Rescue Myself

TikTok- itsjuslucyyyy:

https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjuslucyyyy?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Transcript

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Hello. Good evening. Okay. Or should I say goodnight because it is 8:09 PM But hey y'all, welcome back to Siddy Nerd. It is your host Yawn, and we made it to the second episode like, I'm here. Okay, we made it and we gonna talk about rescuing. Just, you know, this week I had to rescue myself. I had to get myself together. You know, I had to get some stuff, get some stuff together. But before we get into that, I hope everybody had a great week, work week, whatever. Whatever you do, you know, it's Friday. Find a way to unwind. Just chill, relax. You know, take the edge off, take the load off.'cause we done made it. Okay. When I was a little girl, my, one of my favorite movies was Cinderella. I mean, damn that too. But it was Cheetah Girls. Okay? It was Cheetah Girls. But the song Cinderella, listening to the lyrics, if y'all go listen to it now, Paul's whatever. Listen to Cinderella now. Put the lyrics on if you have to. That song makes so much sense now as an adult. Okay? Because. When I look at it, they was saying they didn't want nobody coming to re, they was trying to rescue themselves. They didn't want nobody else to rescue them. And that stuck with me. Like I was just listening to it before I started recording and I'm like, damn. Like they, they, they wanna rescue themselves. But I took that as, um. I took it and intertwined it to what I was going through yesterday. It was, it was a little rough, I'm not gonna lie. It was very emotional for me yesterday because I am still letting go a lot of the old versions of myself and really stepping into just stepping into this new type of version of me. And it's very uncomfortable. It is. It's uncomfortable as hell because I'm not in control in a sense, like I'm flowing. And it is very awkward. My bad, y'all had to put my lip gloss on. You know, I gotta do that. And it is, it's uncomfortable, it feels awkward. Like I, I wanna control it, but at the same time, I'm not in any harm either. It's just I ain't used to it. So, of course, you know, when you not used to something, you gonna wanna fight it. And that's kind of what I was, I think I was doing. Probably avoiding stuff and doing all this, just everything else. But baby, last night I had to go deep. I had to get to crying. I had to get some stuff up out. Okay. I had to get some stuff up out and he crying like a baby booger, snot and tears. Okay. Like, not for real boogers and snot, but the tears was there. You know, like the, all of that. All of that. But it was, it was needed though. Because I really feel like I had to dig deep within myself. Like I really had to go within. And of course, hey, if that, if that don't sound too s to you, it's okay. Because at some point, if I would've heard this too, I would've been like, whatever. But no, it's real when you really, when you really trying to better yourself and change yourself, like your world really can feel like it's been flipped upside down. And baby, I felt like I was in the fucking upside down. Okay. It, it won't, nothing crazy going on, but my emotions and everything have having to switch gears and line up, line up my emotions with what I really wanna see. Like that's a lot. That's a lot. Okay. But, you know, I've, I felt in that moment, like after every, I sat in silence, I just, I kind of sat there, just sat in silence, no nothing, and really released everything. And when I woke up today. I literally felt like a different person. Like no joke. I really felt rewired, like I had to re all of that, that was holding me down, like, and that's why I really feel like that song, Cinderella, it really hit me today. Like, damn, like, no, no, no one else. I rather rescue myself. Like I might gotta watch she the girls tonight because. Dad was really spinning it and I was a child, but it hit so differently as an adult. I mean, it was, it's so empowering. It's so liberating. That's liberating. And that's where I feel like I'm at now. I'm just, I'm in this stage of feeling a little liberate. What liberated? Like just kind of. Mm. You know, like, I'm waking up baby. The, the lion is, look, she getting up. She pering baby. She okay. She want out. She trying to get out and you know what? I'm gonna let her out. And not even in no crazy way, but it's just, I'm stepping into this newness. Like what Diana Ross say I come. Was that Diana Ross? I think it was. It might have been her, but either way around. It is just, I gotta flow with it. I really gotta flow with it and just, you know, I can't, it's, and I, I feel like I'm stepping into something good, you know? And it seem a little too good to be true or it seem, you know, it, I ain't used to it. I'm, I'm tiptoeing in the water, but I'm still going, like, I'm actually still going. Like I'm, I'm still doing like tomorrow. I'm gonna zip lining. I ain't never, I ain't ever dare no shit like that. But I'm going, if y'all wanna see it, follow me on TikTok at, um, it is just Lucy up there if y'all wanna see the video.'cause that's where I'm gonna put it at. But you know, I, um, I'm just doing things like I'm really, I'm really exploring this part of myself, like learning just new, just like, shit, I'm here. Like I am here. Okay. And that's how I'm feeling. I'm just. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling, I'm feeling all right. Like I wanna, I wanna flow. I just, I just wanna go with the flow right now. And I have, I don't have a choice because the more I was fighting it, the more shit that was coming at me that I'm just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me, let me back up some. Let me just, you know, let's just redo this. Oh, not the email. Hold on. I'm gonna have to mute that, but yeah, it's just, I'm feeling good y'all. And just. What I got, what I gotta say, I'm honestly what it is with me. I'm actively like going on day to day with this, the emotion, dealing with the up and down emotions, still showing up for work, still putting on showing up for me. But at that point yesterday, I felt like I had just like somebody cracked me on the sidewalk and I just broke all open. I was like an egg. I was really like an egg. But it's like. Really just walking in it continue, like moving forward, pushing forward. It is in that moment, that shit is so hard. Like it is so hard to wanna continue to go forward when you got shit going on, when you got a lot on your mind. But I'm like, the more I go through it and come out each time on the other side, baby I, it, it fuels me even more like that. It just does something to me. That's why it's like. Right now Benmar is getting, Benmar is waking up. The big cat is waking the fuck back up. Like I feel like she was just dormant. She was asleep. Like, your girl is really feeling, I'm really feeling good. Like I look this, this is. And it, it feels good. And I, this is what I wanna flow with. I wanna roll with like, I can't allow my mind to really keep taking me to places I don't want to go. So I'm, I'm gonna roll with this feeling that I'm feeling and it feels good. Like it's just a good vibration. Ah, nah. One thing about it, I'm gonna bust out into a song, I'm sorry if you know me in real life, I definitely bust out into a song real quick, like. But, um, I really feel like that's, that's all I got for tonight. Like, just, you know, again, this is, this podcast is, is very personal. Like it is stuff that I experience in real life. But, you know, as I, as it grows, I just, I wanna talk about some of everything. Like, just, you know, uplifting shit, funny shit, all of that. I just really wanna just do this. I don't know, it's, it's gonna flow to me each time, so. I'm just going with it. But yeah, just, you know, allow yourself to feel emotions. It is, it is uncomfortable. It is, but you definitely can get through it like it is very uncomfortable crying, sitting in silence, not having nobody to talk to, but. It is absolutely needed because at the end of the day, like you gotta face yourself. You got to. And, but I seen myself last night and I had to get my girl together like I really did. Like, look, we gonna be all right, poop. We gonna be all right. We gonna be just fine. We all, we all right. We doing it like we really doing this and it is okay. Like we just, we gotta keep going. And that's, that's what it is. Just keep going, keep going. Don't stop. Like, really don't stop. I understand life. Life gone life for sure. So I'm not saying it in that way, but don't allow fear to interfere with, you know what I'm saying? What you want to do or what you, you know, just do it. Just fucking do it. Just do it. Oh my God, just do it. Nike sponsored me. Just do it. But no. On that note, you know, I hope everybody has a wonderful weekend. I know I am. I'm going to enjoy myself and have fun at this park, you know, healing my inner child at the same time because that's needed. But thank y'all for tuning in. Of course, join me next week on Friday. Again, it may drop in the early evening, early afternoon, may drop late at night, but just know. On Fridays Central ain't even no central standard time. But look, it's gonna drop on a Friday, but you know, y'all be safe. Y'all be easy. I love y'all and I will talk to y'all next week.