I'm I Lost? Or do I Just Not Fit In?

I got tired of trynna fit in spaces where I just do not fit in, dont place me in no box lol, Whats yall thoughts on " space fitting" ? Thank yall for supporting as always . 

TikTok- itsjuslucyyyy:

https://www.tiktok.com/@itsjuslucyyyy?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey boo, and welcome back. I'm hyper as hell, okay? And welcome back to City Nerd, okay. Episode 11. Episode 11, Lloyd. What is what is going on with everybody, okay? Because listen, hey y'all, what is up? Before we get started, listen, I'm um, I'm just unwinding, so I'm gonna go ahead and you know. I I wanna be like Lil Wayne so bad. So before we get started, go ahead, you know, get your wine, get your water, get your Gatorade, get your goddamn olive juice. I don't know what you're drinking on. But let's go ahead and spark up this blue one before we even just get into it, because baby, I need this, okay? I need it. Let me go. Shit, I ain't hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Hey, okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Let me stop playing so damn much. But what's going on, y'all? It is. It's Wednesday. Tomorrow is the last month in April. But y'all already know stuff dropping on Friday, okay? But I can't believe April came and went. To me, for referee, I ain't gonna lie, it was a little bit, it was a good pace. April was a good pace. I feel like it ain't it ain't run too quick. It ain't run through too quickly. Hold on. It ain't run through too quick, but you know, we here. We made it. It was cool. I can't complain now. Today, I don't know, whether Dallas, Texas, whatever the hell, wherever you at in Texas, is it cold? Because baby, it's it's chilly out here. It's chilly. Like it's it's a little bird. I need a I need a jacket, not even a windbreaker, bitch. I need a little jacket, a little heavy jacket with a little fur on the inside. It ain't that cold, but it's it's chilly though. It's definitely chilly. But we almost come into a close of the week. It's almost Friday, and I'm ready for the weekend. I'm out for real, I'm always ready for the weekend because I'm I'm home, I'm in my space, I'm in my comfort instead of you know being at the plantation. When I say I can't stand being at the plantation, Lord, today that I'm able to speak on working at the plantation. Listen, y'all, that might be two parts. That really might be two parts, but you know, I don't know. I've tried to change, I'm trying to not even change my ways, but I'm just trying to elevate from how I used to react to stuff. But sometimes that shit can be hard. That shit can be a little hard because I'm tired of being understanding all the time. Like I'm uh fuck that shit. People people when people be like they people know what they're doing, people know exactly what the fuck they doing. People damn sure be knowing what the fuck they doing, so you know, whatever. But um this week for me, what's going on? What's going on? Ain't too much, ain't too much going on. Like I said, um, I've been chilling. I'm still reading my books. Like, I'm that listen, I've been feeling real bonita. I've been feeling real spicy. When I say this, this is all I do at the plantation. Had an air pot in, books going. That's it, coming up with ideas, brainstorming. That's literally all I do at the plant. That's all I do. But you know, I kind of want to give a little example. You know how I feel like when I started this podcast, it was to express just my experience going through life. You know what I'm saying? Really, as a I would say grounded adult, you know, really kind of doing things on my own. But I am learning so much about myself. And it's like each day, I'm just like, shit, we doing this together at this point. But for a minute there, I felt I felt like I was trying to put myself in this type of category, put myself in this box to, in a sense, belong to to whatever, you know what I'm saying? To whatever is out there. But I had to come to terms, that is just not me. Like, that's really not me. I with with most people, not even most people, because everybody's mind is changing daily, but an average person, you know, they want the family, the child, the great career, you know, the multiple degrees. That's beautiful. Like, I love that for other people. And at one point, you know, I thought that was something I wanted. I thought it was something that was required of myself internally, but I'm gonna be honest with y'all. I don't give a fuck about that shit. I genuinely want to live life, experience things. At this point, if those things happen, they happen. But I can't just I can't put that on a pedestal. That's not a pedestal goal for me. I feel like a lot of times that's really people go, and that's fine. Like, I you know, we all feel different with things, but that personally, that ain't some shit I want. So it's bringing me into what I want to talk about tonight. Am I lost? Are you lost? Or do we just not fit in to what we used to do, how we used to think, how we used to feel, you know what I'm saying? Like, for the longest, you know how I don't know if y'all experienced it, but I will always just feel like, damn, I feel lost. I feel like I don't know what to do, yada, yada, yada, X, Y, and Z. And a lot of times, yes, that can be true. I feel like a lot of us are lost, but that's because me personally, I was lost because I was trying to fit in something that I just it just wasn't for me. Like I was literally trying. I'm I'm trying, I'm a puzzle piece trying to fit myself into a section where I literally it don't match. It don't mean I ain't part of the puzzle, I just don't fit right here. I was trying to feel like I was forcing myself in pieces and places where I just don't belong. Why I don't, you know what I'm saying? I don't get down. I don't get down like that. And it's just like now I have different wants. I have different wants. I move different, I feel different. I I am different. And I know shit, it's like I hate the cliche shit because it it gives me the ick, but actually experiencing it and going through certain things, it's just like, damn, this is really how it is. My like as far as me having different wants, like I said, I don't I don't want the traditional house golden carriage type. I don't want that. I really don't. I I I promise you that's not something that I want. That may change down the line, but again, being newly single and really being able to focus on me fully 100%. Let me tell you something. Not having to be worried with anyone else, to be completely honest with you, I never thought I would know what that feels felt like. I never thought. Like, I feel like being single is making me so selfish, not in a way where I'm like, fuck everybody, but just in a way where I don't ever want to split my own time with anyone else. Like I don't want to have to sacrifice, I don't want to have to make sacrifices. Like, I don't want to have to accommodate somebody, somebody else's comfort. Like, I just that's not something I want to do. That's not a business that I'm in anymore. Like, I'm not in that shit no more. And a lot of times, like before I got to the point where I'm at now, I will always feel like, damn, like, should I be doing this? Should I be doing it? Just titles. The the titles, the the pressure of the title just staying in a box. And I talked about this one time before. I don't like being boxed in. Like, I don't feel like I should just be doing one thing or should just have one thing. I'm not saying get out here and just go or do a whole bunch of shit, but for me, I genuinely just I want to do what the fuck I want to do. I want to do what the fuck I want to do. And that's moving different. Like, even how I move, like just if I don't want to do something, I just don't want to do it, and I'm not gonna do it. I'm not like again, if I had a choice to not show up to that plantation, baby, I wouldn't be there. They wouldn't ever see me. I would have left months ago. I would have left fucking months ago, but that's a different situation because it's like I gotta be, I gotta be present too. Like I gotta actually see what's going on. If I leave that plantation, like I ain't trying to fuck myself over. But even still, just how okay, moving differently as far as just going there, getting my money, actually leaving. Like, I'm I'm I'm actually understanding that. I don't like it. I really don't, I don't like it. And that's just that's just what it is. Some people may feel like, oh, that's too honest, or you shouldn't da da da da. No, I'm not one of them people that want to stay at a job for goddamn 25 years. I just I don't see myself doing it. Like, why should I keep why should why should people do that? Like, why should people just stay and not want to venture out, not want to move around? Like that, and that's how I feel. So I really had I really gotta start walking in that. I really have to start living that life because I've all that's how I've always felt, but I feel like I wasn't able to actually move in it, you know. I wasn't able to, I was I was the only one holding myself back because I was constantly in my head. But really, I don't want to be in no box, don't box me in with shit, don't box me in with sexuality, sexual orientation, whatever the fuck. Like, don't box me in with religion, don't box, don't box me in with nothing. Like, I'm here to have a good time, I'm here to learn, I'm here to make some motherfucking money, shit. Like, I'm I'm here, like I'm here, I'm not here to be stressed out by other individuals who are stressed out. I'm not here for that. Like, I'm really not here for that. Like, I seen a guy on TikTok, he went to school for psychology and to learn about the brain and shit. And y'all, this man was in the woods playing on a music drum, degree and all. And and I look at that and I'm just like, bro, these are my people. I know that shit probably sounds crazy as hell, but to me, I never climbing a corporate ladder trying to get I I love seeing that for other people. I promise you, I love seeing that shit. But for me, baby, I'm trying to shake this ass all over y'all, all over a boat. Bitch, I'll shake it down at the pier. Like, I really, I am really meant to have a good time. I really am. Like, I'm just I just don't fit in those categories anymore. I personally don't think I ever fit into the traditional type of situations. Again, I have different ones, I move in different, and I feel different. Like the way I felt a year ago or two years ago, I don't feel like that at all now. I feel completely different because I genuinely am different. Like I have, I'm I'm on a new puzzle. You know what I'm saying? Shit, I'm on a puzzle that shit. This I'm I'm fitting, I'm fitting in spaces that don't cause me, I'm I'm not causing myself discomfort. You know, so I'm learning shit. That's what it's about. It's it's about learning, understanding. And the more I understand myself, the more I'm understanding just what's going on around me. I could just, I could create that that shit, create your own life, create your own reality. That shit is so true. That shit is so true. Again, I understand I'm here. I got I gotta go to the to the plantation until until I don't. That's just what it is. I'm there until I'm not. But just when it comes to just life in general, living the way I want to fucking live. That's what it is. I'm I I don't care no more. I I really let me let me put this let me put this goddamn blend out. Cause now I'm just about to get to talking. But no, I'm I don't care anymore. Like I have to live my life for me. I have to. I feel like everybody we all need to. We all need to check. Y'all know I talk about this shit a lot. Change. Switch it up, go a different way to work. Like shit, like little shit like that really does matter. I feel like I was in such a routine of things that when shit got out of whack, oh babe, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. But now, shit, it is what it is. I, you know, we I have to be exposed to good things, you know. Not even all good, but just different types of situations, so I can know how to actually maneuver and not feel so quote unquote lost. Not feel so lost, you know what I'm saying? I've been in a situation, but okay, I how can I turn myself around? How can I leave out of this situation? Like you have to want, you have to want different. That's just what it is. You have to want different, you have to want different, you have to move different, and you have to feel different. Speaking of feeling different, y'all. The girl, I didn't, I want I got on the scale today. Listen, I'm in the hundreds. I don't think I ever been in the hundreds in my goddamn adult life. I said, come on, y'all. Like, bitch, I'm not, I wouldn't what this say. I had to move different. I'm talking about what this say, like y'all can see it, but I had to move different. Like if I would have stayed in, if I would have stayed in my situation, constantly just in a loop in my head, feeling lost, just do, I wouldn't have moved, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have seen the change I'm at now. Like, I I couldn't and now I can't, I can't fit into my old clothes no more. I can't, and I can say that with a big ass smile on my face, because baby, I'm not slow no more. I'm not swallow I am not slow. But no, just wanting, just you gotta, you have to. You have to. I feel like a lot of us, yes, we are lost, but are we really lost? Or we just don't fit in. We keep trying to do the same shit thinking it's gonna change. We keep trying to be with the same people, hang with the same. Unfortunately, a lot of that shit gotta stop. A lot of that shit not gotta stop. And it's not, it's not that it has to be a bad thing. Like you ain't gotta be out here, oh, I'm cutting you off, I'm cutting you off, I'm cut. Listen, if that's how you have to carry it, listen, people gotta people gotta do what's best for them. People really gotta do what's best for them. But sometimes you gotta put you gotta pull back. You gotta pull back. If shit ain't going right, you just feeling lost, you feeling like you don't know what's the next move, you gotta pull back and kind of just it's clarity. You gotta get clarity too, and it's hard. That shit is not easy, especially depending on your situation, depending on what you got going on. It's not always easy to pull back from comfort. Like it's not always easy, but you gotta start somewhere, start small. Definitely have to start small because you gotta, you gotta want different. You got you have to. Like, I genuinely want different. I want I want to see different things. I don't want to see the same shit that I seen a year ago or two years ago. I want to see some stuff that I'm like, oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's I like that. Well, I want like y'all, I ain't even gonna get explicit up here because but when I say I want different, baby, I want different, and I can't even elaborate on that. I really can't, but just no, I I want different, honey. I want different everything, feel different, just just to feel feel different, feel good, feel good. Let me hold on, let me let me okay. I had to get myself together. I had to get it together right quick. I done goddamn got the blushing and stuff, but no, um, you just gotta unstick. Gotta unstick, unfortunately. You know, we just I feel like the people that I'm following on TikTok, like the more and more my algorithm just, you know, my it really that shit really be it be hitting sometimes. It definitely be hitting. Because I feel like a lot of people are in the same place that I am in. You know, I can I can relate to a lot of these people, and it's different. It's absolutely different. Like, oh, these they get it, they understand, like they they thinking similar to how I'm thinking. Now, I'm not saying everything has to be in agreement, everybody's a yes man, but it's it's so it's so different, and it feels good. So it makes me want to like you know, press in even more because I ain't I ain't got no weird feelings about it. I ain't I'm just I'm finding my tribe, shit. I'm finding the community, I'm finding stuff that makes me feel good, makes me feel different, don't make me feel like oh I'm just tripping, or I'm no, no the fuck I'm not. Like, no, the fuck I'm not. I'm just I'm trying to make my way in downtown, walking fast, and what is that?

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Fancy's fast and I'm home pound. Staring back my way, making my way through the crowd.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Okay, because I had to bust out in the tune right quick. If you listen, I love a good tune. I I need a hoot and a hollin' session. But I I digress. Let me get back on board. Let me get back on board. But seriously though, just finding people with similar interests, the same interest, is this this shit is so different. Now, grant I had this in high school, but in adult, like in adulthood where I'm at now, this shit feels good. This shit feels real good. Like, if you know me in real life, you know I don't like fucking working. You know, I one thing about it, I'm gonna talk shit about it. I don't care. I'm gonna talk shit about it. Yes, I know I gotta work here, but bitch, I'm still gonna talk shit. And I'm gonna be like, why the fuck is this happening? Now I've learned to pull back a lot, but I just I can't help that I be peeping shit. Like, I'm not never gonna feel bad for that. Sometimes that shit be getting in the way because I'm like, god damn, I just got here. But again, I gotta I gotta listen to myself. Fuck that shit. But yeah, just finding finding where finding where I fit in without feeling like I have to just be stuck to this one thing, you know what I'm saying? I can explore, I can experience. I feel like that's what I am here to do. I'm here to explore, experience, just you know, learn, understand differences, just that, just that. I don't want to be pressured into one thing, I don't want to be pressured into trying to force people, convert people. That's that's too much. Like, I don't want to worry about nobody else. I really don't. I love my my family, my people, you know, my circle. Love them, love y'all, you know. I worry to a certain extent, but at the not worry in a in a panicked way, but you know, think about them. Like, definitely gonna always be on my heart, gonna be on my mind. But I'm just in a place, all I really care about is me. Like, all I really care about is me. All I really want to do is just pour more into me, find more things that I'm liking. And again, different ones, moving different, feeling different. Okay, that's it. I'm on some, I'm different. Yeah, I'm different. Pull up to the scene with my cell and missing. Pull up to this. I'm about to play some music when I get off this. But I'm gonna go ahead and wrap this up, y'all. Cause listen, I'm high as hell right now in the clouds, but I'm feeling good. That's that's all that matters. I'm feeling good. So again, are you really lost? Are you really lost, or do you just not fit in where you used to? Think about that. Just think about it. Yes, we can be lost, but a lot of times we need clarity and we gotta think, and you gotta separate yourself sometimes to really figure out what the fuck is going on with you. But in all in all, make sure, be nice, be nice to yourself, be kind to yourself, but also be on your ass too. Because ain't nobody gonna be on your ass except for you, so you gotta make sure you're in that and you own it. But love yourself in the same breath, and love the people who love on you. And again, if you're going out, have a safe weekend. I love y'all, and again, thank you for tuning in, and I'll talk to y'all next week. Bye.