Ep.4 - Buena Vista, Baseball & Brotherhood

June is Men's Health Month, and today we're talking about something that affects far too many men and families: the tendency to ignore symptoms, postpone doctor's appointments, and put everyone else's needs ahead of our own.

Our guest today knows that story firsthand.

Mike Marquez grew up in the west side neighborhood of Buena Vista, in the shadow of the Asarco stacks, in the community many people remember as Smeltertown. Like so many men of his generation, he was raised with values of hard work, resilience, and putting family first. Today, at 73 years old, Mike is a husband, a father of three daughters, and a colorectal cancer survivor.

Joining him are his brothers, Victor and Bobby, who shared those same childhood experiences and have stood beside him through one of the biggest challenges of his life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hello and welcome to the Cuido The Adepastal Podcast. I'm Teresa Weedo. Joining me is my co-host, Izzy Mora.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello. June is Men's Health Month, and today we're talking about something that affects far too many men and families. The tendency to ignore symptoms, postpone doctors' appointments, and put everyone else's needs ahead of our own. Our guest today knows that story firsthand.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Mike Marcus grew up in the Buena Vista neighborhood in the shadow of the Asarco Stacks in the community many people remember as Smeltertown. Like so many men of his generation, he was raised with values of hard work, resilience, and putting family first. Today, at 73 years old, Mike is a husband, a father of three daughters, and a colorectal cancer survivor.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Joining him are his brothers, Victor and Bobby, who shared those same childhood experiences and have stood beside him through one of the biggest challenges of his life.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Gentlemen, welcome to Cuidate el Paso. Thank you. Thank you. When we uh thank you very much, Mike. We appreciate that and we appreciate you all sharing your stories because it turns out that a cancer experience affects more than the patient. Oh yes, yes. It affects the entire family. And sometimes we forget, even because we get married and we move on with our lives, that the very basic family unit is our siblings, our brothers and sisters. And they're the ones that are really have been with us the longest. And so when you go through an experience like cancer, it's extremely important to have that support network. So let's talk a little bit about your all's relationship. Tell us a little bit about growing up in Buena Vista. What was life like back then? What year, Maso Menos, what are we talking about? And what was the dynamic between the three brothers? Now, just to be uh clear, we have Mike, who's the middle brother, and then we have V Victor, the eldest, but not by much. And then the baby of the family, but not by much, Bobby. So, gentlemen, tell us a little bit about your experience in Buena Vista. What was it like growing up?

SPEAKER_04 2:07

Well, we used to play baseball in the street, plus food, football, basket, and uh we had a lot of little friends there playing with us, but it was pretty nice growing up there.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

How would you describe kind of like your typical after school pull? You know, the you'd play games, I guess, out on the street, just like we all did back then. You don't see that anymore at all.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

We always played baseball. Uh it was a main base.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

What position did you play?

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Second base, catcher. Sometimes I would pitch, you know. Brothers, was he any good? Yeah, he gave up on it too early.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Oh, you mean we could have had an MLB player.

SPEAKER_04 2:46

The reason I gave up was because I started having knee problems. Oh, really? And they took me to the doctor, and the doctor told me he better stop him from playing ball because he's gonna grow up and he's gonna have a lot of pain in his knees. And sure enough, that was true.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Wow. It's amazing that they knew that even back then. And so tell me a little bit about your all's family dynamic. So um, is it just the three of you all? Do you have other siblings?

SPEAKER_04 3:13

Um We had a stepbrother. Uh-huh. His name was Nacho Luran. Nacho Luran. And uh he got drafted in 68, and he got killed in Vietnam 69 on Memorial Day. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

On Memorial Day. That is amazing. Uh so um tell us a little bit about your parents. I mean, what did uh your your dad and your mom do, or uh was uh what was life like an everyday life in your all's household?

SPEAKER_02 3:43

We were never inside the house, so we just played outside and cung around with everybody.

SPEAKER_04 3:49

My my dad was a sportman. He liked golf, he liked bowling, he liked uh baseball, softball. And at the time he used to play with a team cardball, and they would go to the La Union, New Mexico, to play. He worked in a sarco too.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Oh, okay. That brings to mind uh uh what we were gonna talk about, and Izzy, jump in whenever you'd like. But um you all did kind of grow up very close to a sarco, and that was one of the reasons. So your father worked at a sarco.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

He actually attended uh elementary school in Smeltertown. In Smeltertown, right? What was that like?

unknown 4:23

E.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

B. Jones, that was the name of the school.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

What was that like? E. Jones. E. B. Jones. I thought you said Davy Jones. I'm like, he was he was in the monkey. He was in the monkey. Yeah, with your mask.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

What was that like? Was it a big school? It was a small school, just to seventh grade. Yeah. It's with an illiteral elementary school.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Corsane was from first to fourth grade, then from fourth grade, chapter to E. V. Jones.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Court Shane was the grade school then. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

So how many uh I just like want to for our listeners to kind of get a feeling of what was like uh life like that. So we're talking about what, the 1960s? Is that right?

SPEAKER_04 5:00

Yes, like 6063 when they killed Kennedy. Right. They send us one we're alerted.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. I I know lots of people of your old generation. I'm slightly younger, not by much, again. But uh, but uh yes, I mean that is one of those milestone moments that everybody remembers what they were doing when that occurred. How many people were in your class? I mean, uh again I've about 20, 15. Really? So you really did have a very small, tight-knit community in Buena Vista and in Smeltertown.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Everybody knew something that we miss nowadays.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Yeah, it was a very tight community, and we can kind of contrast that a little bit later on because uh that's exactly right. I mean, it was this very small community. Well, so then your dad worked at Asarco, and then it just turned out that all three of you also worked at Osarco. So did you all follow directly in your father's footsteps, or did you do other things and then end up at Asarco? And what was that experience like?

SPEAKER_04 5:56

I was the one that I didn't want to work there, I wanted to be a music teacher. Oh wow, all right when I went to Asarco, I was not married, so I said, um just worked there like two years, three years, so I could buy me a Corvette. And I never did. 27 years. But you got married, yes, so got married like three months later.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Uh after you started Asarko? Yes. So you kissed the Corvette goodbye. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

So I had two opportunities to buy one, but both times my daughters needed a car more than I needed the Corvette.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

So, bottom line, it wasn't in the cards for you to have a Corvette, but it was in the cards for you to be an amazing dad.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

I was gonna say that too. I mean, that's a really good dad. Yeah, that's all right. I'll give up my Corvette dreams for you. I'll say one thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

If it would have been me, I would have been driving that Corvette. So tell us a little bit about um the values that were instilled in you all back then. I mean, there's a big generational difference, as you all know, because I'm sure that you all uh have younger people in your family now, and even in our families, you know, the younger generation even more so. But you know, it seems to me like back then uh families were a little bit closer, and especially in a small community like your old. Um tell us a little bit about the values that you all were raised um with with um from your parents.

SPEAKER_04 7:21

One of them was being clean, all the being planchados, yeah, having your shoes chined every day, taking a bath every day. Yeah. Helping out with the kitchen wash the dishes, to help mom wash clothes because at that time we didn't we didn't have the washer for two days. We used to put it on uh what do you call it? Runk. Latina, really?

SPEAKER_01 7:46

You did the old-fashioned scrub your clothes with it.

SPEAKER_04 7:49

Wow. It was a lot of work for just one mom, you know? Right. She was sick. She had heart problems since she was born, I guess. Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

So you all pitched in to help her the thing that she instilled on well that I remember most. That's what she would say.

SPEAKER_04 8:12

And that was part of growing up because my mom was most of the time in the hospital. She was sick. She was that sick, really. She had a stroke and was paralyzed.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yeah. And let's see. Victor, how old were you when that happened? I was I was like about 12 or 13. About 19. Wow. So I mean, uh again, you know, those types of situations make a guy grew up fast.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Yes, because after after high school, uh stayed at home. Do dishes, laundry, yeah. We had to help her out. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

And at that point, were you already working at a sarco, Victor?

SPEAKER_02 8:56

No. I was working at Paso. Paso Riley. I worked there for five years. Got out, went to Rainbow Bread, worked, worked there three months, and then went to Osar.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

So now going back to you all seem like you all really pitched in, but you said something really interesting, Victor. You said that what was instilled in you is that just being available to help people is a good lesson that any parent can give their child because one of the things, and I don't want to, you know, uh attack the younger generation, but going back about what you were saying, Mike, about um always being dressed, having your shoes shined, and presenting yourself and kind of showing up for people, showing up for yourself, and showing up for other people, that's sorely lacking in today's younger generation. Especially when you see kids in, you know, young men in their pajamas at the grocery store, and you're like, I don't want to see that all the time.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Right? Yeah, slippers and pajamas, right? And tank tops, if if that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Back then they would say, um, portate bien. And that was it. Nowadays you tell them, be on your best behavior in one ear off the other.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Right? That kind of thing I would miss.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

That kind of segues into a question that you had wanted to ask, Izzy, about um Yeah, because when I think of older aesthetics and older teachings and those kinds of things, you know, it's that, oh, you know, you you don't cry, you know, you you you buy stuff for the family, your provider, you're the you're the you know, you you're the final decision, you don't have feelings, you don't get scared, you know, you're you put on a front.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

Yeah. Sometimes we get into a machismo problem thing, and we shouldn't be that way because that was part of our father saying you don't cry, you know. Right. And you're supposed to cry because we're human. Yeah. That makes you relieve pain and whatever, because it hurts.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

How long did it take you guys to get to that point though?

SPEAKER_04 10:46

We still I should still have it. We we still have the machine moving.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Let's talk a little bit more about that. I think that's an interesting thing because I mean we all are our father's children, however you look at it, right? And they were doing the best they could from the generation they came from, uh, and try to instill in us whatever they could, and sometimes they weren't all good things and they weren't all bad things, right? But um, unlearning some of some of that macho machismo is a lifelong journey for men. Talk a little bit about your all's individual lifelong journey of letting go of some of that machismo. Like what moments would it have been that would really kind of bring down a little bit of that guard? And I know it's not all gone, Victor. I know that what you're talking about. It's not easy for a lot of guys. I have I have many brothers, I mean five of them, all in your all's age group, so I get it.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

It's probably when we got married that we had to lose a little bit of it. Yeah, well most of them.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Because that'd be a rolling pin in your head if it wasn't.

SPEAKER_04 11:48

I couldn't tell you quite the difference because I only had girls, three girls. Wow. And they're hard. Yeah. They're harder. I don't know if they're harder than boys.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

What are you guys thinking? So, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

I have a daughter and my son. So do so do I. My my eldest is the daughter. I see. And I've got the the smaller one, it's the boy. That's the son.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

So now that's an interesting little kind of uh chain. So, you know, we we kind of get a feeling of what you all grew up with in though that time and where men really didn't talk a lot about stuff, and particularly when we're talking about Vietnam era and we're talking about all these things where, you know, we as men, back then I'll include myself in that because I'm still old enough to have been part of that. But the thing is, is that we were, you know, not expected to cry, talk about our feelings, talk about loving. God forbid that we would hug each other like men were to hug each other and say, hey, what's going on? It's just we weren't grown, we weren't raised that way, and that the world was different back then, you know. So um that's an interesting journey. Um, has it affected your all's individual relationship with each other?

SPEAKER_04 12:56

Now that some of Bobby and myself, we became more close because he's a year younger than me. Right. But with Victor, I was like distance. When I I uh when I was little, I used to tell my mom, what is this guy living with us? Throw him out, throw him out. She would tell me, he's your brother. What a brother? Yeah, but he doesn't belong here, throw him out.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

I started playing baseball at the age of five. My dad was a manager because that was the only way I could get to play, because Lilik was at six. So from six all the way to sixteen years, I played baseball. Wow. Summer, winter, you name it, all around. And I was never at home. During my summer, I would usually uh play on the all-star teams. We go out and play out of town.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

So I really were you were never at home. Your whole life was baseball back then, huh? And leaving Mike to wonder who the hell is this guy? Yeah, whenever he was there. Yeah, and so you and Bobby developed more of a sibling relationship, right? Um, was being the older brother kind of opened the door to maybe a little bit more sensitivity? Because I did know I'm the baby of my family, and my brothers were much nicer to me than they were to each other. Uh, do you have a little soft spot in your heart for the baby brother?

SPEAKER_04 14:27

Kind of weird because when I went into a sarco, that's when I became more uh uh brotherly to my brother victim. Really?

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Just because he was never home. And and so you got to see like kind of reintroduce yourself to him, and then working together helps, yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 14:47

One day he got a basketball for Christmas, and I was like the cutest church of the family. I got uh the ball and I said, What happens if I put a nail and you know where you pump the hair? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:59

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

So I put a nail and I bounce it like that, and I never told him until like five years later. You never told me I thought it was flat because it just went flat, and even though I put in a nail and it just and my football too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 15:15

Oh no. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

You didn't learn the experiment the first time. So I was curious all the time.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

That was actually one gonna be one of my questions. Of the three of you, which one got in trouble the most? Me. Mike was the troublemaker, huh? Well, I obviously he's deflating, you know, all the sports equipment in the house.

SPEAKER_04 15:36

I was sorry, I was a black chip of the family.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Really? What made you feel like that?

SPEAKER_04 15:41

Because this guy would just drink and not me. I I went into drugs and playing around with drugs and it wasn't nice, but I went into it because my mom passed away.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Right. Well, that's understandable. I mean, and and it's uh I appreciate you being so honest about that. Because that's also some of the things that we all want to hide sometimes, but it's part of our past. Yes, and we've come through it. I mean, obviously, you know, it was just part of the ex that period in your life. Um, what was that like for you?

SPEAKER_04 16:14

At first, I thought it was like real challenging. Like I never I had friends who were heroin addicts, and I was scared to try heroin. I never did. So I just tried different kinds of recreational drugs, but uh they were not nice. Sometimes it was something that I wanted to escape from the reality.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

I see. Well, that's certainly understandable, and that's why a lot of people start using drugs. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

We had uh a couple of cousins in a sound bedpool.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

There were five boys Durang and five huertas, and they all were drug addicts, really. They all went to prison.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Yeah, um, was that part of uh the small community that you were from too? Because it was I I I understand the dynamic of you know what what happens in small barrios and in small neighborhoods and housing projects and in all these type of places where people of similar circumstances are are in this little area together, and if one starts using drugs, very likely from it.

SPEAKER_04 17:29

Yeah. That's why I moved to Isleta. Really? Yes, to be away from the my crowd that I the little group I used to hang out with. They were cousins. Wow. So I just no, I don't want to I don't want to get married and be close to these guys because what age were you at that time, Mike? I got married at the age of 21 years.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

And that's when you decided to get out of uh of Buena Vista and move to Isleta and and kind of start again. And so of the kind of new lease in life was your marriage and your wife Susan. Right. Victor and Bobby. And that is maybe difficult, but tell me if you could describe Mike in one word, what would that word be?

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Funny. So I always had a good sense of humor.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Would that be your word too, or what's your word?

SPEAKER_03 18:16

Yeah, I think you said joker.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Prankster. Prankster, joker? Wow. Midnight Joker, apparently. But not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

He still does. He's always sending jokes to Mike.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Oh, yeah. He said he still does the money. Oh, he still jokes. I know that's the first thing they came to my mind. But no, anybody that spends any amount of time with Mike knows that he has got a smile on his face, quick with a comment, and makes you laugh. Music. And music.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Very good. He's always into his music. Everywhere we go, we get together. He's always got music. Here. Listen to this, man. You know, and that's good. Yeah, we were in Chico the other day.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

And it's cool that he shares that music with you because that's a big part of um uh I think friendship and music is universal. It is universal. And also it's cool when you can share it because it creates that moment that you're sharing with that person. You want to see you're seeing how they react to the song, or they may not like it, or they may love it, or they like see or what you hear, but you're sharing that moment. Um, but that's actually a very important thing. So uh musical and funny, those are all very nice things.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

It's growing up, we were a lot closer than Victor and I. Yeah. But with Victor, I spend a lot of time because when he was playing, I'd go uh for a bad boy.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

You were the the jury. Yeah, there you go, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

And and they took me out when they left the town to go play. I went with them a couple of times. That must have been a good time for a young boy, huh? Oh yeah. I was what eight, nine? Jeez, that's great. Yeah. And uh with Mike, we played uh baseball for a couple of years, but then as he grew, we uh he started playing uh playing music or liking music. I like the music and that kind of separate us a little bit. Right. Because he went into music with different friends.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Oh so you develop your own interest after that, and it sounds to me like sports was not your number one gig to begin with.

SPEAKER_04 20:31

So you kind of found your own path. The reason I started playing uh the drums was because natural stepbrother, he used to be in the marching band with Attack High School, and we when he would go play for the games, football games, he would dress up with his uh marching band. Wow, he said, wow, I gonna I'm gonna wear one of those, one of his days. And I grew up and I went to Paso High and I did You did it? Yes, the marching band. And you played drums? Yes, yeah, and you still play drums, yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

Yes, all right. Let him tell you how he learned to play the drums. There was Lost. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:12

Really?

SPEAKER_04 21:13

Plastic metal little those five-gallon little the the buckets, the five-gallon buckets.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Yeah, losinos where they used to wash. No way. We used to use those ones and other ones. You just turn them over and you would you have what kind of did you use drumsticks on it? The wilderness. Really?

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Yes. That's amazing. Yeah, we practice behind our house. He was a drum. Uh uh cousin David was get took over the saxophone, but my my brother-in-law, Rudy, he played the saxophone too. Kill my level. Level. So you had a band. Yeah, we had a band, yes. They made a band. The emerald.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Emerald! The emeralds. Like the the jewel. Yes. The jewel. That's cool. What made you decide that? Just because it was the guitar player's mom.

SPEAKER_04 22:07

She told us you should be the emeralds. And she bought us like green, green uh little jackets real nice.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

That is super cool. So now like that is like in the 70s now, right? Is that is that kind of talking about 69? Yeah. Wow. And so the emeralds, and so and you guys remember hearing the emeralds play? That must have been a really good time for you as a young man, huh?

SPEAKER_04 22:31

Yes, it was. And what kind of musical is it? Like the all these emeralds.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Yeah, they were all these even back then. So like I'm assuming songs from like the 50s and 60s, right?

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Yeah. The bad thing about it, Ted, was my dad never bought me a nice professional drum set. So one day that I was going, I went to Rudolph with $8,000 cash. Because I saw a Corvette there. But I had a little old truck, Patalia. And I got off, and the guy that was gonna sell me the car, he saw me. He went over there and he said, What uh can I help you? Yeah, come and check out the Corvette. Well, I don't think you can afford it because he saw my truck. So I went real sad and I got in my truck and I went down by uh Montana, and right there on Montana was a music store. It was called Duncan Music Store. So I went in and I said, hey, and I saw a drumset, everything set up and everything, $2,000. Symbols, everything, hardware. Hey, how much do you want? $2,000. Like that? Yes, I'll take it. So I put it in my truck. Wow. And then I went to Cardice Chevrolet, and then I got off and I saw this little Volkswagen, real nice. And I said, Hey, how much do you want for that? $4,000. I'll take it.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

So I said $8,000 on you got a Volkswagen and a drum set all in one day.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

And did you go back to that other salesman who wanted to sell you the Corvette?

SPEAKER_04 24:08

I blew up the money.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

It would have been like that pretty one moment. Big mistake. Big mistake.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

But you think that I had my professional drum set.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

That is so cool. Okay, so what I'm hearing is the universe really didn't want you to have a Corvette. Yes. But it did want for you to have a drum set. Yes. And a wife and three daughters. Yes. And be able to buy your daughter a car.

SPEAKER_04 24:30

Yes. That's all very cool. There you go. That's right. So I made a business. I bought me a little sarong song for my drum set. And Victor's daughter, she graduated from high school. And she said, Hey, you want to play for my party? No, what do you want me to play? Just play what you play. So at that time we used to use the LPs. So I had to carry a lot of LPs with me because it wasn't possible. I didn't have equipment to have tracks or computer, nothing like that, you know. So that's I played for him. Then I started getting more people. Hey, how much do you charge? How much do you charge? And I started playing every Saturday and Fridays when I was off from Osarco. And I started playing for the older boy alumni, the Jefferson. And they would like the quad I played. Hey, you play nice music, nice music. Well, I would charge like $40 an hour. Wow, good for you. Wow. So you were DJ. What's your name? Tokamela Sang. No, then it's too bad. That's a bad name. No, why? And the reason I put tokamela saun because they used to go to my house and we start drinking it. Hey, tokamisa can see. So I said it's melee congo tokamela saun. I love that. I do too. That's very cool.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

We're very very creative. Just kind of emotionally. How has your all's relationship grown as brothers? My relationship with them is closer now. Because what I went through.

SPEAKER_04 26:11

I see.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

We all went through it. I too. That's a good point. Let's go ahead and transition into that.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Um he had cancer.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

And you both, you're also a cancer survivor, is that right? Yes. Okay, so Bobby, tell us a little bit, and now I'm gonna ask both of you, both Bobby and mine. When did you first uh think something might be wrong? And how did you react to it? And what was your first instinct of what to do?

SPEAKER_03 26:35

I went to the to my doctor and he took blood, you know, blood test. And it came out I was a anemic. He says, uh, you're anemic. Why are you anemic? Do you notice you lose blood somewhere? I said, no. So he said, Okay, what I want you to do is uh go for uh colonoscopy. And that's where I found out that I had cancer. And we knew about it because my dad, my dad also had colonic. And uh that's what uh he died from.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

About what age were you at when when you got that diagnosis?

SPEAKER_01 27:17

I was about 45, maybe 50. Bobby, what was going through your mind um when you heard the words you have colon cancer?

SPEAKER_03 27:28

Oh no, we we my wife was with me and and we broke down. We broke down and from from that visit to the doctor when we went down to uh she she worked for for a couple doctors and we went to their office and they said no no don't worry about it. We'll take care of it. So right away they did surgery on me, and I was lucky that uh it hadn't spread. Um but it it was uh was uh one and a half centimeter, something like that. A tumor? Yeah, and so I got lucky.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Bobby, uh before your diagnosis, um would you see a doctor on a regular basis?

SPEAKER_03 28:19

Uh or did you just Yes, yes, I I uh my wife, myself, my stepmom, my mother-in-law, everybody went to that doctor.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

I see.

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Even though he wasn't a uh he was a specialist, wasn't just a uh medical uh what do you call it, a general he was uh uh specialist, but he took us all in. And I guess that's what saved me.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

That's amazing. So you were actually part of the medical system, as it were, for a long time. And one of the things that we know about men in general, particularly Hispanic men, is that um they kind of hold off on care, you know, as long as there's no problem. I mean women's uh bodies are different and they kind of get involved with doctors at a much younger age and it becomes part of how they do things. Hispanic men, Latinos, Chicanos, all of us approach things a little differently. And it's kind of one of those if it, you know, if it's not broken, don't fix it, and let's just ignore it. Ah, we'll stybe in, that sort of thing. So it's very refreshing to hear that you actually did see a doctor on a regular basis, and that made a difference.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

The thing is, when my dad was diagnosed that he had colon cancer, and he passed away. Victor was the first one to go to uh see a doctor for that.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Really, Victor? Yeah, but tell me about that.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Um well when my dad passed away, I was 50 years, and I remember going to the doctor and I asked him, uh, I need to have a colonoscopy done. Can you do it? He told me, you're too young for a colonoscopy. You're 50 years too young. So I I told him, no, I want to go ahead and do it. I need to do it because my dad just passed away from cancer. So after I had my colonoscopy done, uh he told me, uh everything's fine, you're fine. So two two weeks later I went up to his office for uh for the results. So I was sit uh standing by the window and he came in and he just said, You got cancer. Just like that. What? Yes sir, you have cancer. Oh my god, first thing that came to my mind was my wife. And I was working for Job at that time and my son was working also. So I'm thinking, how in the heck am I gonna tell my wife? And how am I gonna tell my son? Oh okay, so I drove back to Job for work. As I go inside the office, the first one I see is my son. What happened then? Uh I got the results, Nico. And phone cancer. And he likes, I don't know, he usually faints when when things like that happen. So I called my wife and I I told her and she said, stop playing, don't be horsing around. No, it's true. That's what they told me. So I get home, he's there with Lucy, his wife.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

And they're already there. Bobby was already.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

Yeah. They uh had already booked doctors for me. So a couple of days after that, I went in and had my my uh procedure done. I had uh 12 inches from my intestine removed, so that was kind of scary. Yeah. Now if I would have said, okay, Doctor, I'm too young, never mind. I don't know what would have happened because one of the polyps was cancer.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

That is an amazing story. Um, and I do believe that the screening guidelines have changed now. Is that right, is it? I was gonna say it's 45. Yeah. So good for you. Uh, from learning from your experience from your brother, even from your father. Even mine.

SPEAKER_04 32:35

You're supposed to get an exam at 40.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Even mine was. I got my first colonoscopy with uh Dr. Hernandez, but he retired, and I think he went to work for uh uh Thompson somewhere. So I saw another doctor at the same office. And my first colonoscopy, he did it, and everything was he says I burned a few polyps. So I got rid of a few polyps. But then he said, uh, we'll see you in three years. So uh he left and he said, Stay with this with this guy, with this doctor. So I went for my second colonoscopy. And he cured me. He says, No, you're fine. So but he like again he burned a couple of polyps. But after that, two years later, is when they found the wow.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

So it sounds to me, uh, unlike a lot of men, right? Is uh you all were very proactive. I want to talk a little bit about uh this was all prior to Mike's diagnosis, which was uh in August of last year. So it's not even been quite a year. So um you were diagnosed with colorectal cancer, is that right? Well, I didn't know I had cancer. Right. So let's talk about that. Um let's talk about one, when did you first think something might be a problem? Um and and how what made you decide to to move forward in terms of of trying to figure out what to do?

SPEAKER_04 34:21

Well, that day I was we're watching TV. Got a real bad pain, like real bad, and I stood up and I couldn't stand the pain. And I told my wife, you know, we went to bed. And at one o'clock I couldn't stand, I couldn't even be on the bed. And I didn't want to wake up my wife because it was one o'clock in the morning. So at three o'clock it got real bad. I went, hey, you know what, you need to take me to the hospital. So she took me to the hospital. Once I got in the hospital, they put me to a through a camera, and he said, You got a blockish. You got a big ball. We're gonna have to take it off and see what it is. The doctor said, I think it's cancer. So he took off the the 12 inches and he got the whole thing to the cancer. He went to send it to the lab and it came back and it's cancer. But it was a stage four because it started spreading to my lungs, I think, and my kidneys, the liver. So he said, uh, you're gonna have to go see a specialist, uh, oncologist, uhcologist. And he said, you know what, I saved you from not wearing the bag. Because they were gonna put me a bag. That was the first miracle I saw. Not only that, first miracle I saw was that doctor was there at the time I needed him. Because he's from he was like from Africa. I see. And he did, he said, you know what, I also removed you uh uh a hernia. Wow, well a free freebie. I told him it's a freebie, yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

He was there right next to it. Well, so I figured it was as I have the hood open, I might as well check things out.

SPEAKER_03 36:15

He had a colonoscopy before. Right, before he got his cancer.

SPEAKER_01 36:20

And colonoscopy came out good. So that's an interesting lesson. Um, in that uh I think that uh, you know, screening is extremely important. And one of the things that we certainly encourage uh all men to see a doctor at least once a year and to get the proper screenings because you know um the doctor will tell you what you need to have screened, right? What you need to check for.

SPEAKER_04 36:43

When you say screening, what you do, but right I never had that symptom. I never had anything, just the pain. So I thought before they took out my gold bladder because I had a pain too, and I said, take me to the hospital. So they went into and they had to remove the cold bladder because of the pain. It was like 30 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

Wow. So, Mike, uh, let me ask you when you were diagnosed and they told you it was cancer, um, I'm assumed I would I would think that your brother's experiences came to mind almost immediately. What were you going through emotionally at that time?

SPEAKER_04 37:19

You know what, Ted? At that time I said, he said, we need to open up and take out that thing. Go ahead, just do what you have to do. And I just said, you know what, guy? You take care of it. And he did everything like it was supposed to be, like it's a miracle. I'm a miracle guy. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Speaking of miracles, I don't want to keep people waiting too long, but we have good news in that your cancer is controlled.

SPEAKER_04 37:44

Oh yes. Uh Thursday next Thursday I go to the doctor. My when they take up blood, they they have a cancer count. And I started with 907 on December. And then two months later it went down to 207. Like a month later, it went down to 43. A month later it went to 19. And my last infusion was like a month ago. It went down to 13. That's amazing. That's a that's what I tell you, my miracle.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

And um, that was the result of the chemotherapy treatment? Yes, a chemo. Talk a little bit about that, Mike. Um, what was going through your emotion? What was your emotional state during the whole process of treatment? Because it takes a lot out of you. There's no denying that. And um, and uh your brothers didn't really have chemotherapy because they were able to uh be detected early and remove it with surgery.

SPEAKER_05 38:45

Surgery.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

Right? Uh and so in your particular case, you knew that you were in for a fight.

SPEAKER_05 38:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Uh so what was your approach to that fight?

SPEAKER_04 38:56

Well, I had to, I said, well, I need to take it because if I don't, I'm gonna just die. So I said I better take it. My thought was, what am I gonna go through? But I had a two-hour seminar with some nurses telling me of what the side effects of each medicine was gonna have. So once I knew what I because I had some thought what's gonna happen, like, what am I gonna go through? Like, I don't know. So, with that uh seminar they gave me with uh telling me what kind of side effects, uh, I started saying, well, I'm just gonna leave it to God if whatever happens. Like right now, I'm going through side effects. And and this one is about neuropathy. And neuropathy, I read on it, it's gonna take from one to two years to get back my feelings. Because the chemo killed every every nerve, every nerve, it killed my hairs in my nose. That's why I get like uh viruses when I breathe something like probably allergens. Allergens or whatever. Yeah, and it's real painful because it it uh causes me a lot of pain on my nose, plus taste of my mouth. Sometimes I feel real weak. Like I just want to lay down in bed. And the worst one was like diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Yeah, yeah, there was a absolute. I don't I don't wanna no, no, it's an absolute side effect of the treatment for sure.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

Right. So I had a hard time with that, but thank God I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

And I know that your family support was always there. That's uh not only did you have your brothers, which I talked about is the people that have known you the longest on the planet, you know, are your siblings, right? Your wife and your daughters. Um, how has that emotional support uh helped you during this process?

SPEAKER_04 41:03

Well, it it helped me out because it shows me that they care. Everybody cares. A lot of even here in the day we were here, yes, your sisters or whatever, hey, you're gonna be alright, you're gonna it makes you feel good, you know.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

There's a lot of goodwill. One, you're a very charming man, first of all. And people to know this man is to love him, honestly. You know, it is an honest truth. I don't say that about a lot of people, but I'll say it about you, and I say it proudly about you, Mike. And so all the people that meet you uh wish you well. Uh and uh and I think that's a lot of your energy.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

That's what it is. Even at the center, I made a lot of friends because I would take me like little snacks, and then uh, hey, would you like some? Yeah, I'll take some and you know, and they became friends. Food is the great friend maker. That's right. So I think this way God gave me a stamp for me to make people happy.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Wow, that is a very brave outlook in life. I think that's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 42:10

And and and you know, I'm I'm happy to say I'm a miracle because I'm the proof. I'm the proof. I don't know how long I'm gonna last. None of us do, Mike. Yes. We're all gonna hand somewhere and around, but it seems like three years or two years, whatever, I'm I'll be more happy.

SPEAKER_01 42:29

What lessons have you learned from this whole experience? It could be medical, emotional, psychological, whatever the case may be. What are the lessons that you learn from this experience?

SPEAKER_04 42:39

This lesson comes from my mom, Ted, because when I was small, I would my mom was always reading the Bible. And I would ask her, why do you read that book? And she would tell me, This book gives me life. I didn't understand. And I would ask her, if you were to ask God for something, what would you ask for? She would say, Time. Wow. Time.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

She was 47 and she passed away. That is an amazing thing to ask for because that shows you what life is really precious is when you're so I understand.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Yeah, yeah, what time means.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

That's right. That's an incredible lesson to learn. That is an amazing story. Thank you all for sharing that. I want to talk a little bit about um men in general. What do you all think prevents men from looking, uh seeking help medically and emotionally? What do you think some of the barriers are that are affecting men in our culture, Hispanics, Latinos, Chicanos, however you identify? Um what do you think are some of the obstacles that stop men?

SPEAKER_04 43:53

Because uh Me wash a cat and I don't want to have that, you know, and uh most of the time it's money. Yeah. It's gonna cost me a lot of money. Time.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

Didn't want to waste that time. And you said ego. I think that's true. All of those are all absolutely true. Do you think those are excuses? No. That are hiding fear?

SPEAKER_04 44:14

Yes. It's fear. Fear. It's fear.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

I think that's one of the things that I've learned in working on this project is that I think what hell holds a lot of men back is fear. But because we're men, we don't want to admit it. We don't want to admit that we're fear.

SPEAKER_03 44:30

They've always said you go to the doctor, they're gonna find something wrong with you. Right. So that fear is instilled in you.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

So you don't want to go to the doctor. Right?

SPEAKER_01 44:40

Yeah. Ignorance is wished. It's better that I, you know, so I it's better for me to to to feel a little uncomfortable than to confront it. But in reality, to be quite honest with you, that's kind of the irony about being macho.

SPEAKER_04 44:54

Is that what I'm gonna say? Macho.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

Yeah, it's the opposite, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 44:59

Yes. Talk about that, Mike. Well, sometimes, like you say, no, I don't have any symptoms. I don't need to go. I'm just gonna wait. That's part of being macho, like, oh, I can't handle it my way, you know. But no, you have to check yourself because you don't know what's going on inside yourself because there's signs, but you don't always notice your signs because lack of knowledge, lack of going in to see what kind of uh symptoms you have. Because when you go urinate and it's too yellow and it's foamy, it's telling you something's going on with your with your your system of your kidneys. Yes, correct. Or when you go in the bathroom and there's a little blood, right? Something's going on. You have to check and you have pains sometimes. You have to go to the doctor.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Yeah. Um, and so and the and not just that, but one of the things I um was the caregiver for my parents. My parents both my parents died separately, but at the age of 90. My mom went first and then uh my dad left uh when he was 90. And I started taking care of them in their late 50s, early 60s, and getting them to go to the doctor was like pulling teeth, literally. And they would say, I feel fine, I don't need to go to the doctor. And I would say, Listen, the reason to go to the doctor is because you feel fine. So that in case anything were to happen, they would be able to help you without there becoming more complicated issues in the future. What do you all think of that kind of preventative uh approach to health care?

SPEAKER_03 46:45

That Bobby, go ahead. I think they they the the mention is still in the family voice that you need to get your checkups, that you need to go to the doctor for say the heart, the stomach, whatever, and go from there. That's right. If they don't tell them, they don't do it. And it is it to me it keeps you from going.

SPEAKER_04 47:17

It's because your wife can tell you you have to go. No, you don't care.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

We all know that.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

One day my stepmom called me. What? Yeah, he was up fixing the air conditioner. I used to do that all the time for him. And I get to the house and I told him, come on then, vamos a l'ospital. No, no, no, I'm fine. No, no me pasó nada. No, dad, vamos a llegar. No vine yokis. So let's go get on the truck, bum. So ringo.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

So he hobbles over and good for you for making him go to the doctor, but uh he was putting on VIX before.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

I don't know what he was.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

Yeah, that's true. That's like the that's like VIX uh on steroids. Yeah, that's for serious issues, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

But at the same time, you get relief. They check you, and no, you're fine, okay. Otherwise, you're just thinking, am I really something wrong with that?

SPEAKER_00 48:30

Which is which goes back to the things that you were saying about get checked, don't don't miss don't get it pass by. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:38

What advice would you all give a young man? I mean, let's talk about 18. Uh there's risks for certain cancers at 18, like testicular cancer and and uh and yeah, yeah, even so, you know, you know, it's it's you know, even though prostate uh cancer is considered an elder elder uh older personality.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

Yeah, it's more commonly right.

SPEAKER_01 48:59

But it's never too early to start to see a doctor so that you can kind of m work your way up to that kind of care. So what advice would you give? Okay, um I I I guess I don't want to say what advice would you give your younger self, but what advice would you give an 18-year-old man today about taking care of himself for himself and for his family? Just go to the doctors, don't be scared, you'd be fine.

SPEAKER_04 49:30

Good advice.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

He'll catch everything on time, and you'll live happier.

SPEAKER_04 49:36

Mike? With me, the thing is this when you go to a doctor, just ask for your lab work and ask questions of your uh your your cholesterol, your uh HCTs, your blood levels, everything. So they can explain to you. Don't just get it and roll it up and put it in your pocket.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

That's a very good point because you know what? We don't talk enough about it's enough, it's hard enough to get men to go to the doctor, okay? Okay, let's take a step back. It's hard enough to get men to listen. One, okay, and I think all of your wives would agree with that. Uh and it's also hard enough to get men to go to the doctor. It's hard enough to get men to listen to their doctor, but part of that is to ask the right questions. Yes, so that you have to take responsibility for understanding what's going on and not just put everything on the doctor. Um it's you up to you. So that's very good advice. Is that something that you did before or during this?

SPEAKER_04 50:44

But when I started, the thing is this I went to a doctor, uh he was an oncologist, and he would tell me, Your blood is too high. No, my blood is too thick. It's supposed to be below 50s, 39, 40, like that. Mine was at 52, 55, and it was real thick. So they took had to take a pint of blood every time my blood would go above 50 because that would create blood clots and would create a like blockage in my veins or whatever. Right. And then he would tell me, when was the last time you had a colonoscopy? I told him, Well, last year. And he was, I think he told me, I think you need another one. I I just listen, nah, it's okay, I already had one. But he was telling me something because he saw something on the on the on the chart of my blood. But he didn't tell me. He would circle things and I would ask him, What is this? No, you're doing okay, you're doing okay. But there was a sign there that was telling me something was wrong. Until now, then I go to the this this oncologist, I ask him, and he tells me. He uh the uh cancer count, everything like in your blood, everything, your history is right there.

SPEAKER_01 52:11

It'll tell you. You know, that's kind of an interesting thing because you know, we talk about machismo and being the man and taking control. Take control of your own health, take control of the situation, and and and learn these things for yourself.

SPEAKER_04 52:27

Yes, your child is gonna tell you about your life, what's going on, and you gotta as the Dr. White explained to me now in terms that I can understand. Because what you tell me, they use big words and you know, so they just leave you like, what the hell's going on?

SPEAKER_01 52:44

Right? No, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 52:46

That's a very good one. One of the things that was really great about all three of you is that you're persistent and you all have pursued it. Um, and oftentimes, so I I think a lot of men might just go like, eh no, it's okay, but the three of you have persisted after it's like there's something wrong.

SPEAKER_01 53:03

Have worked out has paid off has paid off. Well, you as testament to the three of you are sitting around this table, all three of your cancer survivors. Yeah, Victor, what advice would you give to a young man about his health?

SPEAKER_02 53:14

A young man, I would say the best thing they can do, go to the doctor and have lab work done. I think the best thing. Check your cancer, whatever. Yeah, that's gonna tell you. Blood tests, everything shows up.

SPEAKER_01 53:33

Get to a doctor and let them do their job and ask all the right questions.

SPEAKER_04 53:37

I think it's pretty easy. You can go to the doctor and ask them, hey, can you check me for my colon? Can you check me? Because for a prostate, there's uh GPA or something like that. GPA. BPA, yes, with your blood. Not only that, they can do it manually. Right. And manually is better. It's more accurate. Yes, yeah, it's not a nice feeling, but you know, you're gonna feel better when when uh they tell you you're doing okay.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

That's right. That's a good point. Yes, yeah. I mean, you're talking about uh how many seconds of uh displeasure um as opposed to a lifetime of uh horrible cancer experience if they don't catch it. The pain you're gonna go through. Right. Very good advice, gentlemen. This has been an extremely frank and honest discussion with people that I think a lot of guys in El Paso can relate to. So with a great deal of gratitude, we want to thank you all for sharing your story. All of you, Bobby Marcus, Mike Marcus, and Victor Marcus. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_04 54:44

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 54:46

It's our pleasure, and cuidate.

SPEAKER_04 54:48

You got it. We have