Single & Set Apart: You Know What God Said, But You’re Not There Yet

In this episode of For Such a Time As This, I sit down with one of my closest friends, a single mom in her 30s, to talk about singleness, healing, and learning to trust God in every season of life.

This conversation is honest, grounding, and full of wisdom from someone who has walked through heartbreak, growth, and rebuilding.

One of the most powerful reminders from this episode is the importance of staying faithful in the last thing God told you to do, even when you’re waiting for what’s next.

In this episode, we also talk about:
• Learning to love yourself well in singleness
• Why healing is essential before entering a relationship
• The idea that “two halves make a mess — two wholes build something healthy”
• Choosing to wait for marriage intentionally rather than rushing
• Finding joy, fun, and connection while still honoring your season

This episode is a reminder that singleness is not a delay ; it’s a space for becoming whole, healed, and rooted in God.

Season 2, Single & Set Apart, is all about calling, timing, and trusting God in every season of life.

🎧 Listen now and join the conversation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome back to another episode of Times This is a podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season that you're actually in, not just the one you hope to be in. My name's Bethany and I'm your host. This season is our second season. It's called Single and Set Apart. So I'm talking to um Christian singles or people that were single kind of later in life but aren't single anymore. Um and I'm super excited for what you guys might learn in this season. Um so let's just sit back, relax, and see what God might have for you in this episode. Hi guys, this is my good friend Katora. Super excited to have her on today. You guys are gonna love this episode. I just already know. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being a part. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. Cool to use your platform. Of course. It's gonna be really good. It better be. All right, let's start at the beginning. What's just tell us about like your singleness journey? What does it look like?

SPEAKER_01 1:02

My singleness journey is probably just as exhausting as everybody else's, but um, I told God I only want to do it once. Um, and singleness gives you a luxury that you don't have when you're in a relationship. Um the luxury to be able to care for yourself in a different way, right? Um the luxury to not have to check in with people. Yeah, come and go as you please. Um you have more than enough time to spend with God, and uh it's an opportunity for God to grow you in maturity. Yeah, you know, emotional immaturity is not gonna catch it.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

So I'm optimistic. Okay, that's good. So how did um like parenthood become a part of your story?

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Uh I was young. Yeah. Mature. Um it wasn't a part of the plan, but here we are now, you know. We can't cry over spilled milk, you know. Um, not to say my kid is spilled milk. Not like oh you know, what you're not mean. But you know, the relationship between me and her father, it didn't work out, and now I got, you know, my homegirl with me, and we're figuring it out together.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Oh, and I love that. But how how does parenthood like affect your singleness? Um say more words. Say more words.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Yeah, Cass.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Um so for example, when you're like thinking about dating, I'm sure your daughter like has a factor in like who you date, what you're looking for.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Um, it's my number one priority. Um, but also for me, like it's two different parts to this, right? There's me meeting somebody and getting to know somebody, and we may be dating in that uh lane, but once it becomes more serious, now we're having a different conversation. But also there are like certain qualities that I'm looking for in this person. Like um organization and planning is a requirement for me as a mother. Like I I have so many things to do. Um, I'm not just a mom, I'm a a realtor, I'm a Hey, you know, you're a woman. Business, um I'm doing so many things, and so because I'm wearing so many hats, um making sure that communication is like number one priority. So making sure we're all on the same page. But we scope out all those qualities before we even get to the point where it's like, how does this person fit into the life that I've already created with?

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Do you have like a certain time frame you give it before you even like introduce them to her?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

No, I'm not like I'm not introducing nobody to my kid after like two days. Oh yeah. But no, I don't have a set time frame. I for me is um I hate to say vibes, but No, that's really I I need to feel this out and I need to be able to trust this person and know that this person is um here for the long haul before I bring them into my child's life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For any reason. Of course, we never know what's gonna happen, but if for any reason the relationship falls apart, um, my child's just as heartbroken as I am. Exactly, right? Yeah. And so to avoid that, you know, also that man needs to know like if we're gonna be a thing and I'm gonna introduce you to my child, I need you to understand how big of a step that is for me and um how much trust I'm I'm entrusting you with. Um if that person is anything like me, like if you entrust me with something, I'm gonna be like, I love Bethany so much that I'm gonna make sure I don't drop this.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

So yeah, exactly. Do you have a certain time frame where you tell somebody that you are a mom? Like when you're like Day one. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Yeah, I'm not that's day one. I'm not holding that back. Like um everybody has preferences. And if dating someone with children is not your preference, let's not waste each other's time. Right, very much. You know? Um, yes, I'm a mom straight out the gate. That's good. Because you might as well. Yeah, I mean, what am I hiding it for? Right. Eventually you'll find better now later.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Hey, listen, I have a kid at home, so what do you think is like the most tension-filled part of being single? Or the hardest part.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Um, I am annoyed with all of the things that I do not like to do. Um, for example, taking my car to the dealership stresses me. Um, the man things. The man the man things, trust me. I can do complicated things, I can do complex things. Getting the trash out on time vexes me. So um I do I do get irritated and I'm like, okay, God, any day now, I've missed trash day for the past three weeks. Okay, God, here I am at the dealership trying to figure out what's wrong with this car. This is not my wheelhouse. Please then help. Yeah. Um, or even like when there are things around the house that I want to get done that I don't physically have the capability to do. Uh, I think those are the moments when I become most agitated with being single. And that feels very like um not deep. It's not deep at all for me. Yeah. Yeah. Like the relationship part and the companionship part, yeah. Oh, that's cool. And I do want that. And I could wait on. I really need somebody to take the trash out. Please, Lord. In your spare time, if you find time, make sure he loves to take the trash out. Oh, like if I can just find somebody to do the things I'm not good at, we can be great.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Yeah, yeah. I love that though. Do you feel pressure? I'm do you feel pressure from yourself or from like outside sources, like family, friends, the church to like be married?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

I think I did when I was younger. I think some of that stemmed from me holding shame and doubt and things of that nature, insecurity. Um, and now at this age, no. I feel pretty confident in who God called me to be. Um, and I know that um God promised me that I'll be a wife, right? And he hasn't lied to me yet. Right. And so if he hasn't given to me, time is not right. And so we'd rather sooner than later. But like I said, I only want to do this once. So it takes a little bit longer.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Mm-hmm. That's fair. Do you have pressure from like outside sources, or it's really just it was what you put on yourself and now it's good?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah, I mean, I guess age is a pressure. Like you look around and like in my late twenties and like all my friends are getting married, and now most of them are divorced. Yeah, exactly. Exactly what happened. So, like, maybe in that season of life, like that was like the external pressure on like comparison, but in this season of life, I feel pretty confident in who I am, and so I don't really um feel those outside pressures the same way, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Do you um how do you balance like the internal conflict between like being content and where God has you right now and like longing for more?

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Um that's a good one. Um every time God has ever given me what I prayed for, it was in the moments where I was content and doing the last thing he told me to do. Um and what also comes with that is making sure you had that right heart posture while you're doing it, right? For example, David was anointed king, Samuel anointed him king, he left him. Mm-hmm. And then, like, there's no time frame as how long between then and the next chapter where we see that David is now being summoned to the palace to serve Saul, who is the sitting king, and like what happens when you're standing in a place where you know God's called you to be, and you're serving the people in the seat where you know God called you to sit. Um, but in order to do that, you gotta have the right heart posture. And so even though you may be serving people who have what you want, it's all in preparation. Like, we know how the story ends, so I don't think we haven't really talked about that part. Yeah. Or that internal conflict. There had to be an internal conflict. Like, I have internal conflict when God puts me in those situations, right? Um that's so true. And you don't think about you don't think about it. Because we know how the story ends. Like, we know David becomes that king. We know, like, we we just gloss over it, but like he literally was anointed to be king, sent back to tend to change. Sorry, go back to your drum. Yeah, get on back up there, you know? But we know he fought lions and tigers and bears and all the things, right? And then we see him serving Saul in a palace and like, hold up, stop. I'm king. God anointed me to be king, right? And now I'm in the palace, serving Saul?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Yeah. You know? So that's so good.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Thanks. Yeah, I like that. What do you so what's something on the more positive note? What's something that like God has taught you in this season? Oh.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Um, I feel like everything is preparation. Like the Bible says all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, right? And so I remember like when I was younger, I would always be like, God, I don't want to make the wrong mistake, or I don't want to write, I don't want to make the wrong decision, or um, help me make this decision because I don't want to part of it that I don't want to waste time, but then also I'm still like that. You know? Yeah. But also, every single mistake I ever made, God used it. Even in this season of my life, like the one thing that I fought God with all my life is the one thing God has me um after everything I learned, right? That's the one thing that God is using for me to help other people. Um, and so despite all the mistakes previously made, he still worked everything together.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

So wasting time is not really a thing. That's really good. I needed that for myself. Because I, yeah, recently I've been like, okay, God, I don't want to make the wrong decision. I want to be in your will. Yeah, tell me what it is so I can do it.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Yes, yes. That's exactly how I felt. Like, I'm committed, I'm in it, I'm in it. Right, I'm in it. And it's like, okay, God, help me make this decision because I don't want to make the wrong one. Yeah, God knows every decision you're gonna make before you make it, he knows every mistake you're gonna make before you make it. And he's already figured out how he's gonna work that together for you to be able to do everything that he called you to do. Um, and it's just that simple. So, girl, make a decision.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Don't do anything illegal.

unknown 12:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Full disclaimer, not illegal, but like, but just make a decision. Yeah, yeah. God loves you, and when it's real wrong, you'll know. That's true. Yeah. What are is there any beliefs that you had to unlearn about yourself in this season?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Maybe not in this season, but um just being in a healthier place, I had to deal with the doubt, the insecurity, the shame, like, you know, of everything, right? Yeah. And that makes it hard to be in relationship with God. It makes it hard to be in relationship with other people. Um, and yeah, dealing with that is is number one. Um the Bible says that we should love our neighbors like we love ourselves, right? What happens when you don't know how to love yourself? Right. So learning how to love yourself is step one. Like, how do you take the time to love on you? You do that in singleness. Go love on you, go take yourself on dates, go treat yourself really well. That man is only gonna treat you as well as you treat yourself. Yeah. Oh. Yes. Take yourself to the spa child. Take yourself to dinner, figure out all the things that you like. Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Hey you guys, it's me again. Don't worry, I'll be right back with our guests. I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you so much for spending time with us today. I hope you're enjoying the episode so far. Let's sit and think about what might have been said that can relate to your life today. And if you're enjoying it, make sure you like, subscribe, follow, comment, all the things you can find us on YouTube for such a time as this with Bethany Garner, or you can find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Alright, let's get back to them. How are you navigating dating in this day and age? Passively.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Don't get me wrong. Um if someone approaches me, I'm open. Uh-huh. Um, but am I actively like out looking for people to date? No, I'm not. I'm exhausted. Yeah. Um, but if somebody approaches me, yes, I will entertain it.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Um Yeah, I think have you like tried the dating apps and all the things? I hate dating apps. I feel you. They feel like they feel so in person.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Yeah, they just I like this hard. Yeah. Because I can um I can feel the other person. I can sense the body language. We can have your conversation. I can but on a dating app, it's yeah, it's very rare to find something. Yeah, it's like rehearsal. Yeah. It feels so serious. Like, when did dating become so serious? Like, I want to have a good time. Like, I want somebody that I can laugh with. I wanna like let's go do fun stuff. I don't on a date nap, they're like just drilling, like when's the last time you've been to church this year? Give me the count. And it's like, hi, nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Fair. I like pizza. Do you like pizza? Yeah, that's fair. I think people just also don't want to waste their time. I understand. I get it. Because I'm a little more on like the drilling side. Like when I've been on dating apps, I would be like, okay, but tell me about your relationship with Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

So you're one of them.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

But like, yeah. I like the ditch but close in there.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Yeah. Message two Do you love the Lord? Right. Yes or no. Because I don't want I don't want to be wasting my time. I understand. I understand. But then also, like, I want it to be fun. Like, yeah. I can't get to know you until we interact. And like, and if we're just going based off the way I answer questions, like we'll never get to really know each other. Like, just like when you make a new friend, y'all go and hang out and do fun stuff and you laugh and you giggle and you, you know, and yeah, eventually we get into deeper conversations, right? But off the break, do you like pizza? I like pizza. Let's go have pizza. Like, okay. Yeah. And I mean, like, do you want to be in a relationship with somebody you can't laugh with?

SPEAKER_00 16:40

I feel like that's number one. Can I have I've always said, like, I yes, I do want to have a good time with someone. I do, but like, for some for me, that's not like what I am like that's not the most important thing. What's the most important thing? I don't that they love Jesus and they can lead me in that direction. Yes, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

But they can love Jesus and you guys can get right. And you guys can like have a good time and they can really be your friend.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

That's fair. I just I guess in my head I'm like, I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

A man that you can't have a good time with.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

No. I'm just asking. No, but that's like honestly, like never been something like on my list of things. Honestly. Like I it seems amazing, but I'm like, in my head, I'm like, well, I can't have too many like boxes that I need them to check. So that's true.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I mean, love Jesus is really really high on the list. Yeah. But life is gonna life. Yeah. And if we can't laugh through when life life, what are we doing? A funny man will get you really far. It will. That's fair. Um, yeah, we can't control what happens. But if if we can laugh about it, we could probably make it. Okay, girl. Okay. Cause I'm goofy. I'm gonna laugh at all the in the most serious moment. I'm gonna crack a joke. We're all gonna laugh about it, you know? Yeah. And somehow we're all gonna feel just a little bit better about the terrible situation, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yeah. I also just, I mean, I don't know. I laugh at everything, so I'm like, everybody will be funny to me in some way. Shiver form.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

So I'm not sure. Have you ever met somebody who thought they're funny? And you're like, no, we don't have to say the same humor.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

That's the funny thing. That's true. You're right, you're right. That does happen. Yeah. Because I can't do like the dark humor. I'm like, no, like, oh, not funny. You're not funny. I don't like that. Please stop. I also though grew up with like my brothers are the funniest people I've ever met in my life. So I think I grew up saying, like, nobody can compete with that. So I don't even try. I guess.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Yeah. I mean, my siblings are pretty funny too. Like I think they're I think they're pretty funny, right? And um not even compete. If you're gonna come in and sit at the table with these people, you gotta be able to.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

That's true. You have to be able to like take a joke. You're gonna have to be able to banter, like you said, like and not not take it too seriously. All right, noted. Yeah. Gotta be a little bit funny.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Okay. A little bit. What about all those people out there that aren't funny?

SPEAKER_01 19:16

How are they gonna find people? They probably have like a dry sense of humor, and they're gonna find somebody else who has a dry sense of humor, and they're gonna think they're funny. Okay, okay, good. I'm glad. Not to advocate by other people.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I'm such an empath. I'm like, everybody has to find somebody though. All right, what do you think when we think about the church, not like our church, but the American church. What do you think the church could do better for singles? Mmm.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

That's a good one. Um oh my gosh, there's so many things. You can less more than one. You don't have to less just one. I'm just thinking like some of it is the pressure, right? The pressure to hurry up and get married or whatever your case may be. Um, take the pressure off, guys. Like, um, number one, it's 2026. Um, and it's not my timing. It's God's timing. Like, no matter how much I say I want it, no matter how many singles events I go to, no matter how many blind dates, right? It's gonna happen when God says it's time for it to happen. Whether that means, and then if I'm trusting God, I'm believing that in the interim, God's working on me, God's working on him, God's, you know, preparing me to be able to do this and do it well, right? Um, I was getting ready to say, God's never put me in a situation I wasn't qualified for. That's not true. Uh that is not true. I mean, he has put me in situations that I felt like I was unqualified for, but there's never been a situation that I felt like I was unqualified for that he didn't come up and make the difference, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

So um there are some things like we've all been through, been through things, places, circumstances, and situations, and we need to grow. We need to mature, we need to unlearn some of those um behaviors that we learned. We need to to to learn new behaviors to be able to have a a healthy relationship. Like I always say, my job as a parent is to teach my child what a happy, healthy, whole relationship looks like, even if that means me being happy, healthy, and whole by myself. Oh, yeah. And um, so if that's who I'm gonna be, I'm looking for God to bring me somebody else who's whole because two heads don't make a hole. Two halves make a mess. Two holes can make a hole, right? And so that needs to be the teaching. Stop teaching, hurry up and go get married. We need to be having classes for young men. We need to be promoting that we go to therapy and talk to some people because we wouldn't vibes, right? And we may not have been the ones who Spilled the milk or messed it up, but we are the ones who have to live this life. And so it's our job and our obligation to clean it up. And so we need to be promoting a a more mentally stable generation so that they can get married quicker. Like because I feel like they want to push us in this marriage, but like are we not ready?

SPEAKER_00 22:19

No. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I think so. Anything else? You were like, oh, there's so many.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Um I I do I do like the idea of having more events specifically for singles. Uh because like just like you said, like do you love Jesus? Right. Like half of that is taken care of when we're like Yes, when we're at a church event. You know what I'm saying? Like we love Jesus enough to get here. Like yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

I mean, true. Yeah. So yeah, but I don't I don't know how to even encourage the church to do that, except like they also like need to get the men there. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like churches try to do singles events and then it's like a bunch of women's night. Ladies 19 That's true.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Uh where do you find the men? The men have to go get the men. Yes. I tell my dad that. Like your generation has to go back and pick up the men that you guys dropped. Go find them. Go find them, pick them up, and carry them back into 2026. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. The grown men have to go find the almost grown men and help them to mature. Mm-hmm. Um. Yeah, that's true. Because I think the women do a good job of that already. And then I feel like the women come looking for it. Yeah. Also. Um that's true too. Yeah. They gotta go back and pick them up and be like, hey, that's not it. And men listen to men. Right. We can scream it from the mountaintops. Let them hang say it. Right. Go. Immediately. Yes. Yes. So they gotta go back and and pick them up and and say, come on, like let me show you something.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Mm-hmm. Is there a specific scripture that um you feel like has helped you through like your singleness season?

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Guard your heart. Okay. Above all else, guard your heart.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Um why has that one been important for you?

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Because um sometimes as women we get a little delusional, right? And you meet this man and he's great, and you kind of fabricate in your mind this whole story about who he is, and um that's always dangerous. So they're strangers. Treat the man like a stranger. Hear me out before they eat me up in the comments, right? Before you eat me up in the comments and cancel me. What I'm saying is when you meet a stranger, you can um have conversation with them, you can be nice to them, you can be kind to them, you could be gentle to them, you can give things to them, and but you give it from a place with no expectation, right? Yeah, this is just somebody I met. I met Bethany at the store, and she's looking for the the stream beans, and I pointed her in the right direction, and we laughed about it, and we had a great interaction, right? Um you can meet a stranger and go bowling with them, and it'd be there's no expectation there, right? Um, and then you open yourself up to be able to actually enjoy the time that you're spending with this person and actually get to know them without these preconceived notions that we put on ourselves, right? And then the relationship lasts two weeks, and now you're you're heartbroken.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Because you put so much into it.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Because you fell in love with a man that didn't even exist. So, above all else, guard your heart. Just like with a stranger, you're not gonna pull out your wallet and your pocketbook. Treat your heart like you treat your wallet in your pocketbook, put it away. Hide it. How do you do that though? Remind yourself that that made it a stranger.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Y'all I text Kitora and I'm like, can you please remind me? That means it's stranger.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

We don't know him, okay? And not to say you can't get to know him. I want you to get to know him. Yeah, but don't fall in love before you actually get to know the person. And then when they show up and show their true colors, you're like, oh, this was just a blip. This was just a one-time thing. He's not a liar. He lied one time. No, girl. He's been a liar. He's been a liar. You lied to yourself, you're right. And so when they show you who they are, believe them the first time. About to believe them the first time. It's okay. Everybody's not all the way healed, everybody's not all the way there. It doesn't mean they can't get there, but um just the same way I don't believe that God will put me in the path of, you know, Hurricane Michael, right? I can't be Hurricane Kutor. Like, uh God still gotta do work on me too. Like, right. He's not gonna put his son in the path of me. Oh, that's true. Yeah, like why would he do that?

SPEAKER_00 27:09

So we all don't work. Yeah. That's true. Um, last like real question for you. What's one piece of encouragement you'd give someone that's in like the same season you're in right now?

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Girl, stay focused. Go back to doing the last thing that God told you to do. Enjoy the luxuries of singleness and be open to meeting the people. That's good. I feel like that's good.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

It is. I feel like that's good. I love it. Alright, anything else on your heart to share before we wrap up our episode? No. Okay. Thank you for the appetite. Oh my goodness, thank you for coming on. I loved having you, and you're you're awesome. Thank you. All right, bye guys. Thank you guys so much for spending time with us today. I really loved having you here. If you liked this episode, make sure you share it with someone you know. I'd also love if you guys would comment any questions you might have that we can answer on future episodes. Remember that each one of you was born for such a time as this. Until next time. Bye.