Things I’ve Stopped Doing as a Wedding Photographer

This week I’m reflecting on the habits and mindsets I’ve let go of throughout my photography career and how those changes have helped me become a more intentional, intuitive wedding photographer. From overposing couples and filling every silence to chasing validation, comparing myself to other photographers, and saying yes to everything, this episode is an honest conversation about growth, self awareness, and learning to trust my instincts behind the camera. I also share personal stories from real wedding days that completely shifted the way I approach directing couples, reading the room, handling timelines, and creating under less than perfect conditions.

I also talk about the pressure photographers feel to create work for social media, the temptation to chase perfection, and the reality that growth in this industry never really stops. Whether you’re a newer photographer still finding your footing or someone years into your career reevaluating your approach, I hope this episode reminds you that evolving is part of the process. Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs happen when we stop doing what we think we’re “supposed” to do and start leaning into what feels the most natural and honest to us as artists.

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Transcript

Hello everyone, it's yet another week of The Wedding Frame, and I'm so happy to have you here with me. Today I want to talk a little bit about what's going to be like a personal audit, a reflective moment for all of us because I don't know about you, but when I look back at how I used to shoot weddings, I'm like, okay, I cared, I was trying. I was doing everything I thought I was supposed to do. I had the Pinterest boards, I had the saved Instagram posts, I had the mental checklist of like, okay, I need this shot, I need this angle, this moment. And also, I was doing too much. I say this in a very nonjudgmental and self aware way. That's just part of the process.

Because when you are newer or earlier in your career, you're trying to prove something, even if you don't realize it. You're trying to prove that you're good, that you belong, that you know what you're doing. And sometimes that turns into overcompensating in ways that you didn't even notice until later. So this episode is going to be about me walking through the things that I've stopped doing over time. A lot of these things felt scary to let go of at first because they felt like safety nets. Like if I stopped doing this, am I still doing my job? And the answer, which I learned slowly, is yes. You're probably doing it better.

The first thing that I've stopped doing is overposing everything. And I feel like this one is almost a rite of passage. When you first start, posing feels like the job. It feels like the thing you're supposed to be good at. You watch videos, you save prompts, you memorize little movements. And so you show up to a wedding or a session and you're constantly directing. Like there's always something coming out of your mouth. “Okay, turn this way, drop your shoulder, bring your hand up a little more. No, not like that, a little softer.” You get my drift. So it's all coming from a good place. You are trying to help your couples. You're trying to create something beautiful for them and for yourself. But what ends up happening is a lot of the time people get stuck in their heads. You can literally see the change. They go from being themselves to being aware of themselves. And once that switch happens, it's really hard to get them back out of it.

I remember this one couple pretty clearly. They were so sweet, but also clearly a little nervous to be in front of the camera. And I went into full director mode. Like I had a plan. I had poses memorized. I had prompts. I was like, we are going to make this work and it's gonna be amazing. But the more that I directed them, the more stiff they got and I could feel it. But instead of pulling back, I just doubled down because that's all I knew to do, you know, have these memorized prompts and poses to have them do. So I was like, okay, maybe I just need to explain it better. Maybe I need to give more direction, which was not the solution.

And there was this moment where I just stopped, not intentionally, but I just ran out of things to say for a second. And in that little pocket of silence, they looked at each other and laughed. And you know what? No one told them to do that. It was just something that they did naturally. And they felt a little awkward and human and real. And I remember I quickly took a snapshot of them laughing and that's basically when I was like, whoa, this is what I've been trying to force this whole time. And I almost missed it because I was too busy trying to control everything.

And that moment really stuck with me probably because that's when I realized that I can't control everything. I can't control, well, first of all, I can't have this set of poses that I'm going to do when, you know, different couples have different body types and different vibes and, you know, not everyone's going to do, like I've mentioned in our previous episode, not everyone's going to want to do a dip or like the, you know, running around. You have to tailor the experience to each couple.

So that's how my approach is different now. I still do guide. I'm not just standing there like, okay, do something. That's also not helpful. They do need some guidance. So you just need to keep it simple. I'll give them something to do, like something that creates movement or interaction, and then I do take a step back. And stepping back can definitely be the hard part because there's always that urge to jump back in to fix something, to adjust something, to make it better, but that's going to interrupt the moment that they're having. And a lot of times, better just means more real. So I think that's a change that only happens when you've seen enough moments that happen organically to trust them.

The next thing that I've stopped doing is trying to fill every silence. This one, I feel like it's tied to personality a little bit, but also insecurity. Because I used to feel like I had to manage what was going on energy wise at all times. Like if things got quiet, it meant something was wrong. It meant that they were uncomfortable or I was making it awkward or I needed to fix something immediately.

So I would just kind of talk nonstop. I would even narrate what I was doing, what my thought process was for these shots, or why I didn't like this backdrop. I was just saying way too much detail. Again, it came from a good place. I wanted them to feel comfortable. I wanted it to feel informative and fun. What I didn't realize is that I wasn't giving them any room to just exist. Not everyone connects through constant conversation. Some people need a moment to settle in and to breathe, to just be with each other without someone talking their ear off.

I had a wedding where this couple was really quiet, like not awkward quiet, just naturally more introverted and reserved. And I went at them with my usual energy, just talking, prompting, filling up the space. And I could feel that that wasn't working. They were kind of responding, but it did feel forced. So I realized this quickly and made the decision in that moment to tone it way down.

And at first it felt weird to me. Like, gosh, it's so quiet, now what? But within a few seconds, they actually softened up and got closer to each other and stopped feeling the need to perform. And everything just changed to be more easygoing, which is always my goal for a couple on their wedding day.

So again, like to reiterate, these are all things that I've had to learn over the years. So this is something for you to be aware of. You're not going to get to this point right away. Like you really need to have these moments where you realize what's happening or what you should be changing. Then eventually you'll get quite good at reading the room.

Alright, the next thing I have stopped doing is shooting to get validation. This one I feel like is somewhat of a sensitive topic because no one wants to admit that it affects them in that way. Like we all exist in the same space. We're all seeing the same content. So that includes the same trends, the same images getting attention. And whether we realize it or not, it starts to influence how we see our own work.

I definitely had a phase where I was very aware of what would perform well. Like I would take a photo and immediately think, is this something that I'm going to post? Is this something that people are going to like? Like, is it epic enough to be on my feed to live on there?

But then when you do that, instead of being fully present and capturing what's actually happening, part of your brain is already thinking about how it will be received.

And I remember delivering a gallery once where there were images that felt so meaningful, not necessarily the most dramatic or visually perfect, but those moments that had real emotion behind them. I think that's when I first realized, this is truly what it's about. And I also realized that I love documentary photography. So you could still have an epic image and it be like a moment frozen in time. It's just discernment that you have to have when you're choosing, when you're culling down your photos.

So it doesn't just have to be about creating work for yourself or for the couple. Your audience will respond to both. One should not outweigh the other. So now I just try to anchor myself back to what actually matters. Does this image feel honest? Does it reflect the day? Does it mean something to the people in it? And your audience will respond to that also.

So I'll leave you with this. I want you to think about one thing, just one. What is something you've been doing that doesn't feel right anymore? Something that you've been holding onto because it feels safe or familiar or expected, but deep down, you know it's not really serving you. What would it look like to start letting go of that? But not all at once, okay? It's just gonna be a small change at first, or a series of small changes, because that is what will really lend itself to real growth over time. would genuinely love to hear your answers. So please feel free to write me on Instagram at The Wedding Frame, Lisette, or on my YouTube channel. really love being able to do this podcast for you It's really, really rewarding. And I'm hoping that I'm making somewhat of a difference in your work as a wedding photographer. So thank you so, so much for listening. I appreciate you all so much.