The Passionfroot Podcast
Global 20-30 year olds exploring life, purpose, and faith outside the box!
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The Passionfroot Podcast
4: How Values Led the Way in 2025: A Reflective New Years Conversation
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Welcome back Passionfroots and Happy New Year! In honor of the holiday, today we each look back on 2025 - discussing the unexpected changes and how our values kept us grounded, the challenges and the growth they led to, and more. We also look forward to 2026 and talk about how we're preparing for it, what hopes and dreams we have, and what tone we're setting for the year.
Join the conversation by clicking on "send us a text" to let us know what your mantra for 2026 is, and join our Discord to continue the conversation further 🥳
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Darcie
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Evin
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Max
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INTRO MUSIC
Track & Field - Arc De Soleil
#thepassionfrootpodcast #NewYear #NewYear2026
How do we allow ourselves that space to let ourselves change, but still, you know, remain grounded and remain like you know, stick to our values, I guess, um, while also remaining open-minded enough to evolve. This question is just coming out of again the mind of a person who is also going through like religious changes and deconstruction like Evan is. And, you know, so some of my values I'm questioning, or what I thought were my values. And so, yeah, I'm I guess I'm just wrestling what is going to help me stay grounded as I'm also allowing myself to go on this journey. So, yeah, the question of you know what develops those values, how do those values remain anchored?
SPEAKER_02Welcome to Passion Fruit, where we navigate life, purpose, and faith outside of the box. I'm Evan, I'm Mel, I'm Darcy, I'm Adwa, and I'm Max.
SPEAKER_00Let's dive in.
SPEAKER_01Despite the fact that we're like doing this online on an online platform, I'm pretty analog today. I have my notes right here printed out.
unknownDiscussing.
SPEAKER_01That makes one of us. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Passion Fruit Podcast. Today I am here with Max and Evan.
SPEAKER_04Fruit.
SPEAKER_01Hello. And yeah, we thought we it would be fun to do a smaller group today. We do have a lot of previous podcasts. I don't know when this is the well, actually, I do know when this one is gonna go out because I'm gonna do everything that I can to make sure it goes out by the end of the year or it'll kind of be irrelevant. Um, so this will be going out after three podcasts where it's been the full team. So all five of us in conversation with each other. So this will be a little bit of a yeah, change of pace, but I like I think these smaller group podcast conversations will be fun. Um and today we three decided to talk about the new year and reviewing what 25, what 2025 brought for us, um, what we may have expected out of it versus what happened. Um, and then also just like looking into 2026, imagining, dreaming, um, just chatting about that. It's the new year is always really exciting for me. I definitely used to be a New Year's resolution girly, and to some extent, I definitely still am. I feel like I go about it in maybe a more realistic way now, but I love all that stuff, like vision boarding and journaling into the new year, yeah, things like that. So let's get started. Um, Evan, would you so well actually let's do a little bit more of a celebration?
SPEAKER_02Evan is here. What did you say? Oh, hello. I said my heart just dropped when you said some recently.
Prepping for the year through scripting
SPEAKER_01I I always feel like I have to do a little bit of an introduction since Evan is busy with grad school and not always in passion fruit stuff. Although because the last three episodes like have been posted and this is gonna be the fourth one, like you're in all of those to the audience. The audience, right? You're in the hair consistently. Yeah, yeah, it's the art of it. We haven't in real time right now. We haven't like been able to record with you for a couple episodes, so it's really nice to have you back.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Wait, how often are have you all been recording? Thanks. Um, not every two weeks. No, dang, twice a month, twice a month. So okay, okay, okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Not exactly every two weeks, but give or take.
SPEAKER_01Give or take, yeah. Okay, wow.
SPEAKER_02All right. A little bit of FOMO.
SPEAKER_01I'm here though. We just posted the FOMO episode, actually, Evan. So you could review. Oh, yes. Yes, I will. I'll lean in. Okay. But yeah, tell us about your year. Walk us back to the beginning. Like, what did you do like going into 25, 2025? Or maybe this is something you do every year too. How do you prepare for that?
When the year takes you on an unexpected path
SPEAKER_02Okay, so I have this book here, and it's it says good things happen on the front. It is my scripting, not my journal, but it's my scripting journal. I have a journal and I have a scripting journal. In my scripting journal, you can call it manifestation if you want. Um, but in my scripting journal, I write out things as if they've already happened. And so I'm like expressing gratitude for the things that I want, whether it's about and I do this with like multiple topics. So I have someone like, for instance, like generosity or wealth and abundance, or like things about my music, like life, um, being a musician, or my professional pursuits. So at the start of this year, literally January 1st, 2025, I wrote an entire script that basically says that this year was gonna be the year of balance and alignment. So you see it across here. And I scripted in detail um things that have to do with my spiritual journey. And the thing is, the key for me is to keep it still fairly broad enough that the year is still gonna play out how it wants. However, the intention is that um I just I it's like I'm priming my brain to look for things that make me feel more aligned, more in tune with myself throughout the year, because that's the word I gave myself. And like I said, it feels like very intuitive. It's not something that I overthink. I literally just sit in front of, I sit with the paper at the start of each year for the past three years now, and whatever I feel comes to mind, that's what I write down. Usually it has something to do with the year prior. So if I feel, if I felt myself shifting in a certain direction in the previous year, then that's what I lean into a lot for my for the new year. But it's less about it's not necessarily that I'm creating goals like here on my New Year's resolution goal. I don't do New Year's resolutions um anymore. I'm just like, this is my intention. And I have broad themes that I want to lean into, whether it's spirituality, with my relationships, um, whatever kind of relationships those are, family, romantic, whatever, and some just more like specific character growth things. So that's kind of how I script. Um, and then I say, Oh yeah, this was the year of stability for me, inner stability. I found more peace and things like that. And then and then at the end of the year, I can look back and I read it and I'm like, oh my gosh. Like I had no clue this is where this was gonna go. But yeah, it played out.
SPEAKER_03So yeah, so let's I love it.
SPEAKER_01Let's dig into that then. Like, and I I do want to go back to that whole technique and talk about, you know, what we're doing moving into next year and things like that. But I do want to go on maybe a more of a personal level and ask, how did this year pan out? Did you I mean it sounds like from what you're saying, it sounds like your intentions did play throughout the year, but they just played out in a different way than you would have expected at the beginning of the year. So could you walk us through what that looked like?
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah, I will talk on the main one, which is spirituality. Obviously, that was the big overarching theme for me the entire this entire year. I thought at the start of this year that I was probably going to grow a little bit deeper um into Christianity and things. Like I thought this is gonna be the year that I'm like, okay, I'm going in, I'm gonna have a healthier per understanding of God, and it's not gonna be attached to anxiety and things, which is true. However, I just moved further and further away from Christianity.
SPEAKER_00How you got there was quite different.
SPEAKER_02Was insanely different, and that's it, it it just is not what I expected. So and that's kind of I feel like that's kind of in a sense I'm not mad at it because I don't think that I had a specific uh goal for my deconstruction apart from just wanting more peace. Um, and so for me, I'm not necessarily like disappointed that it didn't pan out in the way that I'm like, okay, now I'm just like a super grounded Christian or I'm just like super, you know, um, I have a healthier perspective with church. Like, I'm okay with that because that wasn't even the goal. Like I didn't that wasn't the goal. I just I just assumed that that would be where I would land because that's what I'm used to. But but the fact that it went out a completely different way, it also allowed me to connect more with my father because we're on similar trajectories now spiritually. And that was also very different. So I feel closer to my dad because of where we are as well. So all the conversations we've had this year on these types of topics, so we're now where we've landed, it's like I don't know. Um almost feel like the black sheep sheep in our family at this point. Like so, yeah, but I think that that's the main way. I just thought I'd be more grounded in Christianity, and now I'm like complete opposite.
SPEAKER_01Like, but you followed the path that was open for you. I mean, like pretty much that I yeah, I guess I guess it became obvious along the way that this was where you're supposed to go. Um and yet you were able to still remain grounded in your original intention, right? Like aligning alignment and peace. And like you said, you did arrive there, even though the path was the completely different path than what you expected to go on. Yeah. Did it feel at any point like this because it was so unexpected, did it feel unaligned and lacking peace along the way? You know, no.
SPEAKER_02Um actually interesting. Like I because I feel like this year I also feel so in I felt so in tune with myself this year. I don't know if y'all have experienced this in Christianity, but I guess we're I feel like we're also different with our journeys. But I think I spent so much time getting to know the Christian God that I was presented with. Like it was, it's been my whole pursuit to learn God more that I felt like I wasn't fully learning myself more. I don't I don't know if that makes sense. Like this yeah, I felt like I actually leaned into what are my what are things that I genuinely like like to do? Or what are my actual views on things that actually feel aligned with like who I am at my core versus what I thought I was supposed to be aligned with based on Christian beliefs. Does that make sense? And I feel like when I was able to strip that, strip away the expectations that I felt like were placed on me through Christianity, I actually was just like, wow, this is what I like, like this is what this is how I'd want to spend my time. Like, wow, I didn't, you know, like and part of that was yeah, it's like small thing in small ways too, like even small things like getting into yoga and being like really into yoga now, and like you know, just little things like that. I'm like, wow, I felt really connected to myself this year, and so that's why I can I cannot be disappointed that I would I didn't it didn't feel jarring at all, it just felt more and more peaceful as the year went on. Because yeah, everything just felt like oh, this is falling into place, this is falling into place.
SPEAKER_00Like if I can make one observation that I I yeah it's kind of percolating in my mind as I'm hearing you describe this, because uh obviously, even off air, I've heard you describe a lot of your process this year, but I think it's interesting hearing you frame it in reference to you started the year thinking, like, oh, you're gonna go deeper into Christianity, but it also sounds like especially now kind of in retrospect, and seeing you now reacting to things that were kind of the version of the faith that you were most deeply interacting with. I think it might be the case that there was no deeper for you to go in that lane. You know what I mean? Like going deep like going deeper into that flavor of things would have just been spinning your wheels, I think. And you you would have ultimately just ended up with like unanswered questions and unaddressed like circular logic and stuff like that, right? Like it would have just been like it in order for you to actually go deeper in any direction, you had to change direction at at some level or another.
SPEAKER_01I like that.
SPEAKER_00That's kind of what it's coming across to me as.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I like that. And as a little like teaser, I guess to our audience, we're we're planning definitely me and Max, and maybe Evan too, to have a conversation about like faith and knowledge and how those two like intertwine with each other. And I think um, like Evan, you and I have also had a conversation like again off-air this come this year about pursuing questions and pursuing knowledge and how like growing up Christian, a lot of times that that felt at least like it was kind of frowned upon and a certain extent, like to know more is to lose faith in some ways, or or like you shouldn't be seeking too much knowledge. Um, because I don't know, sometimes maybe yeah, you get to that point that Max was kind of saying, at least that you got to, where you've gone down that path as far as it can go. And if you're gonna keep asking questions and keep like trying to deepen something, I guess the only other option is to take another path. Um like experienced that this year.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I like I like that you put it that way, Max. And of course, a lot of how my beliefs have shifted are directly connected to what I've been the the new way of thinking that I've developed in my, you know, in clinical psych in my doctor program for sure. Like it's all just bled into everything else for sure. I'm like, oh, I like viewing the world this way, it feels really, really connected to who I am, and it just like bled into everything else, including how I viewed faith and in religion. This year was just more so about me working towards being a better clinician and learning so many different therapy modalities and things that that's been like it almost felt that like this year, like psychology was my religion, if I'm being honest. Truly, like it felt like psychology is my religion because I'm so like into it, I'm so obsessed with it. I'm so like um it's just it's what I want to do in my free time. It's what I it's it's what I want to do with my career, it's all of it. So learning about that and learning how to approach people's problems or whatever they may bring to therapy, just learning about those kind of gave me a new framework for how I can live my life. I'm like, oh, it's almost like any kind of emotion that I'm experiencing, I can just apply whatever new modality I'm ex I'm learning about to that thing. And I don't know, it just it really did replace for me something like turning to the Bible because it just felt so much more practical for me. I'm like, oh, I know this works, like right here, right now. That's been the biggest thing for me this year that has kind of like um impacted my spiritual walk is really how deeply I've gotten into my field. Yeah, less about my classmates.
SPEAKER_00It's well, what's interesting to me is the way you're describing it sounds very much like even before you just said everything you said, I think, yeah, very powerfully putting it, it almost feels like psych has become your religion. Religion. Where do you where do you draw the line between a religion and a philosophy? You know what I mean? Because like lots of academic disciplines really are at some level a philosophy. And it's giv it sounds like it's given you either a lens or many lenses to use to dissect the human experience, and so you have all of these frameworks for accounting for your humanity and the humanity of others and how those intersect with each other, right? So it makes perfect sense.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_00Um, I you know, it's one of those things where like having gone through grad school myself, it does kind of hijack your thinking just by kind of like forcefully taking over most of your brain's time. You know what I mean? And and so, and like, you know, when I was in seminary, like I was thinking probably in like excessively theological ways about everything to the point that even like my interest in philosophy proper kind of got sidelined. It wasn't that it was gone because it's still kind of part of it, but like I was very much more Bible-only during that time frame, not even out of commitment, but because like I had like that's what I was studying. I had to be in a very Bible. I had to be in a very Bible-y headspace. I had to be like, oh man, yeah, what's that in Hebrew again? You know what I mean? And so like it it took over my headspace, and it's been interesting in the time since I've graduated that like I've now begun begone begun to onboard different ways of thinking. Um, not that they were never there in the first place, but I've been like, oh right, I had this other toolkit that I just I kind of had to put it aside for a bit because it just it did not help in grad school at all. So it's you know, grad school is a is a heck of a season and it can be very, very transformative in how you think for sure. So I I'm not surprised to hear you say like it feels like psych is your religion, because like it's religion, it's the thing, it's the way that I'm viewing the world.
Evin: My biggest takeaway from this year
SPEAKER_02Like it really is the way that I'm viewing everything, which to me feels fun if I'm being real. Yeah, it feels very fun, but but yeah, there's definitely probably some tunnel vision happening naturally because it is the way our like my brain is being forced to think and conceptualize everything. So yeah. Maybe perhaps I'll uh maybe perhaps I'll attain more balance in a different season of my life, but like I don't know.
SPEAKER_00But it's also it's good to be able to do a deep dive, right? Like it's good to be able to sharpen yourself within a framework, right?
SPEAKER_01So definitely, yeah. And how how much longer do you have in school? I forget.
SPEAKER_02I'm in my third year now, so I have two more years. It's a five-year program. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01So yeah. So just just looking at next year, like I I'm assuming, I mean, I'm sure next year will bring you a lot of other unexpected things, you know, in a good way, hopefully. But like it will also be, you know, more kind of like deep diving and into the world of psych and like learning to see the world through that lens. So that's kind of exciting. You'll just get deeper and deeper into that. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that's the hope. Aside from like all the literal lessons and like things that you've had to study and learn this year in school. Um, is there anything that has stood out this year? Any other like lessons that you've taken away from various experiences this year?
SPEAKER_02Wow, that is so hard.
SPEAKER_01It's a very big very, very, very difficult to think about. Just I almost in one podcast, like I was looking at my camera roll just to remember what I did this year, because I really, I really do live so much on my camera roll. I take so many photos, which is a bad and a good thing. But I like I do like being able to go back and scroll and just remember and just like wow, I did so much this year. And looking at the photos rem reminds me of things that you know, what like thought processes or questions I went through this year, too. It really is a very vast scope. So if you can think of something, that'd be fun to hear.
How values keep you grounded as you experience change
SPEAKER_02I yeah, I just thought of one. It's it's the thing I said at that one time when you asked us to give a piece of advice about something and it was in our little pamphlet. You remember when you asked us that? Um, it's I at that time I said, let yourself change. Like it's okay to let yourself change. That is what I say, I've learned this here. It's okay to let it you can change your mind at any time, actually. Like you can change your mind, you will change, so let yourself do it. And you don't have to constantly push back because you're afraid of who you might become or what it's gonna mean. Just literally, genuinely let people say, trust the process. Because I I think let allowing myself to change so much this year, and I think a lot of it is on brand for turning 25 this year, too. Like it's like everybody says, like, this is what happens.
SPEAKER_00Congrats to your brain's hemisphere is connecting, literally connecting.
SPEAKER_02Like, I think because I let I let myself change so much this year, it has also allowed me to remain open to how much I will probably change next year as well. Like, I don't think just because I'm this way now means this is the new me forever. Like, doesn't you know, and I'm okay with that. And it's okay, but that's only because now I have let go of this belief that I have to hold on to these things, and this has to be my belief forever. This has to be me forever. So that's my biggest thing. I'm so happy I just let myself change.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that that kind of leads. Me to a question that I have actually for both of you that I just thought of and didn't write down. So you may not be prepared for the answering this question. But like I just think of, I think back to you talking about your your general intention for this year, Evan, and how it was, you know, alignment and peace. And it ended up happening, but it didn't end up happening in the way that you thought it would. And you're just now talking about like how it's important to let yourself change. Um, but yet you still remain grounded in some ways, right? And like your intention from the for this year kept you grounded, even though the year ended up vastly different than what you expected. Um so maybe yeah, just a question, just pondering, and so anybody can voice their thoughts on this. Like, how do we allow ourselves that space to let ourselves change, but still, you know, remain grounded and remain like the the you know, stick to our values, I guess, um, while also remaining open-minded enough to evolve.
SPEAKER_02Max, you have thoughts yet?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, plenty. You can go through sure. I mean, if it's a strictly like values question, um values gotta be based on more than vibes. You know what I mean? Like, and and that's one of those things where I think you know the the philosopher in me wants to say, like, okay, if I have values that are like guiding like posts, like things that are solid in my life that I can depend on as like whether it's morality or whether it's principles or whether it's just things that I think are important, then that's gotta that's gotta be based on more than what I feel or what I'm going through. You know, like that's gotta be a little bit external to myself, whether just through like being able to appeal to a concept, a philosophy, a a moral framework, or whatever. Um like I think when you have those things that aren't tied to your feelings, that aren't tied to like subjective experience, then you're able to say, like, okay, well, I've got my like post over here that I can hold on to. So that means if experientially and emotionally I'm just flopping around like a flag in the wind over here, okay, but I'm tied to a pole. So there could actually be a whole lot of movement. This is turning into a really weird metaphor. There could be a lot of movement, you know what I mean? Like, you know, a flag, it could be literally flapping around and going up and down and all over the place. But if it's anchored to something, then okay, then there's your reference point, right? Yeah, so I think like, yeah, that's where I'm just like, okay, that's the balance of like the analytical part and the experiential part of yourself, right?
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. Yeah. What did you say? I think you said this. What did you say, like kind of ties down those values though? Like, um, is it is it experiences? Did you say something like that? Uh I have an experience and that develops a value. Cause I'm just sorry, this this question is just coming out of again the mind of a person who is also going through like religious changes and deconstruction, like Evan is. And, you know, so some of my values I'm questioning, or what I thought were my values. And so yeah, I'm I'm I guess I'm just wrestling. What is going to help me stay grounded as I'm also allowing myself to go on this journey? So, yeah, the question of you know, what develops those values, how do those values remain anchored?
SPEAKER_00It's one of those things where like it it becomes weird when you talk about a dichotomy between experience and anything else, or like experience and logic, because like even the logical parts of your life, like your whole life is your lived experience. So it's it's kind of abstract to separate those things. Um I think for me, like one of them again is being able to locate some of your values outside of yourself. Obviously, religion does that for people, but like if you're a committed utilitarian ethically, okay, well, then the utilitarian calculus exists outside of yourself. That's literally about like how do my actions affect other people, right? And other people are outside of myself. And that again could be uh, you know, saying, like, okay, I'm trying to have a less individualistic framework about the values of my life. So family, culture, heritage, like I I have something that I owe to those things as well, or tradition. Like I belong to a tradition of people or to the the legacy of the people that have come before me. That can also be an anchor point, or it can at least inform what your anchor points are. For me, like one one of my big things that I come back to all the time is like, okay, what does that mean? How does that reflect me being Okinawan? Like, would I would I want to put this decision I'm about to make? Would I want people to find that out about us as a people if I did this or that? Right? Like I'm representing something larger than myself that's not necessarily religious, but I mean, where do you draw the line between culture and religion? Right, again, same thing with philosophy, right? Exactly. So it it's one of those things where um also like for me, again, saying that there's the analytical side, logic, like to me, logic is a very, very important grounding reference point because, like, you know, if anything, having logic as an anchor means that then I I can do the flappy flag thing with my emotions, and like reason is there to kind of counterbalance.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_00Um, so yeah, all kinds of things, like again, you experience them through life experience, but I think you can distinguish um that which is subjective and that which is if not purely objective, at least external. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, words.
SPEAKER_02I also had thoughts to that too. Um I think probably the the main thought I have to your question, Darcy, and it's something that my my clinical supervisor helped me with this year, is that I don't know it, I don't know that it's that my values have necessarily changed. Like if I think about my values of authenticity, integrity, intuition, they have been my values since they've just been my values, like since since I've known values. Like it's just that the way that I understand them have changed. So it's that it's like the values have remained the same. It's just they mean something different to me now, but I don't know that it's my that it's my values that are changing. So, like she told me once, for instance, if someone says they value family, maybe family meant like valuing family meant I'm I want harmony amongst my blood relatives. And so I'm going to make sure that I have harmony versus maybe another time in their life, they're like, oh, actually, family is about the people who I choose. And so I am going to prioritize the people I choose to have in my life. That is my that that's the way I value family. But the value is the same in terms of like what the value is. So for me, I think that's how I've stayed grounded because that's what that's why I think on one hand I feel so different, but on the other hand, I'm like, this is these have always been my values. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00If anything, a change can be you finding a more um naturally occurring expression for the same set of values, or like exactly finding a framework that that matches more easily. Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_02Right. Precisely, exactly.
SPEAKER_00And I think also not to not to hijack it, but one of the examples you gave there, Evan, about family. Um, you could have an instance where you keep like you might have two values, and at one point one of them just takes a slight precedence over the other. Yeah. Like with fan, if if you really value family and you also value harmony, your understanding of what constitutes harmony could get refined. You could get to a point where you're like, oh wow, being really conflict averse is actually not conducive to true harmony, it's conducive to the illusion of harmony. And I actually need to be more confrontational in order to value family, in order in order for that harmony to be honest, right? So, you know, I love it. And other people might not experience that as being pro-family. Other people might just be like, Oh, you're making me uncomfortable. You must you must hate us, right? No, I'm trying to help us practice being more honest with each other, right? For the sake of closeness. Like that's a whole it might seem like a total paradigm shift to some, but to others, it's just a a slight realignment for the sake of the the initial value in the first place. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02My supervisor said pretty much that same thing. She's like, Yeah, well, is harmony being in agreement, or is harmony being very different and accepting each other's differences and realizing that's gonna bring up conflict.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02So, yeah.
Max: Surviving a harrowing year
SPEAKER_01This is really good. I like this. Um, I think this is really important for like a new year's conversation as everybody's looking forward to the new year or looking into the new year, yeah, and like wondering what how am I gonna change as a person, what is going to change about my life, and like really focusing in on those values and and knowing that those are you know less changeable things and being able to ground on that, I think is really important. Um, I think this topic is just really interesting to me because um I don't know, I guess I I guess I've confused maybe values with certain things such as church doctrine. Um, like I think those lines get a little bit blurry growing up in the church. And so certain things that, like I said, like I thought maybe I thought that was my value at one point are changing, and I'm realizing that was less of a value and more of like a a tradition that my church did, or just like a practice that was equated with values, but it wasn't wasn't a value.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was the way your church expressed this value, but you found that there's other ways of expressing the same idea.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I love that. So yeah, Max, going off of that, if you don't mind, I think we'll move into asking you about your year. And like I know you've had a time of it, which people have probably caught glimpses of if they've watched our our channel. Yeah. Um, but go yeah, going off this values question, like you have had a tumultuous year. Have you seen maybe some of your values kind of keeping you secure even as things are are tumultuous in your life? And then also, yeah, I'd I'd be interested in in you just sharing with people what have you gone through this year.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um I'm struggling with what order to answer goes in.
SPEAKER_01I found the good sweat segue, but we need some clarity first.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, what's what comes first? What comes first in that equation? Um I hope everyone enjoys that sound. Um I I would say I came into this year. If I if I'm gonna frame this similarly to how Evans section was framed, I came into this year with the singular goal of surviving. Um with kind of expecting that to be the thing that would be tested. And I did it.
SPEAKER_01You did it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's that. Yeah, goal survive.
SPEAKER_01Expectations match.
SPEAKER_00Expectations met, absolutely. Um, which is also to say, like, I came in expecting my my uh human drive for survival to be tested. Uh, and tested it was in ways that I both did and did not expect. Um yeah, so like, yeah, when it comes down to values holding me through, yeah, definitely observed that being true. Um, I think I over the last few years, like there are family relationships that I invested a lot of time in, even just in terms of like people I spent a lot of time with. Um, and lo and behold, those connections came through for me uh when I needed help. Like, look at that, imagine. Um and you know, things like um, you know, the I I greatly value selflessness, like I try to be self-sacrificing and to think about a picture bigger than myself. And then when this move happened, I had to make a bunch of sacrifices, and I was able to make those sacrifices, and it was difficult, but I was able to orient myself towards saying, like, okay, this is not just about me personally, this is like a bigger picture thing, this is a family thing, this is a marriage thing, this is making sure I take good care of my dog thing, you know what I mean? And all of those factors played a part, and yeah, it was really hard a lot of the time. Like, I had to do it through tears, as uh both of you witnessed off the record a good handful of times, Evan especially. Um but you know, there was a lot of uh yeah, just having to be clear on what I was sticking to and then following through on sticking to it. Um I don't even know. I I feel like I've gotten far from the wording of the questions, but no, you're doing great. No, I don't think cool. I mostly just don't remember the wording of the questions at this point.
SPEAKER_01I don't either. But like we're just talking, yeah, yeah, just going, motor mouse.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, I mean I I think because my whole approach to this year was about just surviving it and getting through to it. Um, it in a lot of ways it made it pretty simple. Um, like if I was getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other and like getting my work done and getting my passion fruit content done, I was like, good enough. Like I had one music project that came out this year, and I was like, uh honestly flabbergasted at myself for getting it done. Uh unbelievable that that even got finished. So cool, you know. Yeah, um, and it it's interesting, like the the complexity of this year, and is it not even like it was complex. I did one really big thing with a lot of cascading implications. Um, but just like the the all-encompassing nature of those implications, the all-encompassing nature of like moving to a completely new, different place. It it really did make the demands of my life very simple in the sense that like I am starting over. Like it it feels like building from scratch, and so it's like anything I do, it's like, yeah, I mean, I guess that's what you gotta do, because there's no precedent for whatever other part of your life that there's no groove to fall into, there's no default to default to. So everything you do is essentially an experiment. Everything I do is essentially an experiment right now.
SPEAKER_01So yeah. Have you experienced any of um sorry, Evan?
SPEAKER_02I was just gonna ask, I if any of that feels freeing to you, or is it just mostly jarring and unsettling? Like that the fact that you're creating a new default.
Finding yourself in a new place amongst strangers
SPEAKER_00Uh freedom is jarring and unsettling, I would say. Like they they really go hand in hand. Freedom freedom is such a disorienting thing. You have to choose, it's not laid out for you, it's not picked for you. You have to issue forth from your own agency. That's wild. Um, it's it's one of those things where like when you could literally do anything, it's very easy to not do anything. Anything. Right? It's very easy to do nothing because like what do you what do you mean I have to reinvent the wheel of my life? You know? Yeah. Um, and so like in a sense, it is freeing, but it's it's freeing into the most wide open, flat plane that I could possibly be standing in front of. Because it's like, okay, run in any direction, and you know. Okay, where do you which one? Which direction? Um yeah. Yeah that's what that looks like for me right now.
SPEAKER_01Do do you um and then I know you're you're still new in your area. You moved just for context, you moved from Canada to England, so seriously huge move. Um, and I know you said like right now, you don't really know a whole lot of people, or at least have deep friendships. You're getting to know people, you're going to spaces where you're interacting with the community and like maybe getting to know your neighbors a little bit. Um, but have you started developing more closer friendships there? And do you think you could see maybe some of those, you know, like Evan's experiencing with grad school and with the people that she's surrounded with in grad school? Do you anticipate maybe life changing in in positive ways for you by the new community that you're interacting with? And are you excited for that, maybe like going into next year?
SPEAKER_00I I mean it's one of those things where I think I I'm just playing the the long and slow type of game. Um because yeah, right now most of like there's cool people I've met. It would be silly for me to call it anything resembling closeness. Like it's it's I've had some fun experiences with people, but it's not these aren't people I've known my whole life, right? These aren't people I've known a long time, these aren't people I've anyone I know here, I've known less than a year, frankly. And so it's you know, we'll see where those connections go. We'll see how much they deepen. Um, it it is also you know, I've been out of school enough times and for enough time. Like I've graduated undergrad and then I've worked, and then I've graduated from grad school and then worked. I've been out of the school ecosystem for a long time, long enough time to understand that like it's just different now. Like this level, this stage of adulthood is just the the social dynamics are different. Um, meeting people is a different beast altogether. Um and it's like, yeah, it's just this is what this time is now. Um I'm not expecting to form friendships that are gonna feel like people I've known since day one or even people I've known for 10 years, because I haven't. I've been here less than a year. Um yeah, I I mean like some some days that's frustrating, some days it's like, oh, it's kind of lonely. And then but at the same time, I have to look at it and just be like, what else are you gonna do? You know, like there's there's you do what m conjure m magically summon the people you know well, like that's not gonna happen. So okay, adjust ex expectations, right?
SPEAKER_01So are there times where that excites you, being able to be in a new place and around new people, even though it's ultimately kind of a difficult thing?
SPEAKER_00Um maybe, kind of. Like a new new place is certainly exciting, like there's always something new to see. Um I don't know that I it depends on what aspect of it you're looking at. Because I I even without moving, I was always plenty interested in meeting a new interesting person, right? Like I could have I could have had that attitude anywhere in the world and and did. Um, so it's it's it's really yeah, be being in a new place, it's it's mostly just like, yeah, I mean meeting someone new anywhere was already an interesting thing to do. So like that's not a plus, that's just uh you can meet people, you know, like humans can meet humans. Um yeah, so like yeah, I do I do look forward to that. Like, I mean, I I met you guys. Um I mean Evan, I knew you from before, but well, right.
SPEAKER_02You didn't meet me.
SPEAKER_00Well, you met me, yeah, but like we met, but yeah, we met, but like we didn't really connect. But you at some point you were new, and that's great, you know. Um and like I've it's it's one of those things, like I've moved so much in my adult life, like I've moved so many times to so many places that it's not it's not even really like discovery. Like the the places feel like discovery because they're new places. The the dynamic of being like, oh, I'm somewhere new and I don't know anybody. I don't feel like I'm discovering that feeling anymore. I'm just like, oh yeah, this again.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you know, makes sense.
SPEAKER_00Um so like like having to hit social reset is just yeah, if anything, it it's something I'm tired of. Yeah, um, a little bit.
SPEAKER_01That's so real. That's true. That's fair. I think back to my childhood, and I I grew up like moving around a lot. Um I wasn't a PK, but I was kind of a PK a little bit because we would move from my dad's job a lot of the time.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And so moving was difficult each time, but I was also a child, and like especially the earlier moves were easier because you know, I just I hadn't really developed that deep roots. And I guess you're a lot more um like flexible as a kid when it comes to meeting, like moving and meeting and making new relationships, making new friends, and you're also in school, so you're literally there in community with other people your age, your peers. Easy to yeah, easy to make new friends, new connections. Um, and yeah, moving started getting harder as I got older. Like we moved right before eighth grade, and that was the most difficult move, I think, in my in my childhood years. Um, and and now that I'm Adult and I'm I'm experiencing living in a place for a while. Like I graduated and then I just stuck around in this area. Um, I've been here for four years now, like the after college, like after college, I've been here for four years. Um, and honestly, I think this year I've been I've been telling people this year is the one I actually feel like I'm getting ingrained in the community. Like I've been going to community events and the art, the art community specifically is like that's where I am in terms of my local city. Um, and so I've been interacting with it for all these years since graduating, but it's really just now that I'm starting to feel like these are my friends in this city, and like I actually feel like I'm a part of things here. Um, and yeah, so I can I can see how being an adult, like I think just developing those roots is more important and it is more difficult to to reach out and meet new people. That being said, I think I can see this place being enriching for you. I mean, you know, any situation, of course, can be turned, well, most situations I guess can be turned into something good. I'd say any, but any. I just want to leave some room for error there. Yes. But yeah, so we'll say most situations can be used for some sort of good and can grow you in some way. Um, so I definitely do believe that for you in in England, and I'm sure you feel the same way to a certain extent. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, I and this is the thing. It's like I'm not negative on it per se. Yeah. I think like, you know, day-to-day new experiences is like, oh yeah, you know, something good will happen today. I'll meet someone cool today, I'll go do something interesting today. I I think it's more so like I I wasn't counting on like this situation has to happen in order for me to do those things. Um yeah.
unknownYeah.
The growth that comes through a tough year
SPEAKER_02The thing I will say to that too, to that whole thing of community and how being in school makes it easier to meet people. Duh. Um but I will say too, this year, some of the new people I've added to my community have not been affiliated with my school at all. It's been through the yoga studio that I go to. And I was like, huh. And then it finally clicked for me. I was like, oh wait, yeah, the best way to build community is to keep going to the same places over and over and over and seeing familiar faces. And then it because it's like I've been at that studio now maybe for eight months, seven months, and it's like only now in my seventh month where it's like, oh, I see this person literally weekly. Let's hang out, let's actually, you know, do something since we know automatically you have something in common because we're both doing yoga. So yeah, that's been actually kind of nice because I'm like, oh, yeah, it hasn't even been anything to do with school. They have they're not even at my school. I just happen to know them because of this thing here. So that's also been kind of like uh what's the word? Giving me a little bit of hope for when I'm no longer in school to third spaces, yeah, third spaces, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Just keep going, keep going to the place. That's really why I've started feeling more part of my community here because I found a group of people that is very welcoming and like just they feel like my kind of people, and so I've been going to their events and showing up a lot, and and that has happened, like you said, Evan. It's like yeah, I I I keep showing up, and now I have friends, and that's pretty cool. Nice.
SPEAKER_02I like that you have friends, that's very good. Yeah, thanks.
SPEAKER_01Continuing into your year, Max. Um, what would you say you're most proud of accomplishing this year? Or several things. I feel like probably one of them is accomplishing a move. Like that's that's the biggest thing.
SPEAKER_00That's the that's the easy top place, yeah. Just having successfully done the move.
SPEAKER_01For sure. Definitely that what else? What other like positive things have you even even in a year of difficult stuff? Um, yeah, what are some of the accomplishments, things you're proud of? Favorite parts, whatever.
SPEAKER_00Um, I think and I'm I'm choosing very carefully how I talk about this because again, overexposure, social media. Um, my wife and I worked very constructively on communication. And it's not even that we were bad at it before, because we weren't. Um, you know, like we stereotypically do not fight. Um, we'll have disagreements, but like it's I think people would actually honestly make fun of us if they saw it. Like they would look at you and you'd be like, I'm I'm sorry, did you guys really just sit down and say, I need to express how I'm feeling to you right now because I'm frustrated about this? And just be like, Can you guys please just yell or something?
SPEAKER_02But like you yell or something?
SPEAKER_00Like, I know just being normal. Max, your whole thing is screaming. What's wrong with you? And you know, no, we don't bring we don't bring metal to the relationship discussion per se. Um But like, yeah, like we we just we did some really constructive work on how we communicate, how we you know resolve problems or misunderstandings, or how we plan for things, and I think that's that's been really good. Um I hmm, what else? My work from home workflow is just always steadily improving, and that's just been a lot of trial and error in figuring out how to best use my relatively unstructured time and how to give myself a bit more structure. Um I've gotten better at things like just problem solving and whatever. It's all really it's all simple, really mundane stuff. Um I'm really wow, I can do furniture shopping really effectively. Wow. Imagine it. Like just going to IKEA is such a wow, you know, it's an experience.
SPEAKER_01Uh actually scheduling adult uh doctor's appointments. Like getting the motivation to do that. I just tried to do that to actually women get your pops more. Get it done. I just tried to because I okay, yeah, I sh I definitely need to go to the doctor more often, but whenever I like got my own insurance a year or two years ago, it's been a little while. Um, I you know, I wasn't able to go to the same doctor anymore. And so I've just been really, really putting it off, finding a new doctor. And then yes, or no, two days ago, I sat down. I really, really tried, guys. I I did a bunch of research. I I figured out who I wanted to go see. I was like, oh wait, I've been to this one before. I'll go see her. She was on my insurances like list of approved, covered in network doc work doctors. Um, I talked to them, have them make her my primary doctor. Then I called the doctor's office. I should have done this the opposite way, but I called the doctor's office and I was like, hey, I'd like to make an appointment. And then they were like, Oh, what's your insurance? Oh, sorry, we don't cover that. And then I just gave up. So I'm gonna revisit that another day and get um an annual physical scheduled, which I haven't, yeah, I need to do. So that's totally an aside, but yeah, that's I'm gonna, I think that's something I'm actually bringing into next year. Like, I I'm gonna try to be more intentional about like my health and in terms of like doctors' visits and keeping up with things like that. So that's a really good thing. That's very max coded. So important. Yes, then go to the doctor.
SPEAKER_00Uh, you know, me me yelling at our followers.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, everyone go to the doctor next year in 2026. Hi, Rocky.
SPEAKER_00Oh, there's Rocky. I don't know. Oh, Max's dog. When this is edited, we can cut to his little shenanigans on the couch there. I guess that's another thing I'm proud of, is just making sure that he got here okay, because that was a whole oh my gosh, that might have been like one of the hardest parts of this. Um, like even just emotionally, um like having to take a flight to get from there to here. Oh gosh, that that was hard. That was really hard. Um, and and there was uh I did it. There was literally a part of me that was just like I I think within a few days leading up to it, and like even on the day of, there's a part of me that was just like, there's a chance that he could just die in there in the cargo hold, and that would be it, you know. And I I feel like I lived through that feeling over and over again, like leading up to it in anticipation. And sometimes it still comes back, like every once in a while, like if I'm having a low moment, that feeling of like, oh my gosh, he's gonna die, will just like kind of creep up on me. And you know, I I've worked through it, like I I understand that that's not true. He's literally right there, probably farting atrociously, like you know, that's that's what he does. Um, so I'm very aware of his very alive presence. Um, but you know, like it's that was a thing to work through. Um, you know, it's I I look at these present moments that I have with him here where we're like going for a nice walk or exploring a new place or something. I'm just like, yeah, see, this is exactly what I would have needed to see in those moments of fear. It's just like, oh look, we're here and we're living and we're thriving, and he's doing great.
Darcie: When a quiet year brings clarity
SPEAKER_01So you know. Love you here. Little things. You you overcame a lot this year, that's for sure. And I just hope that next year we'll bring a lot of a lot more peace to your life now that you're settled in a place. Yeah, you get to meet more people and and get more excited about the place that you're currently living in and develop those roots.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Little by little trying to put myself out there a bit more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And from the sound of it, you're doing a good job. Some of those events you go to, like some of those places, definitely sound like a lot of fun. I hope we can all visit you there sometime and you can give us a little tour. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I would love to have you guys here. It would be there's definitely there's definitely a lot to do. Like there's definitely a lot that I would show you. Um yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, I'll talk about my year a little bit. Yeah, and Darcy. That's as good as me. You too. Yeah, I feel like I had a really good year, honestly. Um, like I said, I I am in the phase of just like digging my roots a bit deeper in the place that I'm living, and I think I've experienced a lot of good from that this year. Nice. Um, in terms of like the first question that you guys both answered, you know, what were your expectations going into this year and how did it turn out? Um I so last year was my wedding year, um, and a lot of my time towards the end of the year was spent wedding planning. And so at that time, I knew I needed to take a break from selling at markets, and like selling my artwork at markets has been something I've done for the past three years or or longer, um, including oh, and also selling online, which I've been doing way even longer than that. Um, but I took a really, yeah, I just took a hiatus from that last year. And so going into this year, I expected, okay, once the time for the summer market rolls around again, which I've sold at for the past couple years, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that, you know, um get back into it. And when that happened, I just was not at all interested in in selling at markets, at selling online even, like at selling in general, in selling my work. Um, so that's probably the biggest shift I've gone through this year. Um, and it's been really positive because I've actually I've figured out where I want to be in the art world. Um, and I think that's that's my biggest takeaway going into next year. Like I know where I want to be, and that clarity is really nice and refreshing. Um, I know I don't I don't want to sell at markets, at least for now, and I'm still leaving that door open to in the future that could happen. I could get back around to being interested in that. Um, but I've discovered that, you know, making money off of my art right now isn't something I want to do, even though that's something I wanted, I thought would be the measure of my success for a really, really long time. Um, and I've learned more fulfillment comes through my art practice if I'm not doing it for money. So that's been a really good change that has happened this year. Um and I've also like been experimenting with more types of art, specifically writing. Um, you guys know I released a poetry collection this year. Um honestly looking at how my year unfolded, especially in the first half or even more than the first half of the year, I was wrestling with this the season I found myself in of being more quiet with my with my art because I wasn't getting out there and selling at markets, and I was looking at people I used to sell alongside, um, and looking at them doing their thing, um, growing, you know, continuing to find success. And I knew that wasn't where I was supposed to be, but there was definitely a sense of hmm, people aren't really hearing that much from me. I'm not putting much work out. I do feel maybe a little bit bit invisible in the art world. Um, and at the same time, my husband was also doing some touring, just a little bit of touring for like music. And I was contrasting my very quiet season with his more, much more active season in the art world. Um, so it I think it was, I think it was good for me. I think I needed that. Um, but it was definitely a learning curve a little bit for me to just like be settled with doing what I needed to do for my work instead of just constantly pulling, putting myself out there. And now, you know, I've gone through the year, I've let it be what it needs to be. And now at the end of the year, I'm a lot more active again. I'm actually gearing up for a show right now. I had the poetry collection release, and I feel really overall positive about where things are right now. So I'm glad I had the more quiet season at the beginning of the year. I think it was necessary and hopefully is preparing me just to be actually where I want to be next year and on. Question. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02How how did it feel to be in such contrasting seasons with Delano, who is also an artist? Like you're both creatives in different ways. How did it feel to feel that as it was happening?
SPEAKER_01I've I've said this before that I'm actually really got glad we're different kinds of artists. Um, I don't imagine I would be super envious, but like I wonder sometimes if there would be more competition. Um, even subconsciously, like, I don't think we're necessarily competitive people, but there just there might be, you know, a little bit more of that if he was doing nearly the exact same thing I was doing. Um, but because he is a musician and it's a different world, it I guess it was just a little bit easier for me to take. And also I realized too, like I've had my more active seasons while he's been a little bit more quiet. And he's been honestly, where he is now with his music and like this all this touring stuff, he didn't actually envision that for himself really. He's just been doing music just because he really enjoys it. Um, and he's been really just satisfied with where he's at along the path. So it kind of kind of came out like not out of the blue, but a little bit out of the blue from where he started. Um, and so because I have more been intentionally pursuing an art career, um, yeah, I've a lot of my years, a lot of our years with us dating, like it's been me showing out my work more than he has. So he needed that. Like I'm I'm very glad that he had that and I hope he continues to grow in in that field. Um, and I think also practically it would be really difficult if both of us had a lot of stuff going on at the same time. Um, if he was touring at the same time as I was doing shows and stuff, that would be really difficult. So it definitely really worked out, but um, it also I think he'll tell you this as well. Like I had a lot of moments where I was just kind of sad and not sure where comparing myself at that time in my life, like to where I had been previously and had more vision more obvious success than I did at the beginning of the year, um, and wrestling with that a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Sounds healthy. Yeah, that sounds healthy.
SPEAKER_00I remember thinking this to myself, Darcy, when you were kind of really in the thick of um kind of questioning how much you actually really value selling and like how much of a part that actually has to play in your um whatever, your your journey as an artist. And it kind of hearing you talk about it kind of got me thinking, like it in terms of like what everyone's stereotypical artist frame of reference is within the Passion Fruit team, who's actually currently like fully stepped into that identity like within 2025? Because Evan, you're like music's on the side, you're in grad school. I'm not playing with my band right now because I just moved. Mel is not really doing a lot of like art stuff right now because she has been really mostly focused on having kids. Yeah, Adjua has been kind of like taking on different projects. She's in Ghana right now, so that's like actually maybe she's the most aligned with her passion stuff right now. But you're using what I'm saying, like it's kind of like we're really all over the place right now as a group.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, I would actually push back on that a little bit. Like, I really feel like trying to be out there and selling is not that's not aligned with my passion at all right now. That's what I realized this year, you know. Right. Like I guess to be more aligned, I do want to I want my practice to be more active. And I think that was part of the issue earlier this year too, because it's not that I wasn't, it's not just that I wasn't going to markets and selling work. It was also that I had anticipated having a lot more time for art this year, and I still wasn't really finding that, or at least not finding the motivation as much at the beginning of the year. So there were maybe in those first six months or more, like some back of mind questions of like, oh, like, are you really an artist? Which I will admit is a silly question for me to ask myself. Like, I tell people all the time, I've told Evan this, like it's not, you don't have to always be making work to still consider yourself an artist. Right. Um, but I I deal with those those questions too, of course. And yeah, that happened earlier this year because I I was I was just quiet. I was just creatively, creatively quiet. But I do feel a lot more aligned now. I've st I've I've done a little bit of what I want to do in the art world. Um, making like installation pieces and showing them, and it's not really to make money, it's just to give people the experience with those pieces. Um, you know, I've I wanted to do some art residencies this year. I did not get accepted into any, but I'm looking towards next year, hoping I'll get accepted into some more art residencies and just meeting like meeting other people in the art world and going to different places to focus on making work for a week or two or a month. Um that's that's where I want to be in the art world and doing shows that, like I said, like the installation pieces, like showing art not for the sake of earning money, but for the sake of showing art. That's what I want to be doing in the art world, and I've done a little bit of that this year. So I'm moving towards a more aligned place. That's good.
SPEAKER_02Great for you, Girly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So very aligned. But you you are you are going through a season of redefinition, but it's it's towards alignment.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And I think I do think this year was yeah, this this year was my season of redefinition. We're getting towards some definition here. So um I like another thing I didn't really expect this year, especially because I was struggling with being interested in business and just getting really cynical about the whole marketing and consumerism thing. Um, something I yeah, didn't expect was that I ended up taking a business class. And I'm still kind of in that moving on to phase two. Like the first phase was meeting weekly with the class. Phase two is going to be meeting monthly with the class and with like mentors. Um and going into that. A lot changed for me. A lot changed for me. It's like hello. Um the business class actually really helped me continue that redefinition and like really refining where I want to be. Um because it it was like it was a structured some week program. I don't remember how many weeks, but it was it was two or I think it was about two months for the first part of the program. Um and you had to go through this this process of like building a business, but somehow doing that process and doing the work that came with it, it gave me a lot of time to just really think about where I want to be and what do I actually want to do with my work. And I know I want to sell it, but I want to sell it because I want it to be in the hands of people that would enjoy it. I don't necessarily want to sell it because I want to make a living off of it right now. Um, so that was actually really a really positive thing for me to experience this year. Um and yeah, like Evan said, art teacher, it was another bit of a swerve. I was asked to be an art teacher like less than a week before school started. Um They had crazy. They had hired an art teacher and then it just didn't work out. And um they asked me instead. Um, and that was definitely not something I saw coming this year at all. I've I haven't been interested really in being an art teacher until maybe later on in life. Um, but I said yes because there was at least a level of of curiosity there of wanting that experience, and I thought might as well, might as well get it now. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00Are they giving you some training? Are they giving you training like professional development?
SPEAKER_01It's trial by fire.
SPEAKER_02Just be our teacher, just come and teach.
Dreaming about the new year
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, it's it's an art class, and so I don't feel as pressured to be great because it's not math class. Like I and I, you know, I'm not putting art down at all, but it is, you know, it's an elective. It doesn't hold as much weight for them, you know, going into college. And like not everybody is going to want to be an art major. I mean, they're probably most people are just doing this class for fun because they have to do an elective. Um, so there's a little bit less pressure for me to just like learn on the go, and and that's okay. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. That's a little pressure. Yeah. Yeah. But I decide if I if I want to keep doing it next year. I'll have to this. I've finished the first semester or almost finished the first semester. So I have one more to go, and then I can decide do I want to continue this path of art teaching? Um, moving on to next year, I feel like we flushed out how 2025 has been for us pretty well. But I always get really excited thinking about next year, like what it could possibly hold. Um, so let's move the conversation there. For me, I had I did have a lot of goals this year, and I I think I think I said this earlier, you know, I I've let go of the idea of new New Year's resolutions, like the mindset that, oh, you have to start these goals and you have to keep it up every day, and if you don't, you fail. Like I've definitely let go of that. But this year I did have some, I wrote down some things I wanted to accomplish in like various areas of my life. Um, and I also wrote down a bunch of creative goals I wanted to accomplish. I ended up accomplishing one and like maybe half of a couple other ones, and I had a total of six. Um, so I'm bringing some of those into next year. Um, like, like I said, art residencies. I applied to a few. I didn't really do a whole lot in that, but I I definitely want to either get accepted, which I don't have control over that, except for just applying to them and hoping I get accepted. Or I would also love to just like host my own art residency for myself, which means just I'd like to get an Airbnb somewhere in the woods and like spend dedicate time to art in that for a couple days to a week. So like that, even that is acceptable to me as like accomplishing that goal.
SPEAKER_00Um Forest Fairy aspirations never seem to be.
SPEAKER_01Literally, yes, absolutely. Absolutely, literally. Um, so that's something I'm bringing into next year. Um, I also had this really fun idea. I want to host a fashion show just for me and my friends, um, just for fun. And that that so that was like something I wrote down as like, oh, that'd be kind of fun to see happen this year. Um, it didn't, but we did do back to fairies, Max. We did host a big fairy August birthday party. Um that was my that was my just for fun big creative project this year. So maybe next year, maybe we'll do like a little fashion show. Or I also discovered this year that I really like I enjoy hosting things like that. I enjoy hosting parties or events. Um, so I'm definitely bringing that into next year too, whether it is a fun fashion show or something else, just meant to bring like my close community closer and like give them a fun place to be and make memories. Um yeah, on that note, what are you guys excited for into next year? Do you have any like fun goals or projects that you're looking forward to in 2026?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, I I am really in my um health and fitness era right now. So I am very excited to continue to progress my yoga practice. Like um I uh improved my flexibility a lot this year, improved my core strength a lot this year. Um I improved my ability to just sit in silence and actually um practice that form of mindfulness more this year, too. That felt really good. Um so yeah, I think more mine are very physical fitness related because it's just so much fun for me. Um and then also just I think I really honed my style this year as a therapist. And it is very much you know, you ever hear people say things like which was it? Was it Friends? Sex in the City? I don't know. It was one of those shows where they were like they're saying he has three therapists. He has like the therapist that's his tough love therapist, then he has his therapist that's gonna coddle him, then he has a therapist that's just going to sit and talk with him. Um, I would say I'm definitely more a mixture of the definitely more of the tough love therapist, like very direct. Kind of like don't assume that your clients. I my supervisor is one who taught me like this year, do not assume that your clients can't handle something. Like, don't coddle them in that way. You don't know what their limits are unless they show and tell you in session. So assume that they can stand on their own two feet and treat them as such. And that has actually helped a lot for me. Um, and so I felt a lot more um, I felt like I've brought my personality a lot into the therapy room this year, and it's helped a lot in the therapeutic relationship. So I'm really excited about that and just continuing to read more books. I've I started reading more books this year too, specifically psychology related, though. Nice.
SPEAKER_01So I love that. That's actually one of my goals too. Um, I mean, I could read you guys the whole, actually, I don't have a whole list yet, but I could go on, but I'm not gonna bore everybody with all my goals. But since you said that, I definitely want to read more next year. And specifically, um, this actually is something I I wanted to mention in the podcast because I have been talking a lot about art and creativity. Um, but like also on this more spiritual side of things, I've told this to Max before. I feel like I have been doing the equivalent of collecting a lot of titles that I want to read in my library. And there are like, and that's usually that what I mean by that is like being interested in various topics surrounding like spiritual, existential, religious stuff, religious topics. Um, but I don't really go any further into those topics besides like listening to a podcast where people are having like an hour-long conversation on them. And then I move on to the next one. And it's become it's listening to podcasts and and doing and like dig digging into those or like doing things to satisfy my curiosity, it has become a form of entertainment for me. Um, but I really do want to commit to some of those things. I want to first of all develop what are the questions I want to specifically ask and dig like what topics specifically do I want to get into, and I want to do that next year um through especially through reading books. So that's definitely nice to dig deeper is is one of my goals next year that I'm quite excited for. Pretty cool.
SPEAKER_00I think it's cool. I hope I haven't I hope I haven't been too pushy about that because I know that that's something I harp on all the time is like get into the details, get into like whatever.
SPEAKER_01But like I no, yeah, not put not too pushy, inspiring, actually. Inspiring. Yeah. Um I received that.
SPEAKER_02How about you, Max?
SPEAKER_01And Max?
SPEAKER_00Um, right, goals for next year. Um, like I, you know, I want to continue meeting people, expanding my social circle. Like, that's kind of just a given, is it's like, okay, I need to keep building a sense of community around me. Um I've already been reading more than usual this year. Like, I've I've really I have made friends with books, and for a while I was worried that I'd kind of let that part of myself slip too much. Like, you know, in leading up to the move, and like even in the year before prior to that, with like working the job I was working and like trying to get settled into the rhythm of Passion Fruit, like our workflow is much better now, and I feel like I have more time now than I did before.
SPEAKER_03That's good.
SPEAKER_00I think that's just because like we've defined our roles and our archetypes and our like our our our Passion Fruit workflow actually feels very good to me right now. Okay, it's given me the room to read more, which has been cool. So like I've got that going for me. Um honest, uh this is gonna be such a generic max answer, but I just I have so many music plans for next year in terms of just like stuff that I've been working on.
SPEAKER_01Um I'm so glad to hear that. You didn't need to to like preface it by oh guys, this is just another generic max answer, right? So this is exciting, especially since this year hasn't been as musical for you.
SPEAKER_00It hasn't been, but I mean, I like there's a bunch of material that was like kind of partway done going into this year that is now close. Um I I'll I've got a bunch of vocal stuff that I need to redo. I've got some guest spots I need to get nailed down, but like there's uh not officially announced, we're doing a project. Uh I'm not gonna count this as a Kozan announcement because like the the audiences don't cross-pollinate that much per se. Fair at this point. We're at what we've been planning this for so long, I don't even mind talking about it. We were planning to do a project that was basically like a two-part thing, um where and now honestly, now I'm kind of thinking of it as a trilogy. Like, you guys remember me, we did Sun Waves, and that was really all over the place, right? Like that was like stylistically like very blended, and so my my goal now is to do like two EPs that really explore the polar opposite extremes. So one that is like really, really pop, like really, really like leaning on the RB influences and like pop rock, and like yes, quite frankly, it's all love songs. Um, the whole thing is love songs.
SPEAKER_02Ooh, I'm obsessed with that.
SPEAKER_00And then the other thing is just absolutely diabolical. Like I have to redo a bunch of the vocals, but I I there are a few instances. I literally sound like water going down a drain on some of these songs. Like it's just like it's just it's just the most abrasive material my band has ever done. Just like so heavy, kind of a little bit preposterous for us. Like, it's not like there's other music that's heavier than what we've done, but for us, it's gonna be like, oh my gosh, what happened to these guys? Like, who pissed Max off, right? Um so there it's that. Um, and I'm really excited about doing that. Um I don't know, it's it's gonna be fun to do that. I'm also really excited about the prospect of writing for other people. Like, I have my guitars now. Woo yay! I'm slowly trying to like build my setup again. It's it's felt so good to play guitar again. Oh my gosh. But I'm I'm trying to like get my production setup kind of up to par, up to snuff, so that I can just have my normal workflow. But I'm really excited to be like writing and producing for other people and like having music to pitch to other um creatives present company, potentially also included in that. Uh yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I would I was gonna I was gonna say that because I've been like the the best way for me to get back in that space is for me to collaborate with with other people who I like. So yeah, I'm like, yeah, let's do it. Let's get them all wrong.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, I've got I've got a few people in mind that I want to start writing for. So yeah, there's like my band kind of keeping it going in whatever way it can, writing for other people, including you, Evan. Um, and I like I think about that almost every day, actually.
SPEAKER_02Period.
SPEAKER_00Because we've we've been talking about it for so long, right?
SPEAKER_02This yeah, yeah.
What we are leaving behind
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, and then I also I it's funny, I was talking to Advil about this somewhat recently. I kind of came to the realization that I need to build a artistic identity for myself, like a brand, like frankly, a brand, that is just me. That's not a band, that's just something I can take with me anywhere, and that is written in a way that like I can carry my own production, even if I like if I have a band, great. Like if I've got people to play with me, cool. But if I need to just do backing track or just guitar and me, like it needs to also work like that. So I'm trying to make 2026 the year that I create that just me musical persona. So pretty good.
SPEAKER_01That's very exciting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, a lot of goals, but yeah, all kind of in the same ballpark.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. Is there anything you guys are leaving in 2025 very intentionally? Like anything you'd like to just leave behind?
SPEAKER_00I don't know that I have a singular word for this, but I have for a while. I'd say like the first half of the 2020s, honestly. The first half of this decade was very much me kind of feeling like life was happening to me rather than me kind of being in the driver's seat. And if there's anything I would like to leave in this year and not carry with me any further forward, it's that sense of like not being not like control per se, but like genuinely steering, you know, like the ship of my life. And like all of my choices about how I use my time, how I use my effort, my energies, like all being driven by like, no, I'm actually doing something right now. Like I'm making my life happen. That's that's where I want to go.
SPEAKER_01That's a good one. I think mine is actually kind of twofold. Um I guess this this is something that I've just you know, not just last year, but like many previous years have been trying to grow out of. But um for sure, like a comparison. And I think, and we've had the comparison conversation before where you know, obviously there is healthy can comparison, like it can be helpful to look at other people for some sort of sense of like normalcy, like what is normal or what or or even just to have other people like push you to to be your best self. Like that's those can be done in healthy ways. Um, but I think I do often look at other people and like what they're doing or thinking or feeling about something to like validate my own feelings or actions. Um and I'd like to stop doing that. Um I think so that's so that's like the first part, but then the second part is also like really finding my own voice um with things. Like I'm very good at hearing different perspectives and understanding where people are coming from. I like that quality about myself, but um, I struggle with going beyond that and figuring out now what do I think. Um so yeah, more less comparison and more confidence in my own thoughts and I guess ways of doing things.
SPEAKER_02Wait, Darcy, do you know your Enneagram?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_02Do you have what is it? I was wondering if maybe you definitely know what it is. I do. I don't know. I was I just feel like I was getting nine vibes very.
SPEAKER_01I was getting nine. Yeah. It's giving me nine. It's like quintessential nine. Uh literally like getting lost in the other types and losing yourself. Yeah, losing oneself. Yes, very nice.
A note on starting the year with healthy expectations
SPEAKER_02My boyfriend, because my boyfriend is Ryan is a nine too, and it used to it sounds so similar. I was like, you have to be a nine at this point. I am, in fact. Okay, good job. Yeah. Nice. But that's a good goal. That's a really good goal. I don't know that I have a full answer if I'm being real. Just part of it is just um the more clients I work with in therapy, the more I recognize my own stuff all the time. Like I see my own patterns and people all the time. And so one of them is trying to improve my intellectualizing habits of my emotions. Like I'm trying to stop. Like when I feel an emotion, I'm more so trying to figure out why, where's that coming from? What what when did I start feeling that? What does that mean? Like, which is very common. People who intellectualize their feelings. And you know, what the more clients I who I get like that, the more I'm like, dang, I really need to practice this on my own as well. Because I realize that it is very much a coping mechanism, so that you don't have to just feel things that don't always make sense, but you just learn to feel them instead of trying to constantly understand where it came from. Like it's helpful to know that to an extent, but at a certain point, you just have to sit with what is without trying to figure out everything else about it. You need to feel it. So yeah, yeah, that's what I'm trying to practice more in the new year.
SPEAKER_01Nice.
SPEAKER_00It's also very good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, definitely. I'm rooting for both of you in your new year's intentions.
SPEAKER_00We are all rooting for us.
SPEAKER_01I have I have two final questions floating around in my head, and I'm just trying to figure out the best order of these. The first one involves only, well, one of them involves only Evan, so I think I will make that the first one, and then the last one we can end with everybody. Um, this is a question for you, Evan, because of your um expertise and your career. Um think thinking about thinking about New Year's resolutions and people wanting to go into the the New Year on their best foot. Um like, do you have any recommendations for people that want to do something like that? Like, what would be harmful? What should like maybe should people avoid the concept of New Year's resolutions entirely and like sh or just try to think about it in a different way? Or even if you just want to share more in depth, because you shared a little bit of what you do specifically at the beginning, whenever you're per preparing for the next year. But yeah, just and I and I I know I started this out by saying because of your expertise, but even just from your like personal opinion, what advice would you give people if they want to prepare mentally and and goal um prepare goals for the next year?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I was gonna say it we are all very highly um intelligent, self-aware people here, so it would be very similar to something you would y'all would also say, which would just be to not to take literally take away that pressure that you need to have this new thing. January 1st is new year, like it's just a new me. Why in the world would you do that? Like to me, I just think what are you gaining from that all or nothing perspective, genuinely? Because it for me, I think is one of the it is one of the fastest ways of disappointment because you have such high expectations that you did not need to have of yourself. I think if you had goals in this year that you liked and you're like, yeah, I want to keep developing that, as we said here, continue doing that as well, because that's how life works. We don't tend to wrap up our goals each year and be like, met those now where's my next thing? It's usually an ongoing thing. So I think instead of trying to rebrand, if that's your regular goal, just try to continue to refine what is already happening, what you're already experiencing. Just refine it. And like you said, read re um if you have with your existing values as well, just see how it might be shifting a little bit more. You know, maybe it's going in a certain direction that it wasn't going in the year prior, and just I don't know, lean into that. But yeah, just my overall perspective on that is I I'm not gonna say don't make New Year's resolutions, you can do whatever you want. Um but I just think that it's more so about the intention. Like what is the purpose of you trying to set these goals? And how can you find balance in this very all or nothing practice? To me, my view, which is a very all or nothing practice of this is what I need for this year. Like, try to find the balance in that if you're going to do that.
SPEAKER_01So, yeah, fantastic. That's what I say. I think emphasizing, yeah, that it's it's not like it's not an all or nothing thing. It's not like you only have this year and you only have this one chance at the beginning of the year to start off the right on the right foot. Like, this is a continuous journey, and you're you're gonna progress in something. I mean, even if you have like a completely different idea of what the year will be or what you're gonna improve in at the beginning of the year, then what actually happens. You're still moving forward in some way, um, even if it wasn't what you expected to be moving forward in. So it's all important.
SPEAKER_02And and I'll say to that too, if you have goals, it is okay to change those goals in March and be like, actually, never mind. I changed my mind. It's okay, change your mind. It is okay. Change the mind April. Never April, only March.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_02But just I emphasize, yeah, change your mind if you want to change your mind. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay.
What are your mantras for 2026?
SPEAKER_00You know what's interesting because one of the things that people will say to denigrate the New Year's resolution is like, oh, you know, they'll speak of it derisively as this re this goal that you set that you're you're it's gonna fall off by the time you get to the end of January, or it's like, oh, you're gonna stick with it for three weeks and blah dahbly. And it's like, okay, so something is temporary. It's actually not a reason to say that something is bad. Um right, which is interesting. But then at the same time, it's like, okay, what does it being the new year have to do with anything, though? It's like, okay, so you have a goal, you have a goal now. Okay, so that's your goal right now, and it might change. And if it changes, that's cool. Yeah, yeah. But like, there's also like there's no shame with it changing if like if like life looks differently a month into the year, but also that's also a reason to say that like it being the start of a new calendar year d doesn't really have any bearing on the quality of that goal, per se.
SPEAKER_01Pretty much it's all mindset, it's all in your head, it's really a mindset.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, really, you can have that mindset shift mindset shift in October, and it's like this is what you're gonna do. Yeah, random day in the year.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and again, like your year can look vastly different from beginning to end. So uh, like if you have one idea of what you're gonna get done that year or do that year, like it's just expect it to change. I think that's okay. Yeah, yeah. Um, final question to end on. And if you can need a second to think about this, that's okay. Um but do you guys have a mantra for this year that we're going into?
SPEAKER_02I would like to. This is on the spot. First thing that came to my mind is to trust myself. Trust myself above external voices and things. Trust myself. That's it. I have to flesh that out for myself later. Time time to journal about that.
SPEAKER_00You don't want a like super, super long mantra, anyways, right?
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_00Like a five-paragraph mantra is kind of to wake up every morning.
SPEAKER_04Seven page dissertation. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Uh mine that I'm totally not making up on the spot right now. Ooh, no, this'll be self-indulgent. Uh a line from one of my songs that just feels particularly relevant right now. Don't be scared to try. That'll be mine for the year. Don't be scared to try.
SPEAKER_01It's a fantastic mantra for living in a new place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was thinking that my mantra next year is going to be the same when it was this year, which was create more than you consume. Um and, you know, I I played around with that. I like had my own little garden. I tried to maybe make some home more homemade stuff, like almond milk or like I just harvested a bunch of the peppers from my garden and let them dry and made like crushed red pepper. So there's food stuff. And then there was also just as an artist wanting to create more um things like that. So I was thinking, you know, I'll continue that into next the next year. And yeah, I will in some ways, because that's been something I've learned I liked to adopt. Um, I think really what I've learned I'm focusing on next year can be summed up very simply in two words. Um, dig deeper. That's gonna be my mantra for next year. And that I think that goes with, you know, digging deeper into where I've decided I want to be in the art world and really zooming in on that. And now that I know, now that I have that clarity that I've gained in this year, I can continue digging into that next year. It also goes, you know, for the spiritual journey and for the mini books that I want to read and digging deeper into topics that I'm committed to. And then I guess also the last thing I said about like um wanting to try to lose comparison a little bit more and like gain more confidence in myself like that. That also feels like digging deeper into myself and like my own thoughts. And yeah, so that that felt like it wrapped up all those things. And I yeah, I I I surprised them both with that question and I had some time to think to think about my answers. So it's a little bit unfair, but I think everybody came up with fantastic ones on the spot.
SPEAKER_00So I'm glad you challenged me with that because I honestly, my whole approach to New Years is very like hands-off and very almost resigned. But I actually like being forced to think about it and be like, oh no, what what is something I would say to myself like over and over again? And I'm I'm actually glad you forced me to think about that because I think that is actually a useful thought that I arrived at.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, and I this was really fun. Like, I'm really glad we got to have this conversation. I I you know just selfishly wanted to talk about the new year with you guys because it is something that I enjoy talking about, like dreaming and imagining and also reflecting on the last year. So this was fun. Thanks for for hopping on. Thanks for watching.
SPEAKER_00Hopping on gladly anytime.
SPEAKER_02Leading. Yes. Thanks for leading and and you know, encouraging us to think deeper, think more deeply about those things.
SPEAKER_00And great job facilitating the conversation too, Darcy. I feel like our flow was again like this felt really natural.
SPEAKER_01Good. I'll I'll go back to this and study what I did and try to re-implement it next time.
SPEAKER_00You were just you. That's the thing. It was great.
SPEAKER_01Active listeners. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. All right. Well, we're gonna sign off. Hope you all enjoyed listening to the conversation today. Um, and one more thing before we end, I'm actually for our listeners or watchers, if you're on YouTube, um, we have this. Well, actually, if you're on YouTube, this doesn't really apply, but still listen. Okay. So we have this fun thing on um streaming platforms that allows you to send a text to our podcast. So, so yeah, on YouTube, this will just be, you know, you can just comment. You've already always been doing that. But if you are on a streaming platform, you can simply click that button that I assume is there. I've seen it on Spotify, so I assume it's on other platforms as well. It says send us a text and answer this question. And again, for YouTube people, you can just respond in the comments. What is your mantra for this year? And we'd love to see your responses and maybe go over them in a future podcast or just share some of them on our Instagram story. Um, that would be fun. I'm super, super curious uh what other people's mantras are. And yeah. And we'll be back in a couple weeks with a new podcast. Max, did you have to do that?
SPEAKER_00And that'll be also a great thing to discuss in our Discord server if you'd like to make your way over there. Probably be linked in the description of this video if you're watching on YouTube or in the show notes if you're you know listening to this anywhere else. But yeah, join the Passion Fruit Discord server. It's you know, we're using it a bit more. We're planning to grow it in the new year. There's a new year goal for us. Uh yeah, building more community around these conversations because we do want to hear other people's voices as well.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Thank you, Max, for remembering to plug the Discord. Yes, we'd love to see you guys there. And yeah, we'll be back with another episode. Hope you guys have a wonderful new year and best of luck with all your goals and intentions and whatever you're setting for yourself. All right. Bye. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Bye. See ya. See you guys later.
SPEAKER_01Thank you everyone for joining us today. Stay tuned for our next episode. And in the meantime, let's keep growing together.