From Trying to Prove Everyone Wrong to Finding Peace | Chance Lim's Honest Story

Chance Lim grew up in Seoul being told to put her head down, stop asking questions, and become someone she wasn't.
She didn't.
Instead, she left Korea alone — no family abroad, no roadmap — took a blind leap, and built a life and a following in America.
But when she went back to show her success? Nobody even reacted. That's when she realized: who was she proving wrong all along?
In this episode, Chance and I talk about what really happens when you live between two cultures — the identity pressure, the "you're not Korean enough" comments from her own followers, the loneliness of not fully belonging anywhere, and why that in-between space might actually be the most honest place to live.
I share my own story too — from a small village in India to Los Angeles, choosing love over tradition, and learning to accept what I take and leave from both cultures.
You are not the prime minister of your country. You don't have to represent anyone. Just be yourself.

Have a story to share? Email us at yourstory.oie@gmail.com

TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Intro
01:00 Why Chance didn't fit into Korean culture growing up
03:30 The pressure of becoming who you're not
04:26 Korea's education system and suppressing individuality
07:10 Taking a blind leap — leaving Korea with no roadmap
09:00 Looking back on Korea with more compassion
12:00 She proved everyone wrong — then realized no one cared
13:30 Hersh's journey from a small village in India to LA
16:00 Accepting and rejecting parts of your culture
18:00 You don't have to represent your country
19:45 Chance's favorite childhood memory 

Have a story to share? Email us at yourstory.oie@gmail.com
🎙️ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/5yV9JNNRRF4fBvKw5QETNC
🎙️ Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/international-student-experience-podcast/id1848975904
🎙️ iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1333-international-student-exp-302843551/
📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@InternationalStudentExperiece

#InternationalStudent #KoreanAmerican #IdentityCrisis #NotKoreanEnough #ThirdCultureKid #StudentLifeUSA #KoreanInfluencer #ChanceLim #StudyInUSA #CulturalIdentity #BelonginG #InternationalStudentExperience #F1Visa #ImmigrantStory #DiasporaIdentity

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So I was looking at your TikTok researching and um one of the things you said, and I can uh connect with that too because I felt the same way that you know you growing up you didn't resonate much with the Korean culture. And that was one of the things that you wanted to eventually get go to another country. Uh do you know why you felt that way?

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Ye yeah, definitely. So I think Korea society tends to fixate on this one ideal type of person and try to make kids grow in that kind of direction, which is most of the time like very book smart, ACES standardized testing. Don't really not really interested in superficial things. Like, for example, when we're going through puberty, we're in the girls get interested in like makeup, like physical things, and like the ideal student would not be interested in any of those and just like kind of put their head down and study, go to a good college and become a renowned surgeon. And I think, yeah, and I grew up in a very like um high expectation environment where there was a lot expected from me. Um, but the thing is, I was a kid with a lot of interest and I wanted to try like all the different things, and I was always very opinionated and outspoken person. Like I was always like the class president, like that annoying girl with a loud voice, like trying to like kind of lead everyone. And then I feel like in America, like those kind of people with like leadership abilities have different, like are also valued while um as well as people who are book smart. But for me, I always felt like out of place. I always felt these my different interests in I like I wanted to do other things than studying. Like, for example, in high school, I was very interested in policy. I and education policy, especially, because I felt like Korea's education system were really suppressing individuals' uniqueness, and it is shown um by the mental health score and how the Korea's adult society is developing. And I was also very interested in feminism and how the gender conflict in Korea was developing during that time, which was there was a severe conflict going on um back in like 2018. It was a peak of gender conflict in Korea about the way, um, yeah, there was just a lot going on. And I think um no one would be interested in those stuff though. Like I was always like, and then I wanted to have a discussion about these stuff. Oh, I'm interested in art, I'm interested in politics, I'm interested in so many things. I wanted to like make film, like you know, like just like a kid does. Like, I'm interested in everything. And then whenever I wanted to talk about it, I was always uh the answer I always get was like, you ask too many questions. You always ask why.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Like sometimes they say that, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Yeah. Sometimes things are just like how it is, like you just like think about too much like useless things. And I think those, um, that and then like the pressure of like trying to become who I was not really broke me at some point. And that's why I that's why, and after I went through all the process of going, getting into college, taking the very hard Korean College Board exam, I felt that I was very like spiritually, not spiritually, just mental in every sort of way. I just didn't see my life, my future in Korea. I was pretty much very depressed, like I didn't know what I wanted to do, and then I just had to like get out of the country. And that might have been very like naive thought, but glad it worked out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Yeah, I I wouldn't say it was a naive thought. It's just your I think your social and emotional need because I felt that um like like I don't have anybody to with I can have a good conversation where we can connect and we can you know go deeper into it because people were again the same thing in India, book smart. One of my regrets is that I never played sports growing up because everybody was supposed to just get a good grade, and sports was just the time passing. It was never serious, whether it was also music. I was interested in music and singing, but it was just the society doesn't take it seriously, your family doesn't take it seriously. So in a way, you don't take it seriously too. You know, you don't put the real effort to learn like singing or to like, oh, I'm good at this sports, let me do something about it, because it's just not a part of the culture, and I I do regret that part for sure. So it was my one of the reasons I kept moving to bigger and bigger places because I grew up in a really small village. It's just I wanted to talk to somebody who have the same interests, you know, who can talk about the same things, and we can we can learn and we can have a deeper conversation where with other people it just fizzles out because they are not interested in those things. So it's it was my social and emotional need that I was like, I I can't live here, I I have to get out.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Yeah, yeah, definitely. But also at the same time, I feel like I feel bad saying, kind of putting generalizing everyone in Korea because now that I left Korea on social media and everywhere, I see people who I would have had like great conversations with. I don't know where they were when I was back there. Maybe because I was just like in school and everyone's like busy doing their own thing. So maybe it was just like a teenager kind of thing. But for me, in when I was a teenager, when I was 17, going through like the hardest thing in my life, which was like taking that exam. And also I was very isolated because it was during COVID. So we didn't go to school, and then I was stuck in the library 24-7, like pushing myself to the limit every day. And so, yeah, so I hope, like, I wish that younger self, young my younger self would have like given people in Korea more chance and realized that it is up to me to seek out those connections. Like you can't really just like blame, like, oh, like this is Korea's not for me. Um, but I think at that point, that was the only thing. Like, I was young, so I didn't know what direction, like what choices I could have. And also the reason it felt like very naive to me is that none of my family ever ever lived abroad. Um, and I didn't have any like close friends who moved abroad. So we didn't have any information. When I first told my parents that I don't want to keep living in Korea, all they were like, we've never done anything like that before. So, like, how do we know? Like, how how do you know that you're gonna do well there? So it was a very like blind leap that I had to take.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Yeah, it's a really mature way of looking at back and looking at things the way you're thinking, and um very healthy way, you know, because you of course you growing up, 17-year-old, 17-year-old's brain is there's so many things going on, and you know, you might have your complaint and you your frustration or anger, but you now materialize it and you have a healthier way, healthier way of looking at things, and uh that's the thing we we realize after we leave the country, right? Like, oh, I I had all the complaints, but now I'm here and I missed so many things about it, and now I don't have any complaints, you know? And um I'm glad that you think that way right now.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

But yeah, I think it's just like a kind of a hard topic for me, like because I just like went through a lot back in Korea, and I really try hard to have not a hating relationship, and honestly, this development is very recent throughout college. I kind of what drove me was spite. I always when I left, everyone was doubting my decision because of the reasons that I said, and I would when when I graduated high school, we have this like annual report that everyone like, oh, like this many people went to this college, this many people went to college B. And then like there was one people, one person who went abroad, like in the statistics, which was me. So I went to that kind of like local school who no one like goes abroad. And throughout like the last four years, I just graduated college last May. Last four years, like that's what drove me. I was like, I'm gonna prove everyone wrong. Like, I'm gonna be so successful here. But now that I've kind of achieved what I wanted to achieve, now I'm like really it got me thinking, who am I trying to prove wrong, first of all? And then why am I in such a hate relationship with the country that I've spent 18 years of my life out in? I've been doing a lot of reflecting, but yeah, it is a very difficult topic because people who feel not very disconnected with their home country, I think they have a lot of identity, they go through a lot of identity issues because society tells you that you have to be affectionate towards your motherland, you have to feel connected like with your nationality, but that is not really true. Like that's why immigration like exists, that's why a lot of people that's why it's a globalized world, and it's a very difficult relationship to navigate, and I don't have the full answer to it myself.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yeah, remember when you because I think it's Asian culture thing, right? Because Asian culture, it's a close family, everybody kind of interferes in your life, society also judges you, you know, based on your choices, whether it's a clothes, whether it's a you know, you choose major as an art instead of business, the society judges you, right? So you you do kind of when you leave, you are like, I'm gonna prove them. Also, in a personal relationship, if you like a boy or a girl and they rejected you, or in some like, I want to prove them that they made a mistake, and we work so hard to prove them wrong. And you know, we won't we keep doing that, and that's that can be a good motivating thing, but eventually you want to do it for yourself so that you can enjoy it, right? Exactly. You might not get satisfaction to tell that boy, like, look, I was such a catch and I'm so amazing, and look, the neighbors and like, look, I did successful. You might be able to say it or not, but that's not a real joy. Real joy is when you do what you love and you enjoy it.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And I wish I could have had those kind of like internalized realization, but for me, the way, like, the reason I was able to realize that was actually very stupid. I just like went back to Korea and then was like telling my friends about like all these big companies I worked at, like all these hard job offers that I've gotten, and they just like didn't know because they're in their own bubble called Korea, and they're doing their own thing. So they just like don't even know the success that I have achieved is a success. And I'm like, okay, you guys were the people, like my parents too, you guys were the people I was trying to prove wrong, but they don't even know what I did. So I'm like, okay, like this is pointless, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

As I told you, I grew up in a small, small village, just you know, it's like a size of a big mall here, right? And um sometimes I just think like I have been through such a crazy journey, you know, international student, dealing with loneliness, dealing with the visa issue, dealing with, you know, I I had I I I was I had limited incomes, I was on my own, so I had to find a job and work and all those things. And I'm finally here. And I'm I one day I gotta feel like what if the guy who grew up in a village stayed there? And what if he's more happier than me? Was it all worth it? You know, just that kind of random thought. Of course it's worth it because the growth is really important, and you know what you can pass on to your generation, your friends and family is really important, and I'm able to do those things. But you do think that way, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Like, um, I do think that way, but for me, I'm 100% sure that I'm happier than whatever version that would have stayed in Korea. Like, I'm like 100% sure about that. So that is I've but I feel like a lot of other international students think that way, which makes it tough. I think that's the one advantage that I have that I know for sure. I just am happier here. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

My only thing is they're just eating better food than I am. Everything else is good.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Oh, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Good home cooked, you know, French food. I mean, when I cook, I cook good food and I eat, but they eat three times good home cooked fresh food. So that's the only thing I feel like they're I do that.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I just got a lot of like hate from like some of my TikToks by like saying I didn't like Korea. So that's why I'm like kind of like scarred. Yeah, like people were like, oh, you're like, oh, you're like a traitor of our country. And then like, but in college, like in person too, like, because I'm like very well like acclimated to the US. Whenever I meet another Korean student, like the interaction would not go well. So I'm just like it, it's a hard topic for me. Like, I don't, I'm like still struggling because like still hate Korea, love Korea, like I don't know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

But that's the it's it's been 10 years for me. I'm 38 year old, yeah, and I'm going through the same thing. One day I love my country, next day I hate my country. Uh and I'm I'm I do say it in my podcast. You know, if you listen to some of the Indian guests, we we do tend to complain about India and you know things. And and the thing is, when you grow up in India, I don't know about Korea, but grew up in India, you are supposed to say complain about your country in your country when you go out. You don't like when you go out with your family and different friends home, you don't complain about your family. So they want to hide everything. But again, that's not right because you have to tell the truth, right? You have to speak your truth. So people do think, and that's why you get hate comment, but no, it's uh you you yeah, you are in your your journey is different, and that comment doesn't matter because they are they just don't know the journey, they haven't been through the journey. If they have done it, they would do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

I agree. Do you I have a question for you actually? Um, do you think you're like in between like American culture and Indian culture now? Or like what do you like your culture? What do you identify?

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Yeah, uh I am I'm in between, but uh I there was a time where I would like I'm just gonna be uh I will not accept American culture. I will just straight straight true to my culture and I will not accept the things about American culture. Now I'm like if something is good I'm gonna accept and something is bad in my culture, I'm gonna reject. That way I that's why you know my culture, we are supposed to arrange marriage and marry in my own caste and community. But I found a girl, really nice person, and I fell in love, and I'm like, why would I let her go and try to stick to my culture and find the girl from my culture where I have already a nice person in front of me? So I rejected that part of my culture, you know, and um we have a daughter. That's gonna be interesting, Indian Mexican mixed daughter growing, you know, it kind of yeah. So I don't know what will she accept and reject, but uh ultimately what's good for you, your you know, physical health, mental health, uh what's profitable for like what's not profitable, but what's good for your career, you know. My daughter is gonna learn Spanish because you get a more opportunity if you're a Spanish speaker in California. So yeah, but also in certain ways, like like I'm used to much more comfort accepting it that I didn't have in India. And you just keep evolving, and it's very important to learn and grow. Not just about uh career and skills, but uh as a person, you know, uh know yourself and grow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

I agree. I think I just like I don't know, I consider myself in between, but like when I say that, a lot of people are like, you've been only been here for like four years. What do you mean in between? And then I feel like some people don't understand, like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

I I I don't say I'm mixed you know, no, I'm Indian and I'm American. You know, I'm not American citizen yet, but you know, for my daughter.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

No, no, no, like culturally.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Yeah, culturally too. Culturally, it's it's not either or. You it's one thing about good thing about America, you can be yourself. So just distance yourself from your culture. Don't think about your don't carry the baggage of your Korean culture or Indian culture or representing you, don't have to represent anything, anybody. You are not a prime minister of your country or president.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

I know, but I feel like there is a pressure that you always have to like choose one. Who is putting the pressure on you? I don't know. Like a lot of people when I have conversations, they're always asking me, like, why don't you act more Korean? Like, why don't you like oh like I feel like there is always a pressure? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

No, it's you, you are putting pressure on yourself, and they are just asking questions. They are maybe curious, but you you take it as a as it as it you know as a depression, and that's why be kind to yourself, you know. Uh you don't represent, you don't have to represent your country. I had so much pressure about especially even when I was single and I would go out on a date, and I was like, I have to behave in my best way because otherwise they would think all the Indian guys are like this, right? We we think that way. And no, just you are an independent girl with your dreams and ambitions. You don't have to represent, you are not responsible for Korea's mistakes or Korea's growth or amazing things, you know. Don't care that I like that.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Yeah, I like that. Thanks for the advice.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Tell me your favorite childhood memory, you know, give like visuals, people, kind of nostalgic visuals, you know, that people can like, oh yeah, I've been through that.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Aww. Um, yeah, so I was born and raised in Seoul, Korea. I was raised in this town called Ichon. Uh, it's right in front of the Han River. So as a kid, I used to go on walks to the river, like the river walk very often. But surprisingly, that is not my favorite memory. I think like I really took being right in front of the river very like granted. Um, I think my favorite childhood memory is that my parents and I, I'm an only child. Um, there was this one random night when I was like really exhausted from like studying everything. I think it was like in middle school or something. And then I literally just said like one sentence. I was like, oh, I want to like go stargazing. I want to like look at the stars. And my dad was like, oh, we should go. And then it was like 11 p.m. at night. And we've I've like never done anything like spontaneous like that with my parents before. And then my dad literally just like drove me and my mom up to this random observatory, like an hour away. And then the observatory was closed. So we just parked the car like right outside and then laid on like the roof of our car and then watched the stars. And after that, I feel like I got really busy with studying and everything. But that was a very fond, that's a very fond memory I have about being back in Korea, being with my family, with my parents, who I love very much.