Ep 3: Becoming "Old"

We can't be The Old Umma Club and not talk about what's aging us and making us feel old. Even though starting families in our 30s is super common, we also know we get slapped with "geriatric pregnancy" the moment we turn 35 years old. Join us on this cheeky episode as we talk about rickety bones to the never ending sleepless nights that magically ages us overnight!

Reach out to Sophia and Joyce:

Instagram: @theoldummaclub

Email: theoldummaclub@gmail.com

Music credits:
"Life of Riley" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Transcript

Speaker: 0:02

Hey Amaz, welcome to the Old Alma Club. I'm Joyce. And I'm Sophia. We are two friends in Los Angeles who had so many great coffee chats about our love for Jesus being Korean in biracial marriages and having kids mid-career, mid thirties. So we decided to turn it into a podcast. So grab a cup of coffee and

Speaker 2: 0:19

join our conversations and by aching backs, motherhood, marriage, Jesus, and everything in between.

Speaker 3: 0:26

You ready? Hannah? Two. Set. Set. Let's go. Let's go.

Joyce: 0:36

Hello. Hello. This episode is episode three. Welcome. Welcome. And today we're going to be talking about what's aging us right now, news flash. It's our children. Uh, um, this episode is, we're planning on it being lighthearted, a fun episode, just really more of a chat of the same things that we're going through, almost like commiserating, you know what I mean? Because. Like company likes. Like company. Mm-hmm. Um, so we're gonna be splitting the conversation to two topics. Uh, topic one is what's aging us like as in like what is actually contributing to our ailments. And then second part is what is making us feel old? It's just more of like a self perception thing that's kind of like impacting

Sophia: 1:22

Yeah, they're two quite different things, but at the same time they are very related.

Joyce: 1:27

Yes. Sometimes they feel like they're the same. So we had like to really divvy out as we're talking about this. Like, okay, how are they different? Yes.

Sophia: 1:35

So, and I mean as a caveat, we know we are not old, but we are aging and also we are still technically as much. Yeah. That kind of hit me one day when I realized I fit every criteria for being an ama.

Joyce: 1:53

I know, but I'm not an ama. Just'cause I'm a kid too.

Sophia: 1:57

You're a little like a, you're like a trendy ama. Like a cool ama. But you are indeed an ama. I know Joy. You just have to accept the fact we are hitting our middle age. We are married different with children. The only thing we are lacking is the AMA perm and the Amar pants. I know the high wasted pants. No, but they do look comfy. But you know what? We have our own version of high waisted pants now. It's called Nike. This is the modern, yes, this is the modern Ajuah outfit. It is a T-shirt that's, I don't know, covered in Go and dude. All on my shirts are ruined. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I need to throw out a lot of T-shirts right now. Oh yeah. But then I have no T-shirts to wear, so then I. To buy. Do you want, is it birthday coming up? Do you want me to gift you some T-shirts? Yes. Anyway, I think we should also reveal our age, dumb, dumb, dumb, um, to prove to you that we are indeed old and, and hence it's called the old Club. Okay. I am 38 and I will be 39 in September. Which is right around the time that this, the season should be launching for us. So, we are recording currently in July just for a time of context, but yes, I am 38 and I'll be 39 in September. And I am turning 38 mm-hmm. In October this year. Yeah. So I'm 37 going 38 and Joyce is. 38 going 39. Mm-hmm. We are very close to 40. Yes. Going on 39. We are so damn old, but we feel young. And yet still, I'm sorry. This, this episode is all about feeling old in my mind. I'm still 21. We are forever 21 guys. Even when we are 79, age 30 was like a. Twenties was twenties is rough. Yeah. Twenties was rough. Yeah. And I think in a way when the, we called this podcast the Old Mud Club and complain about being old, I think we were both kind of glad we, we had kids not thirties. Yeah. Which is like a whole other episode in itself. Later on down one, that's a future episode. The twenties was rough. Twenties was very rough for me too. But now we are in the late thirties. We are thriving relatively. We with saggy boobs. We could talk more in depth about, we just love talking about saggy boobs. Um, anyway, so Joyce, What is aging you right now? Physically, actually, biologically, chemically aging you and environmentally, so we will all, I will also make the announcement that I am pregnant. Mm-hmm. So I am approaching week 20 as we are recording this right now. Know? Yes. Can't believe it. It's coming up soon. Baby Number three. Baby Number three. Technically pregnancy number four. Um, and then I. Being pregnant is aging you. Oh, for sure. Everything about every pregnancy. Pregnancy in the late thirties, right? I mean, granted, I started my pregnancies in my mid thirties. Like I started, I delivered my first when I turned 35. so I already started in the geriatric world, but, um, which is like so normal in our. In our generation now, quote unquote geriatric. Yeah. Quote such an offensive term. But there is like, I think also the fact of having four pregnancies and the, I mean, getting three successful like happy pregnancies like in four under four years. Mm-hmm. Like my pelvic floor, that's pretty tough on the body. Yeah. Yeah.'cause technically it takes two years for your body to like actually recover back only two years. Hmm. Ish. So it's, I was like, oh gosh. But physically, what's aging like? The actual process of pregnancy has been aging me. and like the lack of sleep on top of being pregnant and the hormonal fluxes of pregnancy, plus the two kids are still not sleeping very well. Mm-hmm. It's like a miracle when they both sleep at night. That is like definitely making it so hard right now. Yeah. That is definitely the common number one issue. Mm-hmm. And this is also why sleep training courses are such a money pit because we are desperate. We are desperate for sleep. Yeah. Um, I still recall with such nostalgia, this feels like 20 years ago when I could sleep in, in the weekends. Mm-hmm. And I could sleep as long as I want. Oh. That just feels like a, that feels like heaven. I know. And I talked to like my girlfriends who are still single and no kids, and they're like, I had such a rough night of sleep and I slept in until 11. I was like, oh, that must be so nice. So, you know, I so like, oh, I'm so sorry. I had a rough night of sleep. So jealous. You got to sleep until 11:00 AM to compensate for your lack of sleep. But. Yeah. So like lack of sleep is definitely one of them. What's another one for you, Sophia? Um, the lack of self-care, self-management. Yeah. Things that, you are supposed to do for optimal health. Yes. You know, like the videos that you see on Instagram about, this is my. Morning routine. Mm-hmm. And they wake up and then they have a cold plunge, and then they go work out and then they have a protein shake before the second breakfast. Yep. And then they do a meditation and then they, you know, like, like all of those are maybe possible, but it does feel impossible for me right now. Yeah. Yeah. The regularity of doing things right. I think there is something to be said as like humans, We thrive on regularity. Mm-hmm. And on schedule. And I think as a parent, yes, there's some level of regularity for us, but not really.'cause our, our entire focus is on the regularity of our child. Yeah. And like, I get it. People are like saying like, you know, the whole, like, this isn't self-care. This is basic necessities. And Yes, I agree. Taking that shower is like a human right. Like Uhhuh, you know, and I get like, yes. And eating nutritious meals. But it's just hard, and especially with us when we have young children. Yeah. Under, under school age. Mm-hmm. Right. They're not even five yet like it is. And we have two kids, like at home. I mean, our oldest are at school now, but even so, you still have a young life form that's like clinging onto you. It's hard. your focus is really on their schedule. So your own schedule, your own meals, your own nutrition, as much as you try your best to make it. Healthy life-giving restorative. You're like, I'm gonna just eat that mac and cheese leftover because I don't have energy to add protein to this. Uh, what is, I hear people like, you know, all those, there's just too much incoming voices, you know? So then you're like, I'm gonna just get this pack in cheese. Yeah. I, I have to say my main meal of the day is when the kids, after the kids. Went to bed. Yeah. Because until then, I have no idea what's going into my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Because I You're just like grazing. Yes. I'm a human garbage disposal. literally a lot of my meals during the day is when I'm cleaning up. Yeah. The high chair sweeping things up. I like, oh, here's a half knot strawberry. Put it in my mouth. Oh, here's a piece of saliva, dripping pancake. Let me put it in my mouth. Yep. I know they're like, I'm like, my constipation during this pregnancy is not because of the pregnancy itself. It is because my children eat all of my fruit that's on my plate. And so the only fruit I get is from eating it off of their plate remnants. And so I'm like, okay, I get to eat half an orange today. I get they eat like this. No, on blueberry you have to, you have to hide in the closet to eat. Yes, I know Whatcha doing. Know Tide. My second is. Such a little thief. Like everything, even if he's full, he sees me pull something out new. He's like, oh, me too. And then he eats it, but he doesn't want it on his plate. Yeah. Has to be your plate Right. To, to does that too. One thing good though is that I don't get to eat as much snacks, like junk food during the day. Yeah. Because I don't want to, to see me. The moment he hears a rustle or plastic Yeah. He can be two rooms over. He, that's just, oh, ma, what's that? I know. What's that? And then he would physically pry his fingers into my mouth to figure out what's in my mouth. And I'm just nothing. What? Nothing for you. That's why I don't eat junk food in front of him. We have this video of Tyg when he was like just learning how to crawl and he knew that wrapper sound. So Tyler has a video where he just goes to the pantry and he rustles a bag, Uhhuh. He doesn't even open, he just crinkles a bag and he waits. And within five, 10 seconds you hear, you see Ty just crawl all the way into the kitchen and he's just staring at Tyler like. WhatsUp, dude, what you doing? And then Tyler just like wrestles back and he sits up and he stares at him like, okay, Nadu. That's, that is hilarious. That is hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, number three. What's aging us physically? Stress. Yeah. Stress is the number one aging factor, right? Yeah. That's why they always say, that's why they try to minimize, there's all these techniques to try to minimize stress. Uncontrolled stress, right?'cause stress is normal. But stress is supposed to be like a burst thing. Like it's supposed to, like evolutionarily speaking, stress is supposed to kind of give you a little bit of adrenaline burst for you to like run away from whatever is causing that stress point. Mm. But I think the way that our society has created itself and the way motherhood has evolved, we don't get like bursts of stress. Like our stress levels are like pretty high and maintained, and that's when like it's consistent. That's when you start seeing all the background stress. Mm-hmm. And it's not like work stress where it's like you have this deadline pressing over you. Right. It's just kind of this like a buzzing noise. Yeah. The stress we have is like a buzzing, like it's like a bee. Yeah. Just this. Flying around your head. Yep. Mm-hmm. And you are so used to it. Mm-hmm. But it is there and it takes the toil on your mental health. Mm-hmm. And your physical health. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I mean, also like the stress levels, especially for us. Well, right now, for me, it doesn't apply because I'm currently pregnant, so my body is running rampant with hormone levels. But once I deliver this baby, I expect to be joining in with a lot of mothers entering perimenopause. Right. And estrogen is like a factor for us, like hormonal fluctuations, the lack of hormonal fluctuations, or even exact like early postpartum, like how everything drops. And like we have basically zero estrogen for a long time. I mean, breastfeeding. Yeah. My estrogen is just down in the drain. Yeah. And that actually like estrogen is shown to have protective. Mechanisms against stress sirs. Huh? It's, and it's actually anti-inflammatory, right? So people have this weird thing about estrogen, but like estrogen protects women from inflammatory processes. Mm-hmm. And that's why it's so important for us to get estrogen back into, do hormonal supplementation if we can. But it protects our brain, it protects our heart, it protects our joints. Interesting. Like it protects everything. And then, you know, breastfeeding, pregnancy, postpartum. Everything perimenopause. Like, it just, it adds hormonal stressors to our body. Yeah. That totally messes with your head. Yeah. And then it, you are just like mental. Yeah. And everything is unnecessarily higher trigger of stress, I feel like, you know what I mean? Oh, everybody knows what you mean. Yeah. But, or I wonder if it's also like the perception of stress is also stressful itself. Explain, like you're like, God, I'm stressed out, and then you're focused on the fact that you're so stressed out. Got it. Yes. You're like, and I'm like, oh, I'm so tired. And all you can do is like get focused on stuff. So that, that mental stress aspect, I'm actually thinking a lot about this of how I kind of, kind of just assume. Okay. Parenthood is gonna be stressful. Full stop. Mm-hmm. But I realized that actually there are things I can, I mean, I can't change a lot of parts about parenthood. Mm-hmm. But I can change how I respond to different things. Yes, yes. And one thing that I realized that gives me a lot of stress is the unknown of when is the next. Tantrum. Yes. And it the stress of like, am I gonna get a good night of sleep? Yeah, exactly. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna give you this banana. You don't, are you gonna have a tantrum? Because it's too green or too yellow, or is too big? Ask enough question. Yes. Before I give this banana, or like when I, when I open a juice box, do you want me to open this for you? Because if not, do you want me to unwrap the straw? Yeah. You want me to take the straw off? Do you want me to put the straw in or No? there's like this like. This, this tiny lingering, this stress of am I gonna have to deal with a meltdown over this stupid thing or no? Yep. And I realized, oh, how unhealthy that is for both to and me, right? Um, because I, I realized I'm actually legit, kind of afraid of my own child, and so that prevents me from really, truly. Enjoying join his company. Yeah.'cause he's, he's such a joyful, enjoyable kid. Yes. But because I'm terrified of what may or may not happen, you can't be present. Yeah.'cause you're just like focused on what may happen. Mm-hmm. And it takes you away from the present. I agree completely. actually I just listened to a podcast. Uh, it's a replay podcast. Uh, from what? Um, from Don't Mom Alone. And it was her conversation at the podcast. Um, host with Jackie Hill, Perry Love Jackie Hill. Perry Malone. Yeah. And do Mom Malone is such a great podcast. Mm-hmm. Highly recommend. Oh, yes. It's a great place for resources too. But it was interesting because the podcast host, I'm sorry I don't remember her name. Um, she asked Jackie, Jackie Perry, like, how do you deal with not allowing yourself to get fully enveloped and engrossed on trying to keep your child happy? And Jackie said something that I was like. Girl, you so right. Why? And then she said that it blew my mind. She said, it's a lie. She's like, it's all a lie because you, your child will never be happy unless they know God and your child. Until they are focused in on God, you can never make them happy. And when she said that, I was like You, right? And I'm like, that's also the lie that Satan has filled into me of I'm like. What do I need to do? Constant, I'm constantly thinking, what do I need to do to make my child's life so much more full to meet my child's life? And it's a really, it's a really unnecessary stress and it does consume you, and it takes away from your ability to be present, takes away from your ability to invest in your own time. Mm-hmm. Because you're so consumed with your child's time. Yeah. And then when she said that, I was like. You Right. I'm never gonna make my child happy, so I'm just gonna do what I know is best for my child. And that's just my job is to make'em that they do what's best for. Right. Your job him isn't to make him happy, right? Yeah. My job is to make sure that they are safe, that they are loved, and love comes with boundaries. Mm-hmm. And kindness. Yeah. And so I was like, oh. You know, I just on that a little bit episode because you told me to yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. And another thing that Jackie Hill parents said, we are quoting her like she's, she's the Bible. She's a great theologian. Yeah, she's, she's great. Um, another thing that she said that I just 100% related to, she was like, I was not present. Yes. Because she was so used to being away and having her, her alone time. Her alone time. Yes. That during the pandemic, when she was forced to just be indoors the whole time. Yes. She resented. Yeah. Her kids' presence. but it was just hard for her because used to flying. So she was used to being present only for a few days, and then she got to fly and leave. So she got to recharge by being alone. Right. Because now she could barely, she couldn't do that, have those alone times, and it was very hard for her. And that's me because, oh, yes. Because I, I also used to travel a lot. Yes. I mean, not a lot, but I had, I, I was long stints Yes. Plus also when I was working mm-hmm. I had my, mm-hmm. My me time where I could just zone into something that I loved doing. Mm-hmm. Which was writing, researching, interviewing. And there were times when, I felt like I had a space Yes. Around myself Yes. That nobody could enter. Yes. And it was just mine. Yes. And I lost that when I became a stay at home parent. Yes. And, that is one of the stress that I realized I, I have that is actually quite self-inflicted of not being able to completely let go. Mm-hmm. Of like, okay. When gonna have my alone time. Yeah. You're so fixated. On the next, I'm fixated on when is the bedtime. Yes. And then, ah. I can finally enjoy myself. I realized that It is not helpful. Mm-hmm. It is not helpful for myself mm-hmm. To be that, and it's not helpful for my kids. Mm-hmm. Because then they will semi subconsciously get the fact that I am not really there. I'm just waiting for them to go to sleep. go to bed. Which then makes them naturally clinging more to you. Mm-hmm. Because they can sense that there's some weird separation happening, which kids are so. Crazy. Attuned to, yeah, you're very sensitive. Right? So they sense that. So then they get more clingy, which then is a vicious cycle.'cause then you're like, I just need you to stop touching me. So it's a self perpetuating Yes. Stress? Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah, And I understand like, yes, there is a point of view of like, parenthood is stressful, but I think it's just more of the unpredictability. And I think when you are a single adult by yourself without children, your life, yes, it is still stressful. It is still hard, but you have control over that time. Mm-hmm. You really do. At the end of the day, I, you don't realize like. Self-sacrifice. And I think that's also what ages me mm-hmm. Is having to be so self-sacrificial. Um, because motherhood, and this is what I appreciate about the podcast, is also just Jackie Perry just saying like, the simplicity of reading a book with your child is still sanctification and that the mundane of your life with your child is where there is blessing. And sometimes I think I get so caught up on like in all of that other stuff. And like the irregularity of like me wanting to have some of that separation time. Because as a stay at home parent, you don't have separation time. Yeah. And so that separation time feels so sacred that you can't help but have it run in the back of your head at like one's nap time. When's, when's bedtime? Then, because I need that, I need that now. I get so angry when she had a 10 minute nap and she woke up. Or like, after I put them to bed, URI does still wake up. Yeah. And I, and I get. Like just so bad. Yeah. Upset because like I finally Yeah. Just sat down with my big ass last meal and I just don't wanna be left alone and not have to go and put her down again. Yeah. And that stress level is just keeps up. Yeah. There is no moment. Right? Mm-hmm. Because even sleep in itself, you're like, okay, let me just try to go to sleep right now.'cause maybe, maybe if I'm lucky, last night they woke up at midnight. So if I go to sleep right now, maybe I can get a solid one hour sleep and then No, they wake up. Yeah. Like as your head is hitting the pillow. Yeah. And then you're like, man, and cue the aging. Aging. Yeah. And then there goes the lack of sleep. And then you hear, because I am. One of those people that deep dive on things. And then, I don't know why I deep dive on sleep science stud, like sleep science, like research, like said parents. Parents obsessed with sleep. Yeah. And so then I'm like, oh, that's cool. They're like, yeah, talking about just like how bad sleep is and like how lack of sleep. And I was like, why am I looking at this? Because it's just making me more frustrated. Lemme just research the ways in which to trigger myself. Yeah. That I am, um, aging. Yeah. Not doing myself miserable. Yes. Yeah. But um, what, what you mentioned about just being every moment, the simple things being a ified moment. Yeah. right now we are in the trenches and I think this is one thing that our podcast is about. It's not about like advising you, this is what you should do, this is what you should do to, because we don't know. Yeah. We don't really know. And we are still in it. We are still trying to figure it out. Mm-hmm. we are still being edified in real time, incentivized in real time and God is speaking to us in real time. Yeah. And a lot of things that maybe to an experienced parents and experienced mother, she's like, oh, this is obvious. Yeah. Yeah. But right now we are still learning. Like we, things need to hit us. Yeah. As we are living life in the trenches. Yeah. Yes. So let's move on to our second point then, which is what is making us feel old? Hmm. Right. Like we talked about what is actually aging us, which is like the physical, like actual things that are inherent like environmental or biological, but like what is actually just making us feel old. And I think for me it's When I look at myself in the mirror because of the lack of sleep and I just see skin that is just hanging, like, I don't know if, I don't know if you ever, I don't think you ever heard this'cause you didn't grow up in the States, but I was like, for your educate for ed school, there's a old, like a kids song, but then people have replaced it and they're like, do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to the floor? Can you tie them in a they roll them over your shoulder, tie them in a do your boobs. Hang low. Yes, they do. They do as long along with many other parts of my face and my skin. And I'm like, that makes me feel old.'cause it's like, I'm like, that's what I saw in my mom. Mm. And in my mind, my mom is old, right? But I am like, but she is almost 80. Of course she should have saggy skin. But my saggy skin seems to be in the progress of matching her saggy skin. And I'm like. Something is wrong here. Just, I don't know what kind of fancy mirror you have, but I don't see any sagging skin. I think the problem is not you, it's your mirror. My mirror changed that mirror. It's, it's like a carnival mirror. I was like, everybody's stretched out. That's the every mirror I look at. I do. I will be upfront. I do struggle with body image issues. I've always struggled with them. We've talked about'em before in a previous episode. So that definitely doesn't help the postpartum and the pregnancy.'cause I'm like, I keep telling myself, I'm like, oh, I'm not fat. I'm pregnant. I'm not fat, I'm not pregnant. I don't need to cut back on eating protein. I am pregnant. I'm growing a life form. I, I have to like constantly remind myself, you know, the weird, so, but definitely this, the fatigue and like when I look at myself of like. Maybe it's just a process of looking in the mirror. I should just not look in mirrors anymore. No, I feel you because I was, my answer is what do I, what makes me feel old is mirrors. And like you in the morning, I really do not look in the mirror. I, in fact, like look at, look at my room. Do we see a mirror? Yeah. One behind you. Oh wait, yes, but that's not, you know what? But that was tall. How much? I don't look at the mirror. I didn't even realize it was there. I completely forgot there was a mirror right there. Um, but it's not even in a, in a height that you can actually use it as a useful, it's just decorat mirror. No, it's this decorative mirror that I would throw away that right now, because I, I did not need any mirrors in my house. We, we, it is gonna be, my house is gonna be a no mirror zone. I think. I think this should be a new revolution. No mirrors. Hashtag no mirrors. If we, every interior designer is dying right now. They're like, you need a mirror? No, no mirrors. I don't need to look at myself. And hence also, I do not let anyone take a picture of me because when I look at the picture I'm like, holy crap. Like what happened? What happened to my face? Oh girl, you look exactly the same. But I totally understand. It's just this is like what is what is making us feel old? Right. Another all the subjective, but another thing is like talking about photos, looking at old photos. You know how your iPhone, oh dude, I look at, Hey, here's a picture of you from thousand 16. It looks so vital. I know. I. I know. I'm like, look, I glow and it's not from makeup. This is actually no makeup photo. Yeah. And I'm naturally glowing. Yeah. I look at myself from like 2019, 2018, 2016. I'm like, I can't believe I thought I looked old then. Mm-hmm. I looked so young. Well, I look at Tyler'cause Tyler, the amount of. Gray hairs he has developed since we had our first kid. Poor Tyler. It has not just doubled, it has tripled. And he's just like, look at how little gray hair I had. I was like, yeah, but, but for men, like when they get gray hair, they're like praised for looking like. Distinguished. Yeah. And like prof professorial. When woman get gray hair, they're like, girl, you need to go to a hair salon. Mm. Do you have gray hairs? I don't see any. I do have, I get one. I get the most random. I want like really cute peppered hair. Like if I started getting really cute peppering of my black like gray hair, I would totally be about it. But I just get the one in the back of my head. That's it. Maybe, maybe you should just dye your hair white. I have thought about that. I'll give you a shot of white streaks. It makes me look too pale. Then I have to start doing tanner, and then it's a whole process. I found one white hair. It's just random right here. Yeah. I didn't even pluck it up because postpartum hair loss, every hair is precious, right? So that is true. I'm like, oh, I should, I pluck it up. But no, but even never grows out. I need to cling onto every strand of hair. I know. Even like pre be a postpartum, like postpartum, like my body has been so different too. And it's like, I don't know this body anymore and I'm pregnant. So like right now, everything hurts. But even before getting pregnant, everything was still hurting. But now just everything hurts more, like, yeah, more. And I don't remember my body hurting with my first pregnancy when I was 34, but it's like my feet hurt. Like first trimester. I was like. My, my para. Exactly. Yeah. Like putting on like edema. Yeah. And I was like, what is this? And so background, I'm physical therapist, so I'm like doing like lymphatic massage and like trying to drain my, like swollen feet. I'm like, it's the first trimester if it hurts. Now what's gonna happen later? Uh, newsflash, it has not gone away, so I wear like compression socks. I get worse. It did. Oh. I don't think it, like, looks visibly swollen, but like, it just feels like I literally walked Disneyland for four days straight girl all day. Yeah. The body aches is another thing that's making us feel old. Um, for me it's the back aches. Mm. I mean, I had really bad back aches for both of my pregnancies, but now like I. I'm one of those people who are like perpetually afraid of back pain now, because once you hurt your back, it's so easy to hurt it again. I've hurt my back multiple times. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so now like if I feel twinge, I kind of mentally freak out a little of whether, oh no, is it happening? Because the first time I hurt my back, it was from lifting weights. Okay. Like that. That makes sense. Second time I hurt my back from just putting down a five pound bag of rice. Third time I hurt my back, I was just sitting still and I just felt my back seizing up. Like I didn't do anything. I was just sitting still. So I The back aches. Yeah. Mine is like, I get like a little bit of the backaches. Mine is more of like joint pain, like my knee. I see too, my ankles, especially at the end of the day injuries. Yeah. You just like all my joints kind of hurt. Yeah. My spine definitely feels compressed at the end of the day, so I'm always like laying on my back to decompress my spine and I'm like, oh, it, it's the aju eczema. Like, oh, whenever, when you, when you're about to sit down, when you're about to set up deep, the deep satisfaction you get once you're actually like fully supine, laying on your back and you're like. Ah, yeah. Yeah. I said we don't have anyone to massage us. I know actually sometimes the kids will like, they're get on your back. They'll get on my back and I'm like, I now understand why my mom had me like step on her back all the time when I was young. I'm like,'cause this feels freaking amazing. I'm like, dang, I'm gonna capitalize on this for as long as I can. Yeah. While they're still young. Well, they're still young and it doesn't literally break my, my spine, you know? I remember. Okay. Another thing that's making me feel this is constant fatigue. Oh yeah. I, I, now, I now know why my mother was. Always so tired and I used to get really annoyed. Yeah. Because like, we would go to the pool and my mother doesn't even go into the pool. She just sits there. Right? Yeah. And then, and then she's like, ah, let's go home. I'm tired. And then like, you just we're sitting there doing nothing. Yeah. But now I know. Yeah. Why the process of getting to the pool itself? Yeah. You, you're like, why? You're, the whole time you're packing everything and getting everyone, you're like really questioning life. You're like, why did I do this to myself? Why is this worth it? Is this worth it? And then you get there and you're like, ah, you know, I still don't know if it was just worth it. I don't, but they look happy. So I guess, it is worth it because it's a fun experience. Um, so David was gone for five whole days and we had a whole weekend together, right? So I was like, okay, let's go to the garden. And we bought a membership for their South Coast Botanic Garden. Okay. And we got there and I was really exhausted. Yeah, just the process of packing everything up. Oh no. Oh, you pooped. Okay. Let me wipe you. Oh no, she pooped. Okay, lemme change your diaper. Okay? Okay. Come on. Come on guys. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go, let's go. And the constant repetition. Put on, put on issue. Okay. Okay, let's, let's do we have everything? Do we have everything? Okay. It was just the, the BBBB, like the, the hurry, the rush, because I had to get there by a certain time.'cause he have a time stamp reservation. Yeah. And then we got there like, oh, I'm dying. And the day just started. We just got here. That's whenever it's like, that's when, whenever we go to the aquarium, like I finally get there. I'm like. Oh, it is only nine o'clock. I know. 12 more hours to go. We still have so much more time in this day to go, don't we? Yeah, I know the rush. I will say though, I don't know if this will work for you, but Kian, what has helped lately is counting and not like, not like the old school counting where like if you don't do it in five seconds, I'm gonna slap. It's more of like I'm giving him a parameter. So I'm like, can you put your shoes on in five seconds? And I'm like, it's a race. Oh. So now it's gamified, but it's just, I realize if I give him this context of accounting, it put a little boundary on him. So then he's like, oh, shoot. And I tell him, I'm like, if you don't put your shoes on in 30 seconds and then I get to choose your shoes, or you don't get any shoes. And so he's like, oh. And so I start counting and you're like, walk over. He's, he's lollygagging. I'm like, I'm like, I don't mean like he's walking like with deter. I gave him 30 seconds, and so he's like, he looks like I freaking lost butterfly. Just like, wait, fluttering here, fluttering there. Occasionally falls over. I'm like, how do you fall over? And then he puts his shoes on, but usually he does it. My 32nd count is probably about a two minute wait, but it's like one, two, and he'll do it. It has helped a little bit where I'm like, you have five seconds to put on your seatbelt, like, or to get in your, to get your butt in the car seat. And then he's like. And then once he starts getting close to five, he starts panicking. He's like, I can't get that belt on. And I'm like, all right, well at least you're in the car seat. So this, this is, this works. That's kind of helpful. Yeah. I've only been experimenting for like the last couple of weeks and I'm like, okay, it seems to be working. So most, not all the time, but. A little bit. And it math, it's like math if you know. I mean, we, we tried that too. We bought a timer and we're like, okay. The timer did not work. Yeah. It doesn't really work. He just, he just concept of time. He loves the Yeah. Toying around the timer. Yeah. He loves the concept of timers. Yeah. But it doesn't give him that sense of, Hey, time is ticking. Yes, exactly. Yes, yes. So I realized, I'm like, okay, like, because they don't know time yet. So I realized just counting when I actually need, like, let's do this now. That has helped.'cause the timer thing we've done, I don't even know where our timers are now. They're all broken. They're covered of food. I was like, forget timers. The timers we've had, I bought like four and like love every in the subscription, they give you a timer, they're all gone. They've been annihilated, they're gone. Or they stopped working'cause the kids threw'em so many times and I know that you can, I know it works for some people. Just for my kid, my kiddo, it just did not work because. He's just watching it. He doesn't understand'cause minutes in child, in a toddler's mind, it's like hours. Yeah. It's like eternity. Mm-hmm. So he's like, cool, I have 10 minutes. Great. It's have the whole day. Yeah. So counting. I was like, okay, it's annoying, but I'm like, literally my neighbors probably think I'm like counting all day.'cause like every step of the way, okay, you gotta put your shirt on 30 seconds. But it kind of helped a little bit. Put a little urgency parameter. I don't know. It does not work for all children, but it has worked for the past two weeks with mine. Well, we have to be realistic here. I mean, I have a 3-year-old, you have a almost 4-year-old. Yeah. Um, age appropriateness. I don't think they are gonna be dressing themselves and getting ready in five minutes for quite some time. Maybe never. I dunno, but, and it, I don't, two times. Yeah, I think, I think it's a rare, rare child who can do that when Keenan has started dressing himself. But I mean, Keenan is six months older total. I mean, I'm talking about in time. Oh, yes. Yeah. When you say, Hey, do it, and then they just go and do it like right then and there. Or maybe, maybe we, I don't know, like we need still, we not, we need to be a little bit more on top of developing those kind of habits of immediate obedience. Yeah. Well, I mean, immediate obedience is like, it's definitely a developmental thing. Because time is not of of urgency for them. Mm-hmm. I will say Kian does get dressed by himself pretty decently when it's time, when, like when he has found the urgency of doing it. But, but that is a skill. He's only developed in the past, like several, like in the past, like several months. Okay. So I will say there is hope in the sense of getting dressed. Okay. And I think it's because as he's approaching for that level of. Autonomy. And then he knows that if I get him dressed, he also doesn't get to pick his clothes. Mm. So he, he's all about like, you know, I try to give him the yeses that he can have. And so he's like, yeah, I'll get myself dressed. And we give him some freedom where I'm like, all right, go upstairs and pick your outfit and come down. Granted, sometimes he picks a seasonal, inappropriate clothes and I make him go back and change it, which is usually where the meltdown happens. And I regret it every single time. Yeah. But I'm like. I'm not wearing you, I'm not having to wear long sleeves and long pants, one 90 degrees outside. So, yeah. And like, but yeah, I, I think that has. I don't know how we got to this subject, but that has it, it there is light at the end of the tunnel. Okay. To be continued. We should report back. But yeah, the fatigue of not being able to recover from things is hard. I think. I think about like when we were in our twenties and we didn't get a good night's sleep. Like our body, my body just ran on adrenaline then. Yeah. Yeah. But we also didn't have like the adrenaline of other things. So I think like that felt so much more manageable. But I think like being. Running on a adrenaline as a parent is so different. It's so much harder because you can never, there's really never a moment to recharge, um, when you have young kids. Yeah. someone made an analogy of being like an iPhone that never fully recharges. Yeah. That you put it on the nightstand to recharge and then before it hits 60%. Yeah. It's disconnected again. Yeah. That's, that's just how we feel. Yeah. That is true. I mean like we try, I think like you and I, we both value exercise. Mm-hmm. And health and fitness. Health. So I think we like, were able to find some sort of regularity and recharge in that, but it's just not enough. And when you're battling weeks, months of bad sleep, years of bad sleep, like that is, everything makes you feel old. Trying to put on your pants and your socks makes you feel old. Bending over. Oh yeah. I'm trying to get back up and bending over. Stop. I'm just gonna lay here now. Oh my gosh. And then because of the body change, like the way clothing doesn't fit well, right. And the way that current fashion trends are going. So I feel like fashion trends have made me feel old. Because like you mean the, what do you call it? The, the lower belly pan. What? Low bottom pants. Low bottom. Low bottom pants. Low cut pants. Low cut. Okay. Lowrise? Yes. Lowrise. My brain, that's not, we're old. Did I say low Bottom pad. That means he's bottom pad. But it, I mean, it makes sense in my head because it's so low. It's almost on your bottom. I don't know. But anyway, lowrise pants. Yes. Um, you know, back in the nineties when Lowrise pants was a thing and I thought it was buried in the graveyard forever, but no, it's been resurrected. I will say the lowrise pants has been helpful during this pregnancy. Only. Only when you're pregnant, pregnant, when you pregnant after that. over my dead body. I can't. I'd rather be out of fashion, not try the. Than ever go back to low rice pets. I don't know why that's coming back. I mean, it's because now, I mean the nineties, the nineties fashion of like the crop top with the low rice, I don't think low rice ever went away. But millennials, like our generation, we just really valued a high waisted pan. Part of it is because it's really flattering in the sense like especially if with the right body type for it,'cause it gives you a much more cinched waist effect, right? Mm-hmm. And I remember as a kid. I used to wear low lowrise pants all the time and my mom would always tell me it's going to make, she's like, it's going to change your waist. So my mom didn't like it. She always wanted me to wear high mid waist pants because she was like, it's going to change your waist. And it did. Like, I remember I started, I was looking at pictures and I was like, oh yeah, like I lost my waistline. What? How does that change your waist? I became more,'cause you're not actively working on your core'cause you're not like working on like trying to activate. Because when you're wearing high waist pants, you have a feedback of like something's pushing on your stomach. Right? Oh, so you instinctively kind of, you naturally kind of tighten your core a little bit, but when you're low-rise pants, you're free, all hang out, you're free. I mean, I'm not letting it all hang out, but I mean, I think you don't get that feedback of like, oh yeah, there's like, I should, there's a muscle in here that I should be thinking about. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I look at my waistline then, and I look at my waistline like post of like when I started wearing more high waisted, and I was like, oh, I understand. Granted also I was in high school versus like not exercising versus like when I am now. So like your body changes from exercise. But my mom would always say that and I was like, she was smart. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But yeah. And yeah, I'm looking at the fashion coming back with the gen that, um, gen Z, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and Gen Alpha, it's like the eighties with the colors. Nineties. It's definitely nineties. Is, it's our nineties. It's like Fresh Prince of Bel Air. There's like a trend from Fresh Prince of Bel Air to like, clueless is definitely like some of the looks from like my nineties. I was in Singapore where we all, oh yes. We all wore school uniforms. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's definitely like, I was like 90, the huge, there are, oh, there was a co, there was a brand called J and Co that was like huge, crazy baggy wide bottom pants. Yeah. Those are coming back. People are buying'em on eBay for like a thousand dollars. That's insane. For Genco. You know what? We should keep our, keep our clothes now keeping prime condition and then like maybe years from now, no clothes stays in prime condition. That's true. None of my clothes can stay in prime condition. I do not pay more than$30. I, I am banking on once my children can keep their food. On their plate and not on me that I can eventually buy nice clothes, better quality clothes, that's not gonna disintegrate and prevent co wash. Right now everything I buy is just whatever's on sale. Yeah. Yeah. I can't, like, I can't validate myself who like buy really, really, I'll buy occasionally really, really nice things where I know, hey, I'm gonna wear this on a date or a very special occasion. Mm-hmm. But otherwise I'm like, I'm not paying$30 for this t-shirt. I'm, I'm, I'm gonna, I need to find that$5 shirt. Let's, like, I, like I'm on Poshmark, like Goodwill. Like, I'm like, what can I get high value return? What's my return on investment for these clothing? Because it's going to get demolished. Mm-hmm. I get it now. The mama outfit. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. And I like have the, like I follow some influencers where they're like, I would never wear this. Like, we need to stop ranking. These are mom outfits. And I'm like. I get it. That's also, that's because you care about fashion trends and you care about like, and I'm like, I right now, and also a lot of'em all have older kids. Yeah. Or they have like nannies significant help, so I'm like, sorry, I, I get frozen blueberries stains on me all the time. Yeah. So all on my shirts have like all of my on the shoulders from t reaching over, grabbing me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All grease stained. Yep. Like just grease stained, just. So many stains. Mine is all from sesame oil. Very Korean household. Yeah. All right. I think that's a wrap. Yeah, that is a wrap. I mean, we could go on and on about what makes us feel old. Um, but we should stop here in case it turns into a rent. Yes. And all of this is tongue in cheek. We know that we are not old. Yeah. Age is relative. And when we are 50, we're gonna look back and we're like, we were so young. Yeah. Look at my glowing skin. Then yeah, every large age gap, you're like, dang, I looked great back then, but like also. It helps to commiserate while you're in it. But Joyce, I do think you look great. Thank you. Yeah, likewise. Yeah. Do I look 21? No, but you do look 30. I'm, I'm not gonna, I'm still honest. Oh wow. You know what? Put on some pigtails and wear a USC sweatshirt and. No, I can never, I can never, I recently went back to my school, um, because oh my gosh, that's where I meet my best friend, one of my best friends for dinner. And I was like, sorry, I don't, I don't blend in anymore. No. I used to be able to just like blend right in with the college students. We, because the college students look. Like they're 12. Yeah. To, to my eyes. To my eyes and we look old to them. Yeah. They know. Yeah, they can see. the best I can pass out for is one of those like grad students from China with the family. Who comes with the family? We, we are PhD students. PhD students. We're PhD students. Those are always the old students. That, that's that. Yeah. I can blend in then. That's okay. That's okay. We blend in with all of our other mom communities at least. Yeah, we blend in. All right. All right. uh, let's wrap up in prayer. Let's pray. Okay. Um, God, thank you so much for the gift of laughter. Uh, for the gift of humor and for just being able to commiserate and for community Lord. Um, as much as we know that motherhood is such a gift and a blessing, it is also. A gift to be able to be real and to accept the current state that we are in now, which is just a really tough season. I pray for the mothers that are listening. I pray that as they are going through their tough seasons, that Lord, that you'll find ways to lift them up, that if their bodies are aching and they're feeling like they're feeling a little old, that it's okay to just feel that way. And also to remember that you are blessing them and that they are being sanctified and that the gift of motherhood is beyond just our achy joints. Um, so God, as we move forward with our day or night, um, whenever we're all listening to this, I just pray that you'll bless the rest of our time, and I just pray that the next time we hold our child, despite the fatigue and aching, that God that you just reminded us and whisper in our ears. That you are working on something so much bigger than we could ever imagine. Lord, we thank you so much and in your name we pray, amen. Amen. Bye ama. Bye.

Speaker 4: 48:44

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