Honourable Mentions: Hilarious History

Queen Elizabeth and the Mad Messiah

Steve and Neil Webb Season 1 Episode 2

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0:00 | 42:07

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In 1591, a former maltster with a history of drunkeness and brawling walked into Cheapside, in the heart of London, and declared himself the second coming. But William Hacket wasn't just any old madman— he became the spark that nearly set the Elizabethan establishment ablaze.

 Join us as we dismantle the bizarre rise and rapid fall of history’s most audacious "prophet." From rightious preaching to a public execution so bloody that it shocked the city, we’re exploring how one man’s delusion collided with the iron fist of the Virgin Queen.


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SPEAKER_02

Honourable Mentions.

SPEAKER_00

Warning. This episode contains descriptions of torture, capital punishment, and Northampton.

SPEAKER_02

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Honourable Mentions. Well mentions. If you listen to our first episode and you're now tuning in for the second, you really ought to re-evaluate your life choices. We thank you very much. We do appreciate it. And here we are, back again to bring you another extraordinary life that history's kind of just forgotten about. So Honourable Mentions. Yes, yes, thank you, Neil. We had this last time. We have had, after our last uh episode, we've had sackfuls of post asking the same question from our listener. It's for you, Neil. So what they want to know, hello Neil, they've said in the beginning. Hello, Neil. And they ask, Hello, Neil. Have you ever bitten off another man's nose?

SPEAKER_03

No. Straightforward yes or no?

SPEAKER_02

Yes or no question.

SPEAKER_03

But no.

SPEAKER_02

Stop trying to sit on the fence. Yes or no.

SPEAKER_03

No, I had to think about whether I did or not, but no, I haven't.

SPEAKER_02

You haven't? Okay. Well, there is a reason for that question, because today's protagonist has done just that he wants bit off another man's nose. His name was William Hackett.

SPEAKER_03

That's perhaps where they made a job. So it's made a hack of that.

SPEAKER_02

What someone's nose. What you're saying, that's where that word comes from.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I would say so. Or it could be the clothing brand. You know, the ones that put people where like rugby shirts with the collars turned up and should have jumpers over their shoulders. Anyway, let's not go there.

SPEAKER_02

No, let's not go there. Other pretentious makes of tops are available.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Have you ever heard of Oundel, please?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, I have. I believe it's it's either Northamptonshire, I think. And there's a school there, isn't there? Very famous school.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's called Oundle School.

SPEAKER_03

Oh right. Well, that didn't take much imagination, did it?

SPEAKER_02

No, no, they are a poor knight with that one. Yes, Oundal School in Oundal. Do you ever play rugby in Oundel?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, I have, yes, several times, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

And you didn't bite anyone's nose off?

SPEAKER_03

No, I didn't bite anybody's nose off, but we did used to have some quite fierce games, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

This guy, William Hackett, lived in Oundal in the 1550s. Which is about ten to four. No. Ten to four, you'd have finished by then. Anyway, there he was in the fifteen fifties. We don't know a lot about him, but we know he received no formal schooling. So your little observation about Oundor school is is correct but inappropriate. We know he married a lady called Anna Morton, who was the widow of a comfortably well off farmer.

SPEAKER_03

Did he have some money?

SPEAKER_02

Well he did, but then he burnt through it. He burnt through it really quickly with he spent it all on women and drink, even though he was a married man. But with that money, he was able to establish himself as a molster. A monster. A molster, as in like Maltesers, Maltster. So how much do you know, Neil? Hello, Neil, how much do you know about the mid to late 16th century malting industry in Middle England? Please go.

SPEAKER_03

Well, as a matter of fact, Steve and I know quite a fair bit about it. I know how malt is made, for instance. Um I do believe once you've got you've either got grain or barley normally, but they they do a a process called steeping, which is also a post name for what you do to a tea bag, is where you soak it in water. So when you steep a cup of tea, you can also steep the grain so it's soaked in water, um, which then it goes into the process of germination where they allow it to sprout a little green spike or something out of it to start it growing. But then just before that, they dry it, I believe, in a kiln. So it's kilning dried, and that adds flavour to it and gives it a beautiful malt taste, malty sort of taste. And then I'm gonna put it out there, I think that malt is probably used in a lot of beer. How's that?

SPEAKER_02

William was raised a Catholic, but somehow along the line he converted to Protestantism and in true hackett fashion took it a stage further by becoming an all-in-puritan.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

How come you know so much about malting?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, no, I know a bit about everything, me, mate. Not much I don't know. Not much I don't know, really. There you go. I know why they have frosted windows and toilets in the airplanes. I know all sorts of things.

SPEAKER_02

Why do they have frosted windows and toilets on the airplanes?

SPEAKER_03

So you can't see out.

SPEAKER_02

But why don't they have frosted windows and all the other windows in the airplane?

SPEAKER_03

So because they want you to see out. You think about it, if you sat on the toilet, you're normally sat in the toilet and reading the paper, but you they want you in and out, so they don't want you to look out the window because you could be sat there for a long time.

unknown

See?

SPEAKER_02

What if you want to open the window? Anyway, moving on, because I can't believe you knew that. Ruined it everybody now with your molting knowledge.

SPEAKER_04

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, as a Puritan, I am Hackett did not approve of anyone wearing priestly vestments. As you wouldn't, Major. Priestly vestments, you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03

Priestly vestments? No, you wouldn't, no.

SPEAKER_02

Such as a surplus. Do you approve of surpluses? I don't.

SPEAKER_03

Oh well, I mean, if there's a surplus of chocolate, then No, oh, go back to your moulding in your toilet windows.

SPEAKER_02

A loose white robe worn by Protestant preachers as a hangover from Catholic priests. That's what a surplus is. Is it? So on what on one occasion, Hackett drew the anger of his local church and local community by sitting on the parish priest's surplus and hiding it throughout the absolute service throughout the service. Probably because he's an absolute stinker.

SPEAKER_03

That is a bit rude.

SPEAKER_02

Absolute shaw.

SPEAKER_03

That's like bullying, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

It is like bullying. He sat on it, so the old priest I don't know what the priest wore. No, I don't think probably stood on his vest and pants. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They're vests, yeah. They're vests in the 1550s, Stephen. I think it is more of a a pantaloon.

SPEAKER_02

But they would have had vests.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. I don't think so, but I'll have a look. I'll look it up into my vast knowledge, I would have to go back into it and have a look.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

But you carry on the story while I investigate.

SPEAKER_02

Not only was William Ackett an absolute stinker and a rotter, but he believed that he was a better preacher than any church ordained priest. So he began to preach Puritism in his own time. Oh. He's one of them, isn't he?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, he's one of them. I know but thinks he knows best.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And he was illiterate.

SPEAKER_03

Was he?

SPEAKER_02

No, but he was hugely charismatic, naturally funny, and had a prodigious memory, apparently. So he could remember and recite long sermons, often throwing in the odd comedy line here and there.

SPEAKER_03

So he was one of the original comedians then, off the cuff jobs.

SPEAKER_02

He was a real comedian.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. He could have been on Whose Line Is It Anyway, that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_02

If he was doing these unscripted sermons that he was preaching and throwing in a bit of comedy, I'd like I'd like to think he had one of those yellow ostrich costumes with the reins and a little pair of fake legs on top. So it looked like he's riding the ostrich, but in fact he's not. I mean, that's as we all know that that's real comedy, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03

It is absolute comedy.

SPEAKER_02

That's absolute. You don't top that.

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't think it just makes you laugh thinking about it, doesn't it? I'd like to think that's what he was doing. Especially when he pretended that the ostrich was in control of everything and running around everywhere. That was a good thing.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly, and nicking people's hats and things like that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's making me laugh now, just thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02

Probably the priest surplus. You probably have the priest and he's running around with it going, whoa.

SPEAKER_03

He'd probably have to have had a career out of just doing that.

SPEAKER_02

He could have done, but he didn't. He went on. So from there, from his comedy routines and his preaching, another Owndel man. You've heard of Oundel, haven't you?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I have, yes. It's in uh Northamptonshire, I believe. I don't know what that is, actually, it's quite close.

SPEAKER_02

Well, Rutland, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03

Is it?

SPEAKER_02

I think so.

SPEAKER_03

Not sure.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, soon, right? He dis he acquired a disciple called Giles Wiggington.

SPEAKER_03

Giles Wigginton. I know someone called Wiggington.

SPEAKER_02

Was he called Giles?

SPEAKER_03

No, he wasn't, no. He's a pilot now.

SPEAKER_02

So that's a bit pointless then.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, thanks for that. Thanks for that interlude. So yes, they became partners in the moulting trade.

SPEAKER_03

They could have been related.

SPEAKER_02

They weren't related.

SPEAKER_03

No, they were.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I'm asking. See if it's his family tree. His family's from around this area, so I would assume it would have been quite close, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_02

From the Oundle area.

SPEAKER_03

Anyway, I digress.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, you die crest. Is that what you're doing? What colour are you dying it?

SPEAKER_03

Uh purple.

SPEAKER_02

Purple crest.

SPEAKER_03

Nice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Charles Whittington wasn't an illiterate buffoon, even though he went into partnership with William Hackett. He was well educated at Oundor School, as you've previously mentioned.

SPEAKER_03

There you go, see.

SPEAKER_02

And um Trinity College, Cambridge. So not only was he well educated, but he was well connected as well.

SPEAKER_03

He was, wasn't he? I suppose he was there.

SPEAKER_02

So they were moulting together as their little partnership. One of them was the brains, obviously, and the other one was the brawn. But William became more convinced that his calling was to preach God's word. So he jacked in the moulting trade and he set off to travel around the north of England and the Midlands, where he preached, prophesied, and even performed exorcisms.

SPEAKER_03

No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_02

He did. And I bet he didn't have a like a VW camper van and a great dane to eat massive sandwiches.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I bet. Yeah, and his hair in braids and stuff.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but he didn't do anything like that.

SPEAKER_03

No. No. That sort of thing. Cuddled trees and things.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

William about cuddling trees. Anyways, on his way round, right, old William, doing all this preaching, exercising, that sort of stuff, he had let's call it friendly relations, intercourse. I don't know, but I just did. But he had he had this sort of relationships with many, many women.

SPEAKER_03

Tupping.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, he did tupping, whatever you want to call it, yes.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Uh burying his helmet wherever he wanted. But anyway, he later claimed that these had all been deliberately placed in his way to ensnare him by the devil. That's the sort of thing the devil would do.

SPEAKER_03

Let's face it, if you've got a fellow going around going around doing that, the devil's gonna think I'm gonna put all these ladies in front of him, so he's gotta have intercourse with him, he's got to tub them all.

SPEAKER_02

He's got to do the business, isn't he?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

He's got to go through him, isn't he? I'm gonna put these women in his way, and the only way round them is to do the business. So yeah, so he's probably right in that he couldn't avoid it. They were all put there in front of him.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, if the devil's done that, you have to do the devil's work sometimes, don't you?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Although it has to be said, he did seem pretty keen on getting himself ensnared by the devil. He wasn't really putting up a fight.

SPEAKER_03

But was he a married man, did you say?

SPEAKER_02

He was a married man, but he was estranged. Yeah, well, he used the borrowed money and then legged it.

SPEAKER_03

Still has lost my respect, I'm afraid, sorry.

SPEAKER_02

As a happily married man, he's lost he's lost all your respect.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. So biting off someone to know is you were with that.

SPEAKER_03

But now he's depends on the situation of that, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Well, he he was in a pub fight.

SPEAKER_03

Well, there were the pubs back then?

SPEAKER_02

Yes, of course there was pubs as well, taverns and things, yes.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, of course. Because there was forty t forty pounds, wasn't there? Oh, that's a different one. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02

And our first episode, listener, go back and listen to what he's talking about, because God knows. Anyways, young uh William Hackett was chased out of many towns by angry men folk, and he ended up in York. You've been to York. He did. He must have been chased Farold. But we don't know where he was chased from, we just know he was chased from somewhere.

SPEAKER_03

So he's somewhere near York, hopefully, because it'd be odd if it was from Andor. Well, but yeah, if he's they really wouldn't have gone on, didn't they?

SPEAKER_02

If he was in Perrinport in Cornwall or somewhere. That was a that's a bit of a jog, isn't it? But anyway, he was chased out of town, ended up in York, and here he claimed to have been sent by God to prepare the way for the return of the Messiah. So he's taken on a bit of a turn now, isn't he? Not only has he renounced his Catholicism and become a Protestant and then become a Puritan, now he's claiming that he's paving the way for the second coming. Which is a bit ironic considering what he was up to in the first place. But if you want to keep me on the kinky theme, this time in York, he wasn't just chased out by the men folk, he was whipped out of the city. They whipped him. Whipped. I doubt it'd just casually strolled out with someone whipping at his back.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's what it sounds like, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Then he went to Leicester. So he's on his way round, wasn't he? He's doing the.

SPEAKER_03

It was, yeah, it's a long way again, isn't it? There's no there was no other places between York and Leicester back then then, no?

SPEAKER_02

No, no, obviously.

SPEAKER_03

Obviously not.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I mean he wants to go to Sheffield anyway. So yeah, he he was straight down York to Leicester. Guess what happened to him in Leicester?

SPEAKER_03

Uh he had a curry?

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_03

He watched some rugby?

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_03

He invented crisps.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that was close.

SPEAKER_03

Was it? Because it was, you know, because I was assuming because he'd done a lot of walking. That's what I put the thing together. Walker's crisps. Oh, there you go. Other crisps are available.

SPEAKER_02

A very English snack. But yes, Walker's Crisps. But no, no, he didn't do any of those things. What happened to him in Leicester was he was ensnared by the devil, preached that he was looking for the second coming of the Messiah, and was whipped out of town.

SPEAKER_03

Again. Again. You think he'd learn his lesson in York, wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_02

You thought he learned his lesson in York, so this time he said this isn't working for me.

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna have to find something else to talk about.

SPEAKER_02

Well, this time he he did. He went back to Arundel. He went home and thought, well, this this ain't going too well then.

SPEAKER_03

Gathered himself.

SPEAKER_02

I've got a bit of a sore back. So I'm going to rather than winding it in, as you and I would do. I think I would most people probably would do as well. Most people would do this. Here, he expanded his repertoire by preaching against the Queen. What? I know not only did he say I am clearing the way for the second coming, but he started having a pop at Freddie Mercury. I mean, what is the fella doing?

SPEAKER_03

Saying, I mean, and that guy uh yeah, he had his issues, but that guy could sing and he could write music, couldn't he? So why would you have a go at them?

SPEAKER_02

Well, I'd say Bohemian Rhapsody is a seminal piece of uh 1970s rock music, if not possibly the greatest single ever released.

SPEAKER_03

Well, there you go.

SPEAKER_02

And he's having a pop.

SPEAKER_03

It's probably because of his yellow jacket, maybe.

SPEAKER_02

It could be the queen, it could be the queen, Queen Elizabeth I. It could be, actually. I just thought of that. Yeah. But either way, what you're doing. Either way, what you'd be laying at, son. So anyway, so Hackie and his ost his ostrich costume were thrown into jail in Northampton.

SPEAKER_03

Wow, yeah, I could think of worse places. Well, actually no, I can't.

SPEAKER_02

So while he was in Northampton jail, the story goes, some guards who were guarding him, because that's what That's what guards do. Yeah, it's in their job title, isn't it? It's in their job title. So these these guards said they saw a bright light coming from his cell as if he were being visited by an angel.

SPEAKER_03

He's probably reading when they were um putting lights out.

SPEAKER_02

Probably under the bed sheets or something. Yeah. It'll be a r copy of Razzle.

SPEAKER_03

Or it could have been because he's lights all their ladies, didn't he?

SPEAKER_02

Smash hits.

SPEAKER_03

So a bit of a jazz mag or do him a world of good, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Probably. It's either that or he was he's got a Smash Hits under there and he's writing loads of letters to the editor about it.

SPEAKER_03

Or looking, maybe and just reciting some of the lyrics because he's got a good memory.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, he did have a good memory.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well well remembered yourself, uh.

SPEAKER_03

There you see. I could be related.

SPEAKER_02

It could be. On his release by Bond, not James Bond. No, can't they? By Bond, as in someone paid some money. We'd call it Bale. Right. America America still called him Bondsman, don't they, in Bond and things like that. Anyway, he was um yeah. So this is Easter 1591 now.

SPEAKER_03

It could have been this it could have been the the light reflecting off some of the silver wrapping of an Easter egg.

SPEAKER_02

So you're still going back to the light, are you?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Could have been. Do they still have silver wrapping on Easter egg? I suppose they do, don't we? Yeah, I've had an Easter egg for a long time. Listen, if you feel like it's like a lot of it. Oh that must have been what it is, then. Well, Easter 1591.

SPEAKER_03

There you go.

SPEAKER_02

Um and he travelled to London at Wigginson's suggestion, staying in a lodging house outside of Smithfield in London.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, there's a big market there.

SPEAKER_02

Smithfield's market, is there, isn't it? Is that the one that's in Smithfield?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, it is, yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Exact same one. My knowledge.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Exact same one.

SPEAKER_02

Exact same one. So while he was here, Wigginson introduced him to a fella called Edmund Coppinger.

SPEAKER_03

Edmund Coppinger. Right. Edmund Coppinger. Alright, Eddie Boy.

SPEAKER_02

And Eddie Boy, he held a minor post in the royal household.

SPEAKER_03

What's that? Just like a small one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'd imagine it was on some sort of private gate or something, some sort of low wall or something like that. He was holding this post.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So they wouldn't have hammered him in in those days, didn't they? So they had people employed just to hold the posts up. Yeah, that's what he was doing. And Coppinger soon convinced himself and another friend called Henry Arthington, who was a Yorkshire gentleman.

SPEAKER_03

That sounds an orchestra name, isn't it? Arpington.

SPEAKER_02

Henry Arthington.

SPEAKER_03

Arthington. Yeah, it does sounding, didn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Hey, oh, it's Henry Arthington.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I know Henry. Where's Eddie?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That's him. Yeah. Dickit.

SPEAKER_02

They were convinced that Hackett had an extraordinary calling by powers beyond this earth.

SPEAKER_03

You mean like Simon Cowell?

SPEAKER_02

The baby Jesus.

SPEAKER_03

Was he around then?

SPEAKER_02

Who?

SPEAKER_03

The baby Jesus Jesus. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

He would have been.

SPEAKER_03

Well he wouldn't, because he was born f 1500 small years beforehand. So he wouldn't have been a baby, surely.

SPEAKER_02

Really? What's Christmas all about? Anyway. Did he?

SPEAKER_03

Anyway. Yeah, of course he did.

SPEAKER_02

Well he didn't, did he? Because Christmas is December the twenty-fifth, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. About the birth of Jesus.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And then Easter.

SPEAKER_03

He's done baby Jesus at Easter, was he?

SPEAKER_02

Well, it was only about three, four months on.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, toddler. The toddler Jesus. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, Wigginton introduced him to Edmund Coppinger, da da da duh am I in opposed, blah blah blah blah. You with that? Coppinger declared himself Hackett's prophet of mercy, and Arthington said he was his prophet of judgment.

SPEAKER_03

Right. There's only much profit and judgment.

SPEAKER_02

And that William Hackett himself was the second coming of Christ and Massayer. So he's he's he's he's really building up his game, isn't he? So he started off sitting on the priest's whatever it was, cistern, obviously. Make him do the old uh church service and custom pants.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And now when he well, then he started getting whipped out of places for saying he was clearing the way for the second coming.

SPEAKER_03

I really like that. That's all he was.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I think he must have done because now he's saying he is the second coming.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, exactly. I think I made him go be the second coming when he got whipped.

SPEAKER_02

No messing about, mate. I am the second coming.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So anyway, Coppinger, on Thursday, the 18th of July 1591, about size. About 230, just after he'd had some tea. Coppinger wrote, printed, and distributed hundreds of leaflets throughout London promising that something tremendous was about to happen.

SPEAKER_03

Wow. By hundreds, do you mean like more than two hundred? I mean hundreds. Because they wouldn't have got around much because there's millions in London, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

By yeah, by hundreds, I mean hundreds. So, um hundreds. So more than one hundred.

SPEAKER_03

So I'd say it'd be one per household, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_02

Well, there wasn't millions in London then. Oh there's a few hundred about six hundred thousand, something like that.

SPEAKER_03

Unless you stuck 'em up on a pinboard somewhere and it could have done, couldn't he?

SPEAKER_02

Or you know those big those big billboards they have on the side of the motorways.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Something like that. Or you can put it on the side of a tractor or a van on the side of the M25.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's probably what it's like.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, an old old lorry trailer or something.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They get a lot more people up there, wouldn't he?

SPEAKER_02

That's that's what he did. We'll go with that.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So Hackett defaced the Queen's arms. What the Pope? Whether he g I don't know, whether he drew a tattoo on him or or I don't know what he did.

SPEAKER_03

Or is it his local?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. He he p he defaced the Queen's arms and pierced the image of her with a bodkin.

SPEAKER_03

A what?

SPEAKER_02

A bodkin.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Isn't that like a like a sharp penny thing for your hat or something?

SPEAKER_03

That's a bodpin. Bodkin's a moor, isn't it? Cormore.

SPEAKER_02

Bodmin?

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think he'd managed to pierce uh image with bodmin more.

SPEAKER_03

Oh I don't know. I don't know what bodmin, I thought it was a bobby pin.

SPEAKER_02

It would have been a bodkin. These were both treasonable acts.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, it would be.

SPEAKER_02

There would be. And guess what the punishment was for treasonable acts?

SPEAKER_03

Oh. Um a trip back to Northampton and a tour around the city, town.

SPEAKER_02

No, not as bad as that.

SPEAKER_03

Hanging then.

SPEAKER_02

No, it was a horrible death.

SPEAKER_03

Like what? A fate worse than a fate worse than death. Come on to that.

SPEAKER_02

Perhaps stay tuned. Stay tuned. Anyway, we're now on to Friday, 19th of July, 1591. And here we find William Hackett in bed, whilst Coppinger and Arthington, dressed in all black, was standing on a cap proclaiming that he was the king and the messiah to a crowd gathered outside the mermaid tavern in Cheapside. I think the mermaid's tavern, I think, was frequented by William Shakespeare.

SPEAKER_03

Was it? He was in Stratford.

SPEAKER_02

And Marlowe and people upon Avon, though, wouldn't he? Not all the time.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's what it says when you go to Stratford upon Avon.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he had a bus pass. He could get like National Express or something. So he was in London quite often.

SPEAKER_03

That's doing some writing. I suppose that's where his theatre was.

SPEAKER_02

That's where his theatre was, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So, anyways, I'm only I'm only surmising. I think that's true. But anyway, we'll find that out. If anyone wants to find that out and wants to email us, you can let us know. And please email us on our email address, which is honourable mentionspod at gmail.com. So um anyone who wants to um let us know. Let us know and we'll just I don't want to.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, please, because that's really exciting, Steve.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. We'll probably just go.

unknown

Thanks.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, what they were saying while they're on this cart in Cheapside was that Christ had returned to judge the earth and establish the gospel in Europe. They said he they were his prophets, sent by God as witnesses, and repentance would ensure mercy from heaven. Terrible judgment and eternal punishment was promised against those who would not believe and repent.

SPEAKER_03

Ooh. Like what?

SPEAKER_02

Terrible judgment. Probably did have to go to Northampton.

SPEAKER_03

That's a terrible judgment that just walked past him. You stink.

SPEAKER_02

That's a terrible judgment.

SPEAKER_03

It is terrible judgment.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah. But you know, it's cold play.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Something like that, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So that really upset you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Saying things like Bernie Clifton wasn't funny. Things like that. Ostrich.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Yeah. Saying things like, No, well that's not a judgment though, is it? That's a statement, that's an opinion.

SPEAKER_03

I suppose.

SPEAKER_02

So if you went by someone and said, you know, that ostrich, mate, that's just not funny. Yeah. That's an opinion, but you'd still be I think that'd turn the crowd against you.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Because most people would look at that and think, what's he talking about? That's not funny.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So they were told that they would get a terrible judgment and eternal punishment. So probably probably have to go to Northampton for eternity listening to Coldplay.

SPEAKER_03

Or best you'd have to listen to Eternal on on loop, probably.

SPEAKER_02

So many people took their ways at face value and said, Oh, okay, that sounds interesting. Please tell me more. Um but many did not. And then a right old, because they're in London, didn't they, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So geezers, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02

Geysers are right, a right old Barney, bro.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, all those hats on with a bit with sequins on.

SPEAKER_02

Purley Kings and Queens and all that.

SPEAKER_03

That's it, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They all jump up and click on the reels and on the braces.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And then they went marching out, they took him into the blind beggar and give him a right old doing.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, do them over, yeah. Give him a s give him a slap. You get slapped.

SPEAKER_02

So whatever happened anyway, what happened, Coppinger and Artington had to take refuge in the mermaid tavern.

SPEAKER_03

Well, that's I think the worst places.

SPEAKER_02

And the Privy Council heard what was going on and had all three of them meet.

SPEAKER_03

Um is that people looking for the toilets?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, no, I don't think they look after it, that's where they meet. The Privy Council meets in the in the public toilet.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

I think something like that.

SPEAKER_03

And they're called cottaging nowadays.

SPEAKER_02

The cottaging council could have. Yeah, it would have fit better actually.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Should have gone for that.

SPEAKER_03

Well, is that the yeah, because he could have told us, couldn't he?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. The Privy Council heard what was going on. They had all three of them nicked and imprisoned in Bridewell Palace. They're doing alright actually, aren't they?

SPEAKER_03

They're doing alright. They're doing alright.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And then they get put in a palace. Put in a palace. Well, I don't know that. But that's a very good observation because as we know, in those days, you had to pay for your food and accommodation if you were thrown in jail. Yes. So that's a very good observation. Anyway, we're now on to Friday, the twenty-sixth of July 1591. And nearly his, isn't it? But on this occasion, William William Hackett, who we're talking about, that William. If it was another William, it'd be a bit pointless, but it's on the same word.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, like Shatner or something.

SPEAKER_02

You've done what?

SPEAKER_03

Like William Shatner.

SPEAKER_02

Oh sorry, yes, I thought you needed to take a break.

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_02

William appeared in court and pleaded guilty to a charge of declaring that Queen Elizabeth was not Queen of England. What? But he pled not guilty to a second charge that he had defaced the Queen's picture, although we know that he did stab it with a bodkin. So he was turning a bit of a fib there.

SPEAKER_03

He was, wasn't he? He was a bit of a fibber. But he was, wasn't he? Because he's told his Mrs. he's gone off someone and he was um taking his way through all those ladies.

SPEAKER_02

Well does that make him make him a bit of a fibber? Bit of a bit of a rogue rotter. Yes. But uh the his uh behaviour in this trial um excuse me, in this trial that we're talking about suggests that he was not of sound mind, and the court labelled him a witch, visionary, and an idiot. A raving lunatic.

SPEAKER_03

Vegetarian.

SPEAKER_02

No, a raving lunatic.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. A vegan.

SPEAKER_02

Same thing.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

So Sunday, the twenty-eighth of July, fifteen ninety-one, now.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So this is getting close to your birthday, isn't it? It's very close, yeah. It's the twenty-ninth of July, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, thank you, Stephen.

SPEAKER_02

Just putting that out there for the listener.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, if anyone wants to send me a card and on that day it'd be perfect. Snydts would be accepted.

SPEAKER_02

So you probably like this the gift that um William Hackett received on Sunday, the twenty-eighth of July.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, what's it, please?

SPEAKER_02

Well, he was dragged naked, full body, along the ground behind a horse. Well, I'd imagine Game of Thrones probably nicked it off off this kind of thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So naked though, please.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it would hurt more, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_03

I suppose if he was excited.

SPEAKER_02

Strips him of his dignity.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

If you're being face down, dragged along behind a horse, you're not going to get that excited. Well, it depends how kinky you are.

SPEAKER_03

So he'd like to get whipped, doesn't it? Yeah, perhaps being dragged through some horse poo might do just top it off for him.

SPEAKER_02

Well, that's true. He's dragged along the road, naked, face down through all shite. Then um yes. Anyway, that's not what happened because the horse was on its way to a gibbet in cheap side.

SPEAKER_03

That's what they'd get inside Turkeys. Gibblets. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02

Or Istanbul. Did you say Turkeys or Turkey?

SPEAKER_03

Turkeys. Christmas. Turkeys. You get in gibblets, gibbbs.

SPEAKER_02

That is that is gibblets. Istanbul was inside Turkey, which is another thing. Or the other.

SPEAKER_03

So it's not Constantinople back then, Stephen.

SPEAKER_02

Istanbul, not it would have been Con well done.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02

So anyway, there he was, right? He's being dragged full body, naked, across the round, on his way to this gibbet. The horse, of course, although it was on its way to its gibbet, the horse was innocent. I need to point that out now.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Just in his job. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

The horse was just taking him to the gibbet.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And uh anyway, right, Neil, besides that, the famous Burley House horse trials didn't take place for another four hundred years because he was innocent in the horse trials.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, Hackett was a bit of a, as we as already seen, he's a bit of a nuts. So all the way there he raged and writhed and screamed blasphemies against God and the Queen. But he wasn't really gonna enjoy himself, was he? Well no, but at this point I think he'd realised that that his game was up, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

He he was he was for it at this stage. Once he was there, he was forced up onto the gantry, his skin torn, bleeding and bruised all over he was. He had a few broken bones, that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'd hate to think the state of his John Thomas.

SPEAKER_03

That would have been shreds, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

It would have been shreds. In shreds. But he took a dramatic look over the large crowd and it was.

SPEAKER_03

A bit like you see a lot of people on that start of like homing away or something when they do that bit when they look sideways on their look straight forward. Slow motion, that sort of thing. Is that a dramatic look?

SPEAKER_02

I w I've got it more sort of Clint Eastwood, that squinty look.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. But slow motion, looking around.

SPEAKER_02

Kind of, could have been.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

These are his last recorded words. Wow.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

You know those really big reel to reel tapes?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It would have had a horse on either side.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

On a treadmill.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Horses would have round the tape round as it went round.

SPEAKER_04

Oh cool.

SPEAKER_02

And then they'd have had like a hamster actually writing what was said on the tape.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's the way it worked.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Very clever animals back then.

SPEAKER_02

They did. Yeah, they did. We've lost uh we've lost our own.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's lost art.

SPEAKER_02

These were his last words, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Did they put that down?

SPEAKER_02

Um no, that's me doing my act to thee.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, some mmm in heaven, he said.

SPEAKER_02

Mighty Jehovah, send some miracle out of the cloud to convert these infidels and deliver me from these mine enemies. If not, I will fire the heavens and tear thee from thy throne with my own hands. Wow.

SPEAKER_03

Not his bare hands.

SPEAKER_02

His own hands.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Probably right about some gloves on, but he didn't mention that whether he was wearing any appendages. So um yeah, so we take it it would have been his bare hands.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Fairy ones.

SPEAKER_02

Don't know what you meant by all that. He said it. He went and said it and it was out there. You couldn't get it back now.

SPEAKER_03

That's sadly. Once you said it, it's gone, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

It's gone, it's out there, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and especially with the horses have been recording it.

SPEAKER_02

And the and the hamster and his yeah. But if you can imagine then, right? 99.9% of the population were religious. Deeply, not just religious, but deeply religious as people. Imagine someone just standing there shouting that over the top of them. That'd be quite shocking.

SPEAKER_03

It would be quite shocking. It'd be like sort of stood in Old Trafford with a Liverpool shirt on in the centre of the pitch with the full crowd saying, Man, you're a shit, or poo. I might say oh no I say poo. That sort of thing, wouldn't it? A lot of people go, dare you! That sort of thing. That sort of reaction. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Or if you can remember when Taylor Swift got a was it a Grammy award, and Kanye West ran on stage and took it off her and said that Beyonce should have got it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'd imagine it was that level of shock and outrage.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, absolutely. A bit like when Cadbridge stopped doing the coconut boost.

SPEAKER_02

They did what?

SPEAKER_03

They used to do a coconut boost as well, there's the biscuit ones.

SPEAKER_02

Did they?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, they're the best ones ever, but they stopped doing them. So there was a massive outrage. Well, it was for me.

SPEAKER_02

Letters I wrote to them.

SPEAKER_03

Ridiculous. They still left it out. Well hopefully they'll listen to this podcast and think to themselves, well, actually, yeah, we'll bring them back.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, we'll leave that there. God was upstairs when he and he's listening on all this and he's thinking, come on, man.

SPEAKER_03

Come on. Come on again.

SPEAKER_02

Come on, then.

SPEAKER_03

Come on, come on.

SPEAKER_02

Because what happened then, right? A noose was slipped around the neck of William Hackett.

SPEAKER_04

Right.

SPEAKER_02

And he was resisting all the way he was, but the ladder was kicked from under him. And he was he was then writhing and fighting against the inevitable, and his eyes started bulging, and he turned blue and his tongue went limp.

SPEAKER_03

And then he bit his own nose off.

SPEAKER_02

No, he was cut down. And he fell all the way to the floor, smashed to the ground in a weakened bundle of ripped flesh.

SPEAKER_03

Well, who cut him down?

SPEAKER_02

The executioner arrays.

SPEAKER_03

Why?

SPEAKER_02

Because it wasn't good enough for him, was it? They weren't just they weren't just gonna hang him.

SPEAKER_03

They wanted him to suffer.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it wasn't good enough for him. They couldn't get to Northampton in time, so they had to think of something even worse.

SPEAKER_03

Perhaps they could sprinkle salt on him when he was on the floor rather than cut.

SPEAKER_02

They did worse than that. So while he lay prostate and gasping on the ground, no, the executioner came up to him and sliced off his genitals.

SPEAKER_03

There wasn't pretty much much left of them.

SPEAKER_02

Well, there are pretty, I'd imagine they're pretty well grated.

SPEAKER_03

I would have to say, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like you'd taken to him with that very sort of.

SPEAKER_03

I think his left his leftist test is on the street somewhere down the road.

SPEAKER_02

You'd probably find that's correct.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. But you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

You know the cheese grater. Yeah. They've got that one side that's got the really fine little holes in it. It looked like that. But anyway, they were sliced off, mate. Held up in front of his eyes so he could see them, and then they were tossed into a fire.

SPEAKER_03

Nice.

SPEAKER_02

And then just in case that didn't get him, they sliced his stomach open, pulled out his entrails, and did the same with that. Tossed it into the fire. Wow. There's probably a bloke with an octolog stand saying, Come on.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I've got fifty I've got fifty sausages here. I've got my onions here and everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Come on. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03

Play at the games and I would imagine there'd be quite a few people doing a bit of a von bomb.

SPEAKER_02

They'd used to it, I suppose. I don't know, but then they've gone along because you may have already worked out that what was happening to William Hackett here, he was drawn along behind a horse to the place of execution. Then he was hung.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Then he was drawn again, insides were drawn out of him. So what do you think happened next?

SPEAKER_03

Don't know, perhaps they filled him with water or something? Did they use him as a plant pot?

SPEAKER_02

No. They cut him into four equal pieces. In other words, quartered.

SPEAKER_03

Is that what that saying comes from?

SPEAKER_02

That's the sound of that landing in in in Deal's brain. Yes, hung drawn and quartered he was.

SPEAKER_03

But he wasn't though, would he? He was drawn, hung, drawn and quartered.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's not as catchy, is it?

SPEAKER_03

Well no, but that's they're just sort of abbreviated probably because that's Well yeah.

SPEAKER_02

We don't know for sure.

SPEAKER_03

They didn't follow the process, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Well, we don't know for sure whether the drawn relates because not everyone would have had their insides pulled out from in the middle.

SPEAKER_03

Well unless that means someone stood there with a pen and pencil on the side of it.

SPEAKER_02

And drew him. Yeah. It could have been.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Didn't think about that, didn't you, did you? Perhaps they wanted to draw him in his his state when he's been hung. I think, well, quick, we'll get a quick sketch of him. That's probably that's perhaps all the people in the crowd were there all right easels and a pen and pencil and had to do the competition, probably.

SPEAKER_02

So there he was, right? There's God was sitting there with his feet on his desk lighting up a big cigar, and they cut old William Hackett into four pieces.

SPEAKER_04

Right.

SPEAKER_02

So his head was chopped off, so that didn't count. That was that was put on a spike somewhere in London, but then his torso was cut in half, one half goes to one end of London, one half goes to another end, same with his legs, etc. So these were kept on the public display for anyone who wanted to go along and have a look.

SPEAKER_03

Can have a look and then Yeah, but you want to go and see the top half or something, you wouldn't want to go and see a leg, would you?

SPEAKER_02

Whatever. The the thing is, it's the lesson, isn't it? It's the lesson.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I know, but if you're going to take the kids out for the day or something, you'd just think to yourself, well, we're going to have a look at his head, shall we? Because you wouldn't want to think, well, there's his nipple and left arm or there's his leg.

SPEAKER_02

You don't know. It depends what you're taking the kids out for. If you're taking the kids along and say, listen, children, you do This is the life lesson to you. Do not diss your monarch.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Don't put bobby pins in her arms.

SPEAKER_02

Don't come at her. Because if you do, if you come at her, this is where you're ending up.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah.

SPEAKER_03

No down at school.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, or Freddie Mercury.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So this is what happens. So old William Hackett, by this time. He was hacked up, I think, by this time. He he w he was dead.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

There's nothing to say that.

SPEAKER_03

No. I would imagine so, but then again, if he's possessed, you never know.

SPEAKER_02

You never know. But anyway, he died. There's no record to say whether he got up there and give God a good slap, like he said he would.

SPEAKER_03

Well, yeah, but you know, because I mean, in like in Indiana Jones, when that guy retrieves that heart from that bloke and he was still alive. You know, they've cooked his entrails and stuff like that, but he could still be alive.

SPEAKER_02

Either way, this was 1591, wasn't it? So I think he'd be pretty he'd be getting on a bit now. So, yeah, I'm gonna take it that he that he passed on.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

But either way, right it'd shaken the Protestant establishment so thoroughly it was nearly forty years before the Puritans were able to begin to show their faces again. And that all ended up. How did that all end?

SPEAKER_03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Oliver Cromwell.

SPEAKER_03

Wow. Was he the one to ask for more?

SPEAKER_02

No. No, you're thinking of Oliver Twist.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Oliver Cromwell, um I suppose he did ask for more because he was.

SPEAKER_03

Did he have a cast didn't he have a castle in Croland? Oliver Cromwell, is that something to do with him in Crownland?

SPEAKER_02

He was in charge of the parliamentarian army, which were the roundheads, which would have laid siege to the not cavaliers. Cavaliers he was a lot more cautious.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Yeah, kept himself tidy and clean. Yeah, well leave it. He was a roundhead.

SPEAKER_02

Anyways, Ryan.

SPEAKER_03

Don't try and maybe jump.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, right, Edmund Coppinger. Do you remember us talking about Eddie Boyd? He was the one who used to hold up posts in the uh royal household. He's not because he starved to death in jail.

SPEAKER_03

That's perhaps because he didn't eat when he was holding the post up.

SPEAKER_02

But Henry Arthington, our Yorkshire friend, he says that he'd been the victim of witchcraft and renounced Hackett and all his puritanical beliefs, but he did spend the rest of his natural life in prison. Which serves him right, I think.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. I do as well, because he jumped on the bandwagon, didn't he?

SPEAKER_02

He did jump on that bandwagon.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Then he jumped off it again. But he wasn't allowed to jump off it too far. So that concludes our story of William Hackett, the Messiah, and his little treacherous interludes against good Queen Bess.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. But why does he deserve an honourable mention, can I ask, please?

SPEAKER_02

Because of what he did. Because he was a naughty boy. Because he tried to claim that he was the second coming and he wanted to throw good Queen Elizabeth off the throne. And imagine if he did. Just imagine it if you can.

SPEAKER_03

Just imagine it. We'd have had to have a a day like we had for Guy Fawkes.

SPEAKER_02

We'd have had to have a William Hackett day, perhaps. That wouldn't have been a Guy Fawkes day. Because that wouldn't have happened, would it? No, it probably would have done. Might have done because he was a pro he was a Puritan.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah. And that was a Catholic trying to get rid of James I who succeeded Elizabeth the First.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

But we wouldn't have ended up with our current royal family.

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_02

Then we can't be having that.

SPEAKER_03

No, that means.

SPEAKER_02

No, true. Or true Englishman could be seeing that. No. Well Peter this one out. And thank you for listening to us, dear listener. We will be back again at some other time with Honourable Mention. And um yes, thank you for joining us yet again.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you ever so much. Thank you. Thank you. I mean that thank you. Bye. Bye, thank you.

SPEAKER_02

You say bye now. You say bye.

SPEAKER_03

You hang up.

SPEAKER_02

No, you hang up.

SPEAKER_03

You hang up.

SPEAKER_02

Bye.

SPEAKER_03

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_01

Hello. My name is Peter. How are you? I'm here to say that everything you just heard about William Hackett was true, apart from me. I played the role of the hot dog salesman, and those losers just made me up. Now they expect me to read the following statement like I haven't just wasted my lunch. I mean those torches, am I right? They want me to thank you for listening to Honorable Mentions. Frankly, if you made it to the end of that episode without your head in a bucket for one stone cold dude, but those losers do appreciate it. They need all the attention they can get. Please remember to like, subscribe, share, and leave a five-star review if that's the only way they'll get it. And you can even follow them on social media and email at honorable mentionscod at gmail.com. I suggest asking for more hot dog salesmen in their stories. Honorable Mentions is researched by Stephen Webb and is an Uncover Brothers production. Like that means anything. And the theme is written and performed by Pepe and the bandits. No, I haven't either, but it says here that you can listen to them wherever you stream your music. Well, that's me. Please come back next week. I've heard they're going to be talking about a woman. That should be interesting. I don't know whether that breaks their restraining orders or not. We will see. And remember, more rules for hot dog salesmen. Roles. For hot dogs. Get it? Never mind.