You Don’t Need Deliverance: God Said No

In this episode, we dive into the gut-punch of God saying “no” when you’re begging for deliverance. I’ve been there—pleading through fear, anxiety, and even the shadow of death, only to hear “no.” Those painful moments, though brutal, became God’s way of keeping us close in our darkest days.

[00:00] What if God's "No" is Actually Your Salvation?
[00:50] From Drunk Driving to Cocaine: My Invincible Past
[03:40] The Wake-Up Call: Fear After a Caffeine Overdose
[07:50] Begging God for Deliverance, Only to Hear "No"
[09:30] How My "Curse" of Fear Became My Lifeline
[15:25] Learning from Paul's Thorn: God's Power in Weakness
[18:30] Shift your Mindset: God's "No" is Protection

Transcript

0:02

Don't you love when God says no? I'm talking about when you got a struggle so bad, right? If it's a physical struggle, a mental struggle, or any other type of burden on this earth that is weighing you down, it's taking the very life force out of you. But God says no you. You kick and scream and pray and cry and it's like the Father in heaven could care less. You just your request just keep getting met with rejection with a big fat no. I know I am not the only one who's been here, but let me shift your mindset. What if this no that you're getting is actually your salvation? Let's be real. Follow me real quick. So I used to be reckless, live like an idiot. The the things I have done I should be either dead or under the jail. I I remember one time I was with a bunch of buddies. We was we was drunkard and cooter Brown and I had two of them in the back of my truck. They were sitting in lawn chairs as I'm driving down the highway and this guy that I barely knew was with me in the front seat and I was doing 100 miles an hour. And I just remember I looked over there and I haven't said a whole word this whole trip. And I looked over at him and I just said in the most southern accent possible, if we hit a deer right now, we're dead. They didn't say. I'm pretty sure that guy thinks I'm a serial killer to this day, but what I'm trying to paint here is that here's a prime example of the kind of person I used to be. Drunk driving, reckless, living reckless, I mean you name it. Another good example would be my 21st birthday party. The week before my birthday party, I messed my vehicle up. I think I was cutting Donuts and broke a ball joint or something I can't remember, but I had to get a rental car. Well that next week on my birthday after work went to the casino and just had a night full of debauchery. I love that word makes me feel smart. But I started at six PMI mean as soon as I get could get to Philadelphia and I I went to the bar and I sat there alone and just started drinking and my buddy shows up or by 9 PMI was drunk and the rest of the party hasn't even arrived yet. Well, I, I was getting a little too far gone and my buddy was like, hey, I got something for you. He took me out to my my rental car, I should say. And we proceed to do cocaine in my rental car off a child's toy that was left in there by the previous person. Then we ran back and party to the sun came up very, very wild night. The next day I went to Buffalo Wild Wings and we ended up flushing the remaining amount of that cocaine down the Buffalo Wild Wings handicap bathroom stall. Now, if I, if we would have not have done that, I promise you I would probably be a coke at it right this minute. I would have been trapped, but I give you these two stories to to kind of paint that I lived life like I was invincible. That is just some of the minor stories of things I've done. A few years after that, I had a wake up call. I had a caffeine overdose from a single Monster Energy drink. I'm not talking about I drank 12 Red Bulls or I just did a lot, drink a lot of coffee. No, I sat, got to work, sat down in my chair, started my work day, opened a loca mocha which was my favorite and I started drinking it. Well after I finished it, I got up, walked outside to smoke a cigarette and the next thing I know my vision starts going blurry. I start sweating. I was like oh this is weird. So I went back to my desk and I sat down and it just got worse and worse and I started having heart palpitations and I got up and couldn't stop walking around. I started sweating, my vision was weird, and then I started puking. And Long story short, I had to get rushed to the emergency room. I thought that was going to be the end of that experience. Once I got out of the hospital, I thought it was over. But actually my journey was just beginning. From that day forward, I started having anxiety attacks to the extreme multiple times a day. I was panicking, thinking I was going to die. I would have these weird little movements in my body, a weird pain. It's just abnormal like the average person gets probably multiple times a day. Just a quick pain and my mind would freak out thinking I was going to die. I couldn't. I couldn't live by myself hardly at all. I was constantly having to stay with someone because at night time I was scared I was going to die in my sleep. Now during this time I lost 100 lbs in less than 8 months because my mind was so out of whack and so scared it was going to die. I could only eat the same three meals every single day. It would be a sausage and cheese biscuit for breakfast. Don't know why that was safe but whatever. A6 inch chicken bacon ranch subway with a bag of chips for lunch and a bowl of plain Cheerios for supper. Only drink I would have is water. I my body was probably thrown in shot because before that I ate like it was my last meal every day. I was. I wasn't £400 for no reason, but my mind was in a place where it didn't know what was safe. I was having to train my brain slowly what I could eat, what I could consume. I was scared of Tylenol. I was scared if I took it to one single Tylenol I would overdose on it and die. That's how far gone my mind was in fear and anxiety. It, it, it was unfathomable. I can't even talk right but it was horrible. This went on for over a year. I was begging God for deliverance. During that time begging, my skin was constantly crawling. I couldn't breathe most of the day because I was in a constant state of panic. But all I got was a no. The fear of death had me literally in a stranglehold. I couldn't, I couldn't cope with medicine, I couldn't cope with drugs, I couldn't cope with alcohol. I had nothing to cope with out of because I was scared it was going to kill me. Now this, this indirectly led me to church because my at that point my only option, like I talked about in the last episode, my only vice was at this point was God. The other option was death and that's not an option. I'm too hard headed to give up. It was it was painful needle to say. Now I thought after church it was going to get better, because let me tell you, over time that those panic attacks started getting better. It wasn't as bad, they wasn't as frequent. And then when I got in church, I just felt so renewed. I felt so whole. But anxiety and fear of death lingered and I begged God to remove it. I begged them. And this, I thought this was a curse. Honestly I would question God why he wouldn't just take it from me, why it still just hung around like a like a sore thumb. Over time though he slowly gave me tools, mental tools, physical tools, ideas, ways to combat but combat it. But he never fully delivered me. And when it flared up as it has for the last five years, as it has this month, I would question why he wouldn't deliver me. I, I, I literally would like why? What am I doing wrong? Why am I cursed with this? Why won't you deliver me? Why are you keep telling me no? And then and then I started to go through some hardships throughout this time and I lost hope in God. I lost hope in church. And I've got this what's the point mentality. And that took over my soul, my attitude, my spirit. It took over everything. But that's, that's when this curse actually became my biggest blessing. That's when the fear of death actually became my lifeline because when I entered this state of what's the point where I was going to church, but I was just sitting on a Pew. I was wanting to be anywhere else besides that place. When I was outside those doors, living right was not what I wanted to do. I was finding myself in conversations and situations and so much more that I normally wouldn't have been partying. But this, this curse I had this thing God kept saying no to for 6 plus years became my blessing because it became my barrier from turning back into my old self. It kept me from completely just throwing in a towel and going back to drinking constantly. It kept me from continuing to smoke cigarettes once I failed and picked them back up it it made me realize, hey buddy, you're going to die. I had a fear that it was going to kill me, especially once I got the smokers call started developing. It kept me from quitting church because I was scared I was going to. Literally. I know this is irrational, but I was scared God was going to kill me and send me to hell. So I held on out of fear. You see, God's know held me together when faith was so low that there was nothing else that could hold me to the fire. God gave me tools to manage the anxiety and the fear, but He never allowed me to 100% escape it. He He held on. He let me hold on to it so I could, for lack of better words, have a safety net. It was literally, like I said, my lifeline, even though I was, I'm telling you, these panic attacks, this fear of death is so overwhelming at times. You'll you. I would feel in my chest like I was having a heart attack and then my mind would start racing and make give me the placebo effect that it's actually happened. This is real. This is real stuff. This still happens to me from time to time. I have to actively keep be mindful of situations I'm in, where I'm going to be, what I'm eating, how often do I eat bad food? What what do I consume in general? Because if I don't, it's going to trigger this intense fear and panic. And if you've never experienced that kind of panic and fear, I, I pray to God you never do because there is nothing worse than going about your day where you're constantly in fight or flight mode. It's, it literally feels like if there's anything I can relate it to, I've never been in this situation, but I can only imagine it that you're in the middle of a battlefield and there's grenades being launched everywhere, bullets flying and you just know one wrong move and it's over. That even though the situations are completely different. I'm not trying to say that I know what warfare is like because I don't God bless the soldiers who do and protect us. But what I'm trying to say is, is that the emotion and the the feeling that's in your mind is relatable because it's so powerful. It's so overwhelming. But this, this overwhelming feeling, this no, I got from God literally became the biggest blessing of my life or otherwise. I don't know where I'd be today. I honestly don't think today I would be sitting on my couch talking to you about God. I really don't think so. I think I would be back doing cocaine, popping pills, drinking at the bar every weekend, drinking and driving, probably done, wrecked and killed myself or someone else under a prison. I don't know where I'd be. I do know if I ever went back to that lifestyle, it would be 100 times worse than when I came out because because I know one thing about myself, I'm either all or nothing. There is no hot, there is no lukewarm. It's either cold or hot when when I put my mind to something I'm either all in or all out. That's the only way I can do it. Otherwise it's just I'm complacent. So thank God that he said no Why? I wish that he every time I bring it up, I do wish he had takes it away from me. I no longer get mad when I do get that no because I understand he's protecting me. He's helping me what what what's something you are begging for deliver it from then you keep getting met with a no think on it. Think on that. Now I the the best example this in the Bible I can give you is second Corinthians 12 and I think it's verses 8 through 9 and just paint the picture. Paul is going out everywhere, preaching, teaching the word of God, telling about telling the good news and he's in he's just the guy for the gospel. Everyone's learning his name. There's a reason why he wrote most of the New Testament, but he he says he's got this thorn in his flesh. Now there's a lot of theological ideas what that thorn could be. Most the common consensus is that it is it is some type of physical pain due to some of his travels and how he was whipped multiple times and so much more than there's theories that it could be migraines, anxiety, blah, blah blah. It could be, they say it could be a demon, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter. OK? It really doesn't matter what he's trying to say. He's got a problem in his mind, body, whatever. That keeps him humble, keeps him glued to the fire, because otherwise he's going to get arrogant or he's going to get, he's going to start acting out of character. Let me tell you, that's the same mindset I had. If it wasn't for that thorn in my flesh, I will get out of character quick. Now in this verse he begs and begs and begs for deliverance. He says he begged 3 times on his name. He can knees. He can just imagine he's kicking and screaming like God. I'm doing all this for you. I've been beat, whipped. Could you at least take this thorn from my flesh? Can you let me breathe? But God says no. The scripture actually says 3 different times. I begged the Lord to take it away each time. He said my grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. And then he goes on to say, so I'm glad to boast about my weakness so that the power of Christ worked through me. I'm telling you, it's just so powerful when you grasp that part where it says God's power works best when we are weak, that this thorn in his flesh, it's like a it's like a constant panic attack, keeping him raw, desperate and clinging to God instead of his own strength. He gets the greatest strength and power ever from our God because he's weak. God's no wasn't cruel. It kept Paul from getting cocky and it kept him praying through the pain and it kept his character in line. Just like my fear and my anxiety stopped me from just completely self destructing during hardships. Paul's struggle locked him into God's power. So if you shift your mindset when you're desperate and when you, when you're getting a no from God, when you can't see why I'm telling you you can't see it when you're in the middle of it, But let a little time pass. Don't, don't judge it by a week, a month. Give it a year, 2 years, five years. Then look back on that thorn in your flesh, that thing you needed deliverance from, and you'll start seeing where God had His hand on it every step of the way. I'm telling you, if you don't believe me, ask me. So what you can gather from this is that maybe you don't need deliverance. Maybe God says no to protect you. It's not rejection, it's protection. My fear saved me when I was weak. In my weakness I had the true power of God working behind me. Now you have to ask yourself, what is God's know saving you from? Is it keeping you alive? Is it your lifeline? Is is he saying no yet giving you tools to manage the struggle you're dealing with? Like he did that for me. If he can do it for me, he can do it for you. I'm sitting here today and I still struggle with a fear of death. Some days it still becomes overwhelming and I freak out. But I'm telling you, I stopped myself. And remember, if it wasn't for this curse, where would you be? I don't need deliverance. I don't. My power comes from my weakness, from my struggle. If this resonates with you, please share it, please like it. I hope this helps you. I hope it is a blessing to you. And just know if you're struggling with something and God saying no, you're not alone. Everything is in this life is about perspective. If you can shift your mind, you can start being grateful for even the bad things in this life. Because the scripture says all things work together for the good of those that loves Christ Jesus. And let me tell you that word all, in case you didn't know, means good and bad. Bad things is included with all I'm telling you. You'll look back and be grateful for the nose. There's no such thing as an unanswered prayer. That old country song is ridiculous. I used to love that song, but now I realize that's not real. God does answer it sometimes. It's just not the answer we want to hear. Hold on to your faith, shift your mindset. Keep wrestling, keep fighting with God, keep praying. I'm not, I'm not advocating you for not to pray for deliverance. I'm advocating for you to when you receive that. No, not to let your heart grow hard. I pray this helps you and stay real.