It Aint Perfect, BUT its Worth It

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Transcript

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Rise and shine people. Okay, this is your host AANA hosting my new podcast, Siddy Nerd, episode one. It ain't perfect, but it's worth it. It is 6:30 in the morning, and this is how we starting off raw uncut. I'm new at this, I'm learning. Listen, it's gonna get better with time. I just gotta do it now. Y'all, I've been, I've been pushed to do this. It's something in me, something. It is. The spark in me is, is kicking it because it is what's needed. You know what I'm saying? And it's definitely needed for myself because self-doubt is a bitch. But that is such a true statement to me. But welcome. Okay. Welcome to Sid there. I'm excited about this. I really am excited about getting it off the ground because at this point I can't, I can't be afraid to do things. And this, this is how we starting off, I'm jumping right into it. I have no niche. I have no this, this. Podcast. I'm gonna tell you something before we, before, just, just introduction type. You know where it is. It is what it is. It's off the nogging, off the top. Whatever it is. Take, take, take what you take from it and use it. Use it. Take what you take and use it. I am figuring myself out at 32 years of life. I am coming to the conclusion that, um, I gotta flow. I really just gotta flow and I'm at a point now where I'm calm. It's steady waters that I'm seeing. I'm, I'm just, I'm allowing myself to float. And it was scary at first because that caused so much anxiety, because I didn't know what was coming next or when opportunities would come up. I'm backing out because I'm afraid I had to stop being afraid. Hence the title. It ain't perfect, but it's worth it. It is. That goes with this episode, and that also goes with what's going on in my life right now. I can't strive for perfection. I have to, I have to try. I have to just do it. And that's what I'm doing here. Like my homegirl, shout out to her. I love her so much. We both are all my, all my, all my peoples are definitely in this stage of healing and just really focusing on self. And a lot of times I did not know how to do that. I didn't know who I was you know, these past couple years, I didn't know who I was. I was very lost mentally. I stayed in my head. A lot of life events happened, of course, and I did not know how to navigate. So control kicked in big time. And it was horrible. It was definitely horrible for me because it, uh, it kept me in a head space of constant worrying and constant anxiety, constant, just a consistency of things that I actually did not want. Things that I was trying to, to, like, move away from. But a lot of that stuff showed up because I wasn't in that space to clear it out and release it. But these past few months I've been releasing. I've been crying. Cry. Cry baby. Okay. Like literally. But that shit had to come out. You know, I, I had to purge all of that. It, it really had to be a cleanse. I had to become new, renew myself again, like, get back to home, get back to the heart, get back to myself, because I'm sitting up here trying to do this and do that, and be here and be there and expect all these things from people. When baby I wanted, I wasn't even showing up for myself. I wasn't showing up for myself. That was, it was a hot mess. It was a hot mess. But I'm looking at my notebook'cause I wrote down a few things. Again, this is not, ain't no script, this is just me, me versus me on a mic and a laptop. That's sick. That's, that's where I'm at right now. My team is coming, but right now this is, this is what I'm being pushed out to do. But she sent me a video and the first three words that you seen was basically, you know, whatever resonated with you, resonated with you. I looked at it and the first three words I seen in this exact order was focus, flow, and trust. And that was just peer confirmation for me because this time last year, focusing, flowing, and trusting was not even on my board. I wasn't focused on myself. I wasn't flowing in what I needed to flow in, and I was, I didn't trust myself. I didn't even love myself, and I'm gonna just keep it real. I could have told myself every day last year, oh girl, I love you. I love you, baby. I didn't believe it. Believing is what really kicks it in the overdrive, believing that I, who I am, who I say I am. That's what's really going, that's what's really gonna stick. And I had to, I had to ReLove myself. I had to learn myself again. And it's, we do lose ourselves at times, but you know, just, whew, letting stuff go. I had to let a lot go. I had a lot of baggage like physically. I had, I was carrying weight that when I'm looking back at pictures now, I'm just like, damn. You know? And when you, in that moment, when you actually going through it, sometimes you can't see it. And a lot of times I could not see it. But baby, let's speed up the present day. I done lost a little over 30 pounds because I, I. Had to choose to change. I had to choose to want better. And once I started dropping, all of that opportunities started coming for me. Better job opportunities. My relationships with people got better because I had to get better within myself. Once I stopped expecting these things from other people and started just looking at me. Life really did get easier. Granted, life is gone. Life we're here. But having, learning emotional control, still working on that. But learning emotional control is so important for me because the way my mental was set up, baby, if something, if I, my head space, oh baby, that was all she wrote. I'm, I'm in there for a good minute, going back and forth in there, but. I had to learn to stop taking everything so personal and understand that people go through their own battles and not saying that, oh, I'm just ignoring things with people. I'm, it's not that it is just, I had to truly regain the focus on myself basically, in a nutshell. Like, just get, again, get back to me, get back to home. Like home is where the heart is. I am my own individual. I'm my own person. I, I like things, I want to do things, and it's just, I had to understand that like I really had to understand and I had to trust myself and stop being afraid of stepping into who I am because I had such a tight grip on things that I should have just let go and flow. But it just brings me back to now. I'm focused, I'm flowing and I'm trusting, and it's, and I, I gotta go with it. I can't try to control that situation, be the only thing I can control is like what I personally am doing, who I am around. I can control that, what I eat, I can control how I do things. I can control, but everything else outside of myself, I got to allow it to flow, you know? And a lot of things that I didn't want. Was coming too, because I wasn't in the head space to receive basically blessings. So once I started just shedding, I literally, I'm in a season of shedding, letting a lot of things go and just letting it flow naturally. And that's allowing me to really step into who I am as, as Aana, because I'm like, damn, girl, you, you doing it? Like you doing it and it's okay. Like it's scary. Yes, it is. It's scary as hell stepping out here doing things you've never done going places, you've never been, but it's like, I, I know what I want, but I, I gotta take these steps to get there. I gotta, you know, understand I gotta experience it to get there. And that don't necessarily mean it's gonna be. A horrible, rocky experience. You know, again, life is going life. I can't control what happens outside of that, but my reactions, my emotions, my, how, you know, how I view things, how I look at things, the, the mindset, like it's just all about surrounding myself with things that I want to, even if I come across something that's, that's not so sweet, it's like, okay, I'm, it's. It's just life. It's just, you know, we get crumbs at time, but it's okay'cause it's temporary. A lot of situations are temporary and I just gotta learn how to maneuver up out of them. And that's, that's where I'm at. Being intentional about what I wanna do, maneuvering, flowing, focusing and just trusting. And I had to. Circle that just back around to myself, literally like loving myself, trusting myself, and knowing who I am. So I don't have to look for that in anybody else. I can look in the mirror and see that. I can look, I can look at people who I'm hanging around and see that, because I'm, I'm, that's what I'm giving off. It's the, it's my reflection. It's my reflection. Oh, okay. My bad, my bad. My computer screen went out. Like I said, it ain't perfect, but it's worth it. Okay. Just, just stay with me. This, this is raw, this is real. This is me again. It's early in the morning and this is what we got. So thank you for tuning in to Siddy Nerd. I'm excited about this and I know it's, we, I'm here like I'm here. I'm, I'm showing up for me. If I ain't showing up for, no, I'm showing up for me. But y'all be easy out here and just, just, just go with the flow. Let go of control. Don't squeeze too tight. When you squeeze too tight stuff, stuff. Get rocky, please. Just let it go. Let it flow and just learn to trust yourself. I truly, and love yourself. Just, just love it. Just love the experiences of life. That's all. Tune in at 8:00 PM. Central Standard Time. Stick with me. Fuck with me. First episode, a Sid nerd. It ain't perfect, but it's worth it. Y'all tune in. Thank you.