revival of true masculinity in a culture that wants to annihilate it. The future of our young men is at stake. And the part you play in your son's story is crucial. So, dear listener, how can you live a better story with your boys today? I am very excited for this episode because I am going to have my amazingly handsome husband join me. So very excited to share that with you. We have a really fun conversation planned for you guys. But um before we dive in, I just want to share that if you are new here, we are currently doing a series right now. It's a very delayed series, but it's called How to Live a Better Story. And this pairs with actually our winter issue of the magazine. So I've gotten a bit delayed on the podcast here. Hope you guys can be a bit patient with me. It's been a tricky to uh get these out on a regular basis, but I'm trying to uh get them out faster to you. Uh, Lord willing, I will be getting episodes out more on a weekly or bi-weekly basis on the summer, and we'll be able to catch up on the um winter issue and the spring issue, and then also the summer issue. I'm gonna try and knock all three out um this summer. So hopefully we have lots of good podcasts in store for you soon. But we are still wrapping up that season of how to live a better story. And today we're talking about how to live a better story for moms of boys and how to raise them well, especially in this culture that we have right now where uh feminism is trying to turn our boys into passive problems. And we want to change that and we want to do better for our sons. So that's what we're gonna be talking about today. So if you are not yet subscribed to Keeping the Citadel magazine, just a reminder to go on our website and make sure you sign up. You can we have now a quarterly and a yearly option. So you can do both, whatever um you prefer. And we are also running a summer sale right now. So if you use the code summer sale at checkout, you can get $10 off of our summer issue. So if you missed the summer issue, you didn't subscribe in time, and you really wanted that one. I still have some available. So you can get that for $10 off when you use that code summer sale and you sign up for a subscription at the same time. So go sign up for a subscription, get that summer issue discounted. Um, it's so good. There was so many amazing articles in that one. You guys aren't gonna want to miss it. So don't miss out on that sale. All right. So with that said, let's go ahead and dive into today's episode. Today I am delighted to introduce a very special guest, my husband Daniel.
SPEAKER_00Hello, everyone. I'm Heather's husband, Daniel.
SPEAKER_03All right, babe. So what are we talking about today?
SPEAKER_00Today we are talking about the war on boyhood.
SPEAKER_03Yes. And this is a topic that is very personal to us and uh something we're extremely passionate about because we are raising two boys and we see this war that they are up against at every angle. And so um we had a lot of questions come in about this, and we thought that maybe this might be a helpful conversation today.
SPEAKER_00So let's dive in.
SPEAKER_03All right. So babe, for the mom who is listening right now, who is raising boys, why does this conversation matter so much?
SPEAKER_00Well, like I said, there's a war on boyhood right now, on masculinity in general. And boys are growing up being told that everything about them is wrong just because of how God created them, that he created them to be boys or and men. Um and so they need to know that they were wonderfully made by their creator, and so they're not carrying around guilt and shame and stigma for something they didn't even do that is just a default of the way God made them and this feminized society we're living in is telling them that they're wrong.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Exactly. And w what do you think is at stake if we get this wrong as parents, as mothers?
SPEAKER_00Honestly, so much. So right now, uh our culture is the way it is because we have allowed the plague of feminism to run rampant, and it has allowed men to abdicate and be emasculated, and we are reaping the fruit of that right now. We are seeing it from two different ways. Some men are, you know, they're they're uh women of both sexes, right? So um, and then on the other side of the ditch are guys trying too hard to compensate, and you can see it all over in the red pill manosphere movement, this fake masculinity where they're just going around committing adultery and fornicating and uh just seeing how much money they can make and thinking the guy that dies with the most toys wins.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So basically, if we get this wrong, our boys are either gonna fall into one of those stitches, the super um feminized boy or the toxic red pill type version of masculinity that we see.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and with both of those, then what's going to happen is we're going to keep having a matriarchy, a woman rule, like we're dealing with right now, where you know, uh what's right is wrong, what's wrong is right, what's true is a lie, what's a lie is truth. It's everything we're living in the upside down.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. How do you culturally see this um affecting the way that boys are understood? And what ways do you see that they're being treated as a problem?
SPEAKER_00In so many ways. So in the government indoctrination camps that we call the public schooling system, um we're seeing boys medicated so that they can behave like little girls sitting perfectly still in a classroom, not not allowed to to think creatively, not allowed to read the right stories, not allowed to to have adventure and be brave and learn to be risk-taking strong, courageous men.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I see this a lot, even just in the church, with moms who are very earnestly endeavoring to raise good, godly boys, but they just have because of the way that our culture is brainwashing us and conditioning us to think that they are trying to raise good, nice little boys, but they their version of a nice boy is not necessarily what a godly boy is, the way God designed women to be raising boys. And so I this is why this is something that I really wanted to talk about for moms in particular, because I think so much is at stake for us because we if we do things the way the world is trying to get us to do it, we'll end up raising boys who are who are like you were saying, under that matriarch and with that very um kind of effeminate feel to them.
SPEAKER_00So what you touched on is important. You said they you they want to raise nice boys. Now the fruit of the spirit, it talks about kindness.
SPEAKER_03Not niceness. Not niceness. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we should not be striving to raise nice boys. We should be striving to raise kind boys and dangerous boys.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So can you elaborate a little bit more on what you mean for to our listeners about why why do we not want to raise nice boys?
SPEAKER_00Well, nice boys, it's fake. It's used as um as a veneer to manipulate and get what you want in a very catty, effeminate way. Yeah. That is not anything that we want our men to be like, that we want anyone to be like. Uh we want people to speak truth, not for gain, but because it is true.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm. Yeah, and to speak the truth in love. And often, like when we as as Christians are speaking the truth in love, we are doing that at a cost to us, and we know that it's not going to be well received. And this is something like when I've talked about this with other women before, the that niceness is not a fruit of the spirit. And a lot of times people are shocked when I say that and like, what do you mean? We're not, you know, but niceness is inherently when when somebody is trying to be nice, there is a self-seeking behind that. It's it's not the same thing as kindness. Kindness is generosity, it's um a way of putting that person and their well-being ahead of your own. And but um yeah, niceness has that that desire to be respectable, to safe-faced. It's it's thinking about how it is perceived. And so um this is very much the way that our society is training us all to be is this like 11th commandment, thou sh thou shalt be nice. And uh what we see is in the church when when as Christians are actually treating this like the 11th commandment, um we get we get a weak church that doesn't know how to confront truth, that isn't bold when it needs to be bold, that doesn't actually proclaim truth when it needs to do that. And that requires courage, and like you were saying, even um the ability to be dangerous.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but they don't know how to take ground for God's glory. They don't know what it takes to to bring glory to God through rearing godly men. I mean, just look at the fruit that has come out of it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. So when we talk about uh as moms, when we're thinking about how do we raise good and godly boys, we we want them to be kind. We want them to be um have gentleness and self-control and and be loving and treating each other in in that type of way, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are not gonna be offensive. Our our goal should not be to not raise uh unoffensive boys.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03We if we're going the like truth needs to be the highest priority and and boldness. And so we have to train them as mothers to learn how to say the hard things in a loving way, even when it's going to offend.
SPEAKER_00You want to raise problem children.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yes. So uh I have some listener questions that are gonna be kind of sprinkled throughout this. But the first one that I have here is how do you deal with a boy who struggles with aggression?
SPEAKER_00All right. Well, I mean, it would obviously depend on the type of aggression we're talking about. It's important to define terms. Is he being extremely violent, or is he just bold and in a in a good way in the in the masculine way?
SPEAKER_02What do we mean by aggression?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So uh if you mean that he's bold, I mean channel that and encourage it because we need bold men. We need men who will go and take ground for Christ in every aspect of life and every domain. We need men who have the mental and physical and martial skills to go out into this world and fight this war that we are in. We're in the middle of a culture war. People don't like to admit that we are, but we uh we were made for this time and we need to be raising our sons up. The Bible tells us they're arrows in a quiver. So we need to make sure they're sharp and ready and send them flying out. So channel that uh aggression, uh, give them good outlets, send that, have them do things like uh our boys do judo. Um, I like jujitsu, that's what I train in. Weightlifting, I'm a big proponent of that. Men need to be strong. The Bible tells us that men need to be strong and courageous. So um have your boys do things. Um our boys do Christian service brigade, so they're learning outdoor skills, they're learning um just these things that are classic male traits, you know, very um very manly skills. Uh, I had them replace the brakes on the truck with me a few weeks ago, and they just had a great time doing that. And so giving them a place to channel that boldness uh and aggression, you know, don't tell them it's bad to be aggressive, actually commend it, but then explain to them the times and places to be aggressive so that they're it's channeled in the right direction and not, you know, at the wrong time.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I I'm thinking a lot about the mom who is frustrated and distraught over her boys fighting, or maybe uh she's concerned about aggressive behavior because uh like maybe she sees her child fighting with swords or playguns or um things like that, and or or wrestling a lot of kids in the preschool class, and um how that can be seen as problematic, especially in the culture and can being concerned about her son turning into a bully and or or maybe her child is prone to tantrums and outbursts. Um what would you say to a mother who is dealing with those kind of fears related to her son?
SPEAKER_00Okay. Well, first off, uh kid that wants to play with guns. Um when I was a little boy, my mom didn't want me to have toy guns. So I would eat my food into the shape of guns and pretend that they were guns. Yeah. So that went by the wayside and they caved, and I had all sorts of toy guns, and I grew up to become a police officer and a hunter, and now I work in security. So uh there's nothing wrong with little boys playing with guns. As a matter of fact, I encourage it.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Uh we definitely encourage it. It's all about aiming in the right direction. It's all about directing in the right direction. You you let them know that fighting and violence is for protecting. Yeah, it is not for offense, it is for defense. Um we need to uh stand up for the small guy that's getting picked on. We need to protect our mother, our our sisters. Um, we need to use aggression and violence in those ways. We don't Use them to pick on someone smaller. Like I tell our oldest son, you know, and he's he's so great with his little brother, but I I have told him many times there's no glory in beating your little brother. He is smaller than you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you told our younger one that too. Uh he can hold his own.
SPEAKER_00The the glory comes from beating the bigger opponent.
unknownYeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So um just direct it in the right direction. Uh I understand it's frustrating when boys fight. I've seen our our boys still fight, but you know what? They're learning skills that that they'll need as men. It's it an important thing. We are commanded as men to be protectors in scripture. And if a man doesn't know how to take a punch and how to deal with a little physical discomfort, then he's not going to be any kind of protector. Because if the first time you ever take a punch is whenever you're trying to protect, you are going to fail.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I've been hit so many times and um it still hurts, but I know what to expect and how to push through it. And I wouldn't have that if I hadn't been through the prior experiences I had had.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah, I think I think really what the biggest thing here is, and like you kept saying that we w we need to redirect it, but is getting to the heart of your little boy and seeing is is the aggression that you are expressing right now because aggression in itself isn't the problem, it's the heart. And it's the heart, and how is the heart expressing um it the behavior? And so is the aggression a reflection of an angry heart, of a sinful heart that, like you were saying, you know, is seeking glory and dominating his brother, or bullying, or um, you know, exhibiting pride in that way, or is that aggression being used like you were talking about to protect and um preparing for the battle that like every boy wants to grow up and be the bull the hero who is who is slaying the dragon and getting the girl.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And that's the kind of thing we want to encourage. We want to encourage our boys to be fearless. But um when when we do see aggression coming from a heart of anger and pride, those are definitely things that we want to discipline for. Like we've disciplined, we have to we have like had so many conversations where we're talking about our boys' heart and trying to expose what is underneath that behavior.
SPEAKER_00And um sometimes you gotta spank your kids.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and oftentimes you need to spank your kids.
SPEAKER_03Well, and also another example too, like we you were just talking about the boys fighting. And I wanna I like clarify, we are super pro our boys wrestling and playing and in like um combat type ways, like you mentioned judo and stuff like that. What we're not for is just hothead type behavior where they're taking revenge on each other and um where we don't allow them to be hotheads and just take out revenge on their brother because he looked at him funny. Right. You know, um that that is also going the other end of um the we you have on one end you have the mom who is afraid that her boy is going to be the bully, and then on the other side you have maybe an encouragement to do get backs too much. Yes, because um you you don't want them to be seen as like the soft boy. But one is training your boy to be weak, and then the other is training your boy to be a hothead who takes revenge every second he can get, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, you know?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And um I've heard you I've heard you say this so much that that um what is it about meekness and and strength?
SPEAKER_00That it's power under restraint.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. So what we really are trying to teach our boys when it comes to aggression is how can you use the strength that God has given you for good and under the strength of the Holy Spirit. Yeah. Like we need to submit your strength to his strength before you can slay any dragons, you know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So hopefully that's helpful. Uh I know this is an easier thing to talk about than it is to deal with in the moment. This is something that you we are we are always dealing with because we have two boys, and so it's definitely a frequent thing and it's challenging, but um yeah, I think just learning how to harness it for um for good. Yeah, for good. Yeah. So okay, I want to talk about what we are aiming for in terms of biblical masculinity. So when we say that we want to raise godly masculine men who are both strong and submitted to Christ, what does that actually mean?
SPEAKER_00Well, um, I think it's uh Pastor Doug Wilson who said that masculinity is the the glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility. Um and so to dissect that a bit, you know, it's cheerfully going about uh things that are hard and that need to get taken care of. Um and loving your people and doing what you need to do for your people, whether it's speaking hard truths to your people, whether it's uh, you know, unclogging the toilet or um he's laughing because that was him earlier today. Yeah, the whole main line. It was just a mess. Um whether it's getting up and going to work when you have to wake up at zero dark thirty and and commute and do the hard things whenever you'd rather be at home. Um uh or working that second job, or um, maybe you're tired and you don't want to lead catechism for your family, but you know what, your children need to hear the word and see the commitment. Um so that's kind of a practical application of what I think that means. Um ultimately the the mark that we're aiming for is Christ. It's the answers are all laid out for us in scripture. Um, but we want to raise bold men who stand for Christ. And that's the mark.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, who love his word, who are unashamed to stand for him when it counts, and um who bear the fruit of the spirit in their lives. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And who have the the skills needed to bring him glory in all of their lives, right? We don't s in our society, we it's so common to see people who they have their church life in one little sector and then everything else in the other sector. No, Christ needs to be lord of our marriage, he needs to be lord of our parenting, he needs to be lord of us at our jobs, he is the lord over the civil sphere. So we need to be raising boys who have the mental, physical, and martial capacity to go out and lead, um, to go and run for political office, to raise godly families, um, or else we're just gonna keep living in this loser trash world that we're in.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. So you kind of touched on this earlier when you talked about this toxic version of the red pill manosphere.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And this is something that I hear a lot of pushback for when I hear people talking about um, like when biblical masculinity gets brought up. Yeah. This is kind of the pushback. Like, we don't want to have that version of masculinity. And so let's just like not even really talk about biblical manhood. Like we're just going to raise up sons to love the Lord, and that's all that matters. So, how does this differ from the world's version of masculinity? And why do these things matter? Why, why is this important um for for somebody who is pursuing true biblical manhood?
SPEAKER_00Because scripture mandates it. Ultimately, that's where everything is important. Um in the garden, God gave Adam the role of having dominion over everything. And that was before the fall. So that tells us that that is good. Yeah. Um, and as far as the oh, we don't want our sons to be like the red pill, I mean, that's such a straw man. That is just a weak and lame argument, and it's tired. Do better, come come with more real concerns. Um, if you want your son to love the Lord, then you need your son to love the Lord in all of the ways, not just being some winsome, soft-voiced uh guy in skinny jeans.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, like when you are raising them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, when you are training them in all of um the counsel of God's word, they are going to learn these things that the manosphere is promoting, and they're gonna be able to recognize those things as sinful. Yes. You know, and so they're going to be able to see, like, okay, so, you know, it's good for me to work hard for my family. It's good for me to be physically fit. It's good for me to um learn how to be aggressive so that I can be a protector of my family. It's not good for me to um, you know, rack up my body count and uh, you know, be like obsessed with looks maxing all the time. Like, you know, there's um a way that we can can seek to glorify God in all these aspects without being worldly and and self-obsessed.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but it is good for people to take the time to dress well and good.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Um now it shouldn't be your preoccupation, right? You shouldn't be a narcissist. Um, but I think that there is a certain amount of glory that is brought by someone who presents themselves in a nice way because ultimately we dress for others. Yeah. That's how I see it. Like that's why I like to dress nice to church because it shows reverence to God for God's house, and it shows respect to everyone around me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And that's why I dress nice when I go to work. I make sure my uniform is squared away. You help me with that a lot a lot of times too. Um, but I, you know, shine my boots or do little things, make sure my hair's combed well before I go out. And if it's a casual thing, I and I can get away with wearing a hat or wear a hat, but I don't go out looking like a slob.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um but it like you what you just said even gets to the heart of your motive. Like your motive is for others. Your motive is to glorify God in all these things and it is a way to love and serve others. Whereas um, and and that comes from a heart that is for Christ. So like if we aren't having um that is our main motivation, then it's just like dead fruit on a plastic tree kind of thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Okay. So you um used the idea of raising dragon slayers. What does that mean in practical terms? And how does this tie into the kind of man we're ultimately trying to raise our sons to become?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. So the way I look at it is we first teach them to slay the dragons of their sin, right? They need to conquer their anger or and or their lust or their greed or their pride, those dragons, right? And then from there, they move on to the other dragons that are out there, uh, whether it's the alphabet suit mafia or the um feminism or liberalism or just the the fake church that's out there. Yeah. Um, but but they can't do any of that until they deal with the sin in their own hearts. So first teach them to repent and believe in Jesus, um, and to constantly repent. I feel like all I do is repent sometimes, but you just have to keep hammering it. Um and don't give an inch. You know, you gotta stand the gate and um and and not give an inch and just get to work. Yeah. And teach them to to love to get to work. Like sometimes it stinks so bad, but you just gotta you just gotta do it, you know. I messed up. I did this, I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry for doing that, and teaching them the proper way to do it. So that is how they should be slaying the dragons.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so this is something we we talk to our boys a lot about because we have very zealous boys who are passionate and they want to go slay those dragons, which is amazing, and I love that about them. And I know it's it's it's so exciting because um I know that they're gonna go out and do great things with God someday. But right now, you know, they're children, and they it's it's having to teach that humility right now that it's that meekness, yes, to to put that power under restraint and use it when the time comes. Yeah, and and I think it's just what what we see in them a lot of times is their zeal for slaying the dragon, they just forget to have that humility and examine their their own hearts first. And so, like you were saying, we're always trying to redirect them back to, you know, yeah, it's good. It's good to call out sin. It's good to recognize these things as evil, but have you examined your own heart first? And um, you know, we we don't want to be Pharisees and we need to have rightly ordered loves. Um, and like this whole conversation of rightly ordered loves, it also means like rightly ordered hate. So we have to hate our own sin before we're going out and hating um the sin that we see in the world. So uh definitely just a bit of encouragement to cultivate that sense of humility as well as the boldness.
SPEAKER_00So it's just walking the line, right? Not falling into either ditch.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Okay, so how does giving boys a bigger vision for their lives shape the way they grow up? And how how are we seeking to do that? How like what kind of vision are we seeking to give our boys?
SPEAKER_00Well, we want our boys, we we strive to give them um a big picture that they are to go out and to seek glory for God and his kingdom and excellent at the things they do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um I think I think our family identity is is a really big thing too, like raising them to think covenantally in terms of that they are um are part of our family, that they're part of their church family and community. And um I think that the way that we have worked really hard to give them a strong sense of their community and who they belong to, uh and loving their people well, I think that is so much a part of what fuels a young man's fire when he knows who his people are and why um why he's doing what he's doing. That it doesn't just impact him, you know. Um we aren't we aren't raising individuals in the sense that they can just live autonomously and do whatever they want with their life. But we are seeking to raise people who live and think covenantally.
SPEAKER_00Also, I think something that we try to do with the boys to give them that picture is we speak to them who they are and what whenever they show these character qualities, um, that we sp say it to them and give them ideas of how they can apply those strengths and the character qualities that they do have. Because if they don't have a big picture, then it's easy to get pigeonholed into one idea of who you are. And then you you don't get see these other avenues that you could have taken your life, right? So, like I look back and and I didn't have any big idea. I kind of had a very narrow idea. I grew up to do what my dad did, which God bless him, he worked hard and he he was an amazing provider and he had a great career as a police officer. Um, but when that didn't work out for me, uh I really struggled. And I wish I would have uh kind of looked into other things and had more ideas of what I could have done. And so I want our boys to know, okay, this is what I'm good at in case if their first plan doesn't necessarily work out.
SPEAKER_03So kind of calling out their strengths and giftings and giving them ideas for um potential avenues that they could take in their in their future, is that what you're referring to? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that's really good. So that's a good segue into talking about responsibility in training. So what would you say happens to a boy who doesn't have purpose or responsibility?
SPEAKER_00Right. So I I like word pictures. So the way I picture it um is like when you go to a zoo and you see like a lion, and there's this path in front of the fence or the glass, and it's all worn down because the lion just paces back and forth and back and forth all day, and you can see in his eyes that he's just dead inside. Um, but there's still that little glimmer of that fierceness in there and that wildness, and it's just heartbreaking because that's not what they were created for. Yeah. And so a boy without a job is the same way. Men were created to work, work came before the fall. And so they need to have jobs, they need to have purpose. Um, so I like having our boys do jobs with me and and around the house to help you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. What are what would you say would be some ways that mothers can begin giving their sons meaningful responsibility and jobs?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, give them chores. Let them know, hey, you know, mommy is really busy and there are so much to do. And I need a helper. I need my son. This is a way you can can practice providing, right? This is a way you can practice being a loving husband in the future.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, it's it's all practicing, right? They they can practice that glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility. Yeah. Uh so so give them jobs and let them know how much it blesss you after they do it.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's definitely something that I always try to do with the boys. I try when when they do a job for me, I let them know, like, thank you so much. You blessed me so much. You really I would have been so tired if I had to take care of the dishes today or if I had to. Peel these potatoes. Like my son just did this for me on Father's Day. And he peeled all the potatoes up for dinner. And so just things like that are ways that he is relieving my burden. And so I um when your son does things like that, to let them know like you are being a blessing to your family. You are helping to relieve the burden here. And you have a special part to play in this family.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And it can be genuinely helpful. Like our boys can assemble furniture. Oh yeah. Like I said, they helped me change the brakes in my truck. Like that's a serious job with serious tools, and things can go wrong. And it gives them a gave them a little danger to work around, you know? Oh yeah. And they looked like they were about 10 feet tall after we were done. So um just giving them those those kind of tasks and jobs and uh encouraging them in masculine traits, like have them go out and mow the lawn. Yeah. You know? It's a machine that runs on gas and is loud and has a really sharp blade that spins fast. And it's really cool to a little boy, and they feel so grown up whenever they do it. I see our sons whenever they use the lawnmower now, and I think of how they used to follow me around the lawn with the little push plastic lawnmower with the bubbles coming out. Now they're doing the real deal.
SPEAKER_03Seeing them do the real thing of like, oh my gosh, they're so grown up. But those those things I think especially are great when dad is home and you know, you you do such an amazing job of bringing them into that type of um, you know, more of the more of the guy jobs. But uh when you're gone, I I try to still incorporate them in the work of the house, you know, and that they are here, they're in training right now. You know, we homeschool and so they're here all day and they have to learn how to contribute, they have to learn how to be part of a household. And but at the same time Well, let me let me backtrack here. So, so they have chores and they have responsibilities uh in the um domestic duties of the running of our home as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I am so grateful because they do an amazing job of helping me just with my tasks of homemaking, you know, when I when they vacuum or do the dishes or things like that. They're old enough now to do things like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But um I also want to be mindful of the fact that while I do want to train them and equip them to know how to do these domestic duties and know how to contribute to a household, I think it's also important for moms to remember that um they they are boys and ultimately we're we're raising them to go out and do the manly jobs. And so um to not like overload them or or try and shirk your responsibilities on them too much in a way that it's taking away from opportunities where they could be spending more time on their schoolwork or you know, tasks outside the home that are giving them more skill building type of opportunities because that's really the areas where they need to be growing and learning. Um so yeah, like moms, you know, have your kids do chores. We definitely have them lined up, but don't like overwhelm your boys with that to the point where it is provoking them to frustration. Um so hopefully that's helpful there. Okay, so something that is really important to our family that we talk about a lot, and not just in terms of raising boys, but in terms of all aspects and spheres of our lives is the importance of discipline and the value that discomfort has in spiritual growth and all types of growth. So why is discipline such a critical part of forming boys into men? And how does comfort actually work against that?
SPEAKER_00Right. So to steal from Jocko Willink, uh discipline equals freedom. Uh I don't think he's a Christian, but he is a very wise man, and so he should repent and believe in Jesus if he doesn't. Um But what I mean, what he means by discipline equals freedom is if you are disciplined and you're able to get up early and work out um and get to your job on time, then you're going to be fit and you're going to be able to provide. Whereas if you love comfort, right, you're going to be overweight, out of shape, um, and you're going to want to sleep in and you'll be late for your job and you'll want to spend any money you have right of right away. So you'll be a slave to your to your food impulses, you'll be a slave to your buying impulses, you'll be a slave to debt. Um so really discipline is at the core of everything. And so slaying that dragon inside of you that craves the comfort is crucial uh for manhood because it is uncomfortable to get up and go to work every morning. Um, it's uncomfortable to go work out so that you're strong and you can protect your family. It's really uncomfortable to go and do jujitsu or judo where you're getting thrown and twisted. But it's important, right? Because it'd be a lot more uncomfortable if someone tried to hurt you or the boys and I wasn't there and I couldn't protect you because I didn't want to do the hard thing. Yeah. Uh so I like introducing that, kind of inoculating them against discomfort by having them do hard things. Um, we have them do judo so that they get thrown and they feel physical discomfort. They go hunting with me. So we're walking up and down mountains and getting up really early, and we're out there when it's cold and when it's hot and when it's wet, and you gotta carry things out and you've got to gut them, and it's kind of gross, but um it really builds up those muscles of doing uncomfortable things uh in a masculine way so that they learn to persevere and to develop that grit. You know, you gotta have that gir as a man. Yeah. Uh and so um my goal is for my boys to have a tremendous amount of gir.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, and I think as mothers, this is something that is often hard for us because as mothers, our it's just in our nature to be comforting and to be nurturing and to um kind of come to the rescue when we see somebody in a place of discomfort. And so, especially in regards to our children, when we see them in that place of discomfort, we want to sweep in and and remove the source of discomfort. And so I I think for women, if you have boys, if you're a mom of boys, it's extremely important that you do not sweep in to come to the rescue. Yeah when your boy is in a place of discomfort, when that discomfort is supposed to be used for for building that grid.
SPEAKER_00It's time to drink some concrete and harden up.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and that's one of our Faria family mottos, drink some concrete and harden up. So you can use that if you want. But this is something that I have to tell myself a lot in w with homeschooling because I especially now that the boys are getting older, they're getting into more advanced math and things that are just really hard. Um it's it's hard to watch them struggle. I, you know, I want to be like, oh, it's okay, you know, you don't have to finish the lesson. You don't need to um have such a heavy load of writing or reading or whatever it is, you know. But even in academics, like for homeschooling moms, this is a really important thing that we make sure that we are giving our kids not a load so heavy that it will crush them, but a load that will push them and will will um challenge them to grow in grit, to grow in perseverance, to recognize that life is sucking it up and doing the hard thing and learning how to do it cheerfully. And so um I think that this is a really important thing in terms of raising all children, but especially boys, because um so much of life is just having to do your duty and learn how to do it cheerfully and do it well, you know? Yeah, no matter how much it sucks.
SPEAKER_00You gotta build those muscles, right? To build muscles, you get torn down. The muscle tears first, and then it builds back stronger. And um there's the famous quote, right? The uh I think it was Hemingway, maybe I'm wrong. But uh the world breaks us all, but some get strong in the broken places. And so by lifting those adversity weights, right? You're tearing the muscles, but you're developing perseverance, you're building the perseverance muscles by lifting the adversity weights. And um and that's a good thing.
SPEAKER_03Like it is we always like when we see our boys struggling or they, you know, want to complain about something, we're like, this is a good thing. This is a good thing. You're getting stronger. And then mm make sure to point out the growth that we see in them. Because when your child is persevering over a long period of time in something that is really hard, you need to be ready as a parent to encourage them and call that out and give life-giving words that are going to make their spirit soar and want to continue. You know, like if you're never if you're constantly having them do this these hard things, but then you're never building them up, that is going to crush them.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03And so, um you know, point it out when you see them and um yeah, I think I think that's but we do let them do fun things too. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Their whole life is an adversity and chores.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. But yeah, just making sure to to frame struggle as something good, not as something bad. I think that's really important just to for learning how to be a strong person in general, is when things go wrong and and bad things happen, because they will, whether it's something external or it's um a challenge that you're having to face, we need to learn how to not be faced by those kinds of things and to be like, all right, it's time, it's go time. Yeah, let's do this. And that's the kind of attitude that we want our boys to have and not just like, oh, this is so hard. I have to do this, you know. So okay, so I have a listener question here. In terms of discipline, character building, manners, etc., what things should come from dad and what should come from moms?
SPEAKER_00Well, right, ultimately we're on the same team. So there can't be any running from mom to dad whenever they don't get the answer they like, right? So that's the first thing is it's gotta be a united front all the time. Uh men should be teaching their boys, you know, how to be men. They need to be modeling it. Are you leading your family in worship? Are you making sure they go everyone goes to church on Sunday? Are you serving in some capacity in the church and and not just being a consumer of your church? Um, are you taking them to do things with you? Like uh I take the boys to go hunting and fishing with me, or I like I said, I take them to work on the truck with me. Um I they do yard work with me. Um or if I'm helping inside. A lot of times I say, hey, you know, daddy wants to make mommy happy, so I'm I'm helping her by doing the dishes. Why don't you take out the trash while I'm doing this? And uh a lot of like training them as you go. Training them, yeah. It's it's one thing if you tell them things, but they're going to remember the things that you actually did. Yeah. Talk is cheap, right? And so they're gonna see if you walk the walk. That's what they really care about. And so it the father needs to be modeling that, and the mother needs to be calling and inspiring them to strive for masculinity and calling out the the things that the husband is doing. Um like the good things, yeah, calling out the good things the husband is doing and saying, look at how daddy is doing such a good job of protecting us. Look how daddy's doing such a good job of providing for us. So when your your husband does things that are modeling what a godly man should be, encourage that uh to your children so that they're hearing that called out. And then whenever your sons are doing, and for your daughters too, by the way, because your daughters need to know what kind of man they need to marry.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that is a way that they should be encouraging it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. I think I would also say too, just in terms of like who should handle what, you know, when dad is home, he's the the spiritual head of the household. Um, he should be setting the tone and mom should be deferring to him.
SPEAKER_00Um but when and dad should be giving the spankings whenever he's home.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and like discipline and that kind of thing. But um you know, when he's not home, it's it's on you. Like you are to do all the training, all of the character training, the disciplining, the instilling of manners, like that's all things that you're gonna do too. So I think a lot of it's not so much like is this a a mom thing or a dad thing to do. Um I think it's more like when it's your time to do it versus when it's his time to do it. And so when dad's around, he's the one who is going to take charge and we all defer to him. Um but also a lot of the like train as you go kind of things with these activities that you do, that definitely I think falls more into the line of what you're doing. Um the role that you have, you know, as a father. Yeah. But there's nothing wrong with a dad teaching his kid manners and then the mom teaching the kid manners. Like, I don't think that's something that should be no both.
SPEAKER_00Dad should be modeling the manners because manners are a way to love other people.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. Okay, so something I really want to talk about and I just see is such a huge, huge crisis um that it we are seeing the effects of in our boys and even just in young men today is passivity and the way that this is just one of the greatest dangers for boys. So, what does this look like in real life and how does passivity start showing up at a young age?
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, we don't have to look hard for for examples. This is a war that's been an attack on masculinity that's been going on for decades. So um, if you look at television sitcoms, that the humor, right? There is going to be a dad, and he is going to be steamrolled by his reviling wife. He's going to be a total simp for her, and he's going to be uh an idiot, and his kids are gonna be smarter than him. And uh he's just going to be this guy who goes to work and then comes home and sits on the couch, and that is kind of something that was by being shown on sitcoms, it was normalizing it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00These men who abdicate their responsibilities, right? Yeah. So you're not seeing them providing a lot of godly wisdom and and advice and being active and raising the children. And you can see when the change happened, right? It goes from Andy Griffith to to everyone loves Raymond. What what a difference in character between those two, right? Andy Taylor, he's raising Opie by himself with some help from And B, but it's mostly him and he's always giving lessons and he's doing his job, and he's he's just being a wonderful dad. And then you get Ray Barone, and he's uh, you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_03But I think that's really where we've seen the war on masculinity beginning, um, because the it media is so powerful. There's media is not neutral, and so we can't think that the entertainment that we're consuming isn't going to affect the way we think and the way we live. And so um I I absolutely think that sitcoms were a huge instrumental force in the way that boys are now um just trained to be soft and submissive and to um just capitulate to the girl boss and um where they're seen as problems. And it's so sad that like the sitcom era that we grew up in has now produced the kind of young men that um are being trampled on. Yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_00Uh so the way it manifests to to backtrack yeah to boys. The the way it manifests in boys, it it could be things where they're not wanting to do their schoolwork or they're not wanting to do their chores, or they're complaining, or they're doing it with a bad attitude, right? Obedience is the first time right away, all the way, with a good attitude. Um so enforcing that and disciplining it whenever it doesn't, it's that nips that in the bud right there. And another way, um, I believe video games and video game culture leads to a lot of this passivity because it encourages us, uh, and it's not just video games, like I played video games. Uh I don't think there's anything inherently bad about video games. Yeah, but I've always played games. I just think that it encourages men to to kind of just be consumers. Yeah. And and that's the problem is men are are being consumers too much, and that is a sign of passivity, right? We need to be creators, builders, doers. Um so just combating that whole consumer mentality. Uh have them like our boys help me grow a garden. Um, they they like to garden, they like to be out there working with me in the garden growing vegetables. That's a way to be a producer. And you know, we're not growing all of our vegetables or anything like that, but it shows them where food comes from and that um you have to work to get things. Um and so don't let your kids just dive into the gamer culture uh because I believe that breeds a lot of passivity. Don't let them do things that are just intaking. Make them do things that are outputting, that they're serving others, that they're uh looking outside of themselves because passivity and abdication it ultimately comes to being a slave to yourself and your own desires. And the Bible tells us, you know, a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands, and and what happens? Poverty's on you and everything's a mess.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. That's really good. Um, yeah, I just giving them ways to be creative, encouraging them to do things, yeah, and not be consumers. I think that's I think that's really the biggest sway in boys.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And and uh modeling it for them. Dad needs to be leading catechism, dad needs to be doing things. If something's broken, dad needs to at least try and. Fix it until he hits the end of his skill set. And then, you know, maybe you go and hire someone or or call someone who's better at things than you.
SPEAKER_03Um I that actually kind of brings up a good point because um, you know, there comes a time where you need to call the professional.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So because it would be worse if you ended up trying to do it yourself. But you are always trying to grow in skill building. Yeah. So I think it's like not just staying in your lane and being like, well, these are the only skills I have. This is all I'm capable of doing, but you're constantly trying to push yourself further. How can I learn how to do this? Is this something I can teach myself how to do this? And uh encouraging boys to have um a resourceful mindset where they are like, oh, I can do things, I can learn how to do this myself. I don't have to go, you know, outside.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Three of the best words I ever learned: improvise, adapt, overcome.
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So um I have a listener question here that I thought would be good to put right here. How do you know when to be hard or soft with your boys when they are facing challenges or need courage?
SPEAKER_00Always be hard. In reality, um is the challenge coming as a result of softness? If it is, then you'd need to be hard and dial up the hardness. Um now, if it's a result of something genuine and they've tried and they are just struggling and they're going through it and they're putting in the work, then that's the time to be soft and to to draw it out of them and to help them. Uh so it's just kind of meeting them, or it's kind of looking at the situation, orienting yourself, making the decision of which course to take, and then acting upon that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And you can always adjust it in scale as you go.
SPEAKER_03I think I think thinking of obviously whatever the circumstance they're facing and the hardship, the particular hardship that it is, but what their personality is, knowing their frame, their age.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, you're not gonna be as hard on a three-year-old as you're gonna be on a 13-year-old.
SPEAKER_00Um come on, do better, three-year-old.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um and like you were saying, like if he's going through a severe heartache or challenge, like we always wanna be the the voice or the listening ear that is available for our kids so that they know that we have their back and that we are for them and not against them. For them, that that we um are showing compassion and understanding their frame. And we we want to make sure that we are a safe place to land, that our home is a refuge and um a place where they know they belong and that they are accepted no matter what, because the world is hard. And we want to prepare them for that. We want to make sure that they're able to go out into the world and be strong. But we want this to be the place where they are loved and accepted and um shown grace and they know they can be their weird little selves and for all them. And so um I I I think it's really a matter of wisdom and and discernment of knowing those particular times.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And you'll know them, you know, you'll you'll know, you know your kids and and all that. So that also kind of ties into this question here. How do you inspire your son to rise up to greater heights without shame or condemnation?
SPEAKER_00Okay. So what I like to do is I like to remind them of who they are and let them know, like, hey, I know you're having a hard time, but we are furrias, and so we rise to the task. And you will. It's gonna be hard. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, but you need to step up and get after it. Okay. I know it's hard, but life is hard and the world doesn't care. So we gotta work harder.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah, I think that again, it kind of goes back to knowing your kid, knowing the circumstance, and also really examining their heart, trying to do a heart check with your kid. Are they struggling because they're just being lazy? Or is this um a time where they really need to be encouraged? But we never want to be uh accusers. The enemy is the accuser. And so something we always um like we say a lot is like, and we say this to our kids, are you being an accuser? Are you being an advocate? And we as parents want to be advocates like our Heavenly Father. And we want to call them higher and remind them of who God has called them to be, of what they can be when they walk in his ways. Um, but we don't want to be accusers that are keeping them down and making them feel this the great weight of their imperfections.
SPEAKER_00But at the same time, we can't be enablers. Yeah. So it's really once again, as always, it's walking a line between two ditches. Yeah. Um so uh you need to suss out. Like, is this something that just he needs a gut check and make sure he's got the intestinal fortitude to to push through the hard thing? Um so like everything else, it's walking a line.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And going to the Lord in faith and prayer and asking him to give you wisdom for those types of moments, you know.
SPEAKER_00Definitely that.
SPEAKER_03Um, okay, so we are getting close to our time here, but I had another listener question here. Actually, I have two that I want to wrap up with.
SPEAKER_01All right.
SPEAKER_03But I thought these would be really good ones to end with. The first one is how do you allow support your husband to lead when disciplining, especially when you don't agree? Okay, so first of all, we don't allow our husbands to do things.
SPEAKER_00That's I was about to jump all over that one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so he is the head, he is the leader of the home. And so um we uh are called to support and submit to his leadership. Now that doesn't mean obviously, that um we're always gonna agree, and it doesn't mean that he's always gonna do it perfectly. Um but he because your husband is a sinner. And so we're always gonna get it wrong. He's gonna get it wrong sometimes, we're gonna get it wrong as mothers. It's gonna happen. We're sinners. Um when those times happen, it's very crucial uh when you see something that maybe your husband doesn't agree with, that you do not contradict him in front of the kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's really important to not try and intervene in a way that is disrespecting him and his leadership or um just undermining him to the kids. You if if it's absolutely necessary, like say maybe he handled it in a really sinful way, then my suggestion would be to in private, you know, go to him respectfully and lovingly confront him about whatever you see the sin is. But after you've spent time praying and examining, like, is this something that I really need to go to him about? Um and then, you know, obviously having a conversation about that. But uh there's going to be times where you don't agree, and this is where submission comes in. And um we as wives are called to submit to our husband, and um that's we are honoring and submitting not to the fact that he's always gonna do everything perfectly, but to the fact that this is the position that the Lord has put him in, and um and we are called to submit to him as unto Christ, and it's how we honor Christ and submit to the Lord. So um so I would say, and and this is you know how how we handle things, that if either of us sees a a way that um we don't agree with the way the other person is parenting, we'll talk about it in private. We don't ever we don't ever talk about it in front of the kids because like you said earlier, we need to be that unified front, you know. Um but yeah, I mean, is there anything you would add to that?
SPEAKER_00No, I mean if the husband, if it's just a matter of disagreeing, um, and there's no sin involved, then sometimes, you know, it's just a a conversation you can have. It doesn't mean you you bring it up all the time over and over again. You can say, hey, uh, you know, I noticed you went about it this way, and I thought maybe it should have been that way. Why did you choose to to do that? Or maybe even just ask him why without saying what you thought. Like, oh, why did you choose to handle that situation that way? And then once you hear him articulate it, maybe it'll make sense, or maybe you'll uh you can point out, oh, well, what about X, Y, and Z? And then of course, if it's something in sin, right? Like, yes, the woman is called to submit to her husband, uh, but the man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church. So if he is not loving and he's in sin, then he needs to know so he can so he can work out his repentance. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um and that's a way that the the wife is the husband's helper, you know, and and a sister in Christ that um we should be able to freely address and but part of respecting a husband is not like nagging him with it, you know, or always questioning like why did you do it that way? Like you don't want to be going and questioning every single thing he does or calling him on every single little sin. Like if there is a pattern, address it. Um, but you know, don't nitpick every single little thing. So hopefully that's helpful. I know it's can be a sensitive, sensitive situation, but you know hard truths must be spoken.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so for our final question, this one is really fun, and that's why I chose it for the last one. But it is rites of passage ideas. And I think you know why I brought this one up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, uh our son is about to have his birthday party, and so we are having a man party.
SPEAKER_02But what birthday?
SPEAKER_00His thirteenth.
SPEAKER_02His thirteenth birthday.
SPEAKER_00And it is his man party, and so all the important men in his life and his life are going to be there, and they are going to bring a tool, and the tool is going to have significance and a life lesson um written out on a page that we're going to put into a book, and we're going to give him a toolbox um as a way to hold all the tools that he is getting from these important men in his life. Um, and he will have this book to look at that will have wisdom from his grandfathers, from his great-grandfather, from uh men at our church, his uncles. Yeah, um, just all sorts of of good men who are going to be calling out the good character qualities they see in him and giving advice to him. And um, you know, we'll be welcoming him to the tribe of men.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. There's lots of really cool like if you look at Brightsworth Passage ideas, there's cool ideas like camping trips and um I don't know, that's maybe that's like Yeah, planning the trip.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, having them plan the trip. Staying overnight by yourself somewhere or doing like uh like a some sort of through hike or something like that. Um where you drop them off at one location and they have to hike all the way to another location where you pick them up.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. But we we chose this one, one, because this is something I saw my parents do with my brother when he turned 13. And I just was so impressed and amazed by getting to witness this and the impact that it had on my brother and getting to see all the men in his life kind of um call out like what they were seeing in him and and encourage him and welcome him into that brotherhood.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I just knew that this was something that I wanted to do if I was ever blessed to have a son someday. And so when I told him about this and we were kind of discussing what are we gonna do, you know, had since turning 13, um, we were just really excited about this. And we really want, like Daniel was just saying, to welcome him into the sense that, and it kind of goes back to what we were saying before, that you are not just living in your own little world for yourself. You are part of a community, and these are the men who are gonna have your back, and these are the men that we want you to aspire to be like. These are the men who are gonna call you higher and um, you know, being part of that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and these are the men whose shoulders you stand on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And and like remember who you are. This is something we I said in um the episode I did with my mom a while back. But this is a big thing that we want to instill is remembering who you are in Christ, remembering who you are as a family, and remembering who your people are and that you are gonna represent them well. So uh we're having that party this Saturday. So uh stay tuned. We'll let you know how it goes. But I'm I'm excited. I think it's really good. Yeah. Hopefully, hopefully I'll get like I I'm not gonna be there because woman it's a man party, but I am gonna be hopefully you'll be adjacent from the window, kind of doing my stalker. Yeah. I'll try and get some footage that I can help post about to give you guys ideas. So anyway, um, I think that wraps it up here. A lot of things that we covered about raising boys and slaying dragons and all that good stuff. So thank you so much, babe, for coming on today. Thank you for sharing all your wisdom with us. And I am so grateful that I get to raise our boys with you.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for having me, and thank you for being the best wife in the world. Sorry, all you other women.
SPEAKER_03All right. All right, friends, that's all we have time for today. I hope you enjoyed that episode. That was really special getting to do that with my husband. And uh obviously we are not experts at this. We are still very much in the process of raising voice, but um, we have learned a lot along the way. And so hopefully what we have learned was able to be of some benefit to you, and um just pray that you were all blessed today. So before we close, as always, I would like to leave you with a charge to encourage you in your calling. So today, here is my charge to you. Mamas of boys, you have been given a tremendous privilege in raising men. Your boys are not broken, a problem, or less valuable than your girls. They are a gift, they are a rich inheritance. They are the future leaders and warriors of the kingdom. The world does not need softer men. It needs men who are strong enough to stand when it counts. This means that you, as their mother, can't afford to be soft. You need to have the strength and courage it takes to let them take risks, to let them be wild, and to eventually send them out fearlessly to fight for what is good. The calling isn't easy, but it is so, so worth it. So, mothers, don't shrink your boys. Don't hold them back. Don't try to tame them, micromanage, or apologize for their strength. Raise them, call them up, train them. Be the mother who respects her son, not coddles. Be the wife who honors your husband's role in training their masculinity and doesn't try to take over. Be the woman who doesn't quake in fear when danger comes. Because one day, they won't just be boys in your home. They'll be men shaping the world. So have courage, dear heart, and embrace the glorious gift of your son's boyhood. Until next time, embrace your high calling, live a better story, and keep the flame of your citadel burning brightly.