Are You Autistic, or Just Awkward on Dates? Dating While Autistic, Let the Adventure Begin

In this solo episode of Amplifying Autism, Wendy explores the challenges, fears, and possibilities of dating while autistic.

Dating can feel overwhelming for anyone, but for autistic adults, navigating social communication and uncertainty can be especially exhausting. Wendy reminds listeners that while dating may be difficult, being autistic does not mean love and connection are out of reach.

Wendy contrasts the idea of passively waiting for love to appear with the importance of taking intentional steps toward connection. Whether through online dating, shared-interest groups, friends, or unexpected opportunities, meaningful relationships often begin when people allow themselves to participate in the adventure.

This episode also highlights the value of friendship, shared interests, and stepping outside of comfortable routines. Wendy shares stories about meeting her late husband and about a friend whose willingness to say “yes” to an unexpected invitation changed her life forever.

Takeaways:

• Being autistic does not mean you should give up on dating or relationships
• Meaningful relationships often require effort, vulnerability, and patience
• Waiting passively for love rarely works. Take action
• Shared-interest groups can be a great way to meet people naturally
• Friendships can grow into romantic relationships over time
• Sometimes saying “yes” to unexpected opportunities can change your life

About Your Host:

Wendela Whitcomb Marsh, MA, RSD, is an award-winning author, TEDx speaker, and host of Amplifying Autism. Though not autistic herself, Wendy has dedicated her career to supporting the neurodivergent community. She is the founder of Adulting While Autistic and helps late-diagnosed autistic adults find clarity and community. 

Website: wendelawhitcombmarsh.com

Books Available on Amazon

Instagram: @wendela.w.marsh

Adulting While Autistic: @adultingwhileautistic 

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Thank You for Listening:

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Transcript

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This is Amplifying Autism, where every voice matters and every story shines. Join us as autistic authors, professionals, and trailblazers share their journeys, real stories, and real insight from those changing the world, one conversation at a time. One aspect of adulting that many people are interested in is dating. Dating is something to look forward to, but it can be stressful too, and even more so for some autistic folk. If social communication is not your strength, trying to meet and get to know someone new can be exhausting. Of course, not everyone wants a relationship, so dating is definitely not something they would have any interest in. But a lot of people would like to have one special person in their life, someone to be their best friend and romantic partner. If this is something you want, but the idea of dating to get to there is daunting, don't give up. Lots of autistic folk find their someone and live happily ever after. I know. My late husband David was autistic. We found each other, got married, had kids, and lived happily ever after for the rest of his life. It was worth it for us, and it can be for you too. Does that mean that the path forward will always be smooth and that you can have whoever you fancy to be your true love? Well, no, of course not. Life is not a hallmark rom-com. Most people go on a lot of first dates before they find the one they spend their life with. Obviously, I can't promise that everyone who wants to date will find someone who wants to date you, whether you're autistic or not. But being autistic is no reason to give up. Most worthwhile things require a lot of hard work, and love is no different. People have a lot of different ideas about what they should do to reach their goals. And in dating, just like everything else, there are eh, mid-ideas, and there are better ideas. Here's a mid-idea. Let's imagine that I want to date, but I don't like to go out. I don't believe I should have to go out of my way to find someone. If I just think positively and keep an open mind, then surely my soulmate, my one and only, who is out there for me, will find me. We are destined to be together forever, so we'll just bump into each other in some meat cute sort of way. And when we look into each other's eyes, we'll both just know. There's nothing I need to do but sit back and wait for Cupid to shoot that arrow. And then everything will unfold just as I always dreamed it would. Does that sound realistic to you? Me neither. But plenty of people do tend to wait for the universe to deliver true love to them, like an Amazon package on their front porch. Waiting around for something to magically happen rarely works when it comes to romance. So here's another idea, a better idea. Now, let's imagine that yes, I want to date, and I realize that just sitting around and waiting for my special someone to materialize is not going to work. I might decide to do some research and find a safe online dating site. Then I'll ask someone I trust to help me create a profile. I also decide to let my friends and family know that I'm interested in dating and I want to meet someone. They might know someone to introduce me to. In the meantime, I try to get out of the house more. Maybe join a club or go to church or take a class. You know, I met my husband David in a writer support group that met at my sister's house. We started as acquaintances and then became friends before we finally started dating and fell in love. It's a good idea to meet someone who's interested in the same things you are. So joining groups and clubs makes sense. You can make new friends without a lot of pressure to date until after you get to know each other. Even if you never date them, having another friend is always good. Plus, they might know someone to introduce you to. Friends who know you know what kind of person might be right for you. Here's a side story. I have a friend, we'll call her Cassie. Cassie had a great career that she loved, but she didn't have someone to share her life with. She wanted to get married and have children, but it never seemed to happen. One year, on her birthday, she had just finished having dinner with her parents, her brother and sister-in-law, and her niece and nephew, when the phone rang. An old friend called to say she was out with some people, and she really thought one of the guys there would be perfect for Cassie. She begged her to come right over and meet him right then. Well, Cassie almost said no. She was with her family. Then she asked herself, What did I just wish for when I blew out my candles? And if that's what I want, shouldn't I give this a chance? She said goodnight to her family and went out to see her friend and meet this new guy. Well, long story short, they've been happily married for years and have two adorable children. Cassie is living the life she always wanted because she chose going out instead of the more comfortable option of staying home. Even though going out wasn't what she expected to do that night, maybe saying yes to an unexpected opportunity, like Cassie, and like Bilbo Baggins and The Hobbit, will be the right thing for you, too. Only one way to find out. Thanks for listening to Amplifying Autism. I'm Wendella Wickham Marsh. Looking forward to next time. You've been listening to Amplifying Autism, celebrating the voices that shape a more understanding world. Don't miss the next episode. More stories, more insight, and more voices that matter.