Are you Obedient or Suffering ?... LETS PIVOT

Hey Boo ! My mood has been sooo up and down lately wheww, im just in a place of pivoting and flowing atp, sooo ask yourself Are you suffering or being "obedient" .. tune in 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey boo, welcome back to Siddy Nair Podcast Episode 8. It is, hold on, let me put some chapstick on. Hold on. Cause one thing about it, I can't stand no damn chap ass lips. My gloss in the living room, but I got some chapstick for my room. Not me talking. That was supposed to stay inside my head, but whatever. It is April the 4th, okay? It is 8 07 in the morning. I did not do a video yesterday because to be honest, I didn't even feel like it, y'all. I I'm not even gonna lie. Like, I didn't feel like it. I wasn't really in the mood to do nothing. Yes, I didn't do anything. Like I was off of work for Good Friday. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna take off from both jobs. So that's what I did. And I I actually enjoyed myself. I just kind of lounged around. Normally don't do it because I always feel like I need to be doing something, but fuck that shit. I actually listen to my body and just rest. But I had a good, I had a good work week. Um, it was short, that's why. Like, I don't know about y'all, but when I'm not at work, like when I when we don't have to go to work, or if I take the day off, my day, I'm not irritable. Like, you know, I'm real chipper up. And I'm not saying like when I'm at work, oh I'm just this mean ass, grumpy ass woman, but I just can't stand being in a building all day long for eight hours a day. Like that shit is depressing, it's dragging, it's irritating. I don't want to keep looking at the same motherfuckers, ain't doing shit, talking about the same stuff. Like, everybody be on their phone. Everybody be on their phone. I don't care where you work at. After once noon hit, depending on what type of work you do, nobody be having shit to do. So why we just can't fucking go home at noon? Like, work all the hours and then go the fuck home. Like, I'm not understanding why the fuck y'all need to have us in this building all day. But anyway, that's neither here or there. Um, this weekend, I don't have nothing planned. Right now, it is raining. Like, I've been up since like six, six this morning, because it's goddamn started thundering. I was like, oh, hold on. And I just been up ever since. And I was like, do I wanna drop, do I want to record today? Do I wanna drop anything? I was like, you know what? Yeah, I gotta stay dedicated. Even when I don't feel like doing it, it's the same with exercise and going to the gym doing whatever. I gotta, I gotta keep up the consistency because I don't wanna not do it and then put it off, put it off. Hell no. I gotta stay on my ass. Definitely gotta stay on my own ass. But yeah, so you know, I plan on chilling. I definitely plan on chilling today. And honestly, the way gas set up, what gas looking like we all at? Because over here, baby, listen. I put gas in my tank yesterday, baby. That's gotta last me for work. And I'm about to be riding all through the town because I don't know what the shit that's going on. It's ridiculous. But today I'm gonna go ahead and jump right into it. I don't like I said, I don't have nothing else really going on this week. Like upcoming events coming up, no. Oh, no, I'm gonna tell you a little song, song. I've been doing my own, I feel like a little historian for referee. I've been doing my own research because, and I talked about it a little bit up here, just being around, being in white spaces heavily. Like, that's my experience now. That's kind of what I'm experiencing, especially where I work at. I'm around a lot of Caucasian people, like a lot of them, majority, and I've never really been in a situation like that, so it is a huge, like a huge thing that I'm just like, damn, still trying to get adjusted to, I'ma say. So I did my own little research. I called, I called my grandparents, well, both my grandmas, because my granddaddy was at the store, and they gave me a lot of information, and it's just like, damn, like y'all experienced this shit too. But they was like, you know, kids. I didn't experience certain shit as a kid. I'm only I'm experiencing all of this in adulthood, so it's just like they exp, you know. So I just wanted their inputs on how to how was they able to navigate through it. But at the end of the day, you know what I'm saying? They was kids, so the shit was low-key normal, which I'm just like, it's fucking crazy. But I'ma just keep I'ma just keep it at that because I'm not gonna get too deep into it because I'm still doing my research. So that's that's something I'm working on. I'm doing my own personal research on how basically how my elders handled racism, you know, handled dealing with white people, and the stuff that one of my grandmas told me, listen, shout out to her because she was right here beating ass. So I love you, grandma. Shout out to that because it's it's crazy, it's just crazy. But anyway, let's go ahead and talk about this is something that's kind of been heavy, heavy on me. It's about pivoting. I feel like everybody should have some sort of pivot in their life, and specifically, are you being obedient or are you just suffering? Like, I I feel like pivoting can look different for a lot of people, but for me, and again, whatever I talk about, is it's more so my experience. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna say what I say and I'm gonna stay in on what the fuck I say because that's how I feel, and this this is what I'm going through. But I'm in a place where I I'm pivoting a lot in in every aspect, jobs, just figuring shit out, what I what I like to do, what I want to do, like how I want to do things. Like, I feel like everybody should have a pivotal point in their life, nobody should be stuck or stagnant because you just you don't know your potential until you really, you know what I'm saying, start putting yourself out there, going places, doing things that you've never done. It was it's crazy because I was actually talking to my mom and for a while, you know, because my mom is in her 50s, and for a while, my mama, before we before she moved here, she won't she won't really get in out of her hometown. She won't go nowhere. And I'm just like, damn, you know what I'm saying? I I knew I kind of knew early in my younger, like my late, my early 20s, I knew I didn't want to do that. Like I I wanted to explore, I wanted to do different things. Like, I I feel like me personally, I've never been meant to just do one thing or fuck with one thing. Like, I have to, we have to pivot, we gotta explore to see what we like, see what we want to do. And when we get in this mindset of just staying stuck in one place, that shit can really cloud a lot of judgment. So, again, when I say obedient or suffering, I'm saying obedience in the sense of when biblical, let me let me use that for example, religion. As you all know, you some of you probably don't know. I don't know, I'm not religious at all, you know. I'm saying, but please practice what you practice, believe what you believe in, but don't try to push that narrative on nobody else because we don't do that shit over here, and I don't think anybody should be doing that because everybody is an individual with their own brain who can think and do for themselves. But when people are like, Oh, I'm just trying to be obedient for the Lord, but you're staying in situations where you have no business. I don't really understand shit like that. I can never understand things like that, and you know what I'm saying? It ain't meant for me to understand because I'm not in it, but I when you see it and when you observe it, it's just like, damn, this is this what you really want to do? Are you really being obedient or are you just really suffering because you're unhappy? And this is how I felt at jobs, like when I would just leave and quit jobs and stuff. I used to feel bad because it's like, damn, why I can't be consistent, but honestly, I was fucking suffering. Fuck being obedient, like fuck that shit. I don't even truly, I don't even like the word obedient when it comes to certain situations because I don't feel like we should be sticking around suffering through anything if we are truly unhappy, and that's what people fuck up at. Like, you're telling me God is telling you to stay in these situations, but you you are clearly unhappy. Your face is breaking out, you're gaining or losing weight, you look a mess, and that's no shade, but you know what I'm saying? You're gonna start showing up how you feel, like depressed as fuck, but yet you want to be so obedient that you are literally miserable. I can't I can't do no shit like that. That's that has never been me. And again, since being single and just really kind of doing things on my own and sitting with myself a lot, I I ain't never been one to wanna to want to stay stuck and stagnant. Like, I I physically can't do that. Like, that shit is gonna make me spaz out. I'm gonna be mean, I'm gonna just be very irritable because I'm I'm ready to move, I'm ready to grow. And it's just looking at it now, a lot of people just don't want to do that. People are comfortable being quote unquote obedient. You're comfortable suffering, like, and I really need people to understand that if you do not change, if you do not make some sort of pivot in your life to want to do better, to want to be better, you are choosing to suffer. Granted, some people's situations are different, but but you have to only only do what you can, only do what you can control, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not saying, oh, like if you hate your job so much, but that's your only source of income. I'm not saying to quit that shit. Like, I would never do no shit like that because realistically, you know, you gotta look at what's in front of you, but it's also making little adjustments, making little moves to kind of make situations better, you know, calling around, getting extension, doing what you have to do in order to pivot your life to where you want to be and how it makes you feel. Because again, being obedient and suffering, it low-key go hand in hand, especially depending on how you look at it. Again, looking at it from a religious point of view, I'm sorry, you're suffering. Like, ain't no way in the hell you're you're plain ass suffering from from a religious point of view. If you are staying in a situation because you feel like God told you to stay there and God told you he got you, but you're it's literally hell in your like absolute hell, and again, we're gonna go through things, we're gonna we're gonna have ups and downs, you know, shit gonna happen, but it it gets to a point. That's that's what it is, it really gets to a point. But um, yeah, I'm just I feel like everybody needs to pivot for real. Pivoting is important because you step into new territory that you didn't know, like you don't know your potential. There we go. You you don't really know your potential, and with me, the job I'm at now, honestly, when I moved to where I moved to, I was just applying for the job because I'm like, shit, it's five minutes up the street. Like, I work five minutes from my job, so I'm like, shit, that's right there. But I had I didn't have any type of experience in this job. But being at this job has pivoted me, helped me kind of put me to where that I'm actually, you know, want to do, you know what I'm saying? I'm meeting people, like even though I don't like working where I'm at, you know what I'm saying? I'm very vocal about that. It's it ain't even where I'm at, it's just the type of work I'm doing. I'm I'm ready to pivot. Point blank, like I'm ready to pivot, but it put me on a path of like, oh, this is what I can do, this is what I want to do. So I'm very grateful for that. And that's saying all of that, it's just like if you don't pivot, you really never know what's truly out there for you. You really never know your potential and what you can do because a lot of us, and you know, I was I was guilty of this at one point. A lot of us choose to quote unquote be obedient or choose to suffer. But you know, that I ain't doing that shit no more. I can't. Like suffering is to me, that's self-abuse. That's self-harm. Like, that's really self-harm. Again, everybody's situation is different, but me, I can't do that shit. If I'm unhappy, I gotta go. Like, I gotta, I gotta find other revenues, like I I gotta make moves, even if I can't leave right then and there. I I gotta like, all right, what's what's my plan? That's what it is. It's like pivoting. Because I want to pivot, I need a plan. The old me, baby, when it was time for when I hated something. Oh, I'm I'm up out, I'm up out of there. No plan, no nothing. I can't do that now. I'm getting older, I'm trying to look for stability while I pivot. I can't just pivot off of an emotion. I gotta, you know, I gotta be a little bit more responsible with my pivots, which I have. I've gotten much better because I'm still at this job. I'm still at this job. The old me would have quit that bitch as soon as I started saying shit from day one. But I I again I can't do that. You know, I live on my own. That's enough right there. When I say I'm a motherfucking soldier out this bitch, with this the way this economy's set up, I'm a motherfucking soldier. And I'm gonna need everybody to talk nice to me because bitch, this shit ain't no joke. Paying bills on your own in 2026, right now, April, in April, right now, it's no motherfucking joke. Ain't shit funny. Ain't shit funny around this motherfucker. That's why I gotta pivot. That's exactly why I gotta pivot. I'm not, I'm not finna suffer around this bitch. I'm gonna be applying for shit that hey, I may not be qualified for, but I just I never know. I never know. I'm not, I'm no longer gonna sell myself short at all. Like, I can't do it. I can't fucking do it. I can't fuck with it. It's not me anymore. I'm just stepping more and more into who I am as a woman, and I'm like, damn, like I really can't do anything. But you know, when you just when your judgment is kind of clouded and you in situations where you don't, when you don't know yourself, you you do stay in situations that you have no business in. And that's just kind of what that is. But it's all a it's all a learning experience, it's really all a learning experience. But me, where I'm at in life right now, at this moment, baby, I'm on a pit, I am pivoting my ass off. I am I'm looking in every direction, okay. It may seem chaotic, and it may not make sense to people, but again, that's fine. I'm not here to be quite honest with you. I'm not even here to make sense to other people. I'm I need it to make sense for me. If if I'm looking at, if I'm looking at something and it makes sense to me, that's all that matters. If you don't get it, that's okay. It ain't meant for you to get. You can stay where the fuck you at. I'm gonna go my way, you can go your way. Point blank period. That's it. That's all, that's all it needs to be. But I am I'm at such a point in my life where I don't want to suffer no more. I don't I don't wanna be just like sticking shit out because oh, one day we're gonna make no bitch. I need to make physical moves now. I need to do what I have to do now in order to like I I know what I want to do, I know how I want to live my life, I know where, you know, so I just I I'm getting to know me and what I want to do, and I'm not setting, I'm not placing my life in nobody else's hands again, obedient or suffering. Okay, some people like to place their lives in a source's hands and just leave it at that. I can't do that no more because that no longer works for me. That shit no longer works for me. Like, what's what is that? What's the church saying? The actions, faith without actions is dead, whatever the hell, whatever that book said, you gotta put some action to that shit. And again, a lot of people can repeat in the Bible. Anybody can repeat the Bible, but a lot of motherfuckers don't be they don't be they don't be um practicing what they preach. So that's why it's like you know, it's just it's so unserious to me. Like if you really want to make a change in your life, like for real, for real, you can't you can't you can't sit in your own suffering, you can't sit in your own tears, you can't be wallowing. Again, we gotta get through the emotions, get that shit up out of you, cry, scream, yell, punch the air, bite something, do whatever you need to do. But I will no longer be playing into this whole role of like, oh my god, I just got nah. I gotta make some moves now. I gotta pivot. I gotta get the fuck up out where I'm at. That's the that's the only way I can actually move. Like, I'm I no longer wanna be in quicksand. I don't want to be stuck. I don't want to be like, oh my god, like I'ma just wait, I'ma stick it out. I'm I don't want to stick shit out no more. I'm tired of sticking shit out. I'm trying, I'm tired of seeing uh uh-uh. Uh-uh, I gotta make some moves, gotta get some shit done, gotta see what's going on. But yeah, this damn, this this is a a short podcast. I I need to start um really lengthening, lengthening things out because I just feel like with me too, I get up here and say what I need to say. Like, ain't no extra shit. Like, I don't ain't no extra shit. It's just it is what it is. Like what I'm saying now is kind of what's going on in my brain. Like, I don't I write stuff down, like I have my notes and things, but a lot of times I'm really going off the dome. Like, I'm just everything is coming live, straight live. The best way to describe it, like it's everything is just coming out. But yeah, we just we need to pivot. We need to pivot. It's the spring, you know, the pollen out there, and again, shit still be fucking me up. Still be fucking what what do what do y'all use? Because Benadryl ain't ain't it. Benadryl ain't working no more. But you know, it's springtime. The bunnies, the pollen, the birds, the beast, everybody is coming out, and you know, it's it's time, it's time for me to come out. Like, I'm coming out like goddamn Diana Ross, just just a new person, new things, exploring new territory and everything. Like, I'm ready for this. Is what I want to do, this is what I need to do. Like, again, I'm not meant for one thing, like that's just what it is. I'm not meant to just be stuck doing a job for goddamn 30 years. Y'all, one time, look at me, story hopping. Is that ADHD? Anyway, one time I was working at a where at the FedEx warehouse in Pennsylvania. When I say I will never do that motherfucking shit again, ever. But I'm glad I experienced it. Like, I had a whole bunch of jobs, and I just feel like I'm a professional job hopper at this point because one thing about it, I'm gonna explore some territory, and if I don't like it, baby, I'm getting the fuck up out. It's just not for me. And some people may look at it like we are here to try different shit. Why would I make myself stuck, suffering, miserable, staying in one job when it's so much shit out here to explore, but fear is gonna keep you stuck in one place because you want to be quote unquote obedient. Okay, you do that, but baby, I'ma fucking leave because I'm not doing this anyway. The Witter Hot job was not for me. I cannot understand for the life of me how in the fuck them people was working there because that floor, baby. My first week, probably like a few days in, maybe like four or five days in. I'm in a corner crying. My fucking feet felt like bones was busting out the bottom of my feet because that shit hurt so bad. Listen, if you work in a warehouse, kudos to you. That is some shit I would not do again, and all them motherfucking creepy ass, nasty ass men that was trying to talk to fuck you with y'all perverted asses. Probably got a whole family, wife, and some more shit at home. Like, uh, but no, that I knew for I knew that shit wasn't for me. Like, I really knew that wasn't for me. And what did I do? I got the fuck out. Like, that shit started straining, wearing, tearing on my body. Bitch, I don't play no games like that. Like, I don't know how people get used to that. Like, I my mind just cannot tell me to be like, stay, stay, stay. I can't do it. Like, I I genuinely can't do it. I've tried it, you know. I'm saying some situations I've stayed in longer than I should, but now realizing me now, baby, I will I'm not doing no shit like that again. I can't, it's it's not healthy, it's really not it ain't healthy for me, and it ain't healthy for nobody else around me. Because again, if I'm in a situation I don't like something, everybody getting a wrap of it. Bitch, I'm I'm cussing everybody out, and that's not fair, you know. I'm saying nobody deserves that, and I'm not bragging about doing anything like that, but that's what will happen when I was truly unhappy and shit was going on in my life, everybody felt that shit because I wasn't I wasn't making moves that I that I needed to do. I'm just sitting in my in my misery, but again, pivot people, really pivot. If you don't like something, you know, control what you can, of course. If you don't like your job, and if that's your only source of income, please do not quit, especially in this economy. Make small pivots, do what you can. You know what I'm saying? Start researching, start looking. Hell, if you gotta go back to school, do that. If you gotta get a trade, do that. If you gotta do a little something, some on the side, do that. But until you just really kind of explore yourself, explore the it's it's so much to explore. Oh, see that. It's so much to explore. Staying in one spot, I feel like that can it can harm you. It can harm you in the long run because you won't be open to things, you'll be afraid of change. Like when change comes, you'll be afraid because you don't know nothing else but just this one thing. And unfortunately, a lot of the generations before me, like the boomer generation, my grandparents, uncles and aunts and stuff, they just they kind of stuck and I hate that. But you know, anybody can change at any point in time. You don't have to stay the same, you're choosing to stay the same. That was so serious. That was so serious and unserious. But no, for real. Just just fucking change. It's nothing wrong with change. And I talk about change a lot because a lot of change has happened in my life. So I'm like, shit, I gotta. That's that's what I feel. That's what I feel. Like, change is necessary, pivoting is necessary. And just really ask yourself, are you being obedient or are you truly suffering? Like, and it's okay to kind of ponder on that for a few days because a lot of times we not asking ourselves questions, we just going along with the day-to-day, just trying to survive. But at the end of the day, listen, you gotta stop. You gotta stop smell the roses and figure, you gotta look around you. Time is gonna keep passing, things are gonna keep going, and shit, you're gonna be in the same spot, and everybody else is gonna be over here, and you still stuck. Like, hell no. So ask yourself are you being obedient or just suffering? Make sure y'all pivoting. And I'm gonna go ahead and wrap this up. As I always say, as we close this out, please, please love on yourself, be gentle with yourself, even even through the pivots. Don't beat yourself up, don't be mean to yourself, don't be harsh on yourself. This is everybody's first life. We all just trying to figure this shit out, especially millennials, okay? Most of what I'm talking about is from a millennial's point of view, from my point of view, how I grew up, and just really transitioning into where we at now. So always be kind to yourself and love on yourself. And again, love your neighbor. Even if your neighbor is being obedient and you're choosing to not suffer, that's their life, and it's your life. We can't, we're not here to change nobody. We just here to change ourselves, and you know, hopefully, hopefully it will reflect somebody. And if it don't, hey, that's okay. That is truly okay. But I love y'all. Have a safe and beautiful weekend. If you're going out and you live in Dallas, please be safe. I don't know how far how long it's supposed to be raining and everything. But again, I appreciate y'all for supporting. And I will talk to y'all next week. It will be on a Friday, it won't be on a Saturday, I promise y'all. But y'all have an amazing week. Bye.