She is Spiraling!

Taylor is spiraling. Not emotionally… well actually yes emotionally, but specifically because her HVAC system decided to ruin her life. The joys of homeownership!

In this solo episode of The Taylor Taylor Taylor Show, Taylor answers an Ask Me Anything from Instagram and things get weird quickly. Topics include: whether men are automatically more attractive if they have a dog (they are), the Bravo shows that regulate her nervous system, the strangest DM she has ever received about cheese, and the controversial food opinion that may divide the internet forever: ranch vs blue cheese.

She also reveals her dream blunt rotation, the one thing everyone seems to love that she absolutely does not, the oddly specific grocery item she is currently hyper-fixated on, and why early seasons of Real Housewives of New York might actually qualify as therapy.

It’s chaotic, slightly unhinged, and basically what happens when a podcaster has a microphone, too much coffee, and an HVAC crisis.

Welcome back to The Taylor Taylor Taylor Show, the podcast where we say things three times until they make sense.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

All stories discussed herein are based on alleged events and personal opinions. Nothing shared should be taken as back or professional advice. Any viewpoints expressed are solely those of hosting who do not represent any business or organizations.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to the Taylor Taylor Taylor Show. The show where we say things three times until they make sense. You guessed it. I'm your host. I'm Taylor Brooke. It's another solo episode. It's morning. It is 9.06 a.m. and I do not a.m. It's 9.06 a.m. I don't know why I have a southern accent. Probably because I'm about to yee and haul my way down to the beautiful land of Nashville soon. Yep, that's right. You'll see me on Broadway singing my hit single Parking Lot. Acoustically. Which should scare everybody. I don't trust people who wake up in the morning and they're super happy and excited and they have a new lease on life. Like, what are you so excited about? We've done this day before. Well, maybe not this exact day. I don't know. I'm just in a bad mood. I'm not happy. Let me tell you why I'm not happy. Yesterday, as a homeowner, let me drop that little humble brag. I'm a homeowner. I love my house. It's decorated beautifully. Let me just like paint the scene for you. I've antiqued most of my house. It looks like a grandmother lives here and in the best way. We have gold hardware everywhere. We have black accents. The main color is this dark sage green. A beautiful front gate rug. Mind you, is it a front gate outdoor rug? Yes. Did I get a little bit lost in translation and the ordering process? Yes. Was it$700? Yes. Was that a steal? Yes. I stand by that. We have Gucci wallpaper and two walls in our first floor. I have prison art from Anna Delvey hanging up as you walk into my home. Verified. Verified? What do you call that when it's like certified? I don't know. It has like the little markings on the back. I have 1968 art deco mirrors with naked women on them. Like there is just something so fun and unique and just old and vintage and vibey about my home. I love it. Now I'm gonna digress. When you own a home, you have to pay for all of the shit inside of your home. So if your HVAC system breaks, guess who's gotta pay for that? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I'm having a stressed out 24 hours. I'm not feeling myself. I'm really excited to go Yee and Haw down in Nashville, but like I'm just having a lot of anxiety. Maybe not even anxiety, just like anger. Anger that the world expects me, little old me, to cough up$13,000 for an HVAC system. I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. When people are like, oh my god, Taylor, when are you gonna have kids? Uh you you've been married for a little bit now, like maybe you should have a child. Really? Because I cried for six fucking hours because my HVAC system broke. Can you imagine me having to care for another life? No, no, thank you. So I was so sad and broken and just scraping the bottom of the fucking barrel yesterday where I posted on my Instagram and ask me anything. Ask me anything. But don't get offended if you don't like my answers. Let's start out with one of my favorite questions that we got last night. Is a man more attractive if he has a dog? Yes, he is automatically more attractive, and let me tell you why. Because he is familiar with the concept of being trained. He has a dog. He knows that dogs need to be trained. So he knows what he has to do. Okay, we understand. Love that. Let's move on. Okay, next question is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or Real Housewives of New York? And why? I'm gonna go for Roany. I have to go for Roany. The old seasons, I cannot compare the amount of serotonin I get from watching a season eight, season nine Real Housewives of New York episode. It regulates my nervous system. Now I love Lisa Renna, I love Kyle Richards, I love Lisa Vanderpomp, I like the Beverly Hills girlies, and yeah, it regulates my nervous system too. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna say I don't turn it on to feel a little bit normal sometimes. But if I had to pick under my head, it would be Rony. Another similar question came in, and it was Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or Real Housewives of New Jersey. And that's a more complicated answer for me, let me tell you why. Real Housewives of New Jersey peaked when it was Carolyn Manzo, Jacqueline, uh Jacqueline's daughter. Remember all of that in Teresa Jiu-Dichi before she was Teresa Judece? And oh my god, the Melissa of it all, and they went on that family retreat, and the boys like actually fought. And then Blackwater wasn't Blackwater a thing. It was like Carolyn Manzo's sons, allegedly. They had this brand of water and it was black. I don't know. I just loved it. Early seasons, I loved it. I still like it now, like Dolores, big fan. I'm hoping that they bring her back for this season. But her houseways at Beverly Hills, the longevity of it. It was amazing in the beginning. LVP, Lisa Renna, Kyle Richards. Like we love that. We love it. Now we get this random woman who makes money by manifesting. What is her name? What is her name? Why am I blanking on her name? But I'm a big fan. I have to Google it. Hold. Amanda Francis. Okay, I love Amanda Francis. I love that Rachel Zoe is on here. Like that is curing every single ailment I've had with this franchise. I love it. So I would have to say Beverly Hills. Next question Is there a place you'd like to visit that's on Okay, Callie. Stop. Do you hear that? She's going to Ulin. Callie, do you want to go to Ulin? You know why they're barking? I have two dogs. You know why they're barking? They're barking because the HVAC man is here. Now I almost co-sign on the barking. Are we done? We're done. Okay, is there a place you'd like to visit that's on your bucket list? Yes, I would love to go to Italy. I've been abroad before, but I have not been to Italy. Un cafe con zuccare por favore. I'll have a coffee with some sugar, please. See, I already know how to get around. If there is one thing about me, it's that I can order myself a coffee in about seven languages. Anytime I go to a new place, I look up and I memorize a couple key phrases, right? Like where to buy cigarettes. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Am I? You don't know. But it's usually how can I get myself a coffee? When we went to Spain, it was almost like I unlocked the 12 years of Spanish that I took in middle school, high school, college, and I was able to communicate. It was beautiful. Um, but yeah, I would love to go to Italy. If there's anywhere else in my bucket list, I don't know. I don't know. I maybe I would like to see a lake. That was a joke. That was a joke based on a Reddit thread where where these users were like, she doesn't know what a lake is. She probably didn't graduate high school. I know what a fucking lake is, okay? I was kidding. It was a joke. It was comedy. You have ever heard of it? Have you ever heard of it? No. Never watched Comedy Central growing up, did ya? Did ya? That wasn't even a good comeback. That wasn't even an insult. That's so embarrassing. Should I cut that out? Maybe not. Let's keep going. If you could choose any career outside of media work, what would it be? Okay, so I went to school for education, uh, early childhood education, so pre-K to four, and then special ed, pre-K to eight. LOL. Uh didn't love teaching small children. And then I thought, hey, LOL, let why am I saying LOL so much? And then I thought, okay, maybe I want to be a lawyer. I could be a lawyer, I can argue. And so I took the LSATs and I got a dead average score. Whatever the dead average score of the LSATs, that's exactly what I got. And I thought, wow, that's an indication that I would be a dead average lawyer. And that's not a good look. And law school is expensive. Is it as expensive as my HVAC system? Probably not. I digress. Let's keep going. Blue cheese or ranch. Did I even answer that question, by the way? What would I do with my career if I wasn't in media? So no, I didn't answer it. Would I be a lawyer? No, probably not. Would I go back and be like an elementary school teacher? Absolutely not. I like being a professor. I teach for a local university and I love it. So maybe I would keep doing that. Or okay, bear with me. I would be a bread maker. I would just make bread. And not bread as in cash, but like just make bread. Or maybe I'd be a baker. I do like to bake. In all shapes and sizes. Um, this is a really good question. Speaking of baking, this leads me to my next question. What is your dream blunt rotation? Bear with me here, ladies and gentlemen. We are going to go with Larry David, Dr. Phil, Bethany Frankel. I think that's beautiful. I wonder if they would all get along. Probably not. Maybe that's my nightmare blunt rotation. Although I do love seeing pictures of baby showers. This is so wrong. This is so wrong. But you know when like people post people, mothers post photos of baby showers that they have, and they're like, all of my special friends gathered in one place today to celebrate new life into the world. Sparkle. I take that and I send it to all of my friends. It doesn't even matter if they don't know the pregnant woman. I'll send it to my best friends and I'll say nightmare blunt rotation. And I want to comment that so many times. Just all these expectant mothers comment nightmare blunt rotation.

unknown 9:57

Ugh.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah, there's something about pregnant women that just really bother me lately. Really grind in the old gears. Let's move on. Ranch or blue cheese. Do you even know me? No, that's why you're asking. Uh, ranch, ranch, hidden valley ranch is everything to me. I keep a little mini Hidden Valley Ranch packet in my bag. Every single bag I own at all times. Because do you ever go to a fancy restaurant and you get fries? Maybe truffle fries. You get a little fancy. And then you say, Do you have ranch? And they say no. And then you look at them dead in the eyes and you stare into their soul and you make them question every single thing that they've ever done in their entire lives to get to this point where they told you no, they don't have a ranch at their five-star establishment. Nope, not for me. I don't like it. I'll write a review. I'll say, where is the ranch? And then sometimes they'll be like, we have homemade ranch. It's yogurt, dressing. Not the same. It's not Hidden Valley. Actually, hold please. A friend of mine just texted me this this morning. Let me pull it up. Hidden Valley is hiring ranch bassadors to travel Europe and test ranch on local food. The brand will send two duos across multiple European countries with all expenses paid to create content for eight weeks. Hidden Valley, hi, my name is Taylor Brooke. I host the Taylor Taylor Taylor show and I would love to do this. Honestly, you don't even have to pay me. You don't even have to pay me a salary. Just send me away with a bunch of ranch. It sounds like it would be better than committing yourself because it's like a free vacation and you're doing all this therapy. The therapy is eating and putting ranch on every single thing that you eat. That sounds incredible. You want me. Also, Hidden Valley, I infamously had a phone case for about four years of my existence that just had Hidden Valley ranch bottles all over it because of how obsessed I am with you. Let's keep going. Dream podcast guest. Honestly, probably Paula Abdul. I just love her. Or more current, like right now, someone that I'm just obsessed with is Megan Moroni. Okay, bear with me here. When she says, get dressed up, let you take me out. Like, I just can't. Like that right there scratches some itch in my brain, just the way she says it. Get dressed up. I wanna get dressed up. I just love it. I love it. God, it scratches an itch in my brain. I just I can't. Um, how do you stay so beautiful all the time? Oh, honey, that was so kind. Kind. That was a friend. I'm keeping that in there. Where are your favorite places to shop? I love Nordstrom. I'm also a big HM girly. I love a cheap find. I do shop at the occasional Walmart. Judge me. Go ahead. Judge me. I love a Walmart find. You know what else I was thinking about Walmart recently with the new Hannah Montana 20-year anniversary coming up? The thing that I still remember is going into my local Walmart and there being a Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana clothing line. And if you bought enough like Hannah Montana merch, I guess they would give you this VIP Walmart card and it was like a lanyard of sorts, and you got into MileyWorld.com with it. Does anyone else remember this? Because I still have my Walmart VIP, like Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus. It's purple, it's like a plastic material and it has a code on it. I'll have to like attach a picture in the comments of this or something, but I remember that vividly. Vividly. What that w words? Here we go. What's your favorite song right now? I I think that Megan Moroni song. What is it? Wish I didn't. Is it wish I didn't? Wish I didn't. She goes, get dressed up. I'm not, I'm not doing it justice. And like anyone that listens to this for Megan Moroni's team is gonna be like, oh my god, she's making fun of her. I'm not. I just can't hit that note that she does. Um, fun fact, we'll say allegedly, allegedly, uh, Megan Moroni's team was one of the first people to reach out to my team and say, hey, she would love to be on the podcast, but like she's just not in town when you're in town. Is that a lie? I don't think so. I don't think so. I'll be sure to let you know. If I see her gallivanting across Broadway, I'm gonna say, hey. What is something that you uh don't love, but everyone else seems to be obsessed with? Uh, babies, children. What is the weirdest DM you've ever received? Probably what's your favorite kind of cheese? Yeah, so I have this one DM and I've never opened it, and I never like deleted it either or blocked the person because it was so random. Like, who slides into someone else's DMs and just says, Hi, what's your favorite kind of cheese? Unprovoked. I just think that's so funny. For me, it's so funny. What's something that incidentally ruins your mood? Too many external sounds. So, you know, like if you're out at like your local department store and there's a baby crying, the music is too loud, and someone is like doing the cashier, the the buttons are like making noise, if there's too many sounds, I just I short circuit. What's the most unhinged purchase you've made recently? A fucking HVAC system. What's the most awkward interview moment you've ever had? Oh she says three times. Oh, ooh, oh. I think it would have to be what can I say and what can I cannot say? How many NDAs did I sign? And are they still valid right now? Wow. Megan Moroni hit me up because I think I could be a next feature on your new album. Hmm, in terms of awkward, I think I've had times before where guests have said, like, I don't want to answer that question, and sometimes it can be uncomfortable, especially if it's someone that's a little elevated in society, like they're on a TV show or something like that, allegedly. So yeah, that's happened. What does a perfect day look like for you? Not leaving my bed, having my coffee delivered by my husband, bedside, cuddling with my dogs, watching bravo reruns from the early 2000s, and not moving. Maybe picking up my Kindle for a little bit. What is something that people misunderstand about you? Ooh, we're getting deep. I love this, my little gremlins. I think a lot of people, even my listeners, even my little gremlins, sometimes you guys think that I am very stupid. Now let me tell you this: it's an act. I would rather be severely underestimated because I have been my whole entire life, than overestimated. Like I want you to be very impressed when you meet me. No, all of all of what I say is for comedy. Most of it's a joke. 98% of what I say on this podcast is humor. It's funny, it's storytelling. Allegedly. Have you noticed how much I'm dropping allegedly into this episode? I'm really trying to make my legals team life a lot easier. What is your current hyperfixation? Cottage cheese, but specifically the lactose-free version of it. Lactate? Yes, lactate. I'm obsessed with you guys. I'm lactose intolerant, so like my life is already so, so, so hard. But having cottage cheese, ugh, that's lactose-free. I love it. I get a lot of hate for that on social media though. You guys don't love that I love cottage cheese. I don't know what freaks you out about it. Uh, I recently had someone ask me, like, what do you put on it? Like, what's your cottage cheese fixation? And I think they were expecting me to say, like, I dress it up with all these fun things. No, I just eat it straight out of the carton, baby. Just a big old spoon, and I shove all that cottage cheese right in my mouth. Okay, what else? What is your most irrational fear? I don't think this is irrational. Helen, if you're listening, we've covered this in therapy a lot. Actually, we're working through it right now. I'm terrified that everybody is going to die, and not in the way of like, oh my god, the world is gonna end. Ugh, my life is over. Like, I don't care about that. That's fine. Like, if the world ended tomorrow, I would be peaceful about it because I would go at the same time as everyone else. But what I worry about is what if in some weird warped world everybody dies and it's just me, like left, and me and strangers. Like there's nobody else that like I can confide in, like, I don't have friends, you can hear my dogs in the background. Like, what if I'm just alone? That's terrifying. And that's also why sometimes I'm like, should I have a child one day just so I'm not completely alone when everybody else dies? But I take comfort in the fact of knowing that my best friend is two years younger than me. So chances are she'll still be alive. So she can take care of me, my old age. Or we can take care of each other. Aw, that's cute. Okay, what's a random fact about you that sounds fake, but it's true? That I got into law school. Nobody believes that. Nobody believes that. They're like, okay, Taylor, the girl who gets sued all the time. Are we gonna talk about it? Are we gonna talk about that, by the way? Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, let's talk about it. When let's talk about defamation, okay? So let me make something very, very, very, very clear. If I tell a story on my podcast, it's a story. If I name one of your clients, Juliet, then you responding via social media and like making it a big deal and making people like want to hate me, that kind of messes up your defamation suit, right? Because you brought it to social media. You didn't text me, you didn't reach out to me or my team. You just made a video about how mad you were. How upset you were. Your client's not even in Hollywood anymore. Allegedly. Allegedly, all this happened. Um, please go kick rocks. I'm not concerned with you at all. You've done nothing but increase the visibility of this podcast, babe, and for that, maybe I'll send you a fruit basket, a nice little edible arrangement. You look like you could use one. I digress, allegedly, allegedly. Let's keep talking. What is the weirdest brand deal you've ever been offered? For that, I would have to say it was a sex toy brand, and they like sent some merch, but I didn't go through it the whole deal because my podcast was very, very baddy new. And I was a little bit nervous because my grandparents listen to this podcast and my in-laws listen to this podcast. My parents, I don't care about, they know everything. My poor father is like between me and my sister and my mom, like, you cannot phase him anymore. And also, I tell my mom everything. Everything, even things she doesn't want to know. So, yeah, that would not phase her at all. She would be like, Yes, go, girl, get that deal, make that bread. But for some reason, I was a little embarrassed. I didn't want to like promote a sex toy brand right out of the gate here, you know? But you know, all bets are off at this point. What is your most chaotic personality trait? I think that once I form an opinion on someone or something that's negative, it won't change. For instance, like if you're a friend of mine and you're like, Billy cheated on me, or Billy yelled at me, like I'm never gonna like Billy again. Like, I will plot Billy's demise. Like, anytime you talk about Billy with me, I'll be like, oh my god, that's amazing. I love that he got you a Cartier bracelet. So freaking nice. Billy's the best. And then I'll go home and be like, I actually wish nothing but the worst for Billy. What is your comfort show that you've watched too many times? Friends. I watch Friends incessantly. I also have all of the box sets I can tell you every season, every episode, all the titles. Obsessed. What is something that people think is glamorous about media that actually Actually, it isn't glam. You would think getting your glam done would be the best part of your day. No, it's frustrating because you can't look at your phone that much because, like, they're doing all the stuff to your face and your hair. And then, like, if you get the wrong glam, this is so out of touch. This I need to go touch grass after this. But if you get the glam done incorrectly, like it just doesn't vibe with like your facial features, or like maybe the contour is too heavy, or maybe like you need to brush out your curls a bit, it's so embarrassing for no reason at all to be like, I don't like this. Because you're paying for it, right? But like to say that you don't like someone else's art, their work, even though it's on your body, is so embarrassing and I never do it. And then I'll go into an interview and I'll look like a fucking clown and I hate myself. I hate it. Yeah, glam. Glam. You need to find a good glam person if you're in the entertainment sphere. Did I talk enough? I feel like we're at like 22 minutes. This is amazing. Thank you guys so much for the ask me anything. Um, maybe I'll do these more often. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll keep doing these audio podcasts. You guys seem to love it. Maybe because you don't have to like look at my face the whole time, which I totally understand. Follow me on Instagram, follow me on TikTok, follow the podcast, rate subscribe. You can support the podcast, you can become a monthly subscriber via BuzzFrout. Isn't that exciting? You're excited. I can tell, I can feel the excitement through the fucking microphone right now. Don't forget to give us a follow, subscribe, rate this podcast, and I'll see you next week, my little gremlins.