Why Most People Never Finish Their Memoir (And How to Finally Move Forward)

Maybe you've filled notebooks with memories, written a few chapters, or spent years saying, "I'll get back to it someday."

You're not alone.

In this episode of Making Memoir Magic, Kerry Kriseman explores the real reasons so many memoirs remain unfinished—and why those reasons have very little to do with talent or discipline.

You'll discover:

• Why writing "your whole life story" is keeping you stuck
• The surprising difference between a life story and a memoir
• How fear of judgment can quietly stop your progress
• Why consistency matters more than inspiration
• The power of writing with support instead of struggling alone

Whether you're just beginning or you've been carrying an unfinished manuscript for years, this episode will help you move forward with clarity and confidence.

Resources Mentioned

✨ Take the free quiz: What's Your Memoir Roadblock?

✨ Join the waitlist for the September Make Memoir Magic cohort and be the first to hear when enrollment opens.

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who has a story waiting to be written.

Because your story matters.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Making Memoir Magic. To learn more about my course, Make Memoir Magic, click here. 

Join my free Facebook Group, Memoir Magic for Aspiring Authors, where we honor your story, provide tips, create community, and help you write the story you were meant to tell. Join here!

Transcript

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Welcome to Making Memoir Magic, the podcast where we unlock the power of your story and guide you through the magical process of turning life experiences into memoirs that inspire and impact. I'm your host, Carrie Chrysman, a memoir mentor and storytelling champion. And I'm here to help you find the courage to embrace your unique story and share it with the world. Whether you're just starting out or refining your final draft, this is the place to be for practical tips, inspiration, and the encouragement you need to write the memoir only you can tell. Ready to make some magic? Let's dive in. Welcome to the Making Memoir Magic podcast for anyone who believes their life story is worth preserving. I'm Carrie Kreisman, author of the memoir Accidental First Lady and memoir mentor and storytelling champion. I'm here to help you uncover the stories you've carried for years, organize your memories, and finally write the memoir you've always dreamed of creating. If you've ever said, I really want to write my memoir someday, or have started writing and never seemed to finish, or even I have so many memories, but I don't know where to begin, this episode is for you. Because today we're talking about something I see all the time, and that is the aspiring author who never finishes their memoir. And before you think this episode is going to be a lecture about discipline or productivity, it's not. Most unfinished memoirs aren't sitting in a drawer because someone was lazy. They are unfinished because writing a memoir asks us to do something incredibly vulnerable. It asks us to look back at our lives and make meaning from our experiences and share pieces of ourselves with the world. That is a beautiful thing, but it's also hard. So today I want to talk about the reasons that memoirs remain unfinished. And so the number one reason that people don't finish their memoirs is because they don't know what their memoir is really about. All right, they haven't figured out the heart of their story. They think a memoir is simply a collection of memories. So they start here. They think, I'll write about my childhood, I'll start with my wedding, I'll write everything that happened during those years. And before long, they're drowning in the details because our lives are huge. We've experienced decades of events and important moments and hard things and celebratory things. We have thousands of memories and hundreds of people who have influenced us. So where do we begin? I mean, it is understandable that this would be the number one reason why people don't finish their memoirs. Where do we begin? And the answer is you don't begin with everything. You begin with meaning. A memoir is not your entire life story. It's a story from your life that reveals something bigger. It's about transformation, it's about what changed, what you learned, and it's about what you want your reader to understand when they close the final page. So when I wrote my memoir, Accidental First Lady, I could have written an entire book about 22 years of being married to a politician. There were countless events, meetings, campaigns, and many behind-the-scene moments. But the heart of every story wasn't politics. The heart of the story was identity. It was about stepping into a role that I never expected. It wasn't a recounting of everything that happened during those 22 years. It was about finding my own voice. And the moments that I chose to share in that memoir were about that. If they spoke to that universal lesson of finding your own voice and discovering who you are and how you've changed, then it made the cut. Now, certainly there could have been many more stories. So I picked the ones that I felt spoke to the theme the most and kept the story moving along for the reader. That's important. Because when you write your memoir, you are no longer asking yourself what happened next when you're writing. You're asking, why does it matter? It's almost like your litmus test for does it stay or does it get cut? Why does it matter? And if you can't prove that, then maybe it doesn't need to be in your memoir. There are certain things that do need to be abridged from one chapter to the next, but not everything belongs in there. So another reason that people never finish their memoirs is because they're trying to write it chronologically. Okay, they write from birth until today. And honestly, that can be exhausting. You write chapter one, I was born in, then fill in the blanks. Then chapter two, when I was five. This is starting to sound like an autobiography. And remember, that is not what memoir is. Chapter three. And somewhere around page 37, you think, does everyone really need to know what happened at my seventh birthday party? Maybe they do if it pertains to the overall theme of the book and the story you're trying to tell. Maybe they don't. But the bigger issue is that chronological writing often feels like homework. And memoir is not a history assignment, it's storytelling, connecting, and building your story around moments through scenes and the emotions that you were feeling and expressing in those scenes, and then the turning points that may have been created in that scene right there. There's so much that can be felt and understood and happened within a scene. It's those little details that bring the reader into the room with you. So instead of asking what happened in my life, try asking what moments shaped me, what conversations changed me, what decisions redirected my path, what experiences forced me to grow? Those are the moments that make a compelling memoir. They're the ones that your readers will relate to. Because chances are if you have gone through it or experienced it, your reader likely has as well in some form or fashion, or something similar, or maybe they learn from your experience. So the third reason why people never finish writing their memoir is that they are afraid of what other people will think. And this is probably the biggest reason of all. And it's legitimate, okay. I know that I worried about that from time to time, but at some point your story has to become bigger than your fear. The need and desire that you absolutely have to tell this story becomes bigger than any fear. And before you know it, you can move past that fear. But it is hard. You have fear of judgment. You might have a fear of hurting someone, you might have a fear of someone saying, That's not how I remember it, and challenging you and distracting you away from the story and from your book. Um, maybe you're afraid of being too vulnerable, or maybe sharing your heart with the world and putting your words on the page. That is all understandable. And the worst one that I hear, and I know how it feels because I felt I felt it at certain times, but I had to move through it. But it's that fear and that question that you ask yourself: who am I to tell this story? Like, who would care? Why me? What does it matter? Does anyone care? And I understand this, okay? If you're going through this, I understand this deeply because I've lived it. And any author, but especially memoir writer that you ask, if they are honest, they will tell you that this thought has crossed their mind at least once, but probably more. Um, writing a memoir requires courage because you're not just sharing information, you're sharing yourself. All right, and that is what differentiates memoir from fiction or other genres. Now, that doesn't say that writing anything isn't an act of bravery. I truly believe it. Anyone who endeavors to put what is in their heart and in their mind out onto the page for the world to consume is brave because when you do that, you set yourself up for criticism, rejection. You also set yourself up for celebration and embracing of your story. So maybe let's flip that a little bit, all right? But always remember that I do believe and honor that writing is an act of bravery and memoir ups that ante even more. So when you're feeling that way, I want you to remember your story belongs to you. Your memories are yours, your perspective is yours. Two people can live through the exact same experience and walk away with completely different stories. That doesn't make one person right and it doesn't make the other wrong, it makes them human. Now, that doesn't mean memoir writers don't need to consider other people's privacy and feelings. There's a delicate balance and there are ways to move through that process. Um, I just talked with one of my students about that a few weeks ago. She was struggling with that. And in my course, Make Memoir Magic, there's a lot of supplementary materials that I give the students that support the lessons that I'm teaching. And one of them is uh how to interview guide. So when you're coming up upon that problem, you have guidelines and ways to interview people who are going to be in your memoir, but especially family members, because those are the people we generally tend to care about the most. And sometimes we have to write to get that story out, we have to talk about our family members, we have to include them in our stories. So I am very well aware of that, and I know that there are ways that I teach that help you move through that that respect others' privacy, but also respect their story and their version of the events. So there is a craft to writing honestly and responsibly. But you also can't wait until everyone is comfortable with your story. Again, there goes that balance, all right? The scales of, you know, of memoir justice, if you will. Um, if you do that, you'll never write it. Okay, you'll always find a reason to not write your memoir. So just remember that your story is not meant to please everyone. All right, you must lead from a place of honesty and integrity first, but know that it's not going to sit well with everyone. But most stories don't. You know, that's why there's so many discussions on different books. Book clubs love to discuss why members liked it, why they didn't. You know, that's that's the beauty of reading and receiving something. Everybody takes it in differently. So, you know, don't let those thoughts that somebody's not going to like it or be upset worry you and keep you from writing. Um, your memoir will connect with someone who needs to hear it. So the fourth reason why people don't write their memoir or don't finish it is that they don't have a writing routine. Um, they're they keep waiting for the perfect time to write. They say, I'll work on it when things slow down or after the holidays or when I have the whole weekend free or when the kids are grown. But you know what? Life rarely gives you a beautiful empty space and says, Here you go, here's your uninterrupted writing time. You have to create that space. And sometimes that space looks like only 15 minutes, other days it looks like an hour. Okay, and you just have to know that, but always honor your work and yourself and the time that you give to it. So finishing a memoir is not about writing eight hours every Saturday, it's about consistency. 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30, a few paragraphs, a single scene. All of those small moments add up. So a finished memoir is created one page at a time. All right, you may be looking down the road and envisioning your book, and that is great for future pacing and projection and that imagery that comes with seeing the end product and knowing that you want to attain that goal. But remember, it happens one page at a time. So just keep at it. And there's another reason why aspiring authors never finish their memoirs, and that's because they don't have the support that they need. All right. We can't do this alone, folks. All right. Um, you know, I tried to do that, and and I mostly did, and I got my book written, but throughout the process, I did lean on others. I, you know, consulted published authors who'd already been through it. And before I got too far into my book, I sent them some of my work, and they graciously spent some time looking at it and giving me some feedback. Uh and and that was valuable. And so um, you know, don't don't do this alone. Find a writing group, find a writing buddy. Um, bounce early work off someone that you trust that is not a family member or your spouse or partner. So um just in the bottom line, don't do it alone. All right, writing can be lonely, especially memoir writing, because in memoir, there's moments where you question everything. Is the story good enough? Does anyone care? Am I doing this right? But having guidance, accountability, and community when you're doing this can make all the difference. Every writer needs someone who understands the journey, someone who can say, Yes, this belongs in your story, or no, you don't need that chapter. Yes, keep going, you're doing great. All right, because sometimes the difference between an unfinished manuscript and a finished book is simply having someone to walk beside you. So if you've been dreaming about writing your memoir, here's what I want you to know. Your story does not need to be extraordinary to matter. Your life does not need to be famous to be meaningful. The moments that shaped you, the lessons you learned, the challenges you overcame, the wisdom you gained, these things have value. Someone out there needs your story. Someone will find hope in your words. Someone may finally feel less alone because you were brave enough to write. So don't wait for someday. Start with one memory, one moment, one page. That is how memoirs are written. One story at a time. So thank you, as always, for joining me on this episode of the Making Memoir Magic podcast. If it has you thinking, hey, that's me, that's exactly why I'm stuck. If any of those reasons I mentioned speak to you, I'd love to help you figure out your biggest obstacle. So take my free quiz. I have this quiz super easy, less than two minutes. It's called What's Your Memoir Writing Roadblock? So you'll discover, based on your answers, what is keeping you from making progress. And I'll share practical next steps in your results to help you move forward. And so you'll find the link to take that quiz in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this episode, I'd love you to subscribe to this podcast, leave a review, share it with someone who has a story inside of them. And finally, before we say goodbye today, if you're ready to stop saying I want to write my memoir someday, and finally, begin turning your pages into a manuscript that becomes your memoir. Join the wait list for my next Make My Memoir Magic cohort. You'll find the link in the show notes. So, as always, keep believing in the power of your story to impact others and believe that you are the best person to write your story because your readers are waiting. And I want to know what you are waiting for. So thank you and happy writing. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Making Memoir Magic. I hope today's conversation inspired you to take the next step toward telling your unique story through memoir. Remember, your story matters and someone out there is waiting to read it. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It helps others find the show. You can also connect with me on my website at carryCreisman.com, on Instagram at carry. Until next time, keep writing, keep sharing, and keep making memoir magic.