Will Money, Beauty & Attention Make You Happy? Kieta Kieta Has the Answers.

Today, I sit down with Keita Kieta, former 90s supermodel and actress, for a raw conversation about the hidden loneliness behind beauty, fame, addiction, and validation. From modeling for Elite and appearing in magazines like *Vanity Fair* and *Seventeen*, to partying in Hollywood, navigating toxic industry culture, and eventually spiraling into addiction and sex work, Keita opens up about the emotional emptiness that success could never fill.

Keita reflects on growing up in an industry where drugs, alcohol, perfectionism, and exploitation were normalized, and how chasing external validation slowly disconnected her from herself. What looked glamorous from the outside often felt isolating internally. Keita details the emotional cost of constantly performing an image, the pressure women face to stay desirable, and how loneliness can exist even in rooms full of celebrities, wealth, and attention.

As the conversation unfolds, Keita shares how sobriety, yoga, spirituality, and authentic connection helped rebuild her life from the inside out. Together, we speak candidly about aging, identity, depression, self-worth, body image, the reality of healing, and learning to let go of the belief that money, beauty, or fame can save us. What emerges is a conversation not just about addiction and recovery, but about learning how to come home to yourself.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
How Fame and Beauty Can Intensify Loneliness
How Addiction Becomes a Way to Escape Emotional Pain
How External Validation Disconnects Us From Ourselves
How the Modeling and Entertainment Industries Normalize Self-Destruction
How Sobriety Changes Your Identity and Relationships
How Spirituality and Yoga Help Rebuild Self-Worth
How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Practice Self-Acceptance
How Real Healing Begins Through Honesty, Support, and Connection

If there’s one thing to take away from this episode, it’s this: no matter how far you think you’ve fallen, there is always a way back. Healing doesn’t come from becoming more beautiful, successful, or desired; it comes from reconnecting with yourself, finding support, and learning that your worth was never dependent on the image you were trying to maintain.

Sending you all so much love,
Ava Devine

What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:48 Will Money, Beauty, and Attention Make You Happy?
03:21 Chasing Success While Losing Yourself
05:45 The Loneliness Behind Fame and Beauty
08:09 Addiction, Hollywood, and Party Culture
11:55 When Validation Stops Feeling Fulfilling
12:45 Eating Disorders and Toxic Beauty Standards
15:04 Playboy, Modeling, and Industry Pressure
18:52 How Addiction Slowly Took Over
20:12 Escaping Pain Through Drugs and Alcohol
23:14 Why Real Human Connection Matters
24:04 Feeling Lonely in Rooms Full of People
25:51 Searching for Spirituality and Meaning
28:56 Finding Yoga and Beginning Recovery
31:22 Sex Work, Survival, and Reinvention
34:11 Hitting Rock Bottom in Las Vegas
37:07 Early Sobriety and Learning to Live Again
40:49 Aging, Self-Acceptance, and Identity
43:50 Why Competition Keeps Us Empty
44:39 Learning to Forgive Yourself
46:58 Addiction and the Modeling Industry
48:36 What Spirituality Means Today
52:03 Becoming the Person You Never Thought You Could Be
53:36 How to Sit With Yourself Without Escaping
54:19 What Healing Actually Requires
55:06 “I Know the Way Home.”
55:53 My Final Takeaway

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Instagram: @theoneandonlyavadevine
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Instagram: @Kietak

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I sit down with Kita, a former 90s supermodel. We hear her experience in the industry, how it led her into addiction, partying, and eventually sex work.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Thank you so much for having me. This is just a wonderful, wonderful topic. I think it's super important for many women and people to hear. It's always a personal journey.

SPEAKER_04 0:21

We talk about the loneliness behind the lifestyle, the myths about beauty, money, and validation, and how easy it is to lose yourself chasing an image that was never real to begin with.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

The loneliness that we feel, the more fame you have, the more isolated you feel and you become. I don't really want to go down that path of the Playboy path. There are so many people who have had success stories in all professions. And that's what I love, and that's why there's so much hope. If you're suffering right now, you don't have to suffer.

SPEAKER_04 0:54

There is a way out. Hi, I'm Ava Devine, and you're watching Ava Devine's Bad Advice. Today's episode's title is Will Money, Beauty, and Attention Make You Happy? This episode's summary is we're often sold the idea that if you're beautiful enough, successful enough, or desired enough, you'll finally feel fulfilled. But what happens when you have all of that and you still feel empty? In this conversation, I sit down with Kita, a former 90s supermodel that signed with Elite Model Agency, was on the cover of Vanity Fair 17, just to name a few, was in music videos with Dwight Yocum and Alice Cooper and Lynch Mob. We hear her experience in the industry, how it led her into addiction, partying, and eventually sex work as she struggled to cope with deeper emotional pain. We talk about the loneliness behind the lifestyle, the myths about beauty, money, and validation, and how easy it is to lose yourself chasing an image that was never real to begin with. Akita shares her journey to sobriety, her spiritual awakening, and how she rebuilt her life through practices like yoga and connecting to a higher power. This episode is about healing, forgiveness, and unlearning the belief that external validation can replace internal peace. The objective, we explore how addiction and beauty standards shape Kita's life and how she rebuilt self-worth through sobriety and spiritual healing. So thank you for joining us, Kita.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Wow, I love what a great, fantastic intro. Ava, you look fantastic. Thank you so much for having me. This is just a wonderful, wonderful topic. And I think it's super important for many women and people to hear.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

Most definitely. Most definitely.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

People in the and anyone in the industry. Anyone, anywhere, right? Anyone, anywhere.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

Regardless of what they do for a living or their career path.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Absolutely, absolutely. And the whole, you know, and I love the point or or the the the what you said about, you know, chasing the image and thinking that's going to make me happy. That was the whole thing about I'm we always believe that this is going to make me happy. That I'll be happy when. Yeah. I'll be happy if. And that's the whole thing that I did all my life. Although I always was, I was always looking for spirituality. I don't know, Ava, if you were also looking for spirituality when you were younger. I don't know if that was forefront for you. It was for me. Yeah. You know, so uh yeah, and that's what I I was seeking it. But what happens is, right, you're beautiful, you're modeling, you start traveling the world, there's a lot of money going around. And uh you're like, okay, well, I am but also, right? If you love to entertain and you love the craft, there has to be a love of the craft. Most of it. Because we can't do this if there's not parts of it that you don't love. Most of it. Right. I mean truly. There's a lot of there's a lot of this lifestyle that we love because we wouldn't be here if we didn't love it. But what happens is we get skewed, at least I did. I got skewed and I went kind of went off went off my path. But also, I mean, mind you, uh Hollywood and I you know, and I've and I hope I can be candid here about how I really feel because I know like the Me Too movement that just I guess seemingly showed up just recently. I want to say, like, where were you when when I was being, I don't know, I I guess I'm not necessarily molested, but drugged. Prayed on. Yeah, prayed on. Uh, where were you when when we had that because it's been going on most definitely? The the the casting couch has been there for, I mean, that's why they called it the casting couch, right? I mean, it's been there. Yeah, we know that it's true. I won't even talk about this. I mean, and you know what, but wait a minute, and it worked, I think most stuff wasn't Madonna shameless about how and what she did getting to where she was at, and which is fine. If there's no prop, which hence therefore leads us to the sex work, yes, and why it kind of morphed into before it was so taboo. Yes, it was sure, right? Now it's very acceptable. Now it's way more acceptable than what it used to be. Okay, which I think was important in letting go.

SPEAKER_04 5:25

Most definitely shame.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

And and right, and finding a little bit more acceptability in this. And was it helpful perhaps in finding spirituality? Possibly, but quite honestly, I don't think so. I mean, I don't think it didn't matter what really changed on the outside of that, it's always a personal journey.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

It is so so let's get into this. Okay, here's an introduction question. The illusion of modeling external success. Your story begins with a dream, a dream that from the outside you made happen. Your life looked like what people are told to want, but what did it actually feel like on the inside? Tell us your fame, fortune, right, jet setting, well, and running elbows with Rich and the fame.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

And you know what, you know, Ava, you'll hear this and you see it with Britney Spears, Justin Bieber. I mean, just those two right now, even you talk about they were young, coming up, being stars, and and it's like what the loneliness that we feel, you know, and and I feel like the big Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, you talk about the the greats, the iconic pop stars ever, ever, ever, ever you know, in the world. And the loneliness sometimes was unbearable. Because you the more, the more fame you have, the more isolated you feel and you become. And if you don't have that connection, if you don't find something internal, if you can't find something which is real, which is then we go into relationships, then we're searching for that relationship that will fix us. And then we want, of course, we want just someone to love us outside of all this. And then that's like a whole nother journey. But that loneliness, I think I, and and you can see it, I think the the more fame you have, the more money you have, I think the more loneliness comes. That's what got me into my sobriety. The loneliness was so unbearable. And it never, and it never mattered how much, it didn't matter who I was working with, didn't you know, when I hit when I yeah, when I was with uh in super fun was, you know, Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner on bodyguard. Okay, that was so much fun. And I was on some fabulous sets. I was, I mean, I I traveled the world. I was on the yachts, and you know, you're all over the world and the best places, and it didn't matter because that loneliness was still there. It was not until I finally, and and of course, you know, you know, and then you would think that the drinking the drugs that was kind of normal with that lifestyle.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Right? Crystal, drinking the bottles of crystal, yeah, the best cocaine, the the drugs. Now, in a in a lot of circles, that would, you would think, maybe augment your career. In some circles, it it was kind of accepted in Hollywood and it was okay. Well, in my case, it didn't. It it ruined my career. It really ruined. I mean, I had some other things happened as well. I mean, I had a bad accident on the freeway and there was a life that was lost. It was not my fault, but um, you know, that really affected me. Sure, you know, and you know, and that kind of switched me. But I had some wonderful people. I mean, I was on uh, you know, full house and married with children. Um, you know, full house was great with Jeff Franklin, and Jeff Franklin was always very, very, very helpful. And um, you know, and he really helped my. There were so many people who helped my career. But again, because I was always available, I was always on time, I was always reliable, except when the drink and the drug started to switch that. And then that was the gear that I just was the drink and the drug and the craft now, just was so far away and out of breach. And that loneliness just totally took me over, which actually got me into sobriety. Yeah. And then hence got me into my yoga practice, which I continue today, along with crazing up the memorabilia and the collectibles, because that's also what we do. And I know, yeah. You know, so it which is another part of entertainment. Sure. They go hand in hand. Sure. But look at this journey. But with, and then of course, with my sobriety journey, I get my sobriety sister, which is you, Ava. And I never, and you know, it's funny because I always wanted when I finally got sober, okay, and I got into a 12-step program, I always was looking for other girls who were in the industry, okay. And then I would find them and I would call my sponsor, I'd be crying, I'm like, wait a minute. She'd be like, then just you don't have to be with them until I found you and some other wonderful people. And and then I could see where you can still be in the industry. Like, you don't have to leave, you don't have to leave the industry and be sober and to have a very productive, rational, normal life. I mean, there's some people who can do it for myself, you know, that wasn't my calling. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 10:19

And it's it's different to each individual because you you look at me sometimes, you're like, how do you do it staying sober, clean and sober? And I'm like, how can I not do it staying clean and sober, right? But but like, but you could not, right? And there's a lot of women that I talk to in the program that cannot live that life or or it will take them out.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Well, and you, Ava, you have, of course, Hall of Fame, Hall of Fame this year, which was well, well, well deserved. And but that just goes to show you the hard work behind everything you've done. For sure. You know, and that same journey that we go through with the drugs and the drinking, uh, you know, and then you say, well, you know, there's a lot of things that I regret, but that path, bingo. But that path, though, if I didn't take that path of that that destruction, really that self-destruction, that self-loathing, and it was self-loathing. That's what's so crazy about this. I mean, here, like, we're beautiful, we're fabulous. I mean, and that's a lot of the things that you see, right, on social media.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Oh, totally.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

Oh my god, we could, and I can scroll through the whole thing.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

I'm like, and then by the time I'm done, I'm depressed because I'm like, my life looks miserable compared to the but there is a saying don't judge your insides by somebody's outsides, which means because they may look like they're having a party and super happy because it's all facade, but we don't know what's really going on in their mind. We don't know the depths of the darkness that they walk through, right? It just looks like a party on the outside, right? Right? That's right. So, so let's let's go back to this question. When did you realize that beauty and success weren't giving you what you thought they would?

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Well, I believe that I struggle with that still because I see right it's that you know, I call it the shiny door, and it still looks beautiful to me, and I still want to go to it as an answer. However, I think with age, I think with age, that also slowly starts to uh dissipate. And and then you start to really um the idea of the spiritual answer starts to become more alive, and that shiny door is you know, we know it's there, and it's always gonna be there. I don't really think that it it goes away, meaning that um is and and of course and I always want to look good. I always want to take care of myself. That's why yoga practice is so important because with yoga it's mind-body spirit. So I'm taking care of all, I need to take care of all those things in order to feel loved. You know, and if and if I'm not, if I'm not taking care of my body, if I'm letting that go, then my eating will might, you know, the whole eating disorder thing. That's like sorry, don't worry, that's another thing. I was gonna say actually that could be a whole nother a whole nother episode is the eating disorder, and which was stemmed from, by the way, from the industry. And you know, um, um, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm forgetting her name. Uh Wizard of Oz. Uh uh Judy Garland. Judy Garland. Poor Judy Garland. They tortured her. This is what I'm talking about. Hollywood tortured their stars to make sure that they were skinny or that they had to be working. I mean, that was that was prevalent. And I still think in some ways that it happens today. I mean, I come from, you know, with Karines, Jean-Luc with Epstein. I mean, that whole thing was very real. I mean, Jean-Luc, who was the owner of Karines, I was with Karines in Paris at the at the height when he got, I think then when he got busted at that time. Certainly, I saw things and how I got protected, I don't know, but it was prevalent. It was very, I mean, that was kind of like my era. And then it was at then Jean-Luc was coming to Chicago and we're having a party because we had the sanctuary, a club. And they said, Kita, you do not want to be associated with Jean-Luc anymore. You know, it's just bad news. Well, but being young, I have no idea. Like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're clueless. Sure. That that's why I understand like these girls who are coming in and it's such a fine line, right? Because yes, I'm coming in and I want to to um, I want to um get my career, I I I I want I want to, you know, elevate my career, I want to meet people. And these people are supposedly important and they can get me gigs because you know you're that's how you that's how you get different gigs. Sure. By meeting people. And then you meet them and they're really preying on us. And you're and being young, you are really, I didn't know anything. Okay, I you I really didn't. And that's why these girls get themselves caught up in that. I mean, completely caught up. So I I understand it. I understand that yes, I may at when you're of age, forget about being underage. That's a whole that's even a whole nother bat of worms, which is which is terrible. So I just understand it. I understand with Playboy. Um, you know, and that was like another road that was really interesting when I that when I first, I don't know what I was, maybe 18, 19, it was in Chicago, and Playboy wanted me for Mel and Elsie because Mel because it was the the, you know, it was the hub. Uh Chicago was the hub for Playboy. Yeah. And I'll never forget that I chose because it was kind of a path, right? And I was like, well, I want to choose. I don't really want to go down that path of the Playboy path. Sure. I really wanted to No deity. Right, which was kind of a division. Sure. You you know back then, most definitely, you know, back then. So yeah. So when did it really happen? I mean, is it always there? I think it's always there. I think I'm always we're always working on our spirituality, right? That spirituality is a constant journey. I am not this body, you know, I am an eternal sphere of light. You know, and that's what I try to remember when I do my yoga practice. And actually, when I work, when I'm working, right? Well, anything that I'm I'm I'm doing, when I freak out because I'm anxiety ridden, you know, is is you know, I'm not this body. And the whole aging thing is is is tough.

SPEAKER_04 16:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

You know, is getting older, getting wrinkles, and you know, then and then you get into how much plastic surgery can I can I get without morphing my body out, right?

SPEAKER_04 16:35

Yeah. Or is there even such a thing these days? Exactly. But yeah, it's always a work in progress, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:42

Well, look and look at how your journey has taken you and and and just how you've aspired now. And even with what we're doing today and how you value spirituality in your life, and I know how it's how important it is in your sobriety and how grounding that is for you. Because the industry industry is not grounding, there's no grounding in the industry, and that's why we need people in our life. Sure, we do, right? We need the support, you know. Like, I need you in my life. I need you too. I need you in my life. That and and I could never say that to a girl. I mean, like on a level of without you know what it is. Yes. Well, because it's gonna be like, oh, well, what does she want?

SPEAKER_04 17:27

Exactly. Or or yeah, exactly. What is she trying to manipulate me for by telling me this? Like, yeah, I don't trust you, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Of course now now when I say that, like I it doesn't matter to me. Like this stuff doesn't matter. Yeah. It now it doesn't matter to me anymore what people think. I mean, look, mostly, of course, those those things we go through, and you know, like, oh you know, and but and I think really too, people want to see the reality. That's why reality TV and this reality and podcast are successful, because people want to take a peek of what's going on in your life. Sure. Like true story, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 18:05

But is reality TV truly reality?

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Not anymore because it didn't switch.

SPEAKER_04 18:09

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Because then it switched, it became real, then it became unreal. Because once again, I just feel like in Hollywood, it always changes.

SPEAKER_04 18:17

Sure. And and but that's the the purpose. It's okay. Entertainment, it's entertainment, entertainment. Entertainment. Right.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

We and we hope to entertain it. Exactly. And if you're a true entertainer, you love the craft and you want to create. I love to create. I still love to create. Yes, you know, and and uh so I think that's important. So yeah, it's a constant, and the door is always there, the shiny door is always there. But I believe that um, I mean, when I when I really changed was what at about 33, you know, so that was about when I was 33 years old, is when I kind of had the epiphany. Really? Yum's a number. Third. Three, three, three, three.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

We love three.

SPEAKER_04 18:53

Okay, so so let's hear about this. Okay. Um, the descent, addiction, and coping. How did addiction first show up in your life? Was it gradual or did it hit all at once?

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Well, it did, I think, you know, it is kind of gradual because it's part. It's it starts to be when you're young, it starts to be, but then it becomes part of the whole scene. And then you just think it's the it's a way of life. And of course, I'm Polish, so drinking was just that's what you do. Yeah, you know, vodka and let's go.

SPEAKER_04 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

You know, so uh I think gradual and then hit it once. I think a little bit of both.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Oh god, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because for me, being the alcoholic addict, I feel like I was born like that. Like even messing around with sugar or diet pills, I'm like, I'm not the normal average person. Like I get crazy. I go, I go, you know, go for broke. I like I want to go hard.

SPEAKER_02 19:46

Okay, wait a minute. I'm into chocolate syrup right now. Very this is very bad. Okay, so I I just want you to know, I just bought a bottle of chocolate syrup at Sprouts, and I what not even 48 hours ago, I finished the one bottle. No.

unknown 20:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

That's that no, I got storage in the in the 48 hours. That would take me one day less than 24 hours. It was 24 hours, but there was still a little left. So I'm pushing it to 48. And I don't wish.

SPEAKER_04 20:18

Dragging it out. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So okay, how do what I'll do? So it was it just hit all it was gravity and hit it. Yeah, yeah. It was both. It would totally be both. Okay, here's a good question. What were you trying to escape or numb during that time? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

What we numb is my my own personal self-image. And then me not living up to that, and then wanting to live up to what my family wanted me to be, right? Like I wanted to like show my family, like, yeah, I can do this, you know, right. But that's why everybody like says, we love you, mom, you know, right? Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Or when they did the awards.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

Yeah, right. When they have the awards. Because, right, like your mom is so slow. We love our parents. You know, and they want and you know, they just went through at least I think most families, but they want through so much for us, you know, and and you want to show them that, yeah, I can. And that, you know, I I can be a productive person in society. And I just think that sometimes well, the whole time, I I just never had that love for myself. Sure. And that really was the problem. My problem was that. And then also I couldn't, I couldn't understand about the injustices of the world and how I like I couldn't fix it and I couldn't make a difference and it upset me. And then the animals getting abused, and then and then I would go like this, and then you try to do something and you don't know what to try. And you know, and then that mania, that pain, I have to, I have to subs, you know, I have to numb that pain. I gotta numb that pain. And then I never knew I was depressed until I got sober. I got sober. And I'm like, oh, I think I'm depressed. Yeah. And then what, but what do I and so with the depression, right? I needed to numb that depression. And the alcohol helped that. And then also the drugs, you try to take ecstasy or there's other drugs to try to get to that level and try to stay at that level to feel fun because we all we always need to be on. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

You always want the party.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

You need to be the party. You are the party, whatever. You have to be fabulous at all times and you got to keep up.

SPEAKER_04 22:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

How do you keep up? And skinny.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Oh my god. I didn't eat for like 20 years of my life. I finally started to eat.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

Yeah. That speed.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

And then that's a problem. Then eating's a problem. And oh.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

I know. But wait, we're here to tell the story. We're walking through it together.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Yeah, together. Thank goodness I can call you because you understand. I never knew that anyone else could like drink chocolate, unsweetened chocolate almond milk like I do. And I called you up that one day. I'm like, you're not gonna believe what I'm doing. And we're talking about unsweetened chocolate almond milk. Okay. Or almond milk. Yeah, almond milk. I bring them whole. Yes, go almond. Yeah. Okay, right. I'm like, I'm drinking cartons of this. But but that's the association. See, that's what I need. That's what I lacked.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

I lacked that love for somebody, another person, another human being, on the level of none of this matter. I know. I don't want anything from you except I just want your joy.

SPEAKER_04 23:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

And I want to be like, hey, I can call you up. Yes. And just say hi.

SPEAKER_04 23:38

Exactly. Or how's your day?

SPEAKER_02 23:40

How's your day?

SPEAKER_04 23:41

Or I'm crazy or whatever it is. Yeah. I love it. Okay. Well now let's talk about the loneliness and the identity loss. Okay. I can imagine you felt lonely in this world, were you? And if so, what did loneliness look like for you during that period? Of all the fame and fortune and uh meeting everyone, hanging out at the hottest parties, being on the yachts, the jets. How did that loneliness feel? How could you be in a room full of movie stars, starlits, uh upscale people, low scale people, whatever, drinking, drugging, partying at the rock stars. How could you feel lonely?

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Wow. I don't know how you actually feel lonely, but you feel lonely. You know, that's for sure. And um it's almost it's almost that in internal. And and and again, like when a lot of times when you see even there's like if you've seen some Maryland, um, there's some Maryland footage, you know, and she kind of talks about that loneliness. And again, now that's like on another level. Yeah, but low, but it but see, it doesn't matter because lonely is lonely.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

Lonely, exactly. And that's why you can identify a housewife, yeah, still identify that's right with your loneliness.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

That's right. It doesn't matter. You don't have to be Hollywood, you don't have to have the money, you don't have to have any of it because lonely is lonely. And that's the truth. That is the truth. That is, and and and that's what's interesting about lonely. You know, Mother Teresa asked, they asked Mother Teresa, well, what do you think about loneliness? And she says, Go ask an alcoholic. Mother Teresa, you know, so I don't really know why that happens, but I I I I I believe that it's really that internal journey. And when I finally found like, and and again, it came also with my yoga practice because when I was young, you know, I went to Zen Buddhism, I was speaking in tongues, I was reborn, I was doing, you know, all this other, you know, all this other stuff. I am a Christian today, and you know, and I still, you know, I still I still love uh that part of spirituality and I and I um identify with that, but it was that search for that got very confusing. And then the disconnect of the spirituality and who I was, because you get lost within the party, and so there is no spiritual connection. Like I don't know that I am not this body. Yeah, I'm a cosmic sphere of light. I don't know that. I am just identifying with the external.

SPEAKER_05 26:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

And in order not to be lonely, I need to identify with the internal. And that's why, like, even when I and I love I this is one of my favorite stories is you know, when I was sober, I think it was like five years. I don't know, I was doing yoga practice and I was becoming now I have like all these accolades, 200-hour, 500-hour experienced yoga teacher with Yoga Alliance, and I'm doing workshops, and now I want to, once again, guess what? I do all here, okay. Now all external because I can't help it. Give me any words, yeah. External, external, external. So now I'm I'm fly jet setting uh yogis from around the world to come help me find my spirituality. And finally a guy comes to me and says, uh uh just just my favorite short. And he goes, looks at me, he goes, Kita. He goes, You already have it, it's in you. You don't need to hire me to get it.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

I was like, What?

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

I was like, What?

SPEAKER_02 27:15

Are you kidding me? I mean, I just spent all this money. But that's what we do. I spend all this money searching and I don't need to spend a dime because it's it's my it's my personal practice, it's my personal alone time, it's my personal breath and connecting with that breath in whatever way that I possibly can. And there's so many ways to do it now with you know, with meditation, the journey. There's so many things that we can do. Even you know, it doesn't have to just be sitting quiet. You don't have to go to the Himalayas to find your spiritual teacher, right? I found mine um you know, of course, coming from LA, Powerhouse Gym, because that's what we did. It's powerhouse and golds and all that. So I came to Vegas with Gold's Gym, and I was always teaching teaching, and and fitness was always part of my life, and that was always kind of my balance. And so when I was shifting into the yoga, of course, once again, I'm looking for the spiritual teacher. This and this was even before, this was even way before I I got all my accolades. And and there's a story in um autobiography of a yogi by Parmahansa Yogananda, and he talks about the same thing trying to find his guru. And he kept going to go to the Himalayas, and and I was doing the same thing, trying to find the spirituality. But I was at Gold's because I was teaching at Gold's and I went down, it was like on um uh flamingo, like flamingo in Eastern. There was a Gold's gym on Flamingo and Eastern, and there happened to be a yoga class, and I'm like, okay, let me go in there. And it was just this right down there. I walk in, and there she was, Clearwaters. She became my spiritual teacher. She was in Gold's gym and she taught this class, and I was there. I was like, What? You're kidding me? Here?

SPEAKER_04 29:11

I know at Gold's?

SPEAKER_02 29:13

This is where I'm finding this.

SPEAKER_04 29:15

Well, that's how I met you. Seven in the morning. I walk into a 12-step program on Sahara and Edna. You remember?

SPEAKER_02 29:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 29:25

And there you are talking about how you fell off the stripper pole.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Oh, yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 29:30

And I'm like, like the clouds parted and the angels sang. I was like, I've never heard that. And the and I was like, we bonds, and I was like, help me, help me.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

And I was so when, oh my god, Ava, when I would when I met you and you came up to me, I I was so like because I'm shy. I'm like, oh my God, she's like fabulous. Look at her. She's like fabulous, she's coming up to talk to me. And I was so intimidated. Uh no. But I'm just telling, but see, but see, there, there I go again. I'm gonna be intimidated, doesn't matter. You know, it doesn't matter what's going on, but then it I can walk through because now I have a way to do that with you know, with going to the program and figuring that out, yeah, you know, and then it was like, oh my, this is what I've been asking for all my life. I can't believe us. I couldn't believe it. And and what's really funny is how you shared with me is that you've kept me as a spiritual guide. The longest. The longest. I'm thinking, oh great, when is she gonna kick? No, no way. But yeah, well, but even if even if what that didn't happen, I just know we would always be friends, it wouldn't matter. But when you told me that, I'm like, wow, that's I know, Kitty.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

You've been in my life for a very long time, the longest I've ever had. Because yeah, I trust you and I love you. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

And and and you know, also, you know, we talk about um, you know, how the sex work the sex work morphs, you know, from all that because it was, you know, how it all switched. Like I was like doing the movies, the film, the sitcoms, you know, all of that. And then it started to slide down. And then I, you know, it was now stripping and then mandala. And then the bay with, you know, then it was the high-end, uh, you know, because I was part of the Saudis and that whole thing. And that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which was fine. I I have to say though, I have to say with that, I was always very well taken care of. They would always go for education. They always wanted you to, you know, take care of yourself. And, you know, so I I, you know, that was not a bad, such a bad journey.

SPEAKER_04 31:38

I mean, look, right, everything in our life happens for a reason, not by accident. No, and it all teaches us lessons. Yeah. No matter what good or bad, right? There's a lesson to be learned.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

And and that's why we're here.

SPEAKER_04 31:48

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Now we get to share that experience, strength, and hope. And there is, and you know what the good part about the there's so much hope. There is. There's so exact stories, and and success. And so you can, and and it doesn't matter, like if you want to do sex work and you want to be in the industry, you can, and you can have your spirituality. Yes, you can find your can do it. Now, look, it's not easy, and I would say you would need a lot of guidance, and you need, I think you need a lot of important people around you to guide you.

SPEAKER_04 32:21

Like you have tons of support, but you had a lot of fame also even prior to your sobriety, you know, and you were able to maintain that, you know, that but it was hard because, like, you know, when we're talking about the loneliness, you know, I could be at the best adult film star parties, uh, Hollywood, uh, wealthy men, women calling me, you know, hanging out with me. But at the same time, right? My problem was I never felt good enough. Right. Or, right, I'm an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. Oh, yeah. I'm either too good, yeah, well, usually not good enough. I'm like the latter part. I'm never good enough. Right. Right. So then I get lonely because then I get uh scared, I get fearful, right? And then yeah, so then then then there I am, isolating because I'm not good enough. But okay, so Miss Keto, what was your lowest point when it comes to the loneliness and identity loss when you were supermodel extraordinaire, shooting, hanging out with Whitney Houston and Kevin Cosmer, being on the set, when what was your lowest point?

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Well, I it was it would probably have been, you know, when I came here, came to Vegas, and you know, I checked myself into Mandalay Bay instead of checking myself into a rehab like I should have. And, you know, I proceeded to um try to figure out how to do sex work there. You know, I don't which I really didn't know, you know, exactly how. I was different from, you know, was and it was different. So um, yeah, and you know, and it was at a point that you know, you get down on your knees. That was my lowest point. Again, it was like brown bag, half naked and some on some road, I don't know, in Vegas. And I did never thought I would be that girl that, you know, when you like now I see them, I see them. And I'm like, that was me. I can't believe it. I understand it, you know, and there's such a way out, and there's so much hope, and there's so many good places that we can go for that, um, for that support that we need, you know, and it doesn't again, and it doesn't matter whether you're in the industry or not, or you're just a regular person because we understand lonely. Yep, we understand the pain. Exactly. And then we also understand the spiritual answer because it's a spiritual answer. It's always a spiritual answer. Right.

SPEAKER_04 34:39

But but the main point is there is a solution.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

There is a solution. I didn't do that either. No, no, and that it wouldn't work, and that it was sufficient. Yeah, it was sufficient enough to keep me staying sober because I'm like, if this isn't fun, I'm not staying.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

I'm not gonna stay sober I could stop, but how do I stay stopped? That's the question.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Yeah, how do you stay sober? Right, exactly. How do you stay stopped?

SPEAKER_04 35:02

That's a whole thing you're stopping. Because I could stop for a week or maybe even a week. Like a couple hours, I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Yeah, well, like I understand today that there's nothing a drink won't make worse. When I was drinking, it you know, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't help me. I may think that it does the drug or you know, the drug or the drink might help me that second, but in the long run, it doesn't. You know, uh, you know, I need that internal connection with whatever it is, I'm gonna call it. Okay, we don't have to say anything, whatever that is for you, you need to find that. You need to find that jersey for me. I can call it the G O D. Me too. You know, I can, you know, further go, I'm a Christian, you know, so um, you know, that works for me. Me too. That works for me, and it has worked for me. That spiritual because it's no longer on my shoulder. Yeah, the whole time I thought it was on my shoulders.

SPEAKER_05 35:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Still today, right? I'm thinking it's on my shoulders. I'm like, oh, can you please remember, Kita, it's not your job to worry.

SPEAKER_04 36:09

Exactly. Or sometimes I think, oh, I did it. Let me pop my collar. It's all me. Oh, yeah. Oh, Ava created all this. I'm that powerful. Oh, yeah. I know.

SPEAKER_02 36:18

I know, yeah, right. So we have to get right size. So, and then and it's continual. And that's why the relationships that we forge today are so important. The people that I surround myself with. You know, who do I want to surround myself with?

SPEAKER_04 36:31

Most definitely.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

To get to keep me in that spiritual alignment, to keep reminding me that that's the answer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:38

That's reminders. I got a big forgetter, the mental blankets.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Thank goodness, thank goodness. I'll tell you what, if I didn't, I hate to say, if I because I get I do get paid for my practice, my yoga practice, but I needed to have that. Because if I God knew that if I didn't, you know, or or that I couldn't have, you know, fun with that now, that I wouldn't show up.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Yeah.

unknown 37:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

I'd be like, I'm not showing up. But because it but but I do love it. I do love it. And today I would, I would show up with or without. Yeah. And I love the people who, you know, I'm I'm I'm at EOS and I teach there. And I love my practice and I love all the people who have followed me for years, for years now. It's been, you know, what over 26 years, you know, and I've been at but I've been teaching since I was like 16. So that a long time.

SPEAKER_04 37:29

Wow. Well, that's great. We I want to hear more about that. But okay, so let's talk about addiction, healing, and sobriety. Okay, what did the early days of getting sober actually look like?

SPEAKER_02 37:39

Oh, right, a hot mess. A hot mess. Because I didn't even know how to dress, you know, because right I'm coming from back from the strip club or whatever it is, you know, half naked with, you know, going to the meetings or whatever I needed to do. And uh, and then and now, and then mind you, now we're trying to get our business, which is memorabilia experts and the collectibles, we're trying to morph into something different, you know, uh on like the other ends, but still kind of in entertainment. Yes. And then I don't know how to do computers, I don't know how to run a business. What? Are you kidding me? So I just be catatonic, super emotional. I mean, I another one of my favorite stories is um, and of course, well, you know how I dress, you know. So I have the long zebra coat with my big pink furry hat, and I'm going to drop off a postage package. It was a collectible, and it's worth, I don't know, it was worth like 30, 40,000. I don't know, something like that. And so I have to take it and get like special, uh, you know, like uh, you know, like to ship it special, right? And I get up there and it and it happens to be holidays, and there's a line, and I'm coming up in my zebra coat, pink hat, you know, what my big probably chunky shoes coming through, right? And everybody's staring at me. Well, yeah, I would stare at me too. Uh okay, now I'm getting hot. I'm like, everybody's staring at me. I've got this box, and they're staring at me. I'm like, I can't believe that I go up there and they start asking me questions like what's in the box. I'm like, well, should I tell you what's in the box? This isn't drug deal. Yeah, yeah, right. Exactly. Exactly. I'm like, and I'm getting and I could and I'm like trying to answer the questions, and I'm like starting to sweat. And I and I take the box and I run outside. Now, mind you, there's payphones at that time. There's pay phones. And I run out, there's a pay and we had an 800 number, and so I go to try to call like the number, and I'm I I think I call Victor, and I'm like, I'm just crying. I couldn't get in the car and drive.

SPEAKER_04 39:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

That was early sobriety.

SPEAKER_04 39:35

Yes. But because it's like we're we're trying to like un unlearn, yes, or try, excuse me, trying to learn how to do things without drinking and drugging. Yeah, it's like foreign.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Yeah, it's very foreign. Everything was very foreign. Yeah. So but but you know, but again, I I we were able to do it. We had parties sober and we continue. By the way, we're having another party. I heard, I heard, yeah. Yeah. So um, yeah, we get to do that, and and and and it's a great time. I just never knew that could happen. I never knew I could have a sober party and everybody show up and everybody is so loud. Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's crazy. It's it's great. Yeah, great. It's it's a testament to um really life itself and to the per everyone's personal journey.

SPEAKER_04 40:18

Yes, most definitely. Okay, what was the hardest part about facing yourself without substances?

SPEAKER_02 40:27

Oh, really? Really? You know, okay, I probably would have to say it's you know, within the inner is aging, is accepting myself. Aging, uh, getting, you know, you know, the the little handles and whatever it is, and the wrinkle here and this and that is aging. And, you know, like for years up until I'm gonna say maybe three years ago, four years ago, so that you're talking maybe 20 some years of sobriety here. My driver's license had the wrong age, the wrong birth date. Okay, and I had to finally change it. Okay, because it wasn't working anymore with you know, life. Okay, like everyone's like it's nothing's matching here, you know. So, um, but I think it was the acceptance of myself exactly the way I am with all my imperfections, which is what I practice in my yoga journey as well. On my mat, I practice accepting myself, accepting my poses, accepting my limitations, you know, accepting you know the places where I advance and excel.

SPEAKER_04 41:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

That's another hard part, too.

SPEAKER_04 41:35

Sure, sure. But but what did you teach me, right? In our famous literature, in our literature, right, page 64 says, right, when when the spiritual maladies overcome, we straighten up mentally and physically, right? And you taught me that through the step work. Yeah, yeah. Right. So aging can be done gracefully and absolutely little nip and tuck here and there. Don't harve in line and let them not looking at for it's a fixing.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

And I can that's when my whole exactly right fix it's how we fix us. Yeah, that's right. That's right. And when I when that's when I identify with that, then everything else is okay. The money is okay, the surgeries are okay. Yeah, because I'm not identifying myself with that, and it's okay, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter anymore. Whereas before it did. Oh, yeah, it did. And and and I couldn't let anybody know what I was feeling. Sure. And oh my god, and I had to like keep fighting with oh my god, the young 18-year-old goals that are coming up. Like, seriously, I can't compete with that. Mind you, the same thing with business. Yes. When we with memorabilia experts, I'm trying to compete with 60 million, 80 million, 100 million dollar companies, and you know, we're just a few million dollars, you know, we're we're a small business. And I'm trying, once again, uh, we're trying to compete. We did, we did, we and we were great, you know, and I was able to compete, but you know what? No, you can't do that, you can't sustain it.

SPEAKER_04 43:00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 43:00

You can't, you know, you yeah, of course. I mean, we you know, we we came on full force, just like Victor and I normally would because uh just of your persona, sure, just because of our great personas and our characters, you know, and so that came in with we were the company, sure. You see what I'm saying? We were part of that, you know, but you know, hey, uh you that that acceptance of reality, you know, has to stay, you know, and that's why with our business today, I love it because it's boutique. Yes, it's boutique, yes. I love it, I get great memorabilia, and you know what? It's just fine.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

I'm blessed by God, God gives us exactly, but but you know what I did hear is the word compete, right? Because guess what? There's no competition because everyone's a winner, right? Oh everyone wins. It's always success stories, right? For everyone.

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Yes, we all come up together, we all come up together, and when I build you up, that's the whole thing now. Exactly. I understand that helping other people build themselves up helps me. Actually helps my my self-esteem, you know, my self-esteem. And then that helps me build up.

SPEAKER_04 44:06

Exactly. And also rooting for the other company, the other business. We all come up. And then they win. I win. We all win together, right? That's right. Yeah. Right. That's right. I can do that today. Okay. How did you begin to forgive yourself? I asked this because your dreams became your nightmares. And that was not the road you wanted to take. How do you forgive yourself? Well, that's a long, that's a long, a long, long process, right?

SPEAKER_02 44:34

I think that self-forgiveness is um I think that's the first part really of I think that's really the first and foremost thing that you have to focus on is yourself and the forgiveness of yourself, of your imperfections, everything that I've done imperfectly, everything I didn't get, everything I did get, you know. Um and being once again, acceptance is the answer. It's that accept that self-acceptance. So I mean, I think that was right away. I think right, and I can only do that with yeah, I hate to say it, but with the 12-step program, that was what guided me. I don't know. I that's just what I needed. It spoke it spoke my language. I needed to hear it in a different language. I mean, I heard it in all kinds of different books and churches and this and that religion. They speak the same words, except it's a different song, it's a different sound for me. It's on a different frequency. And then once I heard that frequency, and then they told me, Kito, you have to forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself first. You're first, yeah. And then everything else followed.

SPEAKER_05 45:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:39

So that was pretty early on. You had to do that pretty early on. Otherwise, you personally, I don't think you can continue your sobriety.

SPEAKER_04 45:47

Yeah. Well, for me, it's it's the language of the heart. It's like I need that identity, I need that relating to others. And then, right? Then it then it speaks to me because that's depth and weight. I'm not gonna ask a homeless person how to be a millionaire. I'm not gonna ask someone that's overweight, how do I get ripped abs. Like, right? But I will ask the people in the rooms that have walked through what I walked through. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

And have and there's so many people, there's so many people who have had success stories in all professions that we can tap into, and it's available to us. And that's what I love, and that's why there's so much hope. Yeah, like we don't have to stay in the suffering. If you're suffering right now, you don't have to suffer.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

There is a way out. That's right. There's a way out. You are loved, you are loved, you are so loved.

SPEAKER_04 46:35

Yeah. So um and and we have a friend that says pain is mandatory, but suffering is optional.

SPEAKER_02 46:42

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 46:43

Right?

SPEAKER_02 46:44

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_04 46:45

Okay. So do you feel that your addictions were encouraged in the modeling world or socially acceptable?

SPEAKER_02 46:51

100% encouraged and socially acceptable. 100%. You know, that was just part of that was part of the world. And that and that's why I'm like so like this me too is like, where were you? That's not true. I just feel like that it's like a lip service. Like all of a sudden they're like, oh, you, you know, you're finding out our big bag dark secret. No, it was you know what? Look, it's part of it, it's part of it. Okay, well, then talk about it, you know, because it's still, you know, true. That's why it was happening since Judy Garland to know. I mean, they wanted, they were putting, um, you know, they were giving her, I don't know what they were at that time, like dia pills to make sure she was skinny. So they were giving everybody drugs. They do it actually, same thing in sports. Our very good friend Doc Ellis, who passed away from the Pittsburgh Pirates, who pitched a no-hitter on acid, by the way, and admittedly, who was a very good friend of Victor's and ours, who also was in a 12-step program, right? You know, said the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 47:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

You know, that, you know, so he said that they were giving what they called him greenies at that time in the coffee. Like one would be the greenie one, one would be the other one. Yeah. So I don't know. I I I I'm not exactly sure what really to say about it, but it's out there and it's happening.

SPEAKER_04 48:08

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 48:09

And and you, you know, it's not a good thing, but there's other ways that we can do our business without drugs and drinking. Sure. You just don't need it. It's the truth. You do not need it. You do not need it to become successful. You do not need it for your personal image. You know, there's spirituality is always a better way. Yeah. There's always there's a better journey.

SPEAKER_04 48:31

Yeah. I like that. Okay. So now back to your spiritual spirituality. What does spirituality mean to you now?

SPEAKER_02 48:41

Oh, well, okay. So in a nutshell, okay, I I think that first and foremost, it's going to be like if I'm gonna maybe generalize it because that's so like really to tap in. I mean, everybody needs to find right their way. I don't know. There's a lot of paths. There's a lot of paths to there. There's a lot of different ideals and thinking, and I'm not like into getting there. You know, for me, like I kind of tapped into what my journey was. I went into Zen Buddhism, I went into being born again, I, you know, and then I had none, you know, and then, you know, once again, but I was always seeking and searching. Then I got into yoga, got my own school, my yoga school, and then Christianity came upon me. And then I was able to really kind of melt the two together and understand now thinking about theology and physics and asking the question well, can we actually, you know, talk about proving, you know, with physics and science about where the world comes from and how it started. You know, so there's and there's great books about that, you know, and that that I get to explore. And I, you know, today that's where my spirituality takes me in terms of uh, you know, again, enriching my spiritual condition. Yes, yes, okay. But it can be so simple. Exactly. It could be so simple as, you know what? Breathing breathing and being still and appreciating and being in gratitude. You know, it doesn't have to be complicated. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It just doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't, it could be loving your kitty, loving your dog, loving your child, loving your family. Baruch, I love you so much, you know, and he, I will never forget this either. This is another turning point for me because I never wanted to be responsible. And and I called him up crying and all about spirituality and what does it mean and blah, blah, blah. And I'm in this business and he goes, Kita. There's spirituality and responsibility. There's spirituality and responsibility. I'm like, what? I don't want to be responsible. That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. What do you mean? I thought spiritual was supposed to be free. Free, free, free. No, no. Spirituality means responsibility. It means taking care of your space, taking care of the earth, taking care of your loved ones, taking care of your and whatever's around, whatever you surround and you touch is spiritual. And it's a responsibility that I have. And when he's told that, I mean, uh that, and and I still right to this day, when I'm crying, paying bills, oh, I can't do this, you know, right? It's like, wait a minute. No, I'm being spiritual. Yes. And then it changes it for me. I'm like, oh, okay, okay, I see. It it's another journey.

SPEAKER_04 51:34

I love that. All right. Okay. So now we're gonna we're gonna wrap this up by asking about yourself. Who are you today that you never thought you could become?

SPEAKER_02 51:47

A businesswoman. First and foremost, right? I never thought I could be a business. I never thought I could handle a multimillion dollar company. Um, I never thought I could handle even like the social media and being in front of, you know, like now it's like, oh God, I don't want to be in front of anybody. And I don't want you to say, I don't want you to know what I'm doing or who I am, and I don't want to be transparent. And I, but that is, I think, part of what I need to do again, for that responsibility to spirituality. Um, and so I think, I think first and foremost, I think I never thought I could do that, Ava, is to actually be a businesswoman.

unknown 52:27

Right.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

Responsible and business and yeah, and and actually take care, learn how to do computers, learn how to do accounting, learn how to take care of employees, uh, you know, or people that surround me, right? I never thought because that's part of what you do. You have to do the same. Not only do you have to do that, but then you have to be the star on top of that. So you got two dynamics going on, and that's why a lot of people they hire, you know, that that business manager to help them, you know. But um, yeah, so I would I would say that, you know, I never thought I would be where I am today. And, you know, and then, you know, sitting here even talking about it. Right.

SPEAKER_04 53:06

We're not six feet under and dead.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

I should be dead, right?

SPEAKER_04 53:10

Yeah, I can't believe that. Okay, so now, Ms. Keto, we need to hear your bad advice. We have some fan questions that want to know your bad advice. Oh, geez. Okay. Okay. Uh, how did you learn? How do you learn to sit with yourself when you spent so long trying to escape?

SPEAKER_02 53:28

I learned to sit with myself by the detachment, by the practice of detachment. And really it's through my yoga practice. The way that I sit with myself is really through my yoga practice. I mean, at first, of course, was putting down the drink and drug. Okay, but you know, now this is what I do. So it's by breathing, right? It's my breathing and then my my practice. Sometimes I have to do a pose, or maybe I throw up into a headstand or a twist or something like that. Or I'm always like putting my leg here and there.

SPEAKER_01 54:01

Oops. Is that PG? Is that PG? All right, if you just come back.

SPEAKER_04 54:06

My mind wasn't what it was.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

Okay. Well, I have to throw something in there.

SPEAKER_04 54:12

That's the bad advice. Okay. Strike a pose. Yeah, I like it very bowed. Madonna. Okay. If you're as someone else, someone else wants to know, if your opinion, in your opinion, what does healing actually require from a person? Because oftentimes we don't see how challenging moving forward can be. So, what does healing actually require from a person? How does one heal?

SPEAKER_02 54:36

Willingness is the key. We have to be willing to be willing to be willing. Willingness. And it could just be a little bit. So as long as you have a little bit of willingness and you think, well, and it doesn't have to be 100%. All right. It just there's just like it's this little voice that says, I think maybe this one's yapping, but this is going, I think maybe. Yes, you can.

SPEAKER_04 55:02

I like it. Okay. So last question. If someone feels like they've gone too far to come back, what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_02 55:12

I know the way home. Yes. I know the way home. It's like, take my hand. I know the way home, right? Right. We're responsibility. Yeah. So there is a way out and there is a solution. And we are sitting here, we are sitting here lives in living color, and that's the proof right there. You do not have to sit in your misery. You don't have to sit in your addiction. That's the truth. The lie is that you think you do. So it's the comeback is always greater than the setback.

SPEAKER_04 55:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

The comeback is always greater than the setback. So if you think you're in a setback right now, don't you worry because your comeback is coming right now. You hear it right here.

unknown 55:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:56

That's Ava's bad advice. Yeah. Thank you. Well, that wraps up another episode of Ava Divine's bad advice. Okay, what I took away today, you want to hear my bad advice? Yeah. Okay. So Ava's bad advice is fortune, fame, appearance, uh, what's in your bank account does not equal validation. That's not gonna fix you. Or I'll speak for myself. It's not gonna fix me. It doesn't validate me. It's an inside job rather than an outside job. Love it. Yeah. Thank you so much, you guys. Stay tuned for next episode. Over and out. We're often told that if we change our bodies, we'll finally feel comfortable in ourselves. Body dysmorphia, self-image, and the deep disconnect many people feel in their own bodies.

SPEAKER_03 56:52

You are told to act or dress a certain way, and that was not the way in which I felt. Were the kids bullying you? Oh, they bullied me from day one. They would write fag on my locker because I had to graduate early and get out of there.

SPEAKER_04 57:06

The pressure women faced to conform to beauty standards and the shame often attached to plastic surgery.

SPEAKER_03 57:13

The boobs got bigger, the lips got bigger, you know, and then you but you always have this like you were better before. I've always hated how I look, I've never been at peace with it. Really? Because I see you as absolutely beautiful. I've not accepted anything. Okay? That's okay. And I don't know if I ever will.

SPEAKER_04 57:32

Botch surgeries, complications. Health is so much more important to me than a zero waste size. We question whether fixing the outside ever truly heals the inside and what it actually means to build self acceptance in a world that constantly tells us we are not enough.