.jpeg)
For Such a Time as This
A lifestyle podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season you are in right now, not just the one you hope for.
For Such a Time as This
Single & Set Apart: Loving This Season While Still Praying for the Next
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In this episode of For Such a Time As This, I sit down with Pastor Sonya, an Associate Pastor at Union Church, to talk about singleness, faith, and trusting God for marriage in a later season of life.
Pastor Sonya shares her honest journey of being in her 40s, still believing God for marriage, and navigating the very real emotions that come with it; including moments where it feels like God isn’t hearing her prayers.
We talk about what it looks like to hold onto faith for something God has placed on your heart, while also choosing to fully embrace and steward the season you’re in.
In this conversation, we dive into:
• Trusting God with the desire for marriage
• Wrestling with doubt and feeling unheard
• Finding purpose and joy in singleness
• The personal growth that comes from time alone with God
• Loving and pouring into others in this season
• Navigating shame around singleness, even while serving in ministry
This episode is a powerful reminder that faith and honesty can coexist and that God is present in every season, even when it doesn’t look like what we expected.
Season 2, Single & Set Apart, is all about calling, timing, and trusting God in every season of life.
🎧 Listen now and join the conversation.
Hey guys! Welcome back to another episode of Perceptive Time Is This, a podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season that you're actually in, not just the one you hope to be in. My name's Bethany and I'm your host. This season is our second season. It's called Single and Set Apart. So I'm talking to um Christian singles or people that were single kind of later in life but aren't single anymore. Um and I'm super excited for what you guys might learn in this season. Um so let's just sit back, relax, and see what God might have for you in this episode. Hi guys, this is my friend Pastor Sonia. She is the amazing groups pastor at Union Church, and she is so willing to come out and um be on the podcast for me. I'm so excited to have you here. Excited to be here. So this season is single and set apart. So let's just jump right in. Absolutely. Tell us, Pastor Sonia, kind of about like your singleness journey. What does singleness look like for you now and previously?
SPEAKER_00Oh, such a good question. Um, buckle up. Okay. It's been quite interesting. I would say my journey, man, it's probably a combination of prayer closets, plot twist, uh, personal development. You know, there are some seasons where I'm like, God, I trust you. God, I'm so excited. I know what you're gonna do. And then honestly, there are some seasons where I'm like, hey, God, it's me, Sonia. Do you hear me? Like, do you see me? Um, I um really interesting, sort of funny story. I um about 13 so years ago, so I was what, 35? And I went on this amazing missions trip. I'm telling you, amazing. I went to Kenya and it literally changed my life, right? And like I often say, like, I needed this more than this needed me, right? You go someplace and you think, I'm gonna minister to people, it's gonna be great, but they actually minister to me. The trip was absolutely amazing. And so when I returned, um, my family, my mom, my dad, and both of my sisters, they picked me up from the airport. I had this whole presentation, Bethany. I'm gonna share this presentation with them, how God changed my life and the people I met. And I was so excited. But when I got in the car, it was like this weird feeling in the car. I'm like, what's happening? So we get to the house and they're like, How was your trip? I'm sharing my trip. And then when I finished, they were like, Well, can we share? While I was away, both of my sisters, younger sisters, got engaged. So are you taught? You're talking about I was deflated, and I literally was like, Lord, I'm like in Africa, like doing your work, like doing your will. And I still felt like he passed over me.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I I remember I actually wrote an article and I submitted it to the paper, and the name of the article was like, Lord, is this some cruel joke? Right. And so again, there were seasons where I'm like, God, I trust you. And there were seasons where I'm like, God, do you see me? I'm doing what you want me to do, but I'm still not getting the thing that I so want, um, which is marriage, right? Um, so that has been the the journey. You know, there's been highs, there's been lows. Um, and I'm just grateful that throughout the journey, my faith has been built, right? And I see what I like to say God winks throughout.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Um, do you think your upbringing or your or your personal faith, like we can touch on one and the then the other, like how that has impacted your idea of singleness versus like marriage?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's really interesting. I think um, so in terms of my upbringing, I came from a two-parent household, um, Christian, raised Christian. My parents were great. Um, I was surrounded um around marriages like all my life. Um, my parents were in ministry, and so like various pastors, their friends, etc. And so it was something, marriage was just something that it's just gonna happen. And it's almost like you don't have to do anything to make it happen. It's just gonna poof, one day you're just gonna be married. Right. And so I never thought about like what does it take to be married? Like, what is that supposed to look like? And so the longer that I was single, I had this idea like, what am I doing wrong? What am I not doing? Like, Lord, what's happening? Like, especially when I started seeing my friends and my sisters and my circles get married, and I'm like still single. And so, quite honestly, there are seasons where like I wore shame because I'm like, I'm still single, right? And so um, I think the other thing just with my upbringing, and it's interesting when I went off to college, um, some of my counterparts, like they were in school and actively dating, but I was in college because I was taught, nope, you get your degree, you get settled, yeah, and then your spice, your spouse will come along, but not like, no, it's a both and it's actually both and. And so um there were seasons where I'm like, nope, I'm not focused on dating. I'm just gonna get my school done. I'm just gonna do schoolwork. But I think there, I know now that there's a balance, right? And so I think again, my upbringing taught me, oh, marriage will just happen, right? While you're single, you're saved. You know, if I can be honest, you don't have sex, right? You honor the Lord. Yeah. Um, you, you know, you have friend groups, but you have friend groups that are same sex, like with women, right? Yeah. If you do have friend groups and if there are men there, then they're all saved too. Um, but yeah, so it was definitely something where singleness wasn't it wasn't talked about. It was almost like you're single and then you'll get married. Yeah, right. And single is very temporary. Yes, it's a temporary state, like but while you're single, get your degree and you know, do the things that you love, and then poof, one day it'll just happen. Right. Yes, that'd be nice. That'll be nice. There's no proof happening here.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Do you think the faith aspect plays anything differently in your head? Like growing up in the faith. Did that also just seem like poof?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think I think the faith when I intersect, at least growing up, faith in singleness. Um I think it was really just a matter of um just trusting God.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And so again, I think it goes back to there's not anything you need to do, just like trust God and it'll happen. Right. Um I and you know, again, this is me being a little bit transparent. Yeah. I as I as I got older, I realized that there is something that we need to do on our part, right? Um, you do have to, you do have to activate your faith, like we like to say. What does that mean to activate your faith? Like you have to be consistently believe, like, no, marriage is something for me. Like um, one of my favorite verses and something that I just adopt is Genesis 2.18. It's not good for man to be alone. God has made him a helpmeet. And so oftentimes, like with my faith, I'm like, no, I am someone's helpmeet. I am the helpmeet. I am a helpmeet. Like it's just a confession that I have because I have to constantly renew my mind to the fact that like God gave me this desire of wanting to be married. And um so I have to definitely continue to activate my faith. Um, my singleness journey, you know, I said it's it's a lot of different things. Sometimes it feels like a roller coaster, but I realize that um I'm not in a waiting period, right? I'm not wasting my life.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right. But this is a season that it, and it's a very, it has been a very long season. It's been a very long season. I'll be 48 this year, but um it's been good and I've seen God's goodness in it. And I've just been able to do things honestly that um my friends and stuff haven't been able to do, right? Right. Um, so so yeah, I mean, it's it's been great. I definitely desire marriage, but I don't begrudge this season at all.
SPEAKER_01That's good. Yeah, there's still like in this season of singleness, I feel like there's still a combination of like desire and patience and pressure. How have you navigated the tension between like all of the different emotions?
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah, desire. Absolutely, I absolutely want to be married. You know, I say, um, I'm saved, but I'm not sedated.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I have feelings.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_00You know, I have emotions, I have desires, like they're absolutely real. And um, you know, I desire to spend my life with someone. I desire to share bills and blankets. I desire it all. But I think that um with a desire, it's admitting that there is a desire there. Yeah. And I think often um for those who are single, like we try to hide it or we minimize it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right. And no, the desire is there. The desire is real. And so what I do is I communicate, I share that desire with the Lord and with others. Like, yes, I I do want to be, I do want to be married, right? And so the desire is there. Um, the pressure, the pressure is real.
SPEAKER_01It's real from yourself or from others.
SPEAKER_00That's great. Both.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And I think when I'm not pressuring myself, others are pressuring. And I think it's people, I think it's well-meaning. Like, you know, it's things like, oh, you don't want to be married. And I'm like, I've never said that. Just because I'm single, right? So the pressure is definitely there. Um, you know, from others. And again, it's well-meaning, yeah, right. Um honestly, because of um, you know, I am a pastor, I am in the church world, and you know, marriage is something that, you know, we believe, I believe that it is God God ordained, is God designed, right? And so being in ministry and being unmarried, um, I spoke earlier about shame. So there are often times like I have to, um, I just have to uh renounce that lie. Like I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna feel shamed. I'm not gonna feel like others are looking at me like, hey, what's wrong with you? Right. And so that could be my pressure, that could be others' pressure, but still I feel it sometimes, right? And so I think so. Again, the pressure is there, right? Um, and then you talked about um um patience, patience, patience. Um I'm like, Lord, that must be the fruit of the spirit that like I keep failing because this patience, like I have extra doses and doses and doses of patience. Um and yeah, I mean, you know, I'll say singleness and patience, it's just it's really like um just putting my faith in the Lord. Um, it's also making sure that I'm not um, and I said it before, like my life isn't on hold. I'm not waiting, I'm not wasting my life, but I'm enjoying my life and I'm building my life with God and I'm doing things that like I probably wouldn't be able to do when I'm married. Right. So that, you know, when it happens, um someone isn't coming to fill a void, but they're actually just adding to my life, right? And so um patience is definitely being worked, right? Um, but I know that it's you know, it all turns out for our good. It yeah, it it really does. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I admire you because I I also like struggle with patience when I'm sitting here at at 30 and like trying not to be impatient with it.
SPEAKER_00I know it's real, it's real. I um gosh, I there were seasons in my life where my uh first wave of friends like from college got married. And then there were a few that weren't. And I saw I was like, okay, whew, at least I'm not the last one. Yeah. And then another group gets married, and then like my sisters get married, and I'm like, Lord, like, where are you at? Like, what's happening? And so um, patience is it is definitely something that has to be it, it's worked and it is fully working itself, right, through me. But then I also think like, you know, we're sitting in a season of singleness. Um, everyone wants and desires something, right? And so for someone else who's married, it may be a child, it may be a season of infertility, right? For someone who's like, you know, waiting for healing to actually manifest, it could be that, right? And so I think that's the other thing that helps me with patience. Like everyone's patience is being worked in some way. Yeah. This is just the way that my patience is being worked out, right? Yeah. Um, and so that also helps to give me perspective as well. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Do you think that um the like social expectation or or like previous relationships have impacted like your how you're handling the season? Have you been in um like long-term relationships before?
SPEAKER_00I have been in long-term relationships and um oh, this is so good. This is so good. I have been in long-term relationships where I knew I should not have been in those relationships. Yeah. Right? Um, I've been in long-term relationships um where I thought this is it. Yeah. And um there were times where I would um that I would think and I would say, I must have screwed it up. Like it's not gonna happen for me because I stayed in a relationship I shouldn't have stayed in for as long as I did. You know what I mean? Like it's just not gonna happen. And so, um, and again, that's something that when that thought comes, I'm like, no, Lord, Psalms 84, 11, there's no good thing that you will withhold from me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm walking upright, I'm doing as you what you have called me to do, like I love, like you're not gonna withhold it from me. You didn't give me this desire, like you are a good, good father. So you didn't give me a desire, and then for the desire not to be met and to come to pass, that would be cruel. We know God, God isn't cool, right? Right, he's not cruel. Yeah, um, but there, yes, and but I'll also say in the long-term relationships, I um I learned a lot about myself. And I'm like, oh, I'm so glad I worked that out in this relationship.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, and you know, like I said earlier, like in singleness, there's a lot of personal development. There's a lot of like facing you.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so um I'm glad that that happened because now I know like, okay, I can't take this with me, obviously, into the next season, right? Into marriage, etc. Yeah, into the next relationship.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That for me too. When I I was in like longer term relationships when I was younger. So like when I was 19, and then when I again when I was 21. Um and the one when I was 21, we broke up like five years ago now. So I don't know how long that was, like three or four years. Yeah. Um and I, if I look back on that, I'm like, I was awful in that relationship. I I've grown so much that then I for sure. I feel bad for the guy. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00For for sure, absolutely for sure. I can certainly relate to that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, what's been the hardest part if you had to like pinpoint something emotionally or spiritually? That's the like hardest part of being single.
SPEAKER_00Um, let's see. The hardest part is um I think it's the you know, feeling like um I'm overlooked, right? Like, and um, and not just overlooked by God, but by others, right? Feeling like um honestly, like what I have to say, it doesn't matter, like because there's a there's a part of my life, not a wife, not a mother. So like I can't necessarily speak into that, right?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like simple things, honestly, from like being excluded from like, you know, if I have married couples and they do date night, like I don't go, like it's things like that, right? That I'm just like, man, you know, it's just a part of community, honestly, that like I'm just not a part of. And I love community. I'm a community person, right? And I will say, you know, one thing that's such a blessing, and I know it's a God thing. Um, I have multiple friend circles and I'm enjoying my life. I have amazing relationships, deep relationships with women, women and men. Um, but women who are married and also unmarried. So I definitely do have that connection. But there are times when, you know, my friends are like, oh, date night, we're doing double dates, and I'm just like, oh, I, you know, I can't go. So sometimes, you know, being like overlooked. And um another one of my you know favorite scriptures is Isaiah um 43, um 18 and 19, um, where it talks about, Will will a mother forget her nursing child?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00She may forget, but I will never forget you. I have you imprinted on the palm of my hand. And so when I feel overlooked, right, I'm like, no, Lord, nope, you you're literally like, I am imprinted on the palm of your hand. You cannot forget me. It's absolutely impossible. Um, and so yeah, I think that has been sort of difficult. Um I will say another difficult thing would be um, again, you know, marriage is something that is um it's cherished. Um, and it's something that is um definitely um smiled upon again, like in the faith, um, in our faith tradition. And um not being married, again, it's like, what am I doing wrong? What did you do wrong? Like, do I not have all the favor of God? Do I not have all the blessings? Because like I'm unmarried. And so that has also been difficult too. Like, one will chase a thousand, two will chase 10,000. So I'm like, okay, I want to chase the 10,000. Like, am I not being as effective as I can be? You know what I mean? Just in life and just in ministry, um, because of singleness, right? And so I think those are things that again, I think about, yeah, um, but I have to constantly renew my mind to like, no, it's in the Lord's timing, like it's a timing issue, right? I believe it's God's timing and his timing is best. Is this it does not always feel best, but it's timing his best.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and when when we get there, you're gonna look back and be like, oh yeah, his timing was best.
SPEAKER_00For sure. I think about like, gosh, if I got married 10 years ago, right? Woo. Yeah, for sure. Right, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Hey you guys, it's me again. Don't worry, I'll be right back with our guests. I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you so much for spending time with us today. I hope you're enjoying the episode so far. Let's sit and think about what might have been said that can relate to your life today. And if you're enjoying it, make sure you like, subscribe, follow, comment, all the things you can find us on YouTube for such a time as this with Bethany Garner, or you can find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. All right, let's get back to them. To turn it around on the more positive side, what's something that God has been working on you in this season? That like he's taught you.
SPEAKER_00That's good. Gosh, in this season, oh man, so much because God is good, he's always speaking. Um, man, he just loves us so much. Like he loves us so much. Um, I think in this season, as it relates to um singleness, is to um enjoy life, build life, yeah, right, to really lean into the things that he's provided, right? Like um, marriage is important, it's something I desire, but it's not everything.
SPEAKER_05Right, right.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't mean like life is on hold, right? And so some of the things that um I've God's been speaking to me and I've been been enjoying in this season is really leaning into honestly, like ministry, right? And let me boil that down because that can sound like super spiritual, but giving time to people who need it, loving on people a little bit more, like meeting people and being really intentional, like, hey, I'm gonna pray for you this week. How can I partner in prayer with you? And just being able to do things like that. So just recognizing that, like, you know, God often tells on you, your life isn't on pause. You're still effective in ministry, you're still doing what I've called you to do, like you still have purpose. Yeah. Um, the other thing in this season is um Just really taking care of myself just physically and health-wise. I've had, you know, some health challenges, um, but really leaning into that in this season because I'm like, no, because you know, when it's time, I want to be the best version of myself. I want to fulfill the purpose that God has for my life, and I have to be healthy doing it, right? And so those are other things that God is teaching me, contentment to be to really um uh live in the moment, but also at the same time to still have faith, the faith for more. Right. And so um, yeah, I think that's sort of the the combination. Be content, but also still have faith, faith for more. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Is there times or moments when your identity in Christ has grown in this season? Like what's a moment where your faith you felt like, oh, this is growing my faith right here?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Um so I've been going through um difficult seasons without a partner and how has that grown my faith? Um really relying on the Lord more like for everything. Yeah, I mean, for everything, right? For you know, um, you know, at night, like when I'm like, oh Lord, like I feel alone. Um alone doesn't mean that I'm lonely, right? Because like Lord, you're with me, right? And so um I think that has probably been like one of the biggest things, right? Like, um, God is with me, I'm not forgotten. Like, even in this very difficult season, he's he's here, he's he sees me, he is El Roy, like he's providing for me. And I mean, honestly, I think with a partner, with a a spouse, um, there are probably times where I would lean on the spouse a little bit more than I would lean on the Lord.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like I just know, I just know it. And so it's really teaching me just to lean on the Lord and like ultimately, like, He's my father, He's my provider. Um, so I'm really so grateful for that. I'm so grateful for God's love and for God always showing up, right? Um, I don't have to, you know, perform. Um, I don't have to do something for him to show up, but he's showing up like I am enough. He is there for me, like through the highs and through the very, very lows. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think so, even for me, literally last night, like to relate to um your portion about you might lean on your spouse more than on Christ. Literally last night I was having a moment of like, oh my goodness, Lord, I just want it to happen. Um but then I spent time like talking to him about it, and I spent time like listening to worship music and in my Bible, and I was like, Well, if I had it, this probably wouldn't be how I would be spending my time right now.
SPEAKER_00So true. So truly really so true. That that is that's very true. That is very true, and so um, yes, it's definitely uh, you know, my intimacy with the Lord has grown. And I'm just so grateful for that. Yeah, so grateful for that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What um specific practices or tools have helped you like stay healthy emotionally, spiritually, or like relationally with people?
SPEAKER_00That's great. Um, with people. Um man, lean into community. I'm going to say that not just because I'm the group's pastor, but because that has literally, that has been my life. Like my entire life, I've leaned into community. I've leaned into the uncomfortable parts of community, right? Um, the the disagreements with friends, the oh, we need a break, like really leaning into community and really understanding that iron sharpens iron. Um, relationships are absolutely important. Um, relationships, I feel like they're really a breeding ground, a practice ground for when you get married and have to, you know, run into difficult things. So leaning into community um with people, even when it's difficult, practicing, you know, just um emotional maturity, right? Like if I'm having some disagreements, like, hey, let's talk about it, let's let's work it out, right? Um, that has been really, and you know, practice is community often.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, and even scheduling community. Again, I think that when you're single, like you can just, you know, stay in your house for three days and don't talk to anybody and you don't have to. Yeah. Um, so being very intentional about relationships is really important. Um, just some other practices as it relates to people is, you know, this is what we say, it's true, but treating people how I want to be treated, right? And so um the love that I may have, like, you know, for a spouse, like, oh, I want to dote on them, I want to do things. It's like doing that for others, right? And not letting that be a part of my life that lays dormant because I don't have a spouse. But no, like I do that for others. I think is really important. Um, other practices is I'm constantly um just speaking God's word and what I desire and what I see, right? And so it's like, um, yes, I'm single and I'm not gonna say I hate this season. I'm not gonna say I totally love this season, but I know it's just a season and I desire to be married, right? And so saying that and not sort of just hiding behind the fact that I'm like, oh no, I don't want people to know because then I don't want people to ask me, like, well, why aren't you married? Well, what's the problem? What's wrong with you? But just really leaning into the uncomfortable part of um the feeling of you know, not being married or being single.
SPEAKER_01Do you think you've learned in this season also how to set like boundaries with people so that you can take that into dating as well? Like, for example, for me, um, a boundary that I need to work more on is um I might throw myself into community a little too much if that's possible.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_01Like I don't have time by myself, okay. Rarely. Um, like I'm constantly like going, going, going with my friends all the time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So like sometimes I'm like, I should probably set a boundary so I can like rest.
SPEAKER_00Got it. Okay. So this is gonna sound I let me tell you, by the time in the evening when I go home, when I lay my head on the pillow, I'm out. Like one of my strategies is to wear myself out. Okay. Because I don't want to lay in bed at night wishing and hoping and thinking and finding myself in a position where I'm like, oh, woe is me. Right. And so, like, you know, Paul talked about like those who are single, like, you just have time. You have time to work unto the Lord, like you have time. And so um, I think that if there are boundaries that I'm setting, they may be more of like um um emotional boundaries. Okay. And what I mean by that is like um not getting too wrapped up into what people are going through that then I find myself carrying a burden I shouldn't be carrying. Right. And so I think it's more so like emotional boundaries. And there have absolutely been seasons where um, you know, friends, dear friends, family members are going through really difficult situations. I'm like, I'm there for you, I'm praying for you, um, I'll listen to you, I'll counsel you. And then I have to be really intentional about giving it to the Lord after my encounter with them and leaving it at the Lord's feet and just going on about my my business, right? Because I think for me, that'll that's probably the boundary that I had to practice most. And there have been some relationships, honestly, where I've been like, yeah, I can't do this. Like this emotional roller coaster that's that you're on and that you're trying to take me on, like it's too much. And like I have to do make sure I'm guarding my heart. So that's probably the boundary, um, more the emotional boundary. It makes sense. Yeah, makes sense.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Um, any any tips on like navigating the dating world in these days?
SPEAKER_00Oh my goodness. Someone give me tips. So this is so funny. I was reading this morning um in Genesis how when Abraham um told his servant to go find a son, a wife for Isaac.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it's so funny. I read it this morning and I started laughing. And the servant, you know, went to Abraham's, you know, father's land where his family was to find him, Isaac, a wife. And it's so crazy because Abraham's like, go find a wife. And he's like, Okay, you told me where, but where am I supposed to go? I get to this town now, what? Like I sometimes I feel like that in dating. And they're like, put yourself out there. Where? What do I mean? What there's so many out there. What am I supposed to do? As I'm reading that, I'm thinking about that. And then it said, and I never paid attention to it until today, it said, so he went to the well where the woman would be. And so what that sort of it just clicked for me. And it's like in this dating world, like it's a lot. Am I should I be online? Should I be here? Should I do this? Should I should I just stand in the lobby in the church and just smile and hope someone looks at me? Like, what should I do? And so the servant went to the place where the women were. Right. And so, what does that mean for me and how we navigate the dating world? Like the type of person you're looking for, like go to the place where they will be, right? And I think um sometimes church is not it, right? Like, because there's, you know, so many of us in church, and there's not like sometimes that's like not it. And so I think it's it's being intentional about where you put yourself in the places that you decide to engage in. And so um I find that there are certain things that I enjoy, right? Like I enjoy art, I enjoy um music, I enjoy um museums, I love places like that, right? And so I put myself in those spaces where, hey, I may find someone who's interested in the same, right? And so um, yeah, so I think it's being intentional about dating is like really important and going to places where you're like, hey, this is where the people are, this is where my type of people are, right? And so, yeah. So I think that is probably something that I would give in terms of of insight. And then the thing with dating is dating is an opportunity to get to know yourself and also to get to know others. Like every, you know, the first person may not be the it person, but while you're in that relationship, while you're dating, enjoy life and just remain integrous and remain who you are, right? Um, and get to know yourself and have fun and get to know other people and get to know how you relate in a relationship is also important. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So you can give me some insight on this because for me, I'm I fully see that there's a lot of us and not a lot of men in the church. Uh-huh. But I also am like, well, I want someone that is like a a good like Christian leader. Uh-huh. So if I like go out into the spaces that aren't necessarily like labeled like Christian spaces, yeah. I'm like, am I gonna be wasting my time? Cause there's yeah, guys there that aren't good Christian leaders.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's great. So I'm I'm gonna get I'm gonna get Bible and spiritualness for a moment. So the other thing I noticed as I was reading this morning the passage of when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. Um, the first thing the servant did was he prayed and then he went into the space.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And that convicted me because there are times where I go, I've gone into the space and I literally haven't prayed before. Right. And so he basically prayed and was like, Lord, like open my eyes, right? And so we can go, there are Christians everywhere, they're just not in the church, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so it's like I can go in a certain space and like before I'm like, Lord, guide me, yeah, and direct me.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then I go into the space and I'm like, no, the Lord got like he'll do it, right? Like, he'll bring the person along. It doesn't necessarily, you know what I mean, like have to be in church because thank God they're everywhere and they're just not in in church.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's yeah. Have you um what's your opinion on online dating?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think online dating is great. I, you know, I think it's great. It has worked for so many people. I was talking to um a woman um in my small group actually last night, and um, she talked about how she met this incredible guy online. I've had friends who have gotten married. Um, it just has not worked for me. Okay. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I think it is a source, right? I think there are many places you can put yourself out in. Online is one, yeah, right. Um, networking um is another, right? Like I had to tell, you know, married couples that are in my space, like, hey, I do want to be married. And it's so interesting because they're like, oh, really? Yeah, you didn't know that. You know what I mean? So yes, keep your eyes open. So I think online it, I think it is, it is a source, it is a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I've been some um of my mentors have like recommended going to like married friends and being like, Yeah, yes, works of magic for me. Yes, um, yes, but I'm like trying to figure out how to do it without seeming like desperate. I'm like, I don't want to go. I know they're my friends, but like I don't want to go up to them and be like, guys, please find me a man.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, you know, so it's like um we're not desperate, but it is a desire.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know what I mean? Like if you, you know, if you're trying to buy a home, you know, we go up to realtor to friends and we're like, hey, who's your realtor? That's true. You're trying to get a your carving, hey, who's your mechanic? That's true. Do you know a really good restaurant? I need a recommendation, I need a referral. You know what I mean? And so again, it's like, no, this is this is what I'm looking for. Like, you've gotta have some people. What I found is that I used to, this is funny, I used to hold it against like my married friends, like it was their fault. Like, you know, I'm single. What are you doing? And right they're like, I didn't even think about it. No, because they're running their own life. And so I like every you know, maybe year or so, I go back to certain married friends and I'm like, hey, is there anybody? And they'll be like, uh, wait, you know what? I think there may be. And I'm like, now why did I have to ask you for that to even we're not top of their mind, we're just so yeah. So I think it's like um, I think the feeling desperate or I don't know, I think young people say feeling thirsty, I think it's a it's just something that sort of we have to come to peace in terms with. Right. And it's like that's fair. No, like I'm not I desire, it's a desire, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, that's fair. What um what encouragement would you offer to someone that's in the same like season that you're in right now?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, encouragement.
SPEAKER_01Um We've already done a bunch of it, but yeah, you have the one piece.
SPEAKER_00Um, encouragement would be um, you know, it's not cliche, it's really true. And it's like in God's timing, at the appointed time, he will make it happen. He will make it happen at the appointed time. And I think it's really keeping that top of mind because the season can be tough. Yeah, right. Reminding yourself as your friends are getting getting married, um, that God has not overlooked me. He sees me like El Roy, like he he sees me, right? Like I'm not forgotten. Right. Um, I think we have to constantly and we have to actively just renew our mind to the fact, like actively, and we have to do it constantly. Um, is just really important because honestly, it it can get discouraging. It can get discouraging. Um, and just knowing that your your emotions will fluctuate. I mean, you know, I'm not sure when this will air, but like Valentine's Day is tomorrow, you know? And um I had text a group of friends at um at my church. We're currently in a relationship series, and I hate to admit this, but I'm gonna admit this. I'm gonna it's it's go, it's on camera. But in years past, like probably prior to me coming on staff, during the relationship series, like I would not come to church.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00Because I did not want to hear anything about it. Like, I was just so heartbroken, and I was like, I just can't, I just can't do it. And I had some shame around it, and I was like embarrassed, and like, and so I had text a group of friends and I said, Hey, I said, during this relationship series, like let's lean in. And like God sees us and He heals our heart, and there's so much hope for us, right? And so just really constantly just encouraging yourself, right? And yeah, so that's the that's some encouragement I would give. And then I'm a huge proponent and have fun, enjoy your life. We're not waiting, you know what I mean? Like, do the things there are things that I used to say, oh, I'll wait until I'm married.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_00My wait until I'm married list, like, oh, buy a house. Oh, I want to buy a house with my husband, oh, I want to visit this country, oh, I'll wait until I get married, I'm saving that for my husband. And it's like, no, I'm just living life, you know, I'm buying my house, I'm going on my vacations, and um just enjoying the season. Yes. That's good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Last question for you.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01If you could speak to your younger self, what would you tell her when she's and you pick an age and she's like frustrated already with the singleness? What do you go back and tell her?
SPEAKER_00That is such a good question. Um probably like hanging there, sweetie. It gets better. It absolutely gets better. This is just a moment in time. You have a lot of life to live. It gets better. Like, even in the waiting, it gets better. You know, like um yeah, you know, lean into the Lord, lean into community. Um, don't talk about it.
SPEAKER_01Thank you guys so much for spending time with us today. I really loved having you here. If you liked this episode, make sure you share it with someone you know. I'd also love if you guys would comment any questions you might have that we can answer on future episodes. Remember that each one of you was born for such a time as this. Until next time. Bye.
