Season 2, Ep 7: Creating Routines, and Why Costco Counts as a Big Activity

Already burned out this week and it's only Tuesday? 

In this episode, we're sharing why developing a routine has been so important for us and our family— what our days and weeks actually look like as mothers of young children, and why we've both had to rethink our expectations for motherhood.

From quiet time and Costco runs to homeschool, cleaning, meal planning, and protecting family rest, we're talking honestly about what has worked and what hasn't.

We discuss:

•  Why "one activity a day" became a game-changing rule 
•  Building rest into the week 
•  Creating routines that serve your family instead of controlling it 
•  Managing overstimulation and mom burnout 
•  Protecting quiet time with young children 
•  The simple childhood memories that matter most 

If you've ever felt overwhelmed trying to do all the things, this episode is for you.

We want to get to know our Ummas! You can find Sophia and Joyce: 

Instagram: @theoldummaclub

Email: theoldummaclub@gmail.com

Music credits:
"Life of Riley" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Transcript

0:02

Hey, Ummas. Welcome to The Old Umma Club. I'm Joyce. And I'm Sophia. We are two friends in Los Angeles who had so many great coffee chats about our love for Jesus, being Korean in biracial marriages, and having kids mid-career, mid-30s. So we decided to turn it into a podcast. So grab a cup of coffee and join our conversations about aching backs, motherhood, marriage, Jesus, and everything in between. You ready? Let's go. Let's go.

Sophia 0:36

Hi. ummas

Joyce 0:37

Hey, ummas

Sophia 0:39

Today's episode, we are gonna talk about routines, so let's get straight into it. Routines, yes or no choice.

Joyce 0:45

yes, as well as I can ish. I'm probably a little type C about my routines.

Sophia 0:52

Can you describe what Type C is for those who don't?

Joyce 0:56

Okay. So it depends on how some people describe it, but there's type C as in like you might be a type A in some categories, or you might be a type B in other categories and you can kind of oscillate versus being adherent to one type and being like I'm Type A in all aspects of my life, which I feel like is feasible when you don't have kids.

Sophia 1:15

Mm-hmm.

Joyce 1:15

But then once you have kids, if you're Type A, you're kind of forced to have to loosen up a little bit and like be a little. Less structured in some aspects. And if you're type B, you're realizing that you have to push forward and create some level of type aness about yourself. You can't really just be one type when it comes to kids. So I'm Type C

Sophia 1:38

Okay, but

Joyce 1:39

And

Sophia 1:40

before kids were you A type B.

Joyce 1:43

no, before kids I was hard Type A.

Sophia 1:48

Okay.

Joyce 1:48

Yeah. And I think it's also because background, before I had kids, I was a operational manager director, so I used to overlook three, four clinics. And then I also manage my own clinic. and I also taught on a residency and fellowship level for pt. So I had no room for type B. Only time I was type B was when I was on vacation. I like did not. Care what we did when I was on vacation,

Sophia 2:17

Yeah.

Joyce 2:18

otherwise, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Sophia 2:22

type B I loved my freedom and I never really had much structure. Like I woke up at different times every day. I went to bed at different times every day. there was not much of a rigidity in my structure in my days, even on work days. But after having kids, I become type A, Not even type C, type A. So yes, my answer is yes to routines. Absolutely. Yes. Um, but also, as well as I can, just like you, Joyce.

Joyce 2:49

Yeah. You try your best and then you know it's kids, so it's like, sure, you can have a routine and a schedule done for the day and a kid just says, Nope.

Sophia 2:59

Yeah. as aspirational goal

Joyce 3:03

Yeah.

Sophia 3:04

like striving for some sort of structure and regular consistent rhythm in your home and letting help break loose when they have to.

Joyce 3:13

Yeah, exactly. And that's where like the type B is coming in. You're kind of like, you do what you best what you can. You let go where you can and you hold on tight to what you need to. That is like absolutes and you kind of figure it out when you have a routine, it also, I feel like it's important or it's very helpful because it takes away a lot of bandwidth. 'cause you're not all constantly thinking, what are we gonna do today? What are we gonna do next? What do we do? Everyone kind of knows the rhythm of the day

Sophia 3:41

Right.

Joyce 3:42

of the expected hour to hour Even the kids, the kids kind of understand a general. Rhythm of wake up breakfast, whatever to expect. You expect breakfast and all that stuff. And they kind of understand that schedule and it helps create safety for them, right? And it's just a little more relief as the primary parent of like having to think less. And the more you can take away off your shoulders, the better. So why not create like a regularity to it?

Sophia 4:11

Yeah. Routines benefit everybody in the household. The

Joyce 4:14

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 4:14

have less decisions to make

Joyce 4:16

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 4:17

almost can kind of go on autopilot mode

Joyce 4:19

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 4:20

for a bit. and then the kids who also might have less of a struggle with transitions because they know what's coming.

Joyce 4:26

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 4:26

Mm-hmm.

Joyce 4:27

or if you have a neurodivergent kid or you have a high anxious kid, the routines are going to be what saves you because There's less anxiety and there's greater level of expectation and structure. And the more they have structure and the more they have understanding of what to expect almost on our hour to hour rhythm, then it's going to help you, right? Like it's gonna help your kiddo to feel less anxious in a day, to feel less anxious almost hour by hour, because they don't have to worry constantly think what's next? What's next? What's next? They can just understand what to expect.

Sophia 4:59

Yeah.

Joyce 5:00

and that was really tough for us. when our routines were like super chaotic the last couple months leading up to delivery and then having Owen in the NICU and all that. I just remember we were seeing such a larger uptick of behaviors from Kian who is our, more sensory sensitive high anxious kid, and I just remember we had a parent consult with a therapist and he's like, you need to really drive up the routines. you need to be driving in every, like any routine that you can do it, creating a rhythm anywhere you can, so you can kind of take away some of his anxiety. So we had to like really dial in hard routines to help with those transitions,

Sophia 5:40

Yeah. And personally as a mother, I really crave the routines it seems to give some sort of other

Joyce 5:47

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 5:48

my very disordered life

Joyce 5:50

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 5:51

young kids, your life is gonna be chaos, but my challenge is am a perfectionist. I might not have been very structured before I became a mother with my schedules, but, I was a perfectionist in terms of what my output is, So my struggle with creating routine is to not make it a checklist for productivity.

Joyce 6:13

Mm.

Sophia 6:14

I struggle when we are not able to the routine set I set up in my house because the routines for me also concurrently. some sort of productivity thing, whether

Joyce 6:28

Mm.

Sophia 6:28

my kids, homeschooling them, or like making sure they've got their outdoor time because I heard that that's so good for the kids, or making sure that they are helping me in the kitchen so that I, you know, foster responsibility and independence. Like, it's not just a freedom of life. It's something that I'm trying to instill in my kids it looks good, but also it can work against me because I get frustrated when my routines are broken up because then I feel like, my kids are not being formed the way I want them to be formed.

Joyce 7:02

That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself.

Sophia 7:04

I love putting pressure on myself. That's my thing. I love

Joyce 7:09

I don't,

Sophia 7:10

on

Joyce 7:10

I don't.

Sophia 7:11

and I love putting pressure on everybody else.

Joyce 7:14

To be fair. she does a great job at putting pressure on me to make sure our podcast is constantly moving. Uh, when are we going to record? Uh, yes. That is, that is important. Yes, you are true.

Sophia 7:25

to put the pressure on. Oh, everyone's just

Joyce 7:27

When are, what are we gonna talk about? Mm, yes. That is a good idea. Sophia. As you can see, my Type A went out the door when I had kids. I was like, wow. Goodbye.

Sophia 7:38

you know, it's a double-edged sword, uh, routines for me at least. it brings out my strengths and it brings out my weaknesses. I always have to try to keep all of those things in balance, knowing where it can get disordered, and then knowing where it can lead to really good things.

Joyce 7:57

I think I used to have that level of. Tightness and high level structuredness to my routines when I first became stay at home parent. part of it was because going from working 50 hours a week to suddenly not working and like at working in a clinic where it's like you're constantly moving, It's not even like you're ever just sitting down. I'm seeing a patient, I'm working with a patient, I'm on a meeting. Like, go, go, go, go, go. So it's a very different pace. So that, pace kind of carried forward for probably the first year of me being a stay at home mom. And I started burning out really fast and I was so hard on myself and I was beating myself up and then I was like realizing, I'm like, this is not. Realistic for me, and it's not a viable way for me to live my life right now. and no one's feeling it more than just me. It's just me that's dying. No one else is dying. It's just me. why am I doing this to myself? This is not worth it. So then I've, it has evolved a lot. and then by the time it's evolved, I had another kid and so else was like,

Sophia 9:02

Yeah.

Joyce 9:03

know what's going on.

Sophia 9:04

the thing about creating routines is that you have a plan then it has to evolve. It has to be

Joyce 9:10

Yeah.

Sophia 9:11

because real life might not up with your

Joyce 9:14

Right.

Sophia 9:15

plans of

Joyce 9:16

Yes.

Sophia 9:17

beautiful routine where you know, you create the most wonderful time for your kids. then, you just shave it down, shave it down, maybe start adding a little bit more, and then something happens like having a newborn and you just completely start from scratch again.

Joyce 9:31

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 9:31

that is the reality of having routines, in this season of life, is that it is constantly changing

Joyce 9:39

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 9:39

and you have to be open to that.

Joyce 9:43

from, what I gather from all of my friends who have kids who are older, it's constantly changing.

Sophia 9:47

Darn

Joyce 9:48

unless it depends on how you structure it, I guess. 'cause I watched my brothers and they both lived very different lives. My one brother, him and his family, they've high valued, ease. So they never wanted to feel rushed and feel like their schedule is so overly packed with activities that they like. They're kind of under stress.

Sophia 10:09

they

Joyce 10:10

My

Sophia 10:11

relax. A

Joyce 10:12

Yeah. Kind of. yeah, just being able to have a level of comfort. and then my other brother. their kids are like in all these activities and they never see each other and everyone's going from one place. And I remember I had my niece and she, I would take her, she couldn't be breakfast in the morning 'cause we had to go straight to her violin practice. And then, then she would eat her breakfast on the way to her gymnastics class. And then it was like on opposite ends of the Bay Area. So I'm like driving north and they had to drive all the way south. And then she was telling me, yeah, we usually stop at the coffee op, like, and I eat like a donut. And I was like, you eat a donut before gymnastics? What? What? So it's like, and then you have the other side of the spectrum where your routines almost take over your life So I've seen both ends where I'm like, oh, interesting. And it just depends on what you value and what your goal is.

Sophia 11:02

that is so interesting. Okay, so this is the episode I would love to listen to in other podcasts and because I am always interested in knowing what people do, in a day especially for like stay at home parents, how your routine is like in a day and a week and a month. Because I'm just curious because I think it reveals a lot about like you mentioned, family values, personal values, and also what. priorities are in terms of raising their kids. I feel like it reveals a lot, and I'm always curious to learn what is your day like, what is your week like?

Joyce 11:39

Yeah, I mean, so let's see. for me, the way I kind of structure a routine is that I kind of dictate each day as a goal. So our rhythms are kind of based on what is the goal for the day and kind of based on each other. So I usually have like, I'm like, okay, one day this week I want us to get out of the house. Another day we have to go grocery shopping another day. I want it to just be like an arts and crafts kind of day. Another day we're gonna get just rest and be home and just kind of learn to just be

Sophia 12:11

mm-hmm.

Joyce 12:11

and just kind of figure out those rhythms. And I usually try to dictate it by a day, but most often it's kind of fluid as to what days. my ultimate goal is really like I create these routines. that kind of helps also my oldest understand what to expect in a day. So that helps, because then he's not arguing with me about what to do, but he understands what the goal is of the day. What to expect the next morning and the routine and Tyler and I are pretty, aligned in where we value rest and we value calm as well. So we've always kind of in the people where we always do something the morning and then second half of the day is always our low key routine where we just kind of lay low for the rest of the day. we'll do outside time or whatever, um, screen time if we're wanting to do screen time 'cause I need it 'cause I'm too tired so that's kind of how we split up our routine and the way we set up our time of the week. but you know, it kind of just depends on how we do it too. So I usually have like a craft, a groceries, an outing, a down low rest day. And then we have days before appointments too. And so that kind of always throws things off too. So kind of just depends.

Sophia 13:24

what would you say your goals when you're creating routine is? What are your goals?

Joyce 13:30

so yeah, the ultimate goal, I think for us, the routine is, having a routine allows us to feel a little more relaxed. And the way I look at it's, I don't want our days to feel overly packed, and I want us to have a little bit of freedom to breathe. Um, especially with having a kiddo who's a little bit more sensory sensitive and overstimulation sensitive, if we have a day that's overly packed, negatively affects not only him, but our entire family. It has like a hard impact.

Sophia 14:03

Mm-hmm.

Joyce 14:04

I try to have one activity or one thing that's like there that I know is gonna be a pretty strong stimulus and then I use the rest of the day to kind of gauge how that. Impacted him and then also how that's gonna impact us. and then kind of let that dictate how we're gonna go with the rest of the day. And if we all still have more energy, then maybe we'll do a little more. If not, I'll base on how much regulation we need to do to kind of down regulate everything based on how he responds to that. So my overall goal is to kind of keep things a little bit more predictable, but also kind of restful as well.

Sophia 14:43

Hmm.

Joyce 14:43

It's more of just helping create a level of predictability so that our, kiddo, my oldest particularly, is able to kind of transition from one day to another with less anxiety.

Sophia 14:54

Yeah.

Joyce 14:54

and that's how I run my day. This is where it's type B. that way I know what to think about and then I just kind of go with it, and then once I hit that, I'm like, we did the thing that we need to do for the day. Let's rest. popsicles? Everyone want popsicles? All right, let's all eat popsicles and lay down. All right. What about you? how do you create your routines? Like what is the ultimate goal for you?

Sophia 15:18

Yeah. I have to say that, as I became a stay at home mother that was kind of around the time when I started becoming a lot more intentional or thinking more intentionally about how I want to parent my children. and it was also around, around the time when I seriously considered homeschooling my children in the near future. so all of that meant that I had quite a lofty goal. it came to creating a routine for my kids it was to create the most beautiful childhood my kids. I was thinking, I really wanna work on habit formation. forming your habits through life, like, having daily responsibilities, learning focus of attention, learning how to contribute, learning how to, be gentle and kind to each other, like those kind of habit formation was something that I really about. And then also creating an environment in the house that is lovely. I wanted them when they grow up to have a memory of childhood, of it being, having just an atmosphere of lovingness and then shaping their interests and their loves. and part of it's selfishly like really wanting to instill a lot of learning and reading so that I can nerd it out with them as they grow older. and all of those were very good goals, but what I forgot was myself, I kind of was more focused on what is good for my kids and I missed out on what also is good for me as a mother.

Joyce 16:54

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 16:55

so my ideal routine had to really kind of shift. as I realized how seriously I need to deal with my mom rage because all of those things were coming from physical and mental exhaustion.

Joyce 17:08

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 17:08

and through therapy. That's something that I've been working on. It's like, how can I work on prevention? And one of the things is that I really do need to kind of clock in and clock out throughout the day so that I have like periods of rest. And I realized that even my quote unquote rest moments was not restful because I was trying to turn that into some sort of productivity, where I'm listening to an educational podcast while I am baking. chicken pot pie from scratch like those were my rest moments.

Joyce 17:38

That sounds so overstimulating already.

Sophia 17:41

those things were, very restful moments for me when I didn't have kids.

Joyce 17:46

right,

Sophia 17:47

Like being

Joyce 17:47

When you had space and time.

Sophia 17:48

a podcast. Yes, you have the silence to be able to listen to a podcast and just do some manual labor of rolling out dough and crumbling butter into flour and all of that. Those things were so relaxing. But then with kids, it is like a typical day before was like, I would homeschool my kids, well homeschool 12 very lightly, but it's always like, 'cause he's three, a five minute thing turns into a 15 minute thing. And then because I'm working off habit formation. Trying to get him to do three simple chores turned into a hour thing, and it was just like, it was constant brushing up against conflict after conflict. But then at the same time, I had all these things planned, oh, we need to go to the botanic garden and then we need to go to Costco, and then we need to come back home and we need to bake, bread, and then we need to cook, and then we need to do laundry. And then we need like, like there

Joyce 18:43

My heart rate went, I got my, I had literal palpitations. My heart, I, it skipped a couple beats. I was like hearing that. I was like, oh,

Sophia 18:53

I know, but in my mind that wasn't a lot because I forgot to put in intervals of lots of disruptions and interruptions. And

Joyce 19:05

Yeah.

Sophia 19:05

the kids, it's like just trying to get them out the door takes forever. And I can physically drag them, but that's not how I want to do things. because again, I want to focus on habit formation where they, they learn obedience and the learn responsibility and just dragging them of the door and then putting all the clothes for them, that's not gonna work. And then also my goal of creating a lovely environment was being tossed out the door because of all my intentions of creating this loveliness, everything was just topsy turvy and just so contradictory to all my plans and my expectations and my ideal. The reality was just a slap in the face. so I've

Joyce 19:51

it's a harsh reality.

Sophia 19:52

Yeah. So what I'm learning that, okay, you don't need, okay. I didn't think that Costco was a big activity, but I realized

Joyce 19:58

Girl.

Sophia 19:59

is a

Joyce 20:00

It's a huge activity.

Sophia 20:02

activity of

Joyce 20:03

Yeah. That's our Thursday activity.

Sophia 20:06

okay,

Joyce 20:07

it.

Sophia 20:07

That's your thirsty activity.

Joyce 20:08

our Thursday, and then we go home. I do nothing

Sophia 20:11

And I used to go to Botanic Garden where I have to pack

Joyce 20:14

after Costco.

Sophia 20:15

and then go to Costco

Joyce 20:17

Oh.

Sophia 20:17

way, because I'm like, save gas money, right? And save time. But I,

Joyce 20:23

Oh my gosh.

Sophia 20:24

Costco is, uh, I, but the thing again, I loved going to Costco before I had kids, First of all, unloading from the cart to the car and then getting home and then unloading from the car to the house and then unpacking all the fruit, washing them, packing them because they don't fit in my fridge. And then like, putting everything in its proper places because the clu is driving me crazy while the kids are going crazy. And then it's like, oh shoot, it's like 1 30, 1 45 and it's like nap time. And this constant feeling of rush.

Joyce 20:57

Yeah. I hate feeling rushed, which is why my days are so they're made so that I don't ever feel like I'm rushed,

Sophia 21:05

wise one. I, I just

Joyce 21:07

but I am also four and a half years into this, so I have a few more years on you of being a, full-time, stay at home parent.

Sophia 21:15

Right. Me being a eager beaver, stay at home parent, like with all these ideas. Right.

Joyce 21:20

That's what happens when you first start. You're like, I have these goals, and then.

Sophia 21:24

And they sound simple and they

Joyce 21:26

Until you put them in.

Sophia 21:29

Right. And then at the fact that I'm pregnant and I mean, URI is not a baby anymore. It was very different when Uri was a baby who just like, she's just

Joyce 21:38

they're a blob. Yeah, they're just there.

Sophia 21:40

N

Joyce 21:41

Really great.

Sophia 21:41

they actually fight like,

Joyce 21:43

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 21:43

hits him, he hits her. Anyway, like the number of disruptions with kids crying because one was a little rough with the other, you just like, Hey, I'm chopping onions. I'm crying because I'm chopping onions and now I'm crying because you guys are driving me nuts. so all that to say, I realized my utter foolishness. And I realized like I'm not building true rest into my day. and the irony is that by trying to create this beautiful, wonderful childhood for my kids, by then neglecting my own

Joyce 22:18

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 22:19

my own needs, I was the source of tension and stress. And the one who's rubbing poop all over my beautiful artwork a, of a routine.

Joyce 22:33

I mean, it's a beautiful goal and I totally get it 'cause I have the same desires. but I think that's where sometimes the danger comes from chasing this feeling and this ideal I think sometimes what we as adults, we have an idea of what loveliness looks like, what kind of like these child experiences. But I like looked through the eyes of a child and I looked back through the eyes of my own childhood and I was like, my favorite memories were the pretty simple memories I had at home. Like those are the memories Like playing with my brothers, having a laughing moment and like when I like really think about what those moments were like it kind of helped me go. Okay. 'cause I used to be where I was like, we do all the things. I want him to have this whole well-rounded experience. We could go to all the museums. And then I was like, why do I feel like gouging a spear through my eyeball? And it is only Wednesday and I'm like. Why, and I'm like, it's 'cause I'm doing too much. Why am I trying to kill myself for the thing my child is not gonna remember?

Sophia 23:38

Yeah. When I think back to my childhood, one of my favorite memories. playing with my siblings in the drain,

Joyce 23:45

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 23:48

leaves, and then using huge sticks to make a soup

Joyce 23:51

Girl, you sound like your kids now. I know where TOV gets it.

Sophia 23:55

I think yes to loves doing all that, all of

Joyce 23:57

Yeah.

Sophia 23:58

Um, but that was my favorite memory. and also having tons of snacks at midnight during sleepovers,

Joyce 24:03

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:04

also another favorite, memory of mine.

Joyce 24:06

Yes. I get it completely.

Sophia 24:08

so my goal has shifted. I mean, no, my goal has not shifted. My goal has actually expanded because

Joyce 24:14

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:15

goal of habit formation, creating a good environment for my kids, and also helping shape their loves and interests. That's still a go, but I'm adding that also Rest.

Joyce 24:27

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:27

And peace.

Joyce 24:28

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:29

now day is like, I only have one big activity in a day. Going to Costco equals one big activity. I'm not

Joyce 24:36

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:36

more. If I'm going to Costco and then going to Botanic Garden, that's also just one. that's the main meal of the day,

Joyce 24:44

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:45

Or having a play date or something. and then in the middle of the day, no longer am on my feet. at least, I try, I try not to be on my feet. during nap time.

Joyce 24:55

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:56

Uri goes down for a nap, that's my quiet time.

Joyce 24:59

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 24:59

And Tov doesn't nap, but he's with me It is still a struggle trying to get through quiet time with tov

Joyce 25:09

It'll happen.

Sophia 25:10

he

Joyce 25:10

Ian's starting to just,

Sophia 25:12

Okay.

Joyce 25:12

starting to kind of figure it out and Ian's like, you know, a few months. I don't know how many months apart there. My brain is not mapping, but I would say

Sophia 25:22

nine months

Joyce 25:22

Kian is just now starting to kind of figure out the rhythm of our quiet time rhythms. So

Sophia 25:28

I've been trying to do this for quite sometime, but I also did hear that four years old is the

Joyce 25:33

I was like, you have to keep in mind age development. Right. So even if you're trying, it doesn't matter. Like at his age development, he's not gonna get it. So I would say like around, yeah,

Sophia 25:43

Mm-hmm.

Joyce 25:43

just now starting to, he knows when Ty goes down for his nap, Ian's like, okay, I wanna do this for my me time. And he's like figured out what to do for his me time.

Sophia 25:53

glorious.

Joyce 25:54

Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't, but I'm noticing it now. He understands that rhythm, so I'm like, okay. It's starting to happen.

Sophia 26:00

All

Joyce 26:00

Okay.

Sophia 26:01

There is hope for

Joyce 26:02

There's hope.

Sophia 26:03

Because also to is an an extraordinarily affectionate kid,

Joyce 26:09

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sophia 26:10

like always hands all over me, like loves giving me hugs, kisses. Like I love it. At the same time it's like, dude, you're too much. Like I feel like I'm

Joyce 26:19

It's overstimulating too.

Sophia 26:21

Exactly.

Joyce 26:22

Yes.

Sophia 26:23

but anyway, those quiet times, I'm really protective of it now. And like, I don't even do laundry. I don't

Joyce 26:30

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 26:30

I don't do anything. Like I even make my second cup of coffee before she goes down for a nap so that I don't waste precious time

Joyce 26:39

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 26:39

latte cappuccino. And so that's a time when I really try to sit and something that is not physically active because

Joyce 26:49

Good. I'm glad. also, you're pregnant. You're pregnant. Literally, you have a human life pushing down on your legs. It's like a lot of pressure.

Sophia 26:59

It is. Yeah. My back is feeling it. My

Joyce 27:02

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 27:02

are feeling it. so that's something that I have been adding to my routine and it's working really well. I'm actually seeing myself way more regulated

Joyce 27:13

Mm-hmm. That's great.

Sophia 27:14

and the biggest change I made was protecting that one and a half to two hour

Joyce 27:19

Yeah. Sacred.

Sophia 27:20

the middle of the day.

Joyce 27:21

Yes. Sacred. when Kian was at school, I would put Tyke down for his nap. And that was like a sacred time. Like I sat down and I did nothing. Maybe I responded to text messages, but I would just sit or lay down and did nothing. And I was like, oh, like, you know, maybe I worked or maybe I like did some typing or whatever, or did some content. But it's like it's whatever I chose that I thought was gonna be restful and restorative in that moment for me. And then just like valued and protected that. And it's so important. And like when you lose that, you can feel it. there's a tension that carries in to the end of the day. 'cause you don't get a reset button, right?

Sophia 28:02

Yes. Investing in yourself is investing in your children.

Joyce 28:06

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 28:06

So that's something that I really learned and am actively implementing, and things are a lot better now.

Joyce 28:14

Yeah.

Sophia 28:15

so you mentioned that Thursday is your Costco Day.

Joyce 28:19

Yeah. Typically it's our Costco day. 'cause from all of my experiences, Thursday morning is the best day for Costco.

Sophia 28:24

I see. this

Joyce 28:27

it has experie. I was like, Thursdays, Thursdays are the days. People are happier on Thursdays. I don't know why, I think, 'cause it's so close to Friday, people are like, oh, I'd rather just go grocery shopping on Friday or Saturday. They don't think of Thursday as the grocery. People like to go in the middle of the week on Wednesday. So Thursdays are my grocery day. If we have a outing, I typically like to have Wednesdays as my outing typically, but I kind of figure that out. Mondays I always have as our slow day.

Sophia 28:53

Okay. Okay.

Joyce 28:54

unless our friends reach out and ask like, Hey, let's do a play date and then I'll switch it. But here's the thing, I said earlier, I really value, not feeling rushed. I also really value rest and I want our kids to understand rest, that if I know we have a play date. And I have Costco. Then I try to organize the week to sandwich rest on those busy days so that it's not just rush, rush, rush or activity, activity, activity. It's like I really truly look at the week and try to think about, okay, like let's kind of figure that out, because. It's just hard. Like if we had a really fun day and it's fun, but it's exhausting,

Sophia 29:37

Yeah.

Joyce 29:37

going to carry over into the next day and then to fill it up with another hype stimulating activity, then my kids and myself we're kind of running on empty. So I really try to be mindful about like how restorative are these days to them as well. Because being bored is a beautiful thing and having downtime is a beautiful thing. and I don't want our kids to always feel like their days have to be filled with something for it to be a successful day. so yeah, how I structure the week is based on like, what do we have going on this week? Is it a crazy week? Okay, well what days can I really put in where we just kind of hang out at the house? And just do low key things. And I'll have arts and crafts or cry because I have nothing to do for the kids, and the kids are going chaotic, but you know, we're at home and we're just kind of laying low in that way. and we have thankfully, a really nice driveway community of our friends. so usually post nap or post school. it's like my kids, the townhouse right across from us. They have her daughter and then, sometimes another family where they have two little girls, they'll join and the kids are just in the driveway, like our janky urban driveway, gravel, running in circles, but having fun and then it kind of leads right into dinner. so that's been a really nice rhythm to kind of have where I'm like, I can bank on that where I'm like, even if we didn't do anything in the morning. I can bank on that post nap time routine for the kids to get some sort of

Sophia 31:10

Activity. Yeah.

Joyce 31:11

yeah, But day to day wise, what the day actually looks like for me, I would say our routines changed a lot once I had Owen. But Tyler handles the morning completely, at least for the boys. So, and that has just been kind of a thing that has been understood until, this is probably also why I'm holding out, I'm putting Owen into the other boys' room. 'cause once I put Owen into the boys' room, the monitor comes to my side of the bed.

Sophia 31:36

Uh,

Joyce 31:39

I've really been loving the monitor beam

Sophia 31:42

yeah.

Joyce 31:43

on the side of the bed. in all honesty, Owen is the one who sleeps through the night. The other two are not. So I'm like, let's keep the baby that sleeps through the night as my responsibility right next to me. Tyler, you can have. The other ones that wake up at five o'clock in the morning and I am sleeping. I deserve this. so Tyler actually handles the entire morning with like the other two. So they wake up, he wakes up and he has a workout, but they wake up, I send him to him. I'm like, your dad's working out at the gym. Go, uh, downstairs to your dad. And then, Tyler will make breakfast for the whole family. And so then I wake up, I'll feed Owen so that's been nice just to have a slow morning. 'cause before, having our third kid, I was just, it was chaotic in the mornings. I was like rushing feeding Ty and then like, I'm like rushing down and like taking ke into school and all these. and then finally the one day Tyler was like, maybe I should take ke into school. I was like, yes, you should, so the morning is all handled by Tyler and then I handle the rest of the day and depending on what the activity is, you know, if it's just a rest day at home, then I'll kind of like brainstorm in my mind as I'm eating breakfast, like what we're gonna do for a craft of the day. Um, a very loose idea, like

Sophia 32:56

the day off?

Joyce 32:58

Yep, that's how Typey

Sophia 33:00

Yes.

Joyce 33:01

what I was like, I, that's what I mean by I was like, they are general themes. And on the day I'm like,

Sophia 33:07

And

Joyce 33:07

like today,

Sophia 33:08

supplies at hand?

Joyce 33:09

yeah. I have an entire cart and shelves of crafts.

Sophia 33:15

Aus, where you're prepared for B moments?

Joyce 33:17

Yeah. I prepare. So that I don't have to struggle when it's time, So I do my best, like every time I go to Target, I always load up all my supplies for crafts because there are those days like today you and I were supposed to have our play date and then cancel. So I was like, all right. And so I happen to come upon a huge stack of brown paper bags and I was like, oh, I know what we're doing today. And it was thankfully a success. Ian locked in and just made paper bag, hand puppets all day.

Sophia 33:47

Oh wow.

Joyce 33:48

He was like making 'em all morning. He's a craft kid and Ty just wants to be outside. So I set up our station right by our screen door, so Kean is drawing and whatever. Owen's doing tummy time and Kean and Ty is just riding his bicycle outside on our deck, going back and forth Most of the time he's honestly sitting in his little plastic bike. Spying on our neighbors, and he's watching people. And I was like, you are just like your father. He just stares at everybody walking by and he's like clocking them. And I'm like, all right, all right. Stop. stop. Give people privacy. Give people privacy.

Sophia 34:23

a grandpa age two.

Joyce 34:25

yeah, I was like, you were so nosy. You were just like your dad.

Sophia 34:31

That's so funny Too cute.

Joyce 34:35

Yeah, a bright pink helmet on and he's just like, staring at. I was like, oh my gosh. So yeah, I wasn't joking when I say I have general ideas for the day, And like the morning of, I'm like, maybe we'll do like I think the reason why I do it the day of is because I can have high goals, but the morning of, if I had really bad sleep, I am not going to take the kids to the aquarium. I would rather. Shave my legs with the world's worst razor, and give myself razor bump, than to go to the aquarium. so the morning of I'm like, mm, uh, I have the energy for the indoor playground. Let's go to the indoor playground. Like, I don't have the energy for a park, the indoor playground is gated and y'all just go ham. And I don't have to observe for too much. Like it's very low energy output on my end. I also base what we're gonna do the day of based on how much output I could provide for the kids too. so I have general ideas of the structures. It's super fluid, what we do in between sometimes going so fluid backfires on me, but. Again, we have such a hard pat routine, starting from when Ty goes down from his nap all the way to dinner time.

Sophia 35:44

Yeah,

Joyce 35:44

usually saves me. Yeah.

Sophia 35:47

of sense. You wake up and you're like, where is my energy

Joyce 35:50

Yeah,

Sophia 35:51

What

Joyce 35:51

yeah,

Sophia 35:52

realistically provide?

Joyce 35:53

yeah.

Sophia 35:54

that's based on that.

Joyce 35:54

Yeah. If I can't even say the word aquarium 'cause I'm so tired in my head,

Sophia 35:59

be going to the

Joyce 36:00

I should not be going to aqua. if I can't imagine myself packing a stroller in the car to go to the park, I'm like, there's no in heck that, ah, I'm gonna be able to take that stroller out of the car.

Sophia 36:14

Yeah.

Joyce 36:14

So I'm pretty fluid in that sense of like, I'll have a general goal and then when I wake up in the morning, if I'm feeling like, alright, I'm ready to go, like, I'll do it. But if I am feeling like I'm gonna die today, then I'm like, no, we are not doing this. So I structure my day around my capacity for the day.

Sophia 36:36

That sounds very realistic and wise.

Joyce 36:40

But I think to be able to be that fluid also is because I've created kind of an entire environment that where I'm like,

Sophia 36:47

Like your craft,

Joyce 36:48

yeah, a craft. Yeah, we have an entire craft section. Like we have everything. Or that's why we have so many water tables. 'cause I'm like, go outside

Sophia 36:58

Yeah,

Joyce 36:58

throw paint outside. I don't care. that's why we have so many rolls of paper.

Sophia 37:03

for the unprepared days and you organize for the unorganized days.

Joyce 37:06

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 37:07

that sounds about right.

Joyce 37:09

Yes. Yes. What about you, Sophia? What?

Sophia 37:11

so I actually, every Sunday I write down a weekly plan.

Joyce 37:17

right. I remember you told me that. Yes.

Sophia 37:20

And then every night before bed, we have a blackboard in our kitchen and I write down the agenda for the next day.

Joyce 37:27

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 37:28

highlights.

Joyce 37:29

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 37:29

the reason is that, I like to be able to predict what the week is going to be like.

Joyce 37:34

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 37:35

and also writing on the blackboard for what to expect when my kids can't read,

Joyce 37:39

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sophia 37:42

clue David into what our day is because sometimes I feel like we live such separate lives.

Joyce 37:47

Yes.

Sophia 37:48

at home, it's like know what's going on with the

Joyce 37:51

Right. Right.

Sophia 37:52

kind of like to include him just even mentally knowing like, oh, today the kids are going to, Costco

Joyce 37:59

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 37:59

the kids are having a play date. just know where the kids are and

Joyce 38:03

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 38:04

very basic understanding of how their day is like. and again, the idea of having the week organized just helps me feel a little bit more secure in like. Knowing what to expect. but it doesn't mean that it actually goes the way I put on my weekly calendar. sometimes I wake up and like, I really do not have energy for this, or its too hot. I don't wanna go to the botanic garden and I will pivot. so Mondays are usually botanic garden days. or Costco Day, it's one

Joyce 38:34

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 38:35

no longer both. Um, Tuesday and Thursday is when 12 goes to school, and that's when, um, I just hang out with like and me time. we go to the library, we return books, pick up books, go run errands, do a lot of laundry, do a lot of housework and errands that, is harder to do with both kids in the house. Um, and I read a lot of books to her. it's very free flow. Wednesdays, we used to go to a Korean Children's ministry service, but I no longer do that. So Wednesdays are kind of open days where I plan Sunday, I will reach out to a friend or I just plan to take them to a park or sort of outdoor activity.

Joyce 39:21

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 39:21

and then Fridays we have a friend come over and we usually in the morning we have, some devotion time, takes up the whole morning. And then on a day-to-day basis, I try to work out in the morning between seven 30 and eight 30, and that's when David watches the kids, and then he goes Right to work at eight 30. usually I don't start my workout at seven 30, it's usually closer to eight o'clock. the kids will come and join me in our home gym, because David has to work at eight 30. And then I'll take a shower. Um, the kids are always next to me while I shower, and it is not my favorite, but, uh, as a mother you just have no privacy ever. Yeah, just take a shower, and then I unload the dishwasher and get the kids to help me, and then I make breakfast And then we usually start our quote unquote homeschool around nine 30. and it can last any time between like 20 minutes to an hour, depending on how many interruptions we have,

Joyce 40:23

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 40:24

a poopy diaper to change, or whether someone's crying or whether someone's not focusing. our homeschool is very basic. We do homeschool four times a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. and We read. children's bible while we are having breakfast, and then we go through letter sounds. Right now we're going through beginning sounds of each word. we do a very quick numbers game, discounting, practicing counting. And then we do like a page or two of a workbook. but this is very hit-and-miss. Tov is not much of a workbook guy. Sometimes he'll get into it, sometimes he won't. So it really depends on whether he's into it that day or not. I try not to force him And then we might read a book or two, and then I'll keep on reading for as long as the kids want me to. and then it's free play time. While I clean up and listen to a podcast devotion. that's kind of my devotion time though, I have to say. It's very, very

Joyce 41:21

Yes.

Sophia 41:22

I would remember a passage, but that's about it. I don't remember the whole thing because it's constantly being interrupted. And then between two and four is when Woody goes down for nap, and that's my quiet time. That's. Quite time for to that. I'm still trying to have him practice. And then once Uri wakes up, which is around 4:00 PM, then it's more free time. What I try to do is I try to get them out to play. That doesn't always work. Some kid cries and then comes coming in, or usually it's Uri who wants to be right next to me during that time, and then Tov comes running after her trying to drag her back, and then it's like a fight ensues that I need to deal with. So 4:00 to 5:00 is a little chaotic. And then I cook dinner around 5:00 while David bathes the children. We have dinner. both David and I clean up, and then we go out for a family walk usually, for about an hour. after that, it is, bedtime routine, and David is the one who reads to Tov, and then I read to Uri, and, I always sing her a song or two, and then I pop her right into bed. If I'm solo parenting, then I read about five books to Tov. I'm very generous with my reading time, because I really wanna foster a love of reading for my kids. and then we pray Psalm 23 or the Lord's Prayer, and then we cuddle for about five minutes, and that's our bedtime routine. Sundays are obviously a Sabbath Sunday is the day that I look forward to the most. 'cause I love going to church, but also I just love that David is around.

Joyce 42:58

Yeah.

Sophia 42:59

I love our family time, so Saturday and Sunday I really do try to protect our family time, where we just hang out as a family. And when the kids were very little, David and I set up a family value list and one of the top was that we protect Sunday Church at all costs. So that's gonna impact in the future what kind curricular activities my children will

Joyce 43:24

Yeah, totally.

Sophia 43:25

we are not, we're not gonna choose An activity that will take up Sunday church time. That's something that we really wanna protect and hold sacred because that something we want to teach our kids not out of a legalistic way, but know that this is important, and that God is important. Like This is the way that we wanna show that God is our ultimate priority in our life. and so if we have to sacrifice certain things for it, so be it. But one of our core values. So Sunday is a day for rest

Joyce 43:57

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 43:57

it's very minimal. we go to church, we come back, we, I don't cook that day.

Joyce 44:03

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 44:03

we usually get take out for lunch and then we go for a long family walk. late afternoon, and this is why I'm, it's this my favorite type.

Joyce 44:12

Yeah.

Sophia 44:12

I feel like it just captures all what I would love for the home life to be like. Yeah. So that's weekly and daily

Joyce 44:22

That's awesome. I will say Tyler and I, we live and die by our calendar. So there is a type A in that sense. So I don't write it down, but we're always kind of looking at our calendar, and we have a shared calendar so that he always knows what's happening. That's like a shared family thing. And then we have our personal calendars that he sees, we have many layers to our calendars. So there's a level of type A that is not shown.

Sophia 44:45

Yes. I, I have seen the type A part of

Joyce 44:47

Yes, yes. There is type A in me, but sometimes I value my rest so much that I'm like, hmm, things will shift accordingly. but yeah, I'll kind of look at our day or look at our week and see what we have scheduled already, like hard scheduled things like play dates or doctor's appointments. And then that's where I kind of am flux, where I put our week together of how we're gonna do it. Kian also has a little weekly calendar from love every, and this is like probably one of the biggest things that we've valued is it gives you a whole Monday through Sunday and they give you little magnets and they have a morning, afternoon, and nighttime or evening. So the magnets have little icons to represent whatever it is. I'm pretty inconsistent with it. 'cause sometimes if the week is so blank or like so loose, I don't really see the value of having him do it. But if I know it's gonna be kind of a busier week and I know there's a lot of things happening, then I'll have him pull out that calendar and I say, these are the days that we're doing this and what icons do you wanna do to represent this kind of stuff to help him understand. and like know what to expect, to help in that preparedness. But yeah, overall, I'll schedule our weeks based on what we already have scheduled and kind of work around that and make sure we have thoughtful, rest, intentional rest, like scheduled in throughout the week,

Sophia 46:03

Yeah.

Joyce 46:03

that we don't have to feel so rushed and tired with it.

Sophia 46:06

Yeah. That's

Joyce 46:07

Yeah.

Sophia 46:07

Oh, another thing that I forgot to mention is that, in my daily routine, I put in. Intervals where it's like a reset in terms of cleaning up the house.

Joyce 46:17

Mm.

Sophia 46:18

'cause

Joyce 46:18

Smart.

Sophia 46:19

mess. And I realize how much triggers my frustration and anger

Joyce 46:24

Oof. Feeling things on my feets.

Sophia 46:26

mess after mess. Because mess is piles out when you're not cleaning up.

Joyce 46:29

it overloads your brain and it adds a task. Right? So you're just like, oh my gosh, it stresses you out.

Sophia 46:35

you get so overwhelmed when you don't wanna clean up because it

Joyce 46:38

Yes,

Sophia 46:38

much. So

Joyce 46:39

yes.

Sophia 46:39

this reset moments built into my day. So it's like always after breakfast, there's a cleanup moment where I make the kids, clean up their toys and then it's, after lunch, when I also do a quick cleanup and then, have the kids also clean up their toys that everything's where they belong. And then it obviously becomes a mess. Very soon, but at least there's a reset button.

Joyce 47:01

Yeah.

Sophia 47:02

then after dinner, it's also a bigger cleanup. That's when I start vacuuming the whole

Joyce 47:06

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 47:07

just, you know, just pick up all the crumbs that were throughout the day, and wipe the counter and kind of like close down my kitchen

Joyce 47:15

Yeah, yeah.

Sophia 47:16

when I go to bed, it doesn't feel like there are 15 more tasks waiting for me in the morning.

Joyce 47:22

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 47:22

there's something that's like, whew, it's shut down, it closed, is reset. And I'm going to start tomorrow on a clean slate.

Joyce 47:31

Yeah. so on the Yoda, they have something called the tidy up timer, and it's Jake, who's like the daily podcast guy,

Sophia 47:39

Ah.

Joyce 47:40

he's like, all right, this is your tidy up timer. And it's just a countdown of five minutes.

Sophia 47:46

even know about

Joyce 47:47

oh yeah girl, it's, they have a toothbrush timer one. They have a lot of different timers that are very handy, so it's just a timer. Hello? Hello. Hello, this is Jake.

Sophia 47:56

Is he

Joyce 47:57

are everyone? He's British. He's uk. Hello. Hello. But oh, Jake, you're our guy. so he does the tidy up timer and it's just very simple and it's five minutes. So it's nice 'cause it's not me just like yelling, hurry up.

Sophia 48:13

Mm-hmm.

Joyce 48:14

or if I really just want a little bit more fun, Whitney Houston's, I want to dance with somebody. It's, I wanna diff Five minutes. That's a great song. Yeah. It's a five minute song. If anybody needs a fun dance song while they're cleaning up, that's five minutes long. That is a five minute song. So I'll play that song where I'm like, all right, let's clean up. And when we're done, it's just done. I was like, when the timer rings, whatever's left is left, but it kind of helps. Provide a boundary for the kids where it's not just this idea of oh, we're cleaning up for oh, like forever. It feels like forever. This is so boring. But they know that it's finite.

Sophia 48:50

Mm.

Joyce 48:50

a little bit of that, that sometimes helps. Not always, but I've been using that.

Sophia 48:55

That's

Joyce 48:56

It's a, tip for anybody who might need it.

Sophia 48:59

didn't know. I'm gonna use that. I'm gonna put that into my belt.

Joyce 49:01

and it kind of gets them understanding what five minutes is. Right. They start learning what the concept of five minutes is, is because they have that timer countdown.

Sophia 49:09

you're right. 12 things. Five minutes is five seconds.

Joyce 49:12

Right. Or they think it's five hours.

Sophia 49:14

Yeah. If it benefits him for it to be longer, it is five hours Yeah. Um. Another thing that I do is reset the atmosphere at the house. So

Joyce 49:25

Smart. Mm-hmm.

Sophia 49:26

I will always turn on very quiet music.

Joyce 49:30

Mm.

Sophia 49:30

I have YouTube premium and they have a lot of wonderful playlists

Joyce 49:35

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 49:36

Like they have a theme where it's like Parisian cafe on a summer or like, autumn morning crisp and refreshing. Like they have you, you'll find this on YouTube. It's amazing. They just pop up on my feed because I use them so much. I just click on whatever sounds good to me. charming, cozy fireplace kind of music

Joyce 49:55

Oh, I love it.

Sophia 49:56

completely just curate a whole classical

Joyce 49:59

Amazing.

Sophia 50:00

So I do that and then I also do that, time. Okay.

Joyce 50:04

Yeah.

Sophia 50:05

and then like around the time when we were about to go to a bed, just like set a atmosphere of

Joyce 50:12

Yes.

Sophia 50:13

helps.

Joyce 50:13

Oh, you just reminded me that Tyler and I just installed this, so we'll see how this goes. But we've just installed a dinner theme so that it's less bandwidth of like thinking about what we're gonna cook.

Sophia 50:24

mm.

Joyce 50:25

So basically created themes like Friday is always pizza night and then Sunday is always steak night that Tyler makes those meals. Tyler also makes most meals now ever since we had our third kid, which has been helpful too. Tyler's a good man. He's a good man babe. so Monday night is now our pasta night, so it's just a theme of like whatever, pasta Tuesday is kind of a wild card 'cause we have community group. Wednesday is our taco or burgers night. Thursday is our mandu night or Asian night.

Sophia 50:56

Oh,

Joyce 50:57

and Saturday we're gonna start playing with the idea of Ian starting to cook a thorough recipe.

Sophia 51:02

what?

Joyce 51:03

Yeah. So it's gonna be very simple, but Ian can make oatmeal in the instant pot. he knows the ingredients, he knows all that stuff. He just doesn't know like how much to pour and all that, 'cause he has to know fractions, so that's gonna take time, yeah. I listen to it alpaca, so like, don't mom alone This one mom, she actually has whole courses of basically empowering your kids to be able to be more independent and she teaches parents how to help the kid, but also like It's more of just like real life skills, how to change your oil, how to do a tire change, And she like has it from as very little to teens. basically like so many kids are so focused on academics nowadays, they don't have real life skills. And so her whole thing is more of just like being able to create independent kids and like chores. She talks about how she does chores for her kids and one, how they do like Cho at tasking and how she makes the age appropriate and how they hold do it. So it's very interesting. It was a really good episode. I should probably find that and we can add that in the show notes if I need to find it. Um. But she talked about cooking and I loved how she broke it down. And so I was like, I really wanna try that key's at an appropriate age where he can really start trying that. I'm not, you know, like there's all those like Instagrams where like they have like, their kids have their own full functional kitchen and they're doing the whole Yeah. And I was like, I love that idea. It's not realistic for our family. But Tyler and I were like, all right, let's try it. Saturdays Ian will be cooking with us and he's gonna start learning to cook through a recipe. And it's gonna be a very simple recipe.

Sophia 52:34

we'll come over on Saturday

Joyce 52:36

yeah,

Sophia 52:37

since

Joyce 52:37

I.

Sophia 52:37

night.

Joyce 52:38

Yes. Tyler's starting. He's starting to go. He's getting good. So if you guys come over, we'll just like, I'll go to Costco on Thursday and then Bye.

Sophia 52:47

And Sunday is the day I don't cook.

Joyce 52:50

Perfect. So you should come over. We'll have Tyler Cook for you.

Sophia 52:53

gonna be built a weekly

Joyce 52:55

Yes.

Sophia 52:56

The Lee Hermans go to the Haws.

Joyce 52:59

Done. So. Yeah, so, We just talked about it and I suggested it Tyler Tyler's like, all right, let's try it. Ian's like old enough now and he's definitely afraid of getting hurt. So I was like, all right, perfect. I think those two things go well together.

Sophia 53:12

so

Joyce 53:12

Yes,

Sophia 53:13

He's

Joyce 53:13

yes.

Sophia 53:14

fingers.

Joyce 53:15

Yeah. So yeah, that's ultimately like the routines that we've got.

Sophia 53:19

very exciting. Keep me updated on

Joyce 53:21

Yeah.

Sophia 53:22

with Ian.

Joyce 53:24

Yeah. I'll let you know.

Sophia 53:25

to do that with 12, All right, What do you think we can still work on in terms of creating a routine? Like I'm sure it's not. Perfect right now,

Joyce 53:33

No, I mean, the things that are constantly in the back of my head is routines for my own self. So it's more finding a more consistent routine with exercise, finding a more consistent routine with prayer. 'cause the kids know to pray. We do prayer at the end of the night, but I mean. I love like how you're so intentional about with your kids, about the devotion kind of Bible reading time and we do that at the end of the day for the kids. But I also want to build that more into the daytime. like Ian knows, like when we get in the car, we do a devotional, but like some days we don't get in a car and that shouldn't be it.

Sophia 54:04

So I do this during breakfast. And I have them memorize, I mean, not Woody, but tov has memorized a bunch of scriptures

Joyce 54:13

yeah. Yeah,

Sophia 54:13

the small verse, like tiny verse day.

Joyce 54:18

I think my would have to be sometime after breakfast because Tyler has breakfast and the boys wake up. By the time I get there, they're often done eating breakfast because I wake up a little later and I have Owen. So it's like our schedules are all staggered. That's also the reason why Tyler handles breakfast is 'cause he's up with them. At like six o'clock in the morning, and for him to wait until I wake up to handle breakfast just didn't make sense to us.

Sophia 54:44

during lunch.

Joyce 54:45

Yeah. So I think it's more finding a better rhythm of what's realistic for us? And probably lunch would be best.

Sophia 54:52

that's hard is like adding routine because you already have this habitual. Rhythm to your life and adding something new really hard. unless you're super intentionally thoughtful about it, you

Joyce 55:04

Yeah.

Sophia 55:04

you just kind of have to add it, not as a new thing, but build it into your preexisting rhythm.

Joyce 55:10

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 55:10

why I'm suggesting breakfast or lunch.

Joyce 55:13

Yeah, breakfast is hard, but I think lunch would be a realistic thing for us. Like just playing it, listening to a devotional. Kian loves the Kids Dwell app too, And he always surprises me with how much he actually listens and he'll like reiterate it later on and always surprises me.

Sophia 55:29

Mm.

Joyce 55:29

So those are like things where I've been like thinking in the back of my head. I'm like, oh, I need to find a better rhythm with that.

Sophia 55:35

Yeah.

Joyce 55:36

our pastor had talked about, it was the episode that you had sent me where he talked about what he and his wife do for, their kids' faith. I remember in there he talked about how his wife every day gave him a, like a spiral note cards and like, it was listed number from one to 31 and each day, and each number is representing a day of the month. And on the back of the card it was What to pray for over your kids. He's like, every day, every first of the month, I am always praying for over my children's faith And so I was like, oh. I started making a list and then I honestly, 31 is a lot. I was like going through it after I was like trying to make things out. I was like, Ooh. but it's like, I have a list. I've got to 19 and I'm like, this is.

Sophia 56:20

Impressive.

Joyce 56:21

I was like, I've hit a wall. I was like, I pray for like their future spouses. Pray for their future children. Pray for the faith of their future children. I was like, oh my God. I was like, I don't dunno. I was like, I don't know how his wife came up with 31 items. I was impressed.

Sophia 56:40

Yes. Impressive.

Joyce 56:41

also I think the kids maybe were a little older by then, so they probably had a little bit more of complexity to each child. But like, those are the rhythms and routines that I wanted to, like,

Sophia 56:51

Hmm.

Joyce 56:53

it's more personal on my own end of like my own rhythms. And also being more intentional of like how to build a rhythm with the kids. But we talk about God often and throughout the day, and it's a regular part of our conversations. And so that is like something that I, have hope in. And I've seen like, like cancel In preschool, his teacher sent me a video of Keyan praying. Like everybody else was like playing and he was just sitting in a chair and he was like, praying so hard. Like I was like, I don't know what he was praying about, but he was praying hard. it was so sweet. I was like crying watching that video.

Sophia 57:29

yes, he. You have

Joyce 57:31

Something.

Sophia 57:32

in him. Yes,

Joyce 57:34

We did something,

Sophia 57:35

yes. You did something right. That is a

Joyce 57:39

despite my mom rage.

Sophia 57:42

God

Joyce 57:43

Yeah.

Sophia 57:43

God

Joyce 57:44

What about, yeah. What about you, Sophia? what are you feeling like you could do better or improve on?

Sophia 57:50

wanna start having a little bit more spiritual disciplines for my personal life. Like,

Joyce 57:56

Yeah,

Sophia 57:56

for, listening to

Joyce 57:58

I.

Sophia 57:58

devotional podcast. I want my children to grow up. Having seen their mother read the actual physical Bible, like that

Joyce 58:08

Yes.

Sophia 58:08

daily thing that they see. And I, that's how I grew up. I saw my parents read the Bible and I saw my father pray.

Joyce 58:16

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 58:18

like sit down, just like it looks like he's meditating, but he's praying. And those things were so formative to me, I realized so many times I'm looking at the Bible on my phone, so

Joyce 58:29

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 58:29

don't know whether I'm, know,

Joyce 58:32

Yeah. Just scrolling.

Sophia 58:34

scrolling or yeah. So want it to also just be a visible faith. I think those things matter.

Joyce 58:42

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 58:42

so I want to from my actual Bible

Joyce 58:47

Yes.

Sophia 58:47

out how to build that into my day. Um, I think the nap time would be best, but it is hard to doing the day again with the interruptions. yeah. But

Joyce 58:56

Yeah.

Sophia 58:57

I'm trying to figure that out. And then second, definitely working on quiet time with to around. I think that was just come with time. But he is, today, for example, I try to have him be in the playroom or in his room. He refuses. He has to be like right next to me. And while he's right next to me, he can't help but Um, just every kind of stimulation that I'm trying to take a break from, he's giving it to me during the quiet time. And it's really hard because like, I can't lock him in his room.

Joyce 59:28

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 59:29

and like, I can't force him to do something he really does not want. And he will, he will scream and cry over it. And then I have to deal with that. I always give in. I say, well, okay, then promise me you just sit right next to me. have be quiet and. He's never quiet.

Joyce 59:46

Yeah, realistic goal would be like, I think with Kian we started with two minutes and then five minutes, and then now that he's home full-time, I think what has like happened is that he doesn't get his naps anymore. So he's also more tired and he's actually kind of a high sleep, need. But I started off with really slow increments, I think what helped was like creating a routine of what he's gonna do. So that's what we kind of do. So like he kind of knows like, okay, once. Tie goes down, he gets to have his special snack and he's going to do this and it, I mean like he only did it for like five minutes maybe if I was lucky the first few times. And he would like do it all so quick. He's like, I eat my popcorn really fast and then I'm gonna listen to this and then I'm gonna do 10 jumpy jacks and then I'm done. And I was like, I just wanted to get a 15 minute workout in. I was but I think being habitual with that, he's now understands like, okay, now he knows. And he's slowly been able to lengthen that out as we figured out what his interests are. And currently he's just in a really big Yoda phase. So I find a new Yoda story for him. I find a craft and he'll sit down and he'll probably lock in for a little bit for like 10 minutes or so. and I think that's a big win at his age. So then I kind of take it as I go and. Sometimes he'll let me get a nice full workout in, or sometimes he doesn't and that's okay. I just figure it out.

Sophia 1:01:16

I think it would take a little

Joyce 1:01:17

And development. Yeah.

Sophia 1:01:18

time for to, because he's a kid who needs constant engagement. he's not really an independent play person.

Joyce 1:01:25

mean, Ian him listening to Yoda literally just happened this week. 'cause like before that he's a high input, high constant playing with person as well. So I totally get it. I, I think it's just gonna be a matter of time Once you kind of figure out what rhythms, what you can get him to lock into, even if it means like playing with kinetic sand for a little bit. at one point I got keen to play with kinetic sand for like 10 minutes and I would put timers on just so he understood and it was a timer to give him con like to give him a little bit of boundary.

Sophia 1:02:00

Oh yeah, um, TOF cannot stand timers. He

Joyce 1:02:04

Yeah,

Sophia 1:02:04

it, so I but

Joyce 1:02:07

yeah,

Sophia 1:02:07

it out at some point.

Joyce 1:02:08

yeah.

Sophia 1:02:09

Yeah.

Joyce 1:02:10

out the rhythms,

Sophia 1:02:11

Yeah. and then I realized that, lunchtime, I'm often busy in the kitchen while the kids are eating lunch, and I wanna be a little bit more intentional about that,

Joyce 1:02:20

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 1:02:21

like sitting with 'em. I have a whole of poetry for kids thought it would be nice to read to them while they're having lunch. yeah, that's something that I'm thinking about adding when the third baby comes, I think that's gonna be a huge,

Joyce 1:02:36

Rhythm change.

Sophia 1:02:38

So, as always, this routines we have, very much subject to change with life circumstances

Joyce 1:02:45

Mm-hmm.

Sophia 1:02:45

kids change, so,

Joyce 1:02:48

And we don't know what the third baby's temperament's gonna be like, and personality's gonna be like, it'll be fun just as spicy a udi.

Sophia 1:02:56

We shall see.

Joyce 1:02:59

Well, a must. I think that's our routines in a nutshell, that's what we do a whole lot of, nothing.

Sophia 1:03:06

Just for this season.

Joyce 1:03:07

A whole, lot of nothing. Just kidding. Um, but yeah, routines are like super important. It's just a matter of how you wanna do it. And I think it depends on the kid too, and what your kids' needs are

Sophia 1:03:19

Mm-hmm. And hence why I find it very interesting to hear what other people's routines are

Joyce 1:03:24

Hmm.

Sophia 1:03:25

a snapshot to the family dynamics.

Joyce 1:03:28

Mm-hmm. All right. Well, uh, let me close this out. I'll pray. God, thank you so much. Thank you for creating days. Thank you for creating patterns and rhythms yourself, father God, so that we ourselves can take after you and to learn from you. God, I just pray that you be with every Amah who is listening and including Sophia and myself, that Lord, as we are continually trying to figure out our rhythms, continually trying to figure out our routines and, even just growing as ourselves as a must. That Lord, that you would give us the wisdom and insight that we need, uh, to be able to create the environment that you have designed and willed and wanted for our unique and individual homes. Lord, I pray that Father, that we strive not for the perceptions of what the world has created as standards, but I pray that we're striving for the values that you have given us, father, and for the values that you have created for us as a home and as a family. so thank you, God, that you are the example of which that we look after and that we look to Lord. in your name we pray, amen.

Sophia 1:04:33

Amen.

1:04:34

Thank you so much for listening. If you've been liking our episodes, please follow, like, subscribe, or leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts. We'd love to connect with you and hear your thoughts and feedback. You can find us on Instagram at The Old Umma Club or reach out to us at theoldummaclub@gmail.com. Gotta give a big thank you to Kevin MacLeod for our music. Until next time, ummas, may the Lord bless you and keep you sane, hydrated, and fulfilled the way only He can.