I Wanna Feel Something…

Do yall need to have a job where you need to be fulfilled? BABYYYYY I do , that desk SHIT is not for me 😫  

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Hey boo, what is up, y'all? Listen, this episode is all my episodes be very raw, but this one is very, very raw because listen. I've been thinking about quitting a podcast, y'all. I'm not gonna lie. But that's just because honestly, I'm just kinda I'm not in a funk. I'm not saddering or anything, but I'm just like regrouping, basically, you know, trying to really trying to get my shit in order, lockdown, you know. But I feel like at times I can go into overload. So I kind of I kind of work myself up, then I'm like, damn, let me just let me pause, let me pause. So I'm just I'm pausing right now. I'm on pause. I ain't quitting though. I can't quit. You know what I'm saying? Like I can't I can't quit off of a just a feeling that can't that's gonna pass through. I'm just pausing. But I was like, you know what? What's the shit? The show buzz go on. And plus it's it's discipline. Like it's definitely discipline for me. And it's only gonna get better because I gotta keep showing up. And the more I show up, I'ma see the results. So here we are, you know what I'm saying? Like, we here. We here. I'm just figuring shit out a day at a time. Like, and you know what? I'm actually understanding like how important and how valuable my time is, like, from so to pour into myself, basically to lock in. Like, but also just trying to understand, like, or not even understand, but really being intentional. Like, I feel like that is so important to me right now. Like, I'm I have to be very intentional on my next moves, what I'm about to do. And it's not that I'm, you know, not living my life or enjoying the moments. Like, that's not it at all. But I definitely just, you know, to set me up financially, definitely gotta gotta lock it. I gotta lock in with that shit. So it's like I gotta realize what I'm investing my time into, you know what I'm saying? That's setting me up for the future. So I'm just I'm getting my shit together now. Getting my shit together, okay? That's just what it is. I gotta get my shit together because y'all. A job. Listen, I didn't got to the point now where I can really be at work and be like, damn, you know, this shit is crazy to be here all day. But I don't let it affect me like how I used to. Like, I don't really spaz out about it. I'm not I'm not necessarily complaining either. Like, yeah, I'll pop my shit, but for the most part, I clock in and clock the fuck out. And I and it's it's so peaceful to really just leave leave the job at the job. But being at a place where it's just no fulfillment, I feel like I feel like this is like the hardest shit. Not even, I ain't even gonna say the hardest shit like that, but this is a huge challenge. That's what it is. It's a it's a challenge. Because I can't just make I can't just bust a move and get up out of there. I can't do that. I can't do that. Get away from that trash can. Oh, hold on. The dog wanna act up every time every time. The boy wanted to go up, that's all. Anyway, damn, see, this what I be talking about. What was I talking about? Oh, the jobs. It's it's a challenge. It's definitely a challenge because I can't leave, I can't just leave all willy-nilly. Because baby, I got bills, I got bills to pay. But it's also it's that shit. I don't know. That shit that I have my days. Like, I I will say that I have my days where I'm just like, bro, get, I'm ready to walk. I'm ready to walk out. And it's it's not even the people, it's not even the people, to be honest, because I don't care. Like, it's like honestly, it's it's my it's more so internally. Like, it's just I'm not feeling what I'm doing. It's not doing anything for me. Like, it's just I'm like, what is the point of any of you know what I'm saying? Like, I wanna, I wanna be if the thing is, right now, I, you know, I gotta work. I gotta find something that's you know that's gonna benefit me. But while I'm doing it, I deserve to have some type of fulfillment off of it. I just feel like I don't, I don't, I'm not about to, I don't I shouldn't have to suffer for money. Like, that just doesn't that doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to have to suffer to to be to be stable, and I'm not going to. I'm not I don't want to keep doing that because I don't like how that shit makes me feel. So that's why I gotta just be on my ass and do what I need to do. So I just I've been stepping back a little bit. I just I've been resetting. Like I said, I'm definitely not quitting. I can't I can't quit. I won't quit. Can't stop, won't stop. Like I'm feeling like ass. Get down. But nah, for real, y'all. It's been just been trying to figure the shit out. Like, that's really where I'm at. I can't, I don't even, I can't even I can't even make no shit up. Like I said, I'm not sad at all. Like I'm definitely I'm not sad. I've been I still been going outside in the sun and everything like that. I just I don't I guess I just I need some fulfillment throughout the week because I feel like being at the job throughout the week and it ain't really fulfilling. The only time I'm getting fulfilled is like when I'm getting off work and then on the weekends. But no, I want to I want to feel fulfilled all the while, you know? And it's not like it be a drag at work because again, the people some of the people I work with, you know what I'm saying? We make it go, but we make it cool, it's great, but look, I'm not trying to talk for nine hours straight. Like, I listen to the audiobooks, you know, we have our quiet time, our downtime, but can we just go home once the stuff is done? Like, why are we here all day? Why that's that's that's just what it is with me, y'all. I just don't like being somewhere all day, and I'm like, I could be doing something else. Do y'all be feeling like that at work? Like, I don't know. I need more I need more freedom. That's what it is. Like, if I'm at work, working, I I need a little bit, I need some freedom. That's what it is. I I need freedom sitting, sit being stuck to a desk, and then I'm stuck in a room because I have to deal with customers as well, like residents. Nah, I need some movement, some freedom, some breeze, some sun. You know, I need that. I definitely need that. But yeah, y'all. I just just been having my moments, observing, not observing, just understanding my time. Like I said, understanding how how I want to actually value my time and be intentional with what I'm doing. You know, I want to be very intentional. It's important, that's important to me. I don't know if that's important to other people, but what as I get older, what I do matters. Like, shit, every it matters to me. Like, I gotta make sure I'm I'm living my best life out here. I'm not trying to do shit that's making me unhappy. Hell no. So look, I'm trying to figure this shit out one day, one day at a time, though, for real. Definitely one day at a time. But um, yeah, y'all gonna go ahead and wrap this up. I had to put something out though. I definitely did. You know, I gotta even even on the days like today, I'm I was just like, I'm not, I'm not feeling it. But this is this is one this is one of the moments. Shit, this I'm gonna look back and be like, oh my god, like girl. So I mean, shit. I can't wait to look back on it, actually. But yeah, so again, this is this is how I've been feeling. Just me trying to figure out what the hell is going on, taking it a day at a time, slowing my ass down, slowing my brain down. Cause I'm like, you know, I'm I'm still learning. I'm still learning too. Shit. I'm like, all right, man, let me let me matter of fact, let me go take a nap. You know, that's how I've been feeling. Let me go take a nap. Let me lay down. Like, I I have to reset. I have to reset. So it's just if I don't reset, I start, you know, I can have little behaviors, not like I used to, but and then I'm like, you know, let me calm down. But look at me, look at me rambling. But before before I close down, I do have a a quick question, you know, think about simmer on simmer simmer on as a millennial now, like, do you think kids, like, do you think your children, the younger generation, should be able to ask questions as far as not trying to question your authority or question you as a parent, but just literally like if they're asking why, do you think they should be able to? Do you think they should be able to ask ask a question? I think yes, because you know, kids gotta grow up, kids gotta grow up to be adults, so and I get not questioning every single thing, you know, because again, they're learning, so it they're trying to understand, but I really feel like in certain situations, if they're asking why, it it wouldn't hurt to explain so that way the next time the situation comes up, they'll know what to do because now they get it, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know. Personally, I wish that was done for me, but you know, everybody had to learn. Shit, ain't nobody know, ain't nobody know, okay? Everybody out here learning. So, yeah. Do you think kids should ask questions? I do because they gotta go out to be adults and communicate, and it's important. So please let y'all kids ask questions so that way when they talking, they know what they're talking about and they understand. But as always, love on yourself, love on yourself and love on the people who love on you for sure, 100%. Thank y'all for tuning in. This is not that long, but this is really, you know, this is this is a moment. This is a moment, and y'all here with me on the moment. So listen, it's it's it's gonna be all right. It's it's definitely gonna be all right. But thank y'all for tuning in as always. Be safe when you're going out this weekend. Peace and love, and I will talk to y'all.