The Bridge Between Neurodiversity Island and the World with Guest Suzanne Plumley

In this episode, Wendy speaks with Suzanne Plumley about late autism diagnosis, self-discovery, and supporting autistic adults as they navigate life after diagnosis.

Suzanne was diagnosed autistic in her fifties and now helps newly diagnosed autistic adults find love, clarity, and connection. Through her podcast, The Aspie Bridge, and her coaching work, she supports people who may feel overwhelmed or disoriented after discovering they are autistic later in life.

Wendy and Suzanne discuss the emotional journey of late diagnosis, the importance of recognizing your strengths, and learning to move forward with self-compassion instead of shame. Suzanne describes herself as a “torch bearer” for autistic adults crossing the bridge between Neurodiversity Island and the wider world, so they don't have to navigate that journey alone.

Takeaways:

• Recognize how much you have already accomplished in life
• Focus on your skills, passions, and strengths
• You are good enough exactly as you are
• Keep moving forward, and remember that you don't have to navigate this journey alone

About Suzanne Plumley:

Suzanne Plumley is a late-diagnosed autistic woman, podcast host, life coach, speaker, and author. As a Certified Dream Builder Coach, she helps clients create lives aligned with their Soul's purpose.

She is the host of The Aspie Bridge podcast, author of Autistic Hearts, and creator of the Patreon community Aspie Bridge Builders. Suzanne’s work focuses on helping autistic adults who have felt misunderstood or overlooked find connection, clarity, and belonging.

YouTube: @TheAspieBridgeShow
Patreon: patreon.com/AspieBridgeBuilders

About Your Host:

Wendela Whitcomb Marsh, MA, RSD, is an award-winning author, TEDx speaker, and host of Amplifying Autism. Though not autistic herself, Wendy has dedicated her career to supporting the neurodivergent community. She is the founder of Adulting While Autistic and helps late-diagnosed autistic adults find clarity and community. 

Books Available on Amazon

Website: wendelawhitcombmarsh.com
Instagram: @wendela.w.marsh
Adulting While Autistic: @adultingwhileautistic 

Join the Newsletter: https://forms.aweber.com/form/49/591191449.htm

Thank You for Listening:

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it. Your support helps us reach more late-diagnosed autistic adults and those who care about them. 

YouTube: @AmplifyingAutism

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

This is Amplifying Autism, where every voice matters and every story shines. Join us as Autistic Authors, Professionals, and Trailblazers share their journeys, real stories, and real insight from those changing the world, one conversation at a time. My guest today, Suzanne Plumley, didn't know that she was autistic until she was in her early 50s. In the short time since then, she has written a book, Autistic Hearts, started a podcast, The Aspie Bridge, and created a Patreon resource, Aspie Bridge Builders. Her mission is to help autistic people who have been misunderstood and overlooked to find love, clarity, and connection. Suzanne is known as a torchbearer for newly diagnosed autistics. She meets them on the bridge between Neurodiversity Island and the world. So they won't have to navigate that journey alone. Well, I'm delighted to welcome Suzanne Plumley, an old friend. Suzanne, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Hey, thank you, Wendy. Thank you for having me. It's been so much fun having you on the Aspie Bridge in the past. So let's turn it around and let you be the host this time.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Yeah, we're doing a little switch here. I I think I've been on your podcast maybe seven times over the years.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Several times, yeah. Oh gosh, yes. I can count three off the top of my head anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Well, one thing that I know about you is that you have not always known that you were autistic. Am I right?

SPEAKER_00 1:47

That is correct. That is correct. I grew up in a family uh with two brothers on either side of me. And um in that generation, boys were always this supposed to be the stars of the family, and so they got a lot of the attention. So I was expected to sit back and be quiet and and follow along with what mother and father said. So I did the best I could. I worked my backside off trying to keep up with my brothers who were ACE students and athletic stars, and I did pretty well. I graduated in my high school on time, uh top third of my class, which I feel pretty proud of. Being very involved in the music department, which is a key to where we're going. But I didn't actually find out long after I got married, long after I had my own two daughters, that I was diagnosed at 51.

unknown 2:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

And what was that like for you to find that out about yourself after 51 years?

SPEAKER_00 2:53

It was exhilarating. I I like to compare it to being, as I would call my brothers, were two Fuji apples, and I was a red delicious. And when I found out that I was autistic, I went from being a red delicious to a green apple. So I was on a completely different tier from them, and I could be my own person for once in my life. I didn't have to compete with them.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

And has it has it changed your life in any other ways, knowing that there's nothing wrong with you? You were just autistic all along.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

I think it explains a lot that I didn't have answers for, and I think that's where the biggest change came for me is I just went along thinking I was less than my brothers. And when I found out that I was autistic, it gave me a whole new rate of my own time being in um my own space, and I think that's the biggest change right there is knowing I no longer had to compete with them. Yes, and I was allowed to go off and do my own interests and and understand why I had interest in music, interest in crafts, and why I hyper-focus all the time. That's probably the another big change is it explained why I would spend so much time detailed into a little project when everybody else would move on so quickly.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And you know that that ability to uh pay attention to details and to have so many interests and ideas. I know that's led you to many different things in your life. I mentioned your podcast, The Aspie Bridge. Um, do you want to share about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Yes, I would love to, thank you. I created the Aspie Bridge two years ago in January 24 because I was noticing that a lot of us late diagnosed autistic individuals were never given a roadmap on how to get along in society and where to look for answers and where to get help and who to ask for help. So I created the Aspie Bridge podcast to bring on a bunch of my friends and who happen to be coaches as well. That's their that was their title as coach, and they were able to help out in a special uh what I would call zone of genius, and they were able to help me to help all of my listeners say, Well, I can interpret the language of autism, they're actually the ones that are the experts in the particular area. And that went on for almost two years of a podcast, giving resources to my listeners. And as I would start to say, for all of you autistic individuals who feel like you're stuck on Neurodivergent Island, which is where I'm standing at the base of the bridge, and want to go into society, I'm here as your torch bearer to connect you to wonderful people. And Wendy was my wonderful autistic individual who could, she's not autistic, she's a coach, and she had background in teaching and working with children who are autistic. So I brought her on for the more technical terms, but the rest of my guests had a zone of expertise. And each week we would come on together and we would discuss a particular challenge that was going on in autistic individuals' life and help them go across the bridge back into society with confidence.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I think that's wonderful. Uh, we all need a bridge to get to the next step of where we're going. And I know your podcast is one of your projects and interests along your own journey, but I know it's not the only thing that you have done or that you're doing. What else do you want to share with us that you're excited about?

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Oh, thank you, Wendy. I really appreciate you helping me to get the word out. For those of you who don't feel like you are able to sit down and watch a whole podcast, I know there are a lot of AU ADHD out there who are like, oh, I can't sit down for an hour. What I've also done is I've gone on to Patreon and I've written up articles, which are maybe five-minute articles that you can read to get help and know that you're not alone or get tips or get motivation. Each day of the week I had a different topic. So on Patreon, if you like my channel, The Aspie Bridge, or it might actually be Aspie Bridge Builders on that one as well. And you can go on and read an article. Sunday is spiritual. So if you're on the spiritual side and want to bring more of that into your life as an autistic individual, that's Sunday. Monday is motivation Monday. Tuesday is Tuesday tips, Wednesday is you're not alone. That's where I take a part of my life history, my life experiences, and I explain it, but then I help you walk through it if you're having the same experience. Thursday is thoughtful Thursday, and that's a little bit more of a science fiction what if. Because so often we autistics are like, how can we change the situation for the better? So I do a what if. Friday is journal day, taking your whole week and really putting some uh tying up some loose ends or really journaling about that one moment in your week that really was challenging, but you got through it. And then Saturday is finding all sorts of fun activities that you can do, whether or not you're with a family or you're on your own. There are a number of activities that I put on Saturday that you can do on your own, such as a thrift shopping day and just enjoying yourself because we do enjoy time with ourselves. And uh so I give you different ideas that you might not have thought of. And that's on Patreon, and I believe it is still called Aspie Bridge Builders in the URL.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

I think that's amazing. There's there's gonna be a lot of people who benefit who will benefit from this. 178 articles. Oh, nice. Okay. So uh you've already got quite a quite a log of uh information for people. Um, I do want to mention, because I realize you and I know uh what ASPI means, uh, obviously, but uh these days, as I know that you know, the term is uh the autism spectrum. Autism spectrum uh kind of covers uh both the people who have very high needs, uh, who um some of them are not using uh vocal language to speak and they will need a lot of care, and people who didn't even know that they were autistic until later in life. Um I I think of them as late diagnosed because the term high functioning is so useless. Um but it used to be called Asperger syndrome, and in my family, Aspie was like a term of endearment, you know. We we had uh like three Aspies to two not on the spectrum. Um, so what does the Aspie bridge mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Okay, I'm glad you answered that. You asked that question. It because Aspie can get a bad rabbit sometimes because of the association to the Nazis. And so for me, it is a term of of in of endearment, and it's also, as you say, late diagnosed. I've I've started bridging over to the late diagnose myself, knowing that there are a lot of other factors that have led up to us learning that we're on the autistic spectrum, whether we have a child who is also autistic and we're finding out that we have several traits like them. I have a daughter who's ADHD. But I didn't even find out then that I was autistic when I was taking her through the all the tests. But I have to say, for me, it's kind of like changing the perception of a name. And I liken it to, if you don't mind my saying, a lot of people know Waco was often not Waco, Texas was often not a good place to be. And it was because of a very difficult situation, branched Davidians, like the Nazis with Hans Asperger, but now you have a whole new look on that whole name of Waco, Texas, by Fixer Upper. Joanna and her husband went and they redid a bunch of houses and bring them back to love. So what I like to say now is let's change the way Aspie is perceived for those who are late diagnosed and say that is just a group of people that are late diagnosed that have a lot to offer, but they're often misunderstood.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

That is so true. There's a lot of misunderstanding out there.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

So it is, and if you can change it from a difficult situation to a loving situation, why not?

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Exactly. Why not? We need more love in the world, don't we? Exactly. So um uh we've heard about your your podcast and your Patreon. Do you have any other projects you're interested in or or what's up next for you?

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Well, I have to say I've been working on getting my certification in neurodiversity support groups. And what I'd like to do is because I was able to pretty much go through school looking for help when I needed it, I know there are a lot of students who are not able to know where to go when they need help or know how even what kind of help they need. So I'm going to be getting a neurodiversity support coach certification so that I can help children, particularly teachers at the elementary school. I'm not going to definitely work with the children themselves because I don't want to interfere with what the teachers are doing, but setting up new strategies in the classroom. And for the younger children, then for the older children, is helping them learn how to navigate their studies so that they don't feel like they're in a constant state of overwhelm. And I've been able to navigate myself. It wasn't until I got to college that I needed to know where to go for help. So it's a a lot about helping them self-advocate for understanding what needs they have.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

Well, I think that's great because if you can help a teacher to understand neurodiversity, then you're helping every single student that she teaches, not only this year, but every year of her career.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

And often they don't even realize that a lot of it goes into the way they set up their classroom.

unknown 14:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

That's one part of it. The other part of it is helping at the elementary level, helping them understand that there are three ways that children learn audio through the ears, of course, through their eyes, which is a visual paper talking about what she's talking about, showing what she's talking about, and tactile. A lot of students she may lose if she's only using her mouth. But if she can combine the three points of teaching, which is audio, visual, and tactile, she's gonna find that she's gonna reach a lot more children and every child's needs will be met.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

I think that's uh that's awesome. We really need to get the word out that it's not just one channel, there's a lot of ways kids learn, and some learn better if they're moving their bodies than if they're just sitting at a desk.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

And some teachers, I remember my own personal lived experience before a long, long, long time before I found out I was autistic, thought that because I had glasses, I needed to sit in the front of the room. Oh. It was just, and this is where teachers come from. They they look at the visual problems with the child, they don't look at the emotional problems. I would have done a lot better just being away from the doorway.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

So the front of the classroom made no difference. It was where I was to the distractions of the hallway, how much I was hearing, because I almost heard too much. So helping teachers understand that the front of the class is not the answer for autistic children.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

That is so important. I've known uh autistic kids who, whenever anyone passes behind them, their uh their senses uh like light up and it's like danger, danger. And the brain can say, oh no, it's just one of my classmates walking behind me, but their whole body goes into uh panic of like they're being attacked. You put them in the front row and everybody is behind them. Um and it's just like the worst place. Let them be in the back corner, they're back against the wall, so that they can see everything and feel secure. Um, you also mentioned working with uh older kids like uh teenagers. And yes, I know a lot of times I've been a parent, I've been a teacher, and parents and teachers can tell kids things and it will not get through. Do you find that as a coach who being autistic yourself, do people do do your kids listen to you better and uh are they able to connect with you in a way that they're tuning up, maybe parents and teachers?

SPEAKER_00 16:54

They do because I think what we what a lot of us realize is that okay, that's your answer, but that's not gonna help me because you haven't lived me. You haven't lived my situation. But when I connect with students, they're like, wow, you mean that happened to you too? And how did you face that? So I think it's the lived experience, not the mentor, teacher, mother, father who doesn't quite understand their student. I can be the bridge. Once again, I can be the bridge between the two people navigating between uh the child and the parent to say, look, I know you think that being in the kitchen while you're making dinner is the best place for homework so that you can help them when you're ready. But that banging of pots and pans is not actually helping. Oh, I didn't know that. So helping the parents understand that the environment is a big key to how well a student does. They don't want to be up in their bedroom either. But if they can find a den off to the side where they're available, so yeah, I think I've by helping the parents understand the environment that's needed to help their child thrive, yes, they don't want to be alone, but they don't want to be in the middle of chaos and a lot of sound.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

And and that uh each child is going to be different and have different needs, so to really listen to their kids and not think, well, I believe that you need this or that you need that, but to really pay attention. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

And when it gets to school, a lot of parents don't quite understand why the child is not grasping the material. And I can find a way that I can help the child or the student as the older kids get to, so that they can find the answers that they need that the parents may not realize is not sinking in. A lot of parents look at eight grades, A, B, C, D, and wonder where the problem is. Well, it's not about the letter grade that's the problem, it's the way the information is being given out.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yes, exactly. I I'd like to ask if if you could talk to uh all um late diagnosed autistic folk right now, especially people who have just found out, they just got their diagnosis or self-identified, because that's valid. Not everyone can afford a full clinical assessment. So if someone is listening right now and they just found out, oh, I'm autistic and I never knew it, what would you like to say to them? Do you have some words of encouragement or advice?

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Uh, what I would love to say to them is to look at all the things that have been exciting to them up until now. Put your focus on what your skills are. Yeah, there are going to be a lot of people around you that are gonna have different skills. That doesn't matter. Look at what your skills are. So often what I find is that as soon as someone finds out they're autistic, it's like they fall in what they consider good enough. I'm not good enough anymore. I'm not good enough because I'm autistic, and that couldn't be further from the truth because what's happened is they put themselves in relation to other people that are around them. Instead, I want them to focus on what skills and what things have been working out well for them already. And take that to a deeper level. Take that to a wow, I really look at all the Lego construction I make. What else can I do with Legos on a bigger tier so that I can keep going with where I'm going? Instead of saying, oh, well, I'm autistic, I can't do that anymore. No, you certainly can. And I don't want to, Wendy, this is a big thing. I don't want people to think it's ableist. Because what happens is, yeah, there are some people that don't understand us, and there's like, oh, just keep going. That's just unlimiting belief. Well, when you say limiting belief to an autistic individual without explaining how to change their beliefs, then it's just there's no point in saying it. But they can say, you know, I've seen a lot of potential in you because look at at all you've done.

unknown 21:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

And this is what I would say to them: look at what you've already done before you knew you were autistic. Keep going.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Keep going.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Keep going. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough anymore because look at what you have done. So focus on what your strengths are.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

I love that. Keep going and focus on your strengths. And also, you mentioned Legos. And I know a lot of times, um People think, oh, these are kid things. I can't do that anymore. Or they feel bad that they still want to engage in the same, you know, activities that they enjoyed as children, or that they want to have the things around them, toys or stuffed animals that gave them pleasure when they were a child. But I think of it as being faithful to those things. You don't have to dump them just because you're a certain age, because there is no age limit on the things that make you happy. If it's Legos, if it's squishmallows. Um it's okay to be faithful to those things and not have to put them away just because you get to be a certain age.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Exactly. As I said, take it to a deeper level.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

A deeper level.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Keep going with it. Take it to a deeper level where you might be doing something very basic with them when you're a younger child or a younger person. Keep going. Maybe there's some more things that you can do. Maybe even go in and teach other children how to make the Legos because you have the passion. That's another thing. Look at your passions, and you'd be very surprised that just by doing things, kids want to emulate you if you have the passion.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Uh-huh. Well, it has been so lovely chatting with you, Suzanne, again. Um, but uh I think our listeners uh would want to know how to get in touch with you. What's the best way to reach out to you or to connect?

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Well, right now there are three ways to get in touch with me. One is through the YouTube channel, the the Aspie Bridge. The other is to go to Patreon and check out a bunch of my articles and put a comment in the in the base underneath. Or you can reach me at SGP, Suzanne Gardner Plumbly, S G P dot enriching lifestyles at gmail.com, and I'd be more than happy to answer your questions. I also have a Facebook page called Enriching the Aspie Woman's Lifestyle, which you can connect with me there too by placing a comment and be happy to reach out to you.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Well, that is wonderful. And uh, Suzanne, thank you again. It's always a joy to chat with you, and thanks for coming on. And I know that our listeners are gonna have some more things to think about now.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Great, thank you. And if they have any questions for you, Wendy, by all means feel free to send them my way. I'd love to help in whatever way I can.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

That is wonderful. I appreciate that openness, and I think our listeners will too. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Suzanne Plumley left us with some great things to think about. What stands out for me is her message to all of you late diagnosed autistic folk. She encourages you to look at all the things you've already done. Focus on your skills, passions, and strengths. You are good enough. Keep going. These are important things to remember. Suzanne's contact information is in the show notes, and she's happy to talk to anyone who wants to reach out. I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did, and that you'll join me for the next episode of Amplifying Autism. I'll see you then. You've been listening to Amplifying Autism, celebrating the voices that shape a more understanding world. Don't miss the next episode. More stories, more insight, and more voices that matter.