The New Life Podcast
The New Life Podcast is hosted by Pastors Devon Patton and Luke Evans. Two pastors. One decade apart. Both Pastor's kids who grew up together and now serve side by side - one as a youth pastor, the other an associate pastor. Each episode they dig into Scripture, share real ministry experiences, and teach to help others grow in their daily walk with God.
Affiliated with New Life Church in Trumbull, CT
The New Life Podcast
Relationships & Marriage (Ep. 33)
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In this episode, Pastors Luke Evans and Devon Patton talk about what a godly relationship and marriage can look like built on the foundation of Christ.
What's up? Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Welcome to the New Life Podcast. Good week because people watch it. I've just been talking to people. They watch it on random nights. Random days. Some people wait till Monday night and they watch it like sitting down. Like I talked to a gentleman a couple weeks ago, and that's what he said. He said he I sit down and I watch it on Monday night. My wife watches it first thing Monday morning. It's the first thing she does. That's great. My wife doesn't watch. Otherwise, she has such a horrible week all the time. Yeah, it's probably accurate. I had a lady come up to me on Sunday and just look at me and go, That car wash was awesome. That's all she said. Yeah, she went, dude. Optimo! Was it Mav Blanco? Nope. Oh, because she called me. I know who Matt Blanco is. I didn't know if they knew her. They know her. Like the people watching. But she is she was like, hey, what's that place I want to? And I'm like, yeah, they go down. Dude, she went too. We're just crazy. Supporting small businesses. Dude, I don't know if an ad has ever worked better. Like, I know there's other people who have given they're deciding to do that. Yeah, we didn't get paid. I can't get one free wash for that after 10 washes. You're a punch card? I did. And you know what? My wife's been twice since, and I didn't give her my punch card.
SPEAKER_01Hopefully she got her own. You get a free wash on your birthday, and I went on my birthday with my tenth card or my tenth wash and punched it by accident. Small brain. Small brain.
SPEAKER_02That's a small brain move there. Stinks.
SPEAKER_01I was excited.
SPEAKER_02I was excited on my birthday. That's crazy. Big news for the podcast. Spencer has an Ottoman. Spencer has a comfy chair. He's not sitting on a speaker anymore. Which is also big news because he was not here last night.
SPEAKER_01Oh, uh, Spencer told me on Sunday that he met somebody and he was like, Oh, yeah, I'm Spencer, dude. It was a man. And whoa. Even worse. He was like. And he said, he like introduced himself, like, oh, I'm Spencer. He's like, the guy was like, Oh, like, you're Spencer from the podcast. Like, let's go.
SPEAKER_02And then me and Spencer out on the patio, and Alessandra and Eddie, shout out. They watch every week. Um, they came up and they were like, We gotta get Spencer a camera. And I was like, absolutely. If you want to donate to the pod to get Spencer a camera, it's the people they love Spencer. They do. We all do. Pastor Mark really loves him based on honestly. We have enough money in the podcast budget to buy him a camera, but then that means he would have to edit more. So he's shaking his head. He's like, please know, right now, this is what he's saying. No, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. We can make him say yeah, we literally can make him. He's our little puppet over there, little cute guy. I love that. He said, Yes, I am. Little cutie on the ottoman.
SPEAKER_00He's like elfing. Let's go.
SPEAKER_02Spence on the fence. I knew you were trying to think. Everybody was thinking it. That's so funny, dude. That is so funny. That's all I'm going to be doing for the next hours trying to think of different ones to say. That's it. That's the only one. That's the only one. I love that for you, Spence. We'll get you a fence. That'll be part of our merch. I know how to sit on a fence. Face down. Post in your mouth. Man, the office is good. It's too good. It's too good. It's too good. You got a fun fact today? I got something else. So you gotta share your fun facts first. I'm really my fun fact is brought to you by my aunt Sandy. I don't really know if she listens to this podcast or not, but she does. She either does or she doesn't. There's she either does or she doesn't. Or she either does sometimes and doesn't other times. She sends me some interesting things on uh on Instagram, and sometimes they're really insightful and awesome, and then other times she'll send me random, crazy stuff. But this one was pretty cool. It it was crazy animal facts that are hard to believe. Did you know that moose regularly dive underwater to find food? Did you know? Oh, yeah, they're they're great swimmers. Moose dive up to 18 feet underwater to reach aquatic plants on the riverbed and hold their breath for 30 seconds with their nostrils sealed shut. Aquatic vegetation makes up a significant portion of their summer diet and provides event essential sodium that land plants cannot simply supply in the same quantity. I wonder how much they have to eat to sustain their uh weight. Because those are big old animals. There's some crazy facts on here. Do another one. Rip. A mantis shrimp can punch so can punch hard enough to break aquarium glass. Dude, are those the ones that are knocking fish out when they get close to them? Yeah, dude. They just go like that, and it'll knock you'll see the fish like go limp. Little punching bags. The mantis shrimp strikes at 50 miles per hour in water. That's crazy. What the heck is a mantis with a force of over 1,500 newtons? Dude, that's a lot of noise. 1,500 fig newtons flying at you.
SPEAKER_00Imagine eating 1,500 fig newtons. How long did that take you?
SPEAKER_02Oh man, the strike superheats surrounding water, creating cavitization bubbles that implode with a second shockwave. Dude, they're like a superhero. That is dude. There should be oh, like the mantis. Is she a mantis? I said mantis shrimp. I'm saying there's a superhero called mantis. I wonder if she's a good thing. No, she reads people's minds. Oh. She's like a praying mantis, not a mantis shrimp. Dude, praying mantises can read minds. I've heard that. Yeah. One read mine the other day. Well, it was your fun fact. I didn't have one. I'm really curious on what he has to say. Yeah, I know me too. Nobody was even listening to why I had to say because they just wanted to be a good one. Okay, so I wrote this down yesterday. Get into Devin's brain. Alright. I was thinking about things around the house, obviously. Why I was while I was being a attentive father. Watercup. Yep. Water shop. Pretty much this is where we're at. Okay. Um, good name, bad name. On these different things, really quickly. Like like properly named? It's just like it's you know what it is, but if you were an alien who just landed here, you'd be like, what is that? Good name, toothbrush. Right? Dishwasher. I'm gonna read my list and then you can share your. Okay, go ahead. Bad name, shoe. What is a shoe? Horrible name. Right? Can you tell me what holder? Good. Glasses. I thought, like reading glasses, that's double meaning though. Like you can read, and they're made of glass. Bad name. Shirt. What is that? Really doesn't like closing articles. Steering wheel. Right? Makes sense. It's a wheel. It's a wheel. Bad name. Tweezer. What is a tweezer? Right? Should be called pincher. Pincher. It should be pinch extractor. Alright. Pinch what? Even a weird one. Even a weird one, right? Yeah. Switch. I know what that does. It turns it from one thing to another. It switches it. Right. Light switch. So when it says light switch, it's even more descriptive. Bad name. Bag. What's a bag? Alright. And so now I've thought of some new ideas and some different things. I've shared some of these before, I don't know, on the podcast, but with my friends. And so I think that they're important for us to talk about really quickly. Definitely. Okay. High priority. Okay. One that I think is funny that Nicole calls, and this is kind of what it seems, she calls goosebumps chicken skin. Yeah, no, that's weird. But that's kind of what it's like. It is. You know what I mean? So it's like stuff like that. A clock, a wall watch. Why are we calling it a clock? Well, that's just a watch that you put on your wall. Alright? That is a wristwatch. Alright. A foot. That's a leg hand, dude. That is, or if you like hand, that's an arm foot, right? You see, we can go back and forth with this. Okay. Ceiling. What's a ceiling? That's just a roof that's indoors. Okay, so that's an indoor roof now. Or top floor. Top floor. Upside down floor. No. Inverted. Inverted roof. Fridge, that's an ice closet. A booger, that's nose wax. Earwax, that's a nose booger.
SPEAKER_00Or ear ear booger. Nosebooger is just a regular one.
SPEAKER_02The fact that you sit at home typing this stuff. A window, that's a glass wall. Because it's just a wall that you could see through because it's made of glass. It's not a window anymore. Tinted windows, those are car sunglasses. I've shared that one with some people before. Yeah. Well, you have that. Tires, those are car shoes. Sure. Clearly. Moon, that's the nighttime sun. Obviously. The night light. Nighttime sun. Socks. Why we're not calling them under shoes is crazy to me. Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good. It's not we wear underwear, underclothes. There we go. We should call it underclothes. Yeah. Which some people might. Boat, that's a water car. We're all on board with that. Nah, no wheels. No wheels. Yeah, no wheels. Okay. Win something, lose something. Flame, that's just a mini fire. That could get out of hand. Pimple. It's a pus volcano. That's gross. And then the last one, snack. That's just Nicole's husband.
SPEAKER_00That's it. Spencer's losing his dude over there, dude.
SPEAKER_01He's absolutely crying. Ah, there we go. We need to get a specialist on here and get you diagnosed with something. Oh, we we know what it is. We just can't stand it on the air.
SPEAKER_02You guys don't think like that throughout the day.
SPEAKER_01Sure don't. How many random stuff do you have in your notes?
SPEAKER_02Like, do you ever start like the problem is they're not all in one. I can't even imagine what his notes look like in his phone. Oh, it's unbelievable. You're just sitting on the phone. Random thoughts. One day I'll just share some of my dreams that I've had with people. Dude, remember the other day we were talking about crazy dreams the other night. I woke somewhere up in the middle of the night. I was standing on the bed, looking on the floor like this, going, Where is it? Where is it? She was fur she's so mad at me. That's asserting your dominance. But I had a dream something was in the in the bed. That's crazy, dude. And they wanted to get me. Yeah. It's probably because the snake was probably because the snake was on the show. I had someone came up and she was like, That's all she started the conversation with was like, You are very brave to wear that snake. How about your Nana, dude? Yeah, whatever, dude. Nana, if you're watching this, I love you. Um she just comments on the church's post of me like reading with that snake, and she's like, I don't like the snake, Devin. That's it. That's all she said. I don't like the snake, Devin. Didn't like the verse, didn't like any just to like. You know what, Nana? I didn't like it either. Yeah. Alright. Well, hi Nana. Hi, Papa.
SPEAKER_01And that was good. I sent you a I had a dream about camp the other day about an idea, and I woke up at one in the morning and texted him. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Devin had a dream somebody died last night, but then he showed up at prayer meeting, so we knew everything was okay. We're not gonna say who it was. We're gonna keep it rolling. There was only 10 people there. Yeah, so we can figure it out. Well, that was my little note for you guys. I thought that you'd like that. Thank you. I'm trying to think if there's anything else on here, but we can get into what we eat hands. There's one here that says silly things. Oh, leg hands. What did you call feet? Leg hands? Leg hands. Or arm feet. Or arm feet, yeah. Harper always calls her big toe her uh thumb toe, and I hate it. It just sounds so cool. Oh, that's really gross. Pointer toe.
SPEAKER_01Pointer toe. Like your second toe?
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Because it's taller than everyone's. It's just your second toe, dude. Mine is shaped like a mountain. Your foot? Mm-hmm. Are you like this? Prove it. You slanting? I don't I don't know what you're even talking about.
SPEAKER_02Like it's a regular like a Roman toe. Oh yeah, I'm like this. Oh, I'm like this. I am I am perfectly aligned. Straight? Uh no, no, no. It just on a nice. I don't even know. His point's this big and kinky toe. No, because some people have their their middle toe is or their first toe, like you're saying, your pointer toe is longer than the other, and it's so weird looking. Yeah, it's yeah, weird. Anyone who has that, I would just cut my foot off. Yeah, there's a bunch of different ones. I would just never wear such a bunch of different ones. Please don't ever wear open-toed shoes everywhere. Yeah, put it up full screen for everybody. What? Everybody the the difference in the type of shoes. There's a feet type. Yeah. Let me see which type I have. Which type ain't you ain't? There's so you have that far right one? Yeah, Greek. What do you got? What's that? Celtic? What is that one on the right? Peasant feet? What is that? It's all the same size. That's yeah, dude. You're a peasant feet. Look at your peasant feet. You're a peasant. Oh no, you have that Celtic one. You're saying your your second toe is really long.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, honestly, yeah. So you got Egyptian feet. Or Roman feet. You have Roman feet. That's right. We rule the world. I have the feet of a Pomeranian.
SPEAKER_02What the heck are you talking about?
SPEAKER_01My foot looks just like my hand.
SPEAKER_02No, I have Egyptian. Yeah, there that's a better picture. So the Roman, for those of you that can't see, the Egyptian feet is straight down like this. The Roman, the second two toes are tall, and then the Greek just the pointer toe is taller than all the other ones. Which one are you? Probably closer to Egyptian. Yeah, I'm Egyptian. I'm gonna walk like an Egyptian. Now we gotta shave our heads and start wearing eye makeup. What do I have to do? What are you? Roman Greek? We won't say that. Yeah, we can't say that. You have to start eating feta with every meal. I don't like feta. Oh me ganos.
SPEAKER_01Oh meaganos. I can't. How many office references can we fit in? In one episode.
SPEAKER_02Oh, probably too many. Oh, yeah. Alright, what are we talking about today? Anyway.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what are we talking about today, Mateo? Producer. Yeah, it's gonna be the last thing I say for the rest of the podcast. We are talking about marriage.
SPEAKER_02Marriage relationships. Wow. Spencer's locked in. That's why he got the uh the Ottoman. Ottoman today's like, I gotta wedding coming up. I gotta learn something. Yeah, you have your notepad. Gotta learn me something. Whoa. Now he's sitting weird on the Ottoman. Guys, I wish you could see it. Show him. Show him how he's sitting. I'm gonna take a picture of it. We can edit and post it. Yeah, put it in post. That's how he was sitting. Well, tell us about marriage. I ain't married. Well, we're not gonna talk specific like all about marriage. So if you're listening to this and you're single, or you're listening to this and you have been married for a long time. Obviously, of how Bible the Bible talks about marriage and what a gift that it is. How long have you been married? Uh 15 years in October. Wow. That's wild. A long time. That's a long time, dude. In reality, like people always say it's like, wow, it's a long time. It's like in the world we live in today, that is extremely long. Right? Like you'd say, like, in nowadays, like divorce rates are crazy. Like, that's there's people who get married. Yeah. And people get married so late nowadays that when I tell people I married was married at that I've been married almost 15 years, they think that I got married at like 18. Like they look at me like I like got married super late. I was 26. Oh, okay. How old were you? I have no idea. Twenty-four, I think. How old are you right now? 31. You've been married for seven years. Yeah, it'll be seven years in August. That's wild, right? Time flies. Time flies. Dang, dude. You were young. Yeah, you I didn't realize you were that young. A little older than you, right? Yeah, she's a year. She's like two years older than me. Summer's four years older than me, so the cougars. Okay. Sorry. She summer turns.
SPEAKER_01Or the Pumas. The Pumas or the Mountain Lions.
SPEAKER_02It depends on what mood she's in.
SPEAKER_00She is like a wild animal.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we I we got married when I was 26, and then uh the day after we got married, Summer turned 30. So it was, you know, really robbing the cradle situation.
SPEAKER_00So then now we know how old Summer is, dude.
SPEAKER_02She looks great for her age. It's good for her. Good for me. For her. But one of the things I will say, you know, when you're when you're getting to know someone or you're meeting someone. So for people that are dating or people that are looking, I think, you know, a lot of people say, you know, that your your relationship, and it will, your relationship will evolve, that it will grow, and it will do all of those things. But I think that the things that you should look for early on when you're dating someone or courting someone or eventually seriously dating them, getting engaged, thinking about getting married. I think that the things that you should look for then should also be the things that like sustain your relationship down the road, right? Like obviously, you know, I obviously we talk to people, we date people that we're attracted to, and we understand that you know that changes over time. You know, people look different, they change, stuff like that. Um, but I think that the the things that you have to look for when you're talking to someone or getting into a relationship with someone are these kind of core things that you know like we talked about last week with friendships a little bit, these things that are gonna sustain us and connect us even through difficult times, hard times, things like that. Because obviously in a marriage you're gonna face hard times. And so you have to be able to figure out, man, I'm not just I don't just like this person because of this one thing. Like I like them, and I eventually fell in love with them because of all these things that they provide to the relationship, and then with the things that I provide to the relationship, those things mesh together, and now we can grow and grow together. Now I'll put you on the spot though. Okay since you said your wife watches this podcast. Well, was there something when you first met her that was like that stood out like that that you were like, oh, this is different. Well, obviously, I mean, you know, this is gonna be the obvious answer because we're on a a Christian podcast or whatever, um, is you know, her faith. Obviously, you know, the the Bible says, you know, it's our verse for today, I don't know what off the reference off the top of my head, but the you know, the Bible says do not be unequally yoked, and a lot of people don't take that in as high of consideration as they should. That should be the number that should be your number one priority, the number one thing, like the minute also, spoiler alert, you'll find that out really quick. Not a hard thing to find out. Not a hard thing to find out, but people will act like this is crazy. I had no idea they were like that. It's like you'll find out real quick what people like. He never wanted to come to church with me, he never prayed, he never read his Bible. I had no idea that he wasn't a Christian. It's like, uh But he told me that he loved Jesus. Yeah, loving Jesus or knowing of Jesus is completely different than actually following him. So Devin is correct, uh 1000% correct. Like, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, that's a good point because a lot of times I think we do we're as human beings, right? And now I'm getting off into a tangent, but as human beings, right, we want what we want, and so in order to get what we want, we will try to justify it. Yeah, like I'm trying to lose weight, but I've done good all day, so I want that ice cream. Like we we justify it, and I'm not telling you to go starve yourself. I'm just saying, you know, we discipline ourselves to a certain point, but when the body wants something, when the heart, when the mind wants something, we're really, really good as human beings at justifying it. And I think a lot of times we see single people in the church that do a really, really good job at trying to justify who they're dating, who they're talking to, who they're in a relationship with. When they know, like you're saying, you know pretty quick whether that guy or girl is actually on the same wavelength as you spiritually and believes the same thing. Now you might be on different stages in your faith, right? When I met when I when I met Summer, she was, you know, new-ish Christian, you know, six months a year saved, and I obviously have grown up in the church. You might be on different wavelengths as far as your spiritual journey, but you have to have to have to have the same core values and the same beliefs in in God, in why church is important, your faith's important, all those things. So that's number one. The other thing, you know, when it you're asking me the question of about something that stood out in summer, is just obviously, you know, we we laugh a lot together, and we still do. And I think that that's an important thing is to in have the same sense of humor in a way that is like compatible of like, man, can I hang out with this person for the rest of my life? Yeah. Like, like it it sounds crazy, but that's what it is. Like, am I is this gonna be yeah. Do I want to do this? Do I want to hang out with this person? Yeah, it's a scary thought. And I think that's a thought that would probably deter a lot of people, actually. It's like, or they're dragging it along because they're like, Yeah, I don't know if this is legit, or I don't know if I Would want to do that forever with the rest of our lives. Mateo found the verse, and then you can can you read it for us, Matt, and then I'll uh share what I have to say.
SPEAKER_01Light with darkness.
SPEAKER_02And I had said before we started filming and we had talked about friendships last week, but it's a keynote for those again, you're not in a relationship or you've been in a relationship and you're navigating still through friendships. It doesn't say like, again, specifically in this verse, like in the context of it, it might be talking about relationships or marriage and things like that. But unequally yoked with unbelievers, it's it means the same with our friendships. Like there's things that we're battling that, and we're like, why do I keep dealing with that? It's like because your friendships are not congruent with what you are believing and what you're trying to do. And so it's one thing that I think we take for granted a lot of the time, or we don't take as seriously. It's like don't be unequally yoked, yeah, with the people around you that you spend the most time with, that you confide in the most, that you trust the most. It's like those are not the people that you need to do. Well, and that's the thing, too, is like if we have people listening that maybe don't understand the full context of that verse, and I'm not trying to insult people's knowledge, but like the verse is not saying you can't be friends with people who aren't Christians. The reason that they're using the word that that Paul in writing to the church in Corinth is using the word yoke, is because a yoke is a thing that went over two oxen, two donkeys, two horses, whatever you want to plow the field. And so if it's uneven, it's not gonna be able to plow correctly or go in the right direction it needs to go. And so what he's talking about, he's talking about people who you are connected to, who you are, who you are, linked to, attached to. Like I have friends that I have friends that I play basketball with or that I see or that I see when I'm out and about or places of business that I would consider my friends, but I'm not yoked with them. Like I'm not, I'm I'm they're not dragging you and away to the gym and getting yoked with them. Get it? Uh no, I'm not I'm not connected to them in a sense that the things that they do in life is is gonna affect me. They're my friends or acquaintances, and then there are people that I am yoked with that I want to make sure, man, if I'm connected to this person, whether that's you, whether that's my wife, whether it's one of these guys, I'm that that when you go and you do something, it it might affect me. So I want to make sure that our friendship is is on on the same wavelength and is traveling in the same direction. And so whether that's your friendships or your marriages, you have to understand uh not marriages, I didn't mean to make that plural. Either that's your friendship, your dating relationships, or your marriage, you need to make sure that you are uh aligned with the person that you marry because I have I've seen it in my time in youth ministry and then obviously my time just in church. I'm sure that you've seen it. But you nine times out of ten, the person that's coming to church, reading their Bible, doing the things that they're supposed to do, that starts dating or becoming seriously involved in a friendship with someone that is not a believer, nine times out of ten, the the person that was a believer. What does your dad always say the one who had who cares the left who cares the least in the relationship always controls the relationship? My dad said that since I was a kid. I've heard it a gazillion times, but it's 1,000% true. And I use it in all my counseling sessions when I have relationship issues, people have relationship issues. I use it in all of them because it's 1000% true. When you have a good, healthy marriage, both people are carrying the same weight, right? We're yoked together, we're both heading in the same direction, carrying the same weight. When you have a dysfunctional or a relationship that is not biblically balanced or the way God intended it to be, you will have one person that's doing all the work, which is usually the person that's a Christian because they know I have to love and I have to be kind and I have to be gentle, and I and they're doing all this, and then you have a person down here that's not pulling any of the weight and they're heading in a different direction, separating the two people. But usually, sadly, what I've seen a lot of is that person that is a Christian, is going to church, is trying to live the right way, they will either get their heart broken in a million pieces because they tricked themselves into thinking that person loved them how Jesus loves them, or they will drift in the same direction as that person that they're yoked with and will head down a path that they will regret. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's a good point. Like understanding how much Jesus loves you can really translate into stuff like that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you you want, you know, we joke there's so many corny churchy relationship phrases and and things that we use over and over again, whether it's in youth ministry or or big church or whatever. Um, but they really are true. Like if if you can find someone that loves Jesus more than they love you, like if you're a girl listening to this podcast and you really want a husband, if you can find a guy who loves spending time with Jesus more than he loves spending time with you, he's gonna probably end up being a great husband. Yeah. Like it's not true. You know, if you if you date someone that's selfish and always cares about all they care about is themselves and what they can get or what they can, you know, get from you, then you're probably gonna have a miserable time at it, probably gonna get your heart broken. Yeah, I agree. What's one success that you'd recommend that you've seen in your marriage? One success?
SPEAKER_01Or like one like one thing, like every marriage is different. Sure. I'm assuming. Um they are. And so like what's like, I don't know, even if it's like something like people are different, right? So you have different methods of communication. If you're like you get in a fight, it's like, all right, let's we do this thing where we cool off and we uh take a walk or something like that. Something stupid like that, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02I think that's oh dude, I should share that. I've told people that before. Like when me and Nicole first got married, like I was the I'm was I'm still really bad with communication. Like Nicole can vouch for that. But it's like my communication was not the best, or like that, like we would get in an argument and I would feel like I'm just overwhelmed by this. And I see I would like I'd be like, hey, like we can continue this conversation, we can like hash it out if we need to hash it out, but like I need some time like to figure like get my thoughts around things, and I would like drive. And I would like take drive. Like sometimes it'd be far. Like, and so there was a couple times when we first got married that like I was like, I just or like in anything, like at that's how I would like again, it's not the proper way to Vermont stressed. No, dude, I I like there was a couple times I drove to like Hartford. Yeah, and I'd be like in the Capitol building parking lot, and I'd just be like sitting there, and I'd be like, Alright, I gotta go home now. And it's like, but I know it sounds weird. I know you're like, Pastor Devin, you're just it's like, but it's like But you're newly married. I was newly married. I was like, I don't know how to navigate this. If I if I say what I want to say right now, I'm gonna lose it and I'm gonna ruin this here. It's like I needed something, and that was that's what I used to do when I would get stressed and I'd put on worship music and I'd drive. And there was a couple times where I'd be like, All right, and I'd end up and I'd be like, all right, I'm going all the way to Hartford. I think marriage is like any I'll answer that question in a second, but just to add to that, I think marriage is, and I'm obviously not to end all be all. There's people listening to this podcast that have been married way longer than I have. Um, but I think I have a pretty good healthy marriage. Um you know, I I think marriage is like anything, and and if you're both Christians, obviously marriage becomes a bigger thing, it becomes this spiritual thing that you you know you made your vows before God and you're trying to do. And so I think marriage like anything is one of those things that when in order to become the best at something, you have to put the work in, and in order to be to become good at something, it takes sacrifice and it takes a maturation process, yeah, just like our faith with Christ, where like that you're saying, you know, I used to do that my first year. Now, if you've been married seven years, if you still need to drive to Hartford, then you need to win. So I think that like, you know, if you're watching this, you're a married couple, and you're like, yeah, we've me and my wife fight the exact same way we did, you know, 17 years ago when we first got married, well, then something's wrong, right? Like there has to be a maturing process, which leads me to answer your question, which is the one thing that I always tell people, because I do a lot of the marriage counseling now with the for fian for engaged couples, you know, we run them through a premarital course, and a lot of what I try to instill in the newly engaged or about to be married people, like Spencer, is that the more that you can put yourself in the other person's shoes and the more you can understand before I speak, let me evaluate this situation and ask myself, is it worth it? Is like there were things when me and Summer first got married that like stupid stuff, like you know, she the way she reacted around bugs, like a bee would fly around. She's like, uh, and like in my spirit, I would be like, Would you cut it out? Like, I would get so frustrated with it. And over time, it's like she's really scared of bugs. If it was a snake, that's how I would be acting. Like clearly, I put myself clearly, I put myself in her shoes, and that's a stupid example. But but a lot of times there are things where like if I if I wanted, I mean, she's listening to this podcast, she knows, and you know, and and and you know, if if I wanted to go home today and aggravate my wife, yeah, I could. Yeah, like I we've been together for 15 plus years. Like, if I wanna push her buttons and like get her fired up, yeah, I can I can do it like that. What a good marriage does is say, even though I know how to do that, I'm gonna try my hardest not to do that. I'm gonna try my hardest to put myself in their shoes when they come home and they're dealing with something that I don't react. You know, we've joked before, my wife's over here when it comes to like, you know, the the freak out spectrum. I'm over here. This is not good, and neither is this, and she knows it and I know it. And so over time, what you realize is in our first year of marriage, she might have been over here and I was here. And as our marriage has progressed, what you find out is I'm over here and she's over here. And so if she's reacting like this, is it worth me making this something way bigger than it is to try to get her to feel how I feel? She's never gonna feel how I feel. Yeah, so how do I figure out how to kind of meet her in the middle of like, Brody fell, you want to take him to the hospital? I think he's fine, but his arm might be broken. So, how do we figure out, like, okay, we're not gonna go to the hospital, but I'm also not gonna do nothing. So, like, let's WebMD it, let's chat GPT it, let's take a look at it. Can you bend it? Can you and so instead of freaking out and trying to get somebody to like, why don't you just have my perspective on this? Which is the problem that we have in society. You want to get into a deeper, bigger discussion, which we won't. But it's the problem that we have in the political realm of you're over here, you're over here. You're never changing those people. No, nobody ever has a conversation. A Republican never has a conversation with a Democrat, and the Democrat's like, you know what, I'm gonna be a Republican now, and vice versa. It never happens. But where can we meet in the middle and find that middle ground of like, I'm never gonna get you to come this far to my side, and you're never gonna get me to come this far to your side. But how do I diffuse the situation? And instead of trying to create a fight where I'm getting you to feel how I feel, I just try to meet you in the middle. Yeah, and I think again, one of the things that I don't even know if you remember talking about this, but like for newly married people or like people maybe or you're about to have kids, and that's a relationship, right? That's something that you have to foster and nurture. But and then one of the things that you had shared with me was like I don't even know if how you worded it, but it was kind of like marriage and like and having kids, like around the same same topic. It's it's never gonna look like what you think it's gonna look like on TV. Like you see, like you paint this picture, or like people paint this picture of what their marriage looks like or social media now, but it was like it's never going to look like that. Like, and I think you use the analogy of like you're sleeping in bed with somebody, like, and you're you think like on a commercial for like a cealy mattress, they're like holding each other, and it's like this amazing thing. It's like if my wife is anywhere near me, I'm like, get away from it. Me and my wife say goodnight, and it's like go on opposite, and it was like, and it was that little illustration of like that, and I don't even know if you remember saying that, but it was like, and I was like thinking, I'm like, oh, this is great, we're gonna, and they're like, dude, get away from it. Like seven years in, I'm like, it's completely true. Sometimes summer will wake me up in the middle of the night and go, You're breathing on me. That's all I'm just saying. You're breathing on me. I'm like, what do you want me to do? Hold my breath? Like, dude, I've had that, like, I roll over, and Nicole's like, can you roll back the other way? But I'm on it to like look like we're looking at each other or both of sleep, breathing into each other's mouths. And so it's like that was something that's like super eye-opening for me early on, and so I thought I'd share with everybody. It's like it's it's never going, or you might be married for a long time and you're like thinking, or you're new Christians, and you're like, Oh, this is what our marriage does. It's like it's going to take time. Like, you want or you see somebody and you see their marriage and you see their relationship and you're like, Oh, I want that. It's going to take time, but you have to understand it may never look like that, it might look like something else. You need to have realistic expectations of of first of all who you are. Yeah. Right? Because a lot of times we think, you know, oh, I I can, and again, I'm even a weirder case than like you. I mean, you had a sibling, stuff like I, you know, I'm an only child, like living with someone. I mean, I had roommates in college and apartment and stuff when I was in you know in school, but like as far as like living with someone like all the time, like planning your schedules around each other and like making sure they know where you are, I know where you are. Oh, that's another thing that you had said to me too was like you have to understand, like it's never like the season of life you're in right now, like it might be stressful as newlyweds or like in this new relationship, but it's like it's not always going to be like that. And that's like when you're in that, it's really hard to see. Like, because we were like trying to figure out we're brand new getting married, and it's like you're like, dude, just slow down. Like, right now it's not, it's not gonna look like this forever. Like, it's not gonna be. And I was like, every every season is hindsight is 2020. Every season's different, and I think like I said, I haven't even been married that long, but I mean, I think if we got your parents on or my parents on or whatever, like they would agree in the sense that every season is is different, and again, if we go all the way back to where we started, when you have when you're when your marriage or your relationship is is based on foundational biblical things, right? Like, do I does this person love Jesus? Do I love this person? Do we have fun together? Do we laugh together? Do we share the same core values as one another? Those are the things that last through every season of life, like right, like the the newlywed phase, the the the kid, the young kids phase, the the older kids phase, the teenager where I'm in now, the teenager and teenager kid phase. Um, you know, I think about my parents of like, you know, you've been married, now you've been married 40 years or whatever it is, and like you know, those core things, like my parents believe the same thing. They laugh together, they have fun together, they have common interests. You don't have to have every interest together. Like me and some are not interesting. Like, I'm I'm gonna go watch the NBA Finals. She's not gonna sit on the couch and be like, ooh, babe, let me watch when we were dating. Yeah, she would have been like, Ooh, let me watch the finals with you. Like, you know, it's like we're good. Now it's like we've been married 15 years. She's like, I don't care about that. Let me know who wins after all. Like, murder documents. Yeah, let me go in the room and learn how to kill you in your sleep. Um, because you're breathing on me. Suffocate my that's why I roll over immediately when she says you're breathing on me, because I know she knows 18 different ways to ditch a body from those documentaries. But I think the the the more foundational things, and I think it applied, like you said, it applies to friendships. It applies if you're listening to this and you're looking, it applies if you're seriously dating and engaged, it applies if you've married two years, seven years, 15 years, 40 years. It doesn't matter. If my if the foundation is the same and the foundation has been the same, then you can you can build on that. Yeah, I think so too. When the foundation is lopsided, or when the foundation is that's what it's like. If you're if you're a visual person like me, all I can picture right now is half of a foundation being concrete, which is the person that loves Jesus, and half of a foundation being wood, which is the person that doesn't love Jesus, and the two foundations being joint together and then trying to build a house on it. It's not gonna work, it's just not it's not gonna work. No, and so you have to get somebody that has that same foundation as you. And again, it's going to be a lot of hard work, it's gonna be very difficult at times. Like we understand that and we know that. And one thing I was thinking about recently is like you know me my entire life. Like, I love things, I try things out. My wife, she gets so mad at me because I'll try something out, and it's like it's like for like a month, and then I'm like, all right, this stinks, I'm not doing this anymore. And it's like, but in our marriage, right, it's like there's been really tough times or or hard or tough arguments or different things that we go through, and it's like we look back, and um, I mean, I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I'm just saying it for me, it was so important that it's I'm not giving up on this. It's the same with my ministry. Like, there's been really tough days in ministry, but I'm not like, all right, I'm getting up and I'm moving to Oklahoma to go work at some corporate company. It's like, no, I'm that this is what I'm supposed to do. This is what I I need to keep. The important things in life, the things that are worth building, are the things that are gonna take the most work, and they're the things that you're gonna have to push through the hardest. And the problem with culture and society and even the church nowadays, when it comes to marriage, we can in ministry and anything is well, I don't like that, I can just quit. Which is why the divorce rate is the same percentage in the church as it is in the world, which is why we see pastors hopping church to church, youth guys quitting here and there. Like it's oh, I don't like this, I can just move on. And that's never what it was intended to be. It's a covenant, it's a commitment, it's yeah, something that should be sustained. And it will be hard work. Spencer's over there getting married in a couple months. Spencer, it will be hard work, but it'll be worth it if you you know, if your foundation is the same and you and you build you build your life on what is important, um, then it's you know, I was talking to a buddy of mine, he got married year year and a half ago, and like we were just talking the other day, and he I was like, It's the best, isn't it? And he's like, Yeah. He's like, it really is. It's so much fun, like it's the best. So again, when you have the right person, and it only gets I it only gets better. It agreed. I think it only gets better because I mean I I mean I know you love your your kids. I loved my kids when they were little too, but you don't get to spend a ton of time with your spouse when your kids need your constant attention all the time. Like my Well, that's the understanding of the stage of life. Like, I'm like, I understand that we can't constantly like we have to prioritize our time so that we can make things work when we can, but it's like it's well your kids will die. That's what I mean. They need our they need our full attention right now, like they need a schedule, that's what works best for them. And it's like so that's what you take it at like, oh man, I wish we can go to it's like right now we can't, but in life, you will get to that point where you'll be able to do those things that you did want to do, or whatever it is. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, man. So, Tao. All you guys are married to older women, so I guess my uh Yeah, that's it. Alright, we got a good demographic for this. Uh yeah, how much older is Sofania? Uh two years old. That's it. My mom's two years old. Two years old. My mom's four years older than my dad. Wow. Mature men is what we are. Mature men. That's it. Men. Men. They don't want boys, that's for sure. No, they don't, them girls don't want boys. Get out of your mom's basement, brush your teeth, go get a haircut, get a job, shave. Go get a job. Go get a J-O-B. Yeah. Alright. Good job, everybody. Well done by you.
SPEAKER_00Good job by you.
SPEAKER_02Is that a reference? Yeah. Don't worry about it. I don't know nothing. You wouldn't get it.
SPEAKER_01Alright. I got some uh It's for married guys only.
SPEAKER_02Even Spence doesn't know what's going on. No, he's not married guys. He's just laughing.
SPEAKER_01You just labbing. So we we were at dinner last night and we uh Oh, were we? Oh, were we? We were the three of us were at dinner. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_02But it's a tradition with our uh returning college students. There's a couple of college guys that and they talked about the colour. Oh, it wasn't just the three of you. No, no, no. That's crazy. We used to three of our students that did it. It has become a tradition that anytime they come home we go out to Chili's and Chili. It's great. Did you get fajitas again? I told Mateo last night I was like, I'll eat this for the rest of my life. Every time I come to Chili's. I've been eating chili chicken fajitas since I was like eight years old. The chicken and shrimp combo. Oh my word, dude. Comes out.
SPEAKER_01It is unbelievable. Yeah, anyway, so we were talking about I don't know. If you've ever seen the image of like actually, I'll pull it up. And then we can put it on the big thing.
SPEAKER_02You have to show it to people though if you're gonna pull it out. Yeah, you will. Okay, okay, okay. Goodness.
SPEAKER_01So it's like a plate of buffalo wings, and you pick which one you would eat first. This okay. This or that. Yeah. Well, that's what that's what sparked this whole thing. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Pull it up. Um trying. Is it like a wings or f or uh flats kind of question? Kind of. What did I look up to find this yesterday? Oh boy. Oh boy. Super prepared producer over here. This is not going to be a good one. It's too unor too disorganized. He could have been looking up this whole time. I have the questions. Think about how much work you could have been doing on the online dating sites right now. Christian Mingle. EHarmony. Tinder? Okay. Nope. Nope. Nope. I can't find it. What's the other one? Grinder. Grinder. You're gay. Oh, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_01Dang, dude, I can't find it. I don't remember. I don't know how to look into my history. Are you a uh wings or a flats only?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm a flats guy. Um are you what are you, Spence? Uh say aloud. Oh, wings. Yeah. They're not wings. It's drumps. What is it? Drum sticks or flats? Yeah, I'm a drink. You're a drumstick guy? Two drumstick guys over here. And two flat guys. The best wing on the window. What? No, I'm I'm a I don't know. Dude, I could go for some. We gotta stop talking about food today, guys. Yeah, dude, I'm so I can't find it. Look up all right, go to Chat GBT. Our staff meeting went extra long today after, and so we didn't start filming this. It's like Oh my gosh. It's one o'clock. It's one o'clock right now. So we've been filming prime lunches. We don't even need to do a green. And I am dreaming about dumping a bull from Chipotle over the top of my head right now. Mateo. That's crazy that it just vanished like that. I'm looking. He showed us last night. Like, there it is. No. No, no. What's that one? No. It's like the open. Alright, so this or that.
SPEAKER_01Alright, so I have this or that question. Ranch or blue cheese. We'll just start with that. Ranch.
SPEAKER_00Ranch. You said blue cheese.
SPEAKER_02I love blue cheese. This guy is so gross. Ranch is like too water.
unknownNo, blue cheese is gross.
SPEAKER_02Ranch. I'd put ranch on a flip-flop. On the flippity flop.
SPEAKER_01That's what Guy Fury says. Alright, a really good pancake or a really good waffle? Pancake. Oh, pancake. Waffles are wasted stuff.
SPEAKER_02I have a feeling we're going to be kind of similar on a lot of these. That's what I said. You guys. What are you going to say? Waffle?
SPEAKER_01No, no. But the reason we all say pancake is because Trumble Cafe. What about chicken and pancakes? You guys ever tried that? Yes. Delicious.
SPEAKER_02It's good. So good. Brody gets a little bit more. What about the shrimp quesadilla? Can we go there? Shrimp pancadia. He's just talking about food. Shrimp pieces. Yeah, the shrimp smoothie.
SPEAKER_01I was hungry and thirsty. Alright, go ahead. Would you rather watch a movie or a TV show? TV TV show. Alright, well, this is riveting. This is gonna be discussion.
SPEAKER_02The movie honestly, that one's a toss-up for me. I don't really care. Nah, I'm not a movie guy. I don't have the attention span, clearly. Oh yeah, but how many episodes of a show are you ripping at once? I could binge a whole thing. So you might as well just I need the different storylines, alright? I need everything that's happening. Yeah. Super speed or invisibility? Invisibility just sound makes you sound like a pervert, so I'm going super speed. But that's optional. No, I'm gonna go invisibility. I'm going super speed. Why invisible spying on everybody? Go into like you can go. I would be the greatest CIA operative in the history of the world. Oh, I was thinking like you can go to like a I would be robbing people. So I'd be just a super villain. Did you guys ever think like that when you were little? I always wanted to be a villain more than a hero. I always like the movies where the bad guy kind of turns like somewhat good. Or like you're or like his storyline makes you kind of root for him. I don't know. Like Star Wars, I only like the bad guys. I'm like, Darth Vader. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01No, bro. But that's a complicated character.
SPEAKER_02But like all the all the bad characters. I'm like, I just want to be no. Let's name a movie where the character's horrible. Bad like I want to be all the best movies have a like elite bad guy. Like Thanos. Yeah, I like I'm like, that's cool. That's what you want to be. Alright. Now he's speaking in quotes. Guy's brain is real crazy. I'm just saying, that's I'm always like, I'd rather be that guy. A super villain, like a super villain and all these different things. Like how about the bad guy from the Patriot? That guy stinks, dude. Yep. I wanted to be a red coat. That's crazy. How about the how about Yaquin Phoenix and Gladiator? Don't say Yaquin. That's how you say Yakin. Joaquin. Yo. I feel like you were just breathing. And Gladiator. Yep. He was the oh yeah. Or I wanted to be a guy living in a pit about to do it. Horrible emperor. He killed his whole family, plus he was in love with his sister. Yeah. I'm not hearing anything bad. Okay.
SPEAKER_01That's only okay if you don't have a sister. There's the line. We just crossed it. You guys are wonderful. This is a good one. Know how you die or when you die.
SPEAKER_02I'm going when yeah, when. Yeah, when, for sure. Imagine getting burned alive. That's gotta be the worst, right? Well, that's what I'm thinking in my head. I'm like, if I know how I die, I think that'd be way worse because every day I'd be like, you know, if it was like drowning, I'd be like, I'm never going in the pool or the ocean ever again. You know what I mean? Is being an astronaut and having the air hose come out and then you just suffocate. Basically, I would never be in that situation. Harper used to be scared of the bathtub because she thought orcas were gonna come through the drain. I don't think she really knew how big an orca was. No. Not the brighter. An irrational makes sense. Irrational. Do you have an irrational fear? Like that doesn't make sense. Yeah, that one. That one? Being out in space and suffocating. Yeah. I don't know if you have one of those. No. Just the snakes. I'm afraid of it. Like when I was like a kid, I always saw like when my leg was out of the sheets, like I thought a snake was just gonna get it. Or like a shark or something. It's like beehives. I'm afraid of like those things, like tryptophobia. It's like things with a lot of. Yeah, like anything like that, like oh, grosses me out. Like a close-up. Because you don't know what's gonna come out of what thing. Yeah, yeah, exactly. If you could shrink down to the size of Ant-Man, where would the first place you go bee? Because I was thinking about jumping in a like if you were the size of Ant Man, like jumping in a beehive, that would look really cool. That would be terrifying, dude. Like just a scale, dude. Like see how they work. A close up. Why would you even say that? I mean, you're Ant Man's bigger than a bee. I'm gonna throw up. Um that's my fear. Bees. Bees? That's why I freaked out when you let a bee in earlier. Yeah, and then I punched it and it flew away. I don't hear a woman's voice. Somebody's downstairs in Jason's. Oh, alright. I thought it was the computer or something. No, no, no. Um where I would go as Ant-Man. My imaginary friend. Never mind. Give us another uh another one. I'll get back to you next week. Next week. Um he'll have a whole list in his notes.
SPEAKER_01So would you rather relive life starting back in high school or skip ahead 20 years? With what we know now? Or I have to go back.
SPEAKER_02No, I'd go ahead 20. No, because then I'd miss out on everything in the middle of the year. Going ahead 20 years would stink. Yeah, alright, I'm going back. Yeah, I would go back. Class of 2013. Why would you even say that? What are you? Classes. Class of 2013. Sick, bro. 2003? I mean, dang. Oh, four. Oh, four. Oh, baby. Yeah. Darn! Okay, Spencer. That's why we don't give more mic. Spencer just said, I was.
SPEAKER_01One more really good one. Yeah, come on. Really good one? Oh, I was gonna go into like a different one. He's like, I was gonna go into it. There's a there's debate questions here, which I like. Like a cereal soup? Yes.
SPEAKER_02Cereal. Like is a hot dog a sandwich. No, we don't need to do these. Luke doesn't like these. No? Clearly. Give us well. We have one more. You don't want to waste it on that. Yeah, we save those for next week. Yeah, we'll save those for next week. Debate questions next week. You need one more. This or other people. Only watch Should men be allowed to play women's sports. No, okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Only watch one movie forever? Or only listen to one song forever?
SPEAKER_02If I don't like movies, so he's gonna pick the movie. I mean, I yeah, I'd find it I'd find a movie that I could watch forever. Yeah, I'll pick the movie. There you go. One of those Star Wars. No, probably be I would probably again, it's rated R for violence, so watch it on television and probably language, but saving Private Ryan, I could watch for the rest of my life. Classic, dude. Never seen it. Classic. It's a nostalgic one. Me and my dad used to watch it. Big World War. Pastor Andy, Big World War II. It's got a it's got a little bit of everything in it. There's no romance, obviously, but who needs that nonsense? No, we don't need that. Romance between America and its soldiers. And freeing freeing the world of fascism. Yeah, I would pick movie too. Just because I I have there's too many different types of music that I like, and I it changes so much that I wouldn't wanna I wouldn't want to narrow myself down to that. I could just do the one movie. I don't know what movie I would pick though. If I could only watch one movie for the rest of my movie. Would it be a funny movie? That's the thing, is like I don't know if it would be like my like most like the most well done, like the what I think is the best movie ever. I think it would just be something more like that, that like has a good story, makes me laugh, stuff, something like that. Princess Bride. No, that would not be the one that I would pick. There's a few that I have in my mind.
SPEAKER_01I watched that for the first time a couple months ago. I'm a pastor, so I can't say I watched it with two. I don't think I've ever seen it. Princess Bride? Yeah. I watched it with two. So we got it was with uh Danny and Hannah, and we went to go get some snacks, and they got snacks based on the movie. So like when he throws the rope down, they threw twizzlers at me. Like oh, I guess I'm talking the one person he's never seen the movie. They like throw the rope down to get the the get the guy up, and they threw twizzlers at me.
SPEAKER_02It was fucking interesting evening. It was a real interactive movie experience. Like that 40 theater golly. Well, all right. Well, I hope you enjoyed the podcast today. That was a good one. I did. I sure did. Spencer did. I'm gonna come up with a new list for next week. It's just Devin's list. I can't wait, dude. That should just be a whole segment. Today on Inside Devin's brain. That'd be awesome. I'm Devin's notes. Devin's notepad, dude. Dev's dilemmas. Alright, I'm just waiting for you guys to end it. Yeah, we need lunch. I'm so bye. I said bye. I said I really enjoyed the podcast. See you later. Follow us on social media. Like, subscribe. I'm so join us on a Sunday morning and Wednesday night. And let's go get some lunch. Bye.