A Wing and a Prayer: The Flight of Elmer of Malmesbury

In 1010 AD, a Benedictine monk strapped wings to his hands and feet and leaped from the tower of Malmesbury Abbey. He didn’t just make history; he broke both his legs and became a legend.

​Join us as we peel back the historical layers of Malmesbury Abbey, one of England’s most storied—and occasionally violent—religious sites. From its founding in the 7th century to the daring flight of Elmer (or Eilmer) the Flying Monk, we explore a timeline filled with murderous raids, savage tigers, architectural wonders, and even the first King of England.
​
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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:07

High above the River Avon as she scivers slowly through the Wiltshire Green, atop the Cotswold Hills in England's southwest, stands an ancient prayer carved in honey-coloured stone, a defiant fragment of the bygone age, built with pride by long-forgotten hands. Once a cathedral-sized marvel that rivaled the greats of Europe. Now its walls end abruptly, like a half-finished sentence. The stones hold their breath, dreaming of the day the wind will catch them so they can soar upward once again. This is a revered place, a holy place. The jagged edges of the central tower, lost to a storm five centuries ago, reach upward like a broken crown, a reminder that even the most solid devotion can be demolished beneath the crushing weight of time. It's the last resting place of England's first king, and if you linger long enough, the ghosts of abbots, monks, and barmaids, for whom the line between holy devotion and sheer madness was paper thin or lurk at your shoulder, whispering of maulings, murder and debauchery, and of a remarkable pioneer from a thousand years ago. It is a fragment, a remnant of antiquity, a testament to the beauty of the incomplete that remains more powerful than any finished whole. Welcome to Marmsbury Abbey, and the tale of a man who dreamt of more and risked everything to follow his truth.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

I'm Steve, he's Neil, and this is Honourable Menchant Honourable Mention.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Hello, listener. How are you? Hope you enjoyed that little intro. We're on our travels again today we've gone to Malmsbury, in Wiltshire down there in the south west of Old England town. I'm just gonna open my suitcase to see whether I've managed to keep him alive in there while I've been a travelling. Hello, Neil.

SPEAKER_04 2:22

Good day, Stephen. How are you? I'm okay, thank you very much. Been a bit stuffed in the suitcase, but I'm all right now, thank you. I can stretch.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Do you think on the train on the way home I should put some air holes in?

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Um it would have been nice, but I'm a survivalist.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

You're a survivalist, are you? When I was talking to our mum about it, she said that Neil Ah thinking though, what she said was Neil would need some air holes. I thought you said Neil is an asshole, you see. Do you see where the confusion is?

SPEAKER_04 2:54

No.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Oh. Anyway, have you ever been to Marmesbury before today, Neil?

SPEAKER_04 3:00

I don't think I want to talk to you, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Don't you?

SPEAKER_04 3:02

No. I think I will though, for the for the sake of celebrity, but um do you need a moment? Malmsbury. Never heard of it.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Malmsbury in Wiltshire.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

Wiltshire, no. I've never heard of it, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

You never heard of Wiltshire?

SPEAKER_04 3:17

I've heard of Wiltshire, yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

You've never heard of Marmesbury though?

SPEAKER_04 3:20

No.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

It's it's an historic market town in North Wiltshire.

SPEAKER_04 3:23

I've heard of Salisbury.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Oh well done.

SPEAKER_04 3:26

That's that area, isn't it? It's around that way.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Yeah, kind of, I suppose. Bath, Swindon. That sort of area, isn't it? Cotswolds. It's even old. I just keep shouting out um English geographical features and and places. Marmesbury is an historic market town in North Wiltshire.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Is it?

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Often affectionately called the Queen of Hilltop Towns.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Really?

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Apparently it's renowned for someone very attractive who lives there called Norman Architecture. Do you know Norman?

SPEAKER_04 4:01

No, I'm not I'm just used to people saying that about m our area because I live here.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

Do they?

SPEAKER_04 4:07

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

You're not Neil Architecture, are you?

SPEAKER_04 4:11

How do you know?

SPEAKER_02 4:11

You haven't changed the same. Neil Architecture's a good name.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

It's also England's oldest borough. Chartered around eight eighty AD by Alfred the Great.

SPEAKER_04 4:25

Was he great?

SPEAKER_02 4:26

He was the man who invented those things you rub cheese against to make smaller bits of cheese.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Was he?

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Yeah. Oh right. Of course, it is home to the ancient remains of the historic Malmesbury Abbey. As a listener will now know, having listened to Abbey'd full of intro.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Marmesbury Abbey is a twelfth century Benedictine monastery that was once a thriving centre of learning for theology and natural philosophy.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

No.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

You're thinking of Brandy.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

Oh I'm thinking of anything for cough.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

How far away do you live from me?

SPEAKER_04 5:05

About four miles.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

About four, four to five miles? Yeah. So if I was to cough now, that would be a far cough, wouldn't it? Yeah. Be bear that in mind. Marlesbury Abbey was abandoned in the sixteenth century after Henry VIII. Do you know Henry VIII?

SPEAKER_04 5:26

I know Henry the Eighth. I've heard of him. I don't know Henry VIII. Is he a superhero or some sort?

SPEAKER_02 5:31

No, that was his surname, Henry VIII.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

Was it?

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Yeah, he was the king.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Oh. Didn't you know nothing? No. Henry VIII.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Marlesbury Abbey was abandoned in the sixteenth century after the dissolution of the monasteries. That's when Henry eight said we don't want monasteries anymore because I'm disillusioned. I'm marrying Amberlynn and you can shove that up, you what's it? He said. But today, amongst the elegant ruins, its nave survives as a functioning Paris church. You'd be pleased to know.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

I'm pleased to know that, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

To enter is to pass through a celestial tunnel. Its Romanesque arches are carved with intricate precision and depicting biblical sagas that have survived the bite of wind and reformation.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

Now that is an attractive tunnel.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

That is an attractive tunnel. Don't see mine.

SPEAKER_04 6:26

No, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

This should be fun, listener. You're listening. New York.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

What do you know about Romanesque architecture, please?

SPEAKER_04 6:38

Emerging around the tenth century and peaking into the eleventh and twelfth centuries, Romanesque architecture was truly a pan European sort style since the fall of the Roman Empire. Easily identified by its heavy, grounded feel. In stark contrast, of course, to the airy, vertical gothic style that followed.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Yeah, well everybody knows that. It's easy.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

You look silly and helpy and all big head about it. Everyone knows that now.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Just saying. What about King Athelstan? I like them.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

What do you know about him, Captain Ooh, look at me, Smarty Pants? What do you know about Kingdom? Athelstan.

SPEAKER_04 7:21

Oh those at Athelstan.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

King Athelstan, born in eight ninety-four.

SPEAKER_04 7:28

Yes, I know that, yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

What else do you know?

SPEAKER_04 7:32

He was the first King of England.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

Well you done swallowed the whole of the internet in one morning.

SPEAKER_04 7:39

How do you know I didn't invent the internet?

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Because Tim Burners Lee did.

SPEAKER_04 7:44

Well, how do you know I didn't tell him about it?

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Oh, that's true. And he just didn't steal it.

SPEAKER_04 7:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

Oh. There you go.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Neil?

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Did you invent the internet?

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Oh, how about that listener? That's an exclusive. Neil invented the internet listener. How exciting.

SPEAKER_04 8:01

There's lots of things I've invented that passed on to other people.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Like what? What else? This is exciting now. Fire?

SPEAKER_04 8:08

No, I didn't invent that. That was just a natural phenomenon.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

I meant behind your head there.

SPEAKER_04 8:13

Oh, is it? Oh. Thank you. I thought it was a bit warm. I thought the sun was out.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

No, you've doused that, alright, have you?

SPEAKER_04 8:20

Curtains, I invented curtains.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

You invented curtains, anyway, enough of this gay banter.

SPEAKER_04 8:25

There you go.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

What else do you know about Athelstan, please, Neil?

SPEAKER_04 8:29

Um he was the first King of England.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Yeah, I've just we said that. He was the first king of England from 927 to 939. Just a bit after breakfast.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Yeah. About ten minutes.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

He was the grandson of Alfred the Great.

SPEAKER_04 8:47

I've heard of him.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

Son of King Edward the Elder and cousin of Burger, King of the Ground Beef Patties.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Yeah. There you go, that's who he was. Big Mac. Oh, the burgers are available.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

King of the ground beef patties.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

He was the king of the ground beef patties.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Don't oh I'm trying to get us a free burger here. Burger, king of the ground beef patties. Married Wendy.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Right, we'll move on. On the July 12th, 927, he conquered the Viking Kingdom of York, becoming the first king to rule over all of what is now England. He also solidified control over Cornwall.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

And exacted tribute from Welsh princes. And he defeated an alliance of Scots, Vikings, and Strathclyde Britons to secure England's borders.

SPEAKER_04 9:51

So he had a good old fight then, didn't he?

SPEAKER_02 9:54

That boy was ready at the Rumble, weren't he?

SPEAKER_04 9:55

Yeah, he was. He was on every board again, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Yeah, he was born ready at the Rumble, that boy. Anyway, he died. And he's buried at Marlsbury Abbey, where they're still waiting to see if he gets any better.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

So he's still there. Another one, right, Neil? Another one. Another one. Be Or Twald. I think that's how you say it. But he died in 1053, so we don't care what's he gonna do, he's gonna sue us, is he?

unknown 10:20

No.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

He was Beotwald.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Be or twald. Be or twald. He was abbot he was the abbot of Malmsbury.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

A quiet, thoughtful, pious, and devout young man who collapsed and died during one of the drunken orgies he regularly attended in the town.

SPEAKER_04 10:41

Filthy pig.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

His death was so notorious that the monks supposedly tried to bury him in the abbey's cemetery. Evil spirits caused such a disturbance that they eventually had to dig him back up and chuck his body into a boggy marsh so he could find peace.

SPEAKER_04 10:57

Well, so the can get the lid on, could they, if he was on the all these phyology?

SPEAKER_02 11:01

I say that with wiggly inverted comma figures. Find peace. But yeah, they're right, they're probably gonna get the lid down. Yeah. I reckon he was just unconscious after a proper weekend bender, and they were all like, No, you're dead, get back in your hole. No, I'm not, no, I'm not and then bang, back on the head with a shovel and off the ball.

SPEAKER_04 11:19

Yeah, chuck him in some marshes, get rid of it.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Yeah, some of that, mate. That'll sort of leave his house sticking out so we can continue to have some fun. That brings us to the massacre of eleven fifty-three.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Ooh. The massacre.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

During the anarchy, a nineteen year civil war between King Stephen, great name, lovely name, like that name, and Empress Matilda.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

Which is actually your little name, isn't it?

SPEAKER_03 11:48

Yeah, it's a good film as well.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

What? Oh Matilda. Yeah. Forces loyal to Matilda's son, Henry Plantagenet.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

Nice. I like that name.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

What Plantagenet?

SPEAKER_04 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

You know the England football kit? The Three Lions.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

That was the Plantagenet. That's from that where that comes from, the Plantagenets. Anyway, Henry Plantagenet was the future King Henry the Second. His army stormed Marmsborough seeking safety, the locals all fled into the abbey to claim sanctuary. But Henry's soldiers ignored the longstanding right, kicked down the doors of the church, and hacked to death every one of the men, women and children trapped inside.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

Every single one of them?

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Every single one of them.

SPEAKER_04 12:39

Children as well?

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:41

Don't like him.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

Oh but over the years only Bonnie Blue's had a backdoor smashed in more times than that Abbey.

SPEAKER_04 12:47

I suppose she has, yeah. Quite easily.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Anyway, I die Cress.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

Go on. What colour this time?

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Uh oh what colour Cress? Um ginger.

SPEAKER_04 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Ginger Cress.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

We're careful in the sun.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Ed Sheeran's a massive fan of Cress.

SPEAKER_04 13:03

Is he?

SPEAKER_02 13:04

His his rider is Crest Sandwiches with extra crest and the side of Cress. So I've grown something called I'm a Cress.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

In tribute to his single I'm a Mess. Which sounds like every other Ed Sheeran single.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Yeah, it does, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:19

We'll see if we can get him on the podcast, should we?

SPEAKER_04 13:21

Yes, do it.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

Yeah, now we've mentioned him.

SPEAKER_04 13:24

Yeah. And he's gonna probably need a plug at the moment, doesn't he? Yeah. And some ginger biscuits. Hello, Dill. And a darkened room. Hello. Hello, Dill. Hello, Neil! How are you?

SPEAKER_02 13:40

You stop your little fantasies about Ed Shearin?

SPEAKER_04 13:43

I don't have fantasies about Ed Shearin, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

We're just going about darkened rooms and lying down with it.

SPEAKER_04 13:48

Well 'cause it's ginger. Gotta be careful in the light, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 13:51

John of Tinta. What do you know about John of Tinta, please, Neil? John of Tinta? John of Tinta.

SPEAKER_04 13:57

Didn't he sort of start to uh do some social media thing?

SPEAKER_02 14:02

No, that's John of Tinder.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

John of Tinter was a fourteenth century Marmesbury abbot and a gangster monk.

SPEAKER_04 14:11

A gangster monk, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Responsible for the murders of four people during his time in power.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

Not much of a gangster.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Before eventually dying of the Black Death in thirteen forty-nine.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Can we call it that? Is that not racist?

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Yeah, right write that down. Dear historians.

SPEAKER_04 14:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Please call it the plague, because I'm offended.

SPEAKER_04 14:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

All that new brings us to Hannah Twinoy, or Twinoy.

SPEAKER_04 14:45

Hannah Twinoy.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Who in 1703 so just before tea time was a thirty-three year old barmaid working in a pub called the White Lion in Marmsbury.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

Was she a boxen barmaid?

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Well, she wasn't after this.

SPEAKER_04 15:05

Uh why the chopper boobs off.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

In October of that year, so we talk in 1703.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

A travelling menagerie arrived to set up in the pub's large rear yard. You know what a menagerie is?

SPEAKER_04 15:22

No.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

A menagerie, Neil, is a what we today we would call it a zoo, a zoological garden.

SPEAKER_04 15:30

Some animals.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

So some animals travelling around with in cages to show people some animals in a rear. In a in a real yard. She wasn't it wasn't her pub, she was merely an employee. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 15:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

Among the exotic animals of people to come and gaub at was a tiger.

SPEAKER_04 15:51

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Which Hannah was warned against upsetting by the tiger's keeper.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

Yeah, to come to teed.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

That's what happened, yeah. It came round for tea.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

But she liked bothering the fearsome big cat until one day it got tired of her disrespect and throwing shade upon its person and broke free of its cage and mauled her to death. Well, she was told You can still see her gravestone in Moundsbury Abbey Churchyard and read her epitaph.

SPEAKER_04 16:18

What's her epitaph say, please?

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Her epitaph near says get yourself in. In bloom of life she snatched from hence she had not room to make defence. A tiger fierce took life away, and here she lies in a bed. That was a shot. Was it? I thought that was excellent. That was uh Shakespearean. That's my Shakespearean, actually.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

They had to put a poem on it though to make her sound a bit better. This basically said it's her fault. She rolled the tiger and it got out and chewed a bit.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Anyway, hello Neil. Hello, Chris And now It's time for today's feature presentation on Honourable Mentions. For we are not here simply to recant a list of history's heroes and nurdu wells connected with Marlesbury Abbey. Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 17:16

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

We are here to introduce you to Can I get a drum roll, please? Elmer the Flying Monk. Elmer is recorded as having seen Honey's Comet in nine eight nine. Nine eighty nine was an actual year.

SPEAKER_04 17:36

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Before he got into your thousands.

SPEAKER_04 17:40

Yeah. But there were no binoculars back then, I would assume, so he must have seen it with his bare eyes.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

His naked eyes. He'd have seen it with his naked eyes streaking across the sky.

SPEAKER_04 17:49

And he'd have said, well, that's Haley's Comet, so I read that in the news. How did he know it was called? How did he know it was Haley's Comet? Because no one's sort of there Internet of it.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Because we know how often Halley's Comet comes around, and we know that there is recordings of people seeing such a thing, and so we could work it all back using natural philosopher or science as we call it today.

SPEAKER_04 18:12

But he didn't say all of us Halle's Comet, did he?

SPEAKER_02 18:15

No, no, no, no, no, no, because Halley wasn't born the man who actually said, Ah, there's a comet, and I'm going to give it my name.

SPEAKER_04 18:22

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

So in 989 when you're somewhere between the ages of five and ten, he saw Halley's Comet. And this is important, Neil.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Because it means that by the year ten, till we do it again, of C B radio for you there, listener.

SPEAKER_04 18:41

Ten to the ten to the ten to the ten ten ten ten.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

When I used to work in a large department store, they used to set all the clocks when they had clocks on display for your sale to sell your clocks. They used to set all the plot faces to ten to ten. So they looked like they were smiling. That's true.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

Nothing there, mate, sorry. I've got nothing for that. Well, let's make the clock smile. Yeah, that'd be a good idea.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

What? This is important, Neil.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Okay, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

Be because it means that the year ten ten, Elmer was in his twenties.

SPEAKER_04 19:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

And we'll get to that in a bit as to why that's important.

SPEAKER_04 19:21

Yes, please.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

But first, to understand Elmer of Marmesbury.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Do you think Elmer had a like be very, very quiet. I'm hunting weapons.

SPEAKER_04 19:33

Thought it was in Sesame Street. That's Elmo. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Elma Fudd. You have to imagine, if you can, Neil.

SPEAKER_04 19:44

Try and too.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

A mix of pious monk and daredevil scientist. Like Doc Brown with a Bible. Have you got that got that picture?

SPEAKER_04 19:54

Got that picture, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

He was an eccentric part mathematician, part astrologer, and part engineer. A man of intense curiosity and determination, something of an obsessive nature, and he was quite frankly an adrenaline junkie. If he was alive today, he'd eat pucker pies without even blowing on them first.

SPEAKER_04 20:16

Wow. Literally buy a McDonald's apple pie and bite straight into it.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Bite straight into it, yeah. Yeah. He's that sort of person.

SPEAKER_04 20:23

Yeah, not gonna have whole cunning stuff all over your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

He liked the he liked the adrenaline. Now, Elmer.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Yeah. Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting weapons.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Was fascinated by the Greek myths and in particular the tale of Didalus and Icarus. Didalus was a gifted engineer who, after designing the infamous labyrinth for King Minos, was held captive with his son Icarus by the king on the Greek island of Crete.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

It does, yes, I've I've heard of it.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

But they escaped by fashioning a giant pair of wings each from feathers and wax, only for Icarus to fly too close to the sun and blah de blah de blah de blah de blah, you know the rest of it, I presume. Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 21:21

Well done. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

That's right. Do you want a minute to get over that?

SPEAKER_04 21:25

No, that's uh just common sense, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Okay. In the spirit of experimental archaeology, Al wanted to know whether the legend could have a grain of truth. Grain of truth. I mean now you look at it and say, yeah, mate, what do you reckon?

SPEAKER_04 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

But I suppose in the year ten ten of Google. You could still think to yourself, Oh, I wonder if we can. I wonder if man can fly. So in ten ten, we're back there again. A decade this is yeah, you remember this. This is quite extraordinary, really, ten ten. A decade before William Duke of Normandy and Harold Godwinson were even born and a whole half a century before they were kicking the shit out of each other at the Battle of Hastings. It was a long time ago, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 22:14

Yeah, because that was ten sixty-six. So it's fifty-six years.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Well done, Neil.

SPEAKER_04 22:20

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Before that kicked off. Our friend Elmer ascended to the summit of a tower. Most likely at Marmsburgh.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

Yeah. Jumped off.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

At the top he attached to his ankles and wrists a set of home built wings. Then he shuffled towards the ledge, the wind buffering his contraptions and trying to blow him backwards to the safety of the tower.

SPEAKER_05 22:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Only to appear determined to hurl him off the edge the next second.

SPEAKER_05 22:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

He looked down at the green expanse of Wiltshire and the winding grey avon, and then up to the white clouds scurrying across the blue sky. And he jumped. What's that you say, Neil? What's the mathematics behind this?

SPEAKER_04 23:08

I didn't say that, no. What's the mathematics behind this, please?

SPEAKER_02 23:12

The original tower at the Abbey was four hundred feet tall or hundred and twenty-two metres. Okay. But may have had a spire. So if we assume half that height, and we know he glided through the air for over one furlong, and a furlong is two hundred and twenty yards or one eighth of a mile, or two hundred and one meters.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Then the maths, which is what you're asking about, I believe.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

Is that he had a downward trajectory of around seventeen degrees.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

And if you were to imagine a typical medium pitched roof of a house, they're about eighteen point five degrees. So roughly he's going down to the ground at the same sort of steepness descent as a the slope on a roof of a house. Almer was airborne for about fifteen seconds.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

So you observed you observe that now, didn't you, already?

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

Before a strong gust of wind caused him to panic. Ah and he fell to the ground, breaking both of his legs, which in the days before we knew how to properly reset and heal bones left him with a prominent limp and insignificant pain for the rest of his life. Shick indeed. Shortly after, he was forbidden from making further attempts by his fellow monks.

SPEAKER_04 24:36

Uh right, did they say no?

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Yes, but in Latin.

SPEAKER_04 24:39

Oh, um no us.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Is that Latin?

SPEAKER_04 24:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Yeah. I didn't know you could see you couldn't do Korean last week, so I wasn't sure about it.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

No, I didn't want to do Korean. I can do Korean, but I'd still want to do it.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

But you can speak Latin.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

Yeah, speak Latin, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

So no in Latin is No us. No us.

SPEAKER_04 24:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

Thank you. How about that listener? You learn something every day, don't you, when you tune in to Honorable Us mentioners. Oh that's Latin again for our podcast.

unknown 25:08

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

Going back to our friend Elmer.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Be very, very quiet.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

Elma blamed the lack of a tail in his wing design as the cause of the crash, as this would have allowed him to steer himself. Now, an original passage from a book called Gesta Regum Angulorum. Chronicle Chronicle of the Kings of England.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Yeah, you've got the colouring version, haven't you?

SPEAKER_04 25:35

Yes, yes, nice.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Hey, hey, get on with it. Oh, lovely. I'd like to see that. And what meaning games have you gone for? You gone for crayons or felt tip?

SPEAKER_04 25:44

I've gone for crayons.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

I've seen I'd like I'd like to see that when you're done. Maybe we could share it with a listener and put some background on music on it, like ding a lingerling.

SPEAKER_04 25:56

Tony Harmony.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

Did dee ding di ding.

SPEAKER_04 25:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

This was written by William of Marmesburgh after meeting Elmer when Elmer was an old man.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

And it reads as follows. So this is William of Marmesbury now.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

So I'm just going into character. So he's meeting an old man who's lived in the abbey for his whole life.

SPEAKER_04 26:24

And walks like a sniper's nightmare.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Walks like a sniper's nightmare. And William is trying to eke out his life story, if you will.

unknown 26:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Like a sort of Dark Ages Louis Thoreau.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

So so how how do you feel about that? How does that make you feel? That's Louis Thoreau. That's the sort of thing he just asks, isn't it? And then he just lets them he lets them hang themselves then, doesn't he? I met him once. Very nice man. Extremely nice man when I met him. I didn't meet him in his efforts to make a TV programme. I'm not as bad as that. You think he's he's done those uh Westboro Baptist people and he's done Jimmy Savile and he's done the manusphere.

SPEAKER_04 27:10

Jimmy Savile, that sounds wrong, but I think he interviewed him.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

He interviewed Jimmy Savile, so I didn't I'm not as bad that I'm on the list for those people. I just happened to uh to meet him. William William Talking for Elmer. He was a man of good learning for those times, of mature age, and in his early youth had hazarded an attempt of singular temerity. Temerity He had by some contrivance fastened wings to his hands and feet in order that, looking upon the fable as true, he might fly like Didalus, and clutching the air on the summit of a tower has flown for more than the distance of a furlong. But agitated by the violence of the wind, I bet he was. And the current of air, as well as by the consciousness of his rash. Oh sorry, by the consciousness of his rash attempt.

SPEAKER_04 28:11

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

He fell and broke his legs and was lame ever after. He used to relate as the cause of his failure his forgetting to provide himself with a tale. So that was William of Marmesborough writing about Elmer of Marmsborough. When Elmer of Marmsborough was in his dotage, his flight, which occurred over fifty years before William recorded their conversation, stands as one of the earliest and best documented attempts at human flight in all history. For most of the monks, Elmer's flight wasn't just a physical failure. It was a spiritual warning. The prevailing world view was that if God wanted man to fly, he would have provided feathers.

SPEAKER_04 29:02

Or wings. Or airplanes.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Beaks or bills.

SPEAKER_04 29:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

He provides bills, right? They come through my bloody door. Attempting to transcend human limits wasn't something we me and water all should even dream of doing. For we might upset the baby Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

Was he against swimming in the sea, this fella?

SPEAKER_02 29:21

No, no, we're naturally buoyant.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Yeah, but we don't get flippers or anything, then we all scales or breathe underwater, so what's yeah, what's his argument there, pal? Come on.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

But we're naturally buoyant in the water. So there is an element there, Lil. Calm down.

SPEAKER_04 29:35

Well.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Anyway, many brothers lightly viewed his broken legs as divine intervention for trying to imitate the angels and the birds.

SPEAKER_04 29:51

Divine interventions is alright, but you don't break someone's legs if it's divine intervention, do you? You just let him come down and then I don't let something happen to his feathers.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

Well, I don't know whether he like when he says intervention for trying to imitate the angels and the birds, whether that is the angels, which we imagine live in the clouds, and the birds, the tweety birds that we see flying around in the sky. Tweety. Or whether he is talking as a nineteen seventies East End Cockney. Or or angel. Look at those birds over there. But to others, Neil especially those interested in mechanics, arithmetic, geometry, and astronomy Elmer's flight would have been fascinating.

SPEAKER_04 30:42

Yes, it would, yes.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

To eleventh century eyes, it would have been like watching your friend walking on the moon or visiting Mars.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

Yes, it's 11th century eyes, so different to ours, I suppose I'd assume.

SPEAKER_02 30:55

In fact, Neil, in fact, in Elmer's own comments about improving his design with the stability of a tail, suggests that at least some of the monks engage with him on a technical level, discussing the physics of his failure rather than just the morality of it. There just wasn't anyone else nuts enough to jump from a bloody great tower. And William of Marmesbury do you remember William of Marmesbury?

SPEAKER_04 31:20

Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

He wrote that book colouring in, didn't he? Yes. He didn't even hint of heresy, but spoke of Elmer as a man of great learning who simply tried something remarkably bold. Bit like your head. Ultimately, Marmesbury Abbey was a Benedictine Abbey, and perhaps not unsurprisingly, life was centred on the rule of St. Benedict.

SPEAKER_04 31:46

It would be if it was a Benedictine, surely.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Yes, it would be, well done now. Which emphasized care for the sick and elderly, as I'm sure you were just about to say. Sorry, I've got across you. Would you like to say it now?

SPEAKER_04 31:59

No.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Okay. No matter what they thought, Elmer's brother monks would have carried him around assisting his mobility and ensuring he could still fulfil his duties.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

And so there'd have been well chuffed that he lived for many years after his accident.

SPEAKER_04 32:17

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Continuing his scholarly work and recording his observations of Halley's Comet in ten sixty-six. What happened in ten sixty six, please, Neil?

SPEAKER_04 32:30

Halley's Comet.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Yes, and he just said. The Battle of Hastings and the last as for the invasion of of Britain. That's it. In some ways. Yes, well, you had the Glorious Revolution where they were invited in, and everyone just stood aside and said, Come on, take this over. But yeah, the last time we were in invaded by a belligerent force was ten sixty-six. On the bio tapestry, there is the the comet is on there, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 33:04

I don't know, I've not seen it.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

I've not seen it. But um I have seen photographs of it. When he saw the comet for the second time in his life, Elmer said, and again now this is another piece of actually brilliance coming your way, listener. How how are we gonna find Elmer of Marmsburgh?

SPEAKER_04 33:27

Well it'd be in the on the street, surely.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Yeah, but what sort of where's he coming from, do you think? Here let's make him a bit more let's make him a bit more all here. You come have you? You come, you source of tears to many mothers.

SPEAKER_04 33:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

Is that bristly?

SPEAKER_04 33:45

You source of tears to many mothers.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Yes. It's long since I saw you, but as I see you new, you are much more terrible. For I see you brandishing the downfall of my country.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

Who's he talking to? Hadn't he come, yet?

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Yeah, Grandpa Simpson shouting at the clowns. He was at the front there. You come now, have you?

SPEAKER_01 34:07

And then he said Shuly, very quiet. I'm hunting weapons.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

And that, Neil is the story not only of Marmsborough Abbey, which is fascinating in his own right, but also man attempting to fly in the year ten.

SPEAKER_04 34:28

Hmm. So what what happened about all the ghosts and ghouls and everything that you say about these?

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Well, the ghosts and ghouls would be of people like your barmaid, and the people hacked to death within the walls of Marlesbury Abbey, and Athelstan, the first king of England, and our debauched monk friend who was chucked into a bog was uh sticking out.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

And all those sort of people. And the lingering legend and tale of Elmer.

SPEAKER_04 34:57

What's the tiger in that lot as well? 'Cause that'd be scary to see a tiger ghost.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

It would be scary, yeah, that's a good point, that new.

SPEAKER_04 35:05

Yeah. That'd be scary. Surely they'd have put the tiger down afterwards if it attacked someone.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

Well, I don't think anyone was carrying it at the time. It would have been on its own feet.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

Oh, fair enough. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

Yeah, it's a good question, though, good observation.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

So how do you feel, listener? Are you tempted to pay a visit to Malmesborough Abbey?

SPEAKER_04 35:26

Marmesborough Abbey. Does the tower still stand where he jumped off?

SPEAKER_02 35:32

No, because Neil, in the conversation we had there, we said that the tower about 500 years ago was destroyed.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

So you can't really sort of gauge where he jumped off. Is there a splat mark on the floor where he landed?

SPEAKER_02 35:47

Yes. No, not splat mark on the floor. There's like a skid in the soil. Yeah, it hit the soil and like it you can see the imprint of his face.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

This is got scores up against the soil rock.

SPEAKER_04 35:57

Then it's put on there, but in the cartoon, it's just a sort of a person in the star shape hitting the floor.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Yeah, and just like it. Yeah. If you imagine the monks cutting like that episode of The Simpsons with Homer fouled down the side of that cliff, get every time he hit a branch or a bit of rock. If you imagine old Elmer hitting the ground and starting on.

SPEAKER_04 36:20

Oh, that's smart.

SPEAKER_02 36:21

Yeah, and all the monks go, ooh, ew, ah. Ooh, and he kept hitting things as his flooding.

SPEAKER_04 36:29

Ah.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

They wouldn't have stood up very fast because he'd broken both of his legs, Neil.

SPEAKER_04 36:35

Well, they couldn't have wouldn't have known that if he stood up.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

No, you wouldn't, would it, unless they were all different angles. But we don't know this sort of thing, anyway. You thought they'd had to have health and safety, St. John's ambulance standing by. At least you wouldn't have to be a little bit more. And a helmet and a clipboard. Yeah, you'd be able to get it. Just touching. What if it had really took off?

SPEAKER_04 37:02

You'd probably still be flying now.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

Yeah, you look at your window and it's just like his skeleton strapped to a language for the week.

SPEAKER_04 37:13

He's he is actually Hale's Comet. It's just going around around the world, round the earth.

SPEAKER_02 37:21

Probably. Yes. But anyway, listener, and off of Neil's Wild Fantasies, thank you for listening to another episode of Honorable Mentions. Thank you for joining us yet again for more waffle and rubbish. If you have a story within your family, or just of something you're interested in, perhaps, or someone you know of, perhaps, and you want us to feature it on honourable mentions. If you are the CEO of Burger King and you'd like to reward us for dropping you a mention, or if you're Ed Sheeran and you need the publicity, then please do get in touch with us. You could join us on honourable mentions as a co-presenter. We don't mind. I don't see.

SPEAKER_04 38:05

We're not proud by the way.

SPEAKER_02 38:06

You can let us know on honourable mentionspod at gmail.com or Discord. We can go that way now.

SPEAKER_04 38:14

It just depends how you are around celebrities. Because obviously we are getting huge now. So yeah, what depends on your place.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

What's below Zed List celebrity? I don't know how far how how far deep it goes.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

Know your place.

SPEAKER_02 38:30

Beyond Z List celebrities, but somewhere down there. If if you get as far as Z List Celebrity and keep digging, um somewhere at the bottom of that hole, myself and Neil are there.

SPEAKER_04 38:40

Yeah, well, I'll say we're not even up to the point yet where we can go and celebrity big brother.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

No, but you bother Neil, because you you are quite the celebrity.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

I've not been out the date out of the game for twenty-five years and looking to get back into it.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

No, I'm I'm still anonymous. I'm so anonymous, even though I don't know who I am. But there we go. Thank you, listener, for joining us on this exciting episode of Elmer of Malmsburg and The Flying Monk.

SPEAKER_04 39:10

And Um Honourable Mentions.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Yeah. Is that it? Give it a big flourish.

SPEAKER_04 39:17

I'll give it another flourish, you're ready.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

Big big production finish, Love.

SPEAKER_04 39:21

Ready?

SPEAKER_02 39:22

And honor. Thank you, sir. See you next week if you want to come back for more of that. Bye.