Single & Set Apart: Preparing Your Life For What You’re Praying For

In this episode of For Such a Time As This, I sit down with Seth and Sam, twin brothers in their early 30s, to talk about singleness, growth, and what it really means to prepare for a relationship.

We dive into the importance of focusing on yourself in this season, not from a place of self-focus, but from a place of stewardship. What are the areas God is calling you to grow in before inviting someone else into your life?

In this conversation, we talk about:
• Becoming the best version of yourself before entering a relationship
• What it truly means to be equally yoked in a Christ-centered relationship
• Taking responsibility for your own growth and maturity
• Creating a life and environment that can actually welcome a partner
• Trusting God’s timing while doing the work He’s placed in front of you

This episode is a reminder that singleness isn’t just about who you’re waiting for, it’s about who you’re becoming.

Season 2, Single & Set Apart, is all about calling, timing, and trusting God in every season you’re in.

🎧 Listen now and join the conversation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome back to another episode of Conceptor Times This is a podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season that you're actually in, not just the one you hope to be in. My name's Bethany and I'm your host. This season is our second season. It's called Single and Stead Apart. So I'm talking to um Christian singles or people that were single kind of later in life but aren't single anymore. Um and I'm super excited for what you guys might learn in this season. Um so let's just sit back, relax, and see what God might have for you in this episode. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode. These are my friends, Seth and Sam's. I'm so excited to have them on this episode of Single and Set Apart. Thank you guys for being here today. All right, so let's just start at the very beginning. You're both single, twins, 31, right? Yeah, okay. So uh whoever wants to start first, tell me about like your singleness journey, like how it's been so far and how it is, like where you are at right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Well, for me, I think last year was a very pivotal point in my life when no, you you uh you date and certain situations don't work out, and then you still realize that even at the situations don't work out, there's some internal things you need to fix. So I was at a place where I was like, uh, what am I supposed to be doing right now? He woke me up, gave me scriptures to read, and he said, go deeper in him. I started fasting more, praying more, going to Saturday prayer. Shout up EU church, by the way. Uh, and from there, he just started working on my mental, my emotional, and I've learned to enjoy my singleness. And he spilled every space with completeness and wholeness. I actually love being single now. I had always been to that point. So now I'm to the point where I'm like, okay, I feel like I'm ready to date again, and God's time.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Okay, okay, well, what are we feeling?

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Um, what's interesting is my singleness journey is um I've been single for a while. But this past year, God is He's leaned in my spirit to work on personal development. And when I've been working on personal development during the through the last prayer 20 morning through fasting, he will wake me up or he would show me in a vision of five different things to work on in one day.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Oh well, succeed.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

And when um I was thankful for one of those things I wouldn't have saw with my natural eye if I was to turn it down my plate or if I was a fast it. And this time I feel more complete, I feel more whole, and I feel like this seminar's journey, all right, what else I need to fix? What else I need to critique? Not only for a spouse, but for my own enrichment, my own development as a person.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

So this seminar's journey has been um it's been smoked.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Okay. How long have you both been single right now?

SPEAKER_02 3:01

I've been single for about I want to say about a year and a half.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Truth is, I've been single for a very long time. Pass a year and uh Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

I have too. So it's fame. I've been single for oh, I think we're at five years now. Um so yeah, it's a journey for sure. So what do you each of you think is like the struggle part or the harder part of being single?

SPEAKER_02 3:36

I think the hardest part is during the holidays.

unknown 3:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Thanksgiving, Christmas, you haven't seen people in a while. Even this time of year where it's Valentine's Day is coming up, singles night is coming out, relationship series or not, there's a there's a rush and the demand is so high right now to just say, okay, let me put my fletch aside, or what do you want me to do right now? That's the hardest part for me.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

I think the hardest part for me for um soon is um seeing me have personal development. Say, okay, who is the woman that I can encounter or God can align me with that compliments the work I've done before I got to her.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Um and this and the hard part is it's like, okay, now I think Logan wants to see coming, because I'm a human.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

But um, I want to see if the work that I've done compliments the person who God created her to be.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

So that's the hardest part about being a single in this season.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

I can't agree on that. Okay. Finding complimentary is very important.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah, that makes sense. And then the holidays for sure. I feel that too. Um do you guys in your life have people that you feel like pressure you to not be single anymore?

SPEAKER_02 4:56

I don't I don't think so. Uh, from the church does it. I think if once you let the church know where you are, they had expected my family members at a less family reunion has said, hey, you know, and you're due seasons, you can take your time, do what's best for you. I think more sort of society thing. But society saying you're 31, you should do this, this, and this.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

But for me, outside of that, and I really had to um, like we look at Shade Room and Ball Alert and all these other social media outlets. So for me, I've had to, you know, minimize social media and just look at healthy pages about, hey, your same list is real. Um, it's a healthy season. Or this is fine. There's nothing wrong with you. You have to be very careful uh the social media outlets you're looking at. I'll say it will give you a straighter comparison.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Oh, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

I yeah, I have twice now. One now I'm passing from social media like for a pre-21. But um, a couple months ago, I like faceted from social media just like for myself because like for me, I noticed that it's like maybe because the algorithm I'm on or whatever, it's just so much about like, oh, you should be in a relationship. This is how you get in a relationship and this is what guys want and et cetera, et cetera. Or like on my Facebook, it's like constantly like, oh, this person got in a relationship, oh, this person got engaged, or this person got married. And I was getting to the point where I didn't like I wasn't genuinely happy for those people because I saw it over and over and over again. So I at that point a couple months ago, when I like saw someone and I was like, I'm just jealous, I'm not even happy. I was like, okay, I need a break. I need to like get off of social media and just like take a pause. And it's so much better when I'm off of social media, I'll say, because it's like, oh, I don't see that in front of my face every two seconds. So definitely could definitely feel that I'm agree.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

No doubt.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Do you guys take like social media fast or you just like try to not be on it a lot?

SPEAKER_02 7:01

It's so funny you said that because I have a friend and she says, Sam feels like you pass so much from social media on and off. Um, I can't tell when they send you memes or not. I do crash for social media. I think the main thing for me is just the uh unpowering the negative pages that really keeps your peace when singleness. I know it's that my house following the negative pages and following all the love quotes uh that can heighten up your level of emotion, your desire to be in a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Yeah, that's smart.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

I do the emotional regulation.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Yeah. For like Instagram I can do that. But when you come to like the TikTok or the thread side of social media, the like for you page, like I don't follow those people, but it just keeps being over and over. So I gotta figure out like how to get off of the algorithms that are one on those or something. Because I like I have to use social media like for my job. Like I'm a marketing director, so I like run a social media page and I um like use social media for this podcast. Um, so I'm like, I'm gonna have to be on social media. I can't like just completely be like, I'm done with social media. So I'm trying to find like it's part of the nonsense. Exactly. I'm trying to find like the balance because I clearly have to do it. Even right now, like I'm doing a social media fast, but I still have to be on my like like my Chick-fil-A marketing like social media page. Like I still can be on that every day. Thankfully, that is just full of like Chick-fil-A stuff.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

And you see, very hard fasting Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Yeah, that's true. Me working at Chick-fil-A and fasting has been it's been a test for sure, but it's been a good test. I've been like, oh, it's kind of like empowering in a way, but also it's like I have on my screensaber right now is the my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness. He does. I feel like I'm saying that to myself multiple times a day right now because I'm like, I'm hungry, I want to eat, but your strength is made perfect in my weakness, Lord. I don't know how to do. Okay, so what do you think are ways that the Lord has like shown you blessings or like things that He's changed your mindset in as far as singleness? Like, what's the good about happy?

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Um, I think the Lord has changed my mindset in is that abundant joy, peace, and happiness is within you, whether you have a spouse or not. Um, too many times too often we say, I'll be happy when.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

I'll happen when I get the the spouse, I'll be happy when they accelerate my dreams, purpose, goals, and aspirations. But he's showing me abundant joy and peace is your inheritance. So it's yours whether you uh before you have a partner or after I put you or assign you a partner. I think for me, where he's why I've learned is when a situation doesn't work out. A friend told me that she says, Sam, if you don't work out with a young lady, the young lady might have actually wanted to date you, but she might have gone to God first and God might have told him no.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

And I never heard that before. So I think sometimes we interpret no as, oh, this person didn't want me or didn't, you don't know what God's communicated. Said that truth. It retake offense to, oh, they're saying um, they're trying to friend zone me, they're trying to do that. You have to be very careful, you have to be spiritually mature to understand the his thoughts and the outs.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What um, like, how are you guys practically going about dating nowadays? Or are you just like, I'm single, I'm just in my single area?

SPEAKER_02 10:42

I with this one school and my career by I'm open to dating, um, assuming that the the spiritual maturity and we're equally yoked is there, I'm open to that. And I'm also, but I'm not an online dater.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

I'm not Oh, yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

To each his own. Yeah. But for me, I like G watch people, women's fruit to see what they're buying. Are they active in church? Are they serving? Are they nice? Are they kind? Do they have goals? And once I see that, then I would pursue. But in terms of online and dating and stuff, and sometimes you know there's seasons where God tells you to take a break.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Sometimes the the fluctuation of dating can burn you out from everyone else dating.

unknown 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Especially if you go to events and everyone's saying, Oh, let me, oh, what are you doing and what you doing? What y'all think about this question? So sometimes I go to uh certain settings and I say, you know what, guys, can we talk about business?

unknown 11:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Can do techum not talk about love? Can we talk about spiritual maturity or this law that how we're gonna use it to capitalize off what we're doing and that? So, you know, sometimes love can't be every consume everything.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Um, for me, um, I'm open to dating. Um I'm a believer that God works in infinite ways. He doesn't perform the same miracle the same way, the same day, the same time, and a certain space or capacity. So I said to say this, I'm open to Hinge dating, Facebook dating, tell them there. Um somebody wants to sign the DMs, or if I sign the DMs, I'm open to it.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

Because I believe God works and um he works in mysterious ways, and we don't know which which end he wants to be a blessing to you.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:35

Um, we're in 2026, and the Lord can tell a whisper in the woman's spirit, oh, shoot your shot at Seth. It could be through a uh whatever dating app.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

But if I say, and that could be my spouse, the ones that's the tendency God has for me.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

But if I say, hey, I'm not open to Hinge or I'm not open to the DMs, yeah, I don't only disqualify myself, yeah, I'm a great person. I disqualify myself on using acceleration and the fullness of my destiny. So that's why I'm open to it, because I was like, oh well, I don't want to miss out on the fullness of my destiny all because of my mindset was when I was single. Right. I have to meet her in person.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

I have to meet at the market, I have to meet her at Wise and Noble. I know that's the typical uh circumstance situation, but we had to be open-minded.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Right, for sure. And nowadays it's so like everything's so jumbled, like I don't even know. What's your experience with them? Because I wasn't really finding like You want to go.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

I go first. Okay. I haven't quite been successful because I don't have a ring on my finger.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Well, yeah, okay, care.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

So, um, but it could be my person may not be registered on that. Right. So it could be that um I may not be following my person on a social sort of a certain social media app.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

So, you know, my I can meet somebody. It's today's January 23rd, I think.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

I don't know, the 24th.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

24th, okay. And Lloyd could tell my spouse, create an app. Oh. Create a uh create hop on that app and go through and when I will let you know who your spouse is, who to like, and who to have interaction with.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Exactly. Because the same way he like tells us like this isn't where you're supposed to be, he could tell somebody you are supposed to be. Very, very true.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

That's my uh experience with DNA. My experience is not as it's not, it's different because for me, I like to see people how they first. And I feel like if you have an online dating gap, you're gonna put things up there that make yourself look good. And sometimes people are you post exactly who they are, but if I'm just looking at you from my page, I don't really get to see who I really are without discernment.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Yeah. So that's why I feel like you I think you explained it really well because I think that's like how I feel, and I just didn't put it into words that I think I also whenever I was on them, I'd always be like, I just don't like I don't know, it's just so weird, like online. Like I need to see something in person because I need to see like their personality before I can like jump into anything.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Yeah. Do you do you that do you get burnt out from the Danny apps at home?

SPEAKER_02 15:32

Um that's an excellent question. Sometimes my faith is really high. I said, I'm on. And sometimes when my faith, not it's not depleted, but it goes down, will go up. I'm not finance when I said, okay, maybe I need to come up. So it goes back and forth. I'm not double-minded.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Discouraged and take a break.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

But um, I just have to remember that God has a an assigned person for me to have to stay over to what he wants to do in the season of my life as as it pertains to uh daily.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Yeah, for sure. Do you so how do you guys feel about girls shooting their shots? And what does that even mean?

SPEAKER_02 16:17

I follow up. I don't have well, I believe that men are supposed to be pursuers, right? But sometimes I think we have to be careful with the social climate in terms of hugging people and stuff, and you have to be careful with. So what I'm getting at is you could think someone like you, but it's just being friendly.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

So for me, I always say, Lord, if someone likes me, let them just tell me. Because for me, I might miss a thing, oh, she just friendly, you know, or she's just an extrovert, or you know, oh, she's just trying to get Christian community. But the whole time you might find out, oh, I would she might have been waiting for you to talk to her, but how would I know? You know?

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

So I for me, I would just I'd say, Sam, I like you.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Okay, I like really sure her shot. Like just out there. Okay. But are you ever gonna will you do the same? Like if you like a girl, you do a depth.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Well, it's at I spy up the lands. She's about to think you just be hard because some people are just very friendly, you can interpret that before.

unknown 17:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

So even if a girl isn't showing like any signs necessarily, if you've watched her and observed and you find that like you're attracted to her personality, you would shoot your shot at that point.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

What's that?

unknown 17:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

Um, I feel like I'm for both. I can shoot my shot or she can shoot cursed. Okay. Um there's a saying that says close mouths don't get fed. And that doesn't just pertain to males, that pertains to the ladies as well. Um we're in a culture where eppinent people, millions of billions of people are struggling to find their partner and purpose. If you see if a woman sees a man that she's in um she's interested in, she walks, she looks at his walk, she reads his spirit, he he has great fruit. Why not shoot your shot? That could mean the I know that's untraditional, and it's uh it's unconditional, untraditional, but that could be the greatest thing that could ever happen to you. All you have to do is so I'll say don't block your blessing by thinking he's supposed to shoot his shot. But as far as for me, I can shoot my shot, but she can shoot her shot. I I'd still prefer to shoot mine, but if I have a clue or just just tell me.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Okay, okay. I'm trying to think. Okay. I don't know how to word that question, so I'm just kinda pretty sober and fenced it. So you guys don't think that a girl shooting her shot is her being the pursuer.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Well, I well to a to a certain degree. What do you mean? Um, because if we don't know, we don't know.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Right. But if you don't know, doesn't that mean like you're not really interested? Because you would know.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

Well, some some women are quieter than others, or more social than others. So if someone is saying, like, so for example, we have a we have a standard as men to not let any women walk there. Let women that not to not let any woman walk to their car. That doesn't particularly mean that we like you.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

And I've heard women say, oh, he offered to walk me to my car. He likes me, and we all were like, you know, it was just 12 o'clock at night, game night, and it's dark, and we just we want to make sure you're protected. So I don't I'm believing pursuing just to show a woman that's the first time in the leadership. However, if we don't know, we don't know.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

But but now as I've gotten more switch and mature, I would say, Lord, if you want me where tell me like okay, let it resonate in both our spirits.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Right. Yeah. I think that would be good. Cause I'm in my head, I'm like, why would I shoot my shot? Like if he is interested, clearly he will shoot a shot.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

And sometimes men are just they're they're scary. It takes a lot sometimes for men to say, hey, I like you. Because we don't want to be rejected. We don't have a little worry going around the beach. But we don't want words shot going around saying, Oh, I shot my shot at this person, and they said no. And it's a lot of uh, it could be, you know, scary person.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

That's fair. I think it's scary on our end too, though. And not only is it like we're scared of rejection, it's also like we don't want to come off as like pursuing you by ask like by like shooting air shot. So I think at least in my head, like on the women's side, it's like we don't know what to do. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Yeah, I that burger. I understand. Let's understand.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Well, always shoot your shit. Like for me, in my case, always shoot your shot.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

But let's say a woman shoots their shot, then at that's like all she should do, right? Then the guys are the pursuers from there.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Let me say his ballpark to say it's initiative to say, hey, I like what I see, you like what you see. That's taking to the next step. That's exchange numbers, cover cover, so I'll learn her thing, like you. And she she initiating dates. That's not cool.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Okay, I got you. Have you guys had people shoot their shot and then they're initiating dates, and so then it like turns you off because they're pursuing?

SPEAKER_02 21:58

No. Um I hate women shoot that shot at me through Instagram. And um that's when I would take the next initiative, say, hey, we should number, we should hang out, we should get the noise out of that. But um no, once she shoot her shot, or if I shoot my shot, this ball game. I agree with him. But no matter who shoots that shot, the man at some point should be like continuing that initiation.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

That makes sense. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Make her feel safe.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Yeah. Hey you guys, it's me again. Don't worry, I'll be right back with our guests. I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you so much for spending time with us today. I hope you're enjoying the episode so far. Let's sit and think about what might have been said that can relate to your life today. And if you're enjoying it, make sure you like, subscribe, follow, comment, all the things you can find us on YouTube for such time as this with Bethany Garner, or you can find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. All right, let's get back to them. So you guys are like both open to dating, as in like if somebody, if you notice somebody, you'll like go ahead and go for it, but you have your own things that you're focusing on at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Right. Cool. What is do you think there's like a level or a balance between like discerning whether you're supposed to go for someone and just like striving for like wanting a spouse? So, like, for example, if you notice someone and you're like, oh, I kind of want to shoot my shot with them, is there like a pausing moment of like discerning whether you're supposed to or not? Or is it just like, oh, well, I'm single and I'm like trying to find my wife, so let's shoot my shot and see where it goes?

SPEAKER_02 23:47

I think it's a combination of both. I think the first thing should be discern. And but even when you discern, you still have to take that leap of faith and that strive to see where it goes.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Same.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

I agree. Um, I believe that discernment, discernment will uh it will relieve any call to judgment whether you should pursue this person or not. Then that you have to take the leap of faith and say, hey, if God wants to be with this person, it will line up. If God doesn't want if he doesn't want me with this person, he's gonna redirectly to the correct person, even the shot does not go in.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Do you guys ever worry about like what if he doesn't actually like have a person for you? What if you're supposed to be single?

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Hmm. So I do understand that God does not call everybody to marriage.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

But I also understand that because even if he gives you a desire for marriage, you have to make sure it comes from a whole place. It can't come from a place of ginness or brokenness or loneliness. I don't worry about that. I my main focus is making sure I get the correct person. Um for me, I believe that um I believe that for me, like I'm not worried, but I know God has someone for me because I do desire marriage. But I'm also focused on who I need to become so that when I step into the marriage, the marriage can be all this God has called it to be. And too many times too often people could go into a marriage saying, and there's nothing wrong with anyone wanting marriage. Well, who do I need God shape me, mold me, and purify me to the husband you need me to be and the father need me the father need me to be. So when I take that step into marriage, it can be all is called it to all you called it to be, and so much bigger more than he can ever imagine. But it's biblical too, um, that he said it was in your helping.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

Yeah, that's true. In my head I always am like, but then what is Paul talking about like later when he's like it's better for man to be single?

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Maybe he was given the gift of celibacy.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Um on like that topic, since you brought it up, we actually had a listener question about like what is it what is the struggle of remaining pure like in like the Christian faith.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

The struggle, I don't think it's a struggle if you're fasting and you're praying a lot, and you're in your godly community, and you know your limits being self-aware. Right. So I don't suggest men that want you do things the godly way before marriage. I don't think you should be having a whole bunch of Instagram models following your Instagram feed.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

I don't think you should be around women that intentionally dress uh to put you in positions and just having that godly community and even the things that you watch on TV, everything is not for you. But if you guard your it even when it comes down to music, if you guard your lifestyle around what you're trying to do and you fast those fast those things away, it can be done.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

Yeah, that's so true.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

Yes. Um, with me, um, purity, um, I saw this quote on Instagram. It said, the heart the the wisest man fell because of his flesh, Solomon. And the strongest man fell because of his flesh, Samson. Let that be a lesson to all men. And so when I looked at that quote, it changed my whole perspective of how I look at purity.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Purity for most men is an option, it's not mandatory.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

And when you make purity when you make purity mandatory, there's certain guardrails and boundaries you're gonna put with. You're not gonna watch everything, you're not gonna listen to everything, you're not gonna be around women who activate your flesting nature, or um you you look at the fullness of your destiny and the projector of your life and say, hey, this is the period I need to be for two reasons. A, so that I can s when God speaks, I can listen. And also so that there's no reason to disqualify me for what God truly wants to do in my life. Because we we are in a culture where many men are falling because they can't put that flesh under subjection.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

And so as men of God, we have to say, hey, what are they doing? What should they have not done, and put it in within me so that I can have a purity, how I have a pure life, so that the Lord can only get glory out of what I'm doing in my singleness, but he needs the glory out of when I get married. I just want to add one last point.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Yeah, sure, of course.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Someone once said, when you're pursuing purpose and your eyes are fully on God, you're not running sin. You don't have time to. You just fully focus on your desk and you're working out and you're taking care of your temple, you're reading your word, you're in praise and worship, you're in church, you know, you're working on your crap and stuff. By the time you the enemy tempts you, you should be sleepy and soft.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

Oh, yeah, that's good. That's gonna be my point. Um in society, but also like in the church, sometimes there's a lot of different like opinions that come at us when we're single. There's opinions about like, oh, put yourself out there more. There's opinions about like, well, when you stop looking, they'll come around. Um, there's like, well, just wait, someone's coming for you. What um when people say those kind of things to you, if they do, live in for me all the time. At all. How do you like at this point for me? I'm just like, okay, and I just it it was a thought and then it's gone because everybody has their own opinions and I'm just okay. But how do you like receive that? Already said these different opinions.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

I receive it from different uh perspectives. Well, one, I look at it like a job application. No one knows you're hiring. No one knows that you're looking for a job if you don't put in a resume. Now, sometimes in special occasions, someone might call you and say, hey, are you interested in this job even or you didn't apply? So I think can you just submit your bid and at least put out there? Now you have to use discernment on where you put it. I wouldn't put it in a club, I wouldn't put it in a lounge. But if you put it in a trusted uh church community over my own spiritual mentor, then say, hey, I'm looking to date that way you have older wise counsel that could discern and praying fast with you on one by outfit with that search. Yeah. So I think that's one thing. I think another part is you have to put yourself around certain community. Uh for me, I went to women's night, you know. I served at women's. I was gonna say, did you serve? Yeah, I served. So I served at women's night. So I think just putting yourself in different areas to uh get a different perspective. And we have eight locations at our church. So why not try to go to Silver Spring? Why not try to go to Flowers? Pastor Braun Hayes is a mighty man of God. I'm pretty sure he has a lot of men that he mentored that are ready for marriage down there. You know, we have to And they're ready to leave. Exactly. So I think you have to test the box, test it out a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Like I go to North Carolina.

SPEAKER_02 31:17

That's saying yeah. But you know, we have to go in the areas like me. We want we when we want to go to a sporting event, we we do certain things. We prepare, we set the atmosphere. When we go to a concert, we set the atmosphere. So in any every other area, we set the atmosphere. I think preparing for a spouse we should as well.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

That was so good. Oh my goodness. Those like analogies and metaphors. I've never thought of it as like a job application either. But that's a really good way to like put it to understand it better. Wow. Thank you. Um Okay. What is there anything that you guys wish the church as a whole, not our church specifically, like the church? Um, we could say the American church. Okay. That you wish that they would do differently when it comes to like singleness or speak about differently.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Just saying to love God is not enough.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

This just love God and your person will come. No, we need to work on our mental, our emotional, our finances, our career. We need to ask God to turn every weakness into a strength. We need it uh takes a lot of personal development. It says seek ye first the kingdom, not the only thing. So that's yes, it's good that you love God, but what is your work ethic look like? Do you believe in therapy? Do you believe in what does your circle look like? I think if we can, as a Christian community, can get those things, I think it will help a lot of young people. Absolutely than anybody do.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Yeah, that's we're good.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

Um, I think the Christian community as a whole, as far as the American community, I think we need to teach and elaborate more on um uh self-discovering. Um if you don't know yourself, it's gonna be very hard to go and discover what you need in a spouse.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

The person who I was at 22 isn't the person who I am at 31. Because of information, knowledge, um, analogies, perspective, personal development, and growth. So first I would advise discover who you are, discover what God put on you and go put within you. Then go out into the market, which is a trusted Christian community, and tell um and show the haylight and and design what's a great complimentary to what's my purpose, what's a complimentary towards my um personality, what's a pretty great complimentary to the fullness of my destiny. Yeah. I'm not saying you can't have somebody here and raise them up. Yeah. I'm not saying that. But you need a great complimentary, not just picking, yeah, picking on it. Should be like equally yoked. Equally yoked, absolutely. And equally yoked has a lot in definition. Equally yoked does not mean they're both believers. Right. Equally yoked could be they're whole and you're pro-king. Equally yoke, equally yoke. And I equally yoke can be they have an abundance mentality. You might have a scarcity month. It's a lot of definitions and like it's the equally yoke.

unknown 34:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

My add to that equally yoke.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Um, another definition of um unequally equally yoke or unequally yoked is your faith is to the moon and theirs on the ground.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

And when you do if I if I was a if I'm a man who's courting, dating, or in a relationship, or marriage, or partnership with a woman who doesn't have any faith, it's going to cause a lot of problems because we're not equally up when it comes to the faith aspect.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

And, you know, equally old do they believe in therapy? Do you?

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

Um, do they believe in saving do you? Um, how do you view our finances? How do you view prophecy? How do you view um personal development, spiritual development? How do you view fasting and praying? We have all have to be on the same page for us to match what God wants to do within us.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Sounds good. Um, what is something that you have had to stop believing, like a lie that you've had to stop believing about yourself or about singleness that has like brought you peace now? So, like, for example, for me, like one of the things is like everybody leads me or like I'm not worthy of love. So I've like had to turn that into that's not true. That's not what God says. So what's something for you guys?

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Just because you're single doesn't mean you're not a great catch.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

Um, a lot that the enemy has told me was just because you're waiting a long time does not mean that God can't show in and show out and put on a miracle and align you with the right person. Too many times too often we look at the time frame and say, hey, if God doesn't work within his time frame, he's forgot about me. He's left me, he's forsaken me. But he's that's not what he's saying. Sometimes it could be work on yourself. So I'm talking about it's for the other person to work on themselves. So it's um it's the the lie that's been told we can't believe it. And we have to also believe that God's timing is better than our timing. His plans not our plans, our thoughts not our thoughts. And sometimes when we when we tuck away our thoughts with his thoughts, especially when it comes to marriage or partnership, we'll be so we're so happy we'll be happy because what we want thought we want it, where he has hard for us is far for more than we can make.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

So absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

I try to tell myself, like recently I've tried to like make sure I'm changing my mindset in certain areas. So like one of the things I've been telling myself is like, if I'm waiting this long, it's gonna be amazing when I get there. And I've also been like telling myself, like, even if I feel like I'm ready, I'm sure there's things I can work on. But even if I feel like I'm ready, like that doesn't mean my person is ready. So like I found myself recently praying, like, God, like mold him, get his mind right so that like he's ready for like when we come together. Because if he's not ready or I'm not ready, it's gonna be all of this.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Is there a specific this is gonna put you on the spot, I'm sorry, because there's like a specific scripture that like comes to mind that like gives you guys peace in like your sinfulness error.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

Oh yes. Uh I'll give you peace at all times in every way. And there's another verse that says, Mercy, peace, and love is yours in abundance. Um, there's two scriptures. Jeremiah 29 and 11, for I know the thoughts and plans I have for you. Um, we always equate that scripture to businesses and careers and wealth and stuff. But uh one of those plans for you to get those things is for you to be with a guard-ordained spouse. So when it's the I know the thoughts and plans I have for you, he has a plan for your marriage to prosper, he has a plan for your marriage to influence. But first, you have to align with the person. Um, the another scripture is the Lord orders the steps of a good man. So, what that means for me is in my sermon is what gives me peace is if I'm supposed to meet someone or be alive with someone, the Lord may say, go to this store, go to this workshop, uh, register for this business course. And we have to he's ordering when he orders you when the Lord orders your steps, he's setting you up or miracle sign of one that not only he can get the glory for. We'll always equate the Lord orders your steps for as far as business and career and aspiration, dreams, goals. And there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. But he also orders your steps for your romantic life as well.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

And I think something that's important for me to remember because I will be like so worried that like I'm gonna miss something that the Lord is like sending my way. Like if he like wants me to register for this class and I'm like, I miss registering for it. Now I like ruined my whole life, is like, no, the Lord will like just redirect you back to where you're supposed to be. So that's been like a comfort break. Yes, yes. We'll be routing. Okay, um, wrap-up question for you guys. What's one piece of encouragement that you would each give to someone that's kind of in the same situation that you're in right now? It's the same area of life.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

Um, have fun with or without a partner. Um be smart and intelligent in every area of your life so that you can attract that partner. And lean in on God like never before, so that when he does, so he and keep yourself pure so that when he shows you through vision or through a dream or he tells you in your spirit, this is your time today. You can air clearly so there won't be no confusion. For me, it would be asked to sustain you through singleness and to fill every space mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. And when you continue to pray those things, your desire for romance will still be there, but it won't be as high. And ask God, Lord, do I desire romance from a whole place or from a needy place? That stands on both of us. And the last thing I would say is, be the best version of yourself. And God is merciful, God is graceful, where he's gonna give you some on where you are, and you have a choice to make. If I stake who I am, he has a partner for me. If I continue to roll he has a partner for me, what do I want?

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Choice is me.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

Good point. That's good. Thank you guys so much for joining me today. I had so much fun. Alrighty. Bye guys. Thank you guys so much for spending time with us today. I really loved having you here. If you liked this episode, make sure you share it with someone you know. I'd also love if you guys would comment any questions you might have that we can answer on future episodes. Remember that each one of you was born for such a time as this. Until next time. Bye.