The Summer Switch | Episode 16

Episode 16 — The Summer Switch

June hits differently. Suddenly it’s graduations, backyard parties, weddings, long weekends, and endless invitations — and for many people, alcohol is still assumed to be part of all of it. In this episode, Maxine and Isabelle talk honestly about what it feels like to move through summer party season alcohol-free: the pressure of the social script, the lingering worry about how other people perceive you, and the strange guilt that can come with leaving early or seeming misunderstood.

They also explore the “rosé all day” culture of summer and what begins to replace it when alcohol is no longer at the center of the season. For Maxine, it’s tennis and early mornings. For Isabelle, it’s time in the garden and being fully present for long summer days.

They also correct a confused listener and take some constructive criticism to heart! Funny, thoughtful, and deeply relatable.

Please remember to subscribe to the podcast and to visit our website at:
www.happyafpodcast.com

Transcript

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Hi everybody, I'm Maxine and I am happy alcohol free. I am Isabel and I'm happy as fuck. And we are back for episode 16. We have so much. We have so much to catch up on. I haven't seen you in a million hours. We've we've both just had really full schedules the last couple of weeks and um haven't seen each other. But today, a couple of things. We're gonna catch up. We're going to talk about what I call the summer switch, like switching into summer season. Yes. Which makes me so happy. We live in a state where we have very, very defined seasons, four of them. Which are thick season, mud season, green season, and winter season. Actually, I know there's actually somebody does this on Instagram where Vermont has 11 seasons. Because you've got probably in one day. Yeah, yeah. No, it's so true. It's one there's like 11 seasons in one fucking day. Well, and I joke, while we may have the very defined seasons, one of them is seven months long. And it is winter. Um, so so when it comes to the point where I'm like, it's summer and things are getting green, so happy. So we're gonna talk about all of the things that go along with switching over to summer, which uh often involves all the different alcohols. Yeah, yeah. Um, but speaking of alcohol, let's start while we catch up, let's start with a liquid wine. I'm so excited about this one. So me too, because now like there's more of wines like this coming about that are super um, they're elevated and they're sought after. Like this, you can't just buy this in the store. Did you know about this one, or did I introduce you? You so I had read an article about it. Okay, then I went to try and buy it, right? Sold out. I couldn't get it. They're marketing genius, they do that. So bid a wine. Also, by the way, women. Women, women own and they're actually a real, well, I shouldn't say real, they're vineyard and they do alcohol wines. Yes. They do uh yes, they do a low alcohol Syrah's, which if I weren't so prone to drinking too much, I would probably drink. But I if I have a 3%, then I'll drink a case of it in one night. Yes. Uh but it's three percent for those that are trying to moderate, that's amazing. And then they have the alcohol free and the So while let me just show it to you. Please. This is Oceano. Oceano, Oceano Zero. I don't know why I'm saying it's not a few. They're from Washington State, right? Washington State? Yes. Yes, yes, yes, they do a Pinot Noir from Washington State. Spectacles. A Shiraz that's low out. Oh my gosh. Okay, let's read about it for a moment. Yeah, born of vine, sea, and soil, crafted. Spanish Springs Vineyard, this is from San Luis Obispo Coast. That's north California, north of California, northern California. Farm farmed by hand, substainably I've messed up in English. It is Sunday morning while we're recording this. Sustainably grown, aged in French oak, mineral seabed soil. I know they're crack this bad. Their pinot noir is so fucking good, and they're marketing genius because they make a limited amount of vintages and they run out. Yep. And then you're like so. This is my first time tasting it, and it doesn't matter that we are recording at nine o'clock on a Sunday morning. Oh, listen, I used to drink booze sometimes. Like if I were traveling, I was like, there's no time. No, exactly. Oh my god. It doesn't exist. I'm in Rome at the airport. Well, it's two o'clock in New York. Like I would drink. Let's taste this. By the way, gorgeous color. Smells like smells like wine. Wine. Like good wine. Uh 10 calories a glass because I just see that written on the table. Yeah, and it's kind of low. It's low sugar. Let me see. I forget where it is. It's low sugar. This is amazing. Oh, stop. Maybe we shouldn't talk about it because that was fucking sold out again. I want to keep it for me. I already bought a case. I need to buy another case. It's not cheap, but it's worth it. Alright, I'm going for it. Uh it's amazing. I love it so much. Fuck, it's good. I like it. Okay. Wow, we're so self-indulgent right now. Like, what are we doing? Oh, we have a podcast. And by the way, for summer, we need to start getting into rose. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. The whole rose all excuse for starting early at the lake. It's like it's just right. So, like when you'd go, like, let's say it was a sunny day, you're like, I'm gonna spend all day at the lake swimming. And it's a lake that you don't have motors, just electric motors, so you don't have to fear. So, and you're like, I'm gonna swim, I'm gonna paddleboard, I'm gonna do all the wonderful things. And then I'd sit on the dock and it's quiet with the wind, I'd be like, rose is not alcohol. 10 o'clock, man. Open a fucking bottle of rose. And the problem is by four, all the plants you had are like gone to the wind. Because even though you're not technically drunk because you've been drinking all day, you're like the day drinking, it is different. Oh my god. I had so many things firing in my brain right now because we haven't seen each other for a long time. Um, but let's start with the fact that it is supposed to be summer today in Vermont, and you and I are both like gardeners. Yes. It is pouring, pouring, pouring rain. But I woke up this morning to get everything, you know, organized and uh I have have a big, have a very full week this week. And so I wanted to get, I want to take tomorrow off. Just take a day. But so this morning I was like, okay, it's pouring rain, but I woke up at late because I was I was went to bed late last night for me, 11 o'clock. Right. Oh god, that is gosh, it was crazy, crazy, crazy late. But I told you our story is performing by the time we got home and everything. Um, and uh this morning I woke up and I I there's something about sun, I call it Sunday morning magic. Right. The joy that now almost two years for me. Same. The joy Sunday morning were my hangover days. Right. I mean, the the of the the days I was hungover in my life, Sundays were probably the most common because two drinking nights are. Friday and Saturday, and Saturday night was either out for dinner or date night. Right. And and and so it was I would like six o'clock on Saturday evening for me was always the all bets are off. Right. And so you're a late bloomer at six o'clock. For me, like I was already hitting like the dessert wine at six o'clock. No, no, no. Like we would be cracking open a bottle of champagne at six o'clock or making a really delicious martini at six o'clock on Saturday. Um, but but for me, like we've talked about how the timing was always different, then I would be opening a nightcap bottle at 11 p.m. Right. Right. And so then we're up until 12, one, two in the morning. So Sundays were just typically really, really rough for me. And so now when I look at my little wake-up thing on a Sunday morning at 5:30, 6.30, whatever, right? 6:30. I slept to today was a miracle. I just, I have it, it's like a tingling joy of going, I will never ever have one of those Sundays again where I feel sick. Blurry and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never, ever, ever, ever. And it it's just it's magic. And and and I know there's the you know, the pink cloud and the honeymoon phase of anything that has not dissipated from. And I don't know if that's still pink cloud, that could just be waking up feeling great. And by the way, even when it's pouring out right back on the lake thing, you know, where we're gonna talk about summer. Last year was my first summer not drinking. And I remember being like, shit, am I gonna do the whole beautiful sunny day at the lake and no rose? And someone had given me a trick and it worked so great. So obviously, NA wine for me was like my go-to. And I started like drinking at 10 in the morning, same. But if you're tempted, especially in early sobriety, if you're tempted to reach out for booze, what you do is you think about how you're gonna feel in an hour. Yes, right? Yes, and you say it's full. Oh man, I'm gonna feel groggy and that swim I was gonna have, I'm not gonna do it. And then I'm gonna start eating a ton of chips, and I'll feel bloated. Like you start playing it forward, and then you by the time you're done playing that movie, you're like, oh no, you know what? I don't want it. So that's a little bit like you know, those gorgeous mornings. Yes. Every time I've had, I haven't had real temptations, but every time you look around and you're like, oh, everybody else is drinking, and you think of that morning, you're like, Can I tell you? I was at a party recently, right, and it was so much fun, but a couple of people were really drunk by the end. And all I could again, have at it. Go for it. Go for it. I'm so excited. You're clearly having a great time. But all I can think about is me not feeling that woman's hangover the next day. Right. No, in like I played, that's how I play it forward. Right. Where I'm like, you're having a blast right now, and I remember the days where I'd be like, all right, let's go get another martini somewhere. And and when I have those FOMO moments, that's what I play forward. And it's I play forward to the she's having an amazing time right now, and and no inhibitions, and blah, blah, blah. But tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be so clear and happy and playing tennis early in the morning, and and I don't, and that that helps me. It really is a useful too. And it's funny that you're mentioning the FOMO because I was at a party too recently. My sister turned 50, and uh it was great. It was great. It was a mean character. Yeah, we had a top, it was a big party, and now almost two years sober. So I brought my own non-alcoholic wine, although she had made provision. Okay, but um, I actually ended up drinking my own stash hidden in a corner simply because I didn't want to get in line at the bar. So it was just easier. Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny that at 54, we like you would think we would be over FOMO and fitting in. And it's so and that's the only thing that I remember thinking. So I never cared for fitting in. I like to dress different, I like to look different, I like to speak different. It actually, when I was a kid, I used to have nightmares that my hair would grow. I used to shave my head. My dad would remove all the locks in the bathrooms because he fucking wanted to kill me. I was punk, you know, I was 13 years old. I'd shave the side of my hair and I looked like I had a brain surgery, right? And my dad was like not for it. So he would remove all the locks. So I would stop locking myself and shaving down my head. Oh and I remember You were such a rebel kid. Oh, you know, and I remember I would have nightmares about my hair growing back to look like a preppy. Oh my god. And that was a nightmare. So my point was I always wanted to not fit in. That was my trademark. But when it comes to booze, I second guess myself. I'm like, I have this FOMO of even though I had a good time and I wasn't thinking about drinking, at the end of the night, like if I felt if I left early, did I leave early because I wasn't drinking? Did people notice I left early? Are they like, oh my God? And I'm like, why did I why do I give a fuck? I don't give a fuck about anything else. What is it about the booze? It's it's you know, it is part of I think it's the social framework that we have so been steeped in. I still have those moments too where I think, oh, do I not hear from that person because I think because I don't drink? Do I am I like am I missing? There's I just think it's human nature. We have made a decision in our lives that is still at this point, although I don't think it will be in the future, we are still going against the social norm. But how crazy that, like, how crazy, and I always pride myself to be someone that doesn't get influenced easily, but that's bullshit because they got me with that like so. You're right, it's a social framework. They really like how crazy that it took something and convinced us that if we don't do it, we're missing out or we're not fitting in. And even though I know that's bullshit, there's a subconscious part of me that at times questions it. Yes, I don't want to drink anymore. Really, really don't. So that's not gonna change my decision, but that I still feel is that why? Is that why? I know, and it's so weird, I know, and I I I feel it too sometimes, but I do think I feel it less because definitely less because I'm also constantly reminding myself of the very simple fact that what I have done for myself is so good for myself, but I just find it amazing that makes me realize how much brainwashing has happened that I would still sometimes think, is it because I don't drink that I don't know. Like, for instance, the other one, the other day I was watching a Netflix something, and I can't remember what it was. Oh, yeah. Uh Margo's got money problems, right? And so it's cute. And so you see at some point Margo and her mother go to Las Vegas and they get wasted, they party because the mother got married, right? And they you see that big girl bonding and you know, getting wasted and having a good time. And there was there was a little pinch in my heart. I was like, like I could imagine myself with a bunch of girlfriends going along, staying out late, not drinking, and thinking, maybe I don't fit in all the way. Yeah, how fucked up is that I would still think that. Well, I think it's normal. Again, not only are we going against the social norm, we're going against what we have trained our own selves to believe is what is fun, is what is normal, is all of those things. And um I'm trying to think where it was, where I was recently where I thought that where I was like, oh gosh, oh, and I was watching, you know, I'm still watching Bridgerton, still working my way through Bridgerton. You sexy kitten. Except I have to keep if someone, you know, where I watch TV in our house is like lots of open space. Yeah, oh yeah, I know exactly where you're watching. So you can't hide, but I love the big TV in there and I love the couch. So at the what when I hear my son coming in, I'm like, pause. I'm like, what do you need? I was there like, what do you need? And and and of course, when he looks at it and sees all the period costumes and all of that, he's probably rolling his eyes, but I'm like, oh, if only you knew. But they were talking in a scene, oh, it was pre-a pre-wedding scene, and they were talking about getting really drunk, and then it was okay, you're gonna drink a bottle of that tonight, just remember tomorrow morning something, something raw eggs, shoot raw eggs. And I was like, whoa hangover. Oh my god. It's like the the pre-empting of the hangover. But I think going back to that playing the movie forward in your mind is is one of the most reliable tools I have to counteract those moments where I'm like, oh, pinch my heart a little bit. Right, right. But then think about not not worth the price. In my case, when it pinches my heart, it doesn't make me want to drink. So my I think my point is for those that are starting the journey or thinking about it, is that although I don't want to drink anymore, like there's not an atom in me that wants to drink zero. I feel too great. And also, could we just cheers on that? Oh my god. Because that is not that is the thing we got to keep talking about. That's no part of me wants to drink it. There's not a part of me that wants to drink, but it doesn't stop that I'm still a victim of the brainwashing, so that sometimes it pinches, not pinches that I want to reach for a drink. No, no, it just pinches, right? Yes, and and it makes you think like, wow, I really drank the Kool-Aid. Yeah. So what I'm saying is like for people that are maybe considering this for their health or their well-being or whatever, just know that we have been subjected to a lot of brainwashing. Yes, yes, you know, and I didn't think I had, but I'm realizing, yeah, I had, you know. Yeah, so I want to tell you that um the the episode we did, first of all, the last two episodes have been going crazy. Like people, I don't know, maybe we're getting better at this. I don't know. Um we're certainly learning a lot. But the last two episodes, so the one about the question and answer one. I love that. Oh my gosh, people loved that. Right. Loved, loved, loved the meatiness. Someone had said, oh my gosh, I love when you so we're gonna keep that in the rotation every few episodes. We're gonna do a QA. Um friendly. And I oh gosh, sorry, I put that plant there because I'm I I hate the pet. There's an outlet right behind it. That's all right. And when when when we built this studio, we never thought we'd be making a podcast. It's like there's our things. But one thing I thought was really funny because one of the amazing clips that Priscilla does, you know, where she clips us. Yes. Did you know this also? Sorry, it's I I've had three cups of coffee this morning, and I feel like my friends all over the place. But Priscilla does the clips, and I think I had sent you this clip about clipping podcasts. That the future of podcasts, because of a yes, it's no people aren't even listening to the whole fucking thing anymore. A little tea. I love those little clips. Love those clips. Anyway, we have the amazing Priscilla who does our clips. Um, and our twin assistants with her twin assistants who talk about the women who don't know how to drink. Still maybe they should use a still one of the funniest. But she was laughing about um, she did that, she did the clip where where you had said, wait, what? Other people listen to this that aren't like your mother-in-law and my husband. Um, and there are a lot of people who have written in. And by the way, please, if you are listening and you love us, could you give us a little review on on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen? Um, because those are really helpful to make other people go, oh, uh, and but the the questions, people loved the questions and the comments. Right. And I there is plenty of, as we all know, uh-huh, hate on the internet. Yeah, and the people who who share their hate, I you know, they they don't deserve the time of day. However, there were two things that I saw that were not, I wouldn't say hate. They were critical. They were critical. Constructive. One of them was constructive, one of them was, oh, you've just completely misunderstood us. Got it. So now that they're in my head, I'm gonna read it. Just go for it. First one was one woman wrote, and we are getting better at this. One woman wrote, I love this podcast. I want to continue to love it, but I really want you two to stop talking over each other. Oh my God, it we do talk on top of each other. So guilty. Just about to do it again. But we do this when we hang out, right? Right. And when we're at a bar or we're at a restaurant, you and I are we have so many thoughts to share with each other that it's and it's but we are working on it because it doesn't work on a podcast to talk over each other. Because I was listening to it and I felt the same thing at this person because it it makes your head spin to listen to two parrots talk on top of each other. So I've been trying to be mindful, but the problem is that I will say we need to stop talking on top of each other, but it's hard because then you say something that I think is really relevant and I want to add to it, so I don't want to forget it. So then I'm listening, but not listening, and I don't like that feeling. Yes, I know. So let's look, but we are getting better at it. We're getting better at it. You know what Brooks says in my family? He says, the women in your family, they listen with their mouth. And once I told that to a man, he said, Wow, lucky bastard. So both you and I listen with our mouths. Hey, Andrew. Okay, so that was the one thing that I thought. But she's right. She is right, and we are going to continue to be mindful of talking over each other. But I thought that was wonderful. And I love those things when people give you something constructive. But then there was one that wasn't necessarily constructive, it was completely misinformed. Okay. Um, and there's there was a healthy amount of hate in the in the little paragraph that he or she wrote, which was um, yeah, this is all we need. Trying to teach people about uh addiction from two privileged white bitches in Vermont. Oh okay. But so I'll own it. Hold up. No, we're not teaching shit. This is the thing. I'm like, we might be own the white bitch. We might be white bitches in Vermont. Definitely we are very fortunate and privileged to live where we are, to have our health, our husbands. We earned it though. We don't nobody not neither one of us is hurt us is born, not what we had was ended to us. No, no, no, no. I didn't win the fucking parabol. Okay. Um, anyway, uh, although I have a lot of plans for that when I do. It's um so so that part of it we own, but this is what I wanted to talk about because it was misinformed. We are not. Teaching. No. We are not asking anybody to be sober. We are not psychiatrists. We are not sober coaches. We are we are not any of those things. We are two privileged white bitches who live in Vermont. Yes. Who happen to quit drinking at the same time? Who built a bond and a friendship that is so deep, so connected, who make each other pee our pants laughing, happen to make lots of other people laugh. And we are here to entertain you. Let me entertain you. That's what we're for. We're not sentence. So I cannot remember the whoever that person was, but it I just wanted to address that. Boom. Not helping, we're not trying to help you get sober. We're not trying to tell you to get sober. That's not what we're doing here. I think, I think we're I think what we're doing is a for me it's free therapy, number one. Yes. Number two, the only thing you might learn is some good NA options that you didn't know about. Number three is if you're sober curious. I think you missed number two. No, that was number two. What was number one? Number one was uh it's free therapy. Oh, yes. Sam's still with it. So number three uh is if you're sober curious or you're starting to quit drinking and you're like, shit, you know, I wish I could talk to somebody, but A, it's not my thing. We're just talking to somebody. Yes. So relax, Mr. non-privileged white woman who's gonna be. I totally think it's a man, but yeah, it's gotta be. But he needs to take a chill pill. We're not teaching shit. I agree. I agree. Relax. Anyway, let's talk about this whole switching to summer situation. Um it is, right? Here's what happens in the summer. I get all excited again, because we've come out of seven months of winter, and um, we I'm getting all my patio furniture out and my cushions, and of course, I did all of that yesterday. And today it's a monsoon outside. So, you know, Memorial Day in Vermont, you just cannot know. But along with that comes, and and this is something I know all of our parent listeners will appreciate. We call this month May Mayhem. And we're going to go into June because it's graduations, right, it's um end of school concerts, it's wedding recitals, it's weddings. Oh, by the way, people loved the wedding episode too. Okay, yes, which is funny because our two weddings were hilarious. Um, so that whole summer and it's invite season, right? We also live in an area where a lot of people come to for the summer. Yep. Um, and so we're I'm seeing people at this time of year that I haven't seen for the winter season. Um, and with that comes automatically still all of those parties, all of those celebrations come with an expectation of drinking. So let me ask you, your first, so this is gonna be both our second summer, not drinking, right? So your first summer, I know my first, but you how did you and especially in a place where it's Nordic? Like I'm from Montreal originally. I just want to make a parenthesis. My dad had the funniest story about North summers. So years ago, like obviously he's past now, but long, long time ago, he was a big shot in a private firm, and he was hosting a client, and the client had his own plane or something, and they had to go way north of Quebec to visit a mine or something like that. And so the man was from England and he's he asked the pilot, hey, uh, Mr. Pilot, so um when when does summer arrive here? Like, how long does it last? You know, and the pilot took turn to the man and said, Well, last year, sir, it happened on a Tuesday. But, anyways, to finish my question, so what how did you handle last year, like your first summer sober, especially in a Nordic climate, when we see summer coming right away were celebration, parties, drinks, pool, cocktails. So, how did you that's a lot of triggers all wrapped up in one season? Yeah, how did you handle it? So, a couple of things for me, again, great NA options. Um and you already discovered them by then? Uh some. Okay. Um yeah, discovered that avenue. But knowing that I had it, got it, right? Knowing that my the bucket sitting out on my patio that I fill with wine for people coming over for a barbecue would have lots of good stuff in it for me. So that was a big thing. The other thing for me is the activities that I've always loved to do, like being in my garden, uh playing tennis, playing golf, things that that uh that are outdoors that we don't get to do in the winter. Um I really leaned into those things. Right. Like I leaned into, and I have come leaps and bounds in tennis, not in golf, although that's on my radar. Getting back on those. So me too. This year, my son plans to be a professional golfer. He's gonna take over Rory McElroy. Um, he's gonna take over from you in a couple of years, um, be the next great Irish golfer. He he um has asked me to get better at golf. Oh, good. Because I go out and I play with him, right? And he effectively caddies and coaches me at the same time. Yeah. And the other day, you've met Gabriel, you know him, he's 13 years old, and I get to a bowl and I'm like, I don't know what club, I don't know how far this way this is away from the hole. And what and he looks at me and he, this is maybe the eighth hole now, and he just looked at me and went, this is exhausting. It's like, I wish you would get lessons. So, anyway, they gifted me lessons for Mother's Day, which is fantastic. Oh, that's a good thing. And this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. But so those things I leaned into the thing that I love. Uh and for that can be, you know, many things walking, hiking, swimming, blah, blah, blah. All of the things that could and for me were negatively impacted by alcohol consumption on a sporadic basis. And I listened to uh, oh my gosh, Glazier, the famous comedian. Oh, Nikki Glazier. And she's sober. She is sober. And I was listening to a podcast with her the other day, and she nailed something that I feel so much so. I and you are we're we've we've talked about this a thousand times, you and I personally. We were never in AA, we were never in rehab, we never didn't turn up to work or any of those things, so didn't have a problem in that um you know, category that at how it's classed as a problem. But she talked about I was underperforming because of it. I wasn't performing at my optimal level, right? And I and she said, I looked down the road and thought, imagine looking back and saying, I didn't reach my height, my peak, because alcohol was holding me back. And so I think that about a lot of other areas of my life. But for summer, leaning into tennis, leaning into things that that I could underperform because of a hangover, that I mean, I now try to play tennis in the summer every day if I can, whether it's with a ball machine or with Andrew or with my tennis friends, and getting out on the tennis court at eight o'clock on a Sunday when it's not, you know, torrential rain outside, that really helped me fill the space that would have perhaps been being filled with rose all day. See, for me, like not being a perfectionist, I'm okay being a B plus, right? So, like what Nikki Glazer and a lot of other people that have said that won't call to me because I'm like, fuck it, I'll be a B plus. B plus is good. It appeals to me. So, but in I'm vain as shit. And so in the I would think in the summer, like, I remember thinking, let's say we're lucky enough, white privileged bitches from Vermont. Oh my god, never renamed the podcast. I know. You know what? Yes, let's just call it. It's not happy AF anymore, guys. It's white privileged bitches from the biggest. Netflix special, baby. Anywho, we have a salted water pool and a lake house. And so I wear bathing suits a lot in the summer. And I remember thinking, if I were drinking booze right now, I'd feel that bloat in my bathing suit and feel like shit. Whereas when you're not drinking alcoholic, you don't feel you know that bloat. You might not look bloated, but you feel it, right? And you also feel the I used to feel like I just looked old with a hangover. I don't know, just and there's a pallor, a color to your skin that's not quite glowing, no matter how much glow recipe shit I put on my face. It's like the under underlying dullness that alcohol that hangovers bring to your look. Um that playing forward that like I'm gonna feel bloated in my bathing suit, or I'm just gonna feel like shit in two hours. That that's what kept me like, yeah, fuck it. I don't want it, right? Uh, because as I said, I was okay being a B plus, right? So um, and you were talking like you're gonna have graduations coming up and all of that. So are you gonna so are you throwing a graduation party? No, because I don't have a grad uh a kid graduating. Um, but we have my kids are in in um, you know, I've lived in America for 25 years and I still don't get the numbers of school things correct. No, Gabriel is in seventh grade, uh-huh, and Rebecca is in tenth grade. Do you know they use the term sophomores? I have no idea what these things are. Like a freshman, and then this and I'm like, give me a number, like give me for us, it was secondary one, secondary two, secondary three, you know, and then you're in university. In Ireland the same. We have a completely different numerical system for for school. Um, so neither of them are graduating into any, it's not a special year of graduation for them. Um, but there are you know it's the end of the years. So there's um galas, and there's uh we were actually at a school gala a couple of weeks ago, and it was amazing there were non-alcoholic options on the tables, there were non-alcoholic options at the bar. So I think that is becoming more and more. And we talk about our stores that we go to, right? Nature's Market, which is another one in our town, um, that we love. I was in there speaking to them the other day. The selection of non-alcoholic options is just growing. I I want to say it's growing by the month. Like every time I see new stuff when I go in there, and John and Joey at Nature's Market, we love you so much. Um, actually, I was in there by the other day, and Joey was like, Oh, you know, sometimes I just look at my inventory and think, oh, I think Isabel's coming in this week. I better stock up. Did he not say that? I swear he said that to me. Oh my god. I so the thing is, and Brooks wanted me to talk since we were talking about summer and drinking. It reminds me of one of my funny drinking stories, but I've really replaced my amount of booze with the amount of NA. Similar quantity, the same amount. And it's funny because there was a thing on Instagram, this woman who's been sober three years, I don't know who she is, but she was giving now, talk about someone who seemingly is not a professional and it was giving her seven rules of to like what you should not do and should do to remain sober. Should, should, should not. We never say should on here. Uh not should be. But she she was like an authority, but not an authority on the subject. And her number three was to not drink mocktails or in a wines because even after three years for her, they become a trigger. And I'm like, for you, for you, you know, for other people. So, but Brooks wanted to meet he's like, you gotta tell them about the Banyules story since we're talking about summer and booze. What word did you say? Banyules. Banyules is a place. So do you remember? Let me tell you. So we like storytelling here. So Banyules is in the south of France, okay. Uh, two hours north of Barcelona, and they make a very famous dessert wine called Banyules. It's very close to a port, so it's a fortified wine. And we know I don't like ports, right? Because remember my bagules. Okay, Banyules is a tiny little uh village perched in the the Pyrenees, I believe they are, uh, right on the Mediterranean. And my in-laws, so do you remember the story where I said we Brooks and I, when we first dated, like a few months into it, went to England, London, yeah, wasted. And I was like, my friends never spoke to me again. And I was like, shit, I guess I do have you know skeletons in the closet. Well, okay. So that hangover ties into that story. Okay. So I'm like, look, one of the top four hangovers in my life, and I can drink. So that was like that was something. And we drive that morning to that tiny little airport in London, not Gatwick. Or Stan, one of those two. And I kid you not, I I haven't vomited like in 30 years. So that, but that day I thought I may. I was that hungover. Okay. So we fly into Banyu's where my father-in-law and my stepmother-in-law, Patricia, who's English, lived at the time, and I've never met them. And I have the hangover of the fucking century. When we land, I around 2 p.m., I realize, oh no, no, now I have the hangover. Before it was just still drunk. Yes. Right? So I'm like, oh shit. And my stepmother, Patricia, makes me look calm. She's quiet, energetic. So I have got to meet Patricia and she hadn't seen Brooks in a couple of years, so she's already jacked up, like excited. So we land, and I'm like, oh man. I I mean, I there was maybe it's a tiny little airport in Perpignan, and there might be 20 people, and then I see out, and there's like 100, right? Because I see that triple. So she grabs us, and everybody's like ends in the air, like she don't care. And I'm like, oh fucking A, like it's hitting. I'm sweaty, I'm like bloated. Yeah, and you know, you speak and you're like, I think people can tell. You know, when you feel like your head, it's like you had too much head cold medicine. Yes. That cold medicine is like a big thing. Like your brain is a little bit swollen inside. So I'm like, fuck. And I've never met these people. So and she's like, we are going to party. And I'm like, no, dear lord. So they grab us in the back of the have this old Land Rover, like from the 80s with all the windows open and stuff. And they take us to this, they call it the Kajut. Okay, it's a little fucking hut in the rocks, on the side of the Mediterranean, gorgeous. It's like something you would see in a food and wine magazine with the light strings and all that. Light string lights and gorgeous, but to get to it, okay, you have to go off-roading on the side of a mountain, in the rocks, and you're like, right? And every time I'm like, that's that's the part I'm puking on everybody. I'm gonna puke on everybody. I'm gonna puke on every like the whole time. It takes a half hour, and it's like like this, right? Like he has to go in low gear. I mean, it's fucking treacherous, sober, fucking hungover is like amazing. And I'm like, this is gonna end bad. So I keep it in. I re-swallowed my vomit a couple of times. I had to, I couldn't puke in front of everyone. You know when it goes like and you're like, fuck. And they didn't have water or anything. So we get there. And so uh, number two, they make this giant paella, like because you're in the there, you're in the Catalan country, right? So paella, Spanish influence. Huge pots of paela, like they throw in everything. I'm highly, highly, highly allergic to shellfish. It's not a not because I'm picky, I have an epi pan, I can't eat the stuff, I can't eat the rice around the stuff. I'm just highly allergic to it since I'm born, right? So gosh, I go to Brooks and now my hangover is starting to dissipate because they handed me a glass of rose. Okay. So I just went straight back to drunk. Yeah, yeah. Right? And but you know, I'm like, I need to eat something at some point. Like your stomach is completely empty because you have you've been so sick all day. So I see them making paella, and I go to Brooks, I'm like, do they have anything else on the menu? He's like, Nope. I'm like, okay. So so far it's going good. They're putting the rice, they're putting the chicken, they're putting the saucisson, whatever. And I tell him, listen, um I'm really allergic to shellfish. Can you ask your stepmom to just save me a plate before they put the fucking shrimp in it? And Brooks is like, oh, I don't think they put shrimp in this part. And you know, we're dating just three or four months. I didn't be now. I'm like, I would have marched over and be like, I need a plate. You know. But I'm like, okay. And at the very last minute, and you know, at this point I'm starving. Now I'm just back on the rose. I've already had a bottle of rose, an empty stomach hung over. Like, you get the yeah, now I can't even feel my bloat. I'm so past bloated, like I can't feel it. I've numbed that. Yeah, right. And at the last moment, I see them arrive with two big buckets of fucking huge gambas right on top. So now can't eat anything. So on the worst thing over my life, I spent another 12 hours drinking rose on an empty stomach. I just had a couple of baguettes. So I woke up the next day to tell you how I felt like the following morning. So basically, I was drinking for 36 hours on an empty stomach. And then we went to pick up grapes because it was vendange. I mean, like, I it's like a whole blur. So the times when I travel, travel is still a trigger for me in the summer where I'm like, oh man, am I missing out? I remind myself how I felt that morning after that that more, like that whole 12 hours of like drunk, hangover, drunk, hangover, bloat, no more bloat because you're so boozed out. I mean, just like and I remind myself that there's no such a thing in my life because I've tried as one glass of rose. That's like you know, anyone else in that situation, feeling that hungover and sick, would have drank water, had maybe one glass of rose and a shit ton of saucis son sec and bread. Yeah, no, I was like, let me have a shit ton of rose, because if I'm gonna have calories, that's way more important. Yeah, and the tiny little bit of sus and a tiny little bit of bread. So, you know, that's so that's my like you know, go-to story when I'm like, I need to not drink. And it regards, it's it's funny that you talk about like the go-to uh, because we've at the beginning of this, we were talking about playing the movie forward. Yeah. But I have, and I talk about this often too, is the the sliding doors thing of what it would what it was like before. And so you're talking about remind using that as um as a balancing out, you know, the sliding door, and you're going, okay, let's put this this replay this old movie in your mind. And then suddenly you're like, you know what? I don't miss anything. I have a couple of those, I mean, I have many of those, but there's one, there's one, there was one hangover that I had, and it was right before I started my 75 hard. So it would have been quite a summer. Yeah. It would have been the summer before I started 75 Hard in September. And again, I say this all the time, and people are like, What made you just wake up one day and quit drinking? I'm like, I didn't wake up one day and quit drinking. I woke up one day and started a new health regime that was a challenge that led into me never drinking again. But that hangover was maybe the first that ever made me cry. Like a epic one. Uh like it made me not not crying from the sickness, no, crying from the sadness. Right. Like I that that was a big moment for me where I was in my bed, uh probably on a Sunday morning, uh-huh, and probably had a big party at the house the night before. Uh-huh. And I woke up that day, I was hung over, so, so hung over. It was a hot, beautiful day outside. And I remember crying. I just lay in my bed and I cried. I cried at disappointment in myself, at sadness for how I was feeling, sadness about what I was going to be missing out on today, disappointment in how I was gonna have to manage myself this beautiful sunny day with this sickness. And um, I go back to that hangover any moment where I'm like, have the little twinge of FOMO. I'm like, remember that day you fucking cried because we thank you. To just romanticize and remember the good bits. It's kind of like when I was smoking cigarettes, right? There was nothing like the first puff. And all you have to try to do is recreate that first puff when you keep smoking and keep swimming. So it's like the drinking. We remember the good glasses of wine, the one that you're sitting in a nice bistro and you just had the one. That's what kicks the FOMO in. Right. That's what kicks the FOMO in. But you know, when for people that are trying to quit drinking or have done so, remember those good nuggets of stories that bring you back to reality. And by the way, when you're talking about hot, nice summer days, is there something worse than a fucking hangover on a nice day? No. At least if it's raining, you're like, fuck it, you know, just like watch Netflix all day. But when you wake up and it's sunny and you're like, oh no, I could be biking, I could, but instead of it like shit. It puts it, it makes the hangover so much worse. Worse. When you look out at a beautiful sunny day and you think, wow, I cannot, again, talk about optimizing. Right. You know, you look out and you go, I cannot optimize this. X, Y, Z. It kind of put a veal on the day. Like a veil. A veil. Yeah, definitely not veal. No, not veal. No, that's a all right. A veil on the day. I have a bit of a. It's also not a sheep. It's a moo. A little moo. Oh my gosh. Priscilla's gonna have a field day. Her kids are gonna be like, why are they mooing on the on the telephone or on the while? These ladies who don't know how to drink also don't know the difference between cows and sheep. Sheep. But yeah, so that's a good one in the summer when it's nice to remind yourself you wake up with this hangover, and your old days now crummy. And it would have been such a nice blue sky day. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. So that that is a thing. And you were thinking, like a little bit changing of subject, but you're making me think before we started the episode, you said that one of your family members that you talk a lot here about reached out between this episode and I kind of want to hear about this. And I know it's off subject, but you told me, and then we have to start. And I've been thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I I have it's it's an interesting thing, and you and I have talked about this off-camera a lot, is protecting the privacy of other people in in your life. But I have talked about a family member who I have been very, very close to my whole life, who I adore, um, who has has legit battled alcoholism, drug addiction to the extreme. Right. Well, you know, I refer to the spectrum often of my aunt who has one glass of wine a year, to to a family member who has been in and out of rehab. Right. In a severe way. In a very, very severe, severe way. And that is full-on addiction. And um, I just heard from him, and it's a real cause for celebration for me, that he had marked a thousand days sober. Oh my god, wait, a thousand days, that's almost three years. Yes, yes, isn't that unbelievable? That's amazing. It's a huge because he had a severe, very severe issue with it. Yeah, I mean, almost died. Multiple times. What was his journey? Um, he became a dad. Wow, and did he cold quit or what did he do? Did he go? Yeah, I mean, we haven't, you know, it's a very um fractured relationship that um, you know, I hope we will rebuild over the years, but um parenting changed everything, right? You know, being being fully responsible for another human being, and it doesn't that isn't the necessarily the solution for a lot of people. Of course not. Um, but he is somebody who has he's got one of the biggest hearts. He's like I can see how this would be a trigger for him to say nothing is now more important than this new life that I have I have created. Did he quit by himself or did he go to rehab or did he? I mean, he's been in and out of AA his whole life, so I'm sure it was a combination of things, and we haven't, you know, we're we're we're treading gently because there's a lot of pain and a lot of healing um that needs to be done around that relationship. And um, you know, I I was on the receiving end of a lot of that hurt over the years. And um, but but it's it's yet again proof that uh you can. You can get you can get a hold of it. And I mean, not everybody can, but like look at the the number of deaths that have happened. I was talking about this in the car with the kids the other day because I don't know who was who was on the radio and I talked, oh, it was Amy Winehouse who was on the radio and I talked about the loss of life and how she had died so young. And then we got into Dolores O'Reardan from the Cranberries, and we went down this conversation path of the number of extraordinary artists, musical artists. We're a musical family, we all are singers and performers, and um the number of people that just made me sad to to think of the genius. Was that was the singer of the cranberry also an addict? Yes. I didn't realize that because she passed away, right? She passed away, but not of that. Um there was definitely it was a number of something. Yeah, okay, okay. I mean, she she was found in her hotel room, right? And and there was definitely issues. But then we talked about Michael Jackson, we talked, you know, um Robin Williams, all of these incredible humans whose lives we no longer get the privilege of access to, and and it was because of substance abuse. And that's the thing though, and also it it makes me think of when I was playing, I playing is a strong word, but when I was trying jazz piano, so for maybe 10 years, I I'd converted from classical to jazz. I was not very good at it, but I gave it a good go. And I remember uh one of my jazz teachers telling me that was very interesting. He he didn't he barely drank, barely, like maybe add a beer per week, if that. But heroin is prevalent in the jazz world for some reason, and very, very prevalent. Okay. Is that true? Yes, I did not know this. You did not know that? I did not know Miles Davis, I mean, um, Brian Mallow, uh uh Chad Baker lost all of his teeth because of heroin. Oh my gosh. Oh, Heron is like uh Ray Charles. I mean, they were it was very prevalent, and it's interesting. We had this conversation, like, which came first? Oh my god, my favorite. Oh, I can't believe that I freak um Brian Bill Evans, best jazz fucking pianist in the universe, major heron. I it killed them. Yes, and so but and my teacher was like, you can have a junkie perform the best set, but you can never have a drunk do it. And there was this this other very, very famous, not too early, uh jazz, jazz pianist, an older man passed away now. He was a drunk and he couldn't play when he was drunk. And he's he's like, You can't play when you're drunk. And he's right because I tried. I couldn't play sober, but it was worse drunk. But um, the the thing is, one of the conversations is some of these jazzists, not all of them, but some of the young people that were jazz players and stream players, would emulate tried heroin because their heroes were junkies, right? And it because it creates that aura of like coolness. And I was not, I never tried heroin or anything, I never redid drugs, but there's a part of my drinking and smoking that was influenced by people that I thought were cool that were addicts. Yes. And reversively, when I quit drinking, I had to look up at these people that were sober, right? David Bowie was one of them. And like, for instance, Brad Mellow is a jazz pianist that's very famous, who's sober too. But um, and it's so it they influence, and it's a you wonder why these artists, is it because they're artistic, therefore their brains lend themselves to addiction, or vice versa, right? I don't know what comes together. No, I think there's two things there, and it's um first of all, we're going to have an episode where you are people don't know this because we've set this lovely little corner set up. This is uh, this is my my husband's music studio. My husband is a music producer, and we are set up in a corner of his live room, and we're looking at a Steinway piano. Oh, I'm not touched. I haven't touched it. No, no, no. I've burnt everything. Absolutely not. I've I've left all my notes. I haven't touched a piano in five six. Oh my gosh. But so now here's the other thing. That doesn't say you can't. Yeah, the other thing is, do you know our video editor, Andrew, who's not my Andrew, Andrew Walker, yeah, is also a jazz pianist. Oh, I want to listen to his jazz playing. So I want an afternoon where you both just sit at the piano and play around. I can't. I erased everything, but I listened to his jazz playing. I've erased everything. But all of that to come back to, like you were talking about artists, they also contribute to that marketing around alcohol and drugs. Yes. But it is the same in the music industry. It is the same in my performance industry, where you come off stage and you're given a drink. It's the same in Andrew's business, which is the recording arts, where you go into a studio to write music and there's all of this um there's weed, there's there's booze, there's you know, because there's the perception that that you're more creative, your juices are flowing, you're da-da-da-da-da-da. You're that when when you get a little drunk about it. But it's quite the opposite. Look at this guy, I can't think of names right now. The guy who um Aerosmith, the lead singer, said that his best years as a talent were once he got sober. He was a major hero addict, and and I think I believe he drank a lot too. Yeah. And once he cleaned up, that's when he made the best ever music, right? So we're under that impression that it makes us more creative, but it doesn't. It doesn't. It fucks your performance. And again, you know, to talk about what we started with in this whole summer thing and FOMO is is what we've been conditioned to think. To think. Do you know sex, drugs, and rock and roll? That's like that, those things were put together. Correct. And and so you think, oh, we we need alcohol and drugs to to be creative, to be in a recording studio, to to make great art. It's just it's not true. Right. Um, and we now we now have all of that evidence. Anyway, we have reached the end of um our our little segment here. Oh my god. We cover I know, we fly through things. But listen, let's not worry because there's another episode coming your way. Um, I want to go back to while we wrap up this wine. Give it a little moment to your camera right here. Hold it up to the camera. This one. This one. No, this one. This one. This is you. Ching ching. Oceana, oceano, oceano, can't beat this. Ladies who made this, thank you so much. Very delicious. Um, and uh, this was a great episode. I love it. I missed you. I know, we haven't seen a while. I know, I know. And um, I keep looking at your top because it is so beautiful. I knitted it. I know you knitted it, which is I'll make you one because I still have yarn. I want one. I want one, just like that. Um, everybody, thank you for listening. Thank you for sending in your questions, your thoughts. Please share us. Please share the clips you see on social media. Send us questions because we're gonna do another QA because we love those. Um, send us your uh we don't want your hate. So if if you have hate, here's what I suggest. Scroll, scroll on by. Scroll scroll on by. I see a therapist. Scroll on by. No, no, no. You you scroll on by. But if you have um constructive criticism that we love. Yes, because it's true that we tend to talk on top of each other, and it's like, ah, but look at us not doing that. We're making a huge effort. We are, we are happy alcohol free, and we're also happy as fuck. And we thank you for listening, and we'll see you on the next episode. Have a good one. Bye. I wanna be happy, just wanna be happy. I wanna be happy, alcohol, happy, brother, bad, free.